99 comments

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Amen sista

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TRUEEEEEEE

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This was one of my biggest worries because the ex has been instagraming his new life, new girlfriend and seems oh so happy without me HA. You write so well and you’re so so sarcastic – LOVE IT!

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🙂 XOXO

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Just what I needed Natasha 😊 I have seen him with this other girl and deep down I know he hasn’t changed. I think she’s the type to not tolerate his bs so he likes the chase, towards the end of our relationship he said terrible things to me that I still think about. I honestly hope she sees his bad side soon… He thinks the grass is greener on the other side but it won’t be. I made a sweet escape xxx

Thanks 😛

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Yes.You.Did.

I’m proud of you Liv <3 And just remember... People can't help but communicate who they are and we all eventually unfold. xxxxxxx

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Im just going through this situation. He showed off his new girl on my face after spending almost five years together.. and this article is totally right. He couldnt be with me because i was always complaining about his behaviour and it was my fault that our relationship ended that way. He said he wanted someone who showed him how happy she was with the little time he used to spend with me and all the texting he used to do with other girls.. i suffocated him because of my jelouspy.. . (his words)

Hi Yeny, I’m going through the same thing, it seems I have easily been replace by another girl. They seem so happy and I’m so sad. I’d like to communicate with you if that is ok

Gina: of course we can communicate. My email is [email protected]

XOXO

Gina: of course we can communicate. My email es [email protected]

I feel the same way. Nearly 5 years together and now hes off with someone else. I feel like i got him ready for her and now hes the ‘happiest hes ever been!’

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I just saw the ex at the gym tonight…I was the one who got him the membership and he never used it. Now, he is working on himself and I feel like he is going to look fantastic! He even cut his hair and trimmed his beard. He didn’t fully take care of himself in our relationship…now out of it – he is and it’ll just prove his point he is better off without me. That is how I’m feeling right now. I feel like eventually his core will change now that he is “working” on himself.

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Hi Nicole,
I know how maddening it is and I know how hard it must have been to see him. I’ve gone through the same thing too and it sucks. YOU are better off without him. Someone’s core does not change just because they trim their beard and go to the gym on a membership that they have for free. If that was the case, gyms and hair salons would be A LOT more packed; they’d have lines out the doors! He is still the same guy. I promise you. I know it’s hard but don’t tie your worth, value (or lack there of) to the actions of others. You’re not alone. Keep coming back here and readying the posts. xx

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Hey Nicole, just read your post and I know how you feel, same situation as with my ex, he’s going all out to change his ways and be a better man in his new relationship, he’s learnt from his mistakes and now knows how to make it work with his new gf (if he truly wants to)
that’s why you met him, people come into your life for a reason, your taught him how to treat a real woman, (he taught you to raise your standards and never let a man make you feel unworthy as YOU deserve better than him and you will only find a better man who truly loves and will never leave (as in my case too)
I always keep in the back of my mind that leopards NEVER change their spots lol
They are truly selfish and WILL always go back to their true core (once he is comfortable again)

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I couldn’t agree more! 🙂 xoxo

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This one of truest articles ever written! Yes people can changed, but TRUST they don’t. I don’t care what you ex is doing its a mask, believe me when I tell you he’s taking it home at night just like you. Just like it says the more you detach the clearer you can think, once that happens you are on your way to becoming whole and be an even better woman for having gone through it. TRUST ME! Praying for your best 🙂

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xoxo

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Omg how true is this! You are so right, it’s their true core and they will never change! My ex knew I was way too good for him but acted the opposite, like I should be privileged! He left me 2 times to get back with a previous ex twice and got engaged to her, then came back to me (yeah I know I must be stupid!!!). and then he chased a younger blonde bimbo he works with (while we were together unknown to me at the time) this girl had been single for 6mnths after ending her 3mth marriage wtf! He’s happy now, she lives 5 mins from him (I lived 90 mins away) works at the same place as him, so it’s all convenient lol and she is a smartass cocky bitch who makes him look dumbass on Facebook!
But I learned my lesson, yes I still miss the **** and the good times we had but he made my heart stronger and I will never ever go a 4th time with him and he knows it! I know my true worth, and what I deserve and what I want now, thanks to him! (And she can have him and his little dick!!!! Hehe)

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LOL! You go girl. I’m proud of you! Keep coming back here and know that you’re never alone. It’s okay to miss him still but you are doing the right thing by having your own back and doing whats best for you xoxo

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Thank you Natasha xxoo
I feel good and I know I’ll be ok and stronger than ever! (I’ll never let a man take advantage of me again and I’ve learnt the difference of who is truly worthy:)
Nice to know I’m not alone and this site gave me added emotional support that I needed xxxxxx
Proud of myself, i look out for me! Preselection and choices, who I let in now and he has to romance me and go all out and prove his love or f*** off lol
Different mindset, and I thank him for that, as I’m in control, finally!
Dating is going to be so much fun now ????

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You GO girl. xxxx :))

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Mine kept talking to me, then posted photos of him and a girl half his age in a hotel room gazing at each other. He always refused to post photos of us because he wanted to be private. She’s been posting how she misses him…after 2 weeks together.

I keep thinking he’s going to be the amazing man I knew during the first few months with her and she will get the best of him.

I keep asking myself why he chose her and not me. Why he kept texting me like nothing was wrong weeks after he posted those photos. Why he called me crazy when I confronted him.

I did think he was the one, and I was so patient when he claimed to be too busy to text me every day while traveling. I feel like a piece of garbage. Like I wasn’t young enough (I’m still 12 years younger than him!), or pretty enough.

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No hon – you were more than good enough. Its strange how when you read other people’s posts the clarity not having any emotion to cloud your mind gives you – but I do know how you feel. Hope you feel better soon.

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I can’t tell you how much I needed to read this. After my ex broke up with me because he ‘wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship, but if he did it would be with me’, I have held a torch for him for (this is embarrassing) almost a year. Despite the fact that he had gotten back together with his ex – the one he had thought was ‘The One’ – and they’d been dating for about five months, he told me in the same conversation that he ‘sometimes wondered if he made a mistake.’ He restricted me on Facebook (a blessing in disguise), but is the happy, picture-taking, adorable profile picture type with this girl that he never was with me. I sometimes wonder if he was trying to hide me from her, because I really feel like he was hiding her from me for a while.

