YESSSS. Soulmates. I love this topic and I have a lot to say, especially if you’ve ever worried that your soulmate is either nonexistent or nowhere to be found.

But first… Is anyone else really tired? I’M EXHAUSTED.

How is it that we’ve had two holidays in a row, time to chill, hopefully some free time, a weekend behind us and yeah… I could go back to sleep right now. The holidays do that to you I guess. SO this week, apparently, we’re back in business – New Year’s resolutions, heartbreaks, lessons learned, goals, hopes, wishes and dreams for 2016, all in tow.

These past few days have been rough. I needed to dig really deep. Looking back, I realize that when we are going through something difficult, we become so desperate to get the outer circumstances to change, we convince ourselves that we should attempt to control what is beyond our control. What happens then? We end up further victimizing ourselves and finding ourselves in more of an emotional rut a sh*tstorm than ever before.

I realize that over the past few days, while I’ve totally had the right to feel sad, hopeless, scared, etc., I needed to take care of my own thoughts and not do things to subconsciously look for attention. That’s not me. Did I slip into that a little? Absolutely.

Yeah, I’ve been scared and I am scared in a lot of ways. Thankfully, I am good to myself (I take care of my body, I get acupuncture, I meditate, I do yoga, I eat well & I am mindful of my emotions – more posts on all that + beauty stuff to come), but I’ve learned that all of the affirmations, unsent letters, “don’t jump” books and friends in the world won’t shake loneliness and fear of the unknown.

Loneliness isn’t about not having anyone to call, date or watch Netflix with. It isn’t about being a loser, having no friends, or being single and it’s definitely not about being a pariah. Loneliness happens when you stop (or feel like you can’t) express your truth – your vulnerability; your innermost thoughts, feelings, insecurities, emotions and fears.

This all got me thinking a lot about soulmates and finding your soulmate in this life, because the majority of my life was plagued with the fear of never finding my soulmate. Yeah, I get it – friends, cats, onesies, dogs, SHOES, pizza, etc., can all be soulmates (I consider each one a soulmate of mine fyi, especially the heels), but I’m talking about that romantic, “Pinch-me-now-he-was-made-to-love-me-there-is-no-doubt-in-my-mind-he’s-the-one-he-Jerry-Maguire-completes-me,” kind of deal.

I’m talking about the kind of nonjudgemental, pure unfiltered connectedness, love and belonging that comes when you find your actual soulmate. You want real. You want THAT.

So here it is – the universal fear that we all have (or have had) …

What if my soulmate doesn’t exist? And what if I never find my soulmate? 

{guys you have to promise to stay with me here and read until the very end, k?}

What if you were told that you would never find your soulmate and that there was no chance of finding your soulmate? 

I know that’s a really sad thing to think about and I know that some of you have gotten to the point where maybe you don’t even believe in the idea of having that romanticized, fairytale soulmate any longer. You just want to meet someone that will reply to your texts, pick up your calls and someone that you can share your stories and your life with, buy a dog with; build a life with. I get it.

Now, let’s switch gears…

What if you were told that you had a terminal condition and only had this year to live and that at the end of 2016, you would be dead. How differently would you live, behave and think? What would you want to do? Think about it. I know that (after I had a good, LONG cry), I would live a hell of a lot more consciously, continue to be kind and show my loved ones how much they mean to me. I’d also take no time, not even a second for granted and I’d try to accomplish as much as I possibly could in that year.

Now, let’s go back to the first question: What if you were told that you would never find your soulmate and that there was no chance of ever finding your soulmate? Think about how differently you would live, behave and think after hearing that news.

Honestly? To the old me, that would’ve sounded just as bad as “Natasha, you have 1 year to live,” because I live and have always lived for love. If I was told that I’d never find my soulmate, I would probably live out the rest of my existence in an IDGAF, deep, dark depression. Some people may say that they wouldn’t care because they feel like they’ve already spent their lives in such misunderstood pain and solitude, what’s another few decades? (I’ve been there too). Other’s would say that they didn’t need anyone to “complete them,” anyway. ALL would, on some level, be sad.

