Today is a very special day for me because I get to introduce to you my best friend, my greatest teacher, and the original white horse warrior – my Mom.

Mom, take it away…

Hi Everyone. Thank you for supporting PMS, Natasha, and for creating this incredible community that I am so honored to be writing for today. My background is in clinical and industrial psychology. I have over 35 years of experience in clinical and organizational settings but I am not here with any of that today.

Today, I’m coming to you not as a professional; not even as Natasha’s Mom. I am not here as a wife, an ex-girlfriend, an ex-wife, a student, teacher, friend, partner, mother, sister or daughter. I’m coming to you as the one thing that for so many years, I judged, criticized, sabotaged, and tried to conceal – myself. 

I am what I like to call a storyologist and a professional lemonade maker. If you bring me your lemons, I can help you turn your pain, challenges, relationsh*ts, and obstacles into indifferently flushing, boundary-adjusting wisdom, and results.

I love helping people understand their own stories, deactivate their triggers, and enhance the quality of their personal and professional lives.

Natasha has written posts on Why You Need To Stay On The White Horse and What To Do When You Fall Off. So, I thought what better subject for my first guest post than What To Do When You Don’t Want To Stay On Your White Horse?

I’m happy that this metaphor I created for Natasha and used with so many of my clients over the years is popular here on PMS.

The Museum Of Me: Where The White Horse Resides

Before I get into that, I’d like to tell you where my white horse resides. Even Natasha doesn’t know this story.

Growing up in Europe, I probably went to every art and natural history museum in the major cities of the countries that I lived in and visited with my parents. They all looked very similar. Gray and foreboding structures with numerous steps leading to heavy doors that open into a foyer.

To the left, a gift shop and to the right, the information counter. Once the ticket was purchased, my father and I would enter the main hall of the museum. We were usually greeted by an enormous prehistoric skeleton of a dinosaur, either real or fabricated, letting us know that big or small, all things will come to an end. The decision then had to be made as to which wing, hall, or sections were to be visited given our time limitations. My father and I would stand and marvel at Mother Nature’s handiwork captured in glass, metal frames, or frozen in time by a taxidermist.

As I grew older and my father left, the visits to the museums stopped.

As a mental health provider, I have made a career of meeting with people and securing their trusts enough to get an invitation into their personal museums where they keep their untold stories, secrets, fears, and true feelings. However, my training dictated that self-disclosure be kept to a minimum and given only when necessary in the interest of my client.

As time passed and I evolved as a person and a provider, I realized that I had indeed built and housed a Museum of Me, just as the people I had been serving created. This Museum of Me was old and gray, with numerous steps leading up to a set of doors that were boarded up. The ticket counter was on the outside with no attendant. The sign read: “Do not enter. If you must, do so at your own risk.”

Occasionally, I would have to enter this museum to store yet another experience in one of its sections. Upon entering, just like the museums of natural history that I visited as a child, I was greeted with a colossal skeletal structure. This was not a prehistoric animal but rather a human skeleton, bending over slightly with a judgmental finger pointing toward me in admonishment and criticism. Each time the face could be different but the finger was always pointing at me with disappointment; letting me know I wasn’t good enough.

To the left of this rotunda was the Hall of Shame. Big, disintegrating red velvet ropes kept visitors at bay but I knew what was stored in that part of my museum.

Things like my name, heritage, rejection, humiliation, and parts of my history punctuated a lifetime of wanting to be perfect and approved of. Both my mother and the schools I attended in England demanded excellence and perfection just to be accepted as an average child. At school, an A+ could at least please a teacher. My classmates were another story.

My mother thrived on being perfect and demanding perfection in everything and everyone around her. One of my most favorite activities as a 10-year-old child was to wait until she and my father took their afternoon nap to go into the formal parlor where she kept her most favorite and precious silk Persian rug. Beautifully and delicately woven, this carpet was so special to her that no one was allowed to walk on it. We had to walk around it to get from one room to the other.

What you may not know is when a Persian rug is being woven, several women sit next to each other at the loom. To expedite the process, instead of having each person read a pattern and then tie the knots with wool or silk, there is a narrator who reads the pattern out loud to a melody. As this person sings the pattern, each person at the loom ties the corresponding knot. Traditionally, what the narrator is supposed to do is to introduce an error in the pattern, so that each and every Persian rug with its glorious design and colors has an imperfection. This is done out of respect for their belief in the Almighty because only God is perfect and can create perfection. For humans and Persian rug makers to create a perfect carpet would be blasphemous.

So, on my belly holding a yardstick that my mother kept in her sewing room, I would move this stick millimeter by millimeter across her most expensive Persian silk rug to find the imperfection. Maybe then, I could go to her and point out the flaw in her most beloved possession. I could then ask her how she could love an object that was clearly defective with no expectation and yet, have my faults stop her from expressing her love, approval, and acceptance openly to me.

I never did find the imperfection in the silk rug. I even asked my father to take me to see how Persian rugs were made and to check out the story of the deliberate imperfections sung into every carpet. The story was true, there is an imperfection in every rug and those who appreciate Persian carpets either don’t know about this or they accept it as part of the weaving process.

So, in my Hall of Shame are all of my imperfections noticed, mentioned, and not accepted by my mother and others that I attracted as I was growing up.

The adjacent hall in the Museum of Me is the Hall of Blame. You can’t really have one without the other. To be blamed is to be seen as doing something wrong. To be shamed is to be wrong. I did wrong and more importantly, I was wrong.

However, upstairs in the Museum of Me is an entire Ward of Dreams. This is where intuition, inner wisdom and the higher-self reside.

Tucked away under a pile of ancient manuscripts of life lessons learned is where my White Horse rides. Waiting for me to grow up, to claim it, to climb on top and carry me through the many trials and tribulations of my relationships and life.

There is a small but interesting corner in the Museum of Me that houses musical instruments – songs, melodies and sounds that can act as time machines transporting me to different parts of my life.

On a shelf, high above arms-length, sits a red accordion.

Mr. K was hired by my parents to teach me how to play my first musical instrument, an accordion. I met him in the first weeks of summer when I was six years old. He walked up the stairs to our house and entered the library holding two big cases that looked like suitcases. My mother introduced us and left to get him a cool beverage.

