Last year, I wrote about how to cope with being heartbroken on Valentine’s Day. This year, I wanted to focus on self love because it’s the one thing that I have struggled with the most in my life, as the lack of it simultaneously robbed me of one.

I also wanted to share some things I’ve been struggling with the last few weeks.

If you lack self love, you will always feel this undercurrent of insecurity, misery, doom, a lack of control and no matter what, you will never feel like you’re able to call your own shots. Life just kind of happens to you as you watch everyone else make sh*t happen. It’s an undercurrent that for a really long time, I felt like the only way to conquer was through superficial gains – following the follower, wearing clothes I couldn’t afford, dating powerful men, having celebrity friends, etc. Basically, anything I could piggyback on so that I could feel significant by association.

I became a professional hypebeast for the delusional band-aides I had put over the cancer that was my lack of self love. Everyone had a cheerleader in me but me.

All I had was a box of what I convinced myself, were cancer curing band-aides.

It doesn’t matter if you’re single, in a relationsh*t, a friendsh*t, an almost relationship or if you’re with your soul mate. If you lack self love, you’ll lack fulfillment because you will lack the ability to adapt, change, grow, execute, succeed, empathize, and evolve on your own.

And contrary to what we see in the moves and on tv – Because no one can do these things for you or ever make you feel “special enough” to do these things for yourself, you will always be chasing your own emotional tail – entertained to an extent, but never fulfilled.

You may be able to attract true love, but you won’t be able to maintain it because you can never keep a fire burning that you can’t ignite within.

You’ll also lack the ability to do the one thing that separates the Emotional Jedi Masters from the Emotional Bed Sh*tters: Allow others to own their own behavior, actions, bullsh*t, decisions, lies, inconsistencies and empathetic bankruptnessindependent of your value.

If you don’t believe that you have any value, you will always be so hungry for a buyer that you’ll become blind to the discount you consistently agree to.

Your gut will always know though. And it will eat away at the core of your being until you meet the universe half way.

Decide to set your standard/price instead of asking f*cktard people to set it for you, by deeming you “special enough” for them to transform into someone that they’re not even capable of being.

If you had 10 million in the bank, would you really care if someone didn’t believe you or didn’t “see it?” No.

Why?

Because you know what’s in your bank and that’s all that matters.

Know what’s in your bank. You’ve got zillions.

Holidays are tough because they trigger assessment – we get forced into having to “assess” and then cover up/compensate for/eat/lie/drink away the why’s of our relational, physical, financial, and emotional failures.

Valentine’s Day is especially painful because not only does it trigger assessment, it triggers inadequacy.

No matter what relational situation you’re in or not in, there are all these expectations around Valentine’s day. It never plays out exactly the way we hope and we’re left feeling inadequate all around.

The only inadequacy repellant that will ever work is not validation seeking, drunk dialing, f*ck buddy-ing, one more chance-ing, red flag ignoring, or being everyone’s bff. It’s self love. 

Self love is to inadequacy as boiling water is to an ice cube.

Self love the only murderer of the ultimate murderer.

Here are 5 ways to love yourself now – no matter what – this Valentine’s Day and beyond.

SELF LOVE: Rule #1: Differentiate.

The ability to differentiate has saved me so much time, heartbreak, drama, misery, self-hatred, and energy. I owe my life to differentiation. It’s not just the ability to differentiate between reality and your fears, it’s the ability to differentiate between your triggers and your truth. And once you are able to differentiate, you then disable the mechanism that we ALL have to pedestal whatever/whomever has triggered us.

Last year around this time, an ex of mine reached out to me. He wrote one of those texts that are so long, it’s just a blurb until you click on it and it becomes a dissertation. We had dated years ago. He wasn’t a bad person, but he was one of the most emotionally cold, void, and unavailable people I had ever met. Anyway, his text said everything that I never thought I’d hear (including an apology and not glossing over anything that he had never taken accountability for or even acknowledged). The cat was officially barking. I was really taken back.

It took about 15 minutes of social media staking to debunk most of what he said in his text. I found out that his fiancé had dumped him the week prior for many of the same reasons that our relationship had ended. So WHY was it still bothering me? I was in a great place in my life – I felt fulfilled, my business was growing, and the relationships in my life negated everything that my ex embodied. I kept reading and re-reading his text – at the mall, before I went to bed, at a red light, on the toilet while playing a depressing song on Pandora… everywhere. I got a high from reading it and because I read it so many times, I started to sensationalize, romanticize, obsess, and wonder if maybe… I should respond. Maybe he HAD changed. Maybe this breakup of his exorcised all of his psychological demons and he was no longer an emotional paraplegic.

