The no contact rule is something that we’re all familiar with post-breakup. I hate referring to it as a “rule,” because it just adds to this stigma of feeling more like a formulaic prison sentence that has to be applied for some desired “result,” rather than what it truly is:

Something that anyone with a shred of dignity, emotional backbone, confidence, self-awareness and self-love would naturally do.

The no contact rule is about making the decision to fold in light of having your own back; in spite of your libido, head and heart being in a state of trigger. Your triggers will fear-monger you into believing that the person you’re in no contact with is the sole supplier of your emotional oxygen. They’re not.

Cutting contact allows you to create your own closure on your own terms so that you can heal, deal, regain power and control over your emotions. It allows you to process your feelings and ultimately decide how you want to proceed.

This isn’t about some “30/60/90-day plan,” or a certain formula. And it should never be about eliciting a reaction or being immature, hurtful, spiteful or mean.

The no contact rule is about choosing to fold in light of how someone has unfolded. It’s waving the ultimate white flag to all of their red ones.

It’s the best “one-that-got-away,”  white horse Jedi move you can ever make. You are gracefully accepting through your actions that this person cannot give you what you want and deserve – whether that be honesty, respect, consistency, commitment, etc.

And as great as it all sounds – whether you’re the one implementing no contact or you’re on the receiving end of it – the no contact rule can also break your heart and mind f*ck you MORE than your actual breakup.

In the past, going no contact after a breakup made me obsess over and question everything to the point of emotional suicide. It was a nonstop tug-of-war. I exhausted everyone around me with a set of ears. And when I had nowhere to turn, I’d always humiliatingly return to the relationsh*t graveyard at the expense of my dignity.

Nowadays, if I make the decision to cut contact with someone, I never feel bad about it because they handed me the scissors. I no longer base my worth on someone handing me scissors. That’s on them. What am I supposed to do with scissors? Put them in my pocket and risk further injury? Scissors are meant to cut – not to put in your pocket so you have a license to feel sorry for yourself or throw back in an attempt to cause pain. View people’s heartbreaking & disrespectful behavior as the gift that it is and always will be: Scissors to cut yourself OUT of their bullsh*t.

But still…

Whether it’s with an ex, a friend or a family member, being in no contact can provide a really fertile ground for you to act upon the normal fears and anxieties associated with cutting someone off who in many cases, you still see a future with.

  • You want your ex to know how much he’s hurt you.
  • You want him to feel enough genuine remorse that he owns up to what he really did and apologizes.
  • You want him to realize what he’s lost.
  • You want him to take accountability so that you can be friends again and possibly, eventually go back to the way it was.
  • You want to know that he hasn’t forgotten about you.
  • You need affirmation that you aren’t as discardable as his actions/inactions and deceit have made you feel.
  • You don’t want to come across as immature or mean for implementing the no contact rule.
  • You want to know what to do because you’re in no contact and omg… HE JUST TEXED YOU.

You want to know if you’re really even doing the right thing by implementing the no contact rule. 

So many wants and what ifs.

It’s time to simplify.

Here’s what you need to know that will make the no contact rule 1000 times easier and more effective…

How long should you implement the no contact rule?

There’s really no set amount of time. I’m still in no contact with people from years and years ago. I don’t make a concerted effort to not call them and I’m not ever thinking about it, I’m just living my life. If you’re fresh off a breakup and you want to know how long to implement the no contact rule, understand that contact should only be re-established when you’ve healed and there is a genuine desire for reconciliation on the other person’s end (as opposed to panicking because they’ve lost their air supply of narcissistic attention). You should never telephonically, technologically or physically chase after anyone who in any way, participated in your dishonoring. If you feel like communicating with your ex in any way would cost you or be a betrayal to your instinct… stay in no contact. The sky won’t fall. It’s whenever YOU feel good about it. More on this below.

But what if my ex texts me? How do I respond if I’m implementing the no contact rule and they ask me a direct question? (READ THIS ONE no matter what):

If your ex reaches out to you, it can really mess with you and also be passively manipulative and down-right selfishly cruel. Especially if you’re still dealing with the heartbreak and sense of loss associated with their absence. The best way to disable your triggers and make sense of what to do is to establish what kind of contact it really is. There’s a difference between selfish regret and genuine remorse. Not all contact from your ex is indicative of genuine remorse, wanting to reconcile or make things right on any level – even as friends.