I’m officially done with the parts of me that try and excuse things saying that he just needs to figure things out. I’m worth more than that. I don’t even know his ex, but she’s worth more than that, too. It’s hard to imagine that anyone will make me feel like he did, but even if I don’t find that again, this helped me realize that it came at too high a cost. He won’t change. Thank you so much for writing this.

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Hi Alex,

Thank YOU so much for reading and for sharing your experiences. You are so, SO right. I’m so glad that the post served you 🙂 xoxo

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I just read this and wanted to burst out crying. I was married for 25 years and he cheated on me twice and the second time he walked out, he never looked back. He seems so happy, has a new girlfriend and is moving on with his life, not a care in the world and it is like I never existed. I am trying every day to forget about him and some days are easier than others. Thank you for the words of encouragement. Just taking it day by day and I know that one day he will get his two-fold. I have always said you can change a lot of things but you can’t change the core, the foundation, of who you are. I know that I am so much better off, now I just have to believe it.

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Hi Kristin,

I can only imagine how hard it is. Keep coming back here to the blog and just know that you’re not alone. xoxo

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This is perfect. I left mine. Five years and he cheated on me I think quite often and did things like borrow money etc. He rejected me sexually but said nothing was wrong. He made me feel ugly and I’m not everyone e tellse I’m gorgeous (that is embarrassing to write lol) bit I don’t see it myself. He has never been faithful i heard. It’s a long story and I won’t bore you but it still hurts. He has someone else and so do I, but I still torture myself, that I was not good enough that he’s being g the perfect man with her. It holds me from giving my whole self. He did grieve for about a year after I left but still was texting me up to last yr when he was with her. Anyway I’m exhausted with it. I just needed to read this and know that I did the right thing .. that he is still a cheating man who loves himself. He hurt me immeasurably. Xx sorry.

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No need to ever apologize! You’re not alone. I’m so glad that this post served you xxxxx

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Can I ask – anyone – his whatsapp profile now has a pic of him and her in a posed smacker kiss type thing – you know the whole pucker up selfie post – cant see her face and from side but but his eyes closed etc.. Here the thing : does this mean he is more into her than he was with me -he did not post profile pics with me but we did have lots done together although I have to say I dont post selfies of partners with me – its my phone/my social media!. Could he have ACTUALLY changed into a caring one woman man whom he loves – or is it : just a pic – a snapshot of a moment – which says nothing really or is saying actually quite a lot – whatever way you look at it.

I have decided to get some counselling to help me with this dilema. I promise to you all out there I WILL NOT look at his pic or anything to do with him any more. I just need some words on this one point.

The pain has been immeasurable – the self doubt crushing and it has dimmed me as a person.

Love and hug to all of you xxx Thank you for your advice.

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It doesn’t mean he’s changed. I’m proud of you. Take care of YOU. You’re not alone xoxo

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you cheered me up girl and i have been reading this over and over again for the last 2 months because its bring a smile on my face when i know my loser ex is not happy with the new downgrade gf like he show on the social media, he start dating her one week after messy breakup.
i don’t have him he blocked me but sometimes friends tell me.. he said it to me months before the breakup how bad is this girl i don’t believe he end up dating her after 6 months still hurt lil bit but honestly i’m so much better without him for 3 years he lied to me about everything and cheated on me and i forgave him just because his sweet words i sometimes now think he didn’t even love me and it was all lie even if i was his really longest relationship he cared a lot about me but didn’t stop lying !! , but after reading your article i’m sure the day will come when his new happy life will end specially his new gf is crazy b**** just because she has curves to show she think she can play games …

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Hi Nora!

I’m so happy that the post was helpful 🙂 thank you so much. Stay strong, turn inward and keep having your own back. You deserve so much more than a non-mutual relationship xo

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Perhaps my ex does love her more than he did me and he has changed. Perhaps it is just that simple.

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Hi! I’m new to this blog and I am not sure I believe you. ( Not in a mean sense, but just that I believe he has changed). Throughout our relationship I asked him to please stop contacting his ex and to set boundaries with all of his other “friends” that he would meet at the bar. He refused and said that “you are my girl, and they know it, you have nothing to worry about.” I did everything for him and was supportive during his darkest times, I even put my dreams on hold to help him in his time of need. He drained me, and I started to resent him, but I didn’t think he would leave me…ever…until he did. At the time we were on and off, but still acting like a couple. But to my surprise he had someone new. His new girlfriend is long distance, of his same culture , and they have been dating for 3 months. He never told me about her, I found out because one day she answered his phone and said “I am his girlfriend “. I was in complete shock and lost my mind. They moved really fast, and are going to be engaged. (She hit him with the I think I am late text). I was with him for 5.5 years, how did he move on so quickly, and even more devastating how is he able to cut me off completely ( he changed his number and blocked me on Facebook ) in a matter of weeks and jump into a potential marriage? His last conversation he kept saying that he is “so sorry to do this to me” and that I “made him a better man” but that his new girlfriend ” loves him in a different way” and he plans to marry her. He even cried! I feel like he has changed. Help me!

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Hi Dr. Heart broken,
Email me I’m going through the exact same thing. [email protected]
We can talk and support each other

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Dr HeartbrokenI felt the same way as you, and still do to an extent however I’m getting there …… but … emotionally disconnect yourself. Then, breathe and think. It may be that you just weren’t ultimately right for each other, however …. its more likely that he is a complete and utter ARSE who has met someone who is challenging him in a different way … but dig deep down in your gut .. do YOU think he will change??? I suspect you will know the answer. It’s always there, in them, same as traits you and I and everyone else has, and will always be in us, however much we try to change it .. how many people think I won’t be so loving next time I’ll be a bitch blah blah .. only to be as loving and hopeful yet again … its what we are. hon, you are worth so much more than this sorry excuse. Listen to Natasha .. cause she is right xxxx

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<3 xxxxxx

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Hi Natasha,

It’s been 2 months since I last saw the f tard, everything is totally over my emotions have gone wild and friends family and your blog have helped me through so much heartache 😘

I have gotten so much stronger and I thank you dearly because this blog has really supported me and reading all the other ladies experiences too. My sister has noticed a change in me, she says I’m stronger and more self assured now 😄

But part of me still gets that uneasy feeling that the idiot is getting everything with his new girl. I know him I know about the emotional unavailability, womanising ways and the way he can be so rude and disrespectful. Seeing them on social media broke me but I look at his pictures and still see the same shitty guy. I just need to stop thinking it was me.

