After breaking up, one of the first things I always used to asked myself was “should I call him?” and if so, WHEN??

Everyone would tell me not to and I knew deep down that it probably wasn’t a good idea, but I couldn’t stop with the “should I call him or forget about him?” It had to be one or the other, but I couldn’t commit to either because each option posed its own challenges impossibilities.

It was like there was some magnetic force that even though always resulted in humiliation, was completely unavoidable and justified. I mean, it was all in the name of mature answer-seeking and closure. NBD, right?

And one little detail I left out: no matter how much of a relationsh*t that I (and everyone else) knew it was…

I missed him.

Independent of all the closure that I claimed to be after, closure was the furthest thing from what I truly wanted. I had to tell everyone that I needed to go on a closure expedition because if I told them what I really wanted, they’d write me off as the village idiot and abandon me (& the LAST thing I needed was to activate my abandonment issues even more).

I needed “closure,” in the form of getting my ex’s validation one last time. I wanted to know if he still felt the same way and I needed him to know how much he hurt me.

I couldn’t exercise, party, sleep, date, drink or THINK my ex away.

It was impossible to forget the guy that he was in the beginning: a little red flag ridden (who isn’t?) & hurtful at times yes, (probably due to me being psycho), but when he was good… omg. He was so f*cking ovulation-inducing-irreplaceably-on-point, kind of good.

After the breakup, one of my lowest points was *67-ing my ex JUST to hear him pickup the phone. I’d silently cry as the “hellos?” kept coming. Then when he began to sound like Adele, I’d hang up and cry/social media stalk even more. The most embarrassing was when my ex picked up and after a few unanswered “hellos?” he said, “…Natasha?” I died. I could literally feel whatever dignity I had left exit my body. Was it enough to stop me? Lol, ya right.

I ended up spending a large sum of money on a “how to get your ex boyfriend back” system that my endless Google searching had led me to. The 54 page “answer” basically boiled down to: remain in no contact and play hard to get.

How are you supposed to play hard to get when he doesn’t want anything to do with you?

As the days passed, every second became acknowledging that I hadn’t yet reached out (duhhh), and fighting the urge to mute the “should I call him?” question. This left absolutely no time to check in with or care for myself, let alone heal & deal.

Because every moment was accounted for with the “should I call him? No, I can’t! I need to forget him!” tug of emotional war, it was impossible for me to see that what I was essentially “fighting off,” was the urge to dumpster dive.

I couldn’t accept that the trash had taken itself out.

And NO, I’m not calling anyone trash. I define trash as something that isn’t useful to a specific person. To me, non-mutual, dishonest, disrespectful relationsh*ts that lack trust, healthy communication, honesty, empathy, connection and love are trash because they aren’t useful to me (even though they used to be). Triangles are trash to me now. They used to be my treasure. Today, I like lines. This is why they say that one person’s trash is another’s treasure. It’s all relative.

If the trash was going to go to the dumpster, I either needed to dump it myself OR it needed to forewarn me. It had to be on my terms. Why? The trash wasn’t supposed to take itself out! It was supposed to be grateful for the fact that I had worked so hard to please it and buff it into what I thought was a bar of gold.

In the end, it wasn’t. I was the crazy girl mistaking trash for gold in the rough; the girl who told everyone she had a barking cat WHILE the cat was meowing around town.

Emotionally unavailable and narcissistic exes are the hardest to get over. They lack the ability to put themselves in other people’s shoes and are unable to subscribe to anything and stick to it (valuing or devaluing you being at the top of that list).

Because of this, they’re extremely hard to read. And my low-self-esteem self LOVED “hard to read” because it gave me permission to not only remain invested, but it justified having to continue living in a triangle.

I used to equate passion, ovulation, compatibility, love & chemistry with triangulation. As long as it was me, him and some other person or entity that I had to compete with, be chosen over and “win,” it was once-in-a-life-time-soulmate-GOLD status. Linear? Snore. ZzzzZzzz.

