My last big heartbreak was an epiphany breakup. I had hit such a breaking point and realized, after all these years, that no matter how different my exes appeared to be… I was continually involving myself with men who all possessed the common denominator of emotional unavailability. I also recognized my own emotional unavailability and began to see the patterns in my dating life, my decisions, reactions, and emotional triggers. Two major recurring questions were “why is he ignoring me all of a sudden?” and “why did he change?”

This was the first breakup I had gone through where after the breakup, instead of trying to get into the next relationship or make my ex jealous or cyberstalk him or do anything with ONLY the intention of him noticing/reacting, I took the route never travelled. This was the route that I had been putting off my whole life. I decided to deal with my pain, take accountability and feel my feelings instead of trying to embarrassingly numb them. I began to deal with myself.

I started to realize that every single pain that I had ever felt was a direct result of a DECISION that I HAD made.

Can traumatic things happen that we have no control over? Yes, of course. But it is our decision to subscribe to a negative belief system, become a victim, and keep a filtered narrative alive that cause life-robbing pain.   

It was hard to admit, but it was so empowering to finally understand and own. Taking accountability for my part in my own pain granted me the feeling of being back in control, self-sufficient instead of validation-dependent, and powerful.

It allowed me to see that I had essentially been telling everyone (and most importantly myself), that I had an unlucky cloud over my head and it was constantly raining. But in actuality, I was getting peed on and everyone with a brain cell could see it.

I kept complaining that I had a cat on my hands and I was upset because the cat was meowing and not barking. Cats are always going to meow.

I was the one who decided that it was raining and I was the who that decided that I was going to make the cat (my emotionally unavailable boyfriend) bark.

I truly believed that I was finding great guys that had so much to offer and If it wasn’t for my flaws, problems, insecurities, that one time I freaked out, etc., I’d still be getting the same prince that I met at the beginning; the same guy that I knew was my soul mate. The guy that opened up to me, the one who everything made sense with and the one I was comparing everyone else to.

So, what does any of this have to do with “why is he ignoring me all of a sudden?” and “why did he change?” 

Let’s see if any of this is familiar:

  • Any chivalry that once was, is gone. You feel like he’s not really “pursuing” you as much as he did in the beginning.
  • You feel like every time you reach out to him, you’re bothering, disrupting or interrupting him.
  • You get a lot of excuses from him that are logical and make just enough sense to make you second guess every last detail of your behavior that could have triggered” him.
  • He gets angry, annoyed, and seems like he’s on the brink of leaving you when you kindly bring up how much you miss him or when you ask something of him.
  • You can sense and feel him pulling away from you even when he’s right next to you.
  • He straight-up ignores you.

When a guy “changes” and ignores you all of a sudden, you have to understand that it will never make sense. 

People don’t change. But over time, they reveal themselves.

There is nothing that you could have done that would have so much clout that it could make your soulmate go from loving and respectful to unavailable and toxic.

Emotionally unavailable guys always start out by proving to you through their actions that they have the capacity to be everything that you ever wanted. They’ll talk about how they see a future with you, but never really do anything to act upon it.

When the relationship naturally goes to a new level or when it comes to a point where more is asked of him and he needs to be responsible, accountable, etc., he pulls the rug from under you by recoiling suddenly and without explanation. And because he knows that you are broken and validation hungry, he banks on the knowingness that you will view his withdrawal as something YOU must have caused by simply not being good enough. Once you’re at this point, he can pretty much do whatever he wants and just like that… everything is on his terms and you’re the doormat, once again.

There is no point in trying to make sense of, fix, and stick around for someone that is ignoring you – and lacks the decency and communication skills to explain why.

Realize that it doesn’t matter if this guy gets married tomorrow, dates for the rest of his life, or if he goes and becomes the most philanthropic man to ever grace the earth. He.will.always. be incapable of having a genuine emotional connection with anyone. Himself being first on that list.

Never make the decision to allow someone to be inconsistent. The second that you do, you translate to him (and everyone else) that you’re happy with the crumbs being thrown at you. Stop being avoidant, stop living in delusion, address your low self-esteem and ask yourself why you don’t feel like you’re good enough to have a respectful and mutual relationship with yourself, let alone other people.

“Why is he ignoring me all of a sudden?” and “why did he change?” Because that’s what people of the emotionally unavailable species do.

