It’s that really beautiful but f*cked up time of year again where, if you don’t have healthy boundaries, if you’re fresh off a breakup, if you’re in a relationship, single, have family drama or just have blood pumping through your veins, you’re literally on the world’s most, just-shoot-me-now marathon of anxiety, insecurity, missing him, feeling perpetually uncomfortable, question answering and going into emotional, physical (and possibly financial) tailspin, debt.

You’re dying on the inside, but have to put on this happy & grateful front so instead, you over indulge in food and drinks, vow to not check your phone (yeah right you’re creeping on it every minute), and try not to cry, think about the breakup, your pain and the fact that here you are with nothing but “joyful reminders” all around you of the emptiness that you feel.

Even the weather isn’t your friend. It gets colder and your ex that you miss more than anything has been replaced with a Walgreens heating pad.

Am I the only one that feels like the holidays should come with the warning: “Caution: May only be enjoyed as a couple.” ??

It starts with Thanksgiving and just when you feel like you’ve somehow survived whichever holiday you celebrate in December (and your family/friends that come along with it), then comes that empty and scary, but also kind of cool-because-I’m-wiping-my-sh*tbat-crazyass-slate-clean, feeling that the New Year brings, and then…yup, Valentine’s Day. It never ends.

If you’ve gone through a breakup, are unhappy or just feel like you’re stuck in an emotional or physical rut, the holidays have a great way of unveiling and exploiting your true feelings about yourself and your pain to not just you, but mix in a few egg nogs or spiked hot chocolates, and everyone else knows too. JOY.

So besides having each other, knowing that we aren’t alone and having this tribe of badassness to always take a break from the bs and turn to, what can you do to not just survive, but reclaim the joy, magic and wonder of the holidays when your heart is broken from a breakup and your self esteem is in the gutter?

SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS AFTER A BREAKUP

I’ve personally done all kinds of crazy sh*t over the holidays. You lessen the reigns (read: boundaries) a bit and think that ‘getting into the holiday spirit,” means either romanticizing your ex and the relationship, reaching out, responding to him reaching out, and basically expecting the f*cktard he is, to be replaced by the good guy, the guy you know he is deep down, the guy he was in the beginning… The guy that he probably is with her. You have nothing to do but to think and so you think… and it hurts. It just plain hurts.

I totally understand the spiritual and emotional aspect of this time of year, but that still doesn’t justify why we let some time off work, a few twinkle lights, family time, decorations, music, the environment and most importantly, ourselves, engage in the OCD, assumption-making-imagination-psychosis of obsessing about what our ex is up to, the fun he’s having, missing him, reaching out, responding, sending a card, calling his mother, texting him back, having a (or 52834675387) weak moments, etc.

Remember: The holidays only have as much debilitating power as you give them.

Things like your power, your dignity, your self respect and your self esteem are NOT meant to be holiday “gifts” that you give away to your ex (and others), just because you’re feeling the spirit of giving. Those are gifts that you give yourself and are never up for the option to gift. Ever.

I’ve gotten in touch with exes, spent money and time that I didn’t have buying the best and most thoughtful gifts for the most undeserving, sent out cards, mass texts, “likes,” “thinking about you’s” (I’m literally nauseous right now), etc., ALL in the name of “please-validate-me-because-the-holidays-for-me-aren’t-the-same-without-a-f*cktard-in-them,” desperation.

 You need to use this time to turn inward, focus on you and only engage in the things that make you happy and make your life better.

The key to getting through it all is by using the time NOW (before sh*t gets intense in a few weeks), to start working on your boundaries. And just like strength training, this is something that you need to work on each and every day. Little by little, you will get stronger and stronger and you will become happier and happier… with yourself and the decisions you made in light of your self love and respect.

Don’t engage. You are so much more than the depression, the emptiness, the arguments and the self doubt. You are so much more than the guy that never recognized or appreciated your value because he can’t recognize or appreciate his own.

And no matter what, we ALL have a place that we can turn to if it get’s a little too much to handle – we can come here; we have each other.

Don’t feel for a second like you have to go through the holidays alone. You’re here, aren’t you? 🙂

PS – I wish you guys could have seen me take these pictures. I was in Beverly Hills around a bunch of families and tourists and kids and I was the only one posing by the tree looking miserable and being directed by the photographer to look even more miserable. At least I have a few good contenders for my Christmas card this year haha. xx

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17 comments

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I soooo needed this, at this EXACT moment. Thank you so much Natasha.

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You and me both ????

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Thank YOU beautiful! 🙂 xoxoxo

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Love this one too!!!!! I’m on a PMS binge tonight…..whenever I feel myself drifting into that toxic validation/low self-worth black hole I come to your blog to recharge.
“Little by little, you will get stronger and and stronger and you will become happier and happier… with yourself and the decisions you made in light of your self love and respect.” xoxo Thank you

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Thanks babe 🙂 xoxoxoxo

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I needed this more than you know. Thank you Natasha. Thank you for helping so many women. I look up to you and just want to be as strong as you ????????????

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Thanks Jess!

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You NEED to write a book. Loved this!

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Yes!! Please write a book Natasha!

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Thank you.

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You nailed exactly how i feel Natasha. Thank you so much.

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I keep going back and forth, i think im ok, im finally doing things that I want to do, nobody is making those choices for me, which is really freeing for me, i always do things others I let who ever in dating walk all over me…and I’m sick of it. I want to be loved for who I am, I deserve it! I just miss my ex and it’s hard knowing that he’s dating, I don’t know why I care, he should be able to do what he wants. It really does hurt though I keep comparing myself to someone I’ve never met. It’s horrible.

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Hi Katie!
I totally understand how you feel. I’ve been there and I got to the point where the pain of staying the same (always being walked over) outweighed the fear of having my own back, developing boundaries and working toward accepting and loving myself.
What you are feeling is normal and you CAN get to that place. If you were not 100% ready to get to that place, you would not have found/attracted this blog. You are not alone. xoxo

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“You are so much more than the guy that never recognized or appreciated your value because he can’t recognize or appreciate his own.”
<3

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XOXO

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Hi Natasha, so there was a guy I was dating and he ended things a couple months ago but there’s a possibility he may be at the New Years party I want to go to! I’m not sure if I could potentially handle seeing him with someone else (not sure if that’s the case) . Should I not go to the party and spend New Years somewhere else or walk in like a badass and make him question his sh*tty decision? Thank you for all your posts!

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Hi Lauren!

I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. There are so many factors that are dependent upon an answer. My gut says skip it and allow him to wonder where you are and what you’re doing.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

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