We all face relationship problems with ourselves and others. For me, the hardest of all the relationship problems to tackle has been building my mental strength after a breakup. Resisting the temptation to reach out, stalk, obsess, “get answers to,” etc., has always been difficult impossible for me to do.

Even to this day,  guys I swear – I’m really happy – I feel good, I’m at peace and yup… after all these years, I will still sometimes Google an old ex or look them up on social media. I’ve told you this before, the emperor is really naked over here. No clothes. The only difference now is that I hardly ever do anything like that and when I do, there isn’t any pain or desire tied to it in regard to the other person and I don’t feel bad about myself any longer. I’m indifferent. Sometimes when my emotions are compromised, I stalk my way into the past to try to recreate feelings. It happens. I’m human, I’m fallible and guess what? It’s normal.

I’m not here to tell you to stop feeling the way you’re feeling and doing what you’re doing. Even with the highest levels of self esteem and boundaries, I think that some of it is just impossible to avoid. And that’s OKAY.

So how do you tackle the black belt level of relationship problems?

How do you build your mental strength and avoid looking like a sh*tbat psycho banshee (instead of the one that got away)? How do you actually stop staring at the pretty blue light, cut the cord, unplug from the bs and quit the FBI-investigatory-stalking for good? Can you reclaim you sanity, respect and power (even though you miss him and can’t stop thinking about every happy move he’s making without you in his life)??

Looking back, after every past breakup of mine, the pain of: trying to passively get his attention, incessantly checking to see if I had been replaced, counting down the minutes that had gone by since we had last spoken, resisting the urge to call, text, “like,” “comment,” etc., was actually more grueling and painful than the pain I felt in missing my ex.

I was exhausted and depleted. Any relationship problems that I faced in the past seemed like nothing compared to the agony I was facing after the breakup. I was my own worst enemy.

Every minute of my day was devoted to either obsessing about my ex, our relationship problems, fighting every urge to connect in some way or daydreaming about how it would all go down when I ran into him next (which for some reason always included me looking completely different and rejuvenated, my boobs being 2 cup sizes bigger and Leo DiCaprio casually walking with his arm around me at the grocery store. Nothing grandiose or anything).

It was like I was preparing for mortal combat 24/7 and putting myself through the most f*cked up boot camp of all time – a self inflicted prison.

We convince ourselves that we need to keep engaging so that we can “move on,” instead of being real and owning the fact that we’re doing this because we’re triggered.

If you’re devoting every second of your time to obsessing about a disconnected person that broke your heart, you clearly won’t have any time (or energy) to heal and begin to move on.

Every time that I tried no contact after a breakup, it was an epic fail. Not because the dude was THAT special but because my self esteem was THAT nonexistent. 

I’m telling you, I’ve never been f*cked over by anyone in my life more than I have by my own self. 

The whole point of not being in contact with your ex after a breakup is not so you can count down every second that you’re not in contact. It’s so you can heal and prove to yourself that you can resist the urges. 

Eliminate all possibilities for contact that you have control over. Every time you want to reach out to your ex, come over here to the blog; comment or read a post and I promise you – the days and weeks will start to add up. Some days will be more painful than others but remember, you’re not alone. You’re part of a tribe here and you’re in really badass company. You’re supported.

Yes you’ll still be hurting, but if you…

  • Identify your relationship problems by taking accountability and acknowledging what you need to
  • Mourn the death of the person that you thought existed
  • Make a decision
  • Validate that decision by sticking to it
  • Surround yourself with those that support your decision and most importantly, support YOU

…You’ll find yourself feeling better and reaching indifference.

I introduced this term I made up – pain contractions – a few posts ago. Pain contractions are very real. You’ll always be in some level of pain post breakup, but then something will come along and you’ll be hurting so much, the only thing you’ll feel like you can do to remedy the pain is stalking, reaching out, or connecting in some way, any way, with your ex. When you’re feeling a pain contraction, know that it’s just that – a contraction. And contractions, in both childbirth and pain, eventually pass. It is in the pain contractions that we lose our minds and end up justifying why we should act out in crazy ways that end up doing nothing but hurting and embarrassing us further.

