Relationship advice… Where do you even begin? 

I want to start off by saying that for me, this is one of the most meaningful and exposing posts I’ve ever written. It’s long, but I share a lot of myself, my mistakes, and the ways in which I was able to transform my relational life and reach indifference to so many anchors that weighed me down. If even one sentence resonates with you, I’m happy.

I usually write blog posts on my phone in under 2 hours. For the past 6 days on my laptop, I’ve been working on this post and another one that I’m posting after this (which for a long while, I’ve been really scared to write, let alone publish). I’m also in book writing mode. It’s been nonstop writing for me (sorry for being a little MIA).

I wanted to give you guys something different. Something that made too much sense for your fears to complicate or your ego to write-off and ignore.

So, I took some time to look in my rearview and examine mistakes I’ve made. I revisited stuff that brought up really intense feelings of shame, embarrassment, guilt, insecurity and pain, which surprised me. I took breaks in between and just felt my way through it. There was no way I could write this all in one sitting.

For the past 6 days, I’ve been an emotional chemist.

I made it my mission to pinpoint (and then simplify + make assessable), the common denominator of the close/long-standing relationships in my life currently, and in the lives of couples who were kind enough to allow me to interview them.

I’ve also spoken to a lot of men over the last few weeks as research for this post and my book. I spoke to men of all ages and stages about what it takes/would take for them to want to commit and remain committed.

 DISCLOSURE: this relationship advice will only illuminate a diamond that ALREADY is (aka an emotionally available partner). It won’t turn a pebble into a diamond that’s magically illuminated just because it accepts you tirelessly shining it, in hope of some immaculate transformation.

A few questions that clients and readers have asked:

“What would it take for the person I’m with to feel like the grass is always greenest underneath my feet?”

“What does it take for emotional commitment to occur?”

This isn’t about putting a ring on it, proving everyone wrong and “settling down.” A baboon could literally get down on one knee, put on a tux and repeat vows. Marriage is neutral. In chemistry, a neutral solution is neither acidic nor basic – it’s the product of whatever is put into it.

It can either be something really uplifting and amazing or really suffocating and sh*tty, depending on what it’s made of. Marriage, in and of itself, will not fix a damn thing. If you go into it for the wrong reasons, it will only end up highlighting and taking on the identity of the bullsh*t that it’s made up of.

Same goes with relationships, friendships, business & dating – they are all a direct byproduct of their ingredients.

The problem is, we tend to ignore the fact that we ONLY have control over:

  • Our own ingredients that we put in.
  • Making the decision to act upon the fact that the other person’s lack of/missing ingredients have nothing to do with us or our value. It has to do with THEM. Their kitchen was empty long before you came into the picture. It’s not your job or within your abilities, to keep your kitchen stocked while restocking anyone else’s. You’re not Costco.
  • Getting turned on by the fact that the other person needs our ingredients to feed off of for narcissistic survival (and enthusiastically consumes until you have nothing left but a codependent nightmare – they are dependent on wiping their emotional shoes on the doormat you’ve become and you are dependent on them using you + the crumbs of mud they leave on your mat, just to feel significant).

For me, this post was about identifying an X Factor that would make the thought of deviating induce a “No thanks, I’m good” yawn, instead of a “Yes-!!!-I’m-finally-free-from-the-ball-and-chain,” excitement.

What, if anything, would silence and shut down the “Could I do ever do better?” wonderings ?? Even in the most connected and empathetic partners.

Relationship advice is interesting. There’s such an abundance of it, but the living, breathing results of its application are few and far between.

I examined the few and far between – both in the long-standing relationships in my personal life and with the couples I interviewed that have been together for decades.

And the conclusion I came to, the “secret,” to long lasting relationships… Just like every solution to life’s complexities, is so simple.

This relationship advice will give you a sense of peace. The kind of peace that can only come from realizing the keys to your jail cell have been in your back pocket all along.

Take it from someone who finally escaped and got out… Your cell is self-imposed.

You are right now, voluntarily serving a sentence that was never meant for you.

