We’ve all thought about it and we’ve all gone there.

HOW TO GET BACK AT YOUR EX…

Revenge on an ex:  It’s that thing that keeps us going in between the pain contractions after a breakup.

If you have a ton of crap on your ex and you know you could ruin him with one push of a “send” button or you find yourself continually fantasizing about running into him looking worse that ever while you look like the reason the “100” emoji was created with Don Draper as your date, the urge is there and it’s real. You want him to pay. You want to make him feel as small as he made you feel, you want him to Liam-Neeson-Taken-style suffer and feel the wrath of what he put you through.

You want your ex to know that you’re unf*ckwithable. He needs to know that he didn’t break you and more than anything, he needs to know that you’re not only okay without him but you’re better. You want to mess up his life like he messed up yours; you want him to feel and experience the insecurity, shame, humiliation and heartbreak that he put you through. You want him to realize what he had and come crawling back so YOU can reject him like he did you. Yes? Yasssssss.

Whether it’s been friends, boyfriends, classmates, coworkers or family members that have hurt me, I’ve been there and I’ve spent hours orchestrating massive revenge play-by-plays that would put any scene in Kill Bill to shame. Thinking about revenge on an ex was always so much better because it delayed having to deal with the rejection, pain and my abandonment issues that had been triggered.

Yes, we all want the best revenge on an ex but we also want to be “the one that got away.” No one wants to be the psycho, “I’m-so-much-better-off-without-that-crazy-B,” ex girlfriend.

I don’t want to not be real with you guys and give you a lecture about how I believe that wanting revenge on an ex is wrong. If you want revenge on an ex, guess what? You’re normal. No judgment here, just simplicity and straightforward answers.

There have been times in my life that I’ve executed cheap revenge as well as times that I actually felt like the “revenge” I was after finally happened. Karma? Possibly. But this got me thinking: “Can revenge and dignity ever really coexist?” “Can you somehow stay on the whitehorse and seek revenge on an ex?”

Is revenge on your ex even possible??

What if I told you there was a way that you could get revenge on an ex but also keep your dignity, stay classy & build back your self love in the process?

 Here are 10 steps on how to get back at your ex:

  1. Understand that yes, everything you’re fantasizing about doing is going to have an effect, it’s just going to have the wrong effect. This is not a movie, you’re not really in the FBI and there are no special effects. No one has superpowers (you can have superpowers in life if you choose to tap into your real power). You may feel like your ex has superpowers, but that’s just your low self esteem allowing him to rob you of your worth and identity because you can’t establish it for yourself. By acting from your broken heart, anger and ego, you’re going to end up looking the exact way you’re trying so hard to avoid: Desperate. You’ve got to be a lot smarter about this.
  2. When you act from a place of desperate need for revenge on an ex, this not only makes you look crazy, but it allows your ex to justify his hurtful behavior that got you here in the first place because, well… look at you. Come on. You’re better than that.
  3. We often think that taking drastic revenge on an ex or anyone that’s hurt us, will make the pain go away. Take it from me and learn from my lifetime of revenge seeking mistakes: Getting revenge on an ex in the form of desperate attempts to embarrass, harm or cause pain is going to ultimately have the greatest and most negative impact on your life, not theirs. It will just make you suffer more.
  4. If your ex cheated on you, lied to you, didn’t value you, respect you, etc., there’s no need to seek grandiose revenge. Let karma take care of it and know that he’s doing the same thing to whoever he’s with.
  5. If you’re seriously considering psycho revenge on an ex, you need to check yourself before you literally wreck yourself. Stop and think.
  6. Forgiveness is the best revenge. Forgiveness means letting go of the hope that what transpired in the relationsh*t could have been any different. Just letting go, man. The problem with this is that it’s not just something that you can decide to do and BAM! it’s done. Aim to work towards forgiveness.
  7. Understand that just like forgiveness, true revenge – the kind of quality revenge that you’re after – requires that you fake it till you make it and you must appear as someone that’s stopped putting her head in the toilet (then wondering why she gets sick), and has finally flushed the sh*t for good. Period.
  8. Even if your ex isn’t contacting you and he’s flaunting his happy life on social media, make the decision to emotionally cut him off. You know how just when you’re starting to feel happy again, you hear from an ex and you think to yourself, “does this guy have some radar that alerts him when I’m moving on or something?” That’s because people can sense energy; we are energetic beings. Stop trying to perform resurrections from the relationsh*t graveyard and start putting your love, obsession and energy into yourself.
  9. True revenge always comes when you do the one thing that your ex is incapable of: you let your actions do the speaking and disappear. If you can’t physically disappear because of school/work/kids, emotionally disappear.
  10. Understand that the girl these guys always compare everyone to and the one they feel like “slipped away,” is the one that stayed in a state of non reactivity, tapped into her pride and peaced out.

