Anyone else out there a total New Year’s resolution failure?
I’m not big fan of New Year’s resolutions. Probably because I’ve always excelled at itemizing them, amping myself up, and then failing miserably at carrying them out for more than a week or two… if I’m lucky.
New Year’s resolutions are the perfect storm of societal and self-induced pressure to change/turn around/”wipe clean,” all the sh*t that the holidays (and the past year in general), have done such an eloquent job of highlighting.
New Year’s resolutions are hard to maintain because more often than not, the life that we breath into them is comprised of more hope than execution.
And with a structure that weak, the foundation for our resolutions thus becomes unrealistic expectation-setting in the name of clean-slate nostalgia.
We end up setting these “umbrella” New Year’s resolutions that are so over the top and all-emcompassing, they can’t be focused on anything quantifiable or specific. And because of this, we never really know if or feel like we have accomplished anything.
A now totally justified lisence renewal of operating on a sub par level (whether it be relationally, emotionally, scholastically, professionally, personally, etc.), ensues. This is followed by the complete draining of whatever self-esteem you had left. And by “you,” I always mean ME too. Welcome to the wash-rinse-repeat “resolutions,” that took over more than 2 decades of my life.
According to Oxford Dictionary, the term “resolution” is defined as:
A firm decision to do or not to do something.
That’s right – someTHING, not 723682736 things that give you anxiety just thinking about them all.
I’m a firm believer in the law of attraction and I can assure you – No matter how badly you want something, if it gives you anxiety when you think about it, you’ll never end up attracting it.
Because you’re vibrating on a level of angst, you’ll just end up attracting more relationships, circumstances, situations and events that elicit the feeling you are most strongly emanating.
In my last post, I mentioned my love affair with lists and how I wanted to create a New Year’s LIST in lieu of resolutions.
These aren’t specific things that you need to check off everyday. In fact, instead of trying to accomplish or embody every one of them, HOLD ON TO THE FEELING that you get when you read this list. Ride that wave and see where the connection and awareness take you. That’s my best advice.
So here it is – The Ultimate New Year’s List.
Unlike the list in my last post, which had more explaining and analysis, I wanted to keep this one super clean, specific and simple.
These things that have not only changed my life, but I remind myself of them and practice them daily. I’ve discussed a lot of this in previous posts this year and wanted to tie it all together for you.
Here’s to YOUR year. Starting now.
- Less reacting more proACTING.
- Don’t ever assume you can thrive with a limited supply of the 3 things that a plant could not live without: sunlight (or this), plenty of water, and fresh air.
- Whenever you are faced with the option of folding or explaining yourself to someone who has dishonored you (aka a f*cktard) – FOLD.
- If someone was emotionally blind enough to hurt you, cheat on you, ghost you, be a fake friend or deceitful lover, understand that their empathetic vision will NEVER be 20/20, no matter how much you cry and explain. Save your energy, cut your emotional losses and FLUSH.
- Know that for this New Year’s Day and beyond – You already have everything that you need to start.
- “Eat breakfast like a queen, lunch like a princess and dinner like a pauper.” – Your skin, digestion and quality of sleep will thank you in spades.
- You will find the deepest level of empathy, connection, wisdom and healing by spending time with the 3 most wise and undefended beings: children, the elderly, and animals.
- Focus less on strenuous exercise and more on MOVEMENT. Continual and constant movement. Physical movement is the laxative to emotional constipation.
- Remember – People can’t help but communicate who they are. And who they are is never tied to your perceived lack of value.
- Keep your character in tact. Character is defined by the ability to seamlessly, empathetically and without concerted attention, match your words with your actions.
- Make your own emotional money. Know the value of your emotional dollar, invest wisely, and never accept or tie your worth to disproportionate returns.
- He/she didn’t change. They revealed who they ARE (and were before you/will be after you).
- The more you search for an emotional eraser, the more highlighters you’ll find.
- If you engage in gossip, you translate to all people involved that you have no problem being gossiped ABOUT.
- A private life is a happy life. Guard and protect your privacy. It’s sacred. Everything that’s found in abundance is always sold at a discount. The more you respect your privacy, the more your value increases to everyone around you.
- If you’re struggling with getting over someone who broke your heart, remember this: The SHADOW of the person you end up with with be brighter than your ex’s light at it’s highest amplification. Why? Because we attract what we exude and you are no longer putting up with your light being dimmed – by others or yourself.