If you find yourself staring at your phone wondering, “should I call him?” read these 5 steps first and you’ll know what you need to do.

If you’re asking “should I call him?” and it’s an EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE or NARCISSISTIC ex you’re referring to…

  1. Understand that if you decide to call your ex, he’s not going to hear you. No seriously, he’s not. Because your ex is coming from a place of emotional and empathetic bankruptcy, the ONLY way that he’ll ever be able to hear you is from the standpoint of a victim and through the filter of HIS world and his agenda/terms (remember, he’s a professional victim – a victim to your obsession with him, a victim to your insecurities, a victim to your psychosis, your neediness, your inability to realize it’s over, etc.). He’s not going to hear what you’re actually saying. You could recite Shakespeare in Mandarin while making intermittent donkey noises and he still wouldn’t be phased. Do you really want to give someone that was so consistently inconsistent; reckless with your heart and trust that kind of satisfaction? Is this withdrawal from your self esteem bank THAT worth it?
  2. So what WILL he hear if you decide to call? Because actions always speak louder than words (even with f*cktards), the only real listening that your ex is going to be doing is listening to what your actions are TRANSLATING. By making the effort to pick up the phone and call someone that consistently treated you poorly, you’re translating through your actions that you not only care more about him than you do yourself, but that you need him to give you an identity and value. You’re expressing through your actions that your value is not independent of him. That’s a hell of a lot of power to give over to ANYone (let alone a f*cktard). I guarantee you, there isn’t one emotionally connected individual on this planet that just got turned on from that description. It’s not attractive and it doesn’t garner respect because who’s going to respect and be attracted to anyone that can’t respect themselves and needs others give them a sense of worth?
  3. Your ex can totally get away with it. By acting on your “should I call him?” impulse, you’re also translating to your ex that not only is he NOT that bad of a guy, but that he can clearly get away with what he did. It doesn’t matter if you call and rip him a new one (do NOT do that – always be KIND, be a lady and stay on your whitehorse), he will STILL think that he got away with it. If he was as disloyal of a guy as you want to tell him that he is, why would you waste the energy to call someone that was THAT consistently hurtful? What makes you think that at this point, he’ll understand? If he was even CAPABLE of understanding, you wouldn’t be in this position. How crazy do you really want to look here? By you even making the effort to call, he views it as “getting away with it” because CLEARLY, you’re still affected (and he still has control). Remember: hate is not the opposite of love – when you hate, there are still very strong feelings there. INDIFFERENCE is the opposite of love and indifferent people don’t go wasting their invaluable time calling the very people they no longer give a f*ck about.
  4. “Should I call him?” Know the cost & be your own spiritual banker FIRST. The short-term satisfaction that you’ll feel in the moment by dialing his digits will ultimately be fleeting and result in heightened pain and insecurity. You’ll propel yourself into more confusion, low self esteem and humiliation. You can’t complain about someone else mind f*cking you when you’re the ambassador of self induced sodomy. And don’t forget – if someone is THAT bad, they’re going to wonder why you’re even making the effort to call and tell them. You don’t need to give your ex a clinical review. It’s not your job. Be the girl that these guys will always refer to as “the one that got away,” by speaking with your actions. You don’t need to get all Tony Soprano, just disappear. Make your ex wonder what the hell got into you, why you’re avoiding him and where you went. The lack of control will eat away at him more than you calling him and giving him a piece of your mind ever will.
  5. You can rewrite history in a better way. One of the only good things about having been in a relationsh*t with an emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partner is that they’re only going to define you by how you are in the present moment. Yeah, they could think that you’re crazy for x,y and z in the past, but they’re not long term thinkers because of the empathy that they lack. This means that you can essentially redefine yourself at anytime. Reintroduce your ex to who you truly are – not the girl who can’t resist the desire to dial, but the girl that’s unapologetically indifferent, grace-under-pressure KIND, and BUSY.

The girl that’s got much better things to do with her time than take the time to call anyone who couldn’t value her’s.

