The No Contact Rule is something that we are all familiar with post-breakup.

What is the No Contact Rule?

The No Contact Rule is defined as a set period of time in which you do not contact or respond to your ex whatsoever. It’s where you go radio silent.

You use the no contact period to grieve your relationship and as progress is built, you start to view your ex in the light of reality, as opposed to the filter of your triggers. Not every breakup requires that you go no contact, but I have found that it is always necessary to implement after the breakup of a toxic relationship with an ex who lacks boundaries.

Does the No Contact Rule work?

I think that the No Contact Rule is one of the most effective ways to level the playing field and regain your power after a breakup. Many resources online (literally) sell it as a way to get your ex back. I have two issues with this…

  1. If it takes someone having to lose you, to be honest with you, value you, and recognize your worth… the relationship is never going to work. Why reduce yourself to a set of car keys that someone only realizes how important and necessary they are only when they are lost?
  2. If you implement the No Contact Rule with your ex just to get him/her to react, freak out and want you back… you are essentially communicating with your actions that you are okay with your “soulmate” equating a lack of narcissistic control with genuinely desiring you.

I define the No Contact Rule as a way to resurrect your backbone, build unconditional confidence, win your breakup (without minimizing it to a game whatsoever), and attain classy revenge without having to disembark from the dignity, standards, and self-respect that you are working hard to rebuild. It is a direct flight to indifference and will solidify your One That Got Away status only if you do it right.

I hate referring to it as a “rule,” because it just adds to this stigma of feeling more like a formulaic prison sentence that has to be applied for some desired result, rather than what it truly is:

Something that anyone with a shred of dignity, unf*ckwithability, confidence, self-awareness, and self-love would naturally do.

The No Contact Rule is about making the decision to fold in light of having your own back; in spite of your libido, head, and heart being in a state of trigger. Your triggers will fear-monger you into believing that the person you are in no contact with is the sole supplier of your emotional oxygen.

They’re not.

Why is the No Contact Rule so effective?

Cutting contact allows you to create your own closure so that you can heal, deal, and regain control over your emotions. It allows you to process your feelings and ultimately decide how you want to proceed.

This isn’t about some “30/60/90-day plan,” or a certain formula. And it should never be about eliciting a reaction or being immature, hurtful, spiteful or mean.

The No Contact Rule is about choosing to fold after witnessing how someone has unfolded. It’s waving your white flag to all of their red ones.

And like I’ve said, going no contact is the best One That Got Away, white horse Jedi move you can ever make. You are gracefully accepting through your actions that this person cannot give you what you want and deserve – whether that be honesty, respect, consistency, maturity, answers, commitment, etc.

And as great as it all sounds…

Whether you’re the one implementing no contact or you’re on the receiving end of it – the No Contact Rule can also break your heart and mind f*ck you MORE than your actual breakup.

In the past, going no contact after a breakup made me obsess over and question everything to the point of emotional suicide. It was a nonstop tug-of-war. I exhausted everyone around me with a set of ears. And when I had nowhere to turn, I’d always humiliatingly return to the relationship graveyard at the expense of my dignity.

Nowadays, if I make the decision to cut contact with someone, I never feel bad about it because they handed me the scissors. I no longer base my worth on someone handing me scissors. That’s on them. What am I supposed to do with scissors? Put them in my pocket and risk further injury? Scissors are meant to cut – not to put in your pocket so you have a license to feel sorry for yourself or throwback in an attempt to cause pain. View people’s heartbreaking & disrespectful behavior as the gift that it is and always will be: Scissors to cut yourself OUT of their bullsh*t.

But still…

Whether it’s with an ex, a friend or a family member…

Being in no contact can provide a very fertile ground for you to act upon the normal fears and anxieties associated with cutting someone off who in many cases, you still see a future with.

  • You want your ex to know how much he/she has hurt you.
  • You want them to feel enough genuine remorse that they own up to what they really did and apologize.
  • You want them to realize what they’ve lost.
  • You want them to take accountability so that you can be friends again and possibly, eventually go back to the way it was.
  • You want to know that they haven’t forgotten about you.
  • You need affirmation that you aren’t as discardable as their actions/inactions and deceit have made you feel.
  • You don’t want to come across as immature or mean for implementing the No Contact Rule.
  • You want to know what to do because you’re in no contact and… your ex JUST TEXED YOU.

You want to know if you’re really even doing the right thing by implementing the No Contact Rule. 

So many wants and what-ifs.

It’s time to simplify.

What you need to know about going no contact with an ex…

How long should you implement the No Contact Rule?

There’s really no set amount of time. I’m still in no contact with people from years and years ago. I don’t make a concerted effort to not call them and I’m never thinking about it. I’m just living my life.

If you’re fresh off a breakup and you want to know how long to implement the No Contact Rule, understand that contact should only be re-established when you’ve healed and there is a genuine desire for reconciliation on the other person’s end (as opposed to panicking because they’ve lost their narcissistic air supply).

You should never telephonically, technologically or physically chase after anyone who participated in your dishonoring.

If you feel like communicating with your ex in any way would cost you or be a betrayal to your instinct… stay in no contact. The sky won’t fall. It boils down to whenever YOU feel good about it.

But what if my ex texts me? How do I respond if I’m implementing the No Contact Rule and they ask me a direct question?

If your ex reaches out to you, it can really mess with you and also be passively manipulative and down-right, selfishly cruel. Especially if you’re still dealing with the heartbreak and sense of loss associated with their absence. The best way to disable your triggers and make sense of what to do is to establish what kind of contact it really is.

There is a difference between selfish regret and genuine remorse. Not all contact from your ex is indicative of genuine remorse, wanting to reconcile or make things right on any level – even as friends.

After a breakup, you are at your most vulnerable. It can be really hard to discern if the contact from your ex is them throwing you crumbs or taking a step toward wanting to reconcile in any way, with consideration of your feelings and awareness of what they did.

Basically, any kind of contact from your ex that does not clearly communicate the intent to listen to you, to make things right (without knowing if you’ll even be open to it), to apologize and to reconcile is crumb throwing.

Examples of crumb throwing texts: “I’m sorry,” “I miss you,” “Hope that you’re doing well,” “Hi. Please let me know if you’re okay,” etc. I also have a huge problem with exclamation marks. Whenever you get a “hey!” or a “hi!!” it just reeks of disingenuous, “I’m-going-to-pretend-like-I’m-doing-well-and-keeping-the-convo-light-despite-the-fact-that-I-hurt-you-and-was-a-complete-piece-of-sh*t.”

The thing is, if you take your nerves/emotions out of the equation and examine it logically, NONE of these lame forms of chain-yanking express any genuine remorse or desire to work on making things right, taking a step forward, reconciling or awareness of what they did to cause to you to go all “No Contact Rule” on them.

Remember this: The No Contact Rule is a time for you to heal. It’s a time for your ex to experience the reality of your absence and the consequences of their actions, inactions, and decisions.

Hearing from you allows them to feel: 1) an ego boost 2) like you’re still an option 3) less guilty for what they did/didn’t do.

So how do I respond?

First of all, you don’t need to. If you get crumbs thrown your way in the name of a chain-yanking text and DO want to respond… Always be kind, polite and extremely short. End it. Don’t keep the conversation going.


It shows that you’re living your life, moving on and that you place a high value on yourself and your time. It also shows that it’s going to take more than a few indirect texts to be in communication with you. When you hold yourself in high regard, crumbs will never be able to validate you because you’re already validating yourself.

Your ex wanting to know how you’re doing, who you’re doing or what you’ve been up to makes no sense when they engaged in behavior and made decisions that caused a fracture in your relationship. And if you’re on your way and healing, their behavior during no contact can actually affirm why you want to remain in it.

If someone truly wants to make things right, reconcile and apologize, believe me when I say they will be empathetically direct about it and won’t stop at a few lame texts.

No contact is Hard… What if they think I’m being immature or rude?

First of all, there’s nothing rude or immature about cutting communication with someone who hurt you. In fact, it’s about the most mature thing that you can do and the surest way to command respect. You’re doing something that 99% of the population can’t (speaking with your actions).

If you’ve responded and kept your answers very short and closed-ended, keep in mind that there’s nothing rude about that at all. You are simply choosing to not engage in further bs communication so that your ex can feel like less of a sh*t.

A few years ago, an ex texted me that he missed me and that “life just wasn’t the same.” I took the bait and this is what I’ve learned along the way: Missing someone is not a precursor to wanting them back, being genuinely remorseful, wanting to apologize (first and foremost as a friend), wanting to reconcile, being selfless, and empathizing with you on any level.

Your ex made decisions in the relationship with you that came with the risk of losing you. Let them know through your silence and absence that you respect their decisions. And let them live with it.

When you choose to remain in contact with your ex in an effort to numb your fears and insecurities, you are basically communicating to your ex that he can find much better than you.

How? If you can’t walk away from someone who hurt you out of sheer self-love, boundaries, and knowingness of your value, then you are not someone worth having for more than a momentary doormatting session.

People don’t like an emotional challenge (that’s called playing games and it’s wrong). They like an intellectual one. This isn’t about game playing at all. It’s about not being desperate and setting your own standards. The right man/woman will appreciate it.

No matter what, always put yourself, your well-being and healing first.

Take good care of your heart and stop going back to an ex who has broken it before, by responding to crumb throwing, chain-yanking texts. This kind of communication is an insult to your intelligence and instinct.

Your disgust needs to outweigh your desperation.

Will applying the No Contact Rule make my ex realize what he/she has lost?

Who cares? Remember, If someone has to completely lose you to recognize your value, worth, and irreplaceability, that’s like adding insult to injury.

It will only flatter you if you suffer from low self-esteem.

Plus, you’ll never feel good about being with someone that you had to pull the communication plug on for them to “snap into shape.”

You’re not running an emotional daycare center.

There are PLENTY of adults in this world who can stand on both intellectual, emotional and empathetic feet. Take your focus off the emotional bed sh*tter that your ex has proven to be.

This isn’t about having a lack of experience in serious relationships, it’s about having a lack of honesty, empathy, respect, and humanity.

Don’t be so desperate that you derive value from orchestrating emotional operas.

Can we still be friends after no contact?