Start treating yourself better so that you can raise your own bar and stop taking ownership of anyone else’s dysfunction.

x Natasha

If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here.

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62 comments

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NAILED IT!!!!!

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Speechless. Just shared this on my Girls Night Out group on Facebook. You’re amazing Natasha, Love you!

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Wowowowowowowow. This touched on so much. First.. Dealing with the pain. Something I’m learning to deal with in EVERY aspect of my life. It’s hard but helps to get past it faster without being the “excuses” type, and makes me confront things I would just ignore.
And being with that emotionally unavailable guy..or driving myself nuts thinking what I did to make him that way.. Makes me feel a little more sane. I need to write down those bullet points and keep them in my pocket.

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🙂 XOXO

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Yes!! I need to raise my standards and not take it personally when boys change because they were emotionally unavailable to begin with. You are so on point as always ❤️

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OMG, the emotionally constipated man I’m trying to get over has demonstrated all of those bullet points. EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. It helps me so much to re-read this post and remind myself that he didn’t change, he just revealed his true (lack of) character. And there were red flags all over the place, which I chose to overlook. And I certainly did sense along the way that he was pulling away, becoming distant, etc. – but I continued to excuse his hurtful behavior and put up with being treated disrespectfully. I even called him on his bullsh*t several times when he would go MIA (translation: run and hide from anything uncomfortable), and I STILL allowed him to repeatedly behave like a child instead of a grown man. And we’re both 53 years old, you would think he would have outgrown that by now – and…he took the coward’s way out and ghosted me. How does a person go from 18 months of planning the rest of our lives together to completely vanishing and ignoring me, without a single word of explanation??? I’m bookmarking this post to keep myself in the reality of how he is, as I give myself the closure that he is incapable of giving me.

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Hi Lisa,

I’m so proud of you for coming to these realizations, for having your own back and giving yourself the closure. I’m so happy that the post served you. You are not alone xoxoxo

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Lisa, so sorry this happened to you. I am going through the same thing but I’m 52yrs old and he just turned 55yrs old on July 10th. Sometimes It feels like I’m dealing with a high schooler during a long distance relationship. His name doesn’t happen to be ‘Dan’ does it? I hope a year and a half later you are doing much better.

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OMG, another Daniel, hopefully not the same one x

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Ditto. Same age, same behavior. Hope you’re better now. i’m working through it now.

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I just wonder…how many men are emotionally unavailable ? Is it realistic to think that you ( and me for that matter) only met or meet emotionally unavailable men ? That does not seem logical right ? There must also be something as They’re not into me anymore after 4 months, or they met someone else ( and you don’t know), or whatever. I have experienced the same things as you have but I have a difficult time believing they were all emotionally unavailable. Yes for me they were, but they married their next date. So it was me after all, who wasn’t good enough for the guy who gave me everything i needed. ( almost that is)

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Hi Lina, thx for reading 🙂 Definitely not all men are emotionally unavailable. The reason I was attracting emotionally unavailable guys in the past is because I was to an extent, emotionally unavailable myself. I hadn’t dealt with my own issues or cleaned up my side of the proverbial street. Read this post (and others I’ve written about emotional unavailability) if you haven’t already. Hope it helps xxxx

https://postmalesyndrome.com/is-he-really-just-not-that-into-you-or-emotionally-unavailable-or-both/