Join the #waterparty with me, get yourself a bottle and put DOWN the phone. If you’re fighting the urge to call, comment here.

You’re not alone. You’re part of the most badass tribe ever 🙂

– natasha x

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78 comments

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Thank you for this. It saved me tonight. I’ve been so hard on myself lately and wanting to contact my ex the last couple days. It’s been emotionally draining, but reading this has helped me gain perspective again. All your posts are amazing!

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Thanks Marissa! Happy it helped 🙂 All my love to you soul sister xx

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Thank you Sista ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Your words save me everyday
We are one kick ass tribe

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Yes we are! 🙂 XOXO

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Ps. He changed his number anyways but I’m proud of myself for not even emailing him . I’m learning he’s Jerkasaurus Rex and even tho I miss him . I don’t need him .

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You know my ex changed his number too, so I emailed every few months and never heard anything back. He’s a very cold person and I promised myself I will never give communicate with him. Fu>#¥% him. He doesn’t deserve my time and energy.

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I keep reverting back to this article. I just relocated my home and career to move to the same state as my ex to be closer. He broke up with me 3 weeks before my move. “He wanted to slow down and be “friends.” I cut off all contact and haven’t spoken to him in 30 days. Now that I am settled in a new job and new home I haven’t heard one word. I know the F****tard isn’t worth my time and I’m feeling the urge to contact him. Your articles keep me in check and I thank you so much for that!!

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Hi Georgia! You’re doing the right thing. I know it’s hard. Thank you for sharing and just know that you are loved, supported and never alone xoxo

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Natasha… you are so my spirit animal. It’s been two weeks since I last contacted the guy I’m trying so hard to get over, and it’s so hard because as much as I know I shouldn’t, I miss him and I do crave that validation that I’m still worth SOMETHING to him. This article cemented the fact that I am doing the right thing. Thank you, again, for such a perfect post.

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Thanks babe 🙂 You ARE doing the right thing. Happy that the post helped! You are backed, believed in, loved & supported. XOXO

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Hi Natasha
I can’t thank you enough for this post. Your phenomenal, the best, really you are. I have been struggling with this for ever, and finally making some progress, thanks to you and all your posts. And then you go and write this :)……… It’s a ray of hope. I actually feel like things are going to finally change. There are good times ahead. Honestly you have no idea how much you have helped, how must hope you have given me, how much you have taught me. I am in awe of you. God bless you.

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Thank you sister from the bottom of my heart xo

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The sooner we face and OWN the fact that he is not going to call, worry about or make any moves toward us, the sooner we can get on with our awesome lives. (Can someone please read this back to me!). The sooner we move on with our awesome lives, the sooner we can find the amazing man who is patiently waiting for us. The sooner we find the amazing man waiting for us, the sooner we can give a big F.U. to Mr. Wrong when he finally decides he’s ready to “see how we are doing”, AKA booty call (because yes, we were his best), or start an inquisition to find out if we’re moved on…. YES we are moved on. Move along. Move along now! Get up, get dressed, show up to your own life. He has!

Natasha, I love your blog. Please keep it comin!

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YES! Love this!! 🙂 Thanks Kari XO

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I LOVE YOU Sister! Without you I would still be in a horrible pit of validation-seeking sadomasochistic torture. I’m so extremely grateful that I found you when I did and still am so grateful you’re in my life – truly. This is THE best line of this post: “You could recite Shakespeare in Mandarin while making intermittent donkey noises and he still wouldn’t be phased.” Bahahahaha so effing true! He WAS phased when he came by the house with his kid and I didn’t answer the door! BUH-BYEE
Loser!

Love you! Talk soon Diane❤️😘❤️

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LOL! Love you too sister 🙂

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I kid you not, I had just finished texting a friend of mine saying that I wanted to call my ex because I miss him. A few minutes later, I got an email saying that you had posted this blog post. Once again, you have saved me! You’re right, disappearing with grace and being kind is the only way to do it. Thank you, thank you, thank you x

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It’s the universe’s way of telling you to put yourself first and move forward! Good luck and stay strong!