Slow down. IF friendship happens, it happens when you’ve both healed and they’ve proven to be worthy of and interested in genuine friendship. To give you some perspective, I’m good friends with only one of my exes.

I want my ex to know how wrong what they did was and how much it hurt me. Will implementing the No Contact Rule do this?

If you have to literally spell it out for someone to empathize with you, be honest with you and apologize…

HOW is that sexy? HOW can you respect that?

And without empathy or respect,

If you realize this, you will become the type pf person that exes lose their minds over.

Ultimately, you have to do what’s best for you. What will NEVER be best for you is engaging with anyone who can’t see your value. Not because you don’t have any, but because they can’t see their own.

Live your life, be kind and be your own best friend first.

x Natasha

P.S.  for my in-depth masterclass on THE NO CONTACT RULE, more information can be found here.


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Natasha! This is your best post EVER. Do you even know how many people you help around the world? You are a true healer and angel on this earth. I can’t wait for your book and show to come out!!!


My sentiments exactly Janice. Thanks Natasha.




I finally ended it but I still felt broken. Through prayers and your posts, I’ve come through the darkness and into light. Thank you! Stumbling on your blog helped me heal and to finally start the journey into loving myself.

Hi Imee 🙂 That makes me so happy to hear. I am honored to have helped. xoxo


Ok first a little back ground and then the horror story . My significant other the LOVE of My life passed away 2 years ago and at the wake shows up This huge apparently Sweet And understanding Guy who told me His significant other had passed away two days before . He was from our highschool so he wasnt a stranger but …. No offense to The good ones he was palestinian Christian. And a week later we were going out for walks And coffee And We were very attracted to each other snd spent The 3 most romántic months ever . He hid our relationship though from friends And FAMILY And Even made a one YEAR Mass for his edad significant other And shed tears And then came to My bed when it Ended I wasnt able to maje a Mass for mine because it felt wrong He then went to Palestine for 5 months And We talked for hours every DAY And he said he adored me And he asked me to wait for him but one week prior to coming to peru he called And said i dont want a serious relationship with You actually i may marry a palestinian at some point And he wanted to date I nearly passed out but I said to my self he Is being honest but I was destroyed I was so in LOVE but I decided to accept my ex boyfriends invitation to go visit him in scandinavia he was divorced And We had Puppy LOVE in school The palestinian he flipprd out and I got home after he did he lives with His mother hes an old man snd Also lives with His sister who are both very ill And possessive And I sent them gifts And they sent them back ALL The time. Anyway I was so in LOVE that I DID EVERYHING TO MAKE HIM HAPPY but he treated me worse And worse but he told everyone I was His woman . To end The story he would ask me to Cook for him And would never show up claiming his mother or sister with Cancer were sick no call Or anything begging for forgiveness once again The seventh time I complained so He choked me .I kicked him And he said i had to obey him . Another DAY he pressed on My Thumb so hard he BROKE The ligament because I was laughing too hard . He poned My arms bening My back snd said he would tame me And I gave him s back Luck And he fell to The floor He asked me for money several times And he still owed me so The NÉXT time he Stood me up To go out with His sister so I showed up at The cafe And told His sister he always asked me for money and I slapped him with ALL My might And Lodt it it jajajaja I Yelled in front of ecerybody Pay me My money And he did he had bills And Bills he owed me one thousand dollars And i tan out I m Now on DAY 36 of no contact. My sisters And friends never liked him because they said His smile was fake And had bad vibes like a dark side which he actually did Have LOVE Is an addiction And Its like getting off a drug Im strugglung Im crying but The good thing Is Im travelling And it helps soooooo much to get away Oh I blocked him and Now he eliminated me from ALL social media which has really helped me control my temptation to call him yes Im so addicted I want to talk to him DespIte everything but Ill keep on travelling Til The dic month no CONTACT Or Until Im BROKE jajajajaja


Thank you again for your words of genius. I’ve gone no contact with the guy who drove me to your blog to begin with, my best friend who I’m in love with. I miss him so much as there was empathy and love in our friendship, but I made the decision to stop reaching out so I can get over my feelings for him and work on myself after he made it clear he can’t give me what I want. It’s been hard as hell but this post gave me the exact encouragement I need.
Wishing you safe and happy travels ❤❤


Hi Vanessa! I’m happy that the post helped 🙂 Thank you for your love, support and for being a part of this tribe. It means everything to me. You aren’t alone in any of your feelings and what you are experiencing. Sending you big love sister. XOXO


Natasha, I can’t believe how much I’ve learned from you in such a short amount of time! Thank you so much for being brave enough to put your truth out there, I am endlessly grateful. Now, quickly finish up that book! Here’s just a sampling of the invaluable knowledge I’ve gained from PMS.

1. BOUNDARIES. ACT on them and you won’t feel the need to say much of anything. Because it’s already DONE. What’s left to talk about?
2. DO NOT TAKE CREDIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOR. What other people do or don’t do/say or don’t say is ALWAYS a window
into their mental state, NOT a mirror that reflects your value.
3. Corollary of the #2: I understand now why paying attention to actions is truly a gift – it provides important feedback and data that we should
process and use to decide which ACTION to take next that serves our emotional health. Others’ actions are not to be taken as some sort of
burden and/or responsibility that’s laid down at your feet to try to fix or change.
4. Women and men alike who master #1-3 have the seemingly magical power to validate themselves. Oh, sweet freedom!
5. Ladies, do not date the proverbial “puppy kicker” that Natasha aptly describes in a past post. It’s NOT an attractive quality no matter how
many other great traits he has. Nor one we could ever truly accept deep down.
6. CALM is a muthafrickin’ superpower. Provide no reaction as your chosen response and I can almost picture the so-called
f*cktards/narcissists/emotionally unavailables falling flat on their faces as they push against no opposing force. #whitehorse4lyfe
7. It’s okay to feel triggered, scared, insecure. Be aware of it, be curious about it, don’t hate yourself for it. There is a lesson to be learned no
matter the situation. Do not let the (overwhelming) pain blind you to this opportunity to get to know yourself. Otherwise, what was the
whole point of going through all that excruciating pain?
8. Feel your feelings. Embrace, even run towards them. I’ve found it has the ironic effect of dissipating its power over me. Let it come, and it
most certainly always passes. Natasha’s naming it a “pain contraction” is so, so spot on.
9. Look out for and take care of your younger self. In the short time that I’ve thought about and done this, I already feel a small, but very real
healing of old wounds and bolstering of my self-esteem.
10. Own your story and own yourself, flaws and all. For me, this was the most kick in the rear-end words I’ve read thus far on PMS – “We are all
suffering from a terminal condition. It’s called LIFE.” We’ve got lives to LIVE!


Very well written Amy I couldn’t have said it better! I loved this! I’m with you on all of that!


Thanks! We’re all in this together, so grateful for this community ?xo


Yes we are 🙂 Ditto! xoxo


Thanks Emily! 🙂 XOXO



I am crying the best kind of tears to cry – ones of immeasurable appreciation, gratitude and love for you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to write this and for being the light that you are to so many people. You are incredible.

All my love to you soul sister. Your comment inspired a post that I’m going to write soon.

Thank you. So much. xxxx


Natasha, your impact is boundless. Can’t wait for that post! xo




Beautiful words, Amy xx ?


Thanks, Lorelle. You too – always like reading what you have to say! xo


Eloquently written Natasha. Thanks again for helping us to heal. This was just what I needed today. Hope you are enjoying your travels and can’t wait for the book!! Xoxo


So happy it helped! Thanks Kathryn 🙂 xox


By far the best post you’ve written and I’ve read them all!!

“Your disgust factor needs to outweigh your desperation.”

YES!! Fight for your self. Fight for your life. Life isn’t supposed to be a series of cleaning up after “emotional bed shitters”. We can’t fix/ change anyone except ourselves. If I can do it, anyone can. Thank you for teaching us how to fight for the little girl inside of all of us that was abandoned/ abused in some way.



YAY! I’m so glad that you enjoyed this post just as much as I did writing it 🙂

I couldn’t agree more. I want to hug and high 5 you at the same time! Sending you love sister. XOXO


Brilliant post Natasha! Truly proud of you and cannot wait for your book already!

I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and 9 months and this fucktard cheated and chose someone else and in a relationship right now after the breakup. We had a plan to move to Canada together. Our application is still under process. Meanwhile we promised to hang in there and work hard to get a job and guess what he’s still jobless effin around while I worked my ass off and now I’m employed. I cut off all my contacts with him, blocked him everywhere, deleted his number. After a month he sends me an email saying this:
I am sending you this email because I need to tell you that I think about you every day.
I know things couldn’t possibly get any worse than they are right now. I do not want or expect anything.
I really truly loved you, I still care about you more than anything and I am sorry for all the hurt I have caused you.
I was serious but it was all too much for me at once.
I know your PR application to Canada meant so much to you.
I am just letting you know about 2-3weeks ago I got an invitation to apply.
I got my police certificates, need to get my references, and doing my medical test today. All of which cost a shitload of money.
I most likely will submit everything this week, even if I have til November.
I do not know if you got any news from application. Like you said with your work you can probably work there if you wanted to.
I do not know if I will go there now. We had a plan but I fucked it up. It’s all out the window.
I do not know if I will go there in the end even if selected but being so far in the application process and paying so much money I am going to complete the process just because of a ”what if” scenario.
I do not know what life has in store.
I did want to go for better life/work opportunities, but whatever I do I see things that remind me of us.
If they ask me to go I’ll have to stay 2 years in a row then at least half of the following 4 years.
Anyway just wanted to let you know of the above.

That was his email and I didn’t reply. My mind is messed up cuz after reading your post this piece of sh*t email is basically that he is throwing crumbs!
I don’t know what to do, should I keep doing the no contact or shall I send him a short message that Im moving on?
Need your advice.


Hi Louis! Thank you 🙂 Happy that the post served you!

I can’t give advice in the comments section – I wish that I had more hands to type and hours in the day. I would also need more details. However, based just on the info you gave, I would ignore. I know it’s hard. You’re not alone. xx


Wow, this post is so timely!