Have you got any advice?

Love you Natasha

Love Liv 🙋🏿

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Hi Liv!

That makes me so happy to hear!! Thank you so much beautiful 🙂 <3

It wasn't you. You need to let him own his behavior and understand that people do not change, they unfold and reveal themselves over time. He is the same guy with her and will do the same unfolding. Decent people that are capable of mutual love and respect do not just save all of their bad behavior for you. He is the same guy. The only person that has changed is you 🙂 you are building your strength back and just continue to be good to yourself and have your own back. It's totally normal to feel uneasy. You are so not alone Liv. Love you too! xoxo

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Heartbroken you can email me too, I’m going through the exact same thing. It’s awful. [email protected]

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My ex left me because he wanted Kids and a Career and he decided I wasnt’t a good fit because I was not as far along in life as he was.
Now my whole life has been about trying to prove to him that I am not a screw up. But I am failing at University, I Keep breaking down and avoiding to write my Bachelor Thesis.
He’s now Dating a Girl that’s currently finishing her super fancy psychology doctors degree. I have read some of her work, it’s really sophisticated and I hate her. He finally got himself a great Job, now they both have tons of Money and go on vacation all the time. Like real grown ups, they have it all together. This is so painful to watch. His times of eating blunt Pasta with me for 7 days straight because we are both out of Money are over.
I Keep thinking he left me because I am a looser that can’t even financially take care of herself, a burden. This hurts so much but I can’t pick myself up.
The worst part is, I know exactly he is a womanizer who will never be satisfied with the Attention of one woman only. I’m glad I found that article. I will read it everyday until I finally let go of my bruised ego. Thank you for that.

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Hold onto that knowingness that you have of who he really is, turn inward and take care of you <3 Thank you for reading, for sharing and for the love xxxxx

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Just what I needed to read after the guy I was seeing who kept telling me Facebook is fake and how he would never fall in love, has made his new relationship public with a new girlfriend 10 years younger than me, expressing his love and admiration towards her with roses and seeking validation and glory from his Facebook friends! It all happened within 3 weeks of him blocking and cutting me off from his life!

You are truly amazing thank you for empowering us and reminding us he importance of self love and dignity!

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Thanks Diana 🙂 xoxo I’m proud of and happy for you that you’re out of that situation and having your own back now. You deserve so much more.

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My on and off again ex left me for good this time, 2 months ago. He’s now been seeing a girl 5 years younger than me, they’ve been together for two weeks. He’s posted all over his facebook about how he’s never met a girl like her and no one has ever made him smile the way she does. I truly feel like he has left his emotionally unavailable ways in the past. They’re already talking (jokingly) about marriage. She’s a definite upgrade from me and it makes me feel worthless.

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Hi Sarah! You’re not worthless. You need to turn inward and work on yourself. I know it’s hard. Keep coming back here to the blog. You’re not alone xoxo

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Are they still together? Do you still care? My bf of one year (and live in for 8 months) just left abruptly without even a proper goodbye–just a “I’ll probably never see you again.” I dread the day I’ll see him on online with someone new and his age (I’m nearky a decade older). It’s getting better but I miss him still so much…not sure I’ll ever get over it. We were very much in love but towards the end fighting a lot–mostly due to my “insane jealousy.” I feel like a loser that ruined it all. Would appreciate your reply. Thanks!!!!

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Natasha,

You’re amazing. I have this post booked marked in my phone, as always up in my background pages on my internet- it serves as my daily (read: 683848 times a day ) reminder that this new girl is not better than me and is not reaping all the benefits of what I worked on with my ex. It’s still raw, even after 2 months. But when I feel those icky, crawling feelings start to emgere, I know just the comfort I can run to stop those ruminating and devaluing feelings. You’ve saved me in so many instances from being the psychotic ex, and instead keeping it classy and respecting myself. I hope that one day, he’ll be blindsided by a faint memory of me, and realize I was the one who got away, but regardless I have me and my white horse for life.

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You GO girl! That’s what I like to hear 🙂 8 weeks is still extremely fresh and I know the pain you’re going through. You are doing the right thing and already are the one that got away. Keep treating yourself well and just know that you’re not alone. Thanks for the love 🙂 xoxo

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Hi Natasha 🙋🏿
It’s been nearly 7 months now since I last saw the f tard , since he discarded me and moved on with his ego boosting little blonde. It has been hard I cannot deny that, but one thing is for sure… it DOES get easier ladies! I make the effort to keep coming back to this blog and comment when I feel like crap; it’s like my therapy 🙊 In the last 7 months I have gone back to university, travelled around Europe, gone back to the gym and made the effort to change. I still thinking about him and wonder if he thinks about me but I understand his narcissistic behaviour now and realise that I could never be happy with a guy like that!