He opened the smaller case and brought out the shiniest red accordion I had ever seen. He opened the other case and removed his opulent white accordion. He explained to me how an accordion operated like a person’s lungs and how the player’s job was to breathe a song in and out of this instrument. My name in my native language means “a song or a melody.” Mr. K, as he strapped the red accordion onto my small body said: “All you have to do is to figure out the song in your heart and let the accordion play it.” Leaving him to move to England was one of the greatest tragedies of my childhood. At the time, I didn’t know nor understand why it was so devastating.

I had not even stepped into this section of The Museum Of Me for years when I was diagnosed with breast cancer on New Year’s Eve, 2016. Sitting in the waiting room in the Radiation Oncology Department, in February of the same year, I received a text that would throw me back into the music section of the Museum of Me.

My father had been invited to visit his former students and colleagues in Washington, DC. Although I understood why he had to leave, I still felt abandoned. I wanted him to want to accompany me to my radiation sessions as I had taken him to his.

I knew they were having a reception and his host had been texting me to apprise me of his well-being. The text was from his hostess, the wife of a former student, now a grandmother.

I was called to receive my treatment before I had a chance to open the text. After my treatment, I sat in the car and opened the text. The hostess told me that my father was well and she had a surprise for me which she was sending as a video clip.

Not knowing what to expect, I pressed play. I was greeted by a gray old man embracing a white accordion, calling me by my first name and asking me if I remembered the song he was about to play. It was Mr. K.

Tears would not allow me to focus on what I was seeing. In an instant, I was transported to that section in my museum where I kept that red accordion on an unreachable shelf. What was within reach was the piano and the critical piano teacher that echoed my mother’s dissatisfaction with me. A simple video, sent via text, took that red accordion and placed it back in my lap.

Over four decades ago, I met with Mr. K one year per week. That’s right, every hour with him felt like a wonderful year. You see, in a world and at a time where and when I was wrong, imperfect, short and inept, once a week for a man with the kindest eyes, I was right, perfect, tall, and talented.

Even when I made a mistake in playing the piece we were working on, he would listen and then play the piece correctly asking me which version I thought sounded best. Here he was again, at a time in my life when I felt imperfect, wrong, and inept and ridden with cancer. He was playing an old song and, in essence, inviting me to rediscover what was whole, right and good about me again.

As we grow up, we build and expand the Museum of Me – storing memories and artifacts that are both positive and negative. We display some of the positive ones in our daily lives and on social media such as diplomas, degrees, vacations, accomplishments, and wedding bands. I would hide and disguise the negative with shame and blame.

Cancer and aging have forced me to enter my museum to remodel and reopen it as an exhibition hall. A place to share with others with pride in having survived my life and myself.

Now I understand that true healing and self-disclosure are nothing more than sharing a part of the museum with someone who genuinely allows you to peek into theirs. In doing so, the lines between the teacher and the student, the professional and the client, parent and child, spouses and partners blur as one needs the other to live, learn, and in some cases, move on.

You need to open the doors to your museum to see where your white horse resides. 

The Museum Of Me: Where The White Horse Resides

What to do when you don’t want to stay on your white horse…

Whenever I’ve gone through a breakup – whether it be in business, with a friend, in marriage or in romantic relationships – it’s very easy to get stuck in a vicious cycle of rehashing the past or rehearsing the future. This is done either in my head, with others, or while doing FBI “investigatory work.”

This constant toggling between reviewing the past and anticipating the future prevents you from not only being present in your own life, but from being able to respond appropriately. We continuously rehash the past and review the future by thinking, “what if he/she falls in love?” “What if he/she does/doesn’t text or call or blocks me on his/her social media?”

We look for validation from any source that will give us the opportunity to rehash and rehearse until we exhaust ourselves and everyone around us.

I’ve worked with so many men and women over the years who have said to me, “What if he marries/dates someone else?  I don’t want him/her to be with someone better.”

This is like working for years repairing/remodeling your partner (of course all in the name of love, if he/she loves me, he/she will change). It’s just like remodeling a home and now that it’s almost done, not wanting to have another person come in to enjoy the newly remodeled home that you have worked so hard to create.

What we forget is that we are wired to be possibilitists.

We fall in love with potential and because of this, we have the ability to infuse emotion into just about anything. We can then romanticize it, sexualize it, idealize it, potentialize it, dramatize it, fall in love with it even when we know it’s not good for us. Eventually and very gradually, we become blind to the red and pink flags staring us in the face as we doubt and deny our very own reality.

We know we want oranges so we go shopping for an orange tree. Unfortunately, we settle for any tree with little round baby green fruits on it even if the tag says “green apple tree,” or the tag may very well say “orange tree,” but we know that it doesn’t resemble an orange tree whatsoever.

We invest our time and nurture the tree with love and energy. We water it with tears trying to get the tree to produce oranges and we refuse to accept that apple trees don’t give oranges.

We continue to feed and water the tree with more of our time, love and resources, hoping that with enough effort, the green fruit will turn into an orange.  When the apple tree produces round fruit, we can stay in denial, ignore the signs, ask why it won’t give us oranges after everything that we have done for it. Eventually, we either break up or break down.

This why we rehash the past – all the effort, the pain, the arguments, the drama of cultivating the tree. We rehearse the future when we don’t get the fruit – even when we know it was never an orange tree.

We can stay in this time zone for very long periods of time.

Getting on the White Horse enables you to get above all the bs. It allows you to reevaluate your relationship, examine your part in what took place and choose how you are going to respond to the situation instead of bouncing from one reaction or relationsh*t to another.

However, it can be very lonely on the white horse. After all, there’s only room for one.