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Hi Natsha, Thanks for answering. I think I have read almost every blog here and I can honestly say this has been more helpful to me than the psych I saw. I am an emotional wreck and I need to find a way out. I just cannot understand what happened to me even when I have read everything. Maybe you can shine your light on this ? In short : Met him through a dating site. We went off very fast, felt very close, and he was allover me. I was hesitant in the beginning as i was no used to feeling these things so fast but after one month I was head over heels and very happy. He came out of a long relationship and had been single for just 2 weeks. ( i only found out later). Split because she cheated on him. I was single for 1,5 years, split because he cheated on me throughout our whole relationship. Talking about being damaged. He introduced me to his kids and parents. He is the serious type, no short flings, he had 3 long term relationships in his life. So he seemed the serious kind of guy. We had a misunderstanding after 4 months into the relationship that made him really upset, even when he agreed it was nothing. ( and it truly was, I said I didn’t like him being 1,5 hours late. Was the first time and it was a misunderstanding, and that was it, no bad words or anything). He said he realized he might not have healed from previous relationship as he thought it was not normal that that made him so upset. After one week he came to me crying, saying he was feeling so afraid and didn’t know what to do. he had to work on himself and if I was willing to wait. We then decided to take it slow which we did. Thats when hot and cold started. After one wonderful weekend he tells me he loves me and I can feel him becoming distant again already the next day. I decided to end it as I couldn’t cope the hot and cold stuff. He accepted gracefully…which I didn’t expect to be honest. I really hoped he didnt want to lose me, lose what we had. He said he really needed to work on himself first before he could move on. He said he was very sad in losing me and that he had never had such a connection with anybody before, but that he understood me and would respect my wish for no contact. So we were out of contact for one month, I contacted him for something small. we chat nicely for 5 minutes, he says he misses me but was very upset that I disconnected him from everything ( Facebook, linked in and so on) I can only move on without contact. So I explained why I did that and he said he understand. We ended with something funny and nice and that’s it. Didn’t hear from him anymore and now I see him active again on dating sites. I just cannot believe it !
At the time my decision to break up seemed the right thing to do but I am miserable for over 6 weeks to the point I am feeling so depressed that I am actually not doing more than sleeping ( use some alcohol to do that). Work, drink and sleep, that is what I do. And I even think that working will become very difficult if I do not find a wat out. I have honestly never in my life been so in love with anybody as i was ( or am) with him. And reading your posts, I cannot place him….can you ? Thanks so much for your help ! Lina xxx

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Hi Lina,

Thank you so much 🙂 I wish that I could help further, but I don’t have the time and a few months ago I had to announce that I can no longer go into great detail giving advice on this platform and that I unfortunately could not accept advice emails any longer because it was taking too much time away from the blog. I’m really sorry and thank you for understanding. If you’d like more specific help, I do offer one-on-one coaching
https://postmalesyndrome.com/coaching/

xoxo

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I broke up with my ex several times during the 3 yrs we were together.. Always because I’d end it because I’d find out he would be lying about something or other, or just never being straight about things.. Even the simplest of things!..or he would be having sex with other women the same day we had a fight..pretty shallow. But I took him back :-/..stupid I know, but I did..I don’t know and I don’t suppose I ever will know how many other women there have been..but highly likely it was more than the two I know about. We got through stuff to a point.. He moved in with me and I literally did everything for this man bar wipe his Arse.. Although I’m sure if I offered he would of happily let me! He hardly ever paid anything towards bills.. And if he did it was always late in coming and short.. He had an 11 year old son that stayed with us every other wk end.. But he was a royal pain in the butt.. Not his fault that he had learnt to be manipulative, spiteful, and demanding at such a young age.. I blame the parenting.. He basically was the adult and my ex was the child.. That’s how their relationship went, and if the son didn’t want his dad to be here with me then my ex would say ok let’s go stay at grandmas house.. Really! Anyway that went on and on and we broke up again in August last year.. Due to his sons lies again.. And me trying my hardest to defend myself and encourage my ex to deal with his behaviour.. Anyway a few weeks passed we were still in contact via calls/texts.. And he asked to meet to talk…so we meet have a few drinks.. He says he wants a fresh start.. No more lies.. And so on.. So I ask him if he has spoken to or heard from 2 women in particular.. No he says I swear I’ve not heard from them or contacted them at all for months and months.. Ok sober are having a fairly good time and I’m happy we are finally getting somewhere talking.. As talking is not his thing.. He just gets tetchy or angry.. Anyway we get drunk and get back home together.. He falls asleep.. And as wrong as it it.. And I know it is wrong.. But I have this awful gut feeling he is lying about these women.. So I look at his texts..it’s all there In black and white and hits me right in the face at a million mph.. Yep he sat there and bare faced lied AGAIN.. After claiming a fresh start no lies or bullshit.. I was shocked hurt and absolutly beside myself.. I lost the plot even.. I took his phone his Lorry keys his boots and his trousers and I left him in his drunken stupor sleep and went to a friends.. Needless to say when he woke for work he had to come find me first! He is deeply offended that I reacted this way..(that’s a shame).. And holds this against me with no understanding of cause and effect.. He just doesn’t get it that i reacted( maybe badly) but it was to what he had done.. And so many times over. Anyhow the next 8 months up until 2 days ago have been horrendous.. He has played an elaborate game of cat and mouse.. Areanging to meet to talk telling me he loves and misses me.. That he wants to work things out.. But just not bothering.. It’s been a continual battering of emotions.. To the detriment to myself.. He had me dangling basically for 8 months.. And like a fool I was scrapping around for his breadcrumbs.. He even on occasion rocked up here early hours of the morning after spending all his quality time with his friends.. Cheeky twat.. Thankfully I got very wise to this very early on in our so called relationship.. I have now been in no contact 2 days in.. And it’s tough.. But I will never let that narcissistic pig ever take one more piece of my dignity or my life away from me.. I can’t wait for the day.. And it will come.. When I am not polishing his ego and he comes looking for it.. Just so I can do what he has done to me many times over.. And ignore him.. Only I will do it for good❤️