I still get pain contractions Nastasha but your blog is my therapy 💗

Thank you , you’re an angel

Love Liv 🙋🏿👌

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Liv!!! I love you soul sister! Thank you so much 🙂 I can’t even begin to tell you just how proud of you I am. You are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the out and I’m so proud of and inspired by the self care, proactive attitude, love and grace that you have emanated and portrayed despite the f tard and the subsequent heartbreak. Pain contractions are normal. I got one that was so bad yesterday, I didn’t know how I was going to get through the day, but I did. We all are survivors and we all have each other <3 Thank you so much for sharing and thank you for being the angel that you are too 🙂 xxxx

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Hi there,

This is one of the most well pieced articles I have read and it offers great comfort when going through such situations.
I met my ex at university, we were friends, he chased me and then we dated for around six years and got engaged. The last few months of the relationship he treated me so badly to the point where I was crying on a daily basis not knowing what I had done wrong.
There came a moment when on my birthday the cruel treatments and silent treatments made me question whether life was even worth anything.
He had been cheating the whole time with a woman who knew about me. Looks wise we couldn’t have been more different and it really made me question myself as a person. I never got a apology rather was just told I was too controlling.
He spoke to me a few times after we broke up and seemed to enjoy rubbing in how happy he now was. It made me really sad I felt I lost so many valuable years of my life. Now all I see is the girl posting happy pictures of them together but when I look at his face all I see is pure evil.
It is a shameful and disgusting thing to deceive people in the manner they did and perhaps there is a karma there.

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Hi Ricky! Thank you so much. I’m so sorry that you’ve gone through this all. You’re not alone. Stay on your white horse and let karma do its thing because it will xoxo

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I was going thru it yesterday on the 4th of July .. The guy I was quasi with before liked to yank me around emotionally off and on – was abusive and had gone back to shooting up Herion and meth .. After choosing to walk away after the 749473939 time on emotional hell merry ground he decided to move in with some new girl who I believe has no idea the extent of serious his addiction is … Him and I had gotton more serious after his last ex and .him broke up but he was never ready to be committed to me because of not being over the previous relationship . Although I could understand this I felt like he pulled me close and then sucked me emotionally dry and then dropped me for the next girl bc she didn’t challenge him to get off drugs and was happy being on an emotional ferris wheel .Anyways I made the stupid mistake of browsing her Facebook page yesterday and found pictures of them eating frozen yogurt together all happy and their names intertwined with hearts made out wire and I just went back to an emotional pit of hell thinking how much better he was and happier he was with her . And even tho I know it wasn’t my fault It fell apart bc he was a lying abusive addict I couldn’t help but feel if I had just been more patient while he was trying to emotionally heal then him and I would be together now … Even tho I know I has every right to walk away from a narcissist emotional predator who was like this long before he met me.. Ultimately I’m learning to be more loving to myself and to not feel like I missed out on something good . I realize ultimately unless he beats his addiction he will repeat the same abusive behavior . Although he ghosted me I am trying to live with it and recognize I dodged a serious bullet .. But it’s really hard sometimes . Being a recovering addict myself with 4 years of sobriety I know a relationship with an active addict would have been a bad deal . I still love him and we did have some good times together .. It’s just really hard to feel like he’s moved on so hard and forgot me . I did a lot to save his life and pick him off the street when he needed a place . That being said . I’m done being mother teresea of broken narcissist. Thank you for this article and all the others . It’s saved me so many times .❤️

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You are being your own savior now and I couldn’t be more proud of or happy for you Lynn. We are ALL cheering you on; you’ve part of a tribe here 🙂 X

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Hi Natasha, I’m just now reading your website. I’m in college I ended it with my ex about two months ago. We were together for a year and two months and not even a week after our relationship ended, he posts a picture of another girl as his WCW only for me to find out later on he is now with this girl and he’d been sleeping with her the week before we broke up but he’d been talking to her weeks before we broke up. He and I met in the African Student Union (ASU) so she’s into all this spiritual African religious stuff that I can’t get into (something he tried to turn me into). He was a manipulative, egotistical, condescending, asswipe but I can’t help but feel angry, betrayed, rejected, and dirty. He’s smart, ambitious, handsome, and he was so sweet at the beginning and I stayed hoping he would get right. I would never go back to him after everything he’s put me through but I feel so hurt that he gets to be happy and I’m left to pick up the pieces. He and I are still connected virtually on ig because we follow alot of the same people and the same pages. It’s like she’s everything he wanted. She has way more followers than me and so does he and she seems more in tuned with her “spiritual” side but I don’t practice that. This was my first relationship and the only person I’ve been with intimately and I thought I would be over it after 2 months NC. Why does it sting still?

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My ex left after being together for 18 months 2 days later he was with someone else he used to be the biggest lier and manipulative person he made me feel worthless and now in his new relationship his doing everything i wanted him to do with me i just cant believe he replace me so fast sometimes i feel worthless because he so happy and i’m still healing 🙁

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Loved this article!! Sent it to my 17 year old daughter who unfortunately had her first cheating,lying fucktard! She loved it and it made her feel better! He moved on in less than a week with a 15 year old who looks very similar to my daughter but is known to be slutty! She has been stalking them for the past month including egging his car. And is shocked he isn’t contacting her! I am hoping this makes her realize that she deserves better and changes how she will react when he does. Such a hard lesson to learn! Even for Mom who believed the boy to be genuine

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This made my day! So happy that it helped! 🙂 Thanks Sharon XOXO Sending all my love to you and your daughter.

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So I decided trite this because I just found out something amazing (?) today that set me free after four long months of excruciating pain. I always came back and read this post in order to convince myself that I wasn’t the heartless bitch that caused my poor ex to run away…however there were times in which I wasn’t so sure…until I found out that I was once the new girl! Which means that when I started dating this f*cktard, his former girl suffered watching him sending the same gifts to me!!! traveling to the same locations with…me!!! Just as I suffer when I open Facebook and I see the same flowers sent, chocolates and even same phrases dedicated to his most recent victim. Guess what? He wasn’t happier with me and he didn’t treat me better. At the end he even left me using the same method. Girls…we are truly better than this!!! They never change!!!!! This is totally trueeee and there will come a time in which you will get confirmation that he is an a**hole. Don’t waste more of your time.

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Who are you, and thank you.

