You may not think about or care to admit it, but your gut knows when you are being strung along. Yet, it’s still helpful to know how to stop being strung along by a guy.

Is there a way to stop rehashing the past and rehearsing the future? Is there a way to stop being strung along by a guy?

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Waiting around for someone to validate you from a call or text back is a slow and eventual murder of your self-esteem. And without self-love, you will always look to others to give you worth and value (validation). Always. Unavailable guys are all too willing to accommodate because just like desperation, they can smell a backbone-less, insecure girl from a mile away. One that will put up with their unavailability, not pressure them into anything serious, and that they can keep stringing along.

If this sounds familiar guess what? You’re living in the land of delusional limbo and robbing yourself at the same time.

It’s kind of like going to Las Vegas with friends and instead of going out to enjoy the food, shops, the spa, the shows, and the clubs… you spend all your time at the casino playing this one sh*tty slot machine. Your friends tell you to give it a rest but you’re in so deep, you’ve convinced yourself that the second you leave and “give up,” someone much less deserving is going to sit down and win your jackpot. So what happens? You never win the big jackpot. You end up broke and your friends have all given up on you. The vacation is over. You’ve wasted your time and feel worse than you ever did before you sat down to play as a jackpot hopeful.

There was no convincing you otherwise while you were playing. You were in a trance. Very focused and rightfully so. You put everything you had – all of your money, emotions, and happiness into a game in which the house always wins.

Waiting around for someone to be ready or change is not love. It’s a massive waste of your time.

When you wait around for and continually excuse someone that disrespects you, they’re never going to view your dedication to them as…

“Wow! I’m so lucky. Look at how much of an unavailable jerk I’ve been and look at this gem in front of me. I see it all now. She has put up with so much crap from me. I’m so lucky and ready to put a ring on it. I will never behave this way again even though I’ve been consistently doing so my entire life.”

He’s going to think…

I can use her for an easy hookup when I want. She puts up with my behavior, helps me out, and I can do whatever I want in the meantime. She can’t have that much self-respect if she keeps putting up with what I’m doing. There is nothing to chase because she’s always there. I’m bored. Who else is around?”

This is what you need to remember. I have bounced this off of many men (and personally, learned the hard way)…

Allowing yourself to be strung along does not translate to you or anyone around you that you are being selfless, dedicated, patient, admirable and that you are a keeper or a good catch. It translates that you are in denial, need validation like you need oxygen, and have zero self-love.

What if Liam Neeson did that in the movie Taken? What If he allowed himself to get strung along by the kidnappers who had his daughter and stayed in this fearful limbo where he avoided everything? Those movies did so well because Neeson’s character takes life by the balls, is dynamic, and takes action.

Be the dynamic character in your own life – not some flailing, indecisive, scared, and overly chatty doormat.

You deserve more than being strung along and waiting around for someone to change, make up their mind, have space, have time to think, get clean, get help, leave their girlfriend, grow up, etc. Even if he asks you on bended knee with roses and a 10 string orchestra to wait for him, set your boundaries and remember that you need to value your own time and have your own back first.

“But I don’t know if I’m really getting strung along, Natasha. It’s complicated.”

YES. YOU. DO.

Your gut knows because you feel more confused than secure and are more depressed than you are happy.

I realized that 100% of the time I was being strung along and waiting was because I was afraid of failure and terrified of being rejected (again). As long as I could be the mayor of limbo land, I didn’t have to deal. I always had something to talk about with my girlfriends. There was always some issue of his to obsess over and some problem of his that I needed to better to fix.

When the right guy comes along (yes, they exist), you will both choose each other. I dated a lot from the age of 17 and you know what? The first relationship that I ever had where the was a mutual choosing of one another wasn’t until I was much older and many years had passed. That doesn’t have to be you.

Anyone who strings you along does not value, respect or love you enough because they don’t value, respect, and love themselves enough. They are all too comfortable with keeping the Happily Ever After door open just enough for you to have hope and stick around while they continue to use you.

Stop waiting for life to “happen” when someone changes and start making changes within by acting on the recognition of the strings that you are no longer willing to latch onto.