After a breakup, you are at your most vulnerable emotionally. It can be really hard to discern if the contact from your ex is them throwing you crumbs or taking a step toward wanting to reconcile in any way, with consideration of your feelings and awareness of what they did.

Basically, any kind of contact from your ex that does not clearly communicate the intent to listen to you, to make things right (without knowing if you’ll even be open to it), to apologize and to reconcile is crumb throwing.

Examples of crumb throwing texts: “I’m sorry,” “I miss you,” “Hope that you’re doing well,” “Hi. Please let me know if you’re okay,” etc. YAWN. I also have a huge problem with exclamation marks. Whenever you get a “hey!” or a “hi!!” it just reeks of disingenuous, “I’m-going-to-pretend-like-I’m-doing-well-and-keeping-the-convo-light-despite-the-fact-that-I-hurt-you-and-was-a-complete-f*cktard.” The thing is, if you take your nerves/emotions out of the equation and examine it logically, NONE of these lame forms of chain-yanking express any genuine remorse or desire to work on making things right, taking a step forward, reconciling or awareness of what they did to cause to you to go all “no contact rule” on them.

Remember this: The no contact rule is a time for you to heal and for your ex to experience the reality of your absence and the consequences of their actions and decisions. Hearing from you allows them to feel: 1) an ego boost 2) like you’re still an option 3) less guilty for what they did/didn’t do.

So how do I respond??

First of all, you don’t need to. If you get crumbs thrown your way in the name of a chain-yanking text and DO want to respond… Always be kind, polite and extremely short. End it. Don’t keep the conversation going.


It shows that you’re living your life, moving on and that you place a high value on yourself and your time. It also shows that it’s going to take more than a few indirect texts to be in communication with you. When you hold yourself in high regard, crumbs will never be able to validate you because you’re already validating yourself.

Your ex wanting to know how you’re doing, who you’re doing or what you’ve been up to makes no sense when they engaged in behavior and made decisions that caused a fracture in your relationship. And if you’re on your way and healing, their behavior during no contact can actually affirm why you want to remain in it.

If someone truly wants to make things right, reconcile and apologize, believe me when I say they will be empathetically direct about it and won’t stop at a few lame texts.

What if they think I’m being immature or rude?

First of all, there’s nothing rude or immature about cutting communication with someone who hurt you. In fact, it’s about the most mature thing that you can do and the surest way to command respect. You’re doing something that 99% of the population can’t (speaking with your actions).

If you’ve responded and kept your answers very short and closed-ended, keep in mind that there’s nothing rude about that at all. You’re simply choosing to not engage in further communication with crumbs so that your ex can feel like less of a sh*t.

A few years ago, an ex texted me that he missed me and that “life just wasn’t the same.” I took the bait and this is what I’ve learned along the way: Missing someone is not a precursor to wanting them back, being genuinely remorseful, wanting to apologize (first and foremost as a friend), wanting to reconcile and empathizing with you on any level.

Your ex made decisions in the relationship with you that came with the risk of losing you. Let them know through your silence and absence that you respect their decisions. And let them live with it.

When you choose to remain in contact with your ex in an effort to numb your fears and insecurities, you are basically communicating to your ex that he can find much better than you. How? If you can’t walk away from someone who hurt you out of sheer self-love, boundaries and knowingness of your value, then you are not someone worth having for more than a momentary doormatting session.

Men don’t like an emotional challenge (that’s called playing games and it’s wrong). They like an intellectual one. This isn’t about game playing at all. It’s about not being that desperate and setting your own standards. The right man/woman will appreciate it.

No matter what, always put yourself, your well-being and healing first. Take good care of your heart and stop going back to an ex who has broken it before, by responding to crumb throwing, chain-yanking texts. This kind of communication is an insult to your intelligence and instinct. Your disgust factor needs to outweigh your desperation.

Will applying the no contact rule make my ex realize what he/she has lost?

Who cares? If someone has to completely lose you to recognize your value, worth and irreplaceability, that’s like adding insult to injury.

It will only flatter you if you suffer from low self esteem.

Plus, you’ll never feel good about being with someone that you had to pull the communication plug on for them to “snap into shape.”

You’re not running an emotional daycare center.

There are PLENTY of adults in this world who can stand on both intellectual, emotional and empathetic feet. Take your focus off the emotional bed sh*tter that your ex has proven to be.

This isn’t about having a lack of experience in serious relationships, it’s about having a lack of honesty, empathy, respect and humanity.