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xoxo

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Thank you so much. This is the most powerful writing i have ever read. I’m dealing with a emotional breakdown since a year now. And I’m finally relieved. I just hope that he gets his payback and that all this turns out to be true
Thank you so much thank you 💟💟

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Thank YOU Azuka 🙂 I’m happy it’s helped! All my love to you soul sister. XOXO

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This blog is absolutely the best. I hope I am not too late to post my craziness. I was in a 7 year relationship with what I thought was the love of my.life. We were inseparable. He did things around the house that I didn’t have to ask to do, we had great communication and spent so much time together. After 2 years, we were engaged and pregnant. He glorified the fact that I was so independent. But once I got further into my pregnancy I started to rely and expect more from him. That’s when our relationship took a turn for the worst. He started emotionally abusing me for being so needy. So much that I stopped asking for his help around the house and relied on my mother and family. Once I had my daughter, things were OK, but he never was hands on with helping. I worked during the day and he was off during the day, yet I still had to cook, clean, do homework with my child, grocery shop etc. I started to become a nag. He started being spiteful and leaving the house without saying where he was going. He committed all his time to his son and football. I begged this man for a getaway, for date nights and he always made up excuses. I finally had enough. We were living together but lived separate lives.
I asked him what his plans for marriage and he always gave me excuses. I then have him an ultimatum for us to set a date or he would have to leave. I came home the next day and his things were packed. I helped him pack. He thin started to slow walk the move. One day I knew I had to run errands so I asked him to help our child with her homework…probably coloring a damn picture and he flicked off on me saying I was inconsiderate asking him to do that knowing he had worked a double shift. I had had enough and I told him to get the rest of his things and leave. He did. He never came back and barely talked to me or his daughter for 7 months. I met someone new and all of sudden he wanted us back. Saying he had changed. I was torn not knowing if he really had changed or if he just wanted to move back in. I told him that I would need to take my time. It wasn’t fast enough for him and because I didn’t jump back into his arms…he made a decision to let it go and move on.
So within 4 months I find out from social media that he is in love, taking vacations, going to concerts and all kinds of things he couldn’t do with me because of work or his obligations with his sons football team. It crushed me. I am seeing 7 years of what I begged for being given to a woman of 4/5 months. She seems to love life and traveling and he is right there with her. It is so hard to not doubt yourself but I’m stressed to the core wondering if after I left him he really did change for the better or is this woman so awesome that she is bringing out the best of him. He still does the “basics” for my daughter but is still not an involved dad. But he has all the time in the world now to nurture this woman who has grown kids and is living Ber life to the fullest.

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It is amazing how everyone that has been in a relationship with these narcissistic ass holes think about and feel the same way. It really helps to know you’re not alone. I have been so depressed over thinking hes changed for her. Up until a week ago he was practically begging me to sleep with him, telling me he lived and missed me, how he was going to church and trying to live his life the right way. I didnt follow thru with it because hes used me so many times for sex and fed me all that “love of his life bullshit”. Of course after I didn’t give in he just stopped talking to me, then a few days later I see a post on facebook of him and the girl he claimed was just a friend, she gave this long spill about how grateful she was to be with him and how day after day hes has supported her and how amazing he is. Turns out he was trying to use me on the side until he could get her to let her guard down. I have been devastated with all the thoughts about him treating her so good, being soo angry that she doesn’t have to put up with what I put up with and that hes just off living this happy life while Im in therapy and can hardly get out of bed. But articles like this remind me that its all bullshit. Hes always been a lying cheating asshole, long before me. Theres no way that he has changed in 2 months, bo matter how much hes going to church. And really he gave me proof beacuse he was still trying to lie and use me 2 weeks ago. Yeah he may be with her but she is not any better, he doesnt think any more of her than me, he was trying to be with me behind her back. They use everyone! And there is always another girl lined up! Always!

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OMG I almost had a breakdown seeing them on FB, we have the same exact photos!!!! They’ve been in Paris and all we planned to do together! They look so happy and that relationship status almost knocked me down. It couldn’t be any worse even though it was me who dumped him I just couldn’t get over all that happiness and romance they are proudly share everywhere But deep down I somehow feel it is her NOW who has to deal with all his bullshits, his porn addict, sex addict and all those fucking female friends. Your article has been sent from heaven , I couldn’t be more grateful <3

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So happy it helped!! Thanks Hiti! 🙂 XOXO

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How is it possible for my ex to be engaged to this new girl less than three months after we broke up? He texted to tell me after I had implemented strict no contact following his text that he was seeing someone new. Has anyone else experienced this? Im so terrified how I will feel seeing all the photos I don’t FB stalk and I never replied to the engagement text.

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Will try to write a post on this soon! Keep coming back here to the blog. You’re not alone Millie <3 x

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I am so lost, my ex and I broke up beginning of December and literally two weeks after that he told me he was seeing someone new and that they already had sex. It is now end of January and all of a sudden he started liking my photos on IG when he is not even following me(im not on private.. nothing to hide lol) which means hes going out of his way to search my name up and find me. He also tells my friend everyday what Inpost on Ig and constantly asks about me.We have a child together and were together almost nine years on and off. Very rocky but i was always loyal and stayed true to him because i loved him way too much. He told me today he is thinking about asking this “girl” he has been sexing and seeing since we broke up to be his girl on VDAY. im hurt and heartbroken.She is ten years younger than him. What does she have that I dont? He says he enjoys spenind time with her because they dont argue. My friends say it wont last because because she is a rebound and he jumped right into the relationship when we broke up. Why is he ig stalking me and talking to my friend about me everyday if he wants to be with this girl? I find it truley nasty she opened her legs to him three weeks into knowing him smh. -lost

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Thank you so much for this post. It was word-for-word what I needed. I had been seeing a guy for months – he said he “wasn’t ready for a relationship,” but I liked him so much and was so happy I thought I’d let things continue (so, you know, he would get to know me and love me and realize he wanted and needed me), and then I’d bring up our relationship status again later. (So stupid!) Out of nowhere he stops replying to my texts, ignoring them even as I begged him just to tell me what was going on. When he finally did reply, it was to tell me he needed to stop seeing me so he could concentrate on his career and aging parents. I was hurt, but accepted it.

