In the past, I was very unsure of myself and because of this, was always wondering “does he like me?” in every relationship I was in. I was this way in friendships, school, and in business relationships too. Where I stood with everyone in my life was always changing because was always changing to accommodate and please them at the expense of a life that was officially no longer my own.

I had no idea who I was or what I was capable of. My worth was measured exclusively by validation from outside sources and I had zero power in my relationships and life.

Desperation soon took over. I became hyper-paranoid/insecure/jealous, painfully aware about all of the wrong things, painfully unaware and blind to all of the red flags, and self-obsessed in the sense that everything was always my fault.

Why can’t this be easier?

Why do I have to even have to ask “does he like me?”

Isn’t it supposed to be easier?

Yes, it is.

 I used to make a lot of excuses for:

  • Selfish behavior from toxic, sh*tty people.
  • The anxiety (essentially an allergic reaction) that I felt in their presence.
  • Their mixed signals, cheating, disloyalty, and lies that I would always blame myself for “making them” do.

Throughout the years of writing here on the blog, coaching thousands of clients around the world, and reading all of your comments and emails, I’ve noticed that this is a common theme.

We excuse because it hurts more to fold with the dignity that we don’t know how to resurrect than it does seeing if we can be “good enough” to get the cat to bark. We take online quizzes and become obsessed with trying to figure out their level of interest and how much they like us. The more doom of black and white we sense, the more we try to convince ourselves that it’s just another shade of grey.

And after we’ve wasted even more time, we still continue to wonder “does he like me?”

Allowing ambiguity to be your clarity and allowing ever-changing “degrees” to which your partner can be serious about you to be your compass, is essentially spitting in the face of a universe that is giving you all the signs you need to protect yourself and move accordingly.

It’s just as unintelligent as pulling “does he like me?” petals off a daisy and going with whatever you land on.

We try to complicate something that is very simple. In relationships of any kind, you are either being respected or you’re not. Your partner is either serious about you and your relationship or he/she is not. There are no special levels of interest that are subject to fluctuation. The train is either moving or it’s not and you’re either in it or out.

With that being said, our emotions, triggers, and hearts aren’t that simple. I still get confused and find myself getting caught up in wondering/obsessing over what’s going on. Although it’s not in romantic relationships and friendships anymore, I found myself doing this with a new business relationship last month.

If you’re wondering “does he like me?” here are 30 signs that he’s serious about you & your relationship…

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I wrote a post last year about what to do when you lose “The One.” Now, I wanted to write about how to not self-sabotage your relationship when you find The One. Maybe you will relate, or maybe not.

It seems self-sabotage is not uncommon, but at the same time, there is little research on this self-defeating behavior. It is, however, definitely a thing. How does it apply to relationships? How do we know we are doing it? And most importantly, why do we do it? 

So, when you finally find The One…

Why would you ever self-sabotage your relationship? How does this actually happen?

Self- sabotage is always about getting in your own way. Ruining a good thing. Preventing an opportunity from coming to fruition. Stopping a good thing from growing. Pushing away someone who cares for you because it makes you feel vulnerable. Missed opportunities and getting out of the lane you want to be in because it’s not the usual way you travel.

At the time, it can seem like we are acting from our hearts or a place of common sense. But we act from a place of fear when we self-sabotage. Self-sabotage is about trying to control a situation so we feel we protected. 

So, we have found The One. This person is everything we have ever wanted and yet…

Something is STILL not feeling right.

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When was the last time you had an honest conversation with yourself? What are your actual limits? Do you have any? Do you find yourself explaining what you won’t tolerate to others but then always ending up the doormat with your boundaries negotiated down to nothing? Do you know when to walk away? 

One of my favorite quotes:

“If you can’t walk away from a negotiation, then you aren’t negotiating. You’re just working out the terms of your slavery.” – James Altucher.


  • Limits
  • Boundaries
  • Standards
  • Happiness.
  • Peace
  • Sense of reality

Are things that should never be up for negotiation. Ever.

The most life-saving, transformative, confidence-instilling, and powerful thing that you can master in this life is the ability to know when to walk away.

Here on the blog, I always write about knowing when to fold. But keep in mind…

Folding without actually getting UP and walking away is like throwing your trash in the trash bin inside your house and refusing to take it out to dispose of properly (and permanently).

It doesn’t matter how many things you’ve thrown away (folded from). If you don’t take out the trash (a.k.a. know when to walk away), you are setting yourself up for even more pain and humiliation than whatever it was that caused you to fold in the first place.

Who cares how many trash bags you have lined up in your home? Who cares how much you’ve thrown out and how well you’ve sealed the bags? No one will be impressed – including yourself because deep down, you know that this is not impressive.

No quality people will ever show up at your door and you will never fully respect yourself if you stay in that kind of self-sabotaging “well, I identified what was trash and put it in bags, but I’m just not fully ready take it out yet” limbo.

If you don’t take the trash out, the smell will eventually detract from and take over all the beauty of your home. And the only people who will ever enter your home are the ones who have no problem disrespecting it as much as the owner already does. 

Contradiction is the root of all misery. You can’t view something as useless enough to throw in the trash bin but also, useful enough to keep in your house. Same with relationships – you can’t view something as hurtful/disrespectful enough that you have to fold but also, not know when to walk away.

