“I have no friends.” I’ve said this to myself countless times, even when I had friendships in my life. I felt lonely, misunderstood and never felt like I had a friend that gave or was willing to give and do for me what I would always so willingly give/do at the drop of a dime.

I was the overzealous “how high?!!” panting puppy when any of my friends even HINTED at “jump.”

There are times in my life where I’ve felt more alone in friendships and relationships than if I were to physically be alone… sitting in a cardboard box… with no wifi… no cell phone… in the middle of nowhere.

And that’s the thing about friendsh*ts and relationsh*ts – they don’t ever prove to be anything more than a very temporary emotional pacifier; a bandage on rapidly growing cancer that ultimately highlights the one thing they’re supposed to erase: The “I have no friends,” “is it just me?” “am I the only one who feels this way?” LONELINESS.

I used to have a ton of friends, literally. I had a cell phone full of people that I could call and social media profiles that proved to the world how friendly and bff/maid of honor/bridesmaid/ride or die capable I was. I had plans every night of the week (for even the most mundane stuff); always someone to talk to, listen to or problem solve for.

I collected friendsh*ts because to me, they were badges; purple hearts of negation and exoneration.

1 part negation + 1 part exoneration soon =’d the gasoline that my emotional engine couldn’t function without.

Because we always attract what we exude and our relationships will forever mirror the one that we have with ourselves, I had no choice but to rely on QUANTITY.

I assumed that a high volume of friends was a precursor to relational quality.

And because I had so many “friendships,” I used the high number of friendsh*ts that I had procured to play the ultimate, Mortal-Combat-mind-f*ckery on myself.

As I’ve said before, no one has ever mind f*cked, hurt or screwed me over more than I have to myself. As long as I had all of these “friendships,” it negated and “proved wrong,” that the problem was EVER me – in my romantic relationships, business, familial relationships and LIFE.

I couldn’t attract a connected, empathetic and mutual romantic relationship to save my life, but as long as I had a rolodex full of “friendships,” it completely shut down the possibility of me ever being the problem. I mean… if I was capable of THIS MANY amazing friendships, I was clearly capable of being (and attracting) an amazing parter in a romantic sense.

There was a huge problem though… everything that these friendsh*ts seriously LACKED, I was not only incapable of, but these incapabilities of mine were tenets that are integral to the kind of romantic relationship I felt spoiled-brat entitled to.

Intimacy, empathy, connection, meaning… NONE of these existed in my friendsh*ts because they didn’t exist in the relationsh*t I had with myself.

Failure truly is success without intimacy, meaning or connection.

This bullsh*t exoneration proved to be about as ridiculous as using my baby blanket as a comforter for my grown adult bed and then complaining about the lack of warmth. I felt lost without my “binky” of emotional vampiric, fake friends and soon became the living, breathing definition of emotional thumb sucking. I couldn’t do anything alone and felt worthless without a “friend” by my side. It was a bad look – but ONLY to the RIGHT kind of people (the kind of people that I so wanted to attract). To the other sheep, I was just making my way to MVP-status of a game in which the house always wins.

Having a lot of friendsh*ts busied me up to the point where I didn’t have to deal with myself. I was always caught up in some drama… doing something lame, spending money I didn’t have or being someone’s on-call, “I’ll be right over!” therapist or cheerleader (never my own).

It also enabled me to start equating being needed with being wanted, which made me a sitting duck/magnet for romantic relationsh*ts.

Soon, the “numbers” and social media stats lost their luster, as I began to incur the cost of investing in and spreading an un-spreadable investment over the friendsh*t masses. I was left with low quality, lackluster, zero-connection-but-please-tag-me-in-your-photo, FLUFF.

And at that moment I realized… “I have no friends.”

I Have No Friends: Why This Isn't Necessarily A Bad Thing

Today, I have no friends (I’ll explain).

I keep to myself MUCH more, but I have the most profound, magical, layered, dimensional, MUTUAL and gratifying relationships that I never thought I could have.

Here’s how + why the “I have no friends” realization isn’t really that bad.