My ex broke up with me back in April citing “not having time”, needing to “work on himself” and “not being sure if I’m meant to be with anyone” because of supposed scarring from his parents’ divorce. Less than two months later, the day before my birthday, he posted explicit photos of he and a girl with heart emojis to his Instagram story. I was destroyed, thinking to myself “He has time, I’m just not worth it…she must be 10x more amazing than me…he found someone to be honest and open with and loyal to…what’s wrong with me?”…etc. I was so hurt but I didn’t react at all. I didn’t message, comment, or text him about it. He texted me the next day wishing me happy birthday and I said thank you and then asked him to please my contact me again. I immediately deleted and blocked his number. It was hard, but I KNEW it was for the better. I felt so guilty and lost and was looking for answers when I found this blog and learned about “no contact” and that I had done the right thing. It was so proud of myself for implementing this rule out of instinct and sticking to it. I also avoided looking at his Instagram as well as the girl’s which was SO HARD, but worth every bit of strength I have gained.

A few days ago, I received a DM request from a seemingly fake Instagram page. Although there was no profile picture, I recognized the handle and went back into my archives to discover that this user had been liking photos of mine since the day after my birthday. It was my ex. He revealed himself in this crumb message basically saying that he knows that I know I’m better off without him, that he knows I’m better off without him, and that he hopes I continue to be better off without him (ha,
I am and I will.) At first I wasnt sure about replying it not, but after checking in with my tribe they reminded me that he has not changed and that no maturity, apology, or friendship would come from responding. I left him on read and feel prouder, stronger, and more confident than ever because I KNOW I have my own back.

Natasha, everything you say is so spot on. Thank you thank you THANK YOU a thousand times over. You have affirmed to many of my instincts and taught me so much through your writing. I can’t wait to. It your book!

Much love <3


Hi Adera!

I cannot thank you enough for sharing. You are exactly right – this isn’t a “rule” that needs to be implemented. It’s instinctual; the oldest and wisest part of your soul speaking to you.

I know how hard it is (and how impossible it seems), when you’re entrenched in it, but WOW. I am in awe of and so inspired by you. You did the right thing and the DM thing (lol) is indicative of the power that speaking with your actions will always have.

YES!!! You did the right thing! No need to respond to that.

Thank YOU – for the love, support, sisterhood and just for being you. Sending you big love and hugs. xx


Thankyou Natasha..I’m 4 months into a break up and still suffering terribly..obsessing over him and the gut wrenching anxiety tha maybe he has someone else.
Your posts give me strength and hope xx


It is my pleasure. You’re not alone Lara. XOXO


No contact is super hard, it takes a lot of courage and it is very scary cos you know that this is it, there’s no way back and that makes you question if that’s the right decision because what if he changes, what if he needs time, what if you try harder because you already invested so much time and you are addicted to him… people are either ready for commitment or not, those who are ready will become your boyfriend within 2-3 months , those who are a waste of time, users, toxic ppl, future fakers, blaming everyone else victims will never be ready because they don’t want to be ready. They always have excuses and can’t see past their nose so they should be cut. Because they are comfortable with what they are doing and who they are. If they text you during no contact they either are bored, looking for ego stroke or a shag. If they are with sb new they get exactly same shitty treatment like you did and their relationship will never go anywhere because that’s the way they are. The hardest part is actually to realise that there’s no point in fighting for sth that is a waste of time because we don’t like giving up and feeling like we failed and it’s our fault something didn’t work out. Unless you get rid of the crappy guy you will never meet someone who will be happy to be with you and if you still think abt shitty ex would you really like to be with someone who was disrespecting you, making you insecure and unhappy for next 40 years ?


Yep! xoxo


Once again, you post the right thing at the right time for me. Cannot thank you enough for everything you do for us! I hope you know what a positive thing your blog has been in my life the past year and a half. I also love reading the comments on each post, such a wonderful community you have on PMS.

Much love to you always! xx


Hi Justine! I’m so happy it helped! 🙂 Thank YOU for the love, support, for being a part of this tribe and for being the light that you are. I’m honored to have helped. You’re never alone <3 Right back at you sister! Sending you so much love. xxxx


Hi Natasha. I find it so amazing that you post the perfect words and lessons when I’m at such a low point. It is truly a comfort. I am going on month three of no contact. Yesterday was extremely painful. I cried a lot and today as well. I read your words twice today and I’m grateful for them. I miss him so much. Although no contact is the right thing sometimes I feel so lonely and alone. The quiet reinforces my pain most days. I tend to think I should have been more for him and he would still be with me but then I remember that emotionally unavailable men make their choices to abandon no matter what you give them. I gave him my whole heart and love. There is nothing else and now I give him no contact as he wanted so he could “know the pain of being without me”. I have my doubts about that. One thing is that I have not called or texted him once since July. The pain cuts like a knife but this blog and thus tribe give me strength. Thank you all. Natasha I can’t wait for your book? Thank you for your words. You helped me today. ? Take care.


Linda, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m so happy that the post served you and believe me when I say, I know how hard it is. You are supported, loved and never alone in this. Love you soul sis. XOXO


Hang in there. Three months? You rock1 Keep going, the worst is behind you. The best is in front of you!


Couldn’t agree more! xo



I’m curious to know how this situation turned out; almost 2 years later.


Hi Natasha, This is amazing ! I love your writing. I feel my strength increase every time I read your posts. Thank you ? Please let me know if you have any meal ideas, you typed a post about your smoothie diet last year and I’ve continued to take it nearly every day since. It’s been a god send ❤️ Xxxxx


Hi Jules!

It was, is and will always be my pleasure! I’m glad that the post served you and I definitely will let you know! That’s a great idea for a post/video 🙂 Thank you so much for being a part of this tribe and for being YOU.

So happy you like the smoothie! xxx


Thanks for the post. My ex texted me less than three months after our breakup to tell me he’s engaged now. He got together with her three weeks after we split. I never replied as I was in no contact. Sometimes guilt creeps in that I should congratulate him or something then I realise it was just chain yanking.


Good work, Millie. No one falls in love and gets engaged in three weeks. Especially after breaking up. There will be more tears and sadness for her than champagne and happiness. You’re the one that got away, baby girl! Yeah, ignore those texts and remember who you are: a girl way too good for him XX ??


Yep. Agreed! 🙂 Love you Lorelle. xx


Thanks Lorelle and Natasha – being part of a tribe really helps. Xo


It sure does 🙂 xx


Happy that the post helped! Thanks for the support and for sharing Millie. You did the right thing! XO


Three months?! Please, it’s infatuation not love. Good luck to her in three years.
You won, Karma will come around. Keep your chin up!


Sometimes I come here and read things that just leave me speechless. This is one of them. Read this days ago. Now I’m commenting.

This no contact thing was hard for me.
He would text out of the blue and I always let myself believe it would be different.
This time.
But there were so many times that ironically nothing changed or evolved over 2 and a half years at all, although my self esteem whithered. ?

Looking back, I was the ultimate ego boost to him. One crumb and I was there.
“I think about you everyday”
“You good?”
”I miss you”
“I just wanted to say hello”
These kinds of crumbs….

I can see all he really wanted was an ego boost. To know I was still there. Still hooked. Still willing to dance the steps in the cat and mouse jig we had been performing. As soon as he got his fix, he would go cold on me and it would become another chapter of heartbreak.

But despite my falls, fails and attempts to move on completely, there was a lot of healing going on. I didn’t really notice it at the time but months later, I reached the sweet spot of feeling indifferent towards him.
I got rid of all the ways he could have contacted me, and finally quit stalking his Facebook!

I actually felt so at peace. The drama, pain, rejection and games were gone. Peace. Self love. Dignity replaced all of the heartache and rejection.

But I think something else happens when you become indifferent too. It shoots a comet of energy out there that your ex can feel. It’s like the change in the air when a season is beginning to turn into another. You can just sense things are not the same. In subtle ways at first, but it’s tangible.

I’m so grateful. It’s a beautiful feeling. To reach indifference. Powerful and liberating. A clean and healthy energy.

This is a beautiful post, Natasha. It was this blog that got me through that heartache too. I read post after post and it was like watering a thirsty plant. So healing and real food for the soul. When I first found this blog I stayed up so late and couldn’t stop reading. I knew I was on the right track and indeed, I did find my white horse during my journey.

Reading this just makes me feel so grateful and happy because I’ve succeeded at it and learnt many important lessons from it. It doesn’t matter if you fall. Just get back up. You might think you have failed but you just stumbled.

Love you, Natasha. ?


Hey Lorelle – Your ex and my ex should get together and go bowling… I love seeing that you are at the apathetic stage – it is so freeing and amazing to finally achieve it. I am close, i think. More good days than bad at least. “It’s like the change in the air when a season is beginning to turn into another” perfect simile ! I got the same texts as you and i so wanted them to mean more than they did. I realized that was pretty much our whole relationship – me wanting him to feel more, connect more, empathize more, commit more. i was always left feeling not good enough because he wasn’t available. And i craved validation so much. So i finally stopped responding and really worked on healing. Then he said he would show up at my house to make sure i was ok, i told him that he had to stop contacting me, that its time to let it go. Its been over a month now. So the next time he contacts me, and i know he will, i hope to be indifferent. Natasha’s post is very timely as per usual! Take care of you, much love <3


Can a few of my exes join in on the bowling? So proud of you Lori – you are believed in, loved and supported.

Indifference WILL come.

Love, value and appreciate you and Lorelle so much. XO


Hello ladies,

The bowling thing really had me laughing and it’s even more ironic in my situation. I haven’t seen this person since June and, a couple of weeks ago, out of the blue, he sends me this very short film of him, at BOWLING. No hello, no hi, no nothing. That was followed by a photo of him and at that point I really didn’t know what was going on but my intuition said something was fishy. And it really was, because later on he informed me he was coming over to my town for business ( our “situationship” was long distance) so basically he was paving his way for getting some fast benefits ( which I used to deliver in the past buuuut… lesson learned).
I cannot wait for the morning when I will wake up and he will no longer be the first thing on my mind. At this stage I truly believe that indifference will be a true blessing and the ultimate liberation from what I put myself through for almost 2 years. And I cannot wait to have my piece of mind back.
No contact definitely is the best thing to do. For me it is because I feel like every time I used to respond, I was exposing myself. Probably it’s a form of emotional survival instinct but it will be ok, I will be ok and we will all be ok at some point. The thing is I still have feelings for this person but feelings, like everything else, are temporary and they will fade away when I/we truly decide to let go of them.
Thank you, ladies! For sharing your experiences, for making me know I’m really not alone in this. Thank you, Natasha, for your brilliant work and lucidity ( such a gift in this twisted world)!