Don’t be so desperate that you derive value from orchestrating emotional operas.

Can we still be friends?

Slow down. IF friendship happens, it happens when you’ve both healed and they’ve proven to be worthy of and interested in genuine friendship. To give you some perspective, I’m good friends with 1 out of all my exes.

I want my ex to know how wrong what they did was and how much it hurt me. Will implementing the no contact rule do this?

If you have to spell it out for someone to empathize with you, be honest with you and apologize…

HOW is that sexy? HOW can you respect that?

And without empathy or respect,

Ultimately, you have to do what’s best for you. What will NEVER be best for you is engaging with anyone who can’t see your value. Not because you don’t have any, but because they can’t see their own.

Live your life, be kind and be your own best friend first.

Ciao ciao. Still traveling around, working on the book and so much more 🙂 Love to you all.

xx Natasha

if you need further or more personalized help, please look into working with me here

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Natasha! This is your best post EVER. Do you even know how many people you help around the world? You are a true healer and angel on this earth. I can’t wait for your book and show to come out!!!


My sentiments exactly Janice. Thanks Natasha.




Thank you again for your words of genius. I’ve gone no contact with the guy who drove me to your blog to begin with, my best friend who I’m in love with. I miss him so much as there was empathy and love in our friendship, but I made the decision to stop reaching out so I can get over my feelings for him and work on myself after he made it clear he can’t give me what I want. It’s been hard as hell but this post gave me the exact encouragement I need.
Wishing you safe and happy travels ❤❤


Hi Vanessa! I’m happy that the post helped 🙂 Thank you for your love, support and for being a part of this tribe. It means everything to me. You aren’t alone in any of your feelings and what you are experiencing. Sending you big love sister. XOXO


Natasha, I can’t believe how much I’ve learned from you in such a short amount of time! Thank you so much for being brave enough to put your truth out there, I am endlessly grateful. Now, quickly finish up that book! Here’s just a sampling of the invaluable knowledge I’ve gained from PMS.

1. BOUNDARIES. ACT on them and you won’t feel the need to say much of anything. Because it’s already DONE. What’s left to talk about?
2. DO NOT TAKE CREDIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOR. What other people do or don’t do/say or don’t say is ALWAYS a window
into their mental state, NOT a mirror that reflects your value.
3. Corollary of the #2: I understand now why paying attention to actions is truly a gift – it provides important feedback and data that we should
process and use to decide which ACTION to take next that serves our emotional health. Others’ actions are not to be taken as some sort of
burden and/or responsibility that’s laid down at your feet to try to fix or change.
4. Women and men alike who master #1-3 have the seemingly magical power to validate themselves. Oh, sweet freedom!
5. Ladies, do not date the proverbial “puppy kicker” that Natasha aptly describes in a past post. It’s NOT an attractive quality no matter how
many other great traits he has. Nor one we could ever truly accept deep down.
6. CALM is a muthafrickin’ superpower. Provide no reaction as your chosen response and I can almost picture the so-called
f*cktards/narcissists/emotionally unavailables falling flat on their faces as they push against no opposing force. #whitehorse4lyfe
7. It’s okay to feel triggered, scared, insecure. Be aware of it, be curious about it, don’t hate yourself for it. There is a lesson to be learned no
matter the situation. Do not let the (overwhelming) pain blind you to this opportunity to get to know yourself. Otherwise, what was the
whole point of going through all that excruciating pain?
8. Feel your feelings. Embrace, even run towards them. I’ve found it has the ironic effect of dissipating its power over me. Let it come, and it
most certainly always passes. Natasha’s naming it a “pain contraction” is so, so spot on.
9. Look out for and take care of your younger self. In the short time that I’ve thought about and done this, I already feel a small, but very real
healing of old wounds and bolstering of my self-esteem.
10. Own your story and own yourself, flaws and all. For me, this was the most kick in the rear-end words I’ve read thus far on PMS – “We are all
suffering from a terminal condition. It’s called LIFE.” We’ve got lives to LIVE!


Very well written Amy I couldn’t have said it better! I loved this! I’m with you on all of that!


Thanks! We’re all in this together, so grateful for this community 💕xo


Yes we are 🙂 Ditto! xoxo


Thanks Emily! 🙂 XOXO



I am crying the best kind of tears to cry – ones of immeasurable appreciation, gratitude and love for you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to write this and for being the light that you are to so many people. You are incredible.

