Anyone else out there a total New Year’s resolution failure?

I’m not big fan of New Year’s resolutions. Probably because I’ve always excelled at itemizing them, amping myself up, and then failing miserably at carrying them out for more than a week or two… if I’m lucky.

New Year’s resolutions are the perfect storm of societal and self-induced pressure to change/turn around/”wipe clean,” all the sh*t that the holidays (and the past year in general), have done such an eloquent job of highlighting.

New Year’s resolutions are hard to maintain because more often than not, the life that we breath into them is comprised of more hope than execution.

And with a structure that weak, the foundation for our resolutions thus becomes unrealistic expectation-setting in the name of clean-slate nostalgia.

We end up setting these “umbrella” New Year’s resolutions that are so over the top and all-emcompassing, they can’t be focused on anything quantifiable or specific. And because of this, we never really know if or feel like we have accomplished anything.

A now totally justified lisence renewal of operating on a sub par level (whether it be relationally, emotionally, scholastically, professionally, personally, etc.), ensues. This is followed by the complete draining of whatever self-esteem you had left. And by “you,” I always mean ME too. Welcome to the wash-rinse-repeat “resolutions,” that took over more than 2 decades of my life.

According to Oxford Dictionary, the term “resolution” is defined as:

A firm decision to do or not to do something.

That’s right – someTHING, not 723682736 things that give you anxiety just thinking about them all.

I’m a firm believer in the law of attraction and I can assure you – No matter how badly you want something, if it gives you anxiety when you think about it, you’ll never end up attracting it.

Because you’re vibrating on a level of angst, you’ll just end up attracting more relationships, circumstances, situations and events that elicit the feeling you are most strongly emanating.

In my last post, I mentioned my love affair with lists and how I wanted to create a New Year’s LIST in lieu of resolutions. 

These aren’t specific things that you need to check off everyday. In fact, instead of trying to accomplish or embody every one of them, HOLD ON TO THE FEELING  that you get when you read this list. Ride that wave and see where the connection and awareness take you. That’s my best advice.

So here it is – The Ultimate New Year’s List.

Unlike the list in my last post, which had more explaining and analysis, I wanted to keep this one super clean, specific and simple.

These things that have not only changed my life, but I remind myself of them and practice them daily. I’ve discussed a lot of this in previous posts this year and wanted to tie it all together for you.

Here’s to