One night stands are obviously something very personal – it’s a personal choice based on your personal values and beliefs. Some people have just had one, some have had a few, some do it often, some haven’t had a one night stand – yet, and others would never have one at all. I have respect for everyone’s beliefs, morals, values, and all religions. The purpose of this post is not to bring out the moral or judgemental police, nor is it about wanting to ignite a conversation that further dilutes something I personally think we can do a lot better at understanding (and not judging). I want to provide for you, everything that I wish was said to me about one night stands.
I think one night stands are very confusing, unnecessarily judged, and extremely contradictory. There are very few kinds of sex that have so many double standards and misconceptions associated with them.
On one end, they are depicted as these exciting, intense, passionate encounters that are romanticized in movies, books, and on television. On the other end, one night stands are viewed as desperate, immoral, slutty, and something that you should feel ashamed of doing. Regardless, both are not constructive. They are destructive.
Think about it – the walk of SHAME is most often described as what follows a one night stand. And because of all the contradictory elements, there’s a lot of information out there that just focuses on one end or the other. Which is fine, but I think that this kind of black-and-white analysis contaminates our perception of one night stands in a way that doesn’t serve anyone or anything – other than perpetuating some pretty ignorant stereotypes and assumptions.
So far in my life, I’ve had two one night stands. One was a literal one night stand and the other was a one night stand that turned into a relationship that lasted over a year. Looking back, both had a degree of shame associated with them. The shame sabotaged the relationship I had with myself, and in the case where it turned into a relationship, the other person.
Just like there are two different depictions of one night stands, there are two different reactions most people get when sharing their one night stand experiences. There’s either this frat bro, high-five “tell me everything” kind of slumber party cheerleading or… the listener realizes that this is a great opportunity to covertly place themselves on a moral, ethical, and psychological high horse. They do this by emotionally recoiling and being passively judgemental (even though, more often than not, these people have done things that are much more ethically and morally questionable than having a one night stand).
There’s no judgment here on PMS. Ever.
I used to think that a one night stand and dignity could never coexist.
I was wrong.