It’s time to reclaim your keys and get the f*ck out.

As far as relationship advice goes, I want to share with you the #1 thing that makes relationships last.

But before I get into that, I want to first discuss some common mistakes (I’ve made them all), when it comes to getting into a relationship with a Happily Ever After dream, and consistently waking up in relationsh*t hell.

If you’re looking for a connected, intimate, enviable relationship that will compliment and contribute to your health, healing, evolution and joy; a relationship that will stand the test of time…

Take some time to get real with yourself and reflect when reading the following.

Here are some examples of what’s guaranteed to directly cockblock your relational riches & destiny if you don’t take note and apply…

  • Relationship Advice: What to keep in mind #1:

    Would you ever date someone who…

    Was living with their parents out of pure comfort and laziness (while Mom did everything but wipe their ass for them)? Someone who didn’t care about their health and walked around in their underwear farting, itching, burping and playing Madden all day? What if this person also had 11 credit cards that were all maxed out and kept applying for more lines of credit, jobless and void of any ambition or motivation?

    If you aren’t ovulating right now, chances are you wouldn’t. This isn’t about being materialistic or gold digging. This is a serious question that I’m asking you right now. Would you date this person?

    If the answer is no, you need to ask yourself something that I asked myself years ago. This question single-handedly changed my life: “If I wouldn’t date someone who was a physical deadbeat, why am I dating an emotional one?”

    You are not an emotional debt consolidation center. You would never tie your value to someone still being the literal, unmotivated loser that they were when they met you, so why are you tying your value to them being an emotional loser just because they were able to act with decency for a hot minute in the beginning BEFORE they got their needs met?

    Relationships are meant for love, sex, intimacy, best friendship, travel, joy, etc. NOT for an opportunity to perform emotional exorcisms. That’s not sexy. The whole point of dating an adult is reaping the benefits of them actually being one. Speak with your actions and just say no to emotional bed sh*tters.

  • Relationship Advice: What to keep in mind #2: 

    Majors, Minors, College, High School & Little League.

    This is some of the best relationship advice I’ve ever learned and I learned it very recently. It’s not about who’s better or worse. We are all created equal. Sometimes it’s just about the level at which you’re pitching. I touched upon this a few posts ago, but recently, I was lied to. It hurt and honestly, it was insulting because I felt like my lack of knowledge about the subject matter was exploited. This lead me to a profound realization which has brought me the kind of peace that can only come from acceptance and indifference.

    Let’s just say that what this person told me was 100% untrue or even as little as 2% untrue. If that’s the case, I can’t tolerate the deception, no matter how small of a percentage the deception is. I don’t have any room for it in my life. Now, let’s just say that the unbelievable story/excuse they told me was 1000% true. If that’s the case, I still can’t accept it because to me, it’s amateur hour.

    I know what I bring to the table. I know the kind of person, friend, sister, daughter, lover, partner, companion and confidante I am. That’s not being cocky, it’s acknowledging what my actions (and life in general), back up. I’m consistently pitching 100 mph in the majors. It wouldn’t make any sense for me to go back to little league.

    There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with little league. In fact, some people would prefer to go to a little league game – see the kids play, eat a hot dog, sit back with the neighbors and enjoy. It’s a whole different experience and ambiance. Others may prefer to go to a major league game. What will never make sense is a player from one league, being expected to play in another. Someone will end up hurt.

    This isn’t personal, it’s just getting real about the level that you’re pitching at and understanding that ONLY YOU can control that level. Your skill, or lack there of, will not make your partner combust into a player at your level. NOR WILL YOUR PARTNER’S SKILL “save”/promote you from the level that YOU are pitching at. Only you have that power. Have an honest conversation with yourself and remember this relationship advice: No matter what level you’re playing emotional ball at, every player in the team/tribe is dependent on each other to perform at a certain level to stay in the game. The level that’s indicative of their league. Which one are you in?

  •  Relationship Advice: What to keep in mind #3: 

    How were you parented?