So what if you’re tired of being on the White Horse and want to get off? Here are some things to consider…

  • Recognize that although being on the white horse can be lonely, you are never alone when you are riding along with other warriors and are a part of a cavalry like you are here on PMS.
  • You CAN stop. You should stop. You can stop by sharing your story to teach, help and learn from other riders as you do here with Natasha and each other.
  • You can rehash, you can even rehearse but don’t react to the perpetrator and re-traumatize yourself.
  • Focus on understanding that you are triggered instead of acting on those triggers at the expense of your dignity.
  • Once you are aware of the triggers, the HOOKS that pull you out of living in the present and put you into rehashing the past and rehearsing the future, focus on asking the following question: “What am doing TO myself and what am I doing FOR myself?” There is a difference that we tend to overlook. We pay a heavy price for it in the long run.
  • Share your story with intention – not just to rehash and rehearse, not to masochistically scratch the mosquito bite into an infectious mess, but to understand, learn and grow from the RIDE.
  • Practice GRATITUDE for having lived through the experience instead of being stuck in the middle of it with no awareness.
  • Realize that you are not what happens to you. You are what you choose to BECOME. This is the difference between reacting and responding.
  • I have many clients who want to get off of their white horse. They ask me, “What’s the point of staying on if he/she doesn’t even care?” The white horse is for YOU. It’s what allows you to be the class act that got away instead of being “The Explainer” – the anti-superhero who is perpetually crazy labeled.
  • The cost of stepping off your white horse will always outweigh any temporary satisfaction. Always.

After all, you are the white horse, you are the rider, and you are the ride into your own Happily Ever After.

XOXO, Tarane

+ If you would like to book a session with my Mom, please do so through the form on this page and specify that you would like to work with her 🙂

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119 comments

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Tarane,

You are a complete Goddess. Absolutely wise. Absolutely full of love and compassion. This piece is just a beautiful, big Persian rug of words ….made of love. All your words are wise, but so beautifully woven into your story, the wisdom you share is even more precious.

It is so hard to share a story. Many stories here are raw when they are shared on PMS. Your story is striking – the way you write it- it’s like a honey pot has dribbled sweetness into it. If there is one thing I have learnt, it’s that the bitterness and sadness in life teaches you to recognise the sweet.

I don’t really know where to begin, but I love the analogy of the museum. The Hall of Shame. The Hall of Blame.
As a perfectionist myself (what a ball and chain it has been) it’s no wonder so much of the museum has not been seen or shared. Too hard to open up and expose what the room holds. I think I have a Hall of Fear in my museum.
It’s very dark in there. Time to turn on the light.

We ALL need a Mr K in our lives. That part of your story melted my heart. ❣

You are so right about the white horse! I love, love, love your quote about what am I doing TO myself and what am I doing FOR myself.
There is so much weight in that! I’m going to print that out and put it on my wall. I need to really take that on board.

So true to practise gratitude. Awareness is a gift made of gold, even when it’s wrapped in pain and tied in bad habits. You can open it, and use it. Then throw away the bad habits and pain. Self growth comes from opening those doors that no one visits in the museum.
The Halls don’t matter so much when people see them and say “I love that rug – it’s beautiful”. I think we see our flaws so much more than others ever do.

You’re so strikingly beautiful, Tarane. So is your name. I’m so happy and honoured to have been able to share in what you have written. I’m truly grateful for it. Also for Natasha. This whole tribe exists because of her. This is a powerful place full of love. ❤️ What a beautiful daughter you have raised. Thank you! 💐

Speaking of tribes….expect to hear the collective sound of many hooves thundering around the globe. The tribe WILL be coming to read your beautiful, wise and poignant words. 🦄🦄🦄

I think I want to buy a Persian rug and remember this story every time I look at it. This is truly amazing to read. It’s like being a young girl and reading a fairy tale, there’s always a lesson and a message in the story, it’s just woven around a story visually painted in words. You get the visual as you read, and feel like you’re in the story too.
I love reading to my students, because they go silent ( even the boys) hanging on to every word, imagining what is being described, and thoughtful at the end when we reflect on the message.
Love to you…I’m crying. This is so special. 🌟

Namaste. 🙏

Much love xxx 🌺❤️🕊

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‘Perfect’ response Lorelle. ❤️

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Agreed 🙂 xx

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Hi Lorelle
It takes one Goddess to know another 💜😊
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your heartfelt sentiments, your kind acknowledgment and your reflections on the Museum of Me. I believe in the power of our personal narrative, especially when it’s shared.
We are so similar to persian rugs, woven over a lifetime and despite our imperfections, we are beautiful and enduring. Perfectionism is really about keeping others away and not about our flaws. Maybe I’ll write about that someday.
I am delighted that the post spoke to you and that you found my metaphors meaningful. It took me a while to learn the difference between what I DO to myself vs. what I do FOR myself. It’s has brought me a great deal of clarity and has kept me on the white horse. I’m glad it gave you some pause.
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts in such a lovely way and especially for reading to your student. What a splendid gift you are. I am certain you are Mr. K to so many of those students and a big part of their Museum. Thank you🙏🏻💜
Natasha is so blessed to have you and the PMS community and I am honored to be a part of it.
Much love to you.
Tarane

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We love you Lorelle. You already know how much you and this beautiful note means to me. Thank you for being the light, love, and beautifully old soul that you are. xxxx

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I’ve been waiting for this since you announced it on your Instagram. Natasha you are so crazy amazing and your mom is phenomenal. I know I’m truly not alone, there’s a whole tribe of us all over the world , trying to rebuild ourselves from the ashes and pains of the past and even the present. Please keep your posts coming and have your mom on here again. You are making such a difference you have no idea.
😘 love you ❤️

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Thank you Denise for your kind acknowledgment. I’m delighted to be a part of this amazing community.

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I love you too Denise. This brought me to tears. Thank you for your love, support, connection, and for just being the light that you are. XOXO

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Also – I’m glad you love my Mom’s post as much as I do 🙂

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You guys…she gets it from her mama ❤️❤️

I was about to go to sleep but saw the email pop up and just couldn’t wait! I’m so overwhelmed, I don’t even know where to begin!

Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us, Tarane. I was brought to tears over Mr. K. I’m so glad you had someone in your childhood who provided you with the love, acceptance, and validation that every child deserves. It’s what I’m learning to give to the parts of younger myself that felt deprived of this, and it is so incredibly healing. Your analogy of the Museum of Me is so relatable. It makes want to walk and explore even deeper into my own corridors. I don’t know if it’s because of our hard-wiring or because of our environment, or both, but I feel as though we as human beings have this undeniable urge and desire to – as you put it – be “storyologists.” To try to make sense of the events, feelings, and experiences we go through. But what I’m realizing is we start this storytelling from a young age, perhaps not entirely conscious of what we tell ourselves, especially when it comes to “lessons” learned from traumatic experiences in childhood. We then grow into adults who have taken so well to repeating a narrative that a little child tried their best to construct to “make sense” of something that likely didn’t make any sense at the time. And I think all too often the narrative is damaging to our self-esteem, robs us of our self-love, and ultimately prevents us from living and embodying our true potential. I so admire your profession. I’m not sure if one of the goals of therapy is to come out of it with a more “coherent” narrative or story, but I do believe it’s one of the most beneficial side-effects.

Also loved the phrase “rehearsing the future.” Never thought of it that way. Reminds me of what a waste it is to sentence ourselves to a fixed hypothetical outcome our faulty narratives and triggers can convince us we’re destined for when things don’t work out the way we’d hoped. The story about the Persian rugs was also so good. Life would be so boring and one-dimensional without our imperfections. Would there even be a PMS or this tribe without our imperfections? 😉

And finally, I just want to say thank-you so much for Natasha! It’s a testament to you – the way she has chosen to turn her pain and heartbreak into such a bright beam of light, comfort, wisdom, and hope for so many other people. I hope you are doing well and wish you all the health and happiness in the world 💖

Amy xx

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Hi Amy,
Thank you for your kind acknowledgment and for sharing your thoughts. I couldn’t agree more with you. We are all the main character in our own stories. It’s all in how we choose to tell our story, first of all to ourselves and then to others. These stories are never ending. They continue in the hearts of those we touch and eventually leave behind.
I am so blessed to be Natasha’s mom and to be welcomed in such a special way by you and the wonderful PMS community. Thank your well wishes and love.
Much love to you.
Tarane

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Amy,

I am in tears. I took a screenshot of this beautiful, heartfelt and thoughtful message.

I’m so glad that you love my Mom’s post as much as I do 🙂 Thank you for being everything that you are. Thank you for your presence here in this tribe.

Thank you for existing. I don’t know what I ever did to be lucky enough to have connected with you.

I love you with all my heart soul sister. XOX

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Beautiful. I was so happy to see this post today.. thank you. I appreciate these words of wisdom.

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Hi Amy,
Thank you for your kind acknowledgment and for sharing your thoughts. I couldn’t agree more with you. We are all the main character in our own stories. It’s all in how we choose to tell our story, first of all to ourselves and then to others. These stories are never ending. They continue in the hearts of those we touch and eventually leave behind.
I am so blessed to be Natasha’s mom and to be welcomed in such a special way by you and the wonderful PMS community. Thank you for your well wishes and love.
Much love to you.
Tarane

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Hi Mia,
Thank you. Glad you liked it.
With love,
Tarane

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🙂 xoxo

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What an amazing post and powerful loving mother daughter duo. What you share and how you share create healing tools for the heartbroken around the world. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for the metaphor of the white horse, and my tribe on horseback I imagine behind me. Sending so much love and gratitude. – Kelly <3

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Hi Mia,
Thank you for your lovely words and for being a fellow rider on the white horse. We are all together …..happy trails,
Tarane

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I am equally as grateful for you Kelly. We ALL are <3

Big love to you sister. xx

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Wow. I’m at a loss of words, for the wisdom in this post. I’m going to have to sit with this one before I post again. So much to take in. But I had to take the time to thank you at the outset. With the most sincere gratitude…Helen

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Yes… this piece is a meal. I’ve read it about 7 times… ❤️

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Hi Helen,
Thank you and Lorelle ( in her response to you) for such a heartfelt compliment. I love reading things that stay with me, brew and morph into amazing lessons as they unfold. I am delighted to have brought you some food for thought. Bon appetite dear ladies.
Love and Light to you both.
Tarane

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Hi Helen,

I’m glad that you love this post as much as I do. Thank you for your support, sisterhood, love, and for being a part of this tribe 🙂 XOX

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Wowza, this post hit it all in the feels and kind of felt like the bitch slap I needed. I hadn’t realized until recently how I wasn’t living in the present. I was so worried and concerned with getting out of my current sh*tty phase that I wasn’t enjoying the good I had around me. My friend said it’s like having 999 puzzle pieces and being so absorbed with the lost 1 piece that I’m not paying attention to what I could create from the 999 I had. I was feeling really close to wanting to jump tuck and roll myself off my white horse. This post, from beginning to end, was an excellent reminder and motivation I needed to continue on and staying on my white horse.

Thank you both for sharing your lessons and experiences and advice with all of us. You never really know how impactful your words can be until you feel them physically affect you. Feeling that tightening in your chest loosen just a little bit and finally being able to feel like you can breathe just a little easier. Bless and love!

PS mercury is retrograde so stay cautious 🙂

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Hi Becca,
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. Most of us are in a constant state of rehashing the past and rehearsing the future. I usually pick a color for the day and each time I see it throughout my day , it serves as a reminder for me to take a deep breath and notice the present.
I loved the 999 piece puzzle analogy. Been there so many times. I’m delighted that you found the post to be impactful.
Thank you for the reminder about Mercury and stay on that white horse. The view is amazing.
With love,
Tarane

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LOVE YOU Becca 🙂 So glad you loved it! xx

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Tarane,
There is no words that can describe how I feel after I was reading this post. You’re a role model and hero for me ♥️
Thank you for sharing your story, it’s not taken for granted that you open up and tell your story.
This post helped me so much to understand and realize a lot of things.
I hope that it will not be the last post that you will write on the blog.

P.s
Now I can understand from where Natasha beauty came from, you are so beautiful! WOW! ♥️

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Hello Nurit,
Your loving words and support truly touched my heart. Thank you for everything again.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses to you,
Tarane

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<3 xoxo

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One of my favorite posts, that I will be going back to reading 😊

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Thank you Paola. Much love to you and your daughter.
Tarane

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Agreed! 🙂 xo

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Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, Tarane, and for raising such a ray of light. This was a great read and it’s undeniable where Natasha gets her brilliance from 🙂

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Hi Vanessa,
Thank you for your lovely acknowledgment. I simply held a mirror to your light and to the light in the PMS community.
Shine on lovely lady,
Tarane

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This made me tear up. Thank you Vanessa <3 I'd be happy just to be one echo of my Mom.