I never ended up responding, calling him or obsessing over it any longer than a few days. Why? Differentiation.

If I didn’t have the ability to differentiate, I would have viewed my ex’s text as a possible Happily Ever After sign that something must be off in my current life (which I had worked so hard to build), and that I must act on and investigate immediately. I would get curious and respond if it wasn’t for differentiation because I would have inflated the f*ck out of that text. Is it because I’m dumb? No. It’s because that text was the most devastating kind of trigger for me personally.

Instead of acting on emotional impulse and responding right away, I was able to differentiate by taking a step back and realizing that it wasn’t this all-powerful, fantastic text from this emotionally born-again guy I had received. It was a text from a man who was just as emotionally and empathetically impaired as my well-intended Father, telling me everything that my Dad never had. Differentiation allowed me to realize that just because I got a crumb of a cookie that was my emotional birthright, it didn’t mean that the maker of that crumb was someone I needed to mess up my current life for.

Latest example – I get people asking me all the time what it’s like to never be triggered, insecure, or depressed. I’m human – I get triggered, insecure, depressed, angry, etc., ALL the time. The only difference is, I no longer reside there and try to turn experiences into a definition or an identity just because it caters to my fears. I’m able to DIFFERENTIATE.

A few weeks ago, Lorelle wrote a phenomenal guest post. I would be lying right now if I didn’t say that for a little while after it was published, I wasn’t worried that her post was better than anything I had ever written or that you guys would now not want to read any more of my posts. It was a fear, it was an insecurity, and it was real.

Because I didn’t judge myself for anything I was feeling, I was able to realize what I needed to:

The only reasons why I was feeling this way were 1) Because I’m human (NOT superhuman). 2) Because this blog is my baby and I felt like for the first time, I was giving my baby away. There couldn’t be a better person besides my Mom to “give” the blog to for a guest post. Lorelle handled PMS with care and in every one of her beautiful replies, she reiterated her love for and support of my work because that’s the kind of person she is. She’s incredible. My gut lead me to Lorelle. Why let my fears delusionally lead me OUT of what I set out to do each and every day ?? – help people, make them feel less alone and provide answers.

Because I was able to differentiate, I was able to ultimately feel really good about putting my baby in someone else’s arms. Love is love and who am I to deny love for the one thing I put all of mine into?

Bottom line: Differentiation is the ultimate tool for self-soothing.

 SELF LOVE: Rule #2: Change the tune/station. Literally.

Be very aware of the songs, movies, shows, characters, stories, books, etc., that you relate to and gravitate toward the most. Ask yourself why you connect to these the way you do. If that connection is contributing at all to emotional cutting, change the station.

You will always gravitate toward, connect with and relate the most to stories, people, songs, and characters that mirror your emotional patterns, tendencies, and dis-ease. It’s a powerful way to get to know yourself better and change the tune of your luck, reverse narcissism, and life.

SELF LOVE: Rule #3: Build confidence.

I love what James Altucher says about how he built confidence and self esteem:

“I didn’t have confidence back then. This was my great skill: I’d figure out someone else’s agenda for me and then I would play that role. I’d play that agenda. I had a hard time being myself. I didn’t even know what that meant. What does “being yourself” mean? People say that but I don’t think I had ever been myself. And in my attempts to play the roles others cast for me I was so offbeat that people thought I was unique when, in fact, I was just lost and confused.

I had a certain tone deafness to the needs of others simply because I was so desperate to satisfy those needs. I’d give them the keys to my kingdom but I’d forget to furnish the kingdom.

I was sure nobody would like me unless: I had money. I had looks. I had accomplishments under my belt. I had a “comma”. What’s a “comma”? It’s like: “James Altucher, writer”. Or “James Altucher, billionaire”. Or “James Altucher, international spy”.

I am maybe a 6 now on a scale of 0–10 of self-confidence and self-esteem. I was probably about a 1 then.

What made the difference?

Before self-esteem and self-awareness comes “self-less”.

Meaning – I had to stop thinking so much about my “self”.