Erin! that is awesome!! i laughed at my desk that you got a video of him bowling. The lengths they will go to… Our intuition is invaluable. Glad you listened to yourself! You are not alone at all in looking forward to the Day of Indifference. You will get there, we all will. This blog is a blessing, isn’t it? I adore the commenters and readers almost as much as Natasha – she is a godsend!

Me too! I laughed out loud. Thank you so much Lori <3 I feel the same way about you and everyone in this tribe 🙂 xx


I literally LOL’d at the bowling video hahahahah

I agree – no contact; speaking with your actions is best <3 You are loved, supported and believed in. You WILL get through this and you're not alone.

It's my pleasure 🙂 I'm so happy to help!



Oh hi Lori, I laughed about the bowling comment. Lol absolutely !

You should reward yourself for each month of no contact. It’s an anniversary to be celebrated, and it’s all about you achieving self empowerment and that amazing feeling of indifference. Know too, that you cannot love someone who isn’t able to be emotionally available. Although we have our own issues to deal with (we all do) part of that for us is choosing someone who can never love us anyway.

I’m so glad you’re having more good days than bad. That’s a sign you’re on the right track and you are strong.
You have said all the right things to your ex and it’s truly something he has to live with. Alone. Without you.

Thanks so much for your words. Made me smile. And you’re doing an awesome job of being true to yourself.
Keep nurturing yourself and you’ll heal even faster. Things like fresh flowers in your home and a new lipstick add colour and beauty to your daily life. Little treats that make you feel good. That you deserve and the sense of self love ( that you’re worth it) grows. We often feel very unlovable after these relationsh*ts end. Being kind to yourself really helps turn that around.

Much love to you, Lori. ❤️ Hugs and stay away from all bowling venues ?



Thanks, Lorelle!! I love reading your thoughts – so much love and light to people. Its heartwarming. 🙂

Agreed! 🙂

Lori! Just a shout out to you, too.
I am in the same boat, hoping for the same thing – indifference. But even in one week I feel better.
I want to send hugs to you, sending you strength and peace and am so glad after 2 years it is time for you first!
Keep going, you got this!


I love this and could not agree more 🙂 x


Could not have said it any better! Lorelle, you are not alone. I fed off the crumbs and as Natasha says “thinking it was a loaf”. Men like this are narcissistic and need an ego boost. KEEP GOING! <3


Yep! Woman can be like this too. Could not agree more. Thanks Andrea! 🙂 XO


I love you too Lorelle. You have such a gift with words and are able to convey the exact emotions we feel in the most assessable, compassionate and empathetic way.

This brought me to tears. Thank you for bringing more light, love and healing than you’ll ever know. xxxx



Wow! So well said. Thank you for writing this.
I am in the same exact situation. This was my first week of being DONE and going no contact with someone I work with still.
I feel in control now. I have the power over me.
I stay on my side of the building, no more chasing. No more reaction. No more seeking validation. I waved the white flag and have accepted
I “lost” and now I just feel at peace. I am no longer available to what is unavailable.

Thank you Natasha for this blog. You have helped me so much and given me so much strength xox


You kill me Natasha….”we are not running an emotional daycare” Love it xo


HAHAH 🙂 Thanks Melissa!


Your blog is so awesome – thank you!
I’ve read several of your posts, my situation is that I’m ready to set my boundaries and have no contact with someone who has hurt me twice and needs to figure his shit out and get back to me when he’s done so and treats me better, but I’m not holding out for that happening!
But this week is the first time where I’ll see him and need to ACT on this rule, thank you for reminding me that being all talk and no action is not going to get me anywhere here. I’ve already asked for no contact through text, calls, etc. and that’s still going fine, but being in an environment where I see him a few times a week is a lot tougher.
I feel like I have this blog to look to, and I have two very supportive friends who are my “sponsors”, because I am a bit like an addict with this person who is just not good for me and needs to shape up (and I need to shape up too, to stand my ground).
He’s crossed my boundaries twice. The first time I thought, shame on you! And the second, well, shame on me!
But I feel like my task is to somehow have grace, composure, even be kind, but keep up my protective sphere and not give any ground to a person who I’d give an inch to and he’d try and take a mile. I can’t put up with that I know.
So thanks for your blog again because it’s inspiring me to take action and be strong. It’s so damn hard!!!!


Hi Sasha!

Thank you so much for taking the time to share and for being a part of this tribe 🙂 I’m honored to have helped! You got this!

Just remember that you are loved, supported, understood, believed in and never, EVER alone.

All my love to you. XOX


Yay, I like this tribe so much! Love back!!!

I did want to share that I got through the week. I was very graceful somehow! & it made me feel powerful and kind of awesome. I was really impressed that putting up boundaries didn’t require me to have to be harsh, I was able to be kind yet firm, and that didn’t require too many words after all.

I’ve somehow managed to not “hide” in our shared workplace environment, because that would be so wrong and unfair to me, yet also somewhat naturally avoid in order to minimize contact, and in those moments where it was inevitable I got through that too, with minimal eye contact – just not giving much of myself to hold on to. Not an extra smile or extra eye contact. 🙂

It is HARD. But the self respect is so worth it. I feel like I have you and this wonderful community to thank for that! And my great friends who are my sponsors! Lol! Anyway, we all have got this! No, I’m not alone, none of us are alone. Thank you so much for reminding me of that!

Thank you for your blog again! I’ll be revisiting these posts every week in order to stay strong.

Thank you thank you!! Much love to you! And to the tribe! Xoxoxo,


YES! I love it 🙂 So proud of and happy for you sister. Thank you for sharing and for being a part of this tribe. You got this! XX


Dear Natasha,
I’m on the other side of the fence. After 15 years of relationship, I fell for another man, confessed (and left him for the biggest doucheb*g on the planet). There were resentful arguments for two months, then things turned out… peaceful. Strange, I was the one leaving and I’ve been hurting as if I cheated myself, falling into a deep spiral layered with guilt, shame, loneliness, lack of self esteem, no confidence because of my poor judgement, you name it. A few months later, here comes another man. He’s caring, patient, an evolved human being. And here comes my ex again. Some memory-related texts, sweet but not cheesy, and a phone call where he tells me about his summer adventures, asks about mine, realizes that there’s someone in my life and asks me to cut off lo let me live the new relationship. But you are part of me, I said, whether I hear from you or I don’t. I try to rebuild my life on the emotional debris and perpetual doubts: is my ex really ready to stay with me or is this just a sick play? Why can’t I remember the real reason that made me feel unsatisfied? What about this new man (whom I always tell the truth, including the fog numbing my brain because I haven’t really had time to heal…). This message is to say thank you, Natasha. You give us perspective. Truth is, when you’ve been hurt you can blame someone else until you set yourself free, while when you’re the evil human being you can only blame yourself and there’s no way you can use the no contact rule against your brain. With love <3 V.


I’m happy to help! Thank you V! xo


Wow! This is brilliant.. wish I had this knowledge three months ago.. “could” have prevented a lot of pain that I caused on myself. Then again I’m not sure I was strong enough at the time to actually stay true to my boundaries and no contact. But knowledge is power and today I know better. I hope I can utilize this advice and so much of your other wisdom shared on this blog in the future. Thank you!


Happy it helped! 🙂 Be easy on and forgive yourself – use what you know now moving forward. Thanks for the love and for being a part of this tribe Natasha! xo


I hope someone sees this and reads this and shares a response. Im so confused and worried questioning if Im doing the right thing. I had to come back here today and reread “no contact rule” to try and remind and help me remind myself that Köt you are doing the right thing…. internally im freaking out. I came across your blog october 13th i have read every post since then printed out, post it some and re read many you have been my therapy this has been my therapy. but im aching today… October 1st I left his house with the intent I wasnt going back gathered all my things even asked him to help me cause I wanted him to really feel my exit this time. I had had it that night prior to waking up his “ex”(they were off and on for 20yrs since he was 17) called back to back THIS time at 6am. the night before it was 3am. and multiple times before in that past month 1am 2am 3am 6am phone calls I took them he never answered either he be knocked out so hard sleep or he end the calls but every time it was like whyyyyyyyyy is she calling but I never asked cause my mind was like “Köt you are here w him he is with you he isnt answering her calls dont trip” but after a month i couldnt take it anymore this sunday morning. he asked “what is wrong with you” and i sd “you know whats wrong with me and i dont know why you think its ok that she is doing this” and his response was “we are just friends she isnt thinking about you she calls when she is bored” and i respond “all hours off the night? its inconsiderate and disrespectful” and he sd “its my phone” and thats when i got up and began packing my stuff and we had few words, why are you leaving but nothing that made me want to hear him out and stay. that night i posted on my snap my Lasagne he snap me saying “you petty” i did not respond. next day he text “hi still being petty” i responded “takes one to know one”. the next day he DM’d me on IG a cute lil video and followed it up with a “still being petty” so i asked “what am i being petty about” i got no response. later that day he posts on his snap him and his ex’s daughter(not his child), which automatically lets me know ok he went to visit them. before even coming across this blog I sd to my self ok you cant respond to him anymore. fast forward to that friday he texts “can i cook the frozen tilapia that you left?” i instantly broil i freak out like this is your reach out im not even thinking about the food in your freezer. but i do not respond. and put his texts on “read” which i have never ever done for anyone before. a hour later he texts “oh ok still being petty” i dont respond. two wks have gone by nothing until this past Sunday but his reach out isnt to me its to my daughter, shes 17, he snap chats her, asking “is your mom ok. shes done with me does the fml emoji explains to her what happened that day and sd he realizes that i hurt her” my daughter simply says to him let her know you are thinking of her and apologize to her for what you have done and how you handled things. he says no more. my daughter shares with me that night when i come home what happened. last night he reached out to me he doesnt get home from work til midnight i received “song texts” two songs. at 1:20am “You by Majid Jordan” and at 1:29am “What You Do to Me” I saw that he text when I woke this morning, I prayed before opening them and just asked God please dont let this effect my day cause I am truly trying to stay on my unicorn. these songs made me cry. 1. because he isnt a softy and yes this pulled my heart strings. 2. he has never done anything like this like on this emotional level. 3. but because of that i cant tell if its crumbs. 🙁 as me and my daughter were getting ready this morning i told her and she asked did i respond and i didnt. and i still havent.she sd how do you feel i sd idk cause i have never done no contact before, but i also know he isnt a softy so for him to do this and the lyrics like speak for him idk idk how i feel i know he loves me i never doubt that its been 4yrs, its just shit like this ex and what is ok sometimes is like the two of them are too comfortable and its dysfunctional and like dependent and i know my boundaries couldnt take it anymore ILL BE HONEST she makes me insecure and he doesnt help with the weird whatever it is that they truly have makes me insecure too. so my daughter suggest why dont you just “love”the texts and be like so what does this mean. and i just said to her because I shouldnt still have to question it.
AM I WRONG??? SHOULD I HAVE RESPONDED THIS MORNING??? SHOULD I HAVE ASKED WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? or Am I doing the right thing by trying to stay on my white horse and just not respond to even this because its just lyrics someone else speaking for him, cause im still questioning is he trying to make things right? reconcile? he hasnt apologized? right???

im aching im still confused im writing cause i cant text him and i need to release im asking all this because i want to respond with action not reaction ugh.