I couldn’t just stop the stalking and obsessing but I could take baby steps in starting to believe that I deserved better and that I would never be on my deathbed one day wishing I had spent more time researching the cousin of the sorority sister of some chick on Instagram that I didn’t even know.

Realize that when you decide to jump off the hamster wheel for good, you will get a little beaten and bruised and it is really scary, but at least you’ll be off.

If he was worthy of your investigations, you wouldn’t have to investigate in the first place.

Fix the relationship problems with yourself first. Make a decision, stick by it and make sure that you have the support system to cheer you on (you have that here!!).

I promise, it will begin to feel less like your putting yourself through unbearable punishment and more like your actually starting to live the life you were destined to.

As one of my favorites, Tony Robbins says…

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”

x Natasha

+ another helpful post: Daddy Issues: 15 Signs You May Have Them & Why

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61 comments

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AMAZING. Thank you so much for addressing this topic. It’s like you know exactly what I am struggling with and need to hear 🙂

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My friend sent me this amazing blog because well four days ago the man I thought I was going to spend my life with decided that he lost all feelings towards me a day after we were talking about moving in together?!? Uhm ok that makes sense right. Of course I’ve been on a emotional roller coaster but once I started reading on here I found myself smiling and feeling a little more at ease. Thank you so much for being such an inspiration!

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This was the first post I’ve ever read on this topic that actually made sense and not only helped me but healed me. Thank you Natasha. You’re better than therapy. You’re my inspiration. Oh how I wish we were friends! Thanks lady <3

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Everyday I check back here and you never fail me!!!! Massive thank-you! I needed this today lol xxxxxxzzx

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Thank YOU so much Coral! 🙂 xxxxxx

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Natasha, I literally can relate to everything in your posts that it’s almost scary. I’m happy you are so far from where you use to be because that gives me some hope. I literally struggle every day with my bf/ex bf or whatever he is at this point. I really think there is something wrong with me because it’s been years of nothing but heartache. I can’t sleep hence the reason I’m writing you at 5:30am. I just feel lost and don’t have the tools needed in order to move forward. I’d love to tell you more in detail about my situation if that makes it easier for you to be of any help with advice. Sometimes I’m just so tired of feeling this way that I feel like I’d be better off not here at all. I’m beyond depressed and I just need some help and guidance. 🙁

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Natalie – NO, you would not be better off if you weren’t here. You are loved and needed.

If you are suicidal, please contact the suicide prevention hotline at: 1-800-273-8255.

I can’t give specific advice in the comments section, but I do offer one on one coaching. You can find the link to it on the homepage.

You are loved, understood, believed in and never, EVER alone. XOXO

Natasha- Thank you, I will definitely check out the information for your one on one coaching! I don’t think I’m suicidal, but I just feel that I need to learn how to get over this situation asap. The first year of us dating was perfect.. but I quickly found out that he started using drugs(opiates).. 4 years later I’m still stuck in this mess with a now full blown heroin addict. He is in and out of rehabs/detoxes and not even close to the person I once knew. If I try to leave, I feel horrible and he makes me feel bad by manipulating me–telling me I’m heartless and that I don’t care about him etc. Sometimes he will say if I leave, then he will “go off of the deepend.” If I stay, I will still get hurt by continuing to watch him ruin his life, stress out each day about where he is/what he’s doing, always having to deal with the inconsistency, disrespect, anger etc. the list goes on and on. I feel like either path I choose, I am doomed either way. Any advice would be so helpful<3 thank you