    If you were provisionally parented (in other words, if your parents showed their love by exclusively providing material necessities for you), and you didn’t receive emotional provision… Chances are you’ll either give the emotional provisions that were withheld from you or you’ll seek them in hope of reciprocation that never comes. This is a recipe for relationsh*t disaster. Your relational results will always a direct result of your belief system, a system that was shaped by well-intentioned parents who had their own shortcomings, flaws, baggage and beliefs. Undo the damage by being the adult you needed when you were younger and didn’t have.

  • Relationship Advice: What to keep in mind #4: 

    Get your reasons right.

    Make sure that you’re with someone for the right reasons. I’ve been in relationships because it looked good on paper, because the other person was my physical “type,” because it gave me an identity, because I felt cool by association, because my desperation to not be single outweighed logic, etc. I’ve also allowed oxytocin to take over to such an extent, I believed our love would solve everything. And because no one else agreed with the relationsh*t, I’d get off to “proving the haters wrong” and start ovulating over this whole “us against the world,” melodrama.

    I’ve also gotten into relationships in an attempt to “fix” myself. I’d use my partner to soothe my own emotional trauma by trying to get them to see in me what I was unable to see in myself. This allowed my reverse narcissism and codependence to take over and paralyze me. I was dependent on someone else for emotional survival. I’d also use relationships as a way to compensate for what I knew I lacked, what I was insecure about and what I despised within myself. This made the level to which I’d allow myself to be doormatted unconditional, but it made true love impossible because our “love” was always based upon conditions.

  • Relationship Advice: What to keep in mind #5: 

    Define passion.

    I used to define passion as the fleeting gratification I’d get from having ungratifying (emotional and/or physical) sex with an emotionally unavailable, disconnected, hot-cold/unsure/reluctant partner. Today, passion is being with my best friend. Period. It’s about being with someone who you can communicate with, without any fear of judgement or abandonment. It’s about 2 individuals who are too healthy, happy and satisfied to play games and mix signals. It’s about not having to ask everyone you know for relationship advice because you’re too happy IN a relationship, with open communication and trust.

    It’s about not having to give up the evolving person you are for the evolving person you are with.

    Passion is about supporting one another. It’s about the kind of raw vulnerability that comes with knowing you’re with a mate to your soul. It’s about not having to rely on the auditioning/performance because of the raw intimacy that you have between you.

    Romanticized love often involves triangulation and drama, true love is linear and drama free. True love is a choice, it’s a everyday commitment. It is not always glamorous, but it’s the most rewarding, medicinal, satisfying, connected and meaningful choice you’ll ever make. I say “choice,” because until you make the decision to love yourself, you’ll never find it in another’s arms. I know that sounds cliché and douchey, but I can’t tell you how true it is. This is the only way to crack the code of unconditional, deep, long lasting and committed love.

    For years, because I didn’t love myself, I was addicted to the hot-cold/ups-downs of romanticized, Carrie and Mr. Big love. The triangulation and conditions around what was supposed to be linear and unconditional, prevented me from ever feeling like it was worth loving myself, let alone anyone else loving me.

    You’ve got infinite choices but only 1 life and 1 gut – listen to it. It never lies.

The ultimate relationship advice: What’s the #1 thing that makes relationships last?

After speaking with countless couples who’ve been together for 20+ years and men of all cultures, ages, looks, occupations and positions, here’s the conclusion that I’ve come to:

I always hear (and thought for the longest time), that communication, empathy and trust were the Triple Crown Triad of relationship advice as far as lasting and meaningful relationships go.

I was wrong.

Genuine communication, empathy and trust cannot exist without… Respect

Communication, empathy and trust are the blood, respect is the vein. Without the vein, all you have is a bloody mess.

As far as communication goes, what if you get into a horrible accident or are diagnosed with a disease that makes your ability to vocalize impossible?

What then?

Or even without going to that extreme, logic and life dictate that at some point, communication will be compromised. Things get misinterpreted, people get triggered, tempers shorten, patience can dwindle, words get lost in translation and assumptions are made.

The ONLY saving grace that you’ll EVER have is an undying and unwavering respect for ONE ANOTHER.

