“Should I stay friends with  my ex?” – a question I get asked a lot.

Welcome to the NO FRIEND ZONE, or as I like to refer to it, the title of Chapters 2-5 of my autobiography that chronicles my elementary, middle and high school years.

I don’t know why (and I am so guilty of this), its so.f-ing.comforting when after a breakup, inquiring friends and family come to you and say “I heard about the breakup…” and before they can even get another word in or ask you how you’re doing, you immediately reply “It’s okay. We’re still going to be friends.”

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I’ve dated men of all ages with highly specialized degrees, doctors, brilliant financiers, wall street types, philanthropists, dreamers, world travelers, real estate tycoons, volunteers, globe trotters, teachers; men that could pack their entire life up into a suitcase with 2 minutes notice and tour the world making and playing the most extraordinary music. High-school dropouts that were successful entrepreneurs, techies, Star Wars fanatics, Comic-Con nerds, cartoonists, poets, waiters, yogis, artists, models, athletes. You name it, I’ve gone out on a date with it.

It wasn’t until recently when I was talking to a girlfriend of mine over brunch that I realized how, over the last decade since my teens, I had essentially acquired a group small village of exes that all had amazing personalities, skills, inspiring talents and accomplishments. What was the problem? Why was I so unlucky?

“They’re obviously your exes for a reason though,” my girlfriend said.

And that’s when I had my Oprah, “AHA!!!” moment….

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One of the worst feelings in the world is when you take a flight and right when the plane hits the runway, you immediately turn your phone back on and…nothing. Not a single text or voicemail. No one wondering if you arrived safely, nada.

Last week, the complete opposite happened to me when I flew back into Los Angeles after a quick business trip. I landed, turned my phone on and had 19 texts and 2 voicemails all from the same person – my best girlfriend who I’ve known for 20+ years.

She noticed that her ex had unfollowed her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr and Pinterest (guys are on Pinterest??).

It was right out of one of those old western movies where the bad guys come and level the entire town in 15 seconds flat. This was a massive, rapid, drive-by unfollowing. She was in a complete freak-out-lockdown panic mode.

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“If you’re unable to love yourself and you never feel as though you’re good enough, just the way you are: understand that your depression, frustration, confusion and patterns are directly linked to your need to get others to make you feel like the one thing that you’re unable to make yourself feel – Loved.” – Natasha Adamo

I used to be unable to value and trust myself because I was always attracting relationsh*ts and situations where I was being used, rejected, disrespected, hurt & lied to.

“Why does everyone else have such amazing friendships and romantic partners?” I thought.

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Are you finding it impossible to get over your last big heartbreak?

Do you miss your ex?

Do you want to get back at your ex?

Do you hate where you’re at in life?

Do you feel stuck?

Welcome to PMS!

Remember that last stupid drama with your boyfriend/friends/family/work/school or whatever it was that consumed your thoughts? Do you want to just have the kind of coolness and carefree attitude that seems to come so annoyingly easy to everyone else?  Don’t you wish that you could just magically give zero f*cks about what everyone else thinks and continue on to be the most unapologetically confident and happiest person you know?

It doesn’t matter if you’re single, dating, in a relationship, married… whatever. You are always post some dude, post some relationship, post some kind of big love/lover/heartbreak/pain/loss/trauma/drama/broken friendship/douchebag, etc., that at best affected you and at worst took a bite out of your heart and self-esteem.

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