Natasha Adamo I Have No Friends: Why This Isn't Necessarily A Bad Thing

Here’s what I’ve learned about the “I have no friends” feeling/realization + why keeping your circle small is the only way to go:

  • Today, I have no friends.

    I have a few close relationships in my life (4 to be exact), that are so meaningful to me, referring to these people as a “friend,” would be an insult at this point. These are the family that I’ve chosen for myself, the lights that amplify my own and the mates, who my soul has recognized from day 1. How did I finally attract this level of quality? I first learned to enjoy my own company – I stopped auditioning in my relationships, started connecting and soon… quantity started to give me an emotional gag reflex because I had already tasted the heaven of quality.

    Of course, I have a lot of acquaintances in my life that I hang out with from time to time. These are people that I genuinely care about and enjoy. However, these relationships now have a more realistic place in my life. They aren’t my priority because I’m no longer looking for volume to = meaning. I’m thus able to appreciate my acquaintance relationships on a zero-stress level because I have no expectations and there’s no longer this lurking background pressure to somehow grow a rose garden out of cement.

  • As your circle gets smaller, the value of the ones in it exponentially increases.

    If you’re thinking “I have no friends,” it’s because whatever friendships you’ve had/have lack meaning, connection and value. Tighten your circle, EVEN IF that means you’re the only one in it for the time being. Stop watering dead plants (friendsh*ts) and start watering YOU with YOU. Your health, new-found happiness and “I-can’t-believe-this-is-real-life,” future will thank you. Friendship isn’t a numbers game. It’s part of the JOY of being – not the bullsh*t/drama/never appreciated/MISERY of being. I keep my circle sooo small, but the level of trust, joy, meaning and connection makes me PROUD of that number, never ashamed or anxious.

  • What really matters in life.

    If you’re in friendsh*ts where you feel undervalued, unappreciated, never truly understood and perpetually fearful of abandonment, wtf’s the point? It took me having a serious health scare years ago, getting off my emotional ass and CREATING a life of my own, to realize that I only have so much time, energy and capacity. I became very aware of who I was spending my time with, how it affected me and where I was thus channeling my thoughts, beliefs and actions.

  • You’ll attract soulmate-status relationships in your life when you surrender.

    Surrender to the “I have no friends.” Surrender to your dysfunction, your patterns and quietly observe it all until you’re so sick of it, you become more fearful of staying on the treadmill going nowhere than you are of potentially falling, but finally being OFF.

    Own it, FEEL every ounce of it and then REALIZE THIS – You’ve been rolling with the most badass BFF all along: YOU. You are the only one who’s been with you through it ALL. And here you are… still right by your own side.

    Once you start to enjoy your own company, don’t be surprised by the allergic reaction that others have to your evolution. I coach a billionaire and he’s one of the loneliest people I know (except when he’s around other billionaires, which is few and far between). When you’re a billionaire, it’s hard for even your millionaire friends to be able to afford the things you like to do, so… everything is generally always on your dime.

    When you become an emotional billionaire, you realize that engaging with the friendsh*t masses is always going to be on your emotional dime. And just like that… It doesn’t seem so attractive any longer. Substance starts to outweigh meaningless numbers, “likes,” “comments,” and having Friday night plans that only highlight your loneliness.

If you’re thinking to yourself “I have no friends,” and you’re working on loving yourself, having your own back and obliterating stagnation through evolution, consider this…

I can’t tell you how many readers from across the world have made the most profound, soul-mate status friendships on this site, through the comments section below the posts. You are never alone and if you ever find yourself in “no-one-gets-me,” friendsh*t hell, guess what?…

There’s someone reading these very words with you, right now, who’s soul can recognize yours. 

xo, Natasha

if you need further or more personalized help, please look into working with me here

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26 comments

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This couldn’t be more true. Having a close circle is the best. <3

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🙂 Agreed! Love you sister! xoxo

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Natasha dearest,

It’s been a while since we last spoke and I swear, this is too much of a sign that the universe delivers what you need exactly at the right time you need it. The other day I was wondering myself was it a bad thing that I don’t have a lot of friends like I use to do in my 20s, back in the days I had numerous of ” friens” that I could do whatever with them but connecting and bulding a long lasting, meaningful friendships. Then here comes your post, just right on time….