If you don’t know when to walk away, you disqualify yourself from EVER being The One That Got Away.

It’s time to put yourself back in charge.

Here are 15 Non-Negotiable Red Flags to look out for and always, fold and walk away from.

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I know – things were bad and now they are worse.  You don’t know how to forgive yourself.

On top of feeling betrayed and abandoned by a toxic person you pledged to let go of, you now have to deal with the disgust of having betrayed and abandoned yourself. And while there is a certain energy that comes with feeling angry at someone else, turning on yourself can, in the words of one of my favorite poems by Emily Dickinson, feel like you are being dropped, “bone by bone.”

But that’s not going to happen, because you have already proven you know how to forgive yourself.

How can I be so sure? No matter how worthless you may feel and no matter how humiliating the fall, if you’ve been dealing with some cocktail of a toxic/emotionally unavailable/narcissistic person, I can absolutely guarantee you that you’ve provided this person with more understanding, empathy, and chances than they deserve.

The prerequisite for how to forgive yourself is to give yourself one fraction of the same empathy you would give to someone else in your life.

You implemented no contact in the first place because you were done with being a powerless victim of the machinations of someone who dishonored or discarded you. And despite your best efforts…

Sh*t hit the fan, you got triggered, and suddenly you felt like you were no longer in charge of yourself. Falling off your white horse doesn’t mean that you now have a new license to become a powerless victim of your own tyranny.

It means that your body is begging to acknowledge what you have already survived.

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Is age really just a number? I have been wanting to write about age gap relationships or a May December romance, for as long as I can remember. It was from a May December relationship in my early 20’s that my entire life (and the way that I viewed it, myself, and the opinions of others) changed.

What is a May December romance?

May December Romance comes from the metaphor of a year being the lifespan of a person. May is a time of relative youth where everything is in bloom and December is later in maturity. The leaves get even more beautiful and change for the final time that year. Age gap relationships are all around us – George and Amal Clooney, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, and most recently, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas. I know some people who even classify Meghan Markle and Prince Harry as an age gap relationship (yes, it’s only 3 years).

It all boils down to everyone’s individual beliefs, insecurities, and comfort levels. I used to be so reactionary and judgemental.

Nowadays, yes, of course, I have my own opinions and beliefs but they don’t close me off from genuinely hearing and appreciating other people’s. And nothing triggers me to the point of such impulsive judgment, that I momentarily unglue and contradict everything I stand for.

May December romances are in movies, television, books, and in real life – especially here in Los Angeles. And there’s a stigma attached to May December romance that sadly, I don’t think will ever go away.

In regard to a May December Romance…

Whatever appears to color outside the lines of what someone believes (especially if they are unable to evolve, uncomfortable in their own skin, unhappy, and/or are not solid in their own affairs) will always fertilize a very unnecessary and unfair level of judgment.

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One night stands are obviously something very personal – it’s a personal choice based on your personal values and beliefs. Some people have just had one, some have had a few, some do it often, some haven’t had a one night stand – yet, and others would never have one at all. I have respect for everyone’s beliefs, morals, values, and all religions. The purpose of this post is not to bring out the moral or judgemental police, nor is it about wanting to ignite a conversation that further dilutes something I personally think we can do a lot better at understanding (and not judging). I want to provide for you, everything that I wish was said to me about one night stands.

I think one night stands are very confusing, unnecessarily judged, and extremely contradictory. There are very few kinds of sex that have so many double standards and misconceptions associated with them.

On one end, they are depicted as these exciting, intense, passionate encounters that are romanticized in movies, books, and on television. On the other end, one night stands are viewed as desperate, immoral, slutty, and something that you should feel ashamed of doing. Regardless, both are not constructive. They are destructive.

Think about it – the walk of SHAME is most often described as what follows a one night stand. And because of all the contradictory elements, there’s a lot of information out there that just focuses on one end or the other. Which is fine, but I think that this kind of black-and-white analysis contaminates our perception of one night stands in a way that doesn’t serve anyone or anything – other than perpetuating some pretty ignorant stereotypes and assumptions.

So far in my life, I’ve had two one night stands. One was a literal one night stand and the other was a one night stand that turned into a relationship that lasted over a year. Looking back, both had a degree of shame associated with them. The shame sabotaged the relationship I had with myself, and in the case where it turned into a relationship, the other person.

Just like there are two different depictions of one night stands, there are two different reactions most people get when sharing their one night stand experiences. There’s either this frat bro, high-five “tell me everything” kind of slumber party cheerleading or… the listener realizes that this is a great opportunity to covertly place themselves on a moral, ethical, and psychological high horse. They do this by emotionally recoiling and being passively judgemental (even though, more often than not, these people have done things that are much more ethically and morally questionable than having a one night stand).

There’s no judgment here on PMS. Ever.

I used to think that a one night stand and dignity could never coexist.

I was wrong.

Whatever your beliefs are – if you are having one night stands or if you choose to have a one night stand in the future…

There is a way to go about it where your dignity remains intact, your emotions stay in reasonable line, your boundaries are respected, and you don’t fall off your white horse.

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