For this New Year’s post, I wanted to bring back my best friend and greatest teacher: My Mom, Tarane. My Mom came up with the concept of the white horse and wrote a very personal guest post a few months back about where the white horse resides. We have been wanting to collaborate on a post together for a while and the New Year seemed like a great opportunity. So, we decided to keep it simple and create a master list of our most powerful motivational quotes, things to remember, and rules to live by going into the New Year.
Each one of these motivational quotes have not only transformed our own relational luck and lives, but they have transformed the relationships and lives of thousands of men and women we have been lucky enough to work with around the world.
These motivational quotes are all directed toward folding from the toxic and mastering healthy relationships – The relationships that we have with our friends, family, romantic partners, and most importantly, the relationship that we have with ourselves.
If you are sick of…
- The mixed signals and mind f*ckery.
- Feeling like you always have to be providing something for your friends, your family, and/or romantic partners for them to notice you in the way you do them, give you the time of day, and treat you with any kind of regard or respect.
- Turning terrible people into collages of your excuses instead of acting on their behavior.
- Outsourcing your empathy and self-worth by investing in “loaf factories” that turn out to be a few moldy crumbs.
- Being the emotional training wheels for f*cktard people in your life that you may be having a hard time cutting off/letting go of.
- Never feeling like you’re enough for anyone (yourself included).
- Being a people pleasing doormat, who inevitably gets ghosted – literally and/or emotionally.
- Attracting narcissistic partners and then feeling like their selfish behavior is a result of something that you did/didn’t do or are/are not.
- Always getting screwed over in your friendships and romantic relationships. You get crucified for doing one fraction of what others have done to these people. And you feel like you’re always at risk for abandonment, judgment, cheating, and for them to recoil without any explanation or clear communication. You’re sick of the relational eggshell walking.
And this year you want to…
- Set healthy boundaries that boost your self-esteem and attract quality people.
- Flush the bullsh*t.
- Feel GREAT about a now clean psychological toilet instead of guilty and beating yourself up for flushing the crap.
- Get rid of crippling anxiety and self-sabotaging insecurity.
- Be able to embrace failure and allow it to propel you into success – Instead of allowing the shame of falling off your white horse to freeze your emotional assets.
- Start calling your own relational shots.
- Get everyone who dishonored you, disrespected you, and broke your trust/heart to regret what they did while you become indifferent to them and their relational amateur hour.
- Feel more confident than you ever have and turn your pain into unf*ckwithable power.
If these are the things you want…
Then this post and these motivational quotes are for YOU.
Here are our top 25 motivational quotes, things to remember & rules to live by to make this New Year your year…
#1: As far as motivational quotes go, this is one of my favorites. I discussed this in my last post and put it on my social media last week. “Words mean nothing without action backing them up. And just like actions supersede words, PATTERNS supersede action. Everything you ever wanted to know about someone’s character and emotional intelligence can be found by taking a look at their patterns. Actions are great and all but remember… ANYONE can do something chivalrous. Anyone can make a buck, spend a buck, book a flight, open a door, put on some lingerie, buy a ring, send flowers, write a card or physically show up. The ability to recognize patterns is what allows you to separate the emotional nostalgia that’s tied to the grandiosity/chivalry of their actions from the TRUTH of their patterns.” – Natasha
#2: “Words and actions are the denominators of personality. Patterns are the denominator of CHARACTER. Always choose character over personality and looks. I grew up being taught to go for a winning personality over good looks. This is a great starting point, but life has taught me to go for character and integrity over personality. A winning personality can be so addicting because it looks impeccable on paper – You can talk all night, finish each other’s sentences, laugh, the banter back and forth is unlike anything else, the flirting, the chivalry, etc. Having character is allowing the other person to know that they can trust you based on patterns that match non-grandiose words. There is nothing sexier than a man/woman with character.” – Natasha
#3: “People will ALWAYS consciously and subconsciously, through their patterns, show you exactly who they are and how they feel about themselves. This has nothing to do with you. Broken people break people, insecure people make others feel as insecure as they do. Happy people are genuinely happy for the success of others. People who gossip to you will gossip about you. Those who feel worthless will always have you questioning your worth. If you felt happy with someone who was toxic, that is nothing more than YOU creating that happiness by pining over potential instead of getting up from the kid’s table you’re sitting at and moving over to the adult’s. Always remember… You are so much more than the people who could not love you, value you, be honest with you, or see your worth. Their blindness is not a reflection of your value – It’s an affirmation that you were the mirror and that they hate their reflection.” – Natasha
#4: “Someone could give you all of the physical attention in the world, but if they are ignoring you emotionally, losing them will never be a loss. It’s a giant win. Stop telling yourself that you ‘lost’ a toxic person that you gave everything to. You WON. You GAINED a second chance.” – Natasha
#5: “If you don’t ACT on the recognition of being a toxic person’s victim, you immediately become a volunteer by default. Never volunteer to be the diapers for emotional pants sh*tters.” – Natasha
#6: “If someone shows you through their patterns that you’re Plan B, show them through your actions that they’re Plan BYE.”
