The hardest thing to do when you’re in the midst of a breakup, going through drama with friends, having disagreements with family or coworkers; are a hormonal mess, hate the world, want to tell everyone to refrain from doing absolutely anything but completely f*cking off, etc. is to stay on the white horse.

The white horse and I didn’t used to be friends. I thought the white horse was stupid, weak and not even an option.

Now, the white horse and I are besties.

It all started after my boyfriend at the time and I were going through what I was politely describing to other people as a “rough patch” and what would honestly be described as “I’d rather receive a televised enema of fire than go through this pain and mind f*ckery for one second longer.”

I found out that my boyfriend had not only cheated on me, but that he had cheated on me with someone I considered a friend. I had been lied to for months. I fortunately obviously found out about it all before either of them knew that I was even aware of what was going on. Immediately, I transformed into Tony Soprano’s protegé. My own thoughts began to acquire a wise-guy accent.

I wanted to catch them, frame them, call them both out on their crap, yell at them and then slowly, very slowly torture them. Basically, I wanted to ruin their lives and make them feel as uncomfortable, hurt, upset and humiliated as I felt.

Right as I grabbed my phone to call my boyfriend and get the plan in motion, my Mom called me. Sh*t. I had to answer. The moment I heard her voice, I lost it. I emotionally went from Mafia boss to 16 year old Natasha that just asked out her crush to Homecoming the day before homecoming because no one had asked her and he said “sorry, I have to feed my sick dog that night” (true story) and everyone laughed and I cried. I was crying so hard on the phone that I scared my Mom to the point that she got in the car and drove up to Los Angeles from San Diego see me.

You’ve got to stay on the white horse,” she said.

No matter what you’re going through, be it drama with friends, dealing with an ex, dealing with an wild card family member, debating with another student in class or you’re angry at and heartbroken over your f*cktard of the month – jump on the white horse, stay on her and don’t get off.

In fairy tales, the prince always saves the distressed beauty as he comes galloping in on his white horse to save the day. The knight in shining armor valiantly rides on his white horse from the wreckage and swoops up the damsel in distress and all is saved, made right and well with the world.

You know how that knight doesn’t ever get off his horse? How he keeps his eye on the prize and never wavers in his vision, demeanor, behavior & valor?

You need to be your own knight in shining armor. Be the class act that everyone is in awe of instead of the psycho that needs a muzzle and a leash. Exhibit some grace under pressure when all you want to do is retaliate and react.

A monkey could snap its fingers, flip its hair and throw out a few one liners that are sharper than a dagger. It takes someone with real strength to remain calm, communicate through their actions and move on.

The short term pain will translate to a lifetime of being happy that you rid your life of people who didn’t know the value of being in it.

Don’t give in to trying to show grown adults “the right way to behave,” or loose your cool and get labeled as the resident maniac. It’s not your job. Don’t let people set off your triggers and push your buttons. Only you know the combination to that lock. Not them.

If you want someone to know how you truly feel and what they’ve truly done? Stay calm and never lower yourself to a level in which you attempt to re-package and throw back pain and anger that they caused just so you can feel like you’re in control for a hot minute. It will boomerang right back every time.

Sometimes these people passively antagonize your unhinged reaction because as long as you go crazy on them, they can turn it around on you and say that your crazy behavior is why they did what they did in the first place.

You can be completely out of control in your head, be out of control when talking to your best friend about it, be out of control when you’re crying in the car listening to Taylor Swift thinking “how could he?!” but to the people that have hurt you, tried to push your buttons or done anything deceitful and have an expectation that you are going to act a certain way – surprise them.

Stay on that white horse. Someone lies to you? Take a breath, be calm. Tell them that you’re sorry that you clearly provided an environment that made them feel like they had no other option but to lie. And then ACT by folding once and for all. Wash your hands of the bs and be done. They won’t know what to do with that because most people are incapable of matching their words with their actions. Genuinely express one time (not 238426873 times, which lead to 238426873 chances/excuses), that you’re deeply hurt and that you’re done.

That will get to someone so.much.more than you freaking out and screaming at them, harassing them, crying, etc. You want to do all that? I get it. Write it out, comment here on the blog, scream it out to a friend, whatever you have to do to get it out of your system, do so behind closed doors. Say what you have to say once, be calm and gallop off into the sunset on your own white horse.

CALM is a superpower.

Be remembered in your own fairy tale as the one that handled her sh*t with dignity.

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34 comments

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I can so relate to this. It’s so hard but i’ve gotten much better at this. This is one of those posts I’m going to have to read and re-read!!

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Totally agree!!