I am a spark of soul, floating around in a bag of skin held together by bones and blood.

And so are you and the rest of us. We’re in it together. Trying to survive the demands of our DNA, of a harsh and unforgiving world, of a society held together by ancient fears of war and starvation and reproductive prowess.

Everyone I see around me is trapped in the agendas of a billion other people but I can be free of it. I can create my own agenda. And it will only be filled by the things I love. The people I love. The people I treat right. The people who treat me right.”

SELF LOVE: Rule #4: The BIG G.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again and again – when you are your most lonely, triggered, insecure and scared, be grateful for what you do not have. This isn’t about silver lining a doom cloud. This is about embracing the reality of your true “lack,” in an empowering and REAL way so that the law of attraction can work in your favor for once.

If you’re alone this Valentine’s Day…

  • Be grateful that you don’t have someone you have to “figure out.”
  • Even if you don’t have any true friendships, be grateful that you no longer have any more friendsh*ts. You’ve decided to flush the toilet instead of wasting your time spraying air freshener that never lasts over the crap that is a fake friend. Also, be grateful that you actually have the ability to flush and are no longer a slave to your disease to please.
  • Be grateful that you were his karma and he was your northern star – pointing you on your way, not back into bed.
  • Be grateful that you don’t have anyone cheating on you, lying to you, pulling the wool over your eyes, mind f*cking you, mixed-signaling you, drunk/high texting you, dating you while on 2618276 dating apps or deflecting blame.
  • Be grateful for the fact that you now allow people to own their own behavior, words and actions independent of your perceived lack of value. Thinking that it has something to do with you is not only reverse narcissistic, it negates reality – reality that you no longer choose to argue with.

SELF LOVE: Rule #5: Executive decisions.

If it costs you your peace, self esteem, sanity, and happiness, it’s okay to make the executive decision to put your middle finger up to emotional political correctness.

Become the adult you needed when you were younger and choose not to reply, react or respond to anyone who, in any way, at ANY point, made you ever question your worth.

Just like there’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness, there is a fine line between judgment and instinct. We often judge so that we can conveniently paralyze our innate ability to do the scariest thing: ACT in accordance with our instinct.

My circle is microscopically small, but I always make sure to be around people who love and trust me and who I love and trust.

The only way to be truly lovable is to be vulnerable, honest and differentiate between what matters and what triggers.

Do something for yourself this Valentine’s Day and also make sure to tell the ones you love how much they mean to you – starting with a photo of your younger self.

Thank you all for being so lovable, supportive and inspiring… The best sisters, brothers, family, and friends I never had.

Natasha xx

if you need further or more personalized help, please look into working with me here

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54 comments

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Love is love. So simple but absolutely true. Self love is a hard lesson to learn, but it’s a beautiful destination.

You know Natasha, nothing anyone ever says, does or writes will ever detract from the gifts and impact you have on others. No one can ever be you, shine like you, or touch hearts the way you do – with your very special and unique way. ❤️ When I read your words I did get it though, as I have been in that place myself. When we feel most vulnerable in life, I think we are our most beautiful too as our souls are exposed and everything that holds deep meaning or importance is (sometimes) at risk. But when we take those risks we grow, and allow ourselves to see facets of who we are, that we never realised existed!

When I was much younger, I was always afraid to share things I really hoped for or wanted because I felt if I didn’t get those things then it was so much worse as people knew I wanted it and it seemed to make the loss so much more unbearable. Defeated to the core and so exposed because others knew of it. Crushed. 🥀 I look back on that, and I cringe! Where was the love in that? It was just a place of fear.

But everything you write here is so true. And differentiation is a power shot as you have pure clarity and this allows freedom to cut lose what doesn’t serve us and tend lovingly to what does.

You know, back to what you wrote about how you felt having me guest post on PMS – it was overwhelming for me at the time. I was scared. So much running through my head. But I have learnt something so valuable over the years. It’s this: if you are feeling it – so is someone else. If you fear it – so is someone else. If you feel vulnerable about something – so does another soul out there. We are ALL connected.

I could not have written anything without that feeling of being connected. And I thought back to my darkest moments and wanted to share something that might just help someone in a bad place or who was feeling alone or powerless. That’s how I swallowed my fears. Because I felt connected to you and this wonderful soul food blog. So connected to others who come here. And I’ve made so much peace with my past and let go of so much that didn’t help me. Differentiation. In action!