RESPECT = Telling the truth, even when it hurts. You both view each other in a high regard, the playing field is even, you believe in one another and because of this, you can trust that you are both doing your best at every given moment. Bullsh*t games bore you both. There’s no emotional distance. You can thus empathize by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. Your actions seamlessly and without concerted effort, match your words. You don’t ever talk crap about one another to anyone because you’ve collectively constructed an environment in which you both feel safe to communicate insecurities, anxieties and concerns. You respect that you have equal say and equal relational rights. You hold each other to a standard as high as what you’re consistently providing because you both pitch in the same league. You motivate each other to be your best selves by being your best selves and remaining open to evolution, making mistakes that you learn from and being wrong. You both have an allergy to stagnation and bullsh*t.

If you don’t respect one another, you’ll never fully trust each other’s intentions or need for independence. You’ll then feel like you have to hide things from one another and present an edited version of yourself because you are no longer with your soulmate, you’re with a carbon copy of what you’ve become: a relational handicap; a liability, hungry for validation.

And because of this, you’ll be threatened by any and everyone outside of your relational cocoon. Soon, the foundation of Jello beneath you will turn into quicksand.

Every man that I spoke with agreed – looks will get you in the door, but they don’t keep you in the house.

The ONE thing they all said  that would get them to WANT to commit?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

The ability to know yourself, know your value, respect yourself, make your own emotional money and thus, command their respect. This was the sexiest thing to every man I spoke with. 

Never feel bad or guilty for having your own back (boundaries) – The right man will appreciate it. The wrong ones will just try to vilify you and make your feel immature/guilty while they victimize their narcissistic selves.

If you command a man’s respect, he won’t want you to have any other options but him because he knows how hot and rare of a commodity you truly are.

You have now separated yourself from the pack and are no longer another pretty face that needs anyone to tell her who she is or what she’s worth.

F*cktard people think that the more abusive they are, the more turned on, desperate, easy and available the opposite sex will be.

Divorce the frat boy mentality and marry the FACT that the right partner will honor the white horse that YOU are riding on. No rescuing/validation seeking needed.

How do you command respect?

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: As long as your self esteem is low, you will never respect anyone that respects you. You’ll only “respect,” those that make you work for their crumbs.

The only way to build self resect is through boundaries – acknowledging that you are the CEO of Y.O.U. It’s about having the ability to accept and reject other people’s words, actions and behavior in light of having your own back. You don’t get all worked up; you’re super chill and always maintain grace under pressure.

You also don’t hold grudges and you don’t hold grown adults to a low standard – you allow them to own their own behavior, decisions, words and actions.

The only way that you’ll ever have a long standing, connected and mutual relationship is by first respecting yourself. Your partner also has to respect himself for it to ever work. If they don’t respect themselves, they’ll never accept your respect for them – they’ll only exploit it by doormating and devaluing you, hoping that you’ll continue to hang onto the threads of future faking promises.

And if you hang around long enough… you will lose your dignity.

If you don’t have any self respect, you’ll never feel like you are worthy of anyone else’s, especially your partner’s (hello crumb diet). This sounds insane, but you’ll actually demote and lose respect for anyone that shows you respect. You’ll view them as dumb because they are trying to respect the worthlessness that you deep down, feel you are.

And because you’re unable to accept respect, you’ll sabotage and undermine it when given. You will always feel like you have to compensate, seek validation and prove yourself to be worthy of the love, respect, gratitude, appreciation, trust and value that you deserve.

Getting out of that jail cell is one decision away. And you’ll never have to make it alone. We are all behind you, 1000%.

Thanks for being a part of this tribe.

Love, respect and peace to you all- x Natasha

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44 comments

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What a truly extraordinary piece you have written, Natasha. I love the part about learning the power and value of self respect and why, when this is absent, we are never going to find the love and respect we are wanting. It truly does start with ourselves. Love the CEO of YOU bit!

It’s so true – and loving someone who treats you like crap will never turn that proverbial sows ear into a silk purse. And crumbs will never fill you up.

