“My ex wants to be friends. What should I do?”
This is a question I get asked a lot.
It’s very comforting when after a breakup, friends and family come to you and say “I heard about the breakup…” and before they can even get another word in or ask you how you’re doing, you immediately reply “It’s okay. We’re still going to be friends.”
It’s like saying “Yeah, I know I was in the hospital, got awful food poisoning, almost died from eating sushi and crapped blood for 2 days straight, but it’s okay!! I’m going to try to just have a taste of sushi tonight. Just as an appetizer! No need to worry about me. I’m fine!”
I think that there are a lot of reasons why we hope for and work toward maintaining a friendship with our ex immediately following a breakup (no matter how poorly they treated us).
We don’t want to come across as weak, we don’t want to come across and immature and we’re not quite ready to completely cut everything off. It’s scary and it’s painful. We miss them and we would rather have them as a “friend,” than be alone and feel abandoned, again.
I felt pressure to be friends with exes in the past because I had a serious case of the disease to please. It was also very hard for me to say no. Being friends with an ex (especially an ex that consistently used and disrespected you), immediately following a breakup is impossible. Seriously. You need some emotional and physical distance. Continue Reading