You have absolutely nothing to lose and all the satisfaction in the world to gain. It’s never too late to make the decision to be done in the name of the only kind of revenge that is ever good: sweet (as in kind, boundary’d, I’ma-worry-bout-ME), revenge.

Just like a perfectly crafted soufflé, there’s absolutely nothing like revenge done right – with tact, grace, happiness (even if it’s faking-it-till-you-make-it-with-teeth-gritted-at-first), and having your own back.

x Natasha

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71 comments

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Thank you for this Natasha!

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Yes! This could not have come at a better time. You truly have a gift and just saved me from so much embarrassment. Thank you!! ~ xoxo

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Is it every too late to turn it around? I told his family how horrible he was and now I feel like I could never be the one that got away

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Jen-I am there too, but I actually just told his sister (whom I’m pretty close to the day I broke up with him and why-I caught him red handed cheating on me). I wanted her to know that I had done my best but that I was not going to tolerate THAT. And I also wanted her to know before he got to concocting a fake ass lie. Apparently last night the sister spoke to him and he WIGGED out. He started texting me “please don’t be telling my family all the craziness-that is uncalled for.” Sorry asshole what’s uncalled for is that you were lying and still telling people we were still together and that I work a lot which is why they didn’t see me with him anymore! Liar! Anyway, he kept texting and texting and then I just blocked him for good. I don’t know-I know what Natasha is saying, but I also have to say it felt good to beat him at the punch. He is going crazy. And, I, frankly, Don’t give a damn anymore.

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This is the only think that got through to me ❤️ Thank you

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Such Amazing Advice! xoxo

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This post gives me life!!!!!!! No wonder I get so hype when I get that “New Post” email loll. Natasha, you are a queen. Thanks for reminding us that the most powerful thing we can do is continue being queens in spite of our heartbreaks!

Xoxo 🙂

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Bria! Thanks for making me smile 🙂 Love u soul sister

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Thank you Natasha 🙂
Putting all that negative energy towards a positive use (ourselves) is always the way to go. Now that I’m not glued to my phone because of him, I have more free time to exercise, hike or discover a brand new hobby. It’s important to find ways to fill the space, bit by bit. Your blogs help me refocus that intent!

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YAY! Thx Diane 🙂 So glad the posts have been helpful. You go girl!

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Thanks Natasha
Love your blog
Lots of love from London ?

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🙂 xxxxxxx

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I can’t thank you enough for this. Your blog has changed my life, I only wish you had been around 15 years ago when I started dating. I cringe when I think of all the years I wasted worrying about emotionally unavailable f*cktards when I could have invested that time in myself. I’m going to work on rebuilding my self esteem, get some healthy boundaries and learn to love myself. Better late than never.

I’ve passed this blog on to all the women in my life, and also those with daughters. This should be required high school reading.

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Yayyyy Proud of you!

Sharing the blog is the best gift you could ever give me <3 Thanks Christine! XOXO

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Amazing! Thanks Natasha!??

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🙂 xoxoxoxo

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Thank you so much for this…..I was plotting “revenge” and got the email alert and this could have not have come at a better time. I am gonna be honest I did slip up in the beginning and went “bat shxt crazy” but I got my composure back and have not contacted him….It pisses me off that HE CHEATED and now act like I do not exist after almost 6 years…..this post could not have come at a better time….THANK YOU Natasha…!!