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Agreed. Love this! xoxo

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YAYYYYY. Thanks Justine 🙂 I’m so happy it helped xx

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I love you!
I am currently going through my first heartbreak and you have saved me. I have taken your advice, stayed classy and calm and I can honestly say each day gets easier. I have acted completely INDIFFERENT towards him even though I do miss him (didn’t reach out once, out busy living the life I deserve).
I guess he felt he lost control and reached out to me after breaking my heart into one million pieces. No thank you. Bye relationsh*t 😉

So thankful for the existence of this blog. It makes me happy to know that all the girls out there can come here and not feel alone.

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Arianna,

Your comment made me cry. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing. I’m so proud of you. You go girl! All my love to you soul sister and just remember… you’re never alone. xx

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Such a good post, Natasha!

I keep two of your posts open on safari on my phone for any time I feel “weak” or emotionally low re: the breakup. One post is “how to be the one that got away” and the other is the “stay on your white horse” post. This one will be another tab open on the browser because it’s just another self-assuring reminder that our indifference and silence speak much louder than words. And we must follow through with our actions because that’s something our emotionally unavailable guy could never do.

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Thanks for the love and for making my day A 🙂 xo

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Thank you Natasha. It’s like you were reading my mind. I’ve been stuck for 4 weeks in the heartbreak cycle of grief, anger, self blame after having the “where’s it all going chat” with my boyfriend of a year, the red flag being that he never told ME how he felt about me ever….he basically slammed the emotional front door in my face, I wished I had never mentioned it. We work together, I’m a mess and he doesn’t seem to have a care in the world. Just when I manage to forget about him for 5 mins he messages me asking how I am, so I reply and then he ignores me? I ask him if he wants to work things out and he says no. I’ve been reading your blogs religiously and it’s helping me to set bounderies but my hear is a slow learner. Hoping that the indifference will kick in soon! X

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Thanks Nicola! 🙂 xx

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I think my ex is a narcissist, we have a son together. He disappeared when my son turned 1. I sent him pictures of his son and kept contact with his parents. We got back together when my son was 7 . It was good at first and although was not as loving as I expected him to be. He moved in with us from this May to July and it was a horrible exp I got pregnant we were always fighting and our son (10) always fled to my moms place. End of July he said he was leaving and needed to go back to his town. We had a huge fight I kicked him out and broke my window and I called the cops. I suffered a miscarriage two days later, he called and said he was relieved and I dont know if he meant it or just to hurt me again. Anyways stupid me when we went on our summer vacation I had his glasses and he came to my (not his) daughters apt and I as soon as I saw him I broke down in his arms. I left with him and we spent a few days together but it wasnt the same, I was crying alot prob of the miscarriage. 1 min I loved him next min I hated him. Eventually my vac ended I said goodbye but only a month later I texted him a pic of our son wanted to share with him a proud moment. We still text and not as often though but he knows he lost his control over me. He says miss you or love you but I feel like he doesnt really mean it and it does not give me butterflies like before. I now know I was with a narcissist and he prob thinks hes was the victim. If I miss him, yes I do, I miss the father who I wanted him to be which he will never happen cuz he lacks empathy. I am sorry that I let him hurt me again and this time to the depths if my soul because he left me alone again when I was pregnant and when I lost the baby. If i think hes sorry maybe he is or isnt but I dont care. Thank God I have a great job and almost left it to be with him. My bosses are great and supportive. I am an online university student part time and still passed my two courses while all this happened. I know I am stronger and braver than I give myself credit for. I am moving forward and my son seems happier and my colleagues say I got my smile back. Your blog I felt like you were right der, your words are so true✌❤ Thanks Iza xox

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Iza, thank you so much for sharing. You ARE stronger, braver; more capable, resilient and beautiful than you even know. Thanks for being a part of this tribe 🙂 XOXO

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What do I do if my ex, the one who broke up with me, keeps texting me? I’ve been replying but he hasn’t given a clear indication as to what he wants. I don’t know if he’s wanting friendship or reconciliation and it’s kind of hurting that I keep responding but I just.can’t.stop. I also don’t want him to think it was okay what he did. He broke my heart and now it seems like he’s trying to come back into my life.

