I used to be the Floyd Mayweather of excuses. I was undefeated. No one could make up an excuse quicker than I could. I would even make up excuses for the excuses in my dating life. My favorite excuse was the “busy” or the “a lot of things going on” excuse. “Busy” was a great excuse because as long as I was too “busy” or he was “busy,” that not only meant that we had sh*t going on (which was admirable, a total ego inflation and accountability eraser ), but it also justified having to put off commitment, having to show up, having to match words with actions and having to deal with the truth which was always (when stripped of all of the bs excuses), painful.

I was more comfortable making excuses for the guys I was dating than actually feeling the short term pain of getting real with their behavior and moving on with my dignity in tact. I learned the hard way that the level of excuses made in a relationship (whether they be excuses you make for yourself or for others), is directly related to how healthy the relationship is.

Excuses are tough because when you’re wanting a commitment or just the validation/reassurance from him that you both are even on the track to a commitment or that you both feel the same way, etc., if you aren’t understanding or accommodating to their “excuses” which are delaying your happily ever after (they will never refer to them as excuses and they will get angry at anyone who does), you automatically become the uncaring, impatient, immature one that doesn’t understand and that he will all too quickly “need a break” from so he can return to being the “victim” with ‘These Hoes Ain’t Loyal’ being the theme song to his delusional, all-about-me life.

Excuses allow people to “buy time,” waste your time and use you while you “wait” for them. Excuses devalue having to keep your word, follow through, commit and actually be accountable. Excuses allow f*cktards to continue being who they are and do what they do while still being able to portray themselves in a positive light due to their admirable “excuse” of the moment.

Excuses are a cheap way of avoiding conflict, accountability and having to deal. So why are you a magnet for people who spew out excuses with the ease of breathing air?

Your relationships will always reflect the relationship that you have with yourself. You have to examine the relationship with yourself. Do you make excuses for yourself? I used to make excuses for myself without even being conscious of it.

I was therefore attracting friends and men that had drunk the excuse kool-aid too. 

We attract what we exude. 

If you continually makes excuses for yourself and/or others, you will always be a person of inaction.

Excuses make everything seem so much more impossible and complicated than it really is so that you get clouded by all of the excuses and never really do anything because as long as sh*t’s “complicated,” you have a perfectly justifiable reason to “stick it out” and not take action because you don’t want to face what your gut already knows.

The worst is when you start to make excuses for the other person’s excuses.

I remember my epiphany with excuses came when I was dating a successful doctor that was perfect in every way….. but had an excuse for everything. He was the man that was so “busy,” I oftentimes felt inferior. No one I knew was THAT busy. No one I knew was THAT unlucky to have so many ’emergencies’ repeatedly come up. After hearing him blame his “busy schedule” for the 8746283746 time, I hit a wall. I remember for once, not giving myself the “come on Natasha, you have to be understanding, he IS a busy guy” speech and I started to realize what I knew all along but could never admit: He wanted all of the benefits of a relationship (a date when he needed one, a hookup without having to put forth any effort, open ears that would listen to him, etc.) but he didn’t want to actually have to show up, be accountable, responsible and be in a relationship with me.

It was so hard for me to face the truth because it negated everything he was telling me that he wanted. So, I just assumed that there was something wrong with me.

I finally got the courage to communicate to him that I knew he was a busy guy, but that this wasn’t going to work because he clearly doesn’t have time for a relationship. That was the first time I had ever rejected anyones behavior and although I was alone, my self-esteem grew because I had empowered myself by walking away from behavior that made me feel bad.

Excuses hide truth that people are too avoidant and scared to directly  express. People may not agree with what you have to say, but they will always appreciate honesty. There is a difference between being brutally honest and being kindly honest. There’s never a need to be brutal in your honesty. Stay on the white horse and be real with yourself first.

And never think that you “did” anything to cause someone to make excuses so that they could withhold having to give you the relationship that you deserve.

You’re beautiful. Don’t change.

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21 comments

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??????? if you want to see or be with someone, you MAKE time, no excuses! But I admit I totally do this sometimes. I think my laziness takes over.. But is that just an excuse for an excuse?

