“How to turn your life around when you feel hopeless,” is something that I’ve Google’d so many times, if I had a dollar for every time I searched for the answer, I’d be writing to you from Monaco right now while being manicured, feather fanned and hand fed tater tots.

All joking aside, what I’m writing about today isn’t something that I take lightly; it’s something that I’ve debated sharing because it’s so personal and because there is a part of me that still fears judgement and feels guilty for even having the thoughts that I’ve had.

There are so many people who are suffering in this world, but no matter what the situation or who the person is, pain is pain and we are all entitled to feeling our pain without having to simultaneously carry the burden of unnecessary guilt for being human and having our own unique experiences and reactions. 

Pain is our common denominator and our universal language because just like death, it’s something that none of us will ever be able to override, escape or avoid, no matter what.

There’s always going to be someone that is better off and worse off, just like there’s always going to be judgement that isn’t productive. Negative judgement (of yourself/others) and evolution cannot coexist.

I choose to evolve. I know you do too or you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

So, with that intention, I want to share with you how to turn your life around when you feel irreparably damaged and like all hope is lost. 

There have been times in my life where I just wanted to die. I didn’t want to carry on; I didn’t see the point. I had no hope, no belief, no compass and just felt like “what’s the use,” you know?

As much as I wanted to die, I didn’t want to kill myself, if that makes any sense. The only way I can explain it is that I wanted to “end.” I couldn’t articulate exactly what I wanted to end, I just felt like I needed an “ending.” And because my self esteem was so low, I wanted me to end.

After a really painful breakup in college, I started to smoke cigarettes. I wasn’t smoking because I enjoyed it (barf x infinity), but because I wanted to off myself. It’s almost like I wanted to kill off and harm my physical body so that I could match the unbearably painful off-ing that my emotional body was going through. Thankfully, I had a health scare 11 months later, which frightened me enough to throw away the nasty ass cigs and leave the unhealthy lifestyle behind for good. I’ve never looked back.

I talk to people everyday that feel the way I just described. I also talk to people who are suicidal and have attempted suicide before. They tell me that the pain is unbearable, that no one cares, that no one will notice their absence and that they are certain they need to exit this life that has done nothing but have its way with them.

The thing is, “suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse. It eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better.” And I’m not just talking about suicide as it is defined. I’m also talking about people who commit emotional suicide. You know when someone goes through a trauma and for the rest of their lives, their friends and family refer to them as never being the same? You know those people who are living and breathing corpses, shells of who and what they used to be. There’s no light behind their eyes; their wonderment and joy is gone. I was one of them. I disconnected myself and subconsciously attracted situations and relationsh*ts into my life that affirmed my emotional death and always made me feel so invisible, misunderstood, unlovable, discardable, forgettable… dead.

Then one day I was googling “how to turn your life around when you feel hopeless,” and this quote popped up:

HOW TO TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND WHEN YOU FEEL HOPELESS

CHILLS. That quote single-handedly changed my life and for the first time, I felt hope.

I started thinking about that Justin Timberlake song, Dead & Gone: “I’ve been travelin’ on this road too long. Just trying to find, my way back home. The old me, is dead and gone, dead and gone.” Everything clicked. I could kill what wasn’t serving me. I could kill the old me. I could put to pasture and let Rest In Peace all that sh*t that was holding me back so I could finally start to LIVE.

Wanting to end it all was a reaction to my personal avoidance and fear. As human beings, we are WIRED to partake in the joy of being. We want to feel joy, gratitude, happiness and fulfillment and we try to avoid heartbreak, grief, sadness, abandonment and betrayal at all costs due to the pain associated with each. I wanted to end it all because honestly, I wanted a way OUT of the pain. And that was okay, I don’t judge myself for it. I mean, who WOULDN’T want to stop feeling like sh*t? But here’s the thing…

If you want to know how to turn your life around when you feel this level of hopelessness and grief, think of what exactly you want to kill. Seriously.

Looking back, it wasn’t that I wanted to kill myself as much as:

  • I wanted to kill the pain
  • I wanted to kill the torture I was putting myself through
  • I wanted to kill the insecurity
  • I wanted to kill the bullsh*t
  • I wanted to kill the bad luck
  • I wanted to kill the self hate
  • I wanted to kill the feelings of inadequacy that others elicited in me
  • I wanted to kill the feeling of never being chosen
  • I wanted to kill the fear & pain of abandonment
  • I wanted to kill the fear & pain of rejection
  • I wanted to kill the anguish of never being good enough
  • I wanted to kill the lies I told just to make myself appear cooler
  • I wanted to kill being cheated on
  • I wanted to kill my inauthenticity
  • I wanted to kill having too many f*cks to give
  • I wanted to kill the drama I had created
  • I wanted to kill my desperation and patheticness
  • I wanted to kill the suffering

You want to know how to turn your life around? Make the decision to OFF what it is that isn’t serving you, not yourself.