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You have no idea how much your blog is helping me get through one of the most painful things I’ve ever had to deal with my boyfriend and I broke up a month ago after being together for three years with the last eight months of living with him we broke up two other times in the relationship almost down to the even the exact month to the year but I ended up going back to him and with the recent break up was for the same reasons as the other two break ups were I just feel like I can’t MoveOn I feel like I can’t breathe I’m trying so desperately to find myself and I have no way of going about doing that I completely lost myself in the relationship with him and I don’t even know who I am anymore after three years he just came home and told me that he didn’t feel the same way and that there was no passion left in the relationship and his feelings of changed I thought I found your blog after googling some websites on how to heal myself and how to help myself but I feel like you’re talking to me directly I’m consumed with his memory right now and I feel like I have no purpose but your blogs do make me understand and say that I can be by myself for a while also my family is urging me to be alone for a while it’s kind of scary to be 50 years old and to be completely alone by yourself I literally have a blank canvas of my life right now and I can pretty much do whatever I want with it exciting but terrifying at the same time once again thank you I will continue to read your blogs over and over again because it is helping me and look forward to your next entry thank you Mary

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Hi Mary,

I’m happy that the post has helped you <3 I know it's scary, but like you said, very exciting too. You're stronger than you know. I believe in you! Thanks again xoxo

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SO AMAZING and I have to say your timing for this post is uncanny for me. Natasha, your writing is incredible and you have saved my sanity. You describe everything so perfectly and your words have helped us all heal so much:

“…Mourn the death of the person that you thought existed.” WHOA. YES. Who he is in your head/heart/between the sheets can be VERY different from who he ACTUALLY is.

“… obsessing about a disconnected person that broke your heart” Yes. This. A thousand times this.

I love this blog and THANK YOU for your posts – they mean so much!

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Hi Katie!

Thanks babe <3 I can't tell you how much your love and feedback mean. I'm so glad that the post served you 🙂 xxxx

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Amazing. Cathartic. Beautiful. :’) Pretty much speechless. xoxo

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So my story is long.
At 21, i met the LOML ( love of my life). He was 25. We were infatuated with each other for two years. INFATUATED. INLOVE. well fast forward to a point in my life where i was going through some personal shit- being negative, thinking the universe was out to get me, blah blah. He started to fall out of love with me. He said he needed space. I was devastated. I tried my hardest to make him fall in love with me again. I was needy, pushy, demanding. I tried EVERYTHING. well this ended up pushing him further away. He broke up with me, I was DEVASTATED. I did everything i wasn’t supposed to. literally called 90 times a day, text him, stalked, creeped, asked his friends, everything you name it. I was broken. I didn’t know how he could do this and he didn’t feel any remorse or anything because I was bat-shit crazy. So i ended up going to see a therapist. I was so sad. depressed. I always felt in my bones that he was going to come back, I literally felt deep in me that he was going to go back so i never lost hope. I started talking to another guy. SIX MONTHS AFTER the LOML broke up with me, he came back after i was seeing someone else. So i immediately came back. we got back together for 7 months. something didn’t feel right. Everything was good- but he still wasn’t emotionally connecting with me and i didn’t feel like i was a priority. I love him so much. but i wasn’t feeling special to him, i don’t know how to describe it. So i broke up with him in June 2015. I had been working 100 hr work weeks in Minor League Baseball so i really had no time to worry about him or even process the stress because i put all my time into my work. After the baseball season ended, i found myself moving to maryland to be closer to this other guy Jake* and move closer to my sister. I was with jake in October. I put up with living in maryland, and i hated it. I hated being away from home and friends. It took a toll on that relationship. In November I texted the LOML “i miss you” and got a response-” i love you so much, i miss you, our time may not be right now but i want to marry you, mushy gushy stuff” and I’m like ” omg”. So I immediately was like i need to let my current relationship unfold and move back home. So I did. I broke up with my boyfriend- it was mutual. we were together from OCT-December. I moved back home and text the LOML- and he was so short with me, non responsive. He unfollowed me on everything. Facebook instagram everything.- deleted all the pictures of us on instragram( i know this because i creeped on my friends like an crazy person) I decided to text him again and he was so uninterested in me.. well i finally got it out of him.. he had gotten a girlfriend in two months…like w.t.f. SO HERE I AM. CRYING. SOBBING. HEART BROKEN. what on earth do i do? I will always go back to this person because I really do love him. I just don’t know what to do. I know that no girl that he is with will compare to me. and that he probably deleted me on everything and all the pictures of us because this new girl is going to compare herself to me and not live up to what i fulfilled. I still feel like he will come back. I know he really does love and care about me. I just hate overthinking everything. No matter what or who I am with. I will chose him Above all. Sorry this is so long. I just don’t even know what to do. He is now 29, I am 25. I know this might be the one that changes him.. because he is at that age of trying to find a commitment. Even though I was committed to him, he just never put me first. he said he couldn’t handle the “negativity” I have worked on myself and have shed that negativity in my life and I do have self confidence and I am pretty cocky when it comes to other girls comparing to me because none of the girls do. AHH. need help.

