We’ve all thought about it and we’ve all gone there.
HOW TO GET BACK AT YOUR EX…
If you have a ton of crap on your ex and you know you could ruin him with one push of a “send” button or you find yourself continually fantasizing about running into him looking worse that ever while you look like the reason the “100” emoji was created with Don Draper as your date, the urge is there and it’s real. You want him to pay. You want to make him feel as small as he made you feel, you want him to Liam-Neeson-Taken-style suffer and feel the wrath of what he put you through.
You want your ex to know that you’re unf*ckwithable. He needs to know that he didn’t break you and more than anything, he needs to know that you’re not only okay without him but you’re better. You want to mess up his life like he messed up yours; you want him to feel and experience the insecurity, shame, humiliation and heartbreak that he put you through. You want him to realize what he had and come crawling back so YOU can reject him like he did you. Yes? Yasssssss.
Whether it’s been friends, boyfriends, classmates, coworkers or family members that have hurt me, I’ve been there and I’ve spent hours orchestrating massive revenge play-by-plays that would put any scene in Kill Bill to shame. Thinking about revenge on an ex was always so much better because it delayed having to deal with the rejection, pain and my abandonment issues that had been triggered.
Yes, we all want the best revenge on an ex but we also want to be “the one that got away.” No one wants to be the psycho, “I’m-so-much-better-off-without-that-crazy-B,” ex girlfriend.
I don’t want to not be real with you guys and give you a lecture about how I believe that wanting revenge on an ex is wrong. If you want revenge on an ex, guess what? You’re normal. No judgment here, just simplicity and straightforward answers.
There have been times in my life that I’ve executed cheap revenge as well as times that I actually felt like the “revenge” I was after finally happened. Karma? Possibly. But this got me thinking: “Can revenge and dignity ever really coexist?” “Can you somehow stay on the whitehorse and seek revenge on an ex?”
Is revenge on your ex even possible??
What if I told you there was a way that you could get revenge on an ex but also keep your dignity, stay classy & build back your self love in the process?
Here are 10 steps on how to get back at your ex:
- Understand that yes, everything you’re fantasizing about doing is going to have an effect, it’s just going to have the wrong effect. This is not a movie, you’re not really in the FBI and there are no special effects. No one has superpowers (you can have superpowers in life if you choose to tap into your real power). You may feel like your ex has superpowers, but that’s just your low self esteem allowing him to rob you of your worth and identity because you can’t establish it for yourself. By acting from your broken heart, anger and ego, you’re going to end up looking the exact way you’re trying so hard to avoid: Desperate. You’ve got to be a lot smarter about this.
- When you act from a place of desperate need for revenge on an ex, this not only makes you look crazy, but it allows your ex to justify his hurtful behavior that got you here in the first place because, well… look at you. Come on. You’re better than that.
- We often think that taking drastic revenge on an ex or anyone that’s hurt us, will make the pain go away. Take it from me and learn from my lifetime of revenge seeking mistakes: Getting revenge on an ex in the form of desperate attempts to embarrass, harm or cause pain is going to ultimately have the greatest and most negative impact on your life, not theirs. It will just make you suffer more.
- If your ex cheated on you, lied to you, didn’t value you, respect you, etc., there’s no need to seek grandiose revenge. Let karma take care of it and know that he’s doing the same thing to whoever he’s with.
- If you’re seriously considering psycho revenge on an ex, you need to check yourself before you literally wreck yourself. Stop and think.
- Forgiveness is the best revenge. Forgiveness means letting go of the hope that what transpired in the relationsh*t could have been any different. Just letting go, man. The problem with this is that it’s not just something that you can decide to do and BAM! it’s done. Aim to work towards forgiveness.
- Understand that just like forgiveness, true revenge – the kind of quality revenge that you’re after – requires that you fake it till you make it and you must appear as someone that’s stopped putting her head in the toilet (then wondering why she gets sick), and has finally flushed the sh*t for good. Period.
- Even if your ex isn’t contacting you and he’s flaunting his happy life on social media, make the decision to emotionally cut him off. You know how just when you’re starting to feel happy again, you hear from an ex and you think to yourself, “does this guy have some radar that alerts him when I’m moving on or something?” That’s because people can sense energy; we are energetic beings. Stop trying to perform resurrections from the relationsh*t graveyard and start putting your love, obsession and energy into yourself.
- True revenge always comes when you do the one thing that your ex is incapable of: you let your actions do the speaking and disappear. If you can’t physically disappear because of school/work/kids, emotionally disappear.
- Understand that the girl these guys always compare everyone to and the one they feel like “slipped away,” is the one that stayed in a state of non reactivity, tapped into her pride and peaced out.
You have absolutely nothing to lose and all the satisfaction in the world to gain. It’s never too late to make the decision to be done in the name of the only kind of revenge that is ever good: sweet (as in kind, boundary’d, I’ma-worry-bout-ME), revenge.
Just like a perfectly crafted soufflé, there’s absolutely nothing like revenge done right – with tact, grace, happiness (even if it’s faking-it-till-you-make-it-with-teeth-gritted-at-first), and having your own back.