I usually comment when I’ve read your posts a few times. I like to digest everything slowly. But I’m writing a response very quickly tonight – just a beautiful and insightful piece full of truth and wisdom.

Self love and self respect are the key to the best relationships you’ll ever have. Just remember to start with number one – yep that’s me, that’s you and it’s power to all of us.

Awesome and beautiful words, Natasha. You make the world a better place….. ❤️

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Lorelle, your comments never fail at making me cry tears of such gratitude, love, joy, inclusion, understanding and appreciation… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express it any better than that <3 Thank you for being an angel to me and so many people here in this tribe of love.

BIG love to you soul sis. xxx

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I AM NOT COSTCO….this made me spit out my coffee this morning. Happy Monday!

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HAHAHA glad you liked 🙂 xo

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Amen!!!

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🙂 !! XOXO

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Beautifully written like always. ❤️

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Thanks beautiful 🙂 XOXO

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I`ve been following your blog now for almost a year since the breakup with my ex, and you have no idea how much everything you have written have helped me heal and comforted me! I`m so grateful for every post you write and can`t wait until your book comes out <3

Right now I`m learning to love myself and make myself happy. I`m also in a long distance relationship right now (we`ve been together for four months so I know it might have been a bit early after my ex). But I`m so confused if my boyfriend is emotionally unavailable or not, because he is a really kind person but I feel like I`m the only one really committed to the relationship and makes the effort to contact him while he can go days without contacting me. Some part of me says it is a total relationsh*t and I should just break up, and we`ve talked about it together before, but I have such a hard time letting go.

Anyway I just want to say I love you soul sister and this tribe, and I`m so grateful for being able to come here and feel like someone truly understand what I`m feeling and going through. Xx

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Hi Misheaell. I just was in a long distance relationship. I don’t want to compare because I don’t know your situation but just do not be afraid to clarify things up front. I am suffering a great deal because he broke up with me due to being emotionally unavailable. I did not respect myself enough and plus I had a fear of flying but that’s another story. I worked on myself to better our relationship and get over my fears. I worked like I was trying to get a degree or something!! I loved him with my whole being and he could not receive. I did not see it or pay attto the signs because I didn’t want to. Here I am 6 weeks later broken and trying to heal. Thank God for Natasha and the tribe. Do as she says and apply respect to you. I am in the process of rebuilding me. I would not want you to go through what I am in a few months. Nail him down!!! I’m sure you are too wonderful to waste your time. Best to you. ❤️

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Thank you so much for replying! <3 I was exactly were you are right now a year ago, it will get better in time! Just take care of yourself and know that him being unavaible has nothing to do with you and your worth <3 I wish you all the best <3

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This makes my heart smile 🙂 <3

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YES! I love seeing this love and support <3 Thank you Linda. You're not alone. EVER. xo

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Hi Mishaell,

When I read your words, I felt compelled to reply. I identify so much with what you have written. I too found great healing by coming to PMS and reading. I would find an article and re read it so many times. Because each time it just made me feel so good inside and I got such a sense of empowerment out of it.

I suddenly felt better, not alone and not like a loser. At my worst point that was pretty much where I was at. So sad – so empty and in so much pain. A horrible way to exist.

Re read what you wrote, because you have actually answered your own question. From experience I can tell you this: words are beautiful but you need to line them up with actions. If they do not match – the actions are the truth tellers of the situation.

If this kind man can go for days without contacting you, there’s your red flag. You are wondering if he’s emotionally available. If he was, you’d not need to ask that. You feel like you’re the one putting the effort in because you ARE the one putting the effort in.

This is reinforced by the fact you have even talked to him about it. You find it hard to let go.

You are super clever. Your intuition is sharp. Your soul is whispering to you. Your heart wants to love and be loved. These are all powerful parts of you.

If a guy can go for days without contact, you’re not a priority. He no doubt enjoys you – and his ego would love the attention you give him. But he’s not invested.

That feeling you – of finding it hard to let go, is because you think you’ll feel worse if you do. You wrote too, that you’re learning to love yourself and make yourself happy. Yes!!!! You truly are!! That’s why you can see the discrepancy in this relationship you have. You even questioned if it was actually a relationsh*t.