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Hi Nicole,

Thanks for reading <3 I wish that I could take the time to respond to everything because I have a lot to say and a lot of questions, but I unfortunately I can't on this platform. All I can say is that you need to turn inward, focus on yourself and your healing, speak with your actions and not engage in any contact or communication with him. I know how much it hurts and I know how hard it is. You're not alone. xx

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It’s so great to read this and actually have someone mention the fact that it’s so hard to stop obsessing and checking for them despite knowing you deserve better. It’s going to take time. I just wish I knew a way to stop myself from checking his social media, it’s a killer!

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Hi Sarah! Thx for reading 🙂 I know, it’s the worst. Just continue to check it but only allow yourself to do so once a day. Don’t be hard on yourself, you’re still healing. Like you said, it takes time and until you get there… keep coming back here to the blog and just know that you’re SO not alone. X

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I think I had a pain contractions ? But as usually Natasha’s wisdom save the day! I have blocked the f tard from Fb for about a month now. Best decision of my life so far … I keep thinking that he’s living this new life with this amazing blonde when I know he is still the same horrible guy deep down. Well tomorrow I’m off to Rome ?

Moving on …

Love Liv ??

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Right on Liv! You go girl!! Love you soul sister xoxo

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Hy natasha.. I don’t know how to express my gratitude you.. U are some thing my lady.. Every word which you wrote is exactly what i wanted to express..i had been dating dis guy wen i was since last 7 yrs .. And just 3 weeks back he broke up with me. He said he fell out in love wid me..i felt like saying u fucker u realised it quiet early.. But still i begged i pleaded.. Told him i will change everything about myself to make him happy..lost my all self respect in front of him.. Wen two ppl are in a relationship for seven yrs its not possible that he did everything for me and i never did anything for him.. But he said in the end i was manipulative and suffoctaing .. He abused me when i begged him to not go.. He said please just let me go… Its been 3 weeks he is not bothered to call me or chk me evn once how m i doing.. I understand he fell out in love.. But he loved me some point of time…wt is hurting me is ? How can it be so easy for him to just leave me and go.. We have so many memories together.. We have grown together.. He is not bothered.. Still somewhere in my heart why i m hoping for him to come back.

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Hi Saj! Thank you so much for the love, support and for sharing. Keep coming back here to the blog and just know that you’re not alone xoxoxoxo

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Natasha, you have no idea how your blog is helping me right now. After giving my ex boyfriend a million chances about every mistake he made for 4 years, I found out he was cheating on me. I blamed myself in the beginning for not leaving sooner but after talking and crying it out, I realized it’s not my fault and I deserve better. This time around though, my perspective of things is very different. I do not want to see this man ever in my life. I promised to myself, to my friends and family I will not go back to him as much as I’m honestly dying to sometimes. Your definition of “pain contractions” is on point. I have felt those moments were I feel like I’m “relapsing”, as if it was a drug, but I pick myself up again. I am very determined to leave this time around thru the big door with dignity and not humiliate myself like in previous times. I am getting “prepared” for the time he calls or looks for me, because even though it may not happen in a few days or months, I know he will regret what he did. I do not want him back and I am very determined to get out of his radar. Not for him to miss me, but for me to forget about him, regain my dignity and self love, and find happiness.