I felt so much love and just melted with the beautiful replies. It will remain as one of my most special times having written my first ever anything on here. Bless! ❤️🕊
So, happy Valentine’s Day to you , beautiful Natasha! You fill up not just my heart, but the hearts of everyone who comes here or spends time with you.

Love is love. Love the simplicity and beauty of those three words. Truth.

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

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I love the way you love me Lorelle. I hope you know that I love you just the same. This, along with your amazing post, comments, friendship, sisterhood, care, connection, heart and beautifully old soul, do nothing but affirm that what we have was already written.

I love you soul sister. I can’t wait to meet 🙂 xx

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You’re so beautiful, Natasha. Always FULL of love! Xxx 💐 where is your book btw? We all want signed copies! Xxx 🌺

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Love this. I’m going to read this a few times today I’m sure. Thank you!

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That makes me so happy to hear 🙂 Glad you loved! xox

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I love this post! I love this tribe and Lorelle’s words, and everyone’s comments, but I genuinely LOVE this blog because of you, Natasha!
You’re irreplaceable. The way your write, the words you write, just hit home. Every time! It is as though you go into my mind and make sense of what I struggle with, sorting it out so I think “Aha, yes!”

I would like to thank you because after SIX months of thinking “I’m never going to get over ‘Him”, I finally had a breakthrough.
I work with him, we had a nice conversation about travel. It was genuine. I thought “ah, good, after all this time we are cool, we can be friendly.” NOPE! Cold as ice to me the next day. But this time instead of asking myself what is wrong with me, blaming myself, I just said “No, I’m done.”
I’ve come way too far to go back in time to this hot and cold pattern, to obsess and analyze and try and try again. It’s like I realized there really is no prize to gain here after all…

I’m not sure what changed in me, but I have no more f*cks to give. I have zero to prove to him. I have no desire to seek his approval
or attention. I am working on me, I am working out, and visualizing life ahead of me for the first time in 2 years.
I accept “defeat”. I lost him but I won me. And I feel at peace! FINALLY!

I owe so much of this to you! You’re a class act.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you Natasha, and you Lorelle, and everyone else here struggling and learning.
xox

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Christine,

I am in tears. So happy for and PROUD of you sister. Thank you so much for sharing, for your encouragement, love, support, and for just being the light that you are.

I’m honored to have played a part in amplifying that light of yours – the light, strength, resilience, bullsh*t detection, and power that YOU HAD ALL ALONG.

Love you xx

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I was so happy to see your comment Christine! And good for having your own back hon. I see strength in you my dear… better days ahead. 🙂

xxxx

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Thank you both. I wish I could say I continued feeling this good, but I still have bad days, triggers ( like seeing their wedding website with all the happy photos or him at work ) but I’m staying on my white horse and doing the best I can. I’m trying to learn the lesson, heal and move on.

Thank you again!
xox Christine

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This made me cry from the kind of happiness that comes from a huge, genuine huge that lasts forever in your mind. This is the refrain that we should all play, constantly, in our minds. What I wish could be immediately triggered, instead of all the other BS that grows like weeds without some carel. I am beyond BIG G for you that you have composed this so well and with such care, so that we’re able to come back to this, as necessary, daily, if not minute by minute, until it becomes a part of us. Happy Valentine’s Day. Love you so much.

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I am speechless Irena. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for affirming in the most kind and beautiful ways that I am not and was never alone <3 The best part of last year was getting to meet you. I love you so much sister. You've got me for life. 🙂 x

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When I began reading this I thought, “I need to reread these inspiring words!” As I continued I realized, “ I need to SAVE these Inspiring Words!!” This post will Center my frame of mind every time I read it — and I’m one of those humans who need the reminders, haha. Thank You for writing a message that impacts my and so many lives. This is Indeed a Valentines Gift 💝 ❣️

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I’M all smiles Jeanette 🙂 So happy that the post served you. Thank YOU for giving me the greatest gift – your love, sisterhood and support.

All my love to you. XOXO

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You are beautiful Natasha.
Thank you for reminding me about reality and not the ‘idea’ of him.