#7: “Get rid of anyone who treats you giving them a chance as though that means they’ll have multiple ones.” – Natasha
#8: “If you wouldn’t be turned on by and date a physical deadbeat who lacked ambition, stop dating emotionally unambitious deadbeats.” – Natasha
#9: “Unless you want to be crazy-labeled and feed the ego of the person who dishonored you, never explain what the consequences of their behavior ‘will be,’ SHOW them. You should never feel like you have to motivate someone to keep a promise that THEY made to you before they got their needs met. I’ve had people hurt me (I’ve done my fair share of hurting too) and then realize what they did, apologize, and shape up. And that’s great, especially when it’s genuine. After that though, they wonder why I’m not the same. Bottom line – there are long-term consequences to breaking someone’s heart and trust. Especially if they broke it more than once. Think about it like a bone – If you break your arm once, you will most likely have a full recovery and recover relatively quickly. But, if you break it multiple times, it will not only take longer to recover, but there will be long-term effects of the multiple breaks.” – Natasha
#10: “Up until a few years ago, I empathized to a detriment with people’s INTENTIONS – especially when it came to family members and lovers. I knew that their intentions weren’t bad and that deep down, they loved me… But I always ended up short-changed and heartbroken in the end. I realized that family, lovers, and friends can love me with all their heart. They could never INTEND to hurt me, but you will never live a life on your terms if you continue to put up with other people’s dysfunction as a result of an intention that you may know deep down, but that their actions and subsequent patterns negate. Just like you can’t be someone’s crutches if they aren’t able to walk, you can’t finish people’s emotional sentences for them. Stop trying. Start WALKING. I was NOT the victim here. Remember – Your boundaries and tolerations go hand-in-hand. You will only tolerate people who treat you no worse than you’re ALREADY treating yourself. My problem was that I was allowing the good intentions of others (because we had history, they were related to me, I knew they weren’t a “bad” person, they were nice to other people, etc.), to fog my vision in regard to the hurtful dysfunctionality of their actions and patterns.” – Natasha
#11: “Recently, my best friend (I wrote a blog post about one of our text conversations here), told me that I’m the most empathetic person he’s ever known and that I am also the most unempathetic person he’s ever known. This made me laugh because we know each other so well, I knew exactly what he meant. Because I don’t outsource my empathy, I’m able to love, empathize, and connect with people on a level that most can’t. Conversely, I don’t empathize to the point that it starts to cost me – my health, sanity, happiness, self-respect, boundaries, and sense of reality. This used to induce a lot of guilt because we are taught from a young age to empathize with everyone at all costs. The moment that someone dishonors you, you are under no obligation to continue to put yourself in their shoes to try and figure out why they did what they did. The only obligation you have is to take care of yourself, maintain healthy boundaries, and get the f*ck out of dodge. I don’t make a big production out of it and kick and scream, I just fold. This is how you become the one that got away and this is how you get people to regret how they treated you (remember: if they had the capacity to treat you terribly, they are ONLY going to be capable of selfish regret, not genuine remorse). I may not outsource my empathy but because of that, I live a much more peaceful, drama-free and happy life. I’m also able to love, connect, and empathize that much deeper.” – Natasha
#12: “Keep in mind that life is a sexually transmitted syndrome. It’s terminal and we are all inflicted. We begin to die from the moment we are conceived. Keeping this in mind enables you to stop wasting your precious time and energy trying to change/convince someone that you’re worthy of their love.” – Tarane
#13: “Go for actuality and stop hoping for the potential to actualize. Know what your deal- breakers are and don’t compromise. As women, most of us are raised to fall in love with potential. To see enough possibilities in the frog and the beast, to fall in love with the prince they may become, to kiss them and ‘break the spell.’ Consequently, we master the ability to infuse emotion into just about anything. We then romanticize it, sexualize it, idealize it, potentialize it, dramatize it, fall in love with it even when we know it’s not good for us. We gradually convince ourselves to ignore the red and pink flags. Even in the face of personal negative experience with the frogs and unmistakable misbehaviors of the beasts, we doubt and deny our very own reality. Instead, we must know what our deal-breakers are before becoming involved with someone and not negotiate or settle for anything that compromises those deal breakers and our boundaries.” – Tarane