Your self is still serving you DESPITE the toxicity inhabiting your body. 

Write down everything, even the most superficial things that you want to kill, look at that list and decide how you want to honor and release them. You could write it on a balloon and release it, you could throw it in the fireplace and watch it burn, you could write it on a piece of toilet paper, do your business on it and flush the sh*t, you could bury it and have a funeral for your old self with a eulogy and flowers… whatever you want. Make it an event in your life because it’s the most significant thing you can choose to do. Take yourself out to dinner with friends afterwards or go and do something for yourself on your own to celebrate your rebirth and renewal. In yoga class, we inhale our intention and exhale what it is that is not serving us. The entire class is one big release and at the very end of the class, we go into what is called fetal pose because it signals rebirth.

This is how to turn your life around.

You deserve to truly live, breathe and experience every morsel of this life and I believe in you. You’re NOT going to f*ck this life up. You’re not and you haven’t. You’re part of a tribe here and you’re believed in, loved, backed & supported. Always.

After you’ve released the anchors from your neck and let the bullsh*t RIP, start designing yourself.

When I killed off and released my old self, I made a list of who Natasha Adamo was and I CREATED her with a clean slate. I wrote down every detail – even the most seemingly stupid and surfacey stuff. I wrote down what Natasha Adamo acted like, dressed like, how often she worked out, how solid the relationships in her life were, where she traveled, what kind of legacy she left, how many lives she touched, how many people she helped, who she worked with, what she stood for, the books she wrote, the sights she saw, what she emanated, how much money she made, how honest she was, how vulnerable and real she was and how she handled heartbreak, criticism, hate and failure. I wrote down EVERYTHING that I always wanted to be, even the stuff that I though was impossible or stupid.

And because I had learned that feeling secure is not a product of luck, it’s a product of practice and habit, the bar that I had set in the “self design” process eventually became just as habitual as brushing my teeth. I didn’t care how crazy and unattainable some of it seemed. I started small; started from the bottom and I still work on it every day, JUST like anything else. Am I there 100%? Ha. Never. There are ALWAYS ways to improve, learn, grow, and as I do, that list changes because the challenge living doesn’t scare me anymore, it excites me.

In the past, I would never have given myself the opportunity to design who I wanted to be without the cynical audience of my insecurities immediately shutting it down. It wasn’t until I identified, acknowledged, honored and released what I needed to kill that I truly began to live for the first time.

Remember: If you want to know how to turn your life around, you can. If you really want to change more than anything and as Tony Robbins says, the pain of staying the same has begun to outweigh your fear of changing, that kind of change can happen in an instant.

You want to know how to turn your life around? Understand that change can happen right NOW if you choose. What takes time isn’t change, it’s convincing yourself that you’re capable of changing despite the hand you’ve been dealt and the self-limiting story that you keep choosing to subscribe to.

I’m telling you right now that you are capable of changing. You CAN make the choice and you ARE worth it. You KNOW how to turn your life around. You have all the tools you will ever need.

If you keep getting the same result in the same, sh*tty patterns, guess what? You can DECIDE to put an end to that NOW.

You have no idea the worth of your life and how many people you can touch, inspire and help through the hopelessness you are feeling now – a hopelessness that will soon be a distant memory.

– natasha x

 

♡ if anyone you know is in pain and could use this article, please share it with them 

+ if you are in immediate danger of harming yourself, please phone the emergency number in your country. 

National Suicide Prevention 24 hour hotline in the US: 1-800-273-TALK

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31 comments

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Thank you for saving my life. ❤️

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I’m writing this to you as someone that now has a speck of hope in a really dark place. God bless you and thank you for all you do Natasha. You truly have a way with words and you love and care with all of your heart. Please write a book.