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Thanks Amber <3 So glad it helped! Don't worry about acting crazy in the beginning, you're doing the right thing NOW 🙂 xoxo

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This article came up on my FB feed and I am glad I read it. I fell in love with a man who turned out to be a jerk, and while I do not want to air my grievances, I will say that the events during our relationship have had a profound negative effect on me. I am replying to this post because it validated my actions the final time I saw him. After ruining our holiday together and telling me he no longer wanted a relationship, I replied that I understood and thanked him for his honesty. I decided to keep my dignity and grace by behaving like a lady for the remainder of the trip. I cried a lot in the shower or during my walks alone on the beach so he wouldn’t have the satisfaction of seeing me upset. When we parted ways at the airport, I walked towards my taxi and as a final gesture I stopped mid-way, turned and called his name. He looked up and I blew him a kiss with a big smile on my face, turned around and never looked back as I walked away. He did text me a few weeks later saying he had been thinking about that holiday and that he would email me because his thoughts were too long to elaborate on via text. I didn’t respond to that message and needless to say I never received the email he promised. It has been 3 months since his text and while I am still hurting as a result of his actions, I at least have my dignity and know that the final time he saw me I was the woman that walked away with a smile on her face. Thank you for the post, Natasha.

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Thanks for sharing <3 You did the right thing Natalia. Dignity and grace are always the way to go xoxo

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You are so right! Thank you again!! Loved it!

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Thanks Beth! Glad it served you 🙂 XOXO

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I love this blog Natasha! You are truly a BLESSING and this blog has been helping me since my breakup last year. But what I have noticed is that even though I was the one to leave left my realtionshit on my white horse, I find that my pain is in the fear that I’ll never feel that intense passion with anyone else. I watched him move right on after I left and it hurt me right to my core. It’s been a year after and even though I don’t feel so angry anymore, I feel almost hopeless because since then I’ve felt apathetic towards the male species while he’s moved right on it seems like without a problem.

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I like this as always. I admit I wanted to get revenge, my friends would tell me to go and tell him al this things that we know would really hurt him. There’s several ways I know I could get at him but as hurt as I was I didn’t do it, I decided to let karma and God deal with it. I’ve tried to moved on and be happy even with a broken heart and so far it has work. We used to work together than we were at different shifts but I would still see him not only because we have friends in common and I know he brings me up with them but I would see him at work and I started to pretend I didn’t saw him I just kept walking not even a quick look then he started saying I still liked him and was obsessed with him this girl at work was like his bodyguard and I honestly laugh because of course I didn’t want anything with him anymore and not even a quick look I guess that made him want to start saying those things about me. Ever since I quit, I of course don’t see him even if we lived around the same area and I haven’t heard from him because I actually ask our mutual friends to not mention him to me or mention me to him. I think it has work so far because even if I didn’t believe it would happen I’m so over him.

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Dear dearest Natasha, EPIC post out of all the excellent ones you have consistently put out! THIS!!!! LUV YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!! I’m feeling like s*it in the past few weeks as you know. I tried to ZONE OUT and FOCUS on myself, but HE keeps getting in my way by not getting in my way … (HATE how he provokes my need for validation because he is well aware of all my weaknesses). This POST gave me that OMMMPPHHHH to get on with the program to back my own self!! I will NOT become what he wants to see, and say “AHA… you see. Crazy bat-s*it B!” NO, I will NOT give him that! Mwahhhh Natashs, loving this post lots!! x

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Yay! Glad it helped 🙂 Thanks Jamie!

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Dear Natasha, to add on – I know what you’re saying and I do want that quality revenge of letting my actions do the speaking and disappear emotionally. I really want to stay in a state of non-reactivity but here is the thing. We cross paths at work, and I am consistently being called out or chatted up by people standing around him (those that are oblivious to our situation but I think one or two of his close mates are catching on). We have been friends for so long, people don’t realize that I’ve got issues with his past behavior of ghosting (pretty sure he does that to others as well and it’s pathetic really). How do I respond when our mutual co-workers call out to me when he is standing right beside them? So I walk fast like a maniac, and walk away leaving that person that called out to me perplexed of what the hell is going on. I don’t have an alternative solution faced with a situation like this and still be retaining my dignity. The last thing I want to be doing is to speak like it’s normal around him (even if I don’t speak to him directly, but I come up to our co-workers and speak around him, I feel like I’m mistreating myself ) because he just does not deserve a normal treatment. You know what I’m saying? I cannot give him a normal treatment like he did not do anything wrong … I refuse to speak to him, be anywhere near him or even look at him because of the walking disaster that he is. Unfortunately, this is all done at the expense of the people around us starting to think I’m weird. There is also that possibility he is smiling to his idiotic self thinking “… lucky escape. Psycho b*!…” So I still don’t know how to deal with such scenarios and still be retaining my ego/ dignity. I feel if I speak normally with others in his presence, and even if I do not address him directly in my conversation, I’m giving him something that he does not deserve. My normality. I don’t know if this can be seen in any other way, appreciate any thoughts on this. Thanks Natasha! Luv U!! xox