You know. You do.
I’ll tell you though, like we are best friends. “He’s not good enough for you, you are worth someone’s time. If he can go for days without contacting you – it’s cause he DGAF. He has his ph all the time. We all do. What’s up with that? You’re too good for that. Too good for him. Let him boost his ego somewhere else’. Hugs 💋 Xxx

Go and buy yourself some flowers after work. Go and cry in the shower. Eat a nice dinner and read, read, read this blog after that.

You’re so smart. You are healing at lightening speed. That’s why you wrote those words. The truth doesn’t hurt- it sets you free. Get on your white horse and ride. Love xxx hugs xxx ❤️🌸🌷👠🌺💅🏻👛💄💐💐💐❤️

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Hi Lorelle,

Such beautifully written words, I just had to reply and say thank you!

xx

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Hi Sam – awww thanks so much… what a lovely thing to say!
Love to you xxx ❤️

🙂 XOXO

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Agreed!

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Wow your answer made tear up, thank you so much for taking the time to write such a beautiful answer <3 Love you xx

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Awwww so happy to hear from you! I’ve been thinking about you all day – hugs. Make sure you do something nice to spoil yourself today… you deserve it! Keep reading this blog – it will help so much on the hard days. I had to write to you this morning – made me tear up too, doing it. I have been there – but look at you! You’re a girl with a freight train heart – nothing going to stop you. You’re beautiful and strong. You’re so loved.

And guess what else? Natasha reads everything written in the comments – she will fill your bucket til it’s overflowing! You have that to look forward to as well xx Have a beautiful day, Mishaell. Stay as you are. You’re enough and love you too, sweetness. Xxx

❤️💌❤️

I am forever grateful for any and everyone who caused you the kind of pain that propelled this awareness and light within you Lorelle. Awareness and light that you were born with <3 Thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving me, the sisters you have met and this tribe the way you do. xx

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I second that! xx

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Lorelle,

You are so lovely. Such an inspiring spirit! Don’t ever change that about you 😘

Hope you’re having a beautiful day wherever you are and much ❤️ to you.

xo

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Hi Amy… thank you for your words. I’m really touched. Xx The one thing I’ve learned on PMS is that even on days you feel like you’re alone, the truth is we can all reach out here. I love our little tribe and I’m laying here in bed feeling so happy inside. Time for sleep for me – I’m feeling so loved up within I know I’ll sleep like a baby.

You have a beautiful day too – love and hugs from Australia xx ❤️ 🇦🇺

I’m all smiles over here 🙂

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AGREED <3 Big love and hugs to you all. xo

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Speechless. My heart is bursting with gratitude. I could not have said it any better <3 Thank you Lorelle. You need to write a book! xxxx

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Hi Mishaell!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart <3 Your love, support, sisterhood and presence mean everything to me. I love you too soul sis 🙂 Thank YOU for being a part of this tribe. You are incredible.

I wish that I had the time to elaborate on your situation but remember... kindness has nothing to do with whether someone is emotionally unavailable or not. Consistent ACTIONS do.

Thank you for being you. XO

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Hi Mishaell,
I’m not new to this amazing blog, don’t comment or reply a lot but this time I simply identified with what you mentioned and felt the need to write these words. I am so very familiar with what you said. The not being contacted for days, for instance and the feeling that you are the only one who is committed to the relationship. You are the only one who can 100% know the dynamic of your long distance relationship with this person but try to put yourself in his shoes and try to see why you would not reach out every day to that person you are supposed to be in a relationship with?! If you loved them, cared for their well-being, if you wanted to simply make sure that they are OK, if you needed to reach out to them simply because it’s a basic need when you feel that way, wouldn’t you just do it?!

Lorelle already described things in a way I couldn’t agree more with so there’s not much to add here but the following. I found myself several times the “hard to let go” situation and while doing that I was simply miserable. It is hard to let go but it’s even harder to live in that perpetual not knowing and trying and discounting feelings situation. What I learned from my own experience is that, the longer I stayed and waited for a change, the harder it got to let go. Because I was investing all of myself in someone who didn’t invest not even 30 seconds of a whole day to text a simple “how are you”.