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Such rich words that make you feel empowered…..Just sitting here eating my fruit loops….patiently awaiting your book Lol, love you! ❤️❤️❤️

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I’m working on it 🙂 Love you sister! xoxo

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Natasha, I want to thank you so much for writing this. I am currently in university and failed all my exams because of a couple of events in my life which I dealt with very badly and caused me to shut down completely. I couldn’t focus on studying…I think I spent most of my time just crying and eating too much. I have improved a bit throughout the year but I still have a very long way to go with regards to my self esteem. Your blog has been one of the things that has helped me the most. Right now I’m in a bit of a mess where I have to retake 7 exams and I only have 2 weeks to study for all of them. I am feeling very scared and hopeless. I found out I have the option to retake my year and I am considering it, although I feel guilty I’ve wasted an entire year and embarrassed about what others will think. This article has helped me feel a little better and has given me hope. Thank you so much for everything you do.

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Hi Jasmine! Don’t feel embarrassed, do whatever is best for YOU and just know that you’re not alone. I support, love and believe in you sister. You haven’t wasted any time – you will only truly waste time by obsessing over time that you think is lost. I am sure that you learned more in this past year than any classroom could have taught. You’re not alone. Thank you for the love and for taking the time to share your story xxxxxxxx

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Hi Natasha!!!

Thank you for your reply! 🙂 I wrote that comment almost 3 weeks ago when I had hit rock bottom and was feeling very afraid and alone. I wanted to let you know that things have improved a lot in the past few weeks. 🙂 This post has helped me so much and has been a really important catalyst for change for me. I wrote down the parts of me I wanted to ‘kill’ and I have started to be more concerned with whether my actions match my character and values that I say I have. I have pushed myself more than I ever have before to study for these exams and I have managed to get through them. Previously, I would have just given up, thinking that I’m not good enough, thinking that it is hopeless and there was no point to it. I am so proud of myself for not giving up when that was the easy option and I had people who didn’t believe in me. I can’t thank you enough with regards to helping me deal with my emotions about my ex as well. I realised I was only keeping him as a friend because I desperately wanted to hear from him…I wanted him to reach out to me. I wanted validation from him, because he made me feel so forgettable and like I wasn’t good enough for him. It has been almost a year since we broke up and he hasn’t talked to me even once after breaking up with me over text. I became a validation seeking monster, even talking to psychics to one point just to hear that he missed me and wanted to get back together with me (none of their predictions have come true hahah). Upon reading your blog I realised that this image of him I had in my head, the memories of him being the ‘sweet’ person he was in the relationship, they were no longer real and I was hanging on to something that I myself had created. He never made me a priority and was inconsiderate to my feelings. I finally had the strength to block him on all social media and I don’t even have the urge to stalk him anymore. I know I don’t need to because I want to focus my time and effort and the person I have been ignoring the most, me! And I know I deserve a mutual relationship with a man that will treat me with care and respect. I am feeling more free and happy than I have in a very long time and I can’t thank you enough for the massive role you have played in my life. Whenever I feel down, I come onto PMS and your posts give me strength and hope for my future. The past year has been full of a lot of depression and self-hatred. But you’re right, I’ve learnt so much and I am a stronger person than I was before.

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I am so proud of you Jasmine and cannot thank YOU enough for sharing your truth and being the light that you are. I believe in you, I see so much of myself in you and just know – you were never and are never alone. You’re doing the right thing. All my love to you soul sister xxxx

Natasha, just thought I would give you an update! I have passed all my exams I had to resit even though I only had 2 weeks to study for them, and I am progressing on to my next year of University! I’m extremely happy I managed to push through and I am feeling so much more confident in handling difficult situations in the future. Thank you so much for this article, it encouraged me not to give up and to push forward (even if that meant pulling 6 all nighters over 2 weeks, which is totally not healthy and I will never do it again)! I just kept reminding myself, ‘The old Jasmin runs away from her problems and never finishes anything. But the new Jasmin does the right thing no matter how difficult it is.’ I’m now focusing on developing healthier habits. Just signed up for kickboxing classes and I am excited for this new hobby! I’ve also started yoga based on your recommendations and it’s amazing how good it makes me feel! 🙂 I’ve started preparing for my next semester and I’m so thankful I’ve been giving a second chance when I was so close to being kicked out of my course. I remember I found your blog by googling ‘how to get my ex boyfriend back’ and your blog was the only relationship blog that truly helped me. I really can’t thank you enough! I now look forward to every article you post and I can’t wait for your book to come out! I’m sure it’ll be a bestseller!

