What does it mean when he says he needs space? What should you do?
This can be very confusing. Especially if when you give him space, he’s still texting and communicating with you.
As hard as it is, you need to listen to his actions – not his words. Most of the time, when a man says that he needs space, it’s because…
- He’s done with the relationship but doesn’t want to feel like a bad guy.
- He’s taking your temperature to see how far he can push the “I need space” thing (while still keeping you around, getting his needs met, not having to be committed to you in any way, and seeing what else is out there).
- He genuinely needs space.
If you’re with a good guy who genuinely needs space right now but wants to be with you…
There won’t be any confusion. He will communicate with you and make it clear through his actions that he wants to remain with you, but is struggling with x,y, and z. Then, it will be up to you both to decide how you want to proceed. This is what happens in mutual relationships.
You don’t need to empathize to a detriment here. Your instinct knows when you are getting respected and it knows when you are not.
If he says he needs space but has no issue being ambiguous about it and keeping you in relational limbo…
Give him the space he wants and take it very literally.
If it’s space he wants, do the one thing that he will never be able to do and speak with your actions. Don’t talk to him, hook up with him, or allow him to have any of the benefits of being in a relationship (of any kind) with you. Cut him off. He can’t claim to need space from you and then expect to have access to you whenever he wants.
You have every right to be hurt. You can cry and you can be confused because yes this is bullish*t, but if you had healthier levels of self-esteem…
The second that he says he needs space and can’t give you anything other than more red flags and confusion, you would make a dignified exit. Why? Because you have your own back and always look out for the one person who you should never want (nor will you ever be able) to take any space from – yourself.
Live your life and stop making room for people who can be happy with “space” in between you both. Start gravitating toward the people who couldn’t imagine a day without you. If that’s just your family right now – that’s okay and if you don’t have a family, guess what? You have this community and you are never alone.
You’re worth so.much.more. and you know it.
+ If you need further and more personalized help with your breakup, please look into working with me here.