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This blog is so helpful, you have no idea how much I’ve needed this in the past and now recently, with a breakup 2 weeks ago. I’m taking your advice and leaving old, desperate habits behind. No revenge photos, no quotes, no reaching out or initiating contact of any kind. I’m sure he’s gotten used to me doing these things in the past (we’ve broken up a few times already and I’ve always been the one to cave) but I’m truly done this time and this site gives me so much strength. I do still creep sometimes. I admit it. I’ve noticed my ex has gone from posting how happy he is and how great his days are to what seems like copying me. It’s odd? If I post something, he posts similar. He captions photos the same. He posts a selfie only once I do. What the heck is going on?

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LOL. He’s just being competitive to attain a reaction. Laugh it off and stay on your whitehorse. All of your power lies in non-reactivity. Thanks for reading Mari! xo

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he keeps on texting ….evn though I dnt reply at all … although it’s been 2 months since v last saw each other… first was emails…which became email fight n i clearly mentioned I wanted him to leave her…
he says let’s meet n talk once …n keeps on texting how bad shape he is in …Bt never he has mentioned bout leaving her … only keeps on sayin how bad he is widout me….

I don’t reply yet I’m getting weaker by the day ….can’t take it anymore I still want him
m jst faking til I make it…but I can’t hold on any longer
plz help ..should I give one more chance

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Hi Ashley! I don’t know enough about your relationship history. If he’s hurt you and treated you with a lack of respect, I would keep your door closed. People don’t change, they reveal themselves over time. xoxo

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tnx natasha…
ur site has been a saviour…
I keep reading each n evry post day in n out…n tht is how have kept my self strong yet..
although his texts make me really weak
but it’s good to come back here
you rock girl….

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XOXO

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I contacted you a few months back on this site. Your so amazing ! I was engaged to a complete Narcissist/Sociopath .We’ve been broken up for 8 months .We were together for 2 years .. Then he met this girl for six months and married her last weekend. I was shocked and felt like a kick in my vagina. It made me feel like “wow” he’s going to be so awesome to this new woman and change for the best. I lost my dignity and I sent him nasty texts. I embarrassed myself so bad. I was going to send his new wife’s mom a message on Fb. Then I read your article. I’m so glad I didn’t . I’ve never blown him up or was a stalker . Embarrassed for myself . Thanks again! I hope his Karma comes back.

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Hi Tennille! Yes, I remember you 🙂 I’m glad that you didn’t. Let karma do it’s thing and keep staying on your white horse. XOXO

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Natasha, I have been really struggling with a recent break up after a 3 year relationship. I thought I was somewhat blase about him until he dumped me and I have been a mess. I just discovered this blog yesterday and already you have breathed new life into me. Thank you so mush for your wit and wisdom!

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Hi Paula 🙂 YAYYY! So glad that it has helped. Thx for the love and for taking the time to reach out xx

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You just have this way with words Natasha ?
I feel as though this was written for me a day after my birthday and came about just at the right time! ? Your experiences , articles and words have helped to carry me through my painful journey and I finally feel myself changing ?? I trusted your words and began to love myself … And guess what? ? It benefited me a great deal ? I’m at this point in my life when I’m starting to realise that the f tard wasn’t worth the time and effort I gave him. He is a troubled, insecure boy that craves female attention to feed his ego … I feel sorry for him now

Thank you so much Natasha

Love Liv ??

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Happy Birthday soul sister 🙂

I am so proud of you! You go girl. Thanks Liv <3 Love you! xxxx

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I love it!!