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Right on Maricela!! You go girl. You have the right mentality and I know how hard and painful it is. You are so not alone. Just keep coming back here and know that you have a whole tribe that loves, believes in, and is rooting for you 🙂 xx

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I cannot express how grateful I am to have found this blog. I just ended a toxic 2yr relationship with my EU male It has finally put in to perspective so many things that have happened in my relationship and answered so many of my questions which it appears I am not alone in having asked myself. I especially love the term ” Pain Contractions” it is exactly what I am going through now and everytime I want to reach out to him I come back here read the term and resit the urge! Each day I go without contact is another day I regain back my power.

It also helps knowing there are plenty of us women out there that have / are going through the same thing and there is light at the end of the tunnel for us all.

Thanks Natasha for making such wonderful sense with each of your posts about such insanity we encounter (allow) in relationships!

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Yes! You have the right attitude. Use your awareness to keep propelling you forward. You are in such good company Heidi and you’re far from alone in your thoughts, fears, anxieties and pain. You’re part of a tribe here 🙂 Thank you for the love. XOXO

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Your blog has become my bible… Every time I have a pain contraction I pull out the emergency rip cord and read and re-read your blogs. You cannot begin to imagine how you have saved me. Honestly you have impacted my life in such a positive way that I cannot thank you enough. While the hurt for me is still there, existing and breathing, I can now control it and start to put myself first. It will be a long battle ahead but you have given me the battle gear to face it. I love that I am not alone and among a group of people that know exactly what everyone is going through – no judgment – a safe place to get support. So Natasha…. thank you for everything. xxx

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My boyfriend broke up with me in December but we still went on holiday together 3 weeks later. We got on really well and it was like old times. When we got back we spent a lot of time together but he still insisted he just wanted to be friends. For months this has carried on even though we’ve been intimate, he said everything’s better when he’s with me but he still wants to be alone. Iv found out now he’s “friends” with another girl and has been seeing a lot of her and taking her places but three days ago he said he wasn’t even speaking to her anymore when I know for a fact he is. But he’s still overly flirty with me whenever I see him (we go to the same gym) Iv blocked him off all social media blocked his number. But I am desperate for him to reach out to me. It consumes me. Help 🙁

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Keep coming back here to the blog, take care of yourself and don’t engage with him or give him the benefits of being in a relationship with you, without any commitment, loyalty or honesty on his end. xx

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Your blog is the only light in my darkness at the minute. Thankyou xxx

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Love to you xx

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Ur blog is my saviour. ..helped me a lot ..Bt m yet to come terms with getting more stronger…
as this guy keeps on msgn n wudnt stop at anything even though I don’t reply…it’s been a month he keeps on msgn continously. …
therefore I feel I shud once communicate or may b he has something relevant to say…since I don’t reply to msgs now he says would wana meet and jst speak once to knw if thing can wrk …
help…m drowning again…

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You have no idea how much this helps me. This is exactly everything I’m going through so perfectly explained. We broke up 3 weeks ago now. I have alwaaaaaaays gone back to him, usually within days, but this time I refuse. I’m trying not to creep on his social media because from what I’ve seen, he’s gone from ignoring anything happened to purposefully trying to hurt my feelings and throw digs at me. Even though I get some (a lot) satisfaction in not responding, it hurts like hell to see him trying so hard. Like, why? You didn’t want me, you asked to be left alone, what’s with the lashing out? It sucks