I LOVE U

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🙂 I love you too sister. x

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My dear Natasha – not only was this post deeply touching for me, but I second everything that the other sisters have said and more. Your words, your honesty, your vulnerability, your kindness, your love, your support and your heart in every single post you have written is what has kept me going these last 6+ months. So much of what you have shared with all of us here on this blog has resonated so deep within my soul that I carry it with me whenever I need reminding of who I am and what I am truly grateful for.

There will NEVER be another you Natasha… you are truly one of a kind my beautiful friend. Please don’t ever stop doing what you are doing here on this blog. You are touching lives everyday and helping so many of us getting through some of the worst times. That is an invaluable GIFT my dear! There are not enough words to tell you how much I love you and respect you.

I have said this before, but I will say it again, your mom must be so proud of the beautiful daughter she created and raised. Your love and empathy and big heart is a true testament to her love for you!! Hugs to mom. 🙂

Blessing and lots of love to you both and to the tribe here on this Valentine’s day.
xoxoxoxoxo

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Vicki,

My heart is overflowing with so much love, gratitude, and appreciation for you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and for saying that about my Mom. I am in tears.

I just screenshot your beautiful comment and sent it to my Mom. You mean everything to me and I cannot wait for that dinner. Thank you for giving me more joy, strength, belief, courage and affirmation than I could ever hope for.

I love you.

Thank you for being YOU – just the way you are. XOXO

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You are my girl Natasha… I meant every word sister.
love you tons!!!!!
xoxo

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I woke up this morning and thought I could really use a new post today. BAM. I’m so grateful for this blog and for new perspective. I absolutely needed this today and feel encouraged. I’ve wasted so much of my time bending over backwards or others and doing everything to make sure they were getting the help and love they needed without expecting anything back. I am beginning to understand why I continually come back to this state of emptiness and learning to put myself first. I will admit that I’ve continually come back to this place of waiting for karma to hit those who have hurt me repeatedly and wanting that has made me feel even worse. I’ve been betrayed and cut off by some of those who I believed to be my closest friends, but have still found myself wanting to wish them happy birthday etc to keep the good will. I think it’s time that I stop doing these things when their is no reciprocation or to do it out of a place to remain in their good graces. Thanks again

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YES! 🙂 I have been there and couldn’t agree more. Thanks Jen! – So happy that the post helped. xx

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Funny enough I got one of those texts too recently but it caught me off guard (drunk!) and needless to say, I did respond. I met up with him a couple of times.

Now I hope when I share my little story maybe someone will benefit from knowing what actually happens when you respond, because deep down I think I already knew and it was only a confirmation.

Yes he did text me simply because his life became shallow and he was lonely. Yes it was too hard and too much effort to lead his long distance rebound woman on anymore. Yes I put the bar up high and he realises he will never do better,

BUT

Despite owning up to everything he’s ever done wrong and more which was a shock, despite apologies and admitting he has issues (no shit), he openly admitted he has no urge to fix anything. Basically, provided me with all the information I already know and wasted my time some more. But guess what? I’ll never have any ‘what if” or ‘maybe someday?’ ever again because he reappeared to ultimately confirm he will never change.

And in a way – I’m thankful I responded. I’m walking away with absolute closure and power.

I read somewhere that you don’t get to teach people how you want to be loved, you only get to chose if you want to be loved in a way they do. And so I want to be loved the way he does? Absolutely f***ng not 😉

Natasha, thank you for being you <3
You gave me so much power over the past year, i wouldnt be where I am now without you!

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Anja,

Thank you endlessly for sharing this – it inspired me so much, I’m starting a new post right now.

I am so grateful for and appreciative of you sister. Thank you for seeing your own pain in mine. Thank you for existing.

BIG love to you. XX

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Hello my lovely, before I even opened your post tonight; I went into the kitchen, to make a cup of tea to enjoy whilst reading it. As I was making that tea, I smiled and thought that the universe had brought you into my life over 18 months ago. If I had found your site before then, I was so blinded by an idiot and my own lack of self love, that I would maybe not have acted on your great advise. Thanks for being you, you speak to my soul everytime, say things that my Beloved wise grandmother 👵🏼 used to say ( especially souls in a skin / shell) you’ve helped me through so much I always feel empowered after ready your work ❤️😘 have a great weekend ! Thanks again Xxxx

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Jules,

I can’t wait for the day that we can have that tea together and I can give you a big hug in person 🙂 I’m smiling from ear to ear with the same massive amount of love, connection, understanding and appreciation for you my sister. Love you. xxx