Sending you love. XOX

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Hello Natasha and Tarane,

Thank you so much for this informative post. What I loved MOST about this post is that we are, in fact, our OWN white horse. We are in control of our own destiny and whether we choose to be happy or not is in our hands. I went through a very difficult time back in October of 2016. The person who I thought was the the love of my life broke up with me suddenly, and he did it over the phone. Such a COWARD. At that moment I felt broken and dead inside. I felt like I had no control over my life or my own happiness. And then a friend of mine told me about PMS and how much the blog posts had helped her with her past relationsh*ts. I immediately subscribed and here I am one year and a half later and I feel like a whole new person. When I first signed up, I got the chance to speak with Natasha for a 15 minute call about coaching. Just talking to her for those 15 minutes helped me immensely. Through reading the posts here on PMS I have learned to take back control of my life and BE MY OWN WHITE HORSE. So thank you, Natasha and Tarane, for sharing your gifts with all of us and for helping so many women (and men!) through our difficult journeys. I am so grateful.

Xoxo,

Danielle

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Hi Danielle,
I believe whole heartedly that we are Not what happens to us but rather we are who we CHOOSE to become. Yes, you are the white horse, the rider and the ride. Thank you for your kind words.
Enjoy the journey,
Much 💗 love
Tarane

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This means more to me thank you’ll ever know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Danielle <3 xoxo

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It is so completely apparent where Natasha gets her strength and wisdom.
Tarane, thank you so much for sharing such a special story with us. I will always look at things now as a Persian rug. Something so beautiful and immaculate, to have an imperfection, is such a great reminder in life.
I truly think both you and Natasha have become my Mr. K. The most subtle or smallest of things bring me to a time or memory in my life, whether good or bad, and to look at it straight in the face amd dwal with it, something I’ve learned from both of you.
Thank you Natasha for this amazing community you’ve created, and Thank you Tarane for your words, and letting us in.
I will keep this post close to my heart ❤️

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Hi Brittany,
Thank you for your loving sentiments. I am honored to be your Mr. K.
May you see your museum become an exhibition hall of your inner light , wisdom and wonderful spirit.
Much love 💗
Tarane

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<3 <3 <3 I will keep YOU close to my heart always. We love you B. xoxo

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Love your Mom – thank you for sharing ♥

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Thank you Wyatt 💗🙏🏻
Much love to you.
Tarane

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Hi Wyatt!

Isn’t she incredible? You are missed, adored, loved and thought of so very often.

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This will always be one of my favorite blogs I have ever read. Natasha, I can completely see where your amazing talent has come from 💖💖 This post has touched me in many ways and at the most crucial time in my life that I’ll always be eternally grateful for. The white horse has a strong symbolic meaning that I’ve been facing for years now, and I’ve come to terms with it recently in ways how to embrace and cope with it. I don’t have to live a life filled with trauma, loneliness, or pain anymore and by using a white horse to fix all my problems. I can start to get off my white horse, I don’t need to live a life full of trauma or pain any longer; it’s how I choose to direct it.

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Hi Tara,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts in such a meaningful way. When we visit and share our museums with those who respect and appreciate the privilege, we actually experience post traumatic growth. We heal and our scars become a testament to our strength, endurance and tenacity.
Thank you for visiting my museum and allowing me to peek into yours.
Much 💗 love,
Tarane

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Thanks Tara! 🙂 Happy that you loved it as much as I do! XOXO

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THANK YOU for sharing your beautiful wisdom Tarane. Natasha you are definitely your mothers daughter. BOTH INCREDIBLE WOMEN. What an amazing post! Xxxx

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Hi Skevoulla
Thank you for your kind acknowledgment. It takes one to know one.
Much 💕 love,
Tarane

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Best compliment ever. Thank you Skevoulla 🙂 xx

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Beautiful post! My question is in, if you are staying on your white horse and maintaining a friendship with a past love, what is the appropriate action if you are the one still somehow allowing this person to consume your mind rehashing/ futurizing?

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Thank you Gina. I would need to know much more to answer your question. Most of us rent out a spot I our heart (sometimes at a huge cost) to a past love at some point in our lives. We must consider the why, what, when , where and the how of such a decision.
Please think about what the friendship with your past love is doing TO you vs. what it is doing FOR you and exercise self compassion. Love you more than you love the past love.
Hope this helps.
Much 💗 love.
Tarane

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Hi Tarane,

I truly appreciate your reply. I am going to spend some solid time implementing this outstanding advice. Thank you, this does help, and much love to you and Natasha!

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Tarane,

Do you have any books? You are phenominal and the apple clearly did not fall far from the tree ♥️🍎🌳

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Hi Carrie,
What a splendid compliment. I’m working on one. Will keep you posted😊
💗 love,
Tarane

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I’d hoped for a guest piece from this particular author since before PMS was officially launched. It was worth the wait.

Thank you for this post, Tarane. And thank you for Natasha.

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Hi Scott,
I just realized that you are the Scott Natasha speaks so highly of. So delighted to finally meet you ionline. Thank you so much for such a generous endorsement. I truly appreciate your vote of confidence and the gift of your friendship with Natasha.
Be well,
Tarane

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🙂 xxx

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Tarane,

I am truly lucky enough to.know you in person seeing as you are my BFF’s Mom but I have to say that each and everytime I encounter you it’s like emotional dyalsis. I feel purified and renewed . Your wisdom never ceases to amaze me and it resonates so deeply in my soul. I honor you, thank God for you and love you more than words could ever express. You are truly my hero. Thank you for your kindness and sharing your truth in such a special way, you and Natasha have always been there for me when I needed you most.

Will see you soon?

