One of the worst things after a breakup is having this instinctual knowingness that your ex sucks, is not right for you, is not capable of emotional availability, is not empathetic, and will never change but you still miss him more than ever. You ask yourself “why do I miss my boyfriend when I know that I deserve more?”
You can’t stop thinking about him. Your days have now gone from something resembling a life to this constant battle between your head, your heart, your libido, and your gut. Your gut knows, your heart “KNOWS,” your libido NEEDS and your head is just trying to keep up with which team to root for.
You’re in a self-imposed Groundhog Day nightmare of missing someone that you KNOW isn’t worthy of one millisecond of your time. Yet, you can’t stop thinking about him.
A recent conversation I had with a girlfriend made me rewind to the aftermath of the majority of my past breakups. No matter how much I knew that the relationship wasn’t worth it, I’d find myself wondering “why do I miss my boyfriend?” – whose only consistent behavior was being consistent at showing me that he was incapable of respect.
My girlfriend was in tears. She told me that she had been lied to, repeatedly cheated on, and made to feel as though she wasn’t enough while she was in the relationship. Her ex had recently broken up with her and in spite of the massive amounts of bullsh*t, guess what? She missed him anyway.
When I asked her what was making her cry the most, I was sure that she was going to start telling me that it was the cheating and then get into all of the details of the girl he cheated on her with. Nope. She wasn’t crying over the infidelity or the lies or the disloyalty or the embarrassment she felt.
“He was perfect for me, Natasha. I mean, our parents got along so well and we really would have had the cutest kids. I have this connection with his little sister and I am in love with his family. He’s so handsome and always made me laugh. We looked perfect together and now it’s over. He’s really a great guy. What am I going to do now?”
And that’s what you call a giant red flag. I thought that maybe in the midst of her crying, she misspoke. But then I remembered how I used to feel the very same way. I had no idea how to stop missing my ex long enough to have a rational and collected thought.
I got home that night and looked through my email inbox to see that my girlfriend and I are definitely not alone in the “I miss my boyfriend even though he’s toxic.” We’re in great company. There should be a 1-800-I-MISS-A-TOXIC-EX hotline, there’s so many of us. Continue Reading