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Love this post and love YOU. Every time I read a post, my heart swells with gratitude for you. There is a heartbeat behind the words that is so palpable. It’s all so S I M P L E. Even with 263849473 “crises” going on in our lives, it’s still so S I M P L E. Thank you for reminding us that so much of loving ourselves is about what we choose NOT to do, that other people’s behavior is not our burden to bear (life is so much easier/simpler/less painful this way!), that silence says it better than we ever could, that dignified action speaks volumes – not just to others but to our younger selves, our self-esteem, and the universe. Thank you for loving this tribe the way you do. Love, love, and even MORE love to you Natasha! 💕💕💕

And love to all the tribe! xx 👯‍♀️💌

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I love you too Amy 🙂 I am once again, in tears. Thank you for finding me, for encouraging me, for seeing your pain in mine and for being you – just as you are. You mean everything to me. xx

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Natasha you are pure light and love! I’m so incredible grateful for finding your blog and connecting with you and this amazing tribe you have created. It has sparked so much growth and healing within. Love you so much soul sister! ❤️

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It takes one to know one – you are pure light, love, and you bleed not only that, but the awareness, empathy, kindness and strength that it is rooted in. I love you too Mishaell! 🙂 Thank you for your love, soul sisterhood, and support. xx

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Thank you. Your post helped me through today. You are amazing. Love coming here and get inspired …. to always do better. 💕💕💕💕

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I love you coming here too Maria! 🙂 So happy that the post helped. All my love to you sister. xxxx

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Thank you for this! As I sit here by myself reading this, I’m peaceful and Grateful to be alone in peace without the chaos of dysfunction. Thanks to you! Happy Valentines Day everyone! ❤️

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YES! Love you 🙂 XOXO

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What more can I say in addition to each and every one of these replies on top of Natasha’s? I am almost without words! All of you…all of your words are so inspiring. Natasha, for you to be so raw and honest about Lorelle’s guest post was so beautiful. You fully exposed yourself and it just shows how real you are. Loved the post. Thank you.
“Be grateful that you were his karma and he was your northern star-pointing you on your way, not back into bed.” What a line. Nailed it!
Happy Day ❤️

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Hi Sonja!

Yes I love that line too. Been thinking about that a lot today. It’s a boss quote. I’d love to say those words one day – but the

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Reality is I’ve moved on so no need to. Speaking with actions – not words hehe. But yes totally badass line. Needs to be said wearing red lipstick, 💋💄

Sorry about posting before I’d finished writing. Xxxx

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AGREED! Ruby Woo 🙂 xxxx

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🙂 Miss and love you so much Sonja. Read your comment many times over – Thank you for seeing my struggles and my intentions. Thank you for finding me. Thank you for being more emotional soul food for me than you will ever know. xo

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Love you millions Natasha 💜💜💜 Thanks for everything you do 😘xxxxxxx

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Love you too Skevoulla 🙂 xxx

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Hi Natasha
Thank you for your posts – they are of such a high calibre. Your grace and integrity shines through in every post and supports us in owning our traumas and difficult moments, and knowing that we too can move forward.

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Hi Ali! Thank YOU for your love, support, sisterhood, and for being a part of this tribe. It means the world to me. Love you. x

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Natasha,

Thank you for this post as I needed it more than ever today. On this special day of love I was told that my guy of 1.5 years wants to take a pause. Shocked, hurt and feeling alone….not sure what to do……I turned to your blog and see this note. I appreciate you and your gift more than words could say and I value this tribe of strong women as well. Sending you all BIG HUGS!

Tribe- if you have any advice or ideas on how I should handle/respond (not react) I would love to hear them. Thank you all!

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Jennifer,

Your man broke up with you on Valentines’ day?! Wow, that is really insensitive.

As far as how to react, search this blog for ” how to get your ex boyfriend back” only because it is such an empowering article.
And “how to stay on your white horse” These 2 articles may help you the most. Chin up. As hard as it is to do nothing, I think that is best.
If he wants to “pause” let him see how life is without you! Do not let him have his cake and eat it too. Stay calm, be polite, be distant. Be gone.
Work on you and do things you want, movies you want to see, the gym, a pedicure, a girls trip. I wish you luck! Everyone here has been in your
shoes times a hundred! UGH.