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Hi Eva!

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this; I know how you feel. I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

Here is the link to the coaching: https://postmalesyndrome.com/coaching/

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hi Natasha,
it’s been a week since the last time i talked to my ex. but tonight i miss him in all sudden and i really really want to text him!!! i re-read this post multiple times and it helped me a lot. i’m leaving a comment here instead of texting him. Thanks for your blog! please keep update the blog to empower us!
we love you!
x

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YES! You go girl 🙂 Love you thank you Irene xx

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Damn. How can one argue with that? I hate this. It’s so hard but thank you!

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Thx Bella! Keep coming back here to the blog, you’re not alone XO

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Loved this article which I found at exactly the right time. I mean EXACTLY the right time! My ex broke up with me and I wasn’t going to get in touch. He texted me, called me then when I texted him he ignored me. Then he’d get in touch again like that was ok. I was heartbroken that he left but his contacting me was making me anxious and turning me into the person I don’t want to be. I’ve now maintained ‘no contact’ for two weeks. It’s been hard but it’s also making things easier. Thanks for your wise words

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Thank you! You’re doing the right thing April. I’m so happy it helped! 🙂 x

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I just had a break up and it is fresh in my mind…your article helped me a lot …u are n angel 🙂

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Thank you Vijaya! I’m so happy it helped 🙂 xo

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Everything is spot on. Thank you Natasha, truly. You saved all of the work and healing that I’ve been doing with this article. I miss him very much but I am stronger than I believe.

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YES. YOU. ARE. 🙂 thx Hilda!! xoxo

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Hi Natasha- thanks so much for your blog. I got involved with an emotionally unavailable man for a few months, actually as a rebound from a 7-year marriage. Probably for a variety of reasons, including the fact it was a rebound, I got way too attached, and he basically forced my hand to end it by treating me like absolute sh*t at the end. I made the mistake of contacting him, asking him to meet me for a drink for “closure.” He said he’d love to but twice when I suggested it came up with a lame excuse. I then made the terrible error of drunkenly texting him I missed him about two weeks ago, never heard back and the only good thing is I have had the strength not to contact him. I can’t stop thinking about it all, but I’m far more obsessed with the humiliation I endured and fantasizing about getting even than him himself. But anyway, your blog, which I stumbled across earlier this week, has been enormously helpful and I’ve been going to it every time i am tempted to contact him or just can’t stop thinking about him.

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Hi Jenin! Thank you! I’m so happy that it’s helped 🙂 You’re not alone. xo

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I am so glad I read this today. Even though I miss him a ton I’m tired of giving stupid guys the power! You rock I hope you know that!! 🙂

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Thanks babe! It takes one to know one 🙂 you are a gem XO

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I am in a bit of a rut. I was in a close friendship (almost a relationship) with a man I have known for 10 years. We only became very close over the last year. We talked all day, every single day for a year. He has some issues with communication and being overly guarded which I confronted him about because it was bothering me. I said to him that i was willing to be patient and work with him on that. Anyways, 4 weeks ago, we got into an argument about it and he stopped responding to my text messages that very same day. I texted him back days upon days and said some harsh things out of anger from his non-response. I continued to text him and pleaded, begged and apologized 100000 times for 10 days and got no response after which I stopped. After about a week, he text me back and asked me if he was blocked. I said no. I got no other response from him until hours later when he told me I’m a horrible person and he will be civil with me given that we have known each other for a long time. I said it would be hard for me to just be friends. Any he responded in spiteful tone saying he’s not ready for a relationship with anyone and if i dont want to be friends then so be it and he cut me off. I sent him a long text apologizing again and telling him i would not be reaching out to him again. I’ve been on No Contact for 10 days now. I’ve gone MIA on all my social media accounts so he cant find me. Do you think he will contact me soon?