Lots and lots of love to you Natasha and thank you so much for everything! <3

Jasmin,

This brought me to tears and for once, I’m speechless. Thank you so much for the update. I’m proud of you and am so happy that you’re starting to see the strength, resilience and beauty that I’ve seen in you all along. Yoga healed my broken heart, my broken body and allowed me direct access to the mirror (and subsequent reflection), I was perpetually avoiding. So happy you got into yoga! Thank you for your love, support, sisterhood and for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you soul sister! I can’t wait for the book to come out too 🙂 XOXO

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It seems I wrote every single word you wrote. Every single one. I am lost in my life that I seem to have made a mess in. Just earlier I sat in my car crying tears of worthlessness because I feel so empty and I feel like I am nothing. I feel invisible, small, and replaceable. I too think death may be the only way to exit these pains that torment me, but I wouldn’t consider myself suicidal, so I know what you meant. I have had the most traumatic past year and a half that will never leave me the same way. Thank you thank you for writing this. A tiny flicker of hope is enough to save a life, and my hope just flickered.

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Hi Pris! Your comment brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing you truth and for allowing me to feel less isolated and alone in my past experiences, feelings, pain and anxieties. You’re not alone. I am behind you 100% and so is everyone else that is a part of this tribe. Take care of you and promise me that you’re going to commit to you and not give up like I did. You CAN turn this around. I believe in you. Sending you all my love sister xxxx

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This came right when I needed it most. I’ve felt so much emotional pain the last 5 months, I am exhausted. I’ve had self-esteem issues and insecurity for much of my life. But when my relationship ended it had me questioning everything about myself and my worth. You’ve helped me realize there is hope and that I’m not the only one that has felt this way. I’m ready to turn my life around. Thank you!

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I’m all smiles Sarah 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to reach out and allowing ME to see that I am not and was never alone in my experiences, pain, insecurities and hopelessness. I am so proud of and happy for you. I believe in you. You go girl! XXXX

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This is exactly how I have been feeling in cycles over the past year. I was at such a low point right before this moment so I came to find if you had a new article up. Such great timing. Thank you so much.

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So glad it helped! Thx Nicole XOXO

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Great post! Thank you for your honesty and insight. I, too, am waiting for your book.

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Thanks Carolyn! I’m working on it! 🙂 xoxo love you sister

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Thank you!!!

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XOXO

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Beautiful. Made me cry. You’re an angel on earth Natasha. Thank you xxxx ❤️

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It takes one to know one Lorel 🙂 So happy that it helped. All my love to you xxxxxxx

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Thank you. Just thank you. I’ve been daunted by the task of moving forward AGAIN, shedding AGAIN, healing AGAIN, believing in everything I know I’m capable of AGAIN. My mind and body are worn out. I’m worn out. But I read this— and it doesn’t seem so daunting anymore. It seems like a given. Thank you.

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I believe in you and if I can do it, so.can.YOU Sloane. Thank YOU for making me feel less alone in my past feeling and experiences. Glad it helped! xx

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Im so thankful i stumbled upon this website truly God sent thank you. WOW..i have been allowing myself to exist but not live for many years. Abusive relationship etc…I stayed and it killed my insides. I read this and litterly exhaled…amazing!

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That is what I love to hear! Thank you so much Kiywan! I’m happy that the post served you. How good does it feel to finally exhale? Proud of and happy for you. Thanks for sharing xoxo

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Thank you for these much needed words.

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XOXO

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I have a question about emotionally unavailable exes who are also dealing with severe depression. I was in a “relationship” of 7 months (needlessly prolonged because of my unawareness of the information on this site) where all of the disrespectful and boundary-busting behaviors of emotional unavailability existed….. however, when my ex finally ended things, he cited not wanting to be in a relationship with anyone because of “wanting to die” and “hating himself.” During our relationship, many warnings were dropped – he would say things in passing like “I hate this [email protected] life,” “I’m a huge mess,” and that he felt perpetually “unlucky” except for that he was very lucky to have me. He showed symptoms of obsessive- compulsive disorder. He also at one point had asked me to find him a therapist (which I never did but I explained to him that there were free resources through his school). I know that the disease of depression can exacerbate narcissism, and so those traits were also there but I believe were mostly existing because of the disease. Whenever he had a problem, he would refuse to talk about it unless I gave him a LOT of space, and even then he would only tell me the gist of the problem in one or two sentences and not go further or deeper. We are not speaking because I am of course in no contact and working on myself (by reading this site), but is there anything that I can do from a very DETACHED and boundaried standpoint to help him if he does return? I know that I must take care of myself above all and have zero expectations, but I still care about him because I know he is hurting and I would like to help in some way…

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Hi Meg!

I wish that I could advise, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. I’ll try to write a post soon that further explains this.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

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Thanks Natasha! I will subscribe and look out for this post! 🙂

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