All my love to you soul sister. Your comment inspired a post that I’m going to write soon.

Thank you. So much. xxxx


Natasha, your impact is boundless. Can’t wait for that post! xo




Beautiful words, Amy xx 😘


Thanks, Lorelle. You too – always like reading what you have to say! xo


Eloquently written Natasha. Thanks again for helping us to heal. This was just what I needed today. Hope you are enjoying your travels and can’t wait for the book!! Xoxo


So happy it helped! Thanks Kathryn 🙂 xox


By far the best post you’ve written and I’ve read them all!!

“Your disgust factor needs to outweigh your desperation.”

YES!! Fight for your self. Fight for your life. Life isn’t supposed to be a series of cleaning up after “emotional bed shitters”. We can’t fix/ change anyone except ourselves. If I can do it, anyone can. Thank you for teaching us how to fight for the little girl inside of all of us that was abandoned/ abused in some way.



YAY! I’m so glad that you enjoyed this post just as much as I did writing it 🙂

I couldn’t agree more. I want to hug and high 5 you at the same time! Sending you love sister. XOXO


Brilliant post Natasha! Truly proud of you and cannot wait for your book already!

I have been in a long distance relationship for a year and 9 months and this fucktard cheated and chose someone else and in a relationship right now after the breakup. We had a plan to move to Canada together. Our application is still under process. Meanwhile we promised to hang in there and work hard to get a job and guess what he’s still jobless effin around while I worked my ass off and now I’m employed. I cut off all my contacts with him, blocked him everywhere, deleted his number. After a month he sends me an email saying this:
I am sending you this email because I need to tell you that I think about you every day.
I know things couldn’t possibly get any worse than they are right now. I do not want or expect anything.
I really truly loved you, I still care about you more than anything and I am sorry for all the hurt I have caused you.
I was serious but it was all too much for me at once.
I know your PR application to Canada meant so much to you.
I am just letting you know about 2-3weeks ago I got an invitation to apply.
I got my police certificates, need to get my references, and doing my medical test today. All of which cost a shitload of money.
I most likely will submit everything this week, even if I have til November.
I do not know if you got any news from application. Like you said with your work you can probably work there if you wanted to.
I do not know if I will go there now. We had a plan but I fucked it up. It’s all out the window.
I do not know if I will go there in the end even if selected but being so far in the application process and paying so much money I am going to complete the process just because of a ”what if” scenario.
I do not know what life has in store.
I did want to go for better life/work opportunities, but whatever I do I see things that remind me of us.
If they ask me to go I’ll have to stay 2 years in a row then at least half of the following 4 years.
Anyway just wanted to let you know of the above.

That was his email and I didn’t reply. My mind is messed up cuz after reading your post this piece of sh*t email is basically that he is throwing crumbs!
I don’t know what to do, should I keep doing the no contact or shall I send him a short message that Im moving on?
Need your advice.


Hi Louis! Thank you 🙂 Happy that the post served you!

I can’t give advice in the comments section – I wish that I had more hands to type and hours in the day. I would also need more details. However, based just on the info you gave, I would ignore. I know it’s hard. You’re not alone. xx


Wow, this post is so timely!

My ex broke up with me back in April citing “not having time”, needing to “work on himself” and “not being sure if I’m meant to be with anyone” because of supposed scarring from his parents’ divorce. Less than two months later, the day before my birthday, he posted explicit photos of he and a girl with heart emojis to his Instagram story. I was destroyed, thinking to myself “He has time, I’m just not worth it…she must be 10x more amazing than me…he found someone to be honest and open with and loyal to…what’s wrong with me?”…etc. I was so hurt but I didn’t react at all. I didn’t message, comment, or text him about it. He texted me the next day wishing me happy birthday and I said thank you and then asked him to please my contact me again. I immediately deleted and blocked his number. It was hard, but I KNEW it was for the better. I felt so guilty and lost and was looking for answers when I found this blog and learned about “no contact” and that I had done the right thing. It was so proud of myself for implementing this rule out of instinct and sticking to it. I also avoided looking at his Instagram as well as the girl’s which was SO HARD, but worth every bit of strength I have gained.

