In light of the holidays, I wanted to discuss the best gift you could ever give yourself this holiday season, new year, and all year round: Cutting people off who make you question your worth, lower your standards, and feel terrible.
Whether it’s with friends, an ex, or even family… Cutting people off is one of the most difficult things to do. Especially if we love the person and realize that we miss them while still being in a relationship with them. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever missed someone while you were still in a relationship or some kind of one-sided communication with them? This usually happens when the other person has unfolded, revealed who they really are, and because of that, all of the toothpaste has left the tube. There’s no way to put it back in and your gut knows the truth. Being selectively deaf and blind to your instinct is no longer an option because it’s the only thing that you have left to trust.
As far as cutting people off goes, I’m never going to insult your intelligence and tell you the types of people that you need to cut off. Your gut can sense a toxic person and a toxic relationship. If you feel emotionally drained, abused, manipulated, terrible about yourself, devalued, deceived, hard to love and respect, or like you need to lower your standards to be in a relationship with someone… You should consider cutting them off because their patterns have handed you the scissors.
When it comes to cutting people off, patterns are the best compass as far as how to proceed. Words mean nothing without action backing them up. And just like actions supersede words, patterns supersede action.
Everything you ever wanted to know about cutting people off can be found by examining their patterns. Actions are great and all but remember… ANYONE can do something chivalrous. Anyone can book a flight, buy a ring, send flowers, write a card or physically show up. Anyone can be sorry, but do their patterns show and translate genuine remorse? Taking a mental step back and looking at the bigger picture, at their patterns, will help you separate the emotional nostalgia that’s tied to their actions from the TRUTH of their patterns.
When it comes to cutting people off, for me personally…
The moment someone stops making me want to be better or their patterns show that they don’t want the best for me, I cut them off. I always want to be around people who raise the bar, challenge me, motivate me, value me, and make me want to be a better person.
When their patterns dictate that their ego matters more to them than I do or ever will, I cut them off.
Sometimes you can’t physically cut someone off – You have to work with them, go to school with them, or even worse, you are related to them. You can still cut them off emotionally. By implementing healthy boundaries, you can disallow them from permeating to the point of depletion.
Sometimes it’s clear and more black and white but other times, it’s not so clear. It gets foggy because it’s life. You may have a history with this person, an abundance of misdirected empathy to over-excuse because of what they may be going through, misunderstandings, miscommunications, etc. With cutting people off, you never want to do it prematurely or in a way that gives them the upper hand to toxic/crazy label you.