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I can’t thank you enough for all your blogs. It’s helped me through so much pain. I was with my ex for a few years already, we lived together and everything seemed so perfect and wonderful. He said he loved the “married life” whenever he was with me. And he would talk about getting our own home to start a family. I was so in love with him and he would show how much he loved me. Well he started having financial problems and said he couldn’t afford to live with me anymore and he didn’t want me to have to pay for him but that he was going to move back into his moms house to save money he made it sound temporary and that he was going to work hard so we could be together again. He moved out on Tuesday and by Friday he calls me and says “this is for the better , I don’t feel the same anymore ” and breaks up with me. I did absolutely everything for this guy. I gave my all for the relationship and he just leaves me Like its nothing. He gave a ton of excuses on the reasoning towards why but yet with all the reasons I was so confused because I thought everything was perfect for us … Financial struggles but still I tried to support his decisions and be there for him. Reading your blogs have helped me out tremendously I’ve blocked him from my social media and I’m learning to love myself. Thank you once again for all you do.

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Hi Susy 🙂 I am so proud of you for turning inward and learning to love yourself. Thank you for reading, thank you for sharing your story and thank you for the love & support. I’m so happy that the posts have been helpful. You’re not alone xoxo

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This blog is so great! It makes feel empowered and moved toward steps of freedom and clear mind from my ex.

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YAY! Thx babe 🙂 so happy it’s helped!! xoxo

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Thank you so much for this blog. I pretty much made this man into my life on and off for the past two years and he was my best friend. He even told me I was his best friend. We moved in together while i was looking for another place and got into a huge fight on Friday and he screamed at me to get out and he didn’t want to see me anymore or talk to me at all. Maybe I was too naggy or emotionally attached to him, whatever the reason it hurts like hell, No one in my life gives a shit about my issues with him, I feel like I have no where to turn so it was so good to read in your post that there was a community here. I just want to heal and become a better version of myself. I used to be fun and cute and excitable, etc. Now i swear I couldn’t tell you the first thing about myself besides the fact that I can’t stop crying. I read that I shouldn’t talk to him for 30 days (besides getting my stuff out of his stupid apartment) but I don’t even know how to deal with looking him in the face i’m so hurt. I know before I could even try to get back with him I need to get myself back but I dont even know how and I just wish things could go back to the way they were when they were good. Thanks for listening.

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hi natasha,

thank you so much for this blog! i feel supported, like “we-are-in-this-together” even if i didn’t know you personally. i keep reading your blog everyday to help me to get over my ex. please keep writing your blog and be awesome!! xoxo

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Thank you! You are so not alone and are part of a tribe here 🙂 I promise to keep at it! XOXO

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I have never read more accurate words than these, more accurate description than these words.
Thank you NATSHA, i am going through misery and i hope i can get help here 🙁

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XOXO

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I keep revisiting your blog whenever sadness and delusion about reality creeps in. Thank you.
I’m still a long way from healing.. ive managed to let go a few times of anger and hurt but i keep letting them back inside. I keep rejecting reality because he was my first and we had a very nice relationship for 2 years before we started to unfold and desynchronise.
The fact that he was the one who blindsidedly broke up with me keeps me attached still. I want what he was for me back, i want what he could be, what i saw in him. I am angry that he acted as himself and not how i wanted him to. I have to accept that i can’t control anything but my actions. So I’ll keep sitting on my white horse, and maybe hide behind it when i need to break down :p
I need more patience and kindness towards myself, him and the other people whom I’ve let hurt me. And i will reach that place of unconditional love again and share it with the world.
Peace <3
Love you

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Yes you will! Thank you for being a part of this tribe, M. You are loved, supported, backed and believed in 🙂 xx

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This blog is helping get through a very difficult break up. I was in a relationship for 6 years with a man who did not love me. I desperately tried to save the relationship because I did not believe that I would find love again. I can’t sleep, I have lost so much weight. I watched most of my friends get married during the time in was with my ex. I am 31 years, no kids and newly single. Taking one day at a time and trying to deal with the pain. I started dating my boyfriend when he was a broke student in campus. Now he has the job of his dreams and he chose to celebrate his achievement with other women. I feel the pain everyday. He has since moved on with his life and is very happy. I’m just trying to take one day at a time, trying to stay positive.