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You go girl! xx

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Reading your blog feels like you watched my whole relationship from start to end. Thank you for helping me build a little strength each day! Xxx

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Thank U Kat!! 🙂 xxxxxx

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You have no idea how many of these articles I have read today and how, with each one, I feel myself coming back to me. I married said emotionally unavailable, yet charming and devilishly-handsome, f*cktard and I’m still trying to gather up the courage to file for divorce on our one-year wedding anniversary after finding out he cheated on my while I was out of town for a family reunion, after being married for nearly 11 months. He cheated on me twice before, but against my nuclear reactor-grade intuitive alarm flashing and screaming at me, I married him anyway. Now I’m a complete mess and most days, just trying to get out of bed feels like I’ve been asked to run a super-marathon. Even after being hurt so much, I still miss him and am having the worst time coming to terms with the fact that the entire love story was only my projections of the man I hoped he would become; you know, the one who he really is “deep down inside”?

Anyways, thank you for this site. It’s seriously the only thing giving me strength right now.

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Hi Lisa,

So happy that the articles have helped! I understand the pain that you’re going through; I know how hard it is. The reason that you still miss him despite everything is because your self esteem is low.

Keep coming back here to the blog. You’re not alone. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you ever feel like you need more personalized help: https://postmalesyndrome.com/coaching/

All my love to you sister XOXO

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I am reading this now, one year later, and am wondering how you are doing?
Did you divorce him? Are you happy now and were you able to work thru this pain?

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I’m lying here on my boyfriend’s couch at 3:15 in the morning after a 13 hour day at work instead of sleeping peacefully next to him like we have done for the past 3 years.
I don’t know what is going on, nor will he talk to me. He has literally gone from being his normal, easy going self to acting like he wants little to nothing to do with me in the course of just two days. He doesn’t wanna talk, doesn’t want to hug or kiss me, won’t cuddle up to me, and suddenly he sounds like he is faking it when he says “I love you”. Spends literally every free moment he has buried in his phone playing games or Facebooking.
I get little more than a grunt from him when I ask him what is wrong, or if there is something I’ve done to cause him to act this way. It’s like he just woke up the other day and decided he doesn’t love me anymore. At least that is what it feels like to me. He has been known to blow hot and cold on me in the past, but this feels so different and scary now because we just bought a new house together. I can’t afford to move now and my car was recently stolen. I don’t understand. We have been planning on having a home together for years now, and now that the dream has come true it is not at all how it was supposed to be.
I feel so alone, stupid and afraid because I love him so much and he knows it. I don’t know what else to do for him. I give him love, affection, sex, food, support, friendship, keep his house clean, put his laundry away, and tell him how much I appreciate him. In return I am just being flat out ignored. My heart is broken and it’s starting to feel like we have already broken up when we haven’t. He just gets pissed when I try to find out what is wrong or tell him how this makes me feel. From there it just gets worse. I’m at a total loss.
I just wish I knew what he is trying to hide from me. It has to be something. I know him too well for it to be just nothing.

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“They don’t change, they reveal themselves…” So perfectly said. I’m one year out of a roller-coaster from hell with the girl version of this breed of human monster. Or as you wrote elsewhere, it’s “mind-f—ery at its finest.” They’re also known as narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths- three versions of the same soulless soulmate.
Thanks for the wonderful blog, you clearly speak from real experience.

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Hi David! Thanks so much for reading and for the support & feedback:) I’m happy it helped!

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Girl, you’re the bomb!