Xoxoxox

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Dearest Tonya
Stop it some more!!! 😍 it takes one fantabulous woman to know another.
Thank you for being such an amazing friend to Natasha and for being in my life.
I loved “ emotional dialysis “ and am delighted to know that you found the post and our visits as refreshing and valuable as I have. Love you so very very much. Hugs and kisses,
😍💋
Tarane

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Emotional dialysis is my new favorite term lol! Love you bff. Thank you for being YOU – just the way you are. XOXO

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Hello Tarane. It’s so nice to meet you through this post. I have seen the many beautiful photos of you and Natasha and now we all got to see a part of you. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story. I am truly speechless on how moving it was to read it. I now must look at myself this way. I never even imagined see my life, my world in this way but it may benefit me to do so. I’m scared but I may learn something. My favorite part is the description of the Persian rug. Wow! It seems appropriate for many of us. I also appreciate the advice on triggers and what we do to ourselves. That is all me. I still punish myself and take blame but I have not fallen from the horse by contacting him. Thank gosh I’m still holding on to my reign and saddle. I can see where Natasha gets her wisdom and beauty. I wish I was tas fortunate. Thank you for being her into the world 😘 . Both of you are a force of strength, wisdom and character. Thank you again. May you have good health and happiness and strength. My prayers are with you. 🌸💕🦄

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Hi Linda,
Thank you for your heartfelt acknowledgment and for your well wishes and prayers. I am so delighted that you found the post to be of value.
We are all just like Persian carpets. Woven over time. Our beauty lies in our imperfections, endurance and resilience. May you be blessed with self compassion and love.
💗 much love to you,
Tarane

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Linda,

There is nothing I could ever write back that would even come close to expressing how much you, your love and this message means to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love and appreciate you endlessly. XOXO

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I have been looking forward to seeing a post from you Tarane. Natasha has always spoken with so much love and appreciation for you and now I totally understand why. Your words amd wisdom shine so bright in this post and so honest and heartfelt there are truly not enough words ro describe how deeply touching this was for me to read. What an honor this was to hear from the beautiful mother of our beloved Natasha. I clearly see where her love and compassion ro help others comes from. I have said this before in other posts but you must be so proud of her and all the wonderful things she is doing to help so many of us heal from our pain and grow stronger every day. She is the biggest reason i have not gotten off my white horse. Her inspiring words of wisdom and truth in all of her posts is what has kept me going all these months.

Thank you for bringing such a beautiful soul into this world. I admire and respect you both for sharing your love and light with us here.

Blessings …love… and big hugs to both.
xxxx 💖💗💗🦄🦄🦄
#whitehorsewarriors

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Hi Vicki,
Thank you for your loving support and heartfelt acknowledgment of Natasha and my post. I am delighted to have been if value to you. The most important 3 letters I have after my name is MOM. I am truly blessed with my true Gurus, my children I am so very proud of Natasha and her passion for helping others. Serving others is one if the best ways we can choose to be more than our trials ands tribulations.
Blessings, Light and Love to you and your,
Be well.
With ❤️ love,
Tarane

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Vicki,

This meant more to me than my words will ever be able to express. Besides your presence, love and light, YOU really gave us the greatest gift of all: #whitehorsewarriors. I love you so much Vicki. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. XOXO

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Tarane/Natasha,

Your daughter is so remarkable that it comes to no surprise that you are a goddess yourself. PMS posts always seem to come when i need them the most… When i’m doubting myself, there’s an alert in my inbox and i’m brought back to this place of strength. I remind myself everyday to stay on my White Horse, and this is the longest i’ve ever been able to do so.

Thank you for sharing!!

<3 Jess

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Hi Jess,
Thank you for your loving support and words. It takes s Goddess to know one.
There are no coincidences. You are the white horse, the rider and the ride. Enjoy the journey and know that you’re never alone. Natasha, PMS and I are always with you. Much 💗 love,
Tarane

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Happy that you love this post as much as I do 🙂 Thanks Jess! xoxo

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Tarane,

Your story had me in tears. You and your daughter are a complete blessing. Thank you to you and Natasha for your amazing words and helping others. ❤️

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Hi Andrea,
Thank you for your heartfelt response to the post. I’m delighted to have been of value to you. With much love and appreciation 💜
Tarane

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<3 <3 <3

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I am so thankful to have read such an amazing story, thank you for sharing! I have heard such amazing things about you from Natasha !

Natasha in a short period of time has really changed my mindset 180 degrees, and I must say looking inward was/is the hardest thing I have ever done but with her guidance and my strength, new found self respect and dignity – I have never felt so much lighter. I have trigger days. we all do. But what I treasure the most is that I recognize them and am learning to respond vs react. I have never till this day and until working with Natasha been able to even locate my white horse. I am so proud that we are BFFs now, my white horse is my saving grace, he is my “no matter what” my “Self Respect” my “love” and my “happily ever after”.

Thank you both! I am paving such a new road and honestly without Natasha making laugh until I cry or when I cry making me laugh the road wouldn’t have been so delightful!

XOXOX,
Suzie

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Dear Suzie,
Thank you for your kind acknowledgment and for sharing your “road”.
It is an honor to be a part of this amazing PMS community and to ride along so many incredible white horse warriors🐎
Enjoy every moment of your happily ever after daily.
With love and gratitude,
Tarane

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SUZIE! I love this and you!

So happy for and proud of you sister. xoxo

Miss you!

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Tarane & Natasha,

What an amazing post and it came at the perfect time. PMS has helped me to stay on my white horse the past 3 months and I am eternally grateful for finding this blog.

xo Autumn

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Thank you Autumn. We are delighted to support you.
Tarane and Natasha

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And i am eternally grateful for you being a part of this tribe 🙂 Thanks Autumn! xox

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Dear Tarane,

Thank you for writing this post. Before I read it this morning, my heart’s desire was to climb off my white horse and your words (gently) brought me back from the cliff’s edge. I’m several years in to my codependency recovery and while I have a lot of awareness of my own issues I still struggle to make self-love a natural instinct. Thinking about the white horse reminds me to love myself, and I’m deeply grateful to you and Natasha for that.

What I value most about your daughter’s work is her unique voice: its resonance is such that it feels as though she is writing only to me. I see where she learned how to do that. Thanks for sharing your gift.