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Girl I am guilty of this too!! I try to now, like Natasha said, just be kindly honest. It’s tough but once you do it people really appreciate it because they can tell you’re truthful. Can’t wait for our event Brittany 🙂 and let me know when your site is up! Also, have Natasha give you my contact info so we have another way of communicating besides here and Instagram LOL xoxoxox

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I know! That’s what I’ve been trying to do as well!!

I can’t wait either!! Yes and we will exchange info and get going. IM SO EXCITED!!

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Perfect! Yes! Same here 🙂 !

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This really hit home for me. I don’t have an honest relationship with myself because i’m always making excuses for myself and for others. Printing this out now. Thank you Natasha and so glad to see you post again! I was getting worried!

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Glad you enjoyed it 🙂 I know, I got very busy with work and I’ve been working on some exciting things for the blog. New post every day this week XOXO

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I admit of being guilty of this too, but I also have the excuse that I’m too lazy ? it is something I need to work on. I like the phrase “We attract what we exude” that is exactly what someone close to me that I always look for advice tells me, and I have realized it is true. I’m glad you have a new post and great one as always I was wondering where were they ???????

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Same here! That phrase helped me so much too! It is so true. I swear, my entire sorority and I are all addicted her blog. She’s amazing. Natasha- can you also do some more fashion and beauty posts, we want to know your secrets you are gorgeous! Thx! PS- Paola are you wearing the red MAC lipstick that Natasha wears in your photo? I can’t tell because it is a small photo. So beautiful on you!

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Yes that’s the lipstick ? and I agree with you, she’s amazing I love her blog. I also think the same you shoold do som stuff on fashion and beauty stuff Natasha ?

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Excuses are the worst!! We deserve so much better than that. We should all just be honest with each other and avoid so many unnecessary hurt feelings

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AMEN sista

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Ruby Woo is hands down, my favorite red. It looks beautiful on you Paola! Gorgeous!

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I was looking for the perfect red glad I found it through her. Thanks you’re very kind ?

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I love you! Wisest chick around. I’m not worthy! ?

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I feel the same way!

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I love you and the feeling is mutual xoxo

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Excuses are great for avoiding any sort of relationship accountability. Especially when you start making excuses for their sh*tty behavior. They don’t even have to come up with any reasons because we’ll gladly do it for them! Funny how that happens where a man gets so good at managing your expectations, you have a script of excuses at the ready. I just cut off a guy who told me he couldn’t meet me for lunches anymore because I turn him on too much and he doesn’t want to go back to work with an erection! This was so he could meet me for sex instead. I can’t believe I actually rationalized this as acceptable! Hindsight really is 20/20. You start to facepalm everything you tolerated from Mr. emotionally unavailable. Love reading your posts, Natasha!

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Erika, I am dying laughing at what he said. So ridiculous! You couldn’t be more spot on and you’re doing the right thing now 🙂 Thank you so much for the love and support xx

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I am a bit ashamed of taking and dealing what little love my ex put into me for the past year. It was always excuses that never added up and constant school stress that never seemed to add up. I would hear his sob story about his school, work, or family and think “Man Im such a bitch and needy for trying to get him to see me for more than he can” (which was once a week) or “his reasons for flaking is valid” And I tried to rationalize every single excuse he gave me which I knew wasn’t true or knowing why would someone do this to someone they “love”. Whenever I questioned his excuses and got angry for him constantly flaking he would go on a break with me. Then I would feel in the wrong and heartbroken and forgive and continue to deal with the behavior. I truly wanted to die. And even to this day he tells me he cares and loves me, but no he doesnt. He is just a lying douche who wants to string me along so he can get his ego boosted, a quick fuck, and constant validation that everything he is doing is ok. This article made me feel so relieved that I’m not alone or crazy.

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Perfectly written! I am dating a single dad (I’m a single divorced mom too) and he constantly makes excuses of making plans with me and when stressed and busy with work he gets distant and says he’s just so busy but thinks texting me all day is a relationship. This finally gave me tbs courage to end it! I so deserve more!

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So happy it helped! 🙂 Thanks Alicia! You go girl. xoxo

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