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Takes one to know one 🙂 thx babe xx

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Thank you for this. I needed it ❤

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🙂 xo

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Amazing article. So well written. It’s like you told my story. What I thought was the most perfect man and relationship just ended with the rug being pulled from under me. I have questioned every thing I may have possibly done wrong, did I act up too much that one time, if I only did this or that different… Yet, I keep coming back to, but I didn’t really do anything wrong. I needed this. Thank you. ❤

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Thank you Leah! I’m so happy it helped 🙂 xxxx

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Thank you. May one day I’ll truly moved on.

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You WILL. You are loved, believed in and supported Lleny. xoxo

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I found this blog post a few months ago, and it has seriously saved me life.

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So happy it helped! Thanks Annie!! 🙂 xo

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Natasha how do you even do it? Reading your blog is like having everything fall into place. My ex was a toxic and poisonous person who was utterly unable to love someone properly. He was abusive in all the ways possible, and withdrawing his affections was a way of exercising a weapon over me. I thank god every day that I left him for good!

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I’m so happy that the blog has helped!! You go girl. Sending you so much love. X

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Hi Natasha!

Your content is incredibly amazing! i love it, it’s like you really understand and it is just so deep for me. I have a boyfriend who act like you have stated on your writing, it is matched and i realize that i deserve to have a happy life like i’ve ever dreamed. He is just not the part of mine so, well i guess i will leave him. I couldnt agree more. GO NAT! xx

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Thanks Rarau! I’m honored to have helped 🙂 XOXO

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I came upon this post because I just wanted answers… Anything. I’ve been crying day and night for the guy I thought would never hurt me. I admit I was emotionally unavailable at first, while he seemed to pour all his effort out on me. I felt bad but I just wasn’t ready. We broke up and I ended up realizing I made a huge mistake. I overlooked how amazing he was. I ran back to him, expecting our relationship to become stronger since I myself realized my mistakes and he would be happy that I did… but life isn’t like the movies. Right from the start I felt like something was wrong. I felt like something was missing. I just told myself that he was probably nervous since we got back together so quickly after we broke up. I ended up giving my all to him and I was hit with the fact that he didn’t love me. He wasn’t ready for it, but I felt so hurt because that was one of my only boundaries I had told him from the start… He ended up texting me all his sorries but I didn’t feel like any of them were genuine. When I mentioned breaking up, he jumped on the idea so quickly… I wasn’t expecting him to say yes. I was just so hurt and angry that I asked him what he was going to do? Was he just going to break up with me? I WANTED to hear “no of course not, I care about you.” Instead I got the short and simple “yes we should break up.” When I called in a panic, he told me he only got back with me because he felt guilty and guilted into getting back with me. I was so shocked by this because he was the one who finalized the decision to get back together. He just used me. Being the dumb girl I am, I chased again. I cried and pleaded to him. I told him all the reasons I loved him and cared about him. He just became colder. He told me the guy I loved wasn’t there anymore, that I loved him for the wrong reasons, that he wasn’t coming back. He told me all my accusations were right. He was a jerk, he did use me, he does run away from his problems. He just accepted everything. I cried to him telling him how much I hated seeing him like this. I wanted MY guy back. As I kept chasing and ignoring all the advice and concern of my friends, and even going so far as to defend him, he just became meaner. He told me I was just a girl he fucked up with, and that I was pretty so it would be easy for me to find another guy. I was so desperate I let him use me again. I thought I was okay with it but the damage had been done. As of now I am staying far away from him, but it takes so much effort. I still care about him even though I don’t want to, and it hurts to see that this is the person he really is. When he saw me for the first time recently since all the mess, he looked so shocked and looked away when I walked past him. I stayed strong, but then I saw that he’d checked my social media the same day for the first time in a long time. I told myself it doesn’t matter, doesn’t mean anything, but of course I still think about it. I’m conflicted with moving on from an emotionally unavailable guy who hurt me so much, and the guy that I met at first, who was my best friend. I KNOW why he isn’t any good, and your post completely confirmed my rational thoughts and the advice that was given to me. Unfortunately I’m still grasping for hope even if I don’t admit it openly. Your post really helped me calm down and see that you just need to stay strong and respect yourself. Put yourself first. Thank you so much for this. ?

