Hi my name is Natasha Adamo and I am a recovering people pleaser. My entire life, I tried made it my mission to be everyone’s version of perfect. I was never happy with myself, painfully insecure, unsure, and if I had money in the bank, by now I would look like something that the show Botched would pick up in a heartbeat.

In September of 2011, I put down the people pleasing joint good. My disease to please was so deep-seated, it had robbed me of my backbone, my health, my happiness, my sanity, my relationships, my dignity and any belief that I ever had in myself.

Being a people pleaser was and will always be for me, the ultimate wrecking ball.

Recovering from being a people pleaser has been one of the most difficult paths to remain on. Even today everyday, I still catch myself trying to revert back to my old programming.

So how do you know if you have the disease to please and if you are indeed a people pleaser, what are some real ways that you can put an end to it once and for all?…

Does any of this sound familiar??

  • When you’re in conversations with people, you are more worried about how they’re viewing you, than you are in and having an authentic conversation. Afterwards, you rehash everything, beat yourself up and question your every move made and word spoken because you realize that you weren’t invested in the conversation. You’re a ball of insecure, fidgety, “I’ll-never-be-good-enough,” stress.
  • You’re an excessive “agree-er.” You’d rather just agree, fit in, stroke someone’s ego, tell them what they want to hear, etc., than voice your opinion at the expense of other’s having a less than desirable opinion of you.
  • You overly care about the opinions of eve.ry.one, even people you barely know. You have way too many f*cks to give.
  • You gravitate toward and over-value relationships where you have to work for the love, acceptance & validation.
  • You’ve googled “body dimorphic disorder,” “social anxiety,” “I feel ugly all the time,” “Why doesn’t he want me?” etc. You hate the way you look and you emulate the style of others because you’re unsure of your identity. You’re a chameleon and mold to fit (please) whomever you’re with.
  • You continue to experience the same results with different guy. You’re get played, cheated on, lied to, disrespected and mind f*cked. You’re never fully comfortable in your relationships and always being used.
  • You’re avoidant and you neglect your own truth, voice and observations because you’re super non-confrontational.

You find more comfort in being the “perfect,” lobotomized lamb for others than you do in living and speaking your truth.

  • You have a bit of reverse narcissism.
  • You’re always frustrated with yourself and how passive and “weak” you are.
  • The majority all of your relationsh*ts are with emotionally unavailablenarcissistic men.
  • The majority all of your friendsh*ts are with dominant friends that generally always call all the shots.
  • You freeze when directly asked by people what you want.
  • You’re always disappointed, getting your feelings hurt, offended and wondering how no one puts forth the effort that you do, but they get all of the benefits.
  • You’re emotionally constipated.
  • And the best for last (post on this coming soon)… you do what I did and you continue to date versions of your parents. 

HOW DO YOU PUT AN END TO THE PEOPLE PLEASING? acknowledgement & accountability. 

When you have the disease to please, you have low self esteem, a lack of boundaries and you end up becoming a magnet for relationsh*ts. Not acknowledging (& committing to be responsible/accountable for) this connection is as stupid as having extremely pale skin and wondering why you burn after a few hours in the sun without spf.

If you’re exhausted from being on the f*cktard, friendsh*t & relationsh*t, people-pleasing hamster wheel, you need to work on your boundaries & self esteem. Start little by little – when you feel the pleasing coming on, remind yourself that you.are.enough.

When you decide to rid yourself of the disease to please, the types of guys that previously got access to your hotline bling don’t come around any longer because there’s nothing for them to exploit anymore. They can’t get away with door matting you because you don’t doormat yourself. 

You know how doctors say that the skin is a window into what’s going on inside the body?

You’re relationship history is a window into YOU and your relationship with YOURSELF. Overcome your fear of looking into that window. Identify the patterns, LEARN and grow from it.

For me…. It all boiled down to never feeling like I was enough.

You are more than enough. Your boundaries, when installed and used properly. will prove that to you.

Life is way too short and fragile to delay living, speaking and behaving authentically.

xx, Natasha

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13 comments

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Your such a beautiful person to just bare your soul like you do, big hug to you! And bravo to you for being a recovering people pleaser! I am one too, a different degree of one, but one non the less. That bad not “feeling good enough” feeling, especially in certain circles, still effects me. But, I have to say it has been 7 months since I heard from my guy AND I am actually feeling better finally thanks to this web site. I really am seeing things for how they really are and were. I really never thought I would come this far. Thank you Thank you Thank you.

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Thank YOU Melissa. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me to hear. You go girl. I’m so proud of and happy for you and honored to have had a small part in your healing and evolution. xx

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Tosh thank you for this post, it’s nice to see I’m not the only people pleaser in the family, miss and love you!

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🙂 xoxo

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I need to print this and hang it on my wall. I need to stop pleasing people and getting disappointed all the time as well. Thanks for this and can’t wait for the other posts you have. ?

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Thanks babe 🙂 xx

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You are a healer Natasha. What a gift you have. Thank you for this and for all you do <3

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So beautiful I love this post because this is me 100% <3 I feel like you get inside my head and know how to express my feelings and thoughts better than I do. You definitely have a gift and have helped me evolve into a more confident self assured woman. It seems like everything around me is getting better as well. Your advice had changed my life and I can't wait to see what's ahead xoxox

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Thank you so much Catherine <3 🙂 xxoxoxo

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I applaud you for your honesty, it was like reading about myself I am speechless it was a definite aha moment for me Thank you !!! I have blamed myself for everyone else’s failings even when the father of my child repeatedly cheated on me all I could think was what could I have done differently

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Hi Natali,

Thank YOU for allowing me to see that I’m not alone in my past feelings and beliefs. I did the same for so many years. Once you get out of this mentality, you will be out of the self imposed prison of your beliefs and your life will transform 🙂 xoxo

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Dear Natasha,
I was triggered. And triggered nastily. I lost four precious days of a period during which I have been consistently trying to recover, heal, and move on, with minimum pain inflicted on others. I was thrilled to be on the path leading to my authentic self. I was forgiving and learning from my pain, and was even being thankful for it to the person who caused it, and pardoning myself for allowing him to have that kind of a power over me. Hell, I was falling asleep most of the days reading you and even dishing out breakup advice to a younger guy friend. But when I broke my boundaries, all the people-pleasing bullshit gushed out, and it’s hurting me now. I know it’s a trigger, not my truth. I know this too shall pass. In fact, even as I was bawling my heart out, I could detach myself and think that after all I was now adept at grieving! I know all the stages, the ropes! But still, even as I type this out, I can feel it, the hurt and the insult and the love and the tenderness, my need to belong, my need to nurture, bubbling inside me.
At best, and worst, the object of my affections is impossible and UNAVAILABLE. I know that. But at this point in time, nothing else will make me feel better other than his begging for forgiveness, declaring undying love and care and support and security till the end of time, all this while I will be screaming and shouting (with abundant supply of hot tears) and running about stamping my foot, and shutting myself in a room, on the door of which he will be banging his head. Repeatedly.

As I have said before, you are my beacon light, which will be there even when I choose not to look…Thank you Natasha.

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I’m honored to help. You’re incredible ♥️ And you’re never alone. XO

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