The majority of my dating life can be described as me being strung along and waiting for that special time to come when I would finally get the relationship that I’ve always dreamed of. This meant me waiting around for the guy to become available, me waiting for him to “come to his senses” and me waiting for him to realize that all this time he was looking elsewhere and messing around,¬† I was “the one” (**by “messing around,” I mean being a certifiable piece of unavailable sh*t).

I never would admit this to myself but looking back, my actions basically translated¬†to every guy that I was “waiting for” (& that I was strung along by)…

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I received a ton of emails after the last article I wrote describing emotional unavailability and the¬†challenges impossibilities associated with being involved with a guy who’s incapable of a genuine emotional connection. All of the emails I received were¬†from¬†women and men, who were involved with, are involved with or are a sneeze away from attempting¬†to recreate Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, trying to get over someone that they KNOW is¬†emotionally unavailable.

But just because they’re dealing with someone that’s emotionally unavailable, that doesn’t¬†mean that they don’t¬†still love this person, want to be with them or that they can¬†just up and leave. They¬†can’t¬†just quit them.

That got me thinking about what now adds up to a large group¬†of emotionally unavailable exes my girlfriends and I have that were so.damn.hard to quit. People of the emotionally unavailable species are always seemingly¬†impossible to quit because of their “unpredictability,” that¬†we mistake for “chemistry,” “true love,” and “this-is-it-he’s-the-one,” PASSION.

These are¬†the mysterious, ambiguous guys that will always keep you guessing and keep you “on your toes” (for reference, “on your toes,” is a polite way of saying “in a perpetual state of mixed signals, mind f*ing and the questioning-everything-kind-of-insecurity, insanity, WTF-is-wrong-with-me-I-must-be-going-crazy, miserable existence that you’d rather be in and try to “fix” than be out of and alone).

You’re more unhappy than you are happy, you can’t move on and you don’t know what to do. It’s awful because you’ve seen him be so amazing. At times, you’ve seen him be everything that you want. So, you’re convinced that there must be something wrong with you and that you need to work on yourself because why else would this Jekyll¬†and Hyde sh*t be happening?

And before you know it, you’re in line at the book store, on your phone¬†insta-stalking the chick that texted him yesterday (that you don’t even know), trying to figure out if her tits are fake all while¬†holding a self-help book that you’re about to buy, thinking that YOU¬†did something to turn your “prince” into a f*cktard¬†(I would have said toad but that would be an insult to the toad population. Toads are always better than f*cktards).

So HOW do you move on from an emotionally unavailable guy that you just can’t quit?

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This is one of the rare unfiltered (yes, it was THAT beautiful #nofilter at all) photos taken of me in the middle of nowhere¬†by¬†the Nevada-Utah border when I was working on a project last December.¬†I decided to use this picture because besides it being a fun¬†memory, it’s¬†also the Webster’s pictorial definition of exactly what it feels like to date¬†an emotionally unavailable man.

I never knew what “emotionally unavailable” meant until a few years ago. I had heard the term once or twice and I thought it was just some bizarre psychological¬†term that seemed too diagnostic and unrealistic. How could anyone be emotionally unavailable? All my friends and I DID was cry, laugh, scream, get angry and cry some more. It seemed too complicated and way off base. I BLED emotions.

Fast forward to a year later¬†after a horrible, heart-wrenching, not-ever-going-to-recover-from-this-I-want-to-die breakup. I found myself in a onesie and pink ugg boots (remember when those used to be in style? me neither), in my car driving just to get lost. I had gotten to the point where I felt like I had nowhere to turn. I felt like I was a sneeze away from a padded wall and straight jacket. I turned on the radio and it was accidentally on an¬†AM radio station. Before I could change the station, I heard a woman explain her broken relationship and it sounded so similar to mine that I had to pull over the car. After a long pause, the radio love doctor¬†that was listening to the woman said: “it sounds like he’s emotionally unavailable.”

HUH?

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We all want to feel chosen. Who doesn’t want to feel like out of everyone else, they¬†were the one that was picked. The feeling of being chosen is something that’s programmed¬†in us as “the most important thing.must achieve.always,” from a very young age and unfortunately, chasing the feeling of being chosen¬†like some crazed robot can often supersede what really should be sought first and foremost: characteristics of value¬†such as kindness, emotional availability, decency and integrity.

Who cares how much of an assbag¬†you are? You were chosen¬†to be the Homecoming Queen! Whenever I think of this idea of being chosen, I think of how at school in P.E they’d always have the two most idiotic “cool” people pick teams for some activity and I’d always be the last one¬†standing and everyone would be looking at me and laughing and my name didn’t even need to be called. I didn’t even get to be chosen. The “unlucky” team got me by default. I can still feel that feeling; it ties my stomach up in knots.

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