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Nini – you are loved, understood, empathized with and never, ever alone. I’m honored to have helped. Just keep coming back here to the blog and know that you’re supported. Thank you for sharing and for being the light that you are. All my love to you soul sister. xoxo

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I knew my ex two months ago. He was too nice to me and agreeable to whatever i said. And within 3 days he said he wants me and like me so much. We dated so many times almost every day in a month, but things started to changed after that. I went to his mothers house, and he commented that his mother said im way too old for him (im 4 ys elder) and his mum said i cant get pregnant and will look old in the future. And also said im not friendly during our first meeting. And his mum commented so many other things which broke my heart, eventhough i was being so nice to her in our first meeting. (Brought cake to her house and was abit shy and polite in our first meeting, she was keep on playing with her hp and quiet. She didnt aporoach me much. Only his younger siblings was asking me questions. All below 25ys old.

This guy was still dating and giving me future and marriage hopes, and he asked me to visit his mother again to correct back the situation. I did visit again, and this time i was friendly with his mom and helped her on all the kitchen stuffs.

The next days i texted her mum just to be friend on how she is and whether she had lunch. She didnt replied. But after 2 days, she replied that family has madedl decision (his siblings and his mom) she doesnt want me to contact her son and her son also will not contact me and ask to end the relationship. I sent the text to his son, he seems like so cool and as he already knew about it.

We argued and i told him that he shouldnt give me hopes if he knew his mother doesnt like me. I told her that we together to your mom and explain to her that we love each other, but he seems not interested and he stopped contact me for one week. During this i cried as hell.

Then i called him back after one week, and plan to meet the next day. But then he cancelled on the next day and send a long message that he wants to end the relationship. I called him and we argued again, and he said he could leave the world for his mother, and his mom wants the best for him and he asked me to asked his mum again and apologize to her again and again for one of two months if she agrees. Its like begging her mum. And dont let her mom know that he told me this. I was really confused as he is too scared of his mum and siblings.

I called him and cursed him. I felt like i was being played off by him. Because if he really loves me, he would not leave me and should have contacted me as he knows my condition, was crying badly. He called me once and said he missed me and no call after that. He started to contact another girl everynight the same time he used to call me.

Im so heartbroken and depressed. Should i beg him and his mum?

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Hi Rima!

Thank you so much for sharing.

I wish that I could elaborate further and give my thoughts, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog.

I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further ? The link to it is on the homepage.

All my love to you soul sister.

You’re not alone xo

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I knew my ex two months ago, im 32 he is 28. He was too nice to me and agreeable to whatever i said and made me feel like a princess. And within 3 days he said he wants me and like me so much. We dated so many times almost every day in a month, but things started to changed one month after that. I went to his mothers house, and he commented that his mother said im way too old for him (im 4 ys elder) and his mum said i cant get pregnant and will look old in the future. And also said im not friendly during our first meeting. And his mum commented so many other things which broke my heart, eventhough i was being so nice to her in our first meeting. (Brought cake to her house and was abit shy and polite in our first meeting, she was keep on playing with her hp and quiet. She didnt aporoach me much. Only his younger siblings was asking me questions. All below 25ys old.

This guy was still dating and giving me future and marriage hopes, and he asked me to visit his mother again to correct back the situation. I did visit again, and this time i was friendly with his mom and helped her on all the kitchen stuffs.

The next days i texted her mum just to be friendly on how she is and whether she had lunch. She didnt replied. But after 2 days, she replied that family has made the decision (his siblings and his mom) she doesnt want me to contact her son and her son also will not contact me and ask to end the relationship. I sent the text to his son, he seems like so cool and as he already knew about it.

We argued and i told him that he shouldnt give me hopes if he knew his mother doesnt like me since beginning since i was taking it was not so serius till this extent. I told him that we go together to your mom and explain to her that we love each other, but he seems not interested and he stopped to contact me for one week. During this i cried as hell.

Then initiated and called him back after one week, and plan to meet the next day to discuss on how to save this relationship. But then he cancelled plan on the next day and send a long message that he wants to end the relationship. I called him and we argued again, and he said he could leave the world for his mother even me, and his mom wants the best for him and he said if i really wants him, asked me to asked his mum again and apologize to her again and again for one of two months if she agrees (IF). Its like begging her mum. He told me that dont let her mom know that he told me this. I was really confused as he is too scared of his mum and siblings.