Be very careful with your feelings, with yourself. We can be lucky enough to be surrounded by family, loving friends, have blogs to read and complete strangers to share their experiences with us but we are the only ones who can really take care of ourselves. We are all flawed human beings, maybe we’re not the most beautiful, smart, spectacular or fun but we deserve a guy who cares about us enough to invest in us, work with us when something seems to be off, doesn’t leave us wondering and soooo on. Ask yourself whether you are content and happy, whether you have peace of mind in your relationship and, by all means, if the answer is no… my dear, run! Run and don’t look back because it will only become harder and harder to do so as time goes by.

You are not alone, you’re not the only one out there who feels that way and that’s important to remember.
Hugs to you,
Irina

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Hi Irina!
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply me. I feel so grateful knowing there are people out there who feels what I have felt and like we truly are a part of a tribe <3

My relationship with him actually ended a week ago. It was really hard to let go, but now it feels like a ton of weight has been lifted from my shoulders!
You are so right about we only really have ourselves and thats why it is so important to love and take care of ourselves.
I feel a bit silly for having been in two relationsh*ts so far, but I know that it was meant to be that way so I could learn and evolve to become a better person. And this time I am actually taking the time to heal and learn to love and respect myself, and eventually find true love.

Hugs to you too! Xx

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Thank you Natasha for your amazing and powerful message. This will be my number one ingredient from now on. I love you for being there and giving me strength to get through the dark time in my life. You are truly a blessing. Thank you. 💕

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It was, is, and will always be my absolute pleasure. I’m honored to help <3 Thanks Linda 🙂 XO

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Natasha,
Thank you for taking the time to feel & put so much into writing this post & pointing it out to me. You definitely spoke to me through this & I know you know that.

You & your posts keep me going, you have no idea how much what you do does for me, as always I can’t thank you enough. 💜

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I love you so much Jessica. Thank YOU for finding me and for being the light that you are. Happy that the post helped! 🙂 xx

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Thank you for this article and thank you for giving us all such important advice, so well articulated and graspable. Excited for your book!

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Thank YOU Valerie, so much, for your love, sisterhood and support 🙂 It means everything to me. XO

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Natasha, I’ve read this piece over and over again !!! Thank you for getting me thru the toughest time in my life. I’m so thankful to have found you and PMS. Xoxo

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Hi Leslie! It was, is and will always be my pleasure 🙂 You are loved, appreciated and supported beyond measure. Thank you for being a part of this tribe. BIG love to you soul sister. XOX

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Hi Natasha,

Thank you for 3 reasons:
1. For speaking with compassion and understanding. I am so self aware of my triggers now, and know not to sweep red flags aside, and hope for the best. I no longer will enter relationships betting on potential, or counting on being the exception. As a matter of fact these are hard stops.

2. Thank for not telling me I need to become a unicorn. I don’t want to become a mythical creature, or learn to spin straw into gold to make a man want me. No thanks, I am fine being human and I know I have enough good qualities without being extra. It is too hard.

3. Last but not least. Thank you for the DISCLAIMER, it had to be said that this will not work on the emotionally unavailable. To quote a previous post, “you cannot water a dead plant back to life”.

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It was, is and will always be my pleasure. Thank YOU for your love, support and for affirming that I was never alone in so many things that for too long, I felt very alone in. You are incredible Tevamac 🙂 xo

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This is so refreshing honey.. God bless you.. I did learn alot from this

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Hi Maryann! So happy it helped 🙂 Thank you for the love, support and for being a part of this tribe. XO

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This truly resonated with me. Thank you so much for your strength and courage in sharing this post! I even highlighted some portions and saved it in my iPhone notes to keep a daily reminder for myself!

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Hi Ashley! I’m so happy it helped 🙂 Thank you for your love, sisterhood, support and for being a part of this tribe. XOXO

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