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Loved this. I had the exact same experience, but I was probably falling off my horse the way I delt with it. But it’s so true.. Be your own knight and shining armor.. This can be related in my life right now in so many ways… So helpful!

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I’ve definitely fallen off my horse and landed face first in sh*t. Now I know that I can rely on myself

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LOL! GIIIIRL ME TOO. FACE PLANTED

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This is one that’s so hard to do but once it’s done, it’s so worth it! Seriously, I need to post this one on my fridge.

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You post it on your fridge and I’ll make t shirts too

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This is what I struggle with the most but it really pays off!!! Amazing advice as usual

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Luv it! This is the type of advice REAL women need. Women who know their worth. I am going thru some really tough s**t figuring the truth out in my relationships right now, and these words are pure gold. Thanks for sharing this!

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Thanks babe 🙂 xoxo

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White horse – my favorite animal, how fitting.

I did exactly this. I caught him cheating with several women and had a 3 hour FaceTime with him. The first hour, he gaslighted, blamed me, blamed others, etc. I showed him all the evidence for it but was calm throughout the whole process. I never raised my voice once and told him how I was hurt, how integrity was broken, and how it was hard for me to regain trust. I said that I myself have my own shortcomings that manifest in differnt ways and I don’t put him lower as a person. I said that he is a greater man than this behavior and I’m saddened to see that a man I respect so much is acting in this way. I told him I don’t hate him or am angry at him. Rather, I am disappointed and hurt. I apologized for any women in his life that had cause him pain for him to need to reach out to several women and break integrity with a woman he loves (loves).

I said that I needed time away from him for me to heal and process this experience but I still respect him as a man because I see the better version of him, not the one he chooses to be. At the end of the conversation he was crying and apologizing. He said I was the first women who didn’t make him out to be a villain.

This was an incredibly difficult conversation for me to engage in because I cried all night prior. But I realized that only love can break the violence of hate. And by me retaliating or going batshit crazy wasn’t going to help us.

Needless to say, I’m not dating him anymore, and though we’re still in communication (due to work commitments), I know my values and worth enough to not go back to him. 🙂

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I LOVE YOUR USERNAME!! 🙂 Thank you for reading and for sharing your story and your truth. All my love to you xxxx

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This is perfect.

As a late 40 something soon-to-be-divorcee (my choice), getting back into the dating scene is scary as f*ck.

2 months ago I was dumped via text. TEXT! By my 46 yo boyfriend of 3 months. I told him (also via text) that I was sorry that he felt that way and that I hoped he’d one day find what he’s looking for. And then I blocked him on social media and cried all night and continue to cry periodically now.

But at least I stayed on my white horse, even though I’m without reins.

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I love this blog! I wish I had of read this about six months ago before unleashing my inner crazy brought out by the narcissist who hurt me so badly. Amazing how that can happen to a normal level-headed girl who has never before fallen off the white horse and was even made to feel bad for not doing so — how messed up is that!? Still not back to myself — or over any of it completely — so going to read this every time I start to slip. Thanks Natasha!

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I’m happy it helped! 🙂 XOXO

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I wish I could of read this earlier too. I let go of my crazy self to my ex that I never knew it exist in me. Oh well, you live and learn and stay classy.

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This is the best thing I’ve ever read about break-ups. Everything I’ve felt (which is a lot) has been documented on this blog. Thank you so much for helping me understand my own feelings.

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You’re going to make me cry! Thanks Lucy, I’m happy it helped 🙂 xx

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I love your blog, the way you write resonates with me, and I’m sure with so many other women/men out there. I am currently doing my best to stay on my white horse, it’s not easy though, is it? I thought that I wanted more than anything for my ex-BF to come back to me and proclaim his love for me and that he can’t live without me. Then he DID… just this past weekend (after 3 months of no contact). I thought it was what I wanted… I’d been dreaming about it secretly, even while showing the world that I was strong and able to take care of myself without him in my life. When he came back, for 2 days I waffled… I told him that I still love him too and toyed with the idea of getting back together. (Which if I had done, btw, would have destroyed my relationship with my daughter and my parents, that’s how much control I allowed him to have over me!) 🙁 Then suddenly he showed his true colours when I decided to let him know that I still need more time to myself in order to heal and keep learning to love ME first – he lost his s*^* (in text messages, not to my face) and immediately went back to his GF who he had dumped the day he told me he still loves me. He told her that he loves me, but will be with her if he can’t be with me, and SHE ACCEPTED IT! My head and my heart finally connected that day (actually, yesterday lol) and I told him good luck in life, but I’m done.
NOW.. he keeps texting me, trying to re-tract what he said/did and trying to twist the story to make me feel bad. He knows exactly what to say to make me question myself.. and I’m tired of it. I want to freak out on him, but I WON’T – I just don’t know if I’m supposed to ignore these messages and eventually he’ll go away or if I have to again text him and say enough is enough. I don’t want to hurt him but I’m done with being hurt BY him.
I’ve come so far, and yet there is still a part of me that continues to be the little girl who really wanted the Disney fantasy to come true.

