Let’s talk about rebound relationships. You know, that thing you’ll never label your ex as being in because you’re more comfortable convincing yourself that he’s a changed, f*cktard-no-more, emotionally available, empathetic prince that’s now with a new/hot/cool girl who’s everything you never were and never can be. He’s doing everything with her that he wouldn’t do with you, no matter how hard you tried. The breakout on your forehead begins to read “FML” in Braille.
Rebound relationships, once understood and identified, will actually help you get over your ex, your breakup and your heartbreak much faster than trying to FBI-investigate, stalk, obsess, drink, hot-selfie post and gossip your way out of it, ever will.
heartbreak execution-style-emotional-gang-bang-psychological-mortal-combat-level-impossible that is breaking up, the next step is moving on. You may have even gotten to the point where you start to feel yourself getting better, thinking about him every few hours instead of every.single.f*cking.second. And then, you find out from a mutual friend that he’s moved on.
It’s not a race but it kind of totally is and he just f*cking won. He beat you to it. All the “progress” that you convinced yourself you made is long gone and you’re left feeling like an un-sexy, unwanted fool. You start bracing yourself for the inevitable proposal that was supposed to be yours while you scroll through the Instagram of her Aunt’s daughter’s prom date’s sister’s brother.
But maybe, this could actually be a good thing…. You heard me. Maybe the joke’s on him, karma is slowly kicking in and he’s in the biggest relationsh*t joke of all: the rebound.
What exactly are rebound relationships?
What are the 5 main signs that your ex is in one & why are rebound relationships the ultimate fail?
Let’s find out? YES YES YES.
What exactly are rebound relationships and why are we so hesitant to label our ex as being in one?
Rebound relationships are a specific type of relationsh*t that forms relatively quickly after a breakup with someone that you were claiming to be serious with, committed to, “seeing a future” with, loyal to, and emotionally involved with.
Rebound relationships are adult security blankets composed of 0% cotton and 1000% self-serving avoidance of guilt, emotional turmoil, responsibility and reality.
Rebound relationships are nothing more than distractions. Period. The reason that they usually result in epic fail is because of the very distraction that they provide. As long as you’re “distracted,” you never get to emotionally heal, deal and ultimately better yourself by learning from your mistakes and evolving. You’re still the same bag of douches in the same kind of relationsh*t, no matter who you’re with. This is how negative patterns are developed and why people keep dating different types of partners; getting the same result.
The reason that we are so hesitant to label our exes as being in rebound relationships is because we’re vulnerable and our happiness has been taken away. It then becomes so much easier to subscribe to the story that he’s a better, emotionally available man in a better relationship with a better girl. All the insecurities that he activated, all of the things that he made you question about yourself in your relationship are now valid, so why NOT believe that he’s happy? It gives you a license to continue to remain passively invested through closeted and humiliating means that do nothing but further disintegrate your confidence and value.
So as far as rebound relationships go, what are the 5 main signs that your ex is in one?
- He started the relationsh*t before he ended it or as he was ending it with you.
- If it’s been a relatively short amount of time (it’s all relative, but I like to say 3 months or less), since the breakup/last time he spoke with you, it’s highly likely that this is a relationsh*t of the rebound species. The faster he moves on after the breakup, the more affected by the relationship and hurt he was (and is). If he starts dating someone new right away, it’s an immediate cop-out from accountability and from having to explain to everyone why he’s still single. It saves him from having to explain to everyone why he has yet another failed relationship under his belt. It also provides a distraction from having to think about you, from having to explain his actions and from having to talk about you to inquiring family and friends, let alone utter your name. Think about it. Because he’s dating someone else, he doesn’t have to explain to anyone why it didn’t work out with you (and generally, guys like this are so narcissistic, they don’t like having to view or talk about themselves/their actions in a negative way).
- Even if he doesn’t directly flaunt his new relationsh*t, he makes it known on social media that he’s happy/changed/succesful/”busy,” etc. This is nothing more than chain yanking at its finest and also an attempt to see if he can still elicit a reaction out of you. If you freak out and start texting him “WTF FU texts,” it does nothing but inflate his ego and make him feel like less of an a**hole for the breakup (because if he truly screwed you over/broke your heart, you throwing a fit because he’s with someone new translates to him that you still care and if you still care it means that he can’t be that bad of a guy, because if he was really that bad, you wouldn’t be giving him the time of day). It also affirms that he has made the right decision by not being with you.
- Friends/family/coworkers are surprised that he’s in a new relationship already.
- The new girl is vastly different from you. This proves the whole distraction factor even more.
Why do rebound relationships fail?
Rebound relationships fail because no evolution or change takes place on his end. No healing, no dealing. It’s hard to form a mutual, genuine and long-term relationship with someone that was either built on deception or has happened directly after a previous relationship has ended. If he was an emotionally unavailable f*cktard with you and he’s now dating someone after you’ve broken up, you can bet he’s still the same guy with her – no matter what he posts, snaps or tweets. And it doesn’t matter how amazing she is either. Ultimately, no one can make anyone change out of being who they are at the core.
I know it’s hard, but you don’t need to keep making this all about you. Him moving on has absolutely nothing to do with you. The reason that it feels like it’s all about you is because you’re tying your value to his actions and inactions. You keep looking to him for validation. Just because he’s made the decision to date someone new, that decision doesn’t devalue who you are. Someone else’s decisions and your value are two separate entities; completely independent of one another.
You’re giving this guy too much credit. He clearly didn’t put you on the forefront of his decision making while you were in the relationsh*t, so why are you assuming that he’s going to make all of his post-relationsh*t decisions with your feelings in mind?
He’s just as validation hungry as you are. He needed a quick distraction from having to address his own issues, so he started to look for someone else to fool. Instead of dealing with his emotions in a healthy way and taking the time to emotionally heal and deal, he chose to get involved in a rebound relationship because that’s what narcissistic, emotionally disconnected guys who are incapable of empathy DO.
So what do you do? You stay on your white horse, choose to reside in a state of non-reactivity and get out of the compare game. I know it’s hard.
This new fling will not work out because he is still the disconnected guy that he was before you, with you, and that he’s continuing on to be because THIS IS WHO HE IS. It doesn’t matter how amazing of a girl you think he’s with or how convinced you are that he’s REALLY moved on and changed. He hasn’t.
Go about your business, do your thing and don’t give into the urge to gossip to friends, analyze the crap out of whats going on or contact him and play into the “psychotic desperate ex” part that he’s so certain you’re going to play, he’s already written the part for you in his mind (so he can remain a victim).
Let him have his victim card. Don’t get preoccupied with being “right,” “chosen,” or “winning.” If he treated you with an absence of respect, decency, loyalty, love or value, believe me when I say that there is absolutely nothing to “win.” Every time you miss him, come here to the blog. Even if he get’s married tomorrow – none of it is an indicator of a changed and evolved person. If that were the case, there would be no divorces in the world.
Change and evolution take time – time that you’re not willing to waste by waiting around.