Hi, you don’t know me at all but I feel like I care more abot you than this f*cktard you are dating. Yes, the songs are crumbs. It’s not just outside perspective giving me this 20/20 clarity. I was inlove with a f*cktard too. One of my friends said to me why do you make excuses for his behavior and actions when you would never dream of acting that way yourself? If you acted that way would you expect him to make excuses for you? No, you would expect him to drop you like a hot potato and find someone who didn’t act that way. He is soo emotionally immature he can’t even use his own words to apologize to you. He had to use someone else’s songs. If the roles were completely reversed and you were doing everything he is doing to you would you apologize thru song? Would you expect him to text you back? No, no you would not. He does not respect you or he would cut the ex off just for the simple fact that when you love someone you compromise and you don’t do anything that makes them feel disrespected or devalued. You would not treat him the way he has and is treating you so why do you put up with it? He has not changed at all. He hasn’t cut the ex off and he can’t even apologize to you. He is the one being petty. Posting pics trying to make you jealous and going thru your 17 year old daughter, really? That is pathetic and you know it.Trust your gut. You packed your things with the intention of never going back. You know you should stick to no contact. Do it. Block him on Snapchat. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing you see his snaps. Find someone who deserves and appreciates you. And who would drop their ex in a second when they get wind it makes you feel uncomfortable. Yes, they are out there. Go find them.


Thank you soooooo Alyssa thank you I needed to read this and I so appreciate your response. Thank you. Im just now coming back here to see if anyone responded. but I will share you are right about your entire response. But I did end up texting back a response to him Friday night. I simply said i needed some time to discern what the songs truly meant coming from him because I didnt want to respond asking questions, I also sd forgive me for not understanding clearly what his intent it that he was trying to communicate through the songs because the lyrics paint a clear picture that he wants to be with the girl he is singing about there is no questions or doubts. i shared that i had been too good to him to continue on to accept the things that he allows. and that i am finally taking my clearance tag off because i do realize i have a higher value than that and that i am worth more than this. i did get a lil soft and sd these songs did mean something to me coming from you but it also made me realize that you know i have been a good woman and to you. but the songs actually made me desire someone truly feeling that exact passion and love that he is singing about and you dont make me feel like you really want to make this work and not allow certain things to happen that effects our relationship. and i sd so if you are not really ready to be in a relationship with me then thats fine and thats cool go on and continue to do you because im done feeling like im not good enough “almost” or that i have to accept what you allow from your ex. his response was just the 100 emoji with the word respect. i did not respond. i had mixed emotions about his response but at the same time me stating if he isnt ready just do you. each day Alyssa im getting a lil better and doing the daily things i need to heal and love on myself and i just pray and hope it continues to just get better. thank you again for your kind words i still needed them and i receive them. xo.


How do you implement the no contact rule when you work together? I love your site. I wish I would’ve found it years ago. It is changing my life.


Hi Alyssa! I wish that I had the time to advise in the comments section. Hope this helps XOXO


For the first time in two weeks of no contact, I’m kinda proud to say that.. I don’t feel like going to his Instagram profile/checking his last seen anymore. Wow. Just wow.


YES!!!! Isn’t that the best feeling? You go girl. XOXO


My boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up two weeks ago after 4 years of dating. Neither he nor I has ever been married, although I have had longer long term relationships than he. He’s 62, I’m 52. The relationship was almost solely based on his likes (restaurant we both loved but for him had to go there more than I liked). He didn’t like to travel (either by car or plane so luckily I have a group of girls to go on vacation with each year). We went to the wine country on Long Island twice in the 4 years we dated (the most he would be away with me for was 2 nights). The “issue” of commitment, particularly “marriage” has come up numerous times during our relationship with him finally admitting to “never wanting to get married”. I understand that this might be the case for a man who was never married or even in long term relationships other than this one, but to not want to live together at some point just seems strange to me. It’s not something I/we could have done anyway right now. My mom lives with me and is elderly. However, when we first dating, he did bring up living together at some point. Everyone, including my mom said”You have to accept him for who he is if you can’t, you have to move on” I had broken up with him in June of 2016 for the same reasons: didn’t want to travel, didn’t want to spend more time (We saw each other once during the week and EVERY Saturday night (he also stayed over that night) and then he was out the door every Sunday morning doing his stuff (tennis or basketball). I know he is a bit of a loner and most likely doesn’t want to lose his independence. I like my alone time and friend time as well, but he would not waver. Very rarely did we spend a Sunday or holiday weekend together.. only one or two days if it was a long weekend. He is an attorney with his own practice and had a lot of business functions to attend to. He is a very funny guy. Always is a good mood,, joking with everyone. Always made me laugh and others laugh. Everyone thought we looked so happy all the time when we were together. He called me after 6 weeks of NC last July and wanted to get together for dinner. I agreed,only if he was going to compromise on things. He said he would and stated that he would consider travelling on a plane with me and seeing me more on Sundays. In the next year that followed, this was not the case and I finally found myself “not Happy” once again and told him this two weeks ago. I said I didn’t want to settle and felt that I was doing that with him. I do love him and care about him, but I know he is not going to change . . for me or anyone. He is 62 and set in his ways. He says now that he doesn’t know if he can ever live with anyone, but previously that was a carot that he dangled. He kept saying he has spent more time with me, called me more and saw me more consistently than any other woman he has every dated and I believe him.
We did end amicably, but he was the one who was happy in the relationship. I said to him “Of course you are, because it’s all about you. Anyway it’s been two weeks. He called me last week because he owes me money for a concert I paid for and I texted him the information he needed and that was that. I do want to hear from him and that he misses me and that he will change but I know that he won’t.


I am trying to shake today off. I have been doing so good for 2 weeks with no contact.
I work with him. A week ago he texted me he would have the window to my office fixed, since I put a work order in.
I did not respond. Well, it was fixed so I sent him a “thank you for having the window fixed”.
Of course ZERO response from him! Not even a ” You’re welcome”.
I felt like a thank you email was appropriate, now I am kicking myself!
See how this dynamic has caused me such angst and rejection?!
I unravel because I am so used to his rejecting me, his hot and cold. A year and a half of this.
So now I am back at DAY ONE of no contact.
I just had to vent, thank you if anyone actually reads this xox


Hi Catherine! Don’t worry about it and beat yourself up! It’s okay 🙂 We are all behind you 1000%. You got this! XO


Thank you. I am looking forward to reading your book.


XOXO 🙂 Thanks Catherine!


What should I️ I️ if I️ already made a fool out of myself by reaching out a couple times?


I am probably much older than most here, but I I needed to read this today. I divorced decades ago, raised my son and led a great, single life. I dated, had relationships etc. Then, at 54 years old, I fell in love for the very first time in my life. The real thing, or so I thought for two years. We met when he was just ending his 29 year marriage from hell. Typical mistake, we fell too hard and way too fast. Everything was wonderful, we moved in together soon and lived and loved and laughed. Right up until two months ago. I went to bed happy and woke up to “I need a break”. He looked like he was dying. He said he loved me but he just wasn’t ready for me. I moved out that day. After several email and face to face conversations that involved a lot of “I love you but I need the experiences you have had…I need to date around…I need to know if I can trust my feelings…I love you but it just cant be right now…I said “Good-bye”
and now, two months later, I am still so very sad. Getting better but at my age, and living in a small town, I know that finding the kind of happiness we had is very slim chance. Its hard to let go because I do believe he just freaked out and needs to see what single life is all about. He is terrified of going through another failed relationship (althought what the hell was this). The feeling of he might come back is always there and i want that feeling GONE.
Never thought this is where I would be at this point in my life…


You are supported and never alone Jana <3 xo


I’ve been going through so much emotional trauma after my relationship of 3 years ended 7 months ago. He cheated, had a sidepiece, violated, and broke my heart. I did well in the summer but I run into him at school all the time. We already had “casual sex” 3 times, resulting in me crying and obsessing for days and silence on his end. I hear from him again when he wants to have sex, but he always starts the convo by asking me how I’ve been and this his mom misses me and so does he. I feel like he traps me emotionally, we f*ck, and then he disappears. I know I deserve the world but I keep thinking time will mature him and make things better but he always just wants one thing. I miss him and who we used to be and I can’t get over him as pathetic as all this sounds..


Hi Lea, I know it’s hard. Keep coming back here to the blog and just know that you’re never alone in this. Don’t engage in anything that costs you your dignity. We all believe in and love you. Thanks for being a part of this tribe. XO


Not pathetic, we’ve all been there. We’ve all lost our dignity at one time, so chin up.
I think someday if you are able to tell him no, that will empower you, and you’ll start getting your confidence back from there.
I really struggled for 3 months, but there is a kind of power in letting go, and after crying for so long I kind of said ” I lost,
I accept defeat, this will never be what I hoped it would” And I stopped trying to get his attention, trying to get him to change his
mind, stopped hoping for an apology, I just stopped the insanity. Now I just want peace, and I’m finally starting to get better.
Give him no reaction, he has nothing new to say. Just don’t answer. He was wrong, he knows it, you don’t have to even explain
why, just don’t respond. You owe him zero. The day you say no, is the day your situation will change!!


