Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot about how to “live your best life.” It’s everywhere right now. #livingmybestlife and #bestlife are popular hashtags on social media. I’m listening to “Best Life,” as I type this by the pool.
So what does it really mean to live your best life?
And how do you go about even knowing how to live your best life?
I never write from any kind of an “I-am-your-guru,” psychological high horse. I write to help people out of pain, insecurity, and suffering that I have gone through and still go through. I write to navigate men and women away from the magnetic pull of f*cktards and the bs/darkness associated with it all. I write with the hope of affirmation that I’m not alone.
I also write to remember and solidify my own advice.
Sometimes when I write a longer post (like the last one), it allows me to come to very simple realizations/answers to issues that thrive on complication. The complication of these issues perpetuate mediocrity to such an extent, we become reduced to thinking that “live your best life,” means proving haters wrong, getting a certain number of likes/comments, making him/her burn in regret, living a life based more on impressing others than impressing ourselves, and being “good enough,” for a pig to turn into a puppy.
As far as knowing how to live your best life, I’ve come to a very simple realization that I know works.
How am I so sure?
- It has transformed and attracted mutuality, value, and quality in my professional, personal, romantic, and familial relationships that I never thought was possible.
- It has allowed me to go from being labeled as “too sensitive” and “too much,” to me being my own white horse, rider, and ride.
- It has allowed others to recognize that I have limits and standards without me having to verbalize or write them out in smoke signals.
- It has allowed me to actually STICK to those limits and standards with a complete absence of guilt for implementing them.
- It has allowed me to define my own identity instead of adopting a personal identity of reluctant f*cktard creation.
And most significant of all – It has built the most unshakeable, unf*ckwithable confidence, self-love, and self-respect.
The worst advice I have ever got in my life: “Natasha, it’s not that simple.” I think that it really IS that simple. Our fears and insecurities are prone to complication creation so that we don’t have to do the scariest thing: accept, adjust/implement boundaries, and take action in our own lives.
Looking back – Every moment that I spent investigating if the weeds in my life would turn into a rose garden, came at the expense of my ability to recognize my own roses. I then weed-labeled myself and as much as I claimed to want a fellow rose… ALL I attracted were more weeds who either couldn’t see the rose in me because I couldn’t see it in myself, or saw the rose and exploited my own blindness for their benefit.
When it comes to knowing how to live your best life, it’s stupid simple.
Here’s the one realization that you need to live your best life NOW…
You will live your best life when you realize THIS:
The ONLY people who will EVER get upset, make you feel bad for, be abusive and deflect, manipulate, throw a tantrum, and act out against you having limits, standards, and boundaries are the ones who either KNOW THEY WOULD or ALREADY HAVE BENEFITED the most from you not having any. Period.
It’s scary to implement boundaries because many of us grow up in a state of such contradiction, any blow of the breeze induces guilt.
We are taught to have our own back, but not at the expense of someone else’s feelings.
We are taught to graduate from wearing diapers and acclimate to toilet usage but then grow up to be adults who feel guilty for not accommodating to change the emotional diapers of a grown adult and deciding to flush their bullsh*t.
As long as you suffer from low self-esteem, boundaries will always induce guilt when implemented. Wouldn’t you feel bad about having to stick up for someone that you didn’t, or at very best, selectively liked, loved, and respected?
Here’s the thing though – You will NEVER build unf*ckwithable self esteem WITHOUT implementing boundaries.
And just like you’ll get less and less sore after you stretch your muscles and workout daily, the guilt for having limits, standards, and actually sticking to them WILL go away with practice.
♡ Live your best life now by understanding that the ONLY people who will EVER have an issue with you having your own back are the ones who define having theirs by exploiting your inability to.
♡ Live your best life now by understanding that people whose relational values are comprised of empathy, connectivity, value, respect, and the MATURITY that all of those require, will have ZERO issue with you not being superhuman and having boundaries, limits, and standards. This makes me think of one of my best friends. We are the same age and he is the most accomplished, gifted, driven, BUSY, and talented person I have ever known. Yet, he always makes me feel like I am a priority and he finds the time to text back faster than people I know who are unemployed. Also, when he’s busy, he communicates that he is unable to talk. When I’m slammed with work and he isn’t, not only does he understand, he roots me on and respects my need to disconnect. There’s no guilt, no drama, nothing but a connection that has enriched my life and motivated me more than words could ever express.
♡ Live your best life now by understanding that once you implement boundaries for yourself, you can finally RELAX. You know your limits and won’t have to worry about creatively avoiding toxic people, friendsh*ts, and relationsh*ts because the boundaries automatically do that FOR you. Implementing your own healthy and non-negotiable standards and limits is the literal clove of garlic to emotional vampires. You also won’t have to worry about amending or having anyone barter your boundaries down. You know your limits/standards and you stick to them. Simple. End of story.
♡ Live your best life now by allowing your boundaries to filter out the seemingly mature reactions to you implementing them. A lot of the time, especially with narcissistic friends, lovers, and exes, these people will get threatened by you reintroducing them to who you truly are – someone who has hit his/her limit – someone who is NO LONGER their doormat and who cuts contact. And because narcissists are competitive by nature, they will try to “maturity match” you in the name of: grandiose apology, after apology… after f*ck up… after apology. Or, they’ll reply in a very cold but uncharacteristically surrendered/psychologically mature manner to take your emotional temperature and to see just how much it will unravel and mess with you, etc. As mature and evolved and “maybe he/she has changed,” as these all seem, it’s actually just a further bust of YOUR boundaries that they cannot handle the implementation of.
Whatever you call them – limits, standards, boundaries – they are there to protect you and preserve your innate value. They are a product of the love, respect, trust, and value that you have for yourself – EVEN IF you have to fake it until you make it. I know I did.
In the gym, losing weight and building muscle comes with dedication and a knowingness of a desired result that supersedes the fear of initial temporary soreness. Muscle memory is a real thing and so is emotional muscle memory.
And just like with your physical body, you’ve got to be more scared of the atrophy of your emotional muscles than you are of the initial soreness (aka guilt for implementing boundaries).
The one thing that will disallow you from being able to live your best life…
Becoming emotional roadkill to the monster trucks of those who benefited the most from you acquiescing to their big wheels.
Implementing boundaries is the nail that flattens every one of their overly inflated tires.
It’s the gasoline that gets the Rolls Royce (YOU) out of the garage and on the road with the other cars who can stay in their own lane while respecting yours.