Warmly,

Brandon

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Dear Brandon,
I am so delighted to have been of value to you and to learn about your special connection to Natasha’s work. I agree with you. Self love and self compassion is vital to our wellbeing and survival.
With much love,
Tarane

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Thanks Brandon 🙂 I’m so happy that you love this post as much as I do.

Thank you for being you and for being a part of this tribe. You are never, ever alone. XO

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Hi Tarane
I have been waiting for your post ever since Natasha announced it. And constantly checking for it so when it finally appeared I was ecstatic to say the least. I read it multiple times and hung on it each word. It was like as long as I read it I was safe and comforted and so I kept reading, repeatedly.
I just want to say your drop dead gorgeous. You and Natasha both and I wish I could get to meet you guys and hug you :(…….. But I am really far away in India. Maybe one day
Lots of love
Meg

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Dear Meg,
What a lovely response to my post and all the way from one of my most favorite places in the world: India. I am so touched. Thank you. Looking forward to meeting you one of these days.
With love,
Tarane

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Meg,

We all definitely have to meet one day <3 Love you and thank you so much for this. Thank you for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you sister. I think of you often. xx

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Thank you Tarane! I’m speechless. I’m guilty of re-traumatizing and rehashing every object, vitrine and exhibit in my life. You are an inspiration and badass woman! I love and appreciate you and Natasha so much. Xoxo Syd

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🙂 xxxx

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Tarane, this almost made me cry for so many reasons. Such a beautiful, thought-provoking and well-written piece.This blog alone should be placed on display somewhere!

You should be so, so, so proud of your daughter. She has not only tapped into a collective suffering that so many are dealing with but, through PMS, has found a way to bring us all together and help us in recconecting with ourselves. So much gratitude to both yourself and Natasha.

Keep on ridin’

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Thank you so much!

And yes, I agree with you – this post is incredible 🙂 So happy that you love it as much as I do! xoxo

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Dear Thank you,
Your response truly touched my heart. I am grateful for having been of value to you. I am so proud of Natasha, of this splendid community and honored to be a part of it.
With love and appreciation,
Tarane

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Hi Sydney
Thank you for your heartfelt compliment. We all rehash and rehears. It’s the human condition. Just recognizing that you are and bringing you attention back to the present and to the here and now over and over again is the first step to self love and mindful living.
Be well.
Xox
Tarane

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Hi Dr. Tarane! Oh how I miss you and your gorgeous daughter! I wanted to write on here to let you know that you helped save my life, multiple times. I’m still struggling daily, but, every time I want to give up on life, I remember something you told me in one of our sessions that NO psychologist ever told me. That it’s ok to feel the way I’m feeling and that it would be weird if I didn’t feel a certain way with all that I’ve been through. So now I try to remind myself when I’m about to give up, that it’s ok to feel this way, it’s ok to feel bad, but it’s not ok to give up. Instead of trying to push the emotions away, I accept them and try to do something positive to redirect my thought processes. YOU taught me that, only you, and it’s saved me many times.

I was wondering if you and Natasha would want to grab lunch when you’re all in town next time? I’d love to see you both and thank you in person. Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me, you’re truly the most amazing woman.

Oh, is there a book of yours you would reccommend I read? I love how you write and I think your books could help me a lot.
Xoxoxoxo,
Whitney Loeser

P.s. Your hair looks so beautiful!!!!!!!

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I would love that 🙂 xx

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Dear Thank you,
Your response truly touched my heart. I am grateful for having been of value to you. I am so proud of Natasha, of this splendid community and honored to be a part of it.
With love and appreciation,
Tarane

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Dear Whitney,
How lovely to hear from you. Thank you for your heartfelt recognition. It made my day. I am so delighted to have been of service to you. I think of you often and look forward to connecting at your convenience.
It takes one amazing person to know another. You are one of the strongest people I have ever known. Hope you’re well. Much love to you 💕
Tarane

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P.S. no books yet Whitney. Soon 🙂

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I am so blessed to have found this blog. It is exactly what I needed to get over a blind-sighted break up. I have been reading everything and feel like a sponge soaking everything in. I’m hurt – sad – disappointed and shocked. Now is the time for me to practice and continue my journey of self-love. Tearing as I write this – I’m so glad you all are here. <3 Tammy

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You are never alone Tammy. Happy that you love this post as much as I do 🙂 Thanks for your love and support. xx

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Hi Tammy,
Thank you for your response. As Natasha said, you’re not alone. Sometimes breakups are blessings in disguise. Relationships ultimately
prepare us for the most significant relationship in our lives; the relationship with ourselves. Glad to be of value to you.
With love,
Tarane

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Hi Tarane,

What an inspiring and empowering post! Thank you so much for the last bit about why to not get off our white horse and reminding me why it’s ok to stay on the white horse in the long run. I recently finished a casual relationship (yet again) that was not serving me but the temporary high and satisfaction were more important to me than my long term happiness. I always seem to put such a high premium on sex and it leading to a relationship when it NEVER works that way.

Thank you for reminding me what it feels like to have self worth and why it is so important.

All my love,

Kat
xxx

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Dear Kat,
Glad to have been of value to you and to learn that you are appreciating your worth. I agree with you. A healthy intimate relationship must start with sex between the ears before moving to sex between the legs. Unfortunately, many of us are socialized to believe and pursue the reverse which can be devastating. Wishing you self love and a healthy relationship.
Tarane

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I’ve been reading this blog for a while, and the understanding and compassion (and lack of judgement) that shines through Natasha and Tarane’s posts has helped me through some dark places over the last year – so thank you both. It’s hard sometimes to see that I house multitudes – that I have been as powerful as much as (and even as) I have felt weak and insignificant, unseen and unheard, that I have stores inside – of memories and possibilities – that will help me connect with my future, and that I have been storing these things without realising it. Even harder to open this up, all these complexities and contradictions, all the mistakes and misrecognition. It feels that to open it up would be to open up an underworld of darkness, disappointment, exhaustion, and grief, so it has felt easier to exist in isolation.