This is how to stop being strung along by a guy.

x Natasha

If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here.

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39 comments

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OMG THIS POST IS EVERYTHING! Thank you Natasha! WOW! YAAAAAS!

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Preach lady! I have experienced this even with friends and coworkers. When is your book coming out? You are wise beyond your years. Love this and love you!

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Yes!! Guys always think that I’ll always be here to put up with their crap. Such an important post

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Another solid post. You are a queeeeeen.

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Agreed!

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I really needed this right now. You’re AMAZING !!!

Waiting around for someone to “be ready” or “change” isn’t love. It’s wasting your time.

I need to remember this!

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You totally saved my day. Getting over the biggest narcissist
Fu**tard ever . You rock Sis

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Right back at you sista xo

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Thank you so much…I really needed to read this….This has been my life for years and I deserve better. I will never again allow what a guy thinks of me, be the reflection or validation of who I am.

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🙂 xoxo

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Epic. That’s all I can say. Xxx ❤️

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🙂 xxxx

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I love and I am so so grateful for this post and your wisdom <3 You have absolutely voiced my persona in ALL my relationships and I am so much more self aware thanks to your insight Natasha. I am turning my life around xx

THIS particularly resonates with me- ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE STRUNG ALONG DOES NOT TRANSLATE TO YOU NOR ANYONE AROUND YOU THAT YOU ARE BEING “SELFLESS,” “PATIENT,” “ADMIRABLE,” AND THAT YOU ARE A “KEEPER” OR A “GOOD CATCH.” IT TRANSLATES THAT YOU SUFFER FROM DENIAL, VALIDATION-SEEKING DELUSION AND HAVE ZERO SELF-ESTEEM.

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You’re going to make me cry. Thanks Joy! 🙂 I’m proud of you and honored to have had a small part in your healing and realizations. You are a gem. xx

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Omg that passage is what really resonated with me too!!!

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I have to tell you. I’ve been stuck in 15 months of fu*ktardness with my off and on ex. It is the worst relationsh*t I have ever experienced…yet I could never seem to have the strength to get.the.hell.out. In fact, I never even knew how insecure I really was until THIS relationship. Your blog has given me the ability to see things for how they really are, and the resolve to move on. When I feel weak (and I definitely do often), I come here to get my pep talk. Thank you so much for this.

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Sherry, it was, is and will always be my pleasure 🙂 I’m honored to have played a part in your healing and realizations. You are loved, understood, believed in, and never, ever alone. You can do this! Love to you soul sister; thanks for being a part of this tribe. XOXO

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? every bit of it is so on point. Of course I know I’m being strung along by “that guy I can’t get over.” This has been going on for about two years. When we met, we dated for about 3 months straight until he disappeared. Then he’s messed with my mind since. Of course I could’ve walked away when he first disappeared, but I didn’t because I liked him. I would justify many of actions. And here I am now, still in the same cycle. We go without talking for like 2 or 3 months, then reconnect and “catch up.” When we do hang out he acts like if we’re dating. Pays for dinner, holds my hand, let’s me sleep over, cuddles, blah.blah.blah. Obvious, because he could get what he wants with no labels and commitment involved. I’ve tried cutting things off completely, but I never follow through (and it doesn’t help that his brother is my neighbor)…( and no that’s not how we met, it was just coincidence) so I see him often either way. My point is, I’m very much aware of the situation I’m in. I’ve asked my self, have I lost my dignity? Because I know I deserve so much more. Yet I just can’t seem to get over “that guy!”

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Hi Lee! I’m so happy that the post helped! Keep coming back here to the blog. You’re not alone. XOXO

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I knew in my gut that I have been strung along and lied to for the past year, but I stilled googled it…for validation. This couldn’t be more on point and exactly describes me. I’m finding the strength to walk away from a hopeless situation and face my fears of rejection and loneliness associated with my marriage ending because my ex had an affair. This guy was the first I felt comfortable enough getting close to since my divorce and he smelled the insecurity and willingness to put up with anything from a mile away. And he quickly formed that ‘exclusive, but I need time to be completely committed’ relationship with me. I’ve had someone contact me to tell me he’s seeing other women. I confronted him, he denied. I find him on dating websites and call him out. He turns it around on me, ‘why are you on the site?’. He won’t tell me what our relationship is, and every time I ‘walk away’ he doesn’t fight for me to stay, and now pretty much expects me to come running back a week later and pick up right where we left off, without any discussion or conversation about what was bothering me. Because he knows I won’t challenge it out of fear of him walking away. It has to stop. And it stops now. I’m reading this every day to remind myself that I’m worth more, I need to work on me, and that I’m wasting my time with him. Thank you so much!!