YES. You go girl 🙂 Could not agree more. I’m writing something so incredibly similar in my book right now. Love it. XX


I think we become “crazy and insane’ or whatever when we try and try and try to get a different outcome than the one that is
the reality smack dead in front of us. When are holding onto someone who has already left, or we are competing
against “Her”, or desperately trying to get him to change his mind, we lose our minds. We are running on nerves, running on empty,
throwing away the core of who we are in a sad attempt to change what we perceive to be the flaws that “must have made him not choose me”.
It’s so exhausting and toxic.
When I finally said ” I lost. I failed. He chose her. There is nothing more I can do. I ‘m done” I felt a sense of relief. When you are at ground zero, accepting you lost becomes easier than fearing the loss, because we will do anything to avoid this realization.
But once you accept it, you can kind of rebuild your life from the ashes so to speak. And there is a whole world out there besides him, it just takes time.

Yes! Thank you so much for sharing Catherine 🙂 xx


Amazing writer, I am a man, and agree with all you say and your tribe as well
So much to say but I got the feels
And could write till the sun comes up
Thank you and my apologies on behalf of all the jerk boys out in the world
Fuerte Abrazo


Thanks Brian! Happy it helped 🙂


Wow, just wow. I’ve been on and off with my most recent ex (4.5 years) and he blew me off for New Years Eve and this was the final straw. I found you, this website and it all couldn’t be more perfect.

Thank you for your incredible writing. I am so excited to re-read and implement more of these perspectives and strategies into my life!!!! You are such a blessing, thank you xoxoxo!!!


So happy to helped! Thanks Tally 🙂 Your love and support truly mean everything to me. xx


“Emotional bed sh*tter”. I actually LOL-ed ?
Love this new term, I will change his name in my phone to it (until I muster up the courage to delete it all together)


LOL 🙂 I love that hahah. Thanks Erin! xoxo


I recently broke up with my ex and a few days later I went back to him asking for him back and to be friends… He accepted being friends with me but after a week, I got greedy and missed him so much that I ranted to him. Then we got into a fight and when I told him not to treat his future girlfriend like me, he said he won’t because she wouldn’t be as clingy. Then he added that he knows how his ex felt because in his past relationship he was the one that clung onto his ex while this time I’m the one who clung onto him. Later he said he couldn’t do what his ex did which was cut all ties with me but I said he did worst because he kept dragging me on. I’ve officially blocked him and am starting no contact until yesterday I talked to a friend and had a changed of heart for a moment because though he broke my heart countless of times… I still do love him and just want him to be happy. I unblocked him but I’m going to continue no contact because I really agree with how you said when there is no empathy and respect, its no relationship. I’m going to try to move on and I really enjoy reading your articles. But sometimes, I do wonder if he’ll come back…


Hey Natasha your words have changed me as a person and I have realized how important my self esteem is I have cut off my emotionally unavailable ex, I do miss him but my self worth is more important!
I have a question what should be done when you have recently cut him off and his birthday is coming up, Should I say Happy birthday or stay on my white horse!!


Hi Camelle! YES! You go girl. I’m so happy and honored to have helped.

Stay on your white horse – ALWAYS. xx


I can’t tell you what your posts have meant. After 3 years, my boyfriend and I broke up right after Thanksgiving. He wrote me a letter right after, telling me he had been talking with a lot of girls through various dating apps for the latter half of our relationship. I was devastated, but he was soo apologetic, said he was committed to getting better so I was hopeful.
Not even 2 weeks after, he’s in a rebound, posting pictures with some blonde who looks nothing like me. More recently, he’s deleted me, blamed me for not making him feel “wanted”. Broken me down every time I’ve come sort of close to rebuilding my defenses and self esteem.
I found this blog almost a month ago, and when I’m feeling hopelessly alone and hurt beyond repair, I come here and read, and re-read. The sisterhood, the advice- it’s been a saving grace in between my every-other-week therapy appointments.
Thank you. For everything.


Hi Stephanie,

I am so happy and honored to have helped 🙂

I have been there and know how much it hurts. You are loved supported, understood and never alone.

Thank you for the love, support and for being a part of this tribe.

You will get through this. The pain is here to pass, not to stay. Wish that I had the time to write more.

All my love to you sister. xo


Do you have any entries on “breaks” in a relationship. I have always been super against them but ever since my boyfriends brother recently passed and with us both about to graduate school and enter the real world we have been in a rough patch and i suggested a break up and he suggested a break until he can learn to be happy on his own again and cope with this loss to he can then in turn be a better boyfriend to me. I am just unsure if these “breaks” really work or not. xo


Hi Ashley! Thank you SO MUCH for this recommendation 🙂 I love it. Will try to write about it soon.

I’m so sorry about your boyfriend’s brother. XOXO


This is legit. This gives me so much life. I have read this at least 4 times…. ok more like 9 times. Thank you.


Lol you are incredible 🙂 So happy it helped. I had a lot of fun writing this one. Thanks Victor! x


About the scissors metaphor: I just want to put a thought out there I realized during no contact. Although it is never great to be dumped, I found out that was the best possible thing that happened to me. And I felt it weirdly as soon as it happened. Ok, he took this decision. I cannot change it so I might as well move on forward. Even when I felt the worst ever, I could see the tunnel in front of me and a light because I was and am sure that the only way is ahead of me, away from a man that did not realised what he had. So he was not that difficult for me either to cut all contacts with him.
But could you maybe redirect to any article on this blog talking about when I will be ready to see him again? Not like on purpose, but right now I am avoiding everywhere where I could possibily find him because I am not sure if this state of mind of mine is just that and how will I react if I accidentally see him again….


I’ll try to write about that soon. I have many articles that would help; wish I had time to copy/paste them all – just search the blog. Thanks for your love and support! xx


This. This helps so much thank you. I’m still having trouble though because I’m was in an LDR and he is supposed to fly in in a week to see me. I haven’t answered his last text a week ago (the break up was about 10 days ago) but I have no idea if he is still coming or not and it is bothering me deep down. Should i just ignore and keep going and not text him to ask if he is still coming ? I feel like there is still some weird open door because of this holiday we had planned in the country where I am now. I’m trying to stay on the white horse ! But a part of me wants to retake control and not be waiting for him to just turn up or not and ask him if he is coming and if yes to bring me the stuff I need here from his place which he was supposed to bring in the first place had we been together. I’m not sure how much of this is me being weak and missing or just me feeling helpless at the idea that I do not know what is meant to happen in a week from now. Thank you so much again for your words, truly inspiring and keeps me going !


So happy it helped! 🙂 Thank you Lola for your love, support, and for being a part of this tribe.

You are understood, appreciated, backed, believed in, and never, EVER alone. xoxo




Happy it helped! 🙂


As, with ALL the other posters, this is spot on. Necessary words that we often do not want to hear. I’ve tried No Contact and renigged. It only results in being kicked in the teeth AGAIN. Today I will start again. The hardest part is: it is quite possible that there won’t ever be another man who comes along. Many women are single who have done the work, etc., etc., It is the harsh reality that I may be alone until I leave this earth. That hurts.

And, with that info, I will start today with No Contact. Thanks


YES! Proud of and happy for you. Happy that the post helped! 🙂 xx


Hello lovely ladies especially Natasha,

I’m glad I found this. I’m in my weakest point again and about to bombard him with messages.

I was in LDR for 5 years, for the last 2 years we didn’t meet each other because he said he was having a hard time, he is battling depression and not sure what he wants. I choose to wait for him, I wanted to be with him at this point of his life. I tried to be patient, understanding and did not put any pressure to him. Then it happened, on New years eve this year I saw a comment from a girl on his fb post. The girl was asking him when will they meet because they’be been talking for 14 months already and yet they haven’t met. I confronted him and he said he doesn’t know the girl and she is not even on his fb friends list. I stalked the girl’s fb account, she posted some of their conversations. I confronted him again and finally he said they were just talking on skype and nothing else. That he is chatty and he doesn’t remember how they started talking. I believed him.

Then my sister got a new boyfriend and he likes to show off their new relationship on fb so it got me thinking why my boyfriend never do that to me. I started to stalk my boyfriend’s fb and I found out that those pictures of us together that I tagged him is not on his timeline anymore. I trusted him so at the beginning of our relationship I never did a stalking to him. I also found out that there are several posts from other women on his fb calling him “love” and greeted him “happy 16th love” sounds like their anniversary, the post was 2016. We started talking 2013 and meet for the first time on 2014. So it shows he was cheating. I confronted him and just like the first time he said he never met the woman and just talking and he doesn’t know why she posted that. I broke up with him but after a week I missed him a lot. I missed talking to him in the morning when I wake up, his night time and at night before I go to bed – his morning. I broke down and contacted him. He promise that there were no one else but me. I told him I am willing to forgive him if he will post out photo together on his fb so that those other women can see it and will get the idea that we are together and will not flirt with him anymore. We patched things up and started talking again. Everyday I reminded him to upload our picture together but he always say he is busy, to give him the benefit of the doubt he is not really into social media.

I was already seriously upset when he finally posted our picture together but to my surprised it can only be viewed by me and my sister. I was hurt again and confronted him about it. I explained again why I wanted it to be posted. He said he doesn’t want to post photos because he values his privacy and fb sucks (fb recently in news for leaking out users’ information). I told him it is just one picture and I don’t accept his excuse. Finally, after pushing a lot he edited who can view our picture but it was only view-able to his some 450 friends. He has 700+ friends why he can’t show the picture to all of his fb friends including to those other women that I have strong feeling that he is flirting with.