The white horse is a place of quiet solidarity with myself. In this place, time moves differently. It’s slower; there are seasons, not hours. It makes me realise that there are not two worlds, one “good” and above ground and one “bad”, the underworld, but that we’re spinning through worlds with every interaction with others – strangers and those closest to us – and can choose to stay planted, to find ways to stay above ground.

Thank you for your beautiful words, Natasha and Tarane.

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Hi PG! I’m so happy that you love this post as much as I do and could not agree with you more about the white horse. Thank you for your love, support, and for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you. xx

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Endlessly grateful for this point, which I’ve read no less than ten times. Of all the ways there are to tell this message, this post does so much more. It SHOWS us how powerful it is to share your (mine, our) story with intention. Because this is truly inspirational message, which, and I say this with great thanks, has totally punctured my heart. Instead of endlessly searching, investigating, rehashing, and growing more and more obssessed about the imperfection of the rug, you have helped me to see its beauty as a WHOLE. For years, all that existed was an endless search to understand and proclaim my own imperfections, and what’s more, lead with that story in everyhing. Without this message and others from Natasha, I would have no idea that my house even has a second floor. I think I would be downstairs answering the door every time a trigger pushed the doorbell. To know that you and Natasha exist and have become aware enough to share your stories and turn pain into love is one of the great blessings in my life. Much love to you both.

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I am endlessly grateful for and appreciative of you Irena. I’m so glad that this post resonated with you the same way it did with me 🙂 xx

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SO sorry for the late comment – I’ve been thinking about your words for the past week. What really hits home is when you say that “know that big or small, all things will come to an end”. Its a reminder of how temporary the pain and anguish we face in our lives can be. Its an honor to have connected with you – and you words have touched my soul. I hope one day I can meet you and Natasha. I will forever be grateful that the world brought me to this blog – it was not by chance, that I am sure of. It was meant to be.

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That awareness alone has changed my life.

I am the one who is forever grateful 🙂 We love you and cannot wait to meet you too. XX

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Dearest Sposzhmai,
You have no idea how happy your response made me. Yes, the only permanent thing in life is impermanence. My father’s cancer taught me that LIFE is a sexually transmitted syndrome that is fatal. This has made the pain in my life more tolerable and the joy more precious. Thank you for the joy of knowing you. Looking forward to connecting soon.
With love,
Tarane

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Beautifully written-and what’s amazing is both your and your mother’s ability to be SO very effective in truly helping women become rock-solid strong. There are no credentialed professionals who can even come close to what you do in terms of empowering a person’s soul and sense of true self. Your coaching has been worth it’s weight in gold for me, not only because you are incredibly intuitive, but also because I felt SO much love from you in our three sessions. So ladies out there… more than any outfit you can buy, more than any spa testament you can give yourself, or any other thing you can do to please yourself aesthetically, invest in your soul first and if nothing else, read this website every day!

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K, I am in tears. That means everything to me.

Thank you so much – the pleasure was/is truly all mine. Love and miss you.

Happy that you loved my Mom’s post as much as I do 🙂 xx

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This post was so beautiful and inspiring that I am actually speechless.
Thank you for sharing this with us, Natasha’s mom.
Thank you Natasha for allowing us this pleasure of your mom’s beautiful wisdom.
I am so very grateful.
This is a treasure and you ladies are so very lucky to have each other.

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You are incredible.

I am so glad that you love this post as much as I do 🙂 Thank you so much Michelle. All my love to you sister. XOXO

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Dear Michelle,
Your sweet acknowledgment touched my heart. Thank you. So glad that you liked the post. Much love,
Tarane

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“We fall in love with potential ….” really hit home. I wanted nothing more to believe this with my ex, which made me fall
off & get back on my white horse 5 times in the past 7 months (as long as we’ve been broken up). Every time I had hopes of something regarding a reconciliation, it was just sex to him. So I’m back in the horse realizing if I’m going to find the right one, I HAVE TO LET GO OF THE WRONG ONE!! As much as it hurts. Falling in love with potential..your post was amazing. It’s hard to go through this .. here’s to locating & staying on the white horse! Thanks for giving me hope & courage. xo

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Hi Meredith! I’m happy that you love this message and post as much as I do 🙂 Big love and hugs to you sister. xo

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Hi Tarane,

I cannot thank you enough for this post. Your daughter referred me to it when I commented on her post, and I thank Natasha for leading me here. I am 39 yrs old and two years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer on my right breast at the very early stage, and after a series of very painful screenings and lumpectomies on my left breast this was not the quality of life I was looking for long term, along with the anxiety of the cancer returning, I opted for a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. I was blessed with the MOST AMAZING breast surgeon in NYC, and she referred me to a plastic surgeon that changed my life. If anyone is looking for their names I am happy to provide. Being a single mom and raising my 6 year old at that time I felt my decision was the best..it killed me when I was in pain after a hug from my daughter following another biopsy. I was also in the middle of trying to purchase a home for us and my ex-husband decided to start a custody battle shortly after. My father was very ill, and I was juggling several challenges all while trying to hold back tears in my eyes in front of my daughter. My faith in God, St. Michael and St. Jude is strong, and I prayed a lot throughout this time. I prayed for guidance, I spoke with several friends that I knew would offer support and comfort, and I tried to find as many sites online that would offer me strength. Your post is so powerful on so many levels I hold back tears as I sit here in my cubicle at work. You have done a phenomenal job raising your daughter to be the inspiration she is because you yourself are a phenomenal woman who I now will always be inspired by. I feel strong after reading your post and I will continue to advocate how amazing this site is to everyone I know. I discussed it with my therapist last night and she was so happy to hear how moved I was by the posts on this site. A woman’s resilience is never to be underestimated. Your analogy of the tree is spot on when it comes to how I have viewed all my past relationships, and you have to view the person for who they are and not what you would like them to be. I will re-read your post several times to continue on this path, and I thank you for taking the time to let us know about your upbringing and your mom. I feel so blessed to be a part of this amazing tribe. May God bless you, Natasha and your loved ones always. Love, Rosa xoxoxxo

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This brought me to tears. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Rosa. I am so happy that you loved this post as much as I do 🙂

You are such an inspiration and we are all so happy to have you here. BIG love to you. xx

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Thank you so much. xoxo

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<3 <3 <3

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