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Thanks Shelagh! 🙂 You are loved and supported. Keep coming back here to the blog. You’re not alone. xx

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Thank you Natasha! 🙂 I just wanted to let you know that on Sunday I had a true, deep chat with myself and really listened when I told myself that I didn’t like the way I was feeling about these ‘games’ he was playing. And so I cut him off completely – I had already deleted everything I could think of that ever indicated we were a couple, but I took the extra step and I’ve blocked his number and his email. My heart feels SO much stronger now. I’ll keep staying on my white horse as best I can! Thank you again xo

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Yayyy! Keep staying on your white horse and just know that you are loved. You did it! xx Proud of you 🙂

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Excellent post. Really helped me in the sad times. Sometime I wonder if the person is emotionally unavailable or a loner who needs someone to act first, call him first or talk to him first. Why all the love and care you give, goes unnoticed and then even though you want to move one….you still keep thinking if the person needs you and you are not doing the right thing by deciding to move on. Please let me know your suggestions.

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Thank you Anjali!

I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. I’ll try to write a post soon that further explains this.

Thanks for the love, for your sisterhood, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

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This website is amazing. It is exactly what I need to hear after yet another emotionally unavailable guy started acting cold and distant out of the blue. I have so far maintained my dignity by not freaking out on him (though I really want to punch him in the face!). I don’t feel doubtful of any of my actions and I wouldn’t have done or said anything differently. And I am going to stay on the white horse.

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YES! You go girl! 🙂 You are loved, supported and believed in. XO

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Brenda, yes! Exactly! I am going through the same thing, and for the first time in my life, after reading this blog for months, I can look back on the situation and feel confident that I wouldn’t have said or done anything differently.
Non-reactivity really is a superpower.
Natasha thank you so much!

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YES. IT. IS!! thank YOU Kim! Proud of you! 🙂 XO

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Commenting here every time I get the urge to call my ex and cry and beg and make a fool of myself. Commenting here to remember to stay on the white horse. <3

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YES! Proud of you Willow 🙂 XOXO

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I just found out that my boyfriend cheated on me a few months ago. This is exactly what I need to read (and continue reading). Thank you for all that you do, reading your posts has completely changed my approach to this situation. Thank you xx

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Thanks Sharna 🙂 I’m happy it helped! You are loved, supported and never alone. xx

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I love your blog Natasha. It has really helped me through my break up. My ex was most definitely emotionally immature and unavailable. I was with him for a year, and we lived together for about 7 months. He moved from another state to be with me. He told me I was his world, and I was the only person who was ever really there for him. His mom and dad even said, I was the best thing that ever happened to him. His boss told me I had changed him and they’d never seen him do so well.

Well…he was wonderful at first, and then one day we got into a fight, because he wouldn’t take his shoes off in my apartment. He cursed and threw his shoes down, calling me a nag. I told him whenever he asked me to respect his things, I did. Whenever I asked him to respect my things…he’d ignore me. We didn’t talk for 3 days and when he finally saw me, he stood up and said…I’m leaving. He packed all his stuff up right then and there…and walked out. Haven’t heard from him since. That was 4 months ago. He has a new girl friend now. It really hurt. Completely opposite of me. I’m tall and thin with dark hair. She’s short and very overweight, with blond hair. I do stalk his social media though (he’s a performer), but I’ve calmed down a lot. He seems so super happy…but I noticed a lot of the posts. he’s always drinking, or people post stuff about “let’s get wasted again.” He’s definitely got a drinking problem, but hid it as best he could when we dated.

Anyway…he hasn’t contacted me since the day he walked out (YEAH…he walked out on me). Everyone was shocked. They called us beauty and the beast. Well after he walked out, I got on my white horse and road off in the opposite direction. He hasn’t heard a word from me, and he never will. Reading your posts have given me so much strength, and even though I probably will never hear from him again and will never know if he regrets losing me (my bruised ego), I will never contact him and will stay classy. I just know, one day he WILL regret it.

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You go girl <3 I'm honored to have played a part in your healing and realizations. Thanks for being a part of this tribe Grace. You are a gem. Keep doing what you're doing and just know that you are loved, supported, believed in, understood, backed and never, ever alone. All my love to you soul sister. x

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