Well well well, come to find out he’d actually met someone else. And after mere weeks, they’re posing for pictures together at events and she’s tweeting about her wonderful “boyfriend.” Boyfriend! I maaayyy have lost my mind a little bit. I had to start the recovery process over again, but with a new layer of hurt on top. The thing that I can’t let go of right now is how similar she seems to me. She’s not a perfect 10, she’s not a bridge troll. She’s not better, she’s not worse. She seems like a nice girl who, if the circumstances were different, I would like to have as a friend. We like the same things, have similar senses of humor, and both fell hard for the same guy. Now I know I am only making assumptions based on social media (and I am learning to resist the temptation to look at their profiles!), but that’s the thing that hurts. It’s like he wants someone LIKE me, but only slightly different. I’m driving myself crazy trying to figure out what that “slightly different” is.

As I work through this, I know I’ll be rereading this post again and again. Thank you for your amazing work.

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Hi Sarah! I’m so happy that this post helped! You are supported, loved, understood and believe in. Keep coming back here to the blog – you’re not alone. Love to you soul sis. XO

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Thank you sooo much for this post! Like many, I’m currently and STILL going through the emotional process of getting over this guy I used to date. He’s currently dating the same girl I found out he was talking to while he was talking to me. I’ve been through sexual assault from a past partner so I take dating serious and I find it somewhat difficult to share my feelings with a guy I’m dating in fear of vulnerability. I never told him about this because I wasn’t sure if he was the serious type. I became pretty distant once I found out he was talking to the other girl (and he could tell I was distancing from him so he probably got bored) until I completely cut him off. This happened almost a year ago and I haven’t heard from him ever since I cut ties with him. Now I see on social media that he’s been taking that same girl on dates and met her mom. I immediately felt the “was I not good enough?” Feeling. Your post will help me out so much as I know that I’m not alone when it comes to situations like this!

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I’m so glad it helped! Thanks Kris 🙂 You are loved, supported, believed in, understood and never, ever alone. Thank you for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you sister. xx

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Natasha, you hit on so many feelings we experience when the phenomenon known as “our ex has moved on” occurs. When the powers of the Internet revealed to me much more than I needed or had any business to know, it was an almost immediate downward spiral. She’s prettier than me… he obviously likes her more than he ever liked me (two big bouquets of flowers… fancy dinners)… wait is that a tattoo with his name on it after less than a couple months of dating? I felt simple, inadequate and boring. I felt all the self-work and love I’ve been pouring into myself these last 9 months fly out the window. Then I found this… and I read it multiple times a day. Not only because it helps me remember that the guy with the grandiose gestures is the same guy who called me an effing weirdo when I asked if he was still hung up on his divorce (he talked about his ex a lot). And not because his true colors are still there and might show themselves to her – they were truly shown to me and that is not what I want. I may be a slow mover… I may not pose in lingerie on cars or dye my hair to show I’m changing my life. But there is no one I would rather be than me. Thank you for helping me remember that. Xo

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Jenny! I am in tears. Thank you so much for your love, feedback and for sharing your experience. I feel you sister – on every level. You are a gem. All my love to you! XO

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Thanks for this it made me think a bit.
My story is a little different as I was the one that left him after 5.5 years, but not because I didnt love him, but I couldnt take the lies anymore, and always being second best. There was always some other prettier girl he would be texting, (I wont go into much detail), but at that point i decided it would be best if i left him, and I was so right, he moved on a few months after I gave his ring back (yep we where engaged) and that new relationship lasted about half of what ours did.
We then had contact again, which was nice for a while, being able to talk again and talk about small things from the past, and you get lost in it all for few minutes or less, but then you realise nothing has changed…. I saw the lies where still there, same as always, and he would still make more time for other girls, more then he ever did with me. Non the less I then stopped replying and contacting him, as much as it hurt, but i HAD TO. He is now in another new relationship, and as much as it hurts I really do hope he is happy.

I cant help but think though, why was i never worth the fight or effort, why could he move on so quickly after me and be VERY HAPPY. Why can I not move on and why does it still kill me to see him with someone else, when he has clearly moved on and not given me another thought. WHY?

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I’m happy that the post helped <3 I wish I could elaborate further, but can't on the comments.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog.

I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further 🙂 The link to it is on the homepage.

All my love to you.

You’re not alone xo

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You have no idea how much I needed this. I was in toxic relationship with one guy and when we broke, he started to date a new girl. Even after that he was still texting me and hiding his new girlfriend from me and claiming it was not serious (even though they were moving to same place!)

I was stalking their common happy life and their trips abroad, adventures and comments how people complimated them for being so such a good couple. I wanted to scream that this guy is a jerk who really aint what he seems like. Yet, I still felt that this girl had actually managed to change him (even though the prove was in front of me, that he was not, as he kept texting me during their relationship..) I felt jealous and “lower2 person.

But this text made me really realize that I am not the only one feeling like this and it is ridicilous to feel so. So thank you so much <3!

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I’m truly honored to help 🙂 thanks Maria!! Sending you love. XOXO

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Hello Natasha, thank you so much for your post. I read this a while ago and found it so encouraging to those who are facing that internal doom of hearbreak. Thank you so much for your insightful post is so helped it helped. I split with my royal crown double diamond encrusted mind f**k ex 2 and a half years ago. Although I have recovered as I was surrounded by loving humans that gave me so much support, I still get that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. My ex did the same, got with a new girlfriend and plastered it all over Facebook like a pair of silly little school girls (looking back very cringy). At the time, I was devastated, felt that my world was crashing and burning. I questioned myself, my looks, am I fat, did I bore him and the list goes on. Now, coming out of it the other end (just about) with my self respect in tact, I realised something. Do I want be with a man who falls in love after 3 weeks? do I want to be called his Queen (yuk), would I regret getting a matching tattoo (of a King and Queen crown bluuuur) absolutely? I want something real , fundamental and genuine and won’t have anything less. I wouldn’t wish a narc on anyone but, although now is too painful to see, in time it does make you much stronger and wiser. Love to you Natasha and keep up the good work xxx

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Hi Zoe! I want to high five and hug you simultaneously 🙂 !! Your comment had me laughing and also made me tear up because I’ve been there too. All my love to you soul sister. Thank you for being a part of this tribe! xxxx

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Thank you! Thank you! These message has truly helped me today. After seven years in a relationship my ex cheated, left me and move in to the house I helped him buy with the woman he cheated on me with. After almost a year and when I finally tough I was moving on he came back and all he wanted was sex and yet I fell for it over and over again. This week he decided he wants to be better and cutoff all contact with me leaving all hurt again while stating he wants the best for me. I was wondering wether he will become a better man for her, but you’ve really describe him above. I do honestly now feel better to be honest it still does hurt and it still difficult specially during the mornings . Everyday as I wake up and I realized that it’s not just a nightmare and that I am still struggling in so many ways my whole world falls apart all over. But I read your posts every day and it always seems to help me. I feel so I am slowly making progress and loving my self more everyday and you have been a great part of my recovery. I am sending blessings your way..😉
Again Thank you!!

