“Is he emotionally available? How do I know for sure?”
This is a question I get asked a lot and one that I’ve struggled with for years because I kept complicating a natural detection process that was very simple.
Once I figured out how to spot an emotionally available guy before oxytocin, ovulating over potential, and “I’m-going-to-be-special-enough-for-him-to-change,” kicked in, I was able to save my own emotional life.
I know I talk a lot about emotional unavailability in my posts – how to spot it and how to understand it. But what about being able to tell if he’s emotionally available? This does not just apply to the guy you’re with. How about being able to spot emotional availability in friends, coworkers, and family members?
You can’t have a fully functioning, healthy relationship without BOTH partners being emotionally present. Just like you can’t have a beating heart without blood pumping through it.
Sometimes, when we begin to learn about emotional unavailability, we get so caught up in spotting the emotionally unavailables, we forget how to spot the people that actually HAVE their emotional sh*t together.
The great thing about being able to detect whether someone is emotionally available/unavailable is that once you truly know, you are able to reclaim your power and peace.
“Is he emotionally AVAILABLE?”
Here’s how to know for sure…
You’ll know someone is emotionally available if your relationship with them is easy.
You heard me. EASY.
Yeah, we’re all told that relationships aren’t easy and that they take work and while that is true, I’m referring to emotional ease here.
There’s no questioning, no anxiety, and no mixed signals. There’s no guessing. No wondering how he feels, where he stands or what he’s thinking.
You feel safe in communicating your truth and being yourself – just as you are. You don’t feel at risk for him abandoning, recoiling, ghosting or dumping you if you tell him how you feel, what you’re thinking or ask him a serious question. This is how true love is often described and why I believe it such a rarity.
If you’re like I used to be and your self-esteem is nonexistent, you’ll know that you’re involved with someone who is emotionally available if you feel bored.
You’ve been conditioned to believe that unless validation-seeking blood, sweat, and tears have gone into it, it’s not valuable. Basically, if you don’t have to work for it, it holds no value to you. This is how negative relationship patterns and beliefs are established and the longer you stay in this state of delusion, the harder it becomes to undo.
Don’t forget (I cannot stress this enough)…
- We ALL attract (and are attracted to) relationships that reflect the one that we have with ourselves.
- If we are emotionally unavailable ourselves, we will spend our lives chasing after the recognition, validation, and love of people who are just as unavailable.
- We will always end up with people that make us feel how we deep down, feel about ourselves.
We sabotage good relationships or get “bored” with good guys because we have yet to un-constipate our own emotional backup and deal with our low self-esteem. We look to other people to “make us happy.”
You’ll know who you are dealing with by the way his actions and patterns consistently make you feel. And when you have healthy levels of self-esteem, emotional consistency will get your libido going instead of an inconsistent and dysfunctional rollercoaster.
Emotionally unavailable guys rely on cheap talk and empty, future faking promises.
And you deserve so much more than just words.
+ If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here.