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🙂 xoxo

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Thx Tenille! xxox

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I feel like every word in this article was written for me to read, Natasha! My breakup was in April and running along like a quiet hum in the background is a ridiculousI secret pining for him! I dont really want to deal with his bullsh*t, I only want to know that I STILL MATTER! OF COURSE I MATTER. I was the one to break up and move out. I was the one who saw how crappy things had become. Yet since April we have been seeing each other almost once a week, sometimes from dinner, sometimes for a romp in the hay. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!?!

I am through. I’ve already started getting my mojo back in jumps and starts, now its time to ride it out. Commit to me. Time to to wear out my gym card and use this summer to get back in irresistible shape. Time to do more of what I love again. Time to stop reserving any space in my heart, head, future or bed for this imbecile.

I’ve been so close to this point for months now. Just needed to read this. Stepping off the edge. THANK YOU <3

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Hi Sherri! I’m glad that the post helped and I’m so proud of you!! Thanks for the love and feedback 🙂 xo

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Gawd, this was beautiful timing. As I was reading, there was a chorus of angels in the background. BRILLIANT. I admit, didn’t behave as well as I had hoped in the beginning; especially after finding out that every reason he had given me for us to break up was a crock of BS. He was cheating on me, thats what I found out. With a gal who’s a bartender at his restaurant (where he’s a chef). This gal was invited in our home as a house sitter so he could take me up to Seattle for my birthday this past December. And this is what resulted from it. After I found out, I posted the betrayal on my Facebook page. Didn’t mention him by name. He did show his true colors in that thread – but I took it down with a “private things should remain private”. But he sent me a semi-threatening text a couple of days later. My friends wanted me to file a restraining order, but I knew/know him all too well. I was the one who was/is the self-starter in our (over a decade long) relationship, and I know not to say things that I would not follow through. Not him, though. 12-yr old follower w/low self-esteem mentality, I knew he was and is all bluster, no action. And I was right.
He unfriended me on Fb, but is still following me on other social networks. I’m an artist, so I use social media to promote my work and thats what I’ve been doing. Lots of great things have been happening lately with my art and one day, with not just one, but two big announcements, is when he unfriended. I guess the good stuff happening TO ME, was too much for him to bear. Hahaha. So, I continue to train at the gym, ride my bike and fit into my size zero jeans. I will be resilient and let karma do its thing. I’m listening to you. Your advice is spot on. I thank you so much for it.

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Good for you Patricia. Let karma do it’s thing and stay on your white horse. I believe in you and you are loved and supported xo Glad this post served you! 🙂

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Thank you so much for this! I had a major blow-up with my son’s father/ex-boyfriend/ex-best friend today because I sent him an email expressing my feelings about the f$&ked up relationship we had and how it bothers me that he doesn’t take care of or see our child at all. I told him that he’s hurt me physically, mentally and emotionally. He had a hissy fit and now we aren’t talking anymore. We had been hooking up, which was obviously crazy. I was crying, begging him to respond to me with a flurry of texts and I wish that I would have found this site before I embarrassed myself, but I’m feeling better after reading this. A kind sister from another forum sent a link to this blog. I can’t believe I was so desperate to please a f@ckboy that I threw away the little bit of self-esteem and dignity I had away. I’m starting over and flushing this turd down the toilet where he belongs!

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You go girl! Proud of you for having your own back now. You don’t have to do it alone. You’re part of a tribe here and we’ve all got you’re back! 🙂 XO

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I was with somebody for 12 years – he started going cold last year – I then found out he was cheating on me – I thought he was the love of my life you know! I thought I was going to marry this guy! I haven’t heard a word from him in 5 months and I hear he is at her house with her family. It has literally killed me and destroyed me – he turned in to a stranger – a new man who didn’t want to know me. I was SO good to him and did everything for him – I believe this was the problem! This new girl isn’t even good looking. Will I ever hear from him again, will he regret this?

Thank you Natasha! Your are amazing! Cassie xxxxx

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Hi Cassie! It takes one to know one – you are amazing! 🙂

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this; I know how exactly you feel. Keep coming back here to the blog, stay on your white horse and cut.him.off – energetically, emotionally and physically (even if you never see him, make the decision to do so and see what happens; trust me). I wish that I could help more, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I can no longer give specific advice in the comments. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested. Thank you so much for your love, for reading and for your understanding. You’re not alone xxxxxx

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thank you for these awesomely hilarious articles. its really helping me build confidence and realize that i deserve so much better. do you do meetups with your followers? i think your readers in LA would love to meet you!

