“My ex wants to be friends. What should I do?”

This is a question I get asked a lot.

It’s very comforting when after a breakup, friends and family come to you and say “I heard about the breakup…” and before they can even get another word in or ask you how you’re doing, you immediately reply “It’s okay. We’re still going to be friends.”

Really?

It’s like saying “Yeah, I know I was in the hospital, got awful food poisoning, almost died from eating sushi and crapped blood for 2 days straight, but it’s okay!! I’m going to try to just have a taste of sushi tonight. Just as an appetizer! No need to worry about me. I’m fine!”

I think that there are a lot of reasons why we hope for and work toward maintaining a friendship with our ex immediately following a breakup (no matter how poorly they treated us).

We don’t want to come across as weak, we don’t want to come across and immature and we’re not quite ready to completely cut everything off. It’s scary and it’s painful. We miss them and we would rather have them as a “friend,” than be alone and feel abandoned, again.

I felt pressure to be friends with exes in the past because I had a serious case of the disease to please. It was also very hard for me to say no. Being friends with an ex (especially an ex that consistently used and disrespected you), immediately following a breakup is impossible. Seriously. You need some emotional and physical distance. Continue Reading

There are few worse feelings than when your ex deletes you from social media.

Last week, one of my girlfriends noticed that her ex had unfollowed her on all of her social media accounts.

It was right out of one of those old western movies where the bad guys come and level the entire town in 15 seconds flat. This was a massive, rapid, drive-by unfollowing. She was in a complete freak-out-lockdown panic mode.

Last year, this particular ex (who she thought she was going to marry), had lied to her, cheated on her and completely broken her heart. She knew that the damage done was irreparable, so they broke up and she cut contact with him. After some time, she slowly but very surely, began to move on.

Fast forward to now – She’s dating, enjoying herself and not checking her ex’s social media every hour, or even every day for that matter. They both still follow each other, trying to falsely prove to themselves and to everyone in the social media world that they are “mature adults” and are still “friends” (even though they never talk). She’s still heartbroken on many levels and finds herself getting angry every now and then; analyzing the crap out of whatever he posts.

If you’ve ever found yourself in this situation, it sucks because due to social media, you can essentially appear to be happy and have moved on, but, how can you really move on when you’re still getting a (very exaggerated and filtered) view into the life of the one person you compare everyone else too?

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