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Thank YOU so much Kristin! 🙂 Thank you for sharing. I’m happy that the post helped! Keep coming back here to the blog. You’re not alone. XOX

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Thank you so much…I really needed to read this….This has been my life for years and I deserve better. I will never again allow what a guy thinks of me, be the reflection or validation of who I am.

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I’ve been dealing with this for 3 months now. This is exactly what I needed to read, thank you

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Happy it helped! 🙂 Thanks Elizabeth!! xo

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I SO needed this good read. I had been in limbo with a guy for 4 damn years… Finally realized I deserved better. I can’t say thank you enough for writing this.

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Hi Brianna! I’m so happy that the post helped 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to comment and for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you sister. XOX

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Hello Natasha, I wish I knew you a long time ago. O m g. I have tears running down my face; as you said it so real, & raw. Omg I needed to hear this truth. I cannot believe ; but I do believe as I needed this So bad. Why has no one else in my life said this in this manner to me?
It’s been 8 years with Chris• & I never completely realized this so clearly as I do today, right now. Justified tears• humiliation , just grew up. Needed s strong mom who felt good about herself. Help me! I’m helped Now.
denise*

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I am so happy and honored to help! Thanks Denise 🙂 xx

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Thank you so much for this. Every single relationship I’ve ever had has been this, and I am so unbelievably angry with myself for letting those men decide my self worth. Every time I got into a relationship I became unhappy and insecure. Compared myself to other women. Obsessed over their exes. Tried to be the one who was always there. Tried to turn myself into the perfect person for them. Became everything but myself. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do we do this? Since when did I become this insecure? Never again. I’m not doing this ever again. I’m so happy I googled this and found your article. Thank you so much for writing it you have no idea how much strength you’ve just given me. God bless xx

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Happy it helped! 🙂 Thanks Gem for your love, support, and for being a part of this tribe. xoxo

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I have read a HUNDRED ARTICLES trying to get over, fix, forget, move on, work with my hot and cold dude for three years but THIS ARTICLE is a game changer. I needed this. I bookmarked it so I can keep reading it.

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Hi Katy!

Thank you! I am so happy to help 🙂 Thank you for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you soul sister. xx

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Im trying to install your voice into the back of my brain in place of this whimpy one who keeps taking him back…
Thank you!

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You got this sister ♥️♥️♥️♥️

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I feel so ashamed. I am 50 yo and I should’ve known these things by now. I was in denial of reality for 4 month lately simply bs I felt “chemistry” like never before. What you are doing is really huge bs there are some women out there (like myself) who are almost old, have degrees and serious jobs but can’t stop doing stupid things in relationships. Jeez

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Don’t ever feel ashamed Anna <3 We are ALL in this together and learning as we go.

Thank you for being a part of this tribe. XOX

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I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you Natasha. I am in this exact situation currently, only it is my girlfriend who is acting this way. This is one of the best articles I’ve found addressing this. I’m the guy, but I’m the caring & empathetic one. I think it’s because, to me, real love is such a wonderful thing. It has been a heart breaking rollercoaster not being treated as a priority, & I know I deserve better. The funny thing is I am very confident in myself, & am generally very alpha, but this has been a real blow to my self esteem, because it’s hard to let go of someone you really love. To all the ladies reading this, there are a lot of amazing guys out there that don’t act like this, I am proof. Don’t lose hope; You’re valuable just like me. Thank you all for having genuine hearts, & for all the effort you put in.

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This is so true. We ALWAYS know, our intuition is that powerful, but we choose to ignore it. We want the attention more than we do respect!

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PREACH! xo

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