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Thanks Susan! That makes me so happy to hear! There will definitely be speaking engagements and workshops in the near future 🙂 xx

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OK, so I’m a dude who happened to end up becoming attracted to a guy(Guy #1) who I was in a business partnership with; I supplied him with young plants that he grew to maturity and later sold. Everything was respectful and professional because I didn’t know his orientation. And, I didn’t want to risk our budding friendship and business partnership on a so-called “selfish attraction”. So, I never made a move nor did I show any indication that I was interested romantically. I was also partly waiting to get some signs from him that HE was interested in me. Well, on several occasions, he(Guy#1) complimented me on my plant knowledge and even reassured me when I was feeling discouraged, saying something to the effect that “This is our circle and this is you in the middle. You’re so in there…don’t worry. You’re good.” He also referred customers to me for knowledge regarding plant care. And, he even complimented me on my attire one day when I wore a “red, white, & blue” color scheme; slightly-worn blue jeans, a red &white flannel shirt and a dark blue bandanna on my wrist (I’ll admit I do like the “Americana” look/style.) He really made me feel adequate, good enough, maybe even perfect or at the very least, “just right”. So, who wouldn’t start to fall for him??

Now, I’d describe myself as a “straight-acting type” or “masculine type” because I don’t speak with a lisp or a Valley-girl accent, nor do I otherwise fit into any of the typical “frou-frou feminine gay stereotypes”. Well, today I finally gathered the “semi” courage to text him that I was interested in a guy whose orientation I didn’t know. Granted, part of this courage came after hearing part of a conversation he had with another guy(Guy #2) in which he(Guy#1) was frustrated over not receiving any responses from a guy he was “flirting” with (presumably ME). Guy #2 told Guy #1 that “He’s gonna miss out. He doesn’t know the kind of guy he’s gonna miss out on.”

So, regardless, Guy #1 ended up responding…actually, more like “REACTING” negatively to my confession. He basically made me feel like it was all in my head and I had ulterior motives from the beginning. He also put the message across that I betrayed him and he now felt awkward because me being gay is not “his thing”. So, my take-away from this is… lost friend and lost business partnership. I felt so judged and blamed and so at-fault…and this was just hours ago. Still in some major distress and emotional turmoil now as I type because I’m the kind to hold back and “make sure” of a lean toward a positive outcome in a potential relationship. So, when I feel it’s pretty damn obvious, I’m all in! And, I was completely invested in that one, unfortunately.

I wanted to find some way to emotionally or psychologically hurt him like I felt he did to me. But, after reading the perspective in your article, I realized that my desire for revenge was caused by my sudden feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and betrayal. To honestly get back to a REAL state of “normal” I need to refocus my attention on my REAL qualities and my REAL character and not some guy’s interpretation of my intent or some guy’s excuses for not being REAL with himself.

I do wish him a good life and success in his business even if I won’t be a part of either one. But, he’d better watch out with his business, because unlike him, plants are one of my true PASSIONS. And, my cumulative experience, knowledge, resources, and even my own personal plant collection are all pretty substantial……!!!

Thank you, again, for the wisdom in your perspective and for indirectly talking me down from a place where I’d probably hurt myself more than I’ve already been.

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Frankie,

Thank YOU so much for sharing. I can’t tell you how much it means to me and I’m so happy that the posts have helped! 🙂 xoxo

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Hi Natasha : this is by far the best resource i have found online for dealing with a break up. i’m 5 months post 10 year marriage split and some of your articles have made me laugh out loud at how familiar my behaviour has been, listen to your tips with pure focus, believe that i am not alone and helped me to realize that i can and do have the ability to stay classy!..One of the biggest challenges of breaking up is getting out of your own thoughts and finding new and more positive ways to view your new reality . I’m loving the new to me view on the best revenge is picking up my pride and peacing out!…what a concept! why didn’t i think of that!! 🙂 Thanks so much for all of this..your personal honesty is so refreshing! if only more women would realize that by sharing resources and tips from our own stories we all become so much more powerful. I am busy sharing this blog with anyone who will listen! XO
Terri from Canada

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Hi Terri! YES! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support and for being a part of this tribe. You are loved, backed, believed in and supported beyond measure. All my love to you soul sister! XX

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A former love of mine got ultimate revenge on me by getting engaged to the upgrade the day before my birthday. My birthday happens to fall on a holiday. The effect that I had, though, was quite unexpected. All it has done is ironed out in my mind that that person is a hurting, spiteful, vindictive…”hurting person” who feels a need to hurt others. Getting engaged and falling in love is no feather in their cap since even wicked people fall in love and get married.