#14: “Trust and listen to your gut. We have all heard this but what does it really mean? Your gut or intuition is made up of several components. Your gut is comprised of your thinking mind, your feeling heart, and your sensing body as they experience the external and the internal world. We are bombarded with a steady flow of internal triggers, external demands, information that separates and distracts us from paying mindful attention to this amazing trio. Instead of paying attention to what our minds, hearts, and bodies are telling us about the person we are in a relationship with, we obsessively invest more time, energy and love in an attempt to convert the nonbeliever to believe in our love and our relationship. We become emotional and relational missionaries who continue to work hard to convince him/her to become a believer in our worth and value. We argue, defend, cry, beg, barter, negotiate and even threaten, hoping that with enough effort, the infidel will believe. When he/she refuses to believe and even disgraces us and the relationship, we stay in denial, ignore the signs, ask why they won’t believe after everything that we have done for them. Eventually, we either break up or break down. This why we rehash the past – all the effort, the pain, the arguments, the drama of converting the nonbeliever. We rehearse the future when he/she fails to convert– We can stay in this time zone for very long periods of time. Listening mindfully to your inner compass, your guiding trio, your gut can help you stay away from the none- believers. Choose to invest your time and energy in someone who sees your worth, your value, and does not need you to be their emotional missionary, converting him/her to believe in you/ your worth/your relationship.” – Tarane
#15: “Stop giving people credit that they haven’t earned. I was 28 years old when I discovered that regardless of who I am and how I present myself, there are basically 3 groups of people! Group 1: Those who like me. These folks give me positive credit that I haven’t earned. They like me because I or something about me reminds them of a positive experience with someone I remind them of. Group 2: Those who dislike me. These folks assign negative credit that I haven’t earned to me. They dislike me because I or something about me reminds them of a negative experience with someone I remind them of. These two groups have a psychological allergic reaction to me. It has nothing to do with me. They are reacting to what I trigger for them positively and negatively, respectively. Group 3: Those who can be objective. These folks will give me positive or negative credit based on my actions, our interactions, and our relationship. We all have psychological allergies to some folks and can be psychological allergens to others. Loving someone begins with loving oneself. Loving oneself is not possible without self-knowledge. You must know your psychological allergies, look for people from group 3 who are not triggered by you, and learn how to deal with the other two groups.” *more on this later – in another post 🙂 – Tarane
#16: “Never ask a question that your gut already knows the answer to. The Red flag is having to ask that question. Act on it.” – Tarane
#17: “Value your most prized possession: Your time. Flush the relationship and emotional toilet when you’re done. Spending valuable time, effort, and energy with what your mind, body, and emotions need to expel will not change or improve what’s in that toilet. If you’re done and have already had the talk, then don’t explain over and over again. Wipe, get up, and just flush. Don’t forget to wash your hands.” – Tarane
#18: “If you don’t love and respect yourself enough to act on red flags, you’ll never respect anyone who truly respects you. No matter how much you claim to want it.” – Natasha
#19: “The moment you give anyone’s deception the time of day is the moment you activate your own self-deception.” – Natasha
#20: You are not what happens to you. You are who you choose to become because of what happens to you” – Tarane
#21: “Make your dignified actions after his deception be his karma and allow that deception to be your northern star – pointing you on your way to better.” – Natasha
#22: “Healthy relationships require mutual respect, mutual trust, shared purpose, and mindful communication. Don’t ever let fear, loneliness, desperation or a perceived lack of options overlook disrespect, distrust, opposing goals and ineffective communication.” – Tarane
#23: “The success of a relationship is not measured by how long it lasts. If you are able to answer the following questions, then the relationship is/ was successful even if it ended: Did I learn about who I am? Did I face and overcome any of my fears? What is/was my source of power in this relationship Do/did we mutually respect and trust each other despite opposing goals?” – Tarane
#24: “Stop getting flattered by endless apologies and take note of repeated offenses by the same or different offenders. If you keep facing the same offenses (like lies, cheating etc.) by different offenders, then stop. Seek to understand and know yourself instead of getting the other person to understand you. Get to know why you keep finding the same challenges with different people. Stop defining commitment as taking someone back after their patterns have shown they are incapable of honesty, love, and respect. Losing someone should not be the prerequisite for noticing his/her value” – Tarane
#25: “Embrace the permanence of impermanence. Everything good or bad is temporary. Simplify, be kind with your words and actions, love and forgive yourself and stay on your white horse.” – Tarane
I’ve got so much for you guys in 2019 that I can’t wait to share 🙂 Thank you for being a part of this tribe. Wishing you all a New Year as incredible and beautiful as you are.
xx Natasha & Tarane
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