I confronted him again and his exact word “I showed it to almost all. I’m having enough things to juggle here than to explain 50 people that pic. Why now etc.” I was hurt again but timing is not right because I know he was really busy and I don’t want to be shitty to him. I choose to retreat, I was thinking that no matter what I say and do it will never be enough because he is not committed to me. I was so hurt and I thought I will not talk to him for awhile. He only sent 1-3 messages and he become quite too. I have decided I’m moving on, I went to several local trips as a distraction. After 3 weeks I realized that no matter what he did to me, he doesn’t deserve to be ghosted and I still love him. I sent him a message hoping he will compromise and apologize for hurting me, I said I take time to think a lot because I felt I was disrespected by him by not doing what I asked him to do and I don’t want to be disrespected again and again. It’s been a week already and he hasn’t replied yet and it is making me feel I was at fault, for ghosting him and not apologizing about it. I’m on my breaking point now and I wanted to hear from him but I’m also scared I might lost my self respect if I call him again like I did the first time. I’m so hurt and at the same time missing him.

I don’t know what to do anymore…


You have saved me once again. This is EXACTLY what I’m going through today, the ex contacted me last night after 3.5 weeks of no contact, and I’ve been a mess crying ALL day. I soooo needed to read this. I will re-read it over and over again.


YAY 🙂 Happy it helped! Thanks Margaret! xoxo


Today is my 26th birthday. After 3 years and to many break up’s and back togethers to count, today I am ready and NEED to get on my white horse and ride into the sunset. After getting a feeling my boyfriend had made no plans for my birthday I confirmed he had lied about making a reservation and even after I called the restaurant to find out they don’t even take reservation he continued to swear he called and made one. When I asked him to screen shot and show where he had called, suddenly his phone had frozen and deleted everything. He then wanted to say it was my fault for “causing bullshit” and refusing to see him. This is just one pebble in the mountain of similar situations over the past three years. As I sat at home alone all day, I received text and messages from people who love me dearly wishing me the best day ever. I was in tears when a friend who has no idea of the situation texted and said “I hope you feel loved and special on your birthday”. It hit me like a ton of bricks that on the one day of the year when it could be so easy to take the time to make someone important, I wasn’t important enough for him to do so. What other signs do I need? NONE they are so clear from his actions. The part about no contact not being immature made my mouth drop as that is always his go to when I have tried no contact in the past. Please send good thoughts my way as I start a new year of life with a new outlook. I am promising myself that next year I WILL feel special and loved even if I have to do it for myself. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your wise words.


This is a great post, I am so annoyed I didn’t discover it sooner!
My boyfriend dumped me a month ago and text me a week or so later with ‘Hey, how are you doing?’ I almost burst with excitement because this obviously meant he regretted the decision and wanted to get back together right?!
A few days later I text him back and we ended up talking for a couple of days, GOD if I could rewind the clock back now I would!!!
I realise this had very little to do with my well-being and more to do with his guilty conscious/ego and I became a doormat and replied very nicely (to *show* that I had moved on bla bla..) When really all I did was make it ten times easier for him to move on!
I’m secretly wishing he will text again just so I can have the satisfaction of IGNORING the hell out of the text. Seriously, ignore ignore ignore.

You’re amazing, I cant wait to read all your other posts


Thanks Ashley! I’m so happy it helped ? I am sure you will hear from him again. Just get back on your white horse and back to NC ? You got this. We are all behind you. xx


This post is a godsend. I printed it out and read it over and over and I’m only on Day 2! I met a guy three years ago that I thought was my soul mate, even though I always seemed to be in a state of constant fear and upset with his emotional distance. We dated for a year and a half, while he constantly shifted the goalposts. I was an emotional wreck but that connection.. oh, that connection! Then he travelled overseas and I found out through an instagram photo that he had met someone else. When I got upset about it , he told me “to get a grip.” Amazingly, we kept seeing each other for another 18 months, in between his trips overseas to visit and travel with her. Every time I raised the subject, I would be told to ” cheer up” or ” stop drinking so much, it makes you negative.” This kind of gaslighting made me question my own sanity and I would find ways in my mind to be ok with it, to be more mature and accepting about it. He said their connection was just sex, not like the unique bond we had. This kind of head fuckery can take away every shred of self esteem you have. I consider myself a fairly self aware person, but I was drowning in doubt, denial and insecurity. Finally the pain of staying was worse than the pain of leaving and I broke all contact. I know that someone belittling your feelings and never acknowledging their own actions is a huge alarm bell for those of us with abandonment issues and a low sense of self worth. Its early days, and it literally feels like withdrawing off drugs, but you need to saddle up that damn white horse and hold on for dear life. Nobody is coming. Save yourself! Thank you for your amazing kick arse posts Natasha. xxxxx


Hi Trina!

I am so happy it helped ??? You got this ? Thank you for your love, support, and for being a part of this tribe. Love you sister. xx

Also- next week I’ll be launching my new personal site with a very extensive course I’ve developed on No Contact. I know it it will help – stay tuned! ?


Like a lot of people here, I found your site at exactly the right time–while considering sending a mean and pathetic text to the guy who insisted he loved me but then disappeared (twice!) because he needed to ‘relax’. 19 days of no contact and counting. So thanks, I read a lot of painful truths about what it means that I let myself be treated so badly (repeatedly).


Hi Anne!

I’m so happy to help 🙂 You are loved, supported, understood, believed in, rooted for, and never, ever alone. Thank you for being a part of this tribe.

Next week I’ll be launching my new personal site with a very extensive course thatI developed on No Contact.

I know it it will help – Look out for it! xoxo


Thanks, Natasha. I’ll definitely check it out. As a small note to other people working through the same thing, I’ve found that this is also a really good time to reassess my relationship with my phone. For instance, breakups are a really bad time to have your phone or any other electronic device in bed with you. So I put my phone away at 5 p.m. unless I’m talking to a friend ‘on the phone.’ For a while I actually went back to my flip phone. There’s just something too tempting about it being so close when you’re feeling so vulnerable.


Agreed! It’s up 🙂 Let me know what you think XOXO


thanks for this post (and other ones, too) !! On day 15 of no contact, walked in on ex bf lying and caught him red handed, it was worst type of betrayal so i took my bag and told him never to speak to me again. He tried to apologise, but i blocked him and every letter he send (or snuck into the bags with my stuff he got back to me) i did not read. I thought his apology will not help, nothing in these letters will make me feel better and there is no point telling him how hurt I am, because he clearly does not care. At times tho, I feel guilty. Was this childish of me to not read it, and i also gave him back every love note and gift i have received bc he has hurt me (intentionally) and they just reminded me of the betrayal. I was being petty, too now i see it.
I miss the good times, but I know they were not real.


Thank you for sharing Banks. I’m so happy that the posts have helped 🙂 I just developed a course on my new site that is perfect if you’re in a situation where you need to cut emotional contact, physical contact, or both. You are never alone. All my love to you. XOXO


hi Natasha,

I love your no contact contract course!! It has helped me more than I could ever imagine, and whenever I feel sad or desperate, I re-listen to it and look at the signed contract on my wall. I have come so far since leaving the comment above, and yes, its hard at times, but your course helped me a lot. I cried when i listened to it for the first time, being so grateful to have someone who has been there, making me feel like I am not alone. I love when you said, even if i do not believe in myself, you believe in me. Keep up the great work you are doing, thanks so much!!!


Banks, I am in tears. I do believe in you just as you believe in me <3 Always. Thank you for taking the time to share.

I am so glad that you're liking the course - I put my heart and soul into it and you are never alone.

Love you so much. xx


I know the last comment on this post was almost a year ago, but I’m Just looking for some words of encouragement. Am really struggling today. REALLY struggling. I’m attempting (not very successfully) No Contact with one of my closest friends, who is at best emotionally unavailable, and at worst might be a sociopath. I have been little more than a doormat for several years. I’m hurt, I’m embarrassed and I feel like a fool. EVERYTHING is on his terms, and the inconsistency in his communication is slowly driving me to a place I never dreamed I could be over some 37-year-old man-child, crumb throwing moment-curator. But I’m panicking the moment I feel even an iota of indifference within myself….like my brain/heart is trying to stop me from being indifferent towards him. I’ve listened to various parts of the No Contact course I swear 15 times in the last week. This is a friendsh*t, but I love him with all of my heart. I’m so confused as to how I can continue to love someone who treats me this way? I’m just really lost at the moment and trying to find a way through. This f*cking sucks.


Hi Natasha,

I just wanted to add my male insight to your ‘no contact rule” I lived for 2 + years with this chick. Got back together with her for about 3 months, then got kicked to the curb right before the holidays. No red flags, fighting or arguments. Just a punch out of nowhere. I think she’s underneath someone else right now. I was told that it wasn’t me. That I was great. It was her that reopened the door and now she couldn’t restore and resurrect the feelings she once had for me. I begged her and wanted her dearly to come back in my life. I told her that she was my forever. After a week of no contact, I get this cheesy email from her throwing me crumbs. Hope your doing well, that this breakup wasn’t anything that I did or she did and wanting the best for me. I read this article from you and hold it in high praise. It truly allows me to start the healing process, look at my self value and don’t look back. People that see no fault of their own, sleep with others at the blink of an eye have no business in your life or heart. I just want to thank you and this article for handing me the scissors.



Thank you for taking the time to comment. Although I write from the perspective of a female, there are many male readers and this kind of bs does not discriminate against gender or age. Your input helps more than you know.

I have so been there and am happy that this post helped. I could not agree more BOH 🙂 Use those scissors in light of the sheer self-respect and self-love that you now have.

If you need more intensive help on this, I have a No Contact Course that is very helpful on my personal site 🙂

Thanks for being here. xo


It was suggested to me by a counselor that maybe I should implement the 30 day rule in light of all my husband’s hurtful actions. Back story….ill make as brief as possible. My husband and I have been together for nearly 39 years. 2 adult children,5 grandchildren, of which one that lives with us full time raised as our own. After years of my husband’s “stepping out”, inattentive and narcissistic behavior I found myself beginning menopause in 2016. I had such hormone imbalances that I became moody, angry and intolerant of his years of past behavior and started acting like the biggest bi**h in the world. He had made a few subtle changes put I continued to push him until he moved out in September 2017. Within 2 weeks he had reconnected with an old fling of his. By October I had realized I truly did live my husband and wanted to give it another go. He asked for reconciliation. January 2018 we moved back in together. Throughout the past year he has secretly (so he thinks)maintaining this relationship with her. New Year’s Eve 2019 he ditched me and I caught him at a family members house with this woman. This time he pushed me out! So today out of a lack of knowingwhat to do I started a 30 day no contact a d informed him of my decission. Within 30 min he started texting me with questions such as how do I pay gym membership and have I seen the spare tire to his truck and when is my next doctors appointment. I have not responded. Should I? With just brief answers to his questions?
Our children and myself gave him ultimatums her or us. I say he obviously choose her, right? I don’t want a divorce, I love my husband but I do want to feel I’m secure in being the only woman in his life.