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You are not alone sister. You’re part of a tribe that backs, believes in, loves and supports you. Keep coming back here to the blog. You WILL get past this. I believe in you xoxo

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I came across this blog after I had already jumped off the deep end and had psycho ex moment. I was at my very lowest. I almost decided to give up on everything and just run far away. I was crying over my lost “happiness ” daily. I was looking for anything to get him back. I read the article here about that and had a “huh?” moment. Why did I want him back? Natasha your words struck such a cord and I had to read more. This has given me hope…helped me to recognize things inside me that I was trying to deny…I was finally able to accept certain realities. Thank you. This tribe…the others that have also gone through what I am going through let’s me know that I can survive.

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Katy, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It’s an honor to have played a part in your healing and realizations. You are loved, understood, backed, believed in, empathized with and never, EVER alone. Thank you for being a part of this tribe. Your love, sisterhood, support and encouragement mean more to me than my words will ever be able to describe. You CAN survive – you ALREADY have <3

Sending you a big hug and endless love. xo Natasha

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Natasha,

Thank you so much for your wonderful insight. I have read many blogs and this is by far the most realistic. My husband of 14 years has once again left me and our three children to join the dating world, he’s 38 and his girlfriends are in their 20’s. This is the forth time. He has cheated throughout our relationship and left me both times I was pregnant. When we are together he is great, all I could want and everyone thinks he is the amazing dad and person. He had said the cruelest things possible to me and has convinced himself that I got pregnant on purpose to trap him into a family and life he did not want. The hardest part of letting go is that I don’t understand what more he could want. I am successful, have always made the money, I’m attactivre and fun and we had incredible sex, and I have always been there for him. I beat myself up wondering what these 20 year old women without his kids have. Anyway, thank you again for your inspiration.

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Hi Beth! I’m glad that the post helped! You are understood, empathized with, supported and never alone. Keep coming back here to the blog and if you feel like you’d like more personalized help, I do offer one-on-one coaching 🙂 All my love to you sister. xoxo

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Natasha,

I’ve come to your blog throughout 3 difficult breakups and this is the first time I’ve been brave enough to comment. I really want to thank you for the wise words and the effort you put forth in making myself, and everyone else that’s struggling, feel like there is a safe place to go when shit hits the fan. In addition to providing us with wise non-judgmental counsel, your sense of humor really helps me realize how ridiculous it is to stress and focus on someone that clearly doesn’t realize my worth, so why would he now that he’s gone? Obsessing and being emotionally needy (while pretending to be strong) hasn’t gotten me very far and it’s your page that has inspired me to focus on my own mindset, rather than living in his head.

You’re so appreciated. I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. Please remember that you too are not alone in any of this.

With love– M.

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Hi M!

I’m so happy that you did!! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and for your continued love and support. It was, is and will always be my pleasure. I’m honored to have had a part in your healing, realizations and laughter as well 🙂

Thank you for allowing me to see that I was never alone in experiences, feelings, situations and emotions that I felt alone in for so long.

Likewise – you are appreciated beyond measure, loved, supported, believed in and never, ever alone.

Thank you for your love, empathy and compassion regarding my Grandmother. It truly means everything to me.

