Today I have the honor of once again, getting to introduce a very special guest post written by my dear friend Lorelle who many of you know from the comments here on PMS. Lorelle and I have never in person (she lives in Austrailia. More about her and how we met can be found on her first guest post here). The only 2 people who have ever written for PMS are Lorelle and my Mom. I have connected with and trust Lorelle more than I connect with and trust people I have known my entire life. How is that even possible? It’s possible because we attract what we exude.
This is a very special post for me because it deals with the one thing that we all struggle with, self love. It also addresses how to deal with the kind of pain and emptiness that can only be felt from suviving your own relational, spiritual, and emotional murder.
Self love and self-deception cannot coexist. The denominator of self-deception will always be tolerating deception from other people. And just like getting healthy requires cutting out unhealthy foods, the level of emotional health that’s needed to truly love yourself and have unconditional confidence, requires a lack of toleration for toxic people – including the toxicity of the cynical audience in your head.
The photo above was taken yesterday, just a few minutes after I read this post. I was feeling a little run down and this post was like emotional dialysis. I felt so light, recalibrated, refocused, and recharged after reading it.
Although this post may not completely silence that audience in your head or the toxic people you have to deal with, it shines a light so bright on their limitations that it activates your boundaries and resurrects the one person you’ve been mourning the loss of, wondering where he/she went… Yourself.
Lorelle, take it away my friend…
A few days ago, when visiting Sydney, I went to Watsons Bay to visit a famous lookout. It is a huge cliff that faces out to the Tasman sea. It stands tall, covered in grasses and smooth rock ledges, and plummets below to craggy rocks that sometimes are overwhelmed with the crashing waves and foaming waters that push full force in that huge cliff. This cliff is known as The Gap.
It is a truly beautiful sight, and with views that take you to the horizon on a clear day. It is also hauntingly sad in that it is an infamous suicide spot that has claimed many lives. People who in their darkest moment, have chosen to jump that massive cliff and plummet into what lies below. The last thing they will ever do.
I remember standing there and seeing some of the mementos left by loved ones for those who lost their lives there. Little engraved padlocks with messages and some photos and flowers. It is a humbling experience to be where others have been at their absolute lowest and to know this was their chosen last place to make a decision. That their future was deemed too hard and too painful to face, and so, this became their final resting place when they made that final choice.
But this post is not about suicide. It is about self love. You see, suicide doesn’t kill people…
Being unappreciated does.
Being lied to does.
Being played with does.
Being disappointed does.
Being disrespected does.
Being unloved does.
Being unrecognized does.
Being neglected does.
Being unnoticed does.
Being uncared for does.
And when these feelings become overwhelming, those who suffer want nothing more but to end that crushing, relentless pain. To make it go away.
To end it.
That is what drives people to make decisions that feel like that ‘gap’ inside them could be filled.
I have spoken about the Gap as a landmark, but I think it is also the perfect analogy to the gap we often feel within when we are feeling vulnerable and unloved. When we feel an emptiness and a hollowness inside that just seems to eat us up. We feel like shells. No life. No purpose. Just going through the motions of life, pretending to be ok, when inside, we are destitute.