I think pain is something that’s as necessary in life as happiness. I am grateful every day for my pain, even those times where the pain was so consuming, I never thought I’d ever be able to learn to let it go. I honor my past painful experiences because they have proven to be my greatest teacher and have birthed so many accomplishments, instilled emotional availability, transformed, and taught me more than my happiness ever has, for sure.

Feeling, owning, working through, and eventually letting go of my pain was hard, but the end result was an existence beyond what I ever thought was possible.

If I had never experienced pain, I would be nowhere near as appreciative of every detail and every little aspect of myself, my life and the people in it.

Pain heightened my appreciative awareness.

If I hadn’t experienced pain, I wouldn’t have the level of empathy that I have now because I know what it’s like to be in a place that’s so dark, you feel like you’ll never get out. You can’t see, you can’t feel, you can’t trust… you’re frozen in heartbreak.

I remember many summers ago, I was so distraught from a breakup that I felt cold every day. I’m talking like the shivering, freezing kind of cold that only tea and a hot shower can shake… for the whole SUMMER (& summer in LA is HOT).

It’s like I didn’t even see in color anymore; everything was de-saturated.

Everything had lost its appeal to me.

If my life was a balloon, it would have been a deflated one on the floor.

I think that a lot of times, we look to escape pain, even with the best of intentions. We try to do cleanses, workouts, mantras, meditations, gno’s, etc., and we still feel that emptiness. Or, we try to “tackle” pain like it’s a wild dragon that needs to be conquered and tamed.

You can’t exercise, sleep, drink, party or cyber stalk pain away.

The truth is, you can’t escape pain and the more that you try to, the more it will compound and end up hurting you in the end. The only way you can learn to let it go, is to feel it through and commit to doing something positive with it rather than go off the deep end and ultimately embarrass yourself.

Remember this…

The hopelessness and heartbreak that you feel right now is not going to be the way that you will feel forevermore. It’s not. I was broke as a joke, no access to any healing activities, no good advice (or friends), no direction and no confidence during one of my worst heartbreaks and if I got out of it, so.can.you.

You can put an end to the bs right now. Not tomorrow, not after exams, not next year, not after you get that job, not after you move, now. You can. The buck CAN stop here.

You can break the cycle and tell yourself that this doesn’t have to continue.

You can’t escape pain but maybe, just maybe you were put in this place of pain to evolve.

Maybe you have to feel this out right now; maybe you needed to be cracked open and maybe… this could be the start of a whole new you.

Be good to you. Be kind to you. Love yourself first, because when you do, you’ll actually start to meet those people, live that life and feel that REAL happiness that you have to work so hard to attain right now.

Everything will change. The fakery and emptiness with dissolve. Believe it, commit to it and watch what happens. Can’t wait to say “I told you so.” 🙂

Natasha xx

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29 comments

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The best! You always nail it every time!

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🙂

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Thank you for another heart felt, soul searching post with the hope for better days soon to come!

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Thank you for reading xxo

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This was so beautiful and brought back so many memories. I can relate to this so well: “I remember many summers ago, I was so distraught from a breakup that I felt cold every day. I’m talking like the shivering, freezing kind of cold that only tea and a hot shower can shake… for the whole SUMMER.” I remember going to the doctor’s after my breakup because I couldn’t get warm and had been shivering non-stop — now I know why.

As always, you put into writing what a lot of women go through and have no idea why they do. I think this all stems from societal pressure to appear super happy and perfect. No one is allowed to look inwards to grieve and learn from breakups/set-backs. It’s considered abnormal to take time off dating and focus on yourself because if you really must show (again why is this important?!) that you’re over someone, the only way to do so is to sleep around, party, and generally enjoy the single life HA. Whatever happened to carving out time for ourselves to understand our destructive thought patterns? I completely agree with you: yoga and meditation are fantastic.

Natasha, you really really need to write a book 🙂 xxxx

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I felt cold too! I thought that I was the only one

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Same here! I thought I was the only one too. Thanks Jess!