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Hi Jennifer,

I’m happy that the post helped and am so sorry about what you had to go through on Valentine’s Day of all days. The more you examine his behavior in reality, the more disgusted you will become. Mourn the death of the man that you thought existed. The one that does sounds like amateur hour and completely undeserving of all that you are. You are not alone – now or EVER. xx

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Absolutely amazing post! Thanks for sharing your wisdom! This post was exactly what I needed to read based on my current situation! I’ll be bookmarking this post (along with 3 of your other posts) as a daily read!
It’s amazing how hopeless I can feel and then I read one of your posts and feel empowered and understood!
❤️❤️❤️ thank you Natasha!!!!

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So glad it served you! 🙂 Thanks Janna.

I am so happy to help. Always.

Love you sister. xox

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Hello beautiful Natasha and hello tribe. I know this is late but i struggled a lot with the Valentines Day thing. This post was a bright light for me. It has been almost 7 months since my breakup and one thing to know above all is that this blog created by a giving and caring woman gave and control nuns to give me strength. Just reading the posts and knowing that we all share so much is helpful. I echo all the comments. There is nobody in my life I can tell of all my struggles due to the grief caused by my breakup. I lost a friend in him of 30 years and then a boyfriend of which he started the romantic part of our relationship. He then raealized he “could not do it”. He bailed and have not spoken since. What I have realized with the help of these posts is that he was emotionally unavailable, emotionally bankrupt and could not invest. No matter how much I gave. I’ve also realized I need a strong person not someone who folds due to fear or the lack of interest in not wanting to be vulnerable. I was and it hurts like hell now but I know I gave and was vulnerable. I can differentiate now and I will continue to do so. I love you Natasha and I am grateful for you every day. I love seeing the strength in this tribe. Thank you all and I am glad we survived this Valentines Day. Be well. 💕🌸🦄😍

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I love you too Linda – more than you’ll ever, ever know.

You are not alone now or ever – we got you and YOU got yourself through the day (& the last 7 months). You. Are. Incredible. XOXO

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😘❤️🦄

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My dear Linda… love and strength to you my sister. I think of you often and always in my prayers. I’m glad we both survived V-day! LOL.
Love you lots my friend.
xoxoxo

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Hello Vicki!😊. So glad to hear from you. Thank you so much for your thoughts and support. I am so humbled.
I think of you often too . I send you my prayers for strength and wisdom as that seems to be what we need to get through our days no matter if it is the holidays or just our normal day to day. I never thought it would be so rough at times but nobody said life is going to be easy. I hope you are well and are staying strong and positive.
Be well for now and know w you are not alone. Chances are we are all thinking of each other. 🦄🌸💕😍

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Thanks for this post. I loved this: Your gut will always know though. And it will eat away at the core of your being until you meet the universe half way.
I feel good after reading it.😙

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Hello all – It’s May and I found myself back at this post reading it over and over, along with Lorelle’s GPS post. I see myself in a lot of what Natasha says – I just keep repeating the same things over and over. Hence my return to this post. I have figured out that self-love is the thing I struggle with the most – especially if I start to date someone whether its casually or seriously. I had made the decision in March that I wasn’t going to date anyone for at least a year – part of that is because I’m in my second year of grad school working on 2 masters, I’m working with a son who has just recently come home from drug rehab and I just feel like I need to focus on self-love so when I do meet someone I won’t become the insecure, crazy person I can be.

Then I started to hang out with my ex as friends, then I idealized the situation and then I was hurt. Now I’m at a brick wall as Lorelle so aptly stated. Do I remain friends with my ex or do I go the other way? He has definitely done some things that were not kind or respectful, but in all reality is probably one of the best people I know. He’s not emotionally unavailable – maybe a little to needy in fact – or a total f*cktard – he is however conflict avoidant and really really bad with difficult decisions and discussions. In my gut I know that if I’m this conflicted and still staring at this wall I need to turn the other way and let this one go. I’m just not sure we can be in one another lives without continually hurting each other. This is where my struggle with self love and boundaries is really tough. So I read this post a couple times a day to keep it fresh and keep on moving on.

Thank you for your blog – I really do value it.

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Hi Carrie 🙂 I’m so happy to help. Thank YOU for being a part of this tribe. You are never alone. All my love to you sister. xx

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