I hug you tight and send you lots of love from Switzerland. Just to let you know that even though we don’t speak much, you’re still there in my heart, my healer!
XXX
❤❤❤

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Annie! Hi soul sister 🙂 !! You are loved, missed and thought of so very often <3 I'm happy that this post helped. Thank you for allowing me to feel less alone in these emotions. You've got me for life and I can't wait to come visit. Please come to LA too! 🙂 All my love to you and the BIGGEST hug! xxxx

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Wow! Yes. Small circles and letting go of friendships that no longer suit you. I’ve wasted too many years on “friends” because of our long term friendship only to realize it was dragging me downward.

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YES! So happy that the post served you 🙂 Thanks Jen! XO

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This was incredibly profound and beautifully written. At a very young age, I lost people who I thought were “my people”. When life handed me one, they were gone like the wind. So refreshing to read what has weighed on my heart and mind for sometime. Natasha, thank you for being my go-to.

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Thank you so much Danielle <3 your comment made me tear up. You get it. Thank you so much for sharing. I truly thought I was alone in this for so long. You're incredible 🙂 Thanks for being YOU. XOX

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I am 52 and have no friends presently because 6 months ago I was so fed up with the BS that I outright told them I didn’t want to associate, hang out,or be friends anymore. It was the ballsiest thing I’ve probably ever done and also so refreshing! I felt a huge burden off my shoulders and I was so proud of myself. One of the girls I dropped actually said to me she had never had anyone tell her” I don’t want to be friends with you anymore” and was impressed by my courage and honesty. This isn’t 6th grade. We are adults and it’s a difficult conversation to have with adult women but it is necessary if you want to end the BS for good. These girls, among others I have dropped in the last 5 years were NOT there for me. It was always about THEIR drama, THEIR pain, THEIR husbands and I became THEIR Therapist. I recently went through a bad divorce from a cheating Narcissistic man ( yes, there’s a pattern here with picking crappy people). None of my friends were there for me after my divorce when I needed support. I realized that not only was my Mother and Husband Narcissistic but MOST of my girlfriends as well. I knew then I needed to clean up the CRAP in my life and rediscover ME.
Thank you Natasha for this timely article and for letting me know It’s OK to be alone or even lonely at times so I can focus on moving forward. Choosing Values. I’m standing up for myself. Taking care of myself. Loving myself!

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YES! You go girl 🙂 Thank YOU so much for sharing Kristin and for being a part of this tribe <3 You are such an inspiration! You're incredible. Sending BIG love and hugs your way. XOXO

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Like someone said the timing is perfect. I’ve been down sizing everything in my life lately. Including friends and family members that drain the life out of me . These are people that think the world revolves around them. I would go on vacation with these so called friends I had at the time and never said anything. But, I always came home tried and literally needed a vacation from them. It only took me 51 years to finally stand up to them. At this point in my life I’d rather be alone then miserable with fake friends.

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Could not agree more! 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing! You’re doing the right thing. I want to hug and high-five you simultaneously! XOXO

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Natasha! you did it again!!! This post is just what’s been going on in my life. I found your website almost 2 years ago after I dumped my narcissistic ex and every post always has such important meaning to my life and led to my growth! I’ve ditched the relationsh*ts and friendsh*ts and have focused on myself, staying on the white horse. Through this evolution I’ve lost some people, but its been such a relief and weight off my shoulders, that I feel more abundance and peace in my life then feeling a lack of. Thank you so much for these posts! xoxo Sandy

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Hi Sandy! First off, all of the gratitude goes to YOU <3 Thank you for being with me from the beginning. I can't put into words how much it means to me and how happy for and proud of you I am. You go girl.

Love to you soul sis 🙂 xoxo

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Ugh, you are the friend I always wanted.

Never stop writing!!

Thank you

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You got me sister! 🙂 I’m the one who should be thanking YOU.

So glad that the post served you! Sending you so much love. XOXO

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This is so inspiring! I am 25 years old and I’ve reached a point in my life where I no longer want to entertain toxic friendships and relationships. I have been working so hard to heal from the negativity and fear of losing others, and it is so empowering. It does get lonely at times but I have truly never been happier!