A few days ago, I received a DM request from a seemingly fake Instagram page. Although there was no profile picture, I recognized the handle and went back into my archives to discover that this user had been liking photos of mine since the day after my birthday. It was my ex. He revealed himself in this crumb message basically saying that he knows that I know I’m better off without him, that he knows I’m better off without him, and that he hopes I continue to be better off without him (ha,
I am and I will.) At first I wasnt sure about replying it not, but after checking in with my tribe they reminded me that he has not changed and that no maturity, apology, or friendship would come from responding. I left him on read and feel prouder, stronger, and more confident than ever because I KNOW I have my own back.

Natasha, everything you say is so spot on. Thank you thank you THANK YOU a thousand times over. You have affirmed to many of my instincts and taught me so much through your writing. I can’t wait to. It your book!

Much love <3


Hi Adera!

I cannot thank you enough for sharing. You are exactly right – this isn’t a “rule” that needs to be implemented. It’s instinctual; the oldest and wisest part of your soul speaking to you.

I know how hard it is (and how impossible it seems), when you’re entrenched in it, but WOW. I am in awe of and so inspired by you. You did the right thing and the DM thing (lol) is indicative of the power that speaking with your actions will always have.

YES!!! You did the right thing! No need to respond to that.

Thank YOU – for the love, support, sisterhood and just for being you. Sending you big love and hugs. xx


Thankyou Natasha..I’m 4 months into a break up and still suffering terribly..obsessing over him and the gut wrenching anxiety tha maybe he has someone else.
Your posts give me strength and hope xx


It is my pleasure. You’re not alone Lara. XOXO


No contact is super hard, it takes a lot of courage and it is very scary cos you know that this is it, there’s no way back and that makes you question if that’s the right decision because what if he changes, what if he needs time, what if you try harder because you already invested so much time and you are addicted to him… people are either ready for commitment or not, those who are ready will become your boyfriend within 2-3 months , those who are a waste of time, users, toxic ppl, future fakers, blaming everyone else victims will never be ready because they don’t want to be ready. They always have excuses and can’t see past their nose so they should be cut. Because they are comfortable with what they are doing and who they are. If they text you during no contact they either are bored, looking for ego stroke or a shag. If they are with sb new they get exactly same shitty treatment like you did and their relationship will never go anywhere because that’s the way they are. The hardest part is actually to realise that there’s no point in fighting for sth that is a waste of time because we don’t like giving up and feeling like we failed and it’s our fault something didn’t work out. Unless you get rid of the crappy guy you will never meet someone who will be happy to be with you and if you still think abt shitty ex would you really like to be with someone who was disrespecting you, making you insecure and unhappy for next 40 years ?


Yep! xoxo


Once again, you post the right thing at the right time for me. Cannot thank you enough for everything you do for us! I hope you know what a positive thing your blog has been in my life the past year and a half. I also love reading the comments on each post, such a wonderful community you have on PMS.

Much love to you always! xx


Hi Justine! I’m so happy it helped! 🙂 Thank YOU for the love, support, for being a part of this tribe and for being the light that you are. I’m honored to have helped. You’re never alone <3 Right back at you sister! Sending you so much love. xxxx


Hi Natasha. I find it so amazing that you post the perfect words and lessons when I’m at such a low point. It is truly a comfort. I am going on month three of no contact. Yesterday was extremely painful. I cried a lot and today as well. I read your words twice today and I’m grateful for them. I miss him so much. Although no contact is the right thing sometimes I feel so lonely and alone. The quiet reinforces my pain most days. I tend to think I should have been more for him and he would still be with me but then I remember that emotionally unavailable men make their choices to abandon no matter what you give them. I gave him my whole heart and love. There is nothing else and now I give him no contact as he wanted so he could “know the pain of being without me”. I have my doubts about that. One thing is that I have not called or texted him once since July. The pain cuts like a knife but this blog and thus tribe give me strength. Thank you all. Natasha I can’t wait for your book😊 Thank you for your words. You helped me today. 🌸 Take care.


Linda, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m so happy that the post served you and believe me when I say, I know how hard it is. You are supported, loved and never alone in this. Love you soul sis. XOXO


Hi Natasha, This is amazing ! I love your writing. I feel my strength increase every time I read your posts. Thank you 😊 Please let me know if you have any meal ideas, you typed a post about your smoothie diet last year and I’ve continued to take it nearly every day since. It’s been a god send ❤️ Xxxxx


Hi Jules!

It was, is and will always be my pleasure! I’m glad that the post served you and I definitely will let you know! That’s a great idea for a post/video 🙂 Thank you so much for being a part of this tribe and for being YOU.