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Hi Ria!

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

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Feel so blessed to find you/this wonderful forum. All the therapy ($$$) and tired family and friends helped but something was missing. You’re writing is articulate, witty, oh I could go on.
My ex and I broke up a few times but usually always still sent jokes and texts here and there and got back together. When together we texted from first thing in the morning until bedtime. And boy did we get along and I never connected like that ever!!! Now it’s been a year and occasionally still text (saw him for the last time once in March, had sex, I emotionally lost it and that’s that). The “white horse and ride away” idea really got to my core and you mentioned that when it comes from a place for me and not to get a reaction, I felt relieved bc I immediately thought if I ignore a text should he send one, do I just ignore him out of nowhere when I usually reply? Will that come off hostile or that I’m angry? Any advice is appreciated as I’m having a hard time not communicating with someone who I thought was a best friend.
Hope I made sense. These things are difficult to explain as you all know.

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It’s been 6 hours since I’ve contacted him. We haven’t gone a day without talking in a year..literally. Even when I was grocery shopping for us, we still talked on the phone or texted. He was the last one to text, and I’m wanting to throw up with not texting him back. The circumstances we’ve gone through that provided such heartbreak for me is simply because he did not want to try anything but his own will to mourn over his ex. He’s still my best friend…as he’s told me I’m his. This is awful. I’d rather have brain surgery again and again (I’d know) rather than go through this. I want to text him. I want to call him. I keep re-reading the posts on this blog to stay strong because the fact is, he still chose the memories of his ex over me.

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I have been on no contact for about 25 days and I’m still struggling. I know my Ex is awful, he got engaged to another woman while I was pregnant and hurt me beyond words. He even abandoned me on my labor bed to deliver our child just to go be with her. I cannot even express it words how hurt I’m. They bought a house together, have a new born and very happy. My son is 15months and I have to raise him as a single mother.
I have tried reach out several times but he doesn’t even want to have anything to do with me. My heart is broken and I’m in pain everyday.
I had been fighting the urge to call and tell him how I feel, but I know as emotionally unavailable as he is, he doesn’t give a sh*t!!! I still miss him, still love him and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to let go of it.

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Natasha! Where did you come from? I have no adjectives for your blog. I’ve literally read 10 relationship books this year in an effort to keep my boyfriend (now my ex), get over my ex and get my ex back. Your blog was the only thing that got through to me. My ex kept contacting me, and I kept responding with the hope he saw the light, but it was I that needed to come out of the darkness. This guy invited another woman to go on vacation with him while were still involved, so I broke up with him, but allowed myself to be friendzoned (which was pitiful). The realization that I was friendzoned hurt more than if I had gone no contact on my white horse. I am going to have to stop here b/c the more I write the more the anguish is pouring out.

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Thanks for making my day! 🙂 I’m so happy that the blog has helped. You’re not alone – you are loved, believed in and supported. It’s never too late to make the decision to have your own back. XOXO

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Thank Natasha. What is your position on friends with benefits (as if I have to ask). Personally it is not for me, but just wanted to know your thoughts. Also what do you think of remaining friends with an ex?

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Hi! I have too much to say to type and don’t have the time. Hopefully these help! XO

https://postmalesyndrome.com/should-i-stay-friends-with-my-ex-that-broke-my-heart/

https://postmalesyndrome.com/is-ex-sex-ever-a-good-idea/

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Like you said, comment here instead of reaching out to the one who doesn’t deserve my attention and thoughts. Just difficult bc he’s been drunk texting me. I had ended it bc I found out he was married. That should be enough to end the chapter but when he claims “I’m the love of his life and muse and misses everything about me”, staying No Contact is nearly impossible.
But feels better to share here than show my hand to him.