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YAAAAA that’s what I like to hear! Thanks for sharing Anu 🙂 Sending you love. XOXO

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I needed this post more then you know…. I just found out that the girl I was staying with that took me in while I was going through the break up was feeding information to my ex….. my most embarrassing moments, my crazy, my freak outs, he knows it all and told me and there is only one person who knew and that’s her. I feel betrayed and utterly heartbroken. It’s worse then my breakup with my ex. I need to be the girl that loves herself again the girl that doesn’t count friends or people or Facebook friends. Thank you for this Natasha I needed it.

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I’m so sorry to hear about that Jacki. I know how you feel <3 You're loved, supported and believed in. So glad that the post helped 🙂 xoxo

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This post really made me think about who I am choosing to keep in my life and if they bring value. I went through my phone and deleted anyone who hasn’t reached out to me this year (just in the past 7 months). Friends, family, exes… everyone in my phone was evaluated. I didn’t have a ton to begin with (because I am really particular about giving my number out) but I literally now have 25 contacts in my phone. And 7 of them are businesses (Dr’s, services, restaurants, etc). But by doing this I realize how alone I am and how loniless is the predominant feeling in my life right now. Maybe it’s what the universe is serving up for my growth at this time but sometimes I feel like I will never meet people who will understand, share the same interests/ideals/passions as me, or a people who find value in me the same way I find value in them. (Friends or partner). It just brings me down sometimes. Maybe some day i will be able to meet my “tribe”.

Anyway, I am pretty sure I have read all of your posts and they have made my life at least 1000% better because you have helped me take action in my life. Thank you. ❤

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Hi Amanda! I LOVE cleaning out my contacts 🙂 The universe is creating space for you <3 it's a good thing. I know it hurts and can be scary. You've got a tribe right here, supporting you every step of the way + a girlfriend and soul sister in me.

I'm honored to have helped and so proud of you Amanda. You go girl. XOXO

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Wow Natasha, what a great topic to blog about. Amazed at how well you can articulate it. I’m always shocked at the guest lists for weddings! If i were to have a ceremony it would be 30 people maximum. I have always been an introvert and old soul person who has at the most only had 4 friends, one being my sister. I always thought dating would be difficult because of it. Perhaps he may think I’m not friendly or not nice. But as I get older I think others respect it more and more.
Never stop writing.

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Hi Mari! LOL SAME. If I didn’t elope, I’d definitely keep it small 🙂 You’re so right; I couldn’t agree more. The RIGHT people respect it <3 I promise to never stop.

Can't tell you how much your love, support and sisterhood mean to me. Sending you big love. XOXO

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I usually write a few words when I comment but this has been hard for me to comment on. Pretty much though, often you do write about what’s on my mind.

That Tupac quote is gold. I’m going to type it up and print it for my bedroom wall.

I think the mental ‘wellness’ we all seek is so tied to how we view relationships. I’m trying to give myself a time out at the moment. It’s almost a year since I lost my Mum. Now that was a relationship about unconditional and pure ❤️ love.

I moved to a new place this year and making connections takes time. I realise I’m not into fitting others’ expectations anymore – I really just want to be my most authentic self. So I’m friendly but taking my time, if that makes sense.

But that Tupac quote is quite profound. It reminds me of something my sweet mother told me when I was at school….that the first people who seemed to want to be my friend would not always turn out to be the right friends for me. ‘Take your time, just be you”.
So true.

Thanks Natasha. ❤️❤️❤️ So much xxxx

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Hi Lorelle!

I couldn’t agree more about taking your time <3 It's something that I didn't learn the importance of until a few years ago.

I'm so deeply sorry for your loss Lorelle <3 That relationship is the most unconditional and pure. My Mother has been battling cancer for the last year and a half. Whenever it gets hard, I'm going to think of you - your strength, all you've endured and your resilience. You are such a bright, healing and inspiring light Lorelle. I know how proud your Mother is of you and I thank you for shining her light, love and knowledge (that lives within you and always will), with us all 🙂

BIG love to you soul sister. xxxxx

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