The thing about finding love is that it as much as we want to fight admitting it, we are constantly motivated by it; it’s our fuel. Finding love is the reason you’ve felt scared and insecure; it’s the reason you got out of your sweats and went to that lame party, it’s the reason songs have meaning and it’s the reason that you try in everything that you do. We are all in constant search of someone that “gets it;” that “gets us” and that can add to an existence that is hopefully already abundant.

Just like if I was told that I had one year to live, if I was told that I’d never find my soulmate, it would be the ultimate breaker to every deal that I had ever made. My life would forever change. However, I would also be out of the self-imposed prison; I would be free.

Stay with me…

Guess what? We are all suffering from a terminal condition. It’s called LIFE, and to the best of my knowledge, none of us get to make it out alive.

And just like it shouldn’t take having to hear that you only have a year to live for you to start living on your own terms, changing your habits and changing your old beliefs, it should not take having you to hear that you’ll never find your soulmate for you to grab hold of your destiny and love YOU.

Once you can conquer and extinguish your fear of the unknown, you can then truly start to live and love.

If we didn’t deem it so necessary to be on an endless search for youth, for contentment, for fulfillment and for a soulmate that is the absolute love of our lives, it would prove to us once and for all that we already had all of that to begin with – It’s eternal. We could be the loves of our own lives.

Why do we view some people as superhuman? Why are these people’s beautiful and inspiring quotes on everyone’s Instagram page? Why are they so admired and constantly revered, turned to, respected and emulated (but never duplicated)? What’s so different about them?

It’s not that they’re any different, it’s that they’ve spoken their truth, undone their own loneliness and become the embodiment of everything that they were ever searching for in their wildest dreams. They’ve become their own soulmate first.

Am I saying that you really have a year to live and that soulmates don’t exist? Hell no. What I am saying is it’s a lot better of a life when you’re a cake that’s already perfectly good without the icing. If you are, then when anything sweet comes along, it just compliments a cake that is already edible and delicious on it’s own. Some cakes taste so bland, they need 82374837 layers of icing and decorations. You don’t.

If there is one thing you should make a goal for in 2016, it’s to stop waiting around. If you’re happy, stop waiting for the sky to fall or something to come along and “take away,” your happiness.

Stop waiting for your soulmate to appear, heal your wounds, make you happy and give your story meaning. Make it a goal for this year and beyond to live your life as though you are the soulmate of it, because that is the only thing that you will ever know with 100% certainty in this life.

Through every breakup, humiliation, divorce, illness, hardship, negative bank account statement, failure, triumph, interview, happiness, travel, celebration, etc., the only recurring character in the story of your life has been you. NOT your parents, NOT anyone – YOU.

You are the only one that has been with you through everything.

 YOU are the one that has wiped every tear and YOU are going to start being your own soulmate instead of your own worst enemy.

Whether you like yourself or not, you’ve been with yourself through thick and thin.

And guess what? You’re.still.here., right now. You MADE it. If that’s not what defines a soulmate, please tell me what does.

We have to stop waiting around and start appreciating where we are, what we’ve endured and what we bring to our own table.

Once you’re truly able to do that, you’ll be at your most desirable and attractive. Not because you got that spray tan or you’re wearing those Loubs or that pushup bra, but because we are at our most beautiful when we’ve finally given up on being preoccupied with anyone noticing and validating our beauty.

I got reminded these past few days that I am human, I am flawed, I’m scared sh*tless and I am sensitive BUT, if I choose to gently remind myself to continue to live my life (and you if guys agree to do this with me, plz), unapologetically, kindly, freely, honestly and fearlessly, I not only will continue to transform my life and attract all that I emanate (& desire), I will continue to transform and shine light upon those around me.