Thanks Natasha 💖

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Proud of you for commenting here instead! 🙂 Exactly Lori! Every time you want to reach out, comment here. You are loved, supported and backed. xoxo

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Hi Natasha,
I feel so awful because I texted the IDIOT after being NC for about 25 days. It’s been really difficult and everyday is hard because I can’t seem to get over him and all he did to me. I felt like there is so much on my heart and mind to tell him. This was why I made the mistake to text him, he looked at the message and totally ignored me. I’m hurt beyond words.
I don’t know if I can ever get over all of this ever. Help me guys….

I want to hear some encouraging words from you wonderful ladies.

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Hi Lynda,
It has been 3 months since I broke up with my ex, and I still think about him. I don’t know why b/c he is not that special and he didn’t love me. I think I am having difficulty moving on because my head and my heart are not align. My head knows the right thing, but I feel that – if only – emotion, and it makes no sense. I think the worse advice I read was I was not enough, that they are NO emotionally unavailable men that ALL men are available, but it takes a special breed of woman to crack him. This feed my insecurities and low self-esteem and place me months behind in my healing. What I can tell you in the words of Iyanla Vanzant – “Never participate in your own dishonoring”.

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That quote is EVERYTHING! XO

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Thank you! I also know he’s not that special. A man who left me while pregnant can’t possibly be. I have been on no contact for almost a month. I struggle every day but I’m taking it one day at a time. I was very depressed yesterday, came back here to read and saw your message. I’m still pressing on. I told myself I will never speak to him ever again for the rest of my life! He hated me and wanted me to die from all he did to me. He will suffer till the day he dies!!!

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Don’t worry! Just ALLOW those feelings that you feel as a result of texting him to motivate you to make the decision now to be DONE. Forgive yourself. It’s okay and you’re not alone. xo

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OMG NATASHA!!
You rock!!!! I have been on no contact since the last time I texted him and hated myself so much for it. He’s ignored my texts, calls and messages and refused to call me. This made me feel even more broken hearted.

I checked my phone yesterday twice both morning and afternoon and my phone had rejected his calls👌👌😂😂😂
I noticed his regected call this morning as well. YES!!! I honestly feel so much better especially since I felt he wanted NOTHING to do with me and was actually glad I was not contacting him anymore. He moved on long ago I was clueless. God engaged to another woman when I was 6 months pregnant!! This guy kept me in the dark for so long. He’s now living happily with her and building a family with her, they now have a two month. The baby is exactly a year younger than my son. Hmmmmm….I have no words to describe this guy.
I came on here today to update everyone, vent and to urge everyone to be strong!! I didn’t think I could ever go no contact for this long. I struggle everyday but it payed off. THE IDIOT tried calling me TWICE yesterday and ONCE today!!!!

STAY NO CONTACT LADIES!! IT WORKS!!!!

I’m not speaking to him for the rest of my life!! I

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You go girl! 🙂 Thanks SO much for sharing Lynda! XOXO

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Words cannot express how thankful I am for you and PMS. Just went on a binge reading on your site after experiencing a really bad trigger today. I really drafted a long, angry, emotional message to ask him “why play with someone’s feelings”. But with tears in my eyes, I decided to comment here instead. I rather not give that satisfaction. Love you so much Natasha.

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YES. You did the right thing Bria 🙂 Love you sister. You’re not alone xoxo

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I struggled with this 3 months ago. After ending a year and a half dreadful relationship…I thought I was strong and blocked him on every platform of social media..I then began to miss him and had a relapse.. I called and texted after our breakup for 2 days to only be brutally ignored..im talking 8 texts and 12 rejected calls. I was hopeless, heart broken and couldn’t understand how someone who was saying “I love you” and sending flowers to my job one week was so cold and indifferent the next. After talking to a mutual friend, I discovered the emotionally unavailable jack ass reactivated his dating profile and was talking to someone whom I considered to be a friend on there..like exchanged numbers and discussing how attractive they found each other. I unblocked him to do stalking/investigating of my own to ease my curiosity of knowing if he’d moved on with her or not.. This girl was someone who I cried to about the breakup so can you guys imagine how it felt to see them together. I sent another long angry text telling him how shady he was and how bad he hurt me and again, I got no response. Do I block him again or leave my pages open so that it doesn’t appear that I am being childish, petty or indecisive? Do I wish him a Happy Birthday next month so that he thinks im over it? I feel so stuck.