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Sofia, the way that you articulate is so beautiful! I agree with everything. I too have felt extremely cold and I still do when I get sad. You’re right, it’s brilliant how Natasha opens up and writes about these things that we go through and not only don’t know why, but we think that we are the only one xoxo

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She just has this brilliant way of making you feel like you’re not alone in your experiences, thoughts, and reactions. This blog has been a lifesaver. I have changed so much since I discovered this in May. You’re lucky to have such an amazing friend 🙂 xxx

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She’s the best friend and soul sister I could ever ask for and I’ve ever had; and angel on earth, truly. I agree, I’d been pushing her to start this blog for a while and I’m so glad that she did 🙂 This blog is going to take off I just know it. I’m looking forward to the book! You’re so lovely Sofia! I’m not sure if you live in or close to Los Angeles, but if so, I’d love to do your brows and meet you! xoxo

Thank you so so much. If I am ever in LA (and I need to visit — I have so much family there), I would love to stop by 🙂 xxx

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So sorry, I never get notifications for your comments– and I’ve literally just seen this! I literally stopped everything when I read that line. I still remember the first time it happened very clearly, it was a couple of weeks before the breakup and I had just taken the train back home and I couldn’t stop shivering all the way back. I had to pick up groceries that afternoon and I thought I was going to faint, and called my doctor in a panic, but he was SO dismissive (it was the summer after all). And it carried on for months; ironically, it got better as it got colder (mainly because I hadn’t spoken to him in months by then).

I can’t tell you how much this helped me, just to read that you went through this too. It’s like I finally understood why I was so low for months. I cried when I read this and sent it to my mum (who thinks you’re amazing by the way!).

All the thank yous in the world won’t be enough for what you’ve done for your readers! You make us work through our feelings and illogical thinking patterns– and yes it’s painful, but recovery is permanent 🙂 Not the superficial variety of recovery, you know (“Yay I slept with so many new people, I’m so so so over my ex….not”) HA.

Lots of love, and I CANNOT WAIT for your youtube channel!!!

S xxxxx

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Thank YOU! Thank you for being you, thank you for your belief in me and thank you for your support- it does and means more than you’ll ever know. I am so proud of you! 🙂

I love that you’ve shared this with your Mum too! Thank you so much Sofia xxxx

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That I thought I would never see in color again touched my soul. I so remember thinking that everything would forevermore have a gray ash covering. I appreciate you so beautifully articulating the darkness that comes with the healing process.

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Hi Dee! No way, really? I am so grateful for you allowing me to see that my experiences in grief were not unique. It’s a beautiful thing to not feel alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 🙂

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Hi Dee! No way, really? I thought that I was the only one. Yes, it was as though everything lost its color and vibrance; like someone unsaturated the color all around me. I am so grateful for you allowing me to see that my experiences in grief were not isolated and unique. It’s a beautiful thing to not feel alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Dee 🙂 xoxo

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Me too! I thought I was the only one…

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Hi Natasha,

This post is a great one. You could be surrounded by millions of friends and family yet not being able to talk about these kind of things. Thanks for reaching out for me, right timing and you can’t imagine the impact of your work. Thanks so much. How do I know whether I have finally let pain go or just turning a blind eye on it? Why does it still hurt when I come across reminders/him?

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Hi Shahane,

Thank you so much! You will know that you have finally let the pain go when you feel indifferent. Not good or bad – neutral. I will write a post on this soon 🙂 It still hurts when you come across reminders/him because you’re still processing it in your head and in your heart. Remember, they’re JUST feelings. Be mindful not to grant power to those feelings. Feel them, keep coming back here and keep having your own back xxxxxx

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Thank you so much xxx

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This touched my heart bc this is exactly how I felt and I seriously thought that I was the only one. Thanks Natasha. You rock!

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Right back at you Jess 🙂 xx

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Another great post. I cannot thank you enough for expressing such raw emotions and helping those in need out (including myself). I can’t remember how I stumbled upon this, but I’m so glad I did. You write with such emotion and relatable truth that not many others can quite express through words. Like others have said – I think writing a book would be great!

One of my favorite quotes I thought went well with this piece.

“You have to get hurt. That’s how you learn. The strongest people out there – the ones who laugh the hardest with a genuine smile, those are the people who have fought the toughest
battles. Because they’ve decided they’re not going to let anything hold them down, they’re showing the world who’s the boss.” – Unknown

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Hi Nicole!

Thanks beautiful! You made my day 🙂 Love that quote! xoxo

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Do you happen to have a post about going through a break-up during the holidays?

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Hi Nicole!

You’re a step ahead of me! I’m going to have a post up next week about that ???? xx

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Hi Nicole!
I’ll have the holiday post up by the end of this week. I decided to wait and make it a little closer to Thanksgiving & the holiday season.. I just didn’t want you to think that I forgot 🙂 xx

Thank you for the update! 🙂 Can’t wait!

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I can’t wait for that post!

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