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I’m honored to have helped 🙂 Thank you so much Yaritza!! XO

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I have been in a relationship for 5 years with a man I truly love. He had left me for the third time again for his ex. Prior to me, his relationship with his ex last about 9 years. They had their ons and off also before he started a relationship with me when he thought it was over. The first 2 times he left me, I initiated the no contact rule. It never lasted for 3 months before he came crying back for me. I forgave him, like a fool. The second time he came back around, he made many promises to me, and even stated he was done, and how stupid he was to leave me and would never hurt me again because i would never hurt. Him. We even went forward to me moving closer to him so we can see each other everyday and took prove to me I am for keeps. Well, I sacrifriced everything and moved 1000 miles away from home to be with him not knowing anyone. Getting back with him was Sept 2015, I actually moved after careful thought and believing him Sept 2016. Now, the end of June, 2017, he called me and said he cannot come over and see me anymore because he still loves his ex and trying to work things out. I couldn’t believe after promising he would never have contact with her again, her being so cruel and mean, and he knows it, went back to her. I am so beside myself right now with no one to talk to. How did he change that quickly towards me, especially he bought me flowers less than a week ago, and saw each other the day before the break up with hugs and kisses! HELP!

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Hi Truly Heartbroken,

I wish that I could advise, but I don’t have enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give advice in the comments section.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding.

I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further 🙂 The link to it is on the homepage.

All my love to you.

You’re not alone xo

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Wow! What a read
My bf broke up with me on v-day! And been 7months now with all the excuses in the world of how he cant be with me…his addictions his longing to look for god you name it he’s used it. I recently found out he started a bussiness with a new/ old woman that he had known but is news to me. Turns out they were fb friends since 2014 and we met 2013 so hmm yea how convient that right after 3 weeks i applied the NC rule he is able to completely shut me out…no more random txt no more liking my posts on fb. And on the day i sent him an apology/ making my peace txt, the same day he reacted/love a photo that his partner posted on her profile which he never does he only likes posts and that is seldom also ( yea i did the crazy ex gf who stalks their ex thing) but hey we do what we gotta do, for me i always knee there was more to the break up due to past incidents. Anyway he seems to be succeeding and yes good for him. But we all know thats not the happiest thing to see at the moment. So i have read many posts about breakup make up anyrhing to do with exes. And I found this! This is helping me so much and everytime my mind tries to mess with me telling me negative things about myself that he is better without me and has changed. This post really is helping me push those thoughts away so that i can stay strong with my faith. I took this fall hard and it shattered everything EVERYTHING inside and around me and i shut everyone out making me go auto pilot the entire time. You know like doing your daily routine but not mentally and emotianlly there?. Thank you soo much for this post i will keep referring to this everytime the devil wants to mess with me. It would be great to get a 1 on 1 session , i think that would be my divergence. Bless us all.

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I meant 6 months but feels like the entire 2 years of our 3 yr cus he did the break up and make up scene way too many times before. He wanted out long before…..*sob*

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Hi! I’m happy that the post helped! 🙂 XOXO

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I’m just now going through the same situation. I’ve been trying to process this with a few close friends of mine. He was completely emotionally abusive during our 3 year relationship, and I’m happily in a new relationship for almost 10 months now. This new guy is the man of my dreams. My family loves him, my friends love him. They all ask me “why did you even date your ex? nobody liked him!”. I was stuck in the web of a toxic relationship. My ex tore me down to nothing, and made me feel small. Every other day was an hour long fight about something I did wrong, no matter how small. Then another hour of me apologizing for not saying sorry for doing the thing I did wrong the “correct” way. And cheating on me on top of that.
Now that I see him in a new relationship, and seemingly happy, I’m battling between being happy for him, and wanting him to show his true self to this poor girl. I feel like I’d get some form of validation that it wasn’t “just me” that he treated like shit.
I’m friends with one of his exes, who is now getting married to a great man, but she and I have never talked about her relationship with our ex. Part of me feels like asking her about why they broke up, just so that I can have my feelings validated. I need to know that it wasn’t just me that made him treat me that way, I need to know that the abusive, manipulative behavior is just who he is at his core. I want some justice. I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact that he can treat me the way he did, and end up in a happy relationship. She seems like a nice girl, and she doesn’t deserve a guy like that. They’ve only been dating for what looks like about a month, and his first huge angry outburst happened with me after about 2 months. It seems like he’s in the phase of “love bombing” her. I’m hoping that in time his true colors will reveal themselves. Until then, I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. I’m just going through the initial shock of it all right now.
It also sucks because the man I’m with now is so incredibly wonderful, I love him so much. He knows a lot of the things I went through, and has been completely understanding about it all, I just don’t want this horrible past relationship to impact my relationship with him.
Ugh, I have a lot of thoughts. Haha

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Hi Flora!

Thank you so much for sharing 🙂 You are understood, empathized with, backed, believed in, supported and never, ever alone. Wish I had the time to elaborate on everything (thank you for understanding!). Sending you big love. XOXO

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Im going through the same situation. I was with him for 2 years have been liking him through middle and high school and he left me for some girl who is older then me by 6 YEARS. He says that their both happy and he say he is “changing” his ways. I hate how i got all the sh*t but yet with this new girl hes apparently treating her so wonderfully. She gets taken to all the family events he never once took me to a family event. Mind you they have only been dating for maybe 3-4 months offically. It just pisses me off how he gets to be all happy and i get to be left all unhappy watching him be happy.