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I guess I haven’t really forgiven myself for the relapse and am now just in this limbo of “what do I do now?” I feel hopeless…..and I wish I would have stuck to my guns so take it from me ladies, DO NOT CALL THAT MAN, stay on your white horse.

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You are not alone Coco. Get right back on your white horse and use what you’re feeling right now to propel you into a permanent ride 🙂 All my love to you sister. xoxo

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I broke up with him 12 days ago no contact since then, but really want to call him, I keep waiting for him to turn around, drop a message, something.
But when I read your articles, I realized that why would he do these thongs now when he never did them when I was with him. Your posts are really helping me right now.

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Thanks Anna! I’m so happy that the posts are helping 🙂 Keep coming back here to the blog every time you want to reach out to him. You’re not alone. XOXO

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Thanks for this. Last week, a man who I was dating for 2 months (and we were exclusive for ~6 weeks) snooped through my phone and found some sexy messages and an agreement to meet up with an old flame I was putting out right around the time we got exclusive. I ended things with the flame, but since we split amicably, we kept up a cordial, but infrequent contact.
My now-boyfriend found all these messages and said I was a two-timing liar and he never wanted to see me again. I wrote one apology email and he respond, reiterating this point, and I haven’t said anything else since.
I’ve been shocked and hurt at these accusations because I had shown him through my actions how committed and important he was these past 6 weeks, but he views them as insufficient. On the other hand, my texts with the other guy are inappropriate and I am ashamed and embarrassed my boyfriend saw them.
I am struggling big time with all of this and trying to give him space before reaching out. (Was planning on waiting another week). Do you think I should?

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I should note — I was showing through my actions my interest for the full 2 months.

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Hi Jules!

So happy that the post helped! I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. I do offer coaching if you’re looking for more specific help.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog.

You’re not alone XOXO

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Hi Natasha, you are such a fantastic writer and thank goodness I found your blog. I’ve had to come here several times a day for the last few days to get through the urges to reach out to an emotionally unavailable man that I ended it with. I finally acknowledged that I deserve better, and thanks to your ability to share your experiences so eloquently and in such a relatable way, you’re making my days just a little easier to get through. Thank you.

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Hi Jessica! Thank YOU sister. I’m so happy that the posts have helped and honored to play a part in your healing and realizations. Thanks for the love, sisterhood and support 🙂 it means the world to me. XOXO

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Yes I was tossing n turning thinking shall I call him its been weeks he didn’t showed up. Neither on call nor on text, And I,m already blocked on his Social-media a month ago, Still I was killing myself over the decision of making a call or not. This post has wiped my all daydreams. He has done all possible damage to me from cheating to abusing. And left me for no reason. He eventually showed up his real colours. He is coward n spineless. Still I falls for him each time I thinks of him.
I,m religiously following your posts Natasha. And I have realised I too have value & I deserve the same respect and love that I,m giving in a relationship. I tried to get him back but crash n burned. But here your post give me dozen of reasons ” Why I must keep myself on priority ” .
Love you Natasha 🙂
You are so we are.

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I love you too Manvi! Your comment made me cry. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m honored to have played a part in your healing and realizations. You are loved, understood, believed in, backed, adored and never, ever alone. Thanks for being a part of this tribe 🙂 xx

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I love in this blog. It’s the only thing that’s kept me from going insane. I don’t understand my emotions. One minute I’m fine, the next I feel like I’m suffocating. I’ve literally screamed into pillows, my mattress, over the phone to my mom…but this is the only place where after reading the posts I have the thoughts of “I can do this.” Even if only for a minute.

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Hi Amber!

What you’re feeling is totally normal. Just keep coming back here to the blog and know that you are loved, understood, backed, believed in and never, ever alone. I’m so glad that the blog has helped 🙂 Thanks for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you soul sister. XOXO

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