WHEN YOU'RE CONVINCED THAT YOU'LL NEVER FIND YOUR SOULMATE

So for 2016, stop waiting around for your soulmate; start to be your own. Let’s all support each other and see the magic that happens.

x, Natasha

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23 comments

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I love you so much. You are my sister for life and I am always here. This was so beautiful! You have such a gift. Please write a book xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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Once again, you brought me to tears. This post was so beautiful, Natasha! You’re the one who has taught me how to deal with tough times. Sending you all my love and best wishes. I hope you get through this difficult period xxxx

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Thank you so much Sofia <3 I'm so glad that you liked the post and thank you for the love xxxxx

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I like it when you dig deep! I so needed this. That is so true that I feel the loneliest when I can not express my truth and be vulnerable. When I hold back I feel fake and can not connect and all because of fear. I couldn’t agree more that people are the most desirable and attractive when they are real. Thank you for being real, that is what I love best about your writing and you 🙂

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Thank you so much Melissa 🙂 xoxo

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I love these posts that really cause me to reflect! What I love about you is that you say something so deep and powerful and at the same time phrase it in such a simple way, like when relate your message to the cake. I’m going to start to be my own soulmate this year, I would not have had the courage to do this without you! Love you! xoxo You really should write a book!!!

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Thanks Catherine. I’m so proud of you, you beautiful soul. Love you too and I’m on it 🙂 xx

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Another great one! I created a PMS Note in my iphone with quotes and excerpts from your blogs. You are amazing. Thank you chica.

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Really? :)) Thank you so much La Toya, that made my day. You are amazing and thank YOU xoxo

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Ditto! I have PMS notes in my iphone too 🙂

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🙂 xoxoxoxoxo

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You have officially brought me to tears Natasha. I honestly don’t even have the words to comment right now.

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xoxo

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Spot on, Natasha, SPOT ON. By truly loving ourselves we are not alone – find contentment and happiness in your life RIGHT NOW. And come to PMS when you’re feeling blue – it always helps me 🙂

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Hi Katie! Thank you so much 🙂 <3 xoxoxoxo

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Ahh Natasha! I seriously don’t think I could have gotten through 2015 without PMS, it’s been one of the most difficult years of my life. It’s almost scary how the timing of all your posts matched EXACTLY what I was going through or what I needed to hear during that moment of my life throughout the year. This one is no different. Thanks for continuing to inspire me which i hope in turn inspires yourself to continue on your journey and your blog. I cant wait til this time next year because i truly believe it will be the year we fall in love with ourselves.

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Hi Gina!

Thank you so much <3 That means more to me than you'll ever know. Thank YOU so much for your love and support. You're absolutely right – it does inspire me 🙂 I couldn't have said it any better Gina; this IS our year xoxo

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Hi Natasha,

What a superb post. This topic was in my head recently and your post came on time. I enjoyed so much reading it and wanted to thank you for being here for us and with us with your wise and healing perspective. I will write a proper comment over the weekend. This was my initial reaction to another great post of yours and wanted to send you big hugs.

love you Natasha xxx

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Hi Shahane,

Happy New Year 🙂 Thank you so much for your sweet comment. I am so glad that you connected with this post. It was and is my honor; thank YOU Shahane <3 xxxxxx

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You’re perfect! I will be your soulmate.

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I just stumbled on your blog while trying to figure out if my ex misses me, and read a few posts. And your thoughts are wonderful. It will be my goal to make myself happy this time. Not just anyone else. I will do it myself. I will make myself happy. This is for me whom I’ve neglected for so long. I wish I could be strong enough to do this. Thank you.

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You are strong enough Rein <3 I believe in you and thank you! xoxo

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Hi Natasha,
I recently got over some jerk because of your posts with the help of me moving and not seeing him again. Also got stationed in California and I love it. My worry is that .. It’s not even two weeks and I’m getting to know someone that was only an acquaintance before and we are already speaking about getting into a relationship. Part of me wonders is he just desperate to settle down with someone or he’s just really that into me. Wouldn’t say I’m a rebound because he never mentions his exs or other women and when I asked about the last girl he just said something was missing and they fought a lot.
Part of me thinks maybe we are just equally desperate or maybe it could be a real thing?

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