I called him and cursed him. I felt like i was being played off by him. Because if he really loves me, he would not leave me and should have contacted me as he knows my condition, was crying badly and sick. He called me once and said he missed me and no call after that. He started to contact another girl everynight the same time he used to call me.

Im so heartbroken and depressed. Should i beg him and his mum?

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I found this post through Google. Of course I am dealing with a distant guy and am so upset.. We had a thing for about 7 months. He started becoming distant this past April. Then more in May. I know he started a new job in April and wasn’t happy he had to go to this job (he was layed off from his last one and was trying to get back) so I back off and gave him space.(Before he liked that and actually thanked me). We would never really go over 4 days without talking to each other. Sometimes he would break the silence, some me. The last few months I would ask how his day was. When he would get back to me, it was hours later with an ok, alright, etc or not even respond at all.. He stopped really asking me how my day was for the most part. About a month ago I flat out asked him what was going on. Is something bothering him? Does he still want to talk? Did I offend him? Is everything ok in his world? He gets back and tells me I am OVERTHINKING all of this!. He just is doing well in WoW (a game) and he comes home and plays it and just forgets about the world. The next day he was a little more chatty than he had been. Then he faded again. I over hear through a mutual friend several weeks later he is back with his ex girlfriend. I was upset and confronted him. He said absolutely not. He isn’t with anyone and sits in his house and to please stop thinking it. I left him alone again and stupidly drunk texted him after not having talked to him for a little over two weeks. The next day I send my apologies and he was a little more chatty.. I asked about some of his friends I know he talks to. He hasn’t even talked to them! Basically he sits after work and plays his video games. He tells me he only talks to people on his video games. I am so hurt. I don’t even know it this is the truth or what. I know I can’t go on like this. It’s been several days since we spoke and he wasn’t really there. I need closure.

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Hi Jorge! Thanks so much for sharing 🙂 I have numerous articles that will help with this; try this one. You’re not alone. XOXO

https://postmalesyndrome.com/how-to-get-closure-when-you-have-none/

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Wow. I have been reading posts about what could have happened to make him pull away all the sudden and this really hit hard because it is so true and I never thought of it like this. Thank you so much for this post.

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Hi Fleur! I’m happy it helped 🙂 Thank you for your love, support and for being a part of this tribe! XO

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This speaks to me so much. I dated a guy like this years ago and hung around too long, long after the red flags showed up.

I started dating another guy this year who seemed amazing — we got along so well, he acted like we would be together for a long time, he introduced me to his family and all his friends. Then, after we got back from a vacation together with his family, he suddenly canceled plans and disappeared to hang out with another woman. I called him out on it and he ghosted for days. When he finally returned, he made no mention of this woman and apologized and thanked me — THANKED ME — for putting up with his “shenanigans”. I told myself he has until the end of the month (this happened last month) to return to the guy he was, otherwise I was done.

Well guess what? I needed him to be there for me one weekend last month and, instead, he went out with a different woman and spent the whole weekend with her. I then found out he was on a dating website. When I confronted him about it, he GASLIGHTED me and said “You knew about that the whole time”. I did not.

We are done. Now comes the hard part of getting my stuff back and moving on.

There are some warning signs before all this happens. E.g., he was cruel to animals, he took no blame for any of his previous relationships ending, one of his friends told me he cheated on his ex-gf WITH HER (the friend). I chose to ignore those because he was so nice to me.

Don’t look at how they treat you — look at how they treat everyone else, look at how they treat people they’re not trying to trap. Good luck to everyone!

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Hi Emma!

Thank you so much for sharing <3 I could not agree more with examining how they treat everyone else that they're not trying to trap. You are loved, supported, believed in and never, ever alone Emma. Thank you so much for being a part of this tribe. You're incredible. Sending you all my love soul sister. XOXO

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Hi Natasha! I’m so glad I came across and read your post. It so aptly describes the sudden change behavior. All this while I was wondering what did I do wrong…and overanalysing my each and every text or sentences I spoke to him about. Even apologizing without even getting an acknowledgement for the same. Was constantly judging myself and saying to myself that I’m the one who is wrong not him…look at him he is so good…he is having to put up with me and that I’m wasting his time. You name it and I was thinking all sorts of things eventually losing my self confidence. I have no one I can talk to about what I’m going through as I fear that they will not understand me and take me wrong. I have been constantly looking for answers online and that’s how I got to your post. Thank you so much for the enlightenment.