- Don’t give people credit that they haven’t earned.
- Don’t take credit for other people’s behavior – good and bad.
- The key to being happy – identify when/where you are making things about you and remind yourself that the only thing “about you” is YOU. Mind your own business and let people own their own.
- How to always stand in your power: Own your narrative. Feel your feelings without impulsively acting on them. Use your innate superpower of non-reactiving. When you react on emotional impulse, you give the other person a roadmap to your triggers, pain, insecurities and issues (that they can exploit and use to feel superior).
- Stop handing over your position of CEO. YOU are the CEO of Y.O.U. A top New Year’s decision of yours should be to update your terms, conditions and evaluate the people in your life. YOU decide who gets to be fired, promoted or demoted – no one else. And the more you adhere to the terms and conditions that YOU DECIDE to set, the more selective you’ll become (and the more quality you’ll attract. F*ck quantity).
- Pay very close attention to how the people in your life respond/react to: your evolution, successes, failures, diagnoses, crisis, good times and bad. It will tell you all that you need to know.
- When you first start dating someone, pay close attention to how they treat EVERYONE AROUND THEM (including animals). Of course they’re going to be on the best behavior with you in the beginning.
- Only be around people who want you. Needing does not = wanting. Wanting uplifts you, needing drains and doormats you.
- You will always be the product of 3 things so be very aware of them: Your thoughts, your level of movement (both mental and physical), and what you choose to consume (literally and emotionally).
- Your relationships will ALWAYS be a direct reflection of the relationship that you have with yourself. Distance yourself from toxic people and surround yourself only with those who are a reflection of who you want to be, what you want to do, and how you feel about yourself. Energy is just as contagious as the flu.
- When in doubt, remember – Silence is always the best reply to a f*cktard.
- Learn to enjoy your own company. Your power lies in the knowingness that you are your own soulmate, savior, healer, leader and best friend. Master the enjoyment of your own company and everyone will want to be in your atmosphere.
- If you feel badly about yourself, other people probably will too. When you project an air of gratitude, confidence and self assurance, people will follow suit. Always hold your head high and stay on your white horse. Its okay to fall off.
- Make the New Year’s decision to stop superficially judging people. Everyone is fighting an unseen and unheard battle. ALWAYS however, judge the sh*t out of people’s consistent actions toward you and have the self respect to ACT accordingly. This isn’t about your lack of value – it’s about accepting that another person’s emotional deaf and blindness has nothing to do with you. You don’t have the power to emotionally handicap someone into empathetic bankruptcy just by being in a relationship with them.
- Just say no to emotional bed sh*tters. True love and being “good enough,” is not defined by the ability to emotionally potty train a grown-up.
- Don’t date a version (good or bad) of: Mom, Dad, or an ex. Ever.
- Keep your boundaries in tact. They are there to protect you. When you act on your boundaries, you’ll realize the pointlessness of explaining yourself.
- Never feel guilty for acting on your boundaries. Recognizing yourself in a healthy manner and having your own back should never induce guilt.
- Stay away from people who make your feel immature, guilty or like a drama queen for having boundaries. It’s a window into their mental state, not a mirror reflection of yours. They can’t speak with their actions and because of this, they feel like you shouldn’t be able to either.
- Clean up your contradictions. Contradiction is the root of all failure, dis-ease, misery and heartbreak.
- Treat others as though you know it’s their last day on earth and they have no clue. Living each day like it’s your last isn’t practical (or most likely legal).
- Forgiveness is accepting someone for who they have unfolded to be. Who they are RIGHT NOW (not who they were in high school, who they were 6 months ago or who they were when you were dating).
- When you interact with anyone – ALWAYS aim to empathetically connect, never audition. Auditions involve one person being “chosen” and a high possibility of rejection. Make the New Year’s decision to put an end to the auctioning era of your life. The moment you decide to choose yourself is the moment others will want you to choose them.
- Get out a photo of yourself as a child. Look at that photo and ask yourself “who was the adult, badass, boss, Sasha Fierce, big sister,” that little girl needed and didn’t have? Become.That.Person. Be the adult/friend/example you needed when you were younger and didn’t have. Commit to it and you’ll never look for lovers or friends to be your emotional oxygen or see in you what you can’t see in yourself.
Wishing you all a New Year as incredible as you are. I can’t wait to share everything that I’ve been working on with you 🙂
ALSO – if you haven’t entered my $3000 holiday giveaway yet, make sure you do. Details here.