Hi Lori!

I wish that I could answer but do not have the time to write out everything that I would want to say and advise in a way that I feel would be sufficient. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot directly and responsibly advise on this comment platform (and I thank you for your kindness and understanding).

Keep coming back here to the blog. It will help. I also have a No Contact Course on I do offer one-on-one coaching and would be happy to help further with this all. There is a link to it on the homepage. Thank you for being a part of this tribe. xox


How did I maintain the no contact rule if I still have admin issues to iron out such as end of lease forms, outstanding debts he owes me etc? I want to badly to get on my beautiful white steed and run off into the wind but I still have so many things I need to sort out with him…I loved this post by the way, and although it is still new to me I’ve become obsessed with PMS (the blog, not the syndrome ;D)


Hi Charlotte! So happy that the blog has helped 🙂 Do what you have to do and remain in EMOTIONAL no contact at all costs. Protect yourself, have your own back, and keep physical contact to a minimum. Wish I had the time to write more (thank you for your kindness and understanding). I do have a course on no contact which is very helpful at

Sending you so much love 🙂 Thanks for being a part of this tribe. xox


My ex dumped me because he wanted to be single and wasn’t sure what he wanted longterm. Despite being crushed I took it graciously and told him that if that’s how he felt then its the best thing for us both and I immediately went into no contact. Two weeks later and he texted me to say hello and ask how i am. I replied with a short message that I was ok and how was he?. He said I’m ok too, glad you are. I’ve not replied again but am so angry with myself for replying to his lame crumbs. Thank you so much for this post, I shall not be doing it again now that i realise it was all about him looking after himself. The blog is so helpful right now x.


Hi Louise!

I’m so glad that the posts have helped 🙂 You are not alone in this (or ever!). Don’t be angry at yourself, just get right back on your white horse and you will prevail. We are all here for and with you.

If you’d like, check out my No Contact course – it will really help…


Hi Natasha! I just want to say THANK YOU!! I was reading your blog non-stop when I was healing from my previous relationsh*t and it helped so much. My ex texted me the other day and I’m proud to say that i didn’t respond! It felt great and empowering! All I could think is “Don’t react to your triggers at the expense of your dignity.” That quote really resonated with me and is what I repeat to myself every time I think about getting off my white horse. You are doing great work!




It’s the best feeling ever and exactly how you build unshakeable self-love, esteem, and respect. Love you. xox


Dear Natasha: I can’t thank you enough for your blog. It’s been a big discovery for me. Seriously, you don’t find people out there who go so deep to the route of the problems, and that’s why I find so much consolation here. You’re helping me look inside myself and understand why I feel the way I feel every moment, so you’re being part of my recovery and thanks to you, it’s being way much faster than other times. I even have a white horse as a background pic on my phone… Haha 🙂

Now I feel a bit down… A few days ago my ex contacted me after 6 weeks of him breaking up with me in an awful, disrespectful way. It was “sort of an apology” but cold, edgy and not genuine. It totally seemed like he was testing waters. I never replied, and felt good about it at first, but then… All these feelings of fear have come back. I want to stay in my white horse, I know I deserve much more than a cold message. But still I’m afraid he’ll move on. He left me in this statement where now all “relies on me” and I can’t concentrate, I can’t match my words with my actions inside myself. I was doing so well before his message… :_(


Hi D 🙂

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m so happy that the posts have helped and I know exactly how you feel <3 what you are feeling is normal. Keep staying on your white horse and my best advice is: don't gave any time or energy to anyone who ever made you feel like an option, like loving you was a chore, and dishonored you.

You are never alone. Wish that I had the time to write more (thank you for your kindness and understanding). Love you. xx


Dear Natasha,

Thanks so much for your reply, your words give me so much comfort. It’s funny that right the day after he texted me to meet, but I know it’s not to reconcile. I elegantly asked him his reasons to meet up, and he said he doesn’t want to lose me in his life cause I’m important to him.

It was so hard to say no to this meet up. Now I’m crying all the time, even if I know I did the right thing saying no. It’s so hard when they try to keep messing with our hearts, and they’re not even conscious.

Thank you again for your words. Your articles are a balm for my soul. <3


I am so proud of you <3 I know it's hard but you really did the right thing - you can never go wrong with dignifiedly having your own back. And you did 🙂

"Balm for the soul" - what a compliment and what a gift you are D. Love you xx

Thank you always for being our guardian angel <3



My ex dumps me via email, this had to be the 30th time in a year. Every time he didn’t like something I said or did, he dumped me. Early on in the relationship I would chase, beg and plead. This time I have accepted it and wished him well. I’m 4 days into no contact, my heart has been breaking. We were together for 2 years and in 2 years he always pulled the break up card. Im looking forward to the day I no longer think of him and be the best version of myself.


You WILL get there are you aren’t alone. I believe in you.

Thanks for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you sister. xox


Thank you so much for this, is hard AF but like you say, “live your life and take care of yourself”.


Exactly. It’s so hard but the unconditional confidence and self-respect gained is worth it. I believe in you M.

You got this 🙂 xox


Good afternoon, all! I wish to share my story as a form of encouragement. Weeks ago, I was in a pseudo–relationship. He was my third boyfriend and a few months before we met, I’ve just gotten out of an extremely toxic “relationship” (my second boyfriend). My first huge mistake was that I placed him high up on the pedestal since I THOUGHT that he was everything my ex wasn’t—initially. There really are cruel people out there who shall abuse and misuse you—after playing the hero—because they know that you’ve had toxic people in your life before and they know that you don’t have boundaries, that you’ll tolerate just about anybody and anything due to loneliness. That was my second huge mistake.

Long story short, my third boyfriend was someone who’d use silent treatment every time we fought and I’d always chase after him. He never respectfully tells me that he needs space, which I always do—inform him courteously why I’m upset whenever I’m upset. He just suddenly won’t reply to messages or acknowledge calls. The last time he did that, I didn’t chase him again. After, I found Natasha and her blog. Then, his silence went on for three months. It was so difficult, considering that some of my pricey books were with him and he never had the decency to offer returning them, but I faithfully adhered to no contact. Not because I’m strong. But because, all I could ever think about, more than my desire and love for him, was how extremely rude and disrespectful he was towards me the last time we met. I thought about how, despite my many flaws, I never deserved such a treatment.

Three long months passed, and he greeted me a simple “Happy Birthday”. Now, if I had not come across Natasha and her blog, I would’ve responded emotionally. Jumped with glee. Offer to go out drinking like we used to. But after being armed by Natasha and her insights, all I felt was anger. And disgust. No apology of any kind after the way he interacted with me three months prior. No proper “sorry” for ghosting me for three months. After a week of going crazy but behind closed doors, I finally responded to his birthday greeting. I respectfully asked for my books back. That was when he said he’d rather come to our place to return them so we can talk. He was already assuming that I’d want to see him, to talk to him. I replied, very firmly, “Just my books, please.” And the time and place wherein he can return them. He immediately became cold after that and that was my “AHA!” moment. I never heard from him again after he dropped by and returned my books. (I made sure that I wasn’t home at that time since I didn’t trust myself and how I’d react upon seeing him again after such a long time. Somebody else at home received them for me.)

I was very, very, very sad of course. I was tempted to abuse myself extensively through drinking and smoking. It was only because of great friends, Saturday Night Live and other comedies, animé, and last but definitely not the least, Natasha and this blog, that I was able to survive being callously cast aside by this guy despite his promises that he “wasn’t the type to use silent treatment”. L0L.

To conclude, if you are presently in no contact, please do not ever give up. You are not alone. A lot of people around and in cyberspace are going through the same ordeal. Either your partner will realize what he or she has lost and will clean up his or her act fast … or you will reach a level of logical thinking—why you were never meant to be with this person in the first place. Blessings to you all!


My Dearest Isha,

What an inspiration you are <3 Thank you for taking the time to share.

I hope you know how many people this will help. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart for being a part of this tribe and for being all that you are.

You are loved, supported, understood, and never, ever alone. All my love to you. xx


Hello, Natasha!

Many, many, many thanks! Thank you so very much! I have been a silent follower of your online articles for the last few months and I passed by this article about no contact, again—the very first article of yours that I ever encountered during one of the lowest points in my life.

I love the way that you write, the manner through which you express yourself, your thoughts and your wounds through artful metaphors—which greatly help readers become more self–aware and better safeguard themselves against toxicity the next time around.

I appreciate you and this tribe greatly and I am most certainly not the only one. I love you all!

Happy Christmas in advance!



Hello Natasha!

My boyfriend broke up with me in quite an unpleasant way a few weeks ago and has already done some actions to forget about me and our relationship (erasing photos with us on social media, etc.) I began no contact the moment he broke up with me and after I stopped being panicked. We haven t talked since then. I still miss him sometimes, but your post made me understand better where my energy should be and what I should focus on – ME.
Today is Valentine s Day and instead of feeling sad, I am going out for dinner with my dear sister 🙂
So I just wanted to drop by and thank you so much for sharing with us your experience and what you have learned so far. I will keep reading your posts!

Have a most wonderful day!




This made my day! You should be so proud of yourself; you are doing the right thing. And thank YOU from the bottom of my heart. I am just so happy to help – it’s what I live for.

Wish I could join you and your sister 🙂

All my love to you. Happy Valentine’s Day. XOX


Thank you so much. only day 2. the pain is awful but the pain of waiting for that text whilst he goes radio silent because he’s ‘not in the mood to talk’ is worse. I can do this. xxx


YES YOU CAN. You got this! If you need further help, I have a No Contact Course that can be found via the link at the bottom of this post.

You are not alone. xxx


I’m so glad that the post helped 🙂 x

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