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Hi Rashmi! I am so happy and honored to have helped 🙂 Sending you love. xx

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Natasha,

I’ve seriously become addicted to all of your posts. I’m going through the worst “break up” imaginable. I’ve visited this site at least 20 times today. They all resonate with me so deeply.

I’m in the thick of the depression, shattered heart, crying myself to sleep, stalking and I feel of so pathetic phase of the heartbreak. I just wanted to say thanks for your posts, your wisdom and sharing so much of yourself with us. It has truly helped me more than I could ever tell you.

It’s time for me to work on me, and having found this wonderful site, I finally feel like I have the courage to do just that.

Thank you ♥️

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Hi Christina! I’m so happy and honored to help 🙂 Thank you for being a part of this tribe. You are loved, understood, supported and never, ever alone. xx

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Are these men aware that they are behaving like this or have they no insight into their behaviour?

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Thank you for your site, Natasha ! I have no one to talk to and every time I talk to my friends I couldn’t get any right answers. Either they’ll say ,”He’s a jerk, all men are like that!” or “You’ll fine someone better!”,etc. I wanted answers that I didn’t get from him. Why turned cold, after a good 1 month chatting, face time texting all the time? The hard part is not being able to make that person talk to me, flat out ghosted me!
It hurts till now and still hanging alone!
Thanks for the good advice, this opened my eyes and mind that there are EMOTIONAL UNAVAILABLE men out there!

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Happy it helped 🙂 Thanks Evelyn for your love, support, and for being a part of this tribe. xoxo

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Where the hell has this site been all my life?! You totally just got a new sub, and I never sub to blogs. I don’t know how to stop reading all these post! Thank you Natasha! ?

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Hi Taralyn!

That means everything to me ? I am so happy and honored to help. Thank you for your love, support, and for being a part of this tribe. xo

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This was point blank exactly what happens , however I would like to hear more on how to recognize certain things . Like my boyfriend would say “I over think it “ when he was doing shady things like turning his phone to text as if hiding something . He made me feel insecure becauae he was so good at lying ! At times he would be looking at his phone as if scrolling to buy things . Yet still hiding it . So if I caught him or looked to see , he would get shitty and say . Your so insecure . If he wasn’t acting shady , I wouldn’t do that . He put the doubt in my mind . I was never insecure , never cared to look in a mans phone , and I didn’t with him. But when he’s on it looking and hiding it and has no reason to , then hides it and has it on lock down then he’s creating Mistrust . And when they rubber neck and comment on girls all the time while with you , again you say something to set a standard that you think it’s disrectful and hurts you , yet they play it off like all guys do it and I’m insceure ! To demand any respect turns into your being needy . God forbid , I asked my boyfriend to stay with me during a hurricane . He jumped on me and said “no “ your not gonna guilt me into coming over “ Then hung up and hasn’t called in 2 weeks ! I found out he was cheating and all those times he was hiding his phone , he was texting her! He was on dating sites . Stringing me along . He picked fights to get me to break up . He wasn’t man enough . He went fromloving me to hating me or at least treating me like he hated me . It wasn’t love ! I will never talk to him again ! I hope he comes crawling back one day ! My self respect won’t allow me to give him a second chance . I could never trust him ! The problem is ….. if we ask men questions like , why is your phone locked or why do you hide it . They say , you don’t trust me ? Then we look insecure . Why didn’t he just break it off he damn sure had no problems hurting me .

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Thank you so much for sharing Debra, and for being a part of this tribe 🙂 You are not alone.

I will try to write more soon on how to recognize certain things sooner. All my love to you sister. xoxo

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Thank you Natasha , I saw this tony robins video and it helped a lot . Even doing a lot of reading to get understanding . He’s in a lot of self hate pain . However , I do see traits in which I fall short . I take a masculine and domantant role due to survival. I’ve always been independent. I’ve never been able to rely on anyone . I’m afraid to trust he will fully love me because I’ve been let down so much . And he’s doing the same thing . I am worth loving but I always feel I have to convince or sell myself to the guy . Even though he has his set of attachment issues , I have mine too . Yet in the end we both just want love

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OMG! You are great! I am experiencing the same problem and you made my day! thank you so much!

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