Too bad for my former love. All that effort to roll a stone on me and it came rolling back on them. Revenge is indeed not our place as human beings. That belongs to Him in whom we live, move, and have our being

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* The effect it had…

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Thank you for this lovely article
I know that trying to get revenge will only make me hurt myself but there are times that I really feel the only way to move on and feel satisfied is to do something to get back at my ex. Reading this is exactly what i need when I’m in that mood & need a reminder to stop being psychotic and have some patience.

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Thanks Ana! I’m so happy it helped 🙂 xo

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Hi again Natasha:) I just wanted to say that thanks to the wisdom, encouragement and motivation I have gained by reading (almost every!) article on PMS, I too got revenge on an emotionally void, narcissistic almost-boyfriend. And I did nothing except stay on my white horse, with my dignity and self respect intact. I had blocked him on Facebook, and not long after found out that he had created a fake Facebook profile to keep tabs on me. He was smart enough to change his name, and dumb enough to use real pics of himself for his profile and cover shots! I let it go for a few weeks and then decided enough was enough. I blocked the fake profile too, and the next day he deactivated it, out of what I’m guessing is embarrassment and a bruised ego. I know a fake social media profile is a small thing, but we have been in NC for 6 months. To think that he was creeping me, probably on the daily, gave me closure that I didn’t even realize I needed. By refusing to accept his disrespect and crumbs, I think just maybe I am finally the one that got away. So much appreciation for you and your site! xoxo

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Hi Starlie!! 🙂 I am SO proud of and happy for you. I’m truly honored to have helped. You go girl! You are loved, supported and appreciated more than my words can express. XOX

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Karma has definitely did her thing. I took this advice and remained non-reactive to the nasty texts and emails. It has been a month or so since the last one. Well just yesterday he shows up at my house, crying the blues about how he has no where to go because the new girl (target) has told him he needs to move out of her apartment like yesterday. Again, I stayed non-reactive and told him that it was none of my business and that he should call his mother.

Reading your blog has literally put me on a different track in every aspect of my life. I love the way I feel about myself now vs. 4 months ago. I could have saved a lot of heartache and tears if I had found this sooner!!

Keep up the fantastic work!! ❤️

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Kim! I’ve got tears in my eyes reading your comment. I want to hug and high 5 you at the same time. You are incredible.

I’m honored to have played a part in your healing and realizations. You go girl.

All my love to you soul sis. XOXO

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Hi Natasha. I just had to write a follow up post as a TESTIMONIAL to PMS and the information and insights that you share with your readers ☺ Well. I have been in NC with that emotionally unavailable guy for over 10 months. I don’t really consider it NC anymore, just living life as normal. He has had no access to me via cell (I changed my number for an unrelated reason and he didn’t have the new one) and I blocked both him and his fake profile on Facebook. The DAY I joined a free dating site there was a message from him in my inbox on that site. Then another message and another and another and another…. he was like a bat out of hell with a cocaine problem ? Telling me he thinks of me all the time, explaining how he just got scared, remembering things we did together, little jokes we had… I think you get the idea lol. I just remained non reactive and didn’t engage. He was (and is) going crazy with ego driven craziness. Seems that I truly got my “revenge” on this guy lol. It’s sad in a way because I wanted him BAD, but he is truly a textbook EUM. Even though I am still very single, at least I have my dignity intact. Thank you for listening and sharing XXX

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Starlie,

This is incredible.

