Do you guys remember “Stop, Drop & Roll,” in elementary school? “Stop, Drop & Roll” is forever engraved in my mind. I can’t tell you how.many.times we recited and practiced “Stop, Drop & Roll.” My school would do a gazillion of the these false fire alarms and just like that, we’d pretend to have caught on fire and all stop, drop and roll, just like little synchronized soldiers, over and over and over again. I remember going to a family picnic when I was in the 3rd grade and I smelled smoke from the bbq. I was so excited to show my “Stop, Drop & Roll” skills, that at the mere smell of smoke, I was already rolling in the muddy grass. Everyone gave me a round of applause and the validation felt good. I knew what to do and I could clearly protect myself. Smoky bear and I extinguished fires in my dreams.
Looking back on all that got me thinking a lot about relationship advice and its importance.
Why were we never taught how to “Stop, Drop & Roll” from toxic relationships and people?
As long as I’ve lived, there (thankfully) hasn’t been one time where I’ve needed to bust out my “Stop, Drop & Roll” skills, but the times that I’ve really needed to “Stop, Drop & Roll,” from toxic relationships and people have been innumerable.
Where was that kind of direction and relationship advice when we needed it and why wasn’t it etched into our minds as well?
Why can we master (and be so proud of) protecting our physical bodies but fail to protect our emotional bodies (and if we do protect our emotional bodies, we’re made to feel selfish or bad about it)?!?
If we don’t protect our emotional bodies, it will inevitably cause physical disease that we work so hard to avoid, so what gives?
Whyyyyy do we keep failing to see the connection? Why did it take me well over 20 years to get to this place?
How do you “Stop, Drop & Roll” from toxic relationships and people?
- Self Esteem Toxicity. This is the time to start working on your boundaries and be honest with yourself. Just like training for a marathon, you need to put in the work now, especially before the holidays. Commit to working on your self esteem and your boundaries every day. If you find yourself in a relationship or a situation that makes you feel bad about yourself, your boundaries will protect you. Start NOW. Stop, Drop & ROLL out when you sense toxicity. Stay on the whitehorse always and be kind to you. Kindly speak with your actions and don’t give anyone the opportunity to twist whatever words you have to say so that they can label you as the resident psychopath. My mantra:
- The “so-amazing-except-for-this-one-little-thing,” Mentality. You finally meet a guy that makes total sense on paper and that’s uh-maze-ing in every which way except for this teensy little something that you know deep down, is a red flag. You bargain with your common sense and decide that all of his good qualities outweigh/cancel out the red flag, or you’ve broken up and are still trying to be his friend or whatever the case may be- It doesn’t matter how great someone is in every other which way. If there is a serious red flag, that’s a deal breaker. Stop, Drop & ROLL out.
- “Type Toxicity.” If you have a certain “type” of guy that you are always attracted to and go for (this doesn’t have to just be about looks, it can be emotional unavailability that you always seem to end up with), and you haven’t been able to find a mutually loving relationship with that particular type, it makes zero sense to continue to pursue that type in hopes that “this time,” it will be different.
By having a type, you are c*ck blocking your destiny. Stop, Drop & ROLL out.
- Opinion Toxicity. No one can activate what isn’t an insecurity to begin with. If you commit to working on rerouting your own beliefs, patterns and self love, you’ll actually appreciate whatever opinion/criticism anyone has about you and be able to see it for what it is (nothing but a reflection of them– whether it’s a good or bad opinion). You’ll won’t get such a high off of the compliments and you won’t find yourself in such a low over criticisms because you’ll be so aware and so solid in the knowingness of who you are (and who you aren’t). Stop, Drop & ROLL out.
Just like with fire, you need to “Stop, Drop & Roll,” from toxic people, relationships and self talk by recognizing the toxicity (smoke from the fire), when your gut senses it (because if you waited on your heart, mind or libido to recognize it, you’d be in for a long ass wait).
Just like if you were on fire, t’s imperative that you immediately and swiftly act.
You don’t need to make this big thing of it and “announce” to everyone on social media that you are indeed on fire and will begin stopping, dropping & rolling (everyone would think that you were sh*tbat nuts because ummm….. you’re on fire! You need help NOW and wtf are you doing wasting time!). You Stop, Drop & Roll because you have to! You don’t have time for this bullsh*t.
This is how you protect and build you self esteem, this is how you put down the validation seeking joint for good, this is how you become your own best friend/hero/savior, and THIS is how you can reclaim your power and transform your life into something you thought was meant for everyone else but you.
You can live THAT life, you can be THAT happy-go-lucky girl and that prison that you feel like you’re in?…
The key has been in your back pocket all along.