BIG love and hugs to you. Stay in touch! XOXO

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Thank you for putting just the right words for something painful as post break up ache. I have 3 kids, and was dating seriously for the first time since my divorce. He was much younger than me, but mature and responsible. The first few months were great, but then we had a huge fight (one of the many to come). He insulted me by calling me a “effing s1ut”. He immediately regrouped and begged for me to forgive him, that it will never happen again (it unfortunately did), and that he loved me and that he did not want me to be “the one that got away”. I forgave him (lesson number one: never lower your standards). He eventually moved in and my then 2 year old got really attached to him (lesson number 2: do not let someone in your life unless you know they are there to stay). After another particularly ugly fight, he moved out, breaking my heart and my little angel’s heart as a bonus. He told me ugly things: I am a bad mother, I am a manipulative person, I am a terrible girl friend…and so on. His mother chimed in as in “he doesn’t need you and three kids”. I helped him to get his very well paid job, he lived in my house for a year rent free, i paid for our trips. The only money he spent was what he felt like for food, and I never asked him to do that, but that was another thing thrown in my face that I was after his money lol. Anyway, it was ugly. I still miss him occasionally (pain contractions), but he was toxic for me and just not a very good person. I am trying to be my best, the “me” I used to be: strong, optimistic and brave. It was a painful journey. It is quite difficult to do everything most sources tell you, when you are a single parent after all. As I was breaking down inside, I had to be strong to succeed at my job, parent my kids. I did get a new hobby – boxing, new hair style and color, took care of my health. Right now I am dating a handsome single dad. I am taking it slow, as I learned a lot from my horror story with my ex, so fingers crossed ?

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Hi DJ! Thank you so much for your love, support and for taking the time to share 🙂 You are appreciated, backed, believed in and we are all rooting for you. Thanks for being a part of this tribe 🙂 XOXO

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Thanks so much! I had a non-romantic (I think?) friend who suddenly blocked me on all channels. It really hurt. And it hurts that I can’t get closure and it hurts that he somehow got “the last word”. We talked every day for a year and then this one argument and BAM! BLOCKED. It hurt my ego more than anything. My idea of myself like somehow I’m now doubting my self worth and value as a friend, a person. 🙁 I feel weak for letting him influence my idea of self so much . And I had no idea that it was this bad until it was over. How do I get past this?

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Hi Jessica!

I’ve definitely been there before. Go through the other posts – they will help!

I would need more details/background info and don’t have the time to answer as extensively as I would want to in the comments section.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding.

I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further ? The link to it is on the homepage!

Natasha xo

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Its incredibly tough to stop thinking about him, oh god. Everytime I find myself lost in that zone I will come here. Its like a retreat, a place where I can recover and get back up after resting. Thanks Natasha. Your words are the only light to my current terrible mental state. Can’t wait for this to be over.

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Hi Cinderella! It will pass and until then (& beyond), just know that you have a tribe here of endless love, support and understanding to always come back to 🙂 Sending you big love and hugs. You got this. xx

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Thank you so much for this post – it’s brilliant! And just what I needed right now as I have just been a break up (about 2 months ago) and I’ve been struggling quite a bit to stay sane! I know it’ll get better and I’ve got great support from my friends and family, but reading stuff like this really helps as well! Loving yourself is easier said than done sometimes.

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I am so happy and honored to help! 🙂 Thanks Honey! xx

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Pain contractions. Finally, I have a name for it. I’ve had two today but the difference this time? I recognize what they are. Contractions. Waves that WILL pass.
The pain isn’t lessened, but I see now that I need to roll with and FEEL them instead of trying to avoid and bury.
And I have stayed on my white horse through both, which for me is huge..and how amazing it is to know I didn’t get off and do something I’d regret!
Merry Christmas to all of us who are struggling and a huge Merry Christmas to you, Natasha..for making us realize we are NOT alone and that we CAN do this! The best life imaginable awaits..and we will let go of the wrong stuff and give the right stuff space to manifest!

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YES YES YES 🙂 So proud of and happy for you Leigh. Thank you for being a part of this tribe and for taking the time to comment. You are never, EVER alone and if I can do it, so.can.YOU.

You got this! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yours. All my love to you! XOX

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