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I was with my ex for 6 years…… He has two daughters, different mom’s, is divorced, had his first kid at 17…… Anyway, I played step mom and fell in love with the girls and his entire family. We had a lot of rough times, and there were a lot of issues with him crossing lines sending pics texting talking to hanging out with other women, and lying. Yeah, I have him crap about it and i, to him, was to blame for not letting crap go and holding on and bringing it up after the fact, mostly when it would happen again. I know I am to blame for things, I would leave the house or walk away at the store if we argued or I cried, and I should’ve maybe stayed…… He always wanted threesomes, but wouldn’t marry me…. He did ask though a yr into the relationship, I just didnt think we were ready…. And never asked again. Anyway. We’ve been broken up a yr and a half now. We have remained in contact the whole time….. Last August we started seeing each other, but had to seek around with it….. I learned he was dating someone else. I straight up Said I’m not going to be a friend with benefits. He then said while we were making love that he picks me loves me and wants me back….. And no more her. This was November. I told him I’d trust him if he was telling the truth. He swore he was. Then I was only allowed over after 9 am ….. Or he’d be mad. He’d cancel plans short saying he had to work. January he called and said is get a call from a number I didnt know Don’t answer. I pushed him to tell me why. He said the woman he was seeing saw our messages. Was mad. He isnt seeing her anymore but gave her one more ride to work, dropped his phone and she saw them from when they were dating. I said if she is gone I’ll keep talking. Thats the shortened version. Anyway…….. Come march, 3 months after that, with the ebtire time He’d not text me between 5pm and 10pm with one text at 10 saying some version of good night love of my life…… He’d say morning every day. He’d say hes busy and wants to see me but can’t. He’d say I’ll be there soon and with the girls again and yes he wants babies with me. Will marry me…….but in march, I learned she was still coming over near every night…. Makes sense about the no texting times right….? Made me sick and cringe knowing he probably said night love as he snuck off to pee with his phone after screwing her ……. Then we met up. I needed closure. He held me. Kissed on me. Said the right crap….. Agreed and kept talking…… Well here it is almost October……. Yep. Still talking. Don’t see each other except once a no th maybe and if I push it. He’s called me names. Still says night and morning every day to me…. I’ve said choose me or let me be……. He says why would he wanna be with me when I’m full of drama for saying I love him and want to be included….. And for bringing up I want to trust him again and that we werent together…… He kind of joking said yes when I asked if there was someone else…. Hes tired of my b.s……. I’m 27. I feel like I cant ever find someone else cuz I’ll never stop loving him. So much more to say about this situation. Sorry for the really long rant if anyone read it all…… Yesterday I said I’m moving forward with or without you. Today is the last day. Commit to move forward with me or don’t…. Then he said morning again today. I said it back. Then nothing…. Idk. I’m hurting. Mad at myself. At him. Just ugh……..

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Hi Desiree!

You’re not alone <3 I wish that I had the time to elaborate on everything you shared. Thank you for being a part of this tribe. You are loved, supported, backed, believed in and understood. Keep coming back here to the blog <3 xo

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Hi Natasha,

This post had helped me so much. Thank you. I couldn’t help but compare myself to the girl he replaced me with (total opposite of me). I feel like I’m a bit happier and stronger now compared to who I was before.

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago. After the break up call (we were on LDR), I found out he went out on a date with his classmate through his messenger (thanks to my amazing skills). What pissed me off was we both know one another. I always had an instinct that there was something about her.

2 weeks after the breakup, he posted their pictures on social media (looking all happy and everything). I tried my best not to react. He then contacted me 4 weeks after a breakup. Since I saw one of his pictures on social media where he was with the girl and his cousins and friends (which really hurt me because I’m really close with his cousins), I told him when he contacted me, aren’t you dating her already? Isn’t that something special? He replied, they were just friends and he was single. He also said in this conversation that he was sorry for being insensitive for posting pictures of them online, he was lost and confused (after I ranted out that they were being so insensitive).

Although a week after that conversation, he posted pictures of them again (now in his house) looking all sweet. That was my breaking point. I messaged him saying, You and your girlfriend have no shame and effing insensitive. He just seen zoned me. Hence I went into no contact.

During the no contact, I saw them posting pictures of them together like every weekend. And one time, his best friend sent me a picture of my ex and their friends (with some girls, the girl he replaced me with wasn’t there). I was wondering why would his best friend sent it to me when he was the one who told me not to talk about my ex anymore. Oh, I was browsing through my news feed and I suddenly saw his comments on a post saying tag your crush. He commented on it, before just a crush, now I love her. and they said I love you to one another.

On our “anniversary”, I watched a movie with a friend then his best friend messaged me saying, “Oh it was your anniversary today.” (they were drinking at that time).

Then a day after our “anniversary”, I messaged him randomly saying I just remembered you where my friend and I watched a movie. He replied saying glad u had fun. take care bye.

And on my bday, he messaged me at 2am saying happy birthday. I replied 9 hours later haha. What I didn’t know and found out a day after was he actually posted pictures of them celebrating their one month of being together on my freaking bday.

A few days after, he posted pictures of them again and him getting a new haircut on ig story. And just recently, posted pictures of them in his bedroom looking all sweet and happy.

Although, I kept thinking their relationship is going really fast.

He wasn’t this showy on social media with me before. Hence I sometimes think that this relationship is better. But reading this article helps me a lot.

Thank you. I just wanted to release all of my thoughts haha. Sorry about the long post.

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Hi Angeline! Never apologize! 🙂 That’s what the comment section is for. You have no idea how many other people you’re helping (and allowing to feel so much less alone), by sharing your story. I wish that I had the time to respond and elaborate further <3 Just keep coming back here to the blog and know that you are loved, understood, valued, supported, backed, believed in and never, EVER alone <3 xx

All my love to you soul sis.

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