Hi my name is Natasha Adamo and I am a recovering people pleaser. My entire life, I
tried made it my mission to be everyone’s version of perfect. I was never happy with myself, painfully insecure, unsure, and if I had money in the bank, by now I would look like something that the show Botched would pick up in a heartbeat.
In September of 2011, I put down the people pleasing joint good. My disease to please was so deep-seated, it had robbed me of my backbone, my health, my happiness, my sanity, my relationships, my dignity and any belief that I ever had in myself.
Being a people pleaser was and will always be for me, the ultimate wrecking ball.
Recovering from being a people pleaser has been one of the most difficult paths to remain on.
Even today everyday, I still catch myself trying to revert back to my old programming.
So how do you know if you have the disease to please and if you are indeed a people pleaser, what are some real ways that you can put an end to it once and for all?…
Does any of this sound familiar??
- When you’re in conversations with people, you are more worried about how they’re viewing you, than you are in and having an authentic conversation. Afterwards, you rehash everything, beat yourself up and question your every move made and word spoken because you realize that you weren’t invested in the conversation. You’re a ball of insecure, fidgety, “I’ll-never-be-good-enough,” stress.
- You’re an excessive “agree-er.” You’d rather just agree, fit in, stroke someone’s ego, tell them what they want to hear, etc., than voice your opinion at the expense of other’s having a less than desirable opinion of you.
- You overly care about the opinions of eve.ry.one, even people you barely know. You have way too many f*cks to give.
- You gravitate toward and over-value relationships where you have to work for the love, acceptance & validation.
- You’ve googled “body dimorphic disorder,” “social anxiety,” “I feel ugly all the time,” “Why doesn’t he want me?” etc. You hate the way you look and you emulate the style of others because you’re unsure of your identity. You’re a chameleon and mold to fit (please) whomever you’re with.
- You continue to experience the same results with different guy. You’re get played, cheated on, lied to, disrespected and mind f*cked. You’re never fully comfortable in your relationships and always being used.
- You’re avoidant and you neglect your own truth, voice and observations because you’re super non-confrontational.
You find more comfort in being the “perfect,” lobotomized lamb for others than you do in living and speaking your truth.
- You have a bit of reverse narcissism.
- You’re always frustrated with yourself and how passive and “weak” you are.
The majorityall of your relationsh*ts are with emotionally unavailable, narcissistic men. The majorityall of your friendsh*ts are with dominant friends that generally always call all the shots.
- You freeze when directly asked by people what you want.
- You’re always disappointed, getting your feelings hurt, offended and wondering how no one puts forth the effort that you do, but they get all of the benefits.
- You’re emotionally constipated.
- And the best for last (post on this coming soon)… you do what I did and you continue to date versions of your parents.
HOW DO YOU PUT AN END TO THE PEOPLE PLEASING? acknowledgement & accountability.
When you have the disease to please, you have low self esteem, a lack of boundaries and you end up becoming a magnet for relationsh*ts. Not acknowledging (& committing to be responsible/accountable for) this connection is as stupid as having extremely pale skin and wondering why you burn after a few hours in the sun without spf.
If you’re exhausted from being on the f*cktard, friendsh*t & relationsh*t, people-pleasing hamster wheel, you need to work on your boundaries & self esteem. Start little by little – when you feel the pleasing coming on, remind yourself that you.are.enough.
When you decide to rid yourself of the disease to please, the types of guys that previously got access to your hotline bling don’t come around any longer because there’s nothing for them to exploit anymore. They can’t get away with door matting you because you don’t doormat yourself.
You know how doctors say that the skin is a window into what’s going on inside the body?
You’re relationship history is a window into YOU and your relationship with YOURSELF. Overcome your fear of looking into that window. Identify the patterns, LEARN and grow from it.
For me…. It all boiled down to never feeling like I was enough.
You are more than enough. Your boundaries, when installed and used properly. will prove that to you.
Life is way too short and fragile to delay living, speaking and behaving authentically.