I’m in tears of so much appreciation, gratitude and love for you. Thank you so much for not only taking the time to share, but for being a part of this tribe. So proud of you. You go girl. xxxx

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I wish I read this a week ago LOL. But truth is that I felt like this guy deserved the unleashed crazy b*tch that is myself. This guy played me for months, saying we were dating, having his mom text me and tell me how excited she was to meet me. He told me I was the first girl in four years that he’s liked this much and YADA YADA I fucking played into like a fiddle. I bought him gifts, told him how much I cared, messaged his mom regularly…. I got attached quickly. I started picturing this whole future based on these words he had given me and you know what… I went out of town for two days and the second I came back he dumped me saying he wanted “nothing serious. he has no time for a girlfriend. sorry”. Heart broken is an understatement… A week before that he was telling me how happy I made him and now he pulls this three months later? I felt so blindsided. I never get attached and I consider myself a picky person, so the fact that such an emotionally unavailable fuck boy got through KILLED ME. I was so embarrassed, I felt so small and betrayed. So what did I do? I was petty…. I texted him how shitty he was in bed, how much of a flake he was just like his father who walked out of his marriage when things got hard, how pathetic and miserable his life was going to be. I wanted him to hurt, to truly feel pain like I felt. But no I took it a step further. I texted his mother what a piece of shit he was. She had texted me once how she hoped he would be a good husband one day…. oh man Mom do I have a surprise for you. I told her how her son had used me for months. Emotionally abusing me and making me feel guilty for asking for his time, for his love and support and making me feel like I was asking for too much even though I was giving so much more. I told her how much of a shitty partner he was, how he wanted to do nothing but screw a bunch of girls at 25 and how much of a low life he was. I blocked her because I was too embarrassed to know what she’d reply. But I just wanted someone to see his true colors, since he couldn’t see them himself. I guess I failed this time to be the smart sexy gal that got away, but sometimes revenge feels better than feeling belittled and beaten and left there. Revenge is an act that lets you feel like you got the last punch, even if you lost the fight.

Hang in there girls, we are stronger than all the f*ck boys out there and there will never be a day that they deserve to be with anyone like us. They will be miserable and emotionally detached and alone all their life, and that should be satisfaction enough to let go. I am still trying =/

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Thank you for writing this.

I’ve been dealing with a bad breakup the pst 5-6 months (he left me for an ex) involving lies and ghosting. I was seriously bent to getting revenge most days during the first three months; the desire to inflict pain no matter what it would cost was so overwhelming. I was so hurt. I felt so disrespected and tossed aside.

I came across this article several times, while I desperately convinced myself that revenge was not worth it and that I would only be destroying myself—my dignity, reputation, and sanity. This piece helped me through it.

Just four days ago, after almost 5 months since I cut off all contact with him (4 months since he last tried to contact me), he showed up unexpectedly and unannounced at my workplace. He told me he’d been waiting since noon (4 hours). He was apologizing over and over. Thankfully I was able to keep my cool—calm and confident as I talked to him.

I don’t think I’d have been able to face him so gracefully had I done something as crazy as the revenge plots I once had. Furthermore, I knew in myself I’d moved on without hurting anyone, not even him.

He couldn’t look at me directly in the eyes the whole time. I tried to be as friendly and as casual as I could. I couldn’t be happier, knowing I’d behaved well.

Just this morning my friend told me my ex had been asking about me. For months I thought he didn’t care anymore. I doubt he’d care or ask about me if I became a crazy ex bent on ruining his life. My friend said the fact that I wished him well the last time I talked to him (although I remember cursing what he did over and over inside my head in so much rage) might have been digging into his conscience.

It was hard keeping myself well composed. But in the end it was all definitely worth it. In the end I realized never lost my self-worth after all.

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Clarity,

Thank you so much for sharing. I want to hug and high-five you simultaneously! You go girl.

So happy that the post helped! xo

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This is exactly what I’ve been needing to read. I had a huge crush on a guy who admitted he really liked me, too. Just when I thought we were going to be a thing, the next day he acted like I didn’t exist and started flirting with another girl at work. I don’t need a guy like him, but it still cut me deep that he’d just throw me away like that. Since I didn’t know how to deal with the situation (since we work at the same place) and my emotions, I searched the web a bit and found myself here. Very sound advice. Thank you!

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Hi!

I’m so happy that the post helped ???? Thank you for being a part of this tribe.

All my love to you. You’re never alone. xo

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