So happy you like the smoothie! xxx


Thanks for the post. My ex texted me less than three months after our breakup to tell me he’s engaged now. He got together with her three weeks after we split. I never replied as I was in no contact. Sometimes guilt creeps in that I should congratulate him or something then I realise it was just chain yanking.


Good work, Millie. No one falls in love and gets engaged in three weeks. Especially after breaking up. There will be more tears and sadness for her than champagne and happiness. You’re the one that got away, baby girl! Yeah, ignore those texts and remember who you are: a girl way too good for him XX 😘💐


Yep. Agreed! 🙂 Love you Lorelle. xx


Thanks Lorelle and Natasha – being part of a tribe really helps. Xo


It sure does 🙂 xx


Happy that the post helped! Thanks for the support and for sharing Millie. You did the right thing! XO


Sometimes I come here and read things that just leave me speechless. This is one of them. Read this days ago. Now I’m commenting.

This no contact thing was hard for me.
He would text out of the blue and I always let myself believe it would be different.
This time.
But there were so many times that ironically nothing changed or evolved over 2 and a half years at all, although my self esteem whithered. 🥀

Looking back, I was the ultimate ego boost to him. One crumb and I was there.
“I think about you everyday”
“You good?”
”I miss you”
“I just wanted to say hello”
These kinds of crumbs….

I can see all he really wanted was an ego boost. To know I was still there. Still hooked. Still willing to dance the steps in the cat and mouse jig we had been performing. As soon as he got his fix, he would go cold on me and it would become another chapter of heartbreak.

But despite my falls, fails and attempts to move on completely, there was a lot of healing going on. I didn’t really notice it at the time but months later, I reached the sweet spot of feeling indifferent towards him.
I got rid of all the ways he could have contacted me, and finally quit stalking his Facebook!

I actually felt so at peace. The drama, pain, rejection and games were gone. Peace. Self love. Dignity replaced all of the heartache and rejection.

But I think something else happens when you become indifferent too. It shoots a comet of energy out there that your ex can feel. It’s like the change in the air when a season is beginning to turn into another. You can just sense things are not the same. In subtle ways at first, but it’s tangible.

I’m so grateful. It’s a beautiful feeling. To reach indifference. Powerful and liberating. A clean and healthy energy.

This is a beautiful post, Natasha. It was this blog that got me through that heartache too. I read post after post and it was like watering a thirsty plant. So healing and real food for the soul. When I first found this blog I stayed up so late and couldn’t stop reading. I knew I was on the right track and indeed, I did find my white horse during my journey.

Reading this just makes me feel so grateful and happy because I’ve succeeded at it and learnt many important lessons from it. It doesn’t matter if you fall. Just get back up. You might think you have failed but you just stumbled.

Love you, Natasha. 🌹


Hey Lorelle – Your ex and my ex should get together and go bowling… I love seeing that you are at the apathetic stage – it is so freeing and amazing to finally achieve it. I am close, i think. More good days than bad at least. “It’s like the change in the air when a season is beginning to turn into another” perfect simile ! I got the same texts as you and i so wanted them to mean more than they did. I realized that was pretty much our whole relationship – me wanting him to feel more, connect more, empathize more, commit more. i was always left feeling not good enough because he wasn’t available. And i craved validation so much. So i finally stopped responding and really worked on healing. Then he said he would show up at my house to make sure i was ok, i told him that he had to stop contacting me, that its time to let it go. Its been over a month now. So the next time he contacts me, and i know he will, i hope to be indifferent. Natasha’s post is very timely as per usual! Take care of you, much love <3


Can a few of my exes join in on the bowling? So proud of you Lori – you are believed in, loved and supported.

Indifference WILL come.

Love, value and appreciate you and Lorelle so much. XO


Hello ladies,

The bowling thing really had me laughing and it’s even more ironic in my situation. I haven’t seen this person since June and, a couple of weeks ago, out of the blue, he sends me this very short film of him, at BOWLING. No hello, no hi, no nothing. That was followed by a photo of him and at that point I really didn’t know what was going on but my intuition said something was fishy. And it really was, because later on he informed me he was coming over to my town for business ( our “situationship” was long distance) so basically he was paving his way for getting some fast benefits ( which I used to deliver in the past buuuut… lesson learned).
I cannot wait for the morning when I will wake up and he will no longer be the first thing on my mind. At this stage I truly believe that indifference will be a true blessing and the ultimate liberation from what I put myself through for almost 2 years. And I cannot wait to have my piece of mind back.
No contact definitely is the best thing to do. For me it is because I feel like every time I used to respond, I was exposing myself. Probably it’s a form of emotional survival instinct but it will be ok, I will be ok and we will all be ok at some point. The thing is I still have feelings for this person but feelings, like everything else, are temporary and they will fade away when I/we truly decide to let go of them.
Thank you, ladies! For sharing your experiences, for making me know I’m really not alone in this. Thank you, Natasha, for your brilliant work and lucidity ( such a gift in this twisted world)!

Erin! that is awesome!! i laughed at my desk that you got a video of him bowling. The lengths they will go to… Our intuition is invaluable. Glad you listened to yourself! You are not alone at all in looking forward to the Day of Indifference. You will get there, we all will. This blog is a blessing, isn’t it? I adore the commenters and readers almost as much as Natasha – she is a godsend!

Me too! I laughed out loud. Thank you so much Lori <3 I feel the same way about you and everyone in this tribe 🙂 xx


I literally LOL’d at the bowling video hahahahah

I agree – no contact; speaking with your actions is best <3 You are loved, supported and believed in. You WILL get through this and you're not alone.

It's my pleasure 🙂 I'm so happy to help!



Oh hi Lori, I laughed about the bowling comment. Lol absolutely !

You should reward yourself for each month of no contact. It’s an anniversary to be celebrated, and it’s all about you achieving self empowerment and that amazing feeling of indifference. Know too, that you cannot love someone who isn’t able to be emotionally available. Although we have our own issues to deal with (we all do) part of that for us is choosing someone who can never love us anyway.

I’m so glad you’re having more good days than bad. That’s a sign you’re on the right track and you are strong.
You have said all the right things to your ex and it’s truly something he has to live with. Alone. Without you.

Thanks so much for your words. Made me smile. And you’re doing an awesome job of being true to yourself.
Keep nurturing yourself and you’ll heal even faster. Things like fresh flowers in your home and a new lipstick add colour and beauty to your daily life. Little treats that make you feel good. That you deserve and the sense of self love ( that you’re worth it) grows. We often feel very unlovable after these relationsh*ts end. Being kind to yourself really helps turn that around.

Much love to you, Lori. ❤️ Hugs and stay away from all bowling venues 😂



Thanks, Lorelle!! I love reading your thoughts – so much love and light to people. Its heartwarming. 🙂

Agreed! 🙂


I love this and could not agree more 🙂 x


Could not have said it any better! Lorelle, you are not alone. I fed off the crumbs and as Natasha says “thinking it was a loaf”. Men like this are narcissistic and need an ego boost. KEEP GOING! <3


Yep! Woman can be like this too. Could not agree more. Thanks Andrea! 🙂 XO


I love you too Lorelle. You have such a gift with words and are able to convey the exact emotions we feel in the most assessable, compassionate and empathetic way.

This brought me to tears. Thank you for bringing more light, love and healing than you’ll ever know. xxxx


You kill me Natasha….”we are not running an emotional daycare” Love it xo


HAHAH 🙂 Thanks Melissa!


Your blog is so awesome – thank you!
I’ve read several of your posts, my situation is that I’m ready to set my boundaries and have no contact with someone who has hurt me twice and needs to figure his shit out and get back to me when he’s done so and treats me better, but I’m not holding out for that happening!
But this week is the first time where I’ll see him and need to ACT on this rule, thank you for reminding me that being all talk and no action is not going to get me anywhere here. I’ve already asked for no contact through text, calls, etc. and that’s still going fine, but being in an environment where I see him a few times a week is a lot tougher.
I feel like I have this blog to look to, and I have two very supportive friends who are my “sponsors”, because I am a bit like an addict with this person who is just not good for me and needs to shape up (and I need to shape up too, to stand my ground).
He’s crossed my boundaries twice. The first time I thought, shame on you! And the second, well, shame on me!
But I feel like my task is to somehow have grace, composure, even be kind, but keep up my protective sphere and not give any ground to a person who I’d give an inch to and he’d try and take a mile. I can’t put up with that I know.
So thanks for your blog again because it’s inspiring me to take action and be strong. It’s so damn hard!!!!


Hi Sasha!

Thank you so much for taking the time to share and for being a part of this tribe 🙂 I’m honored to have helped! You got this!

Just remember that you are loved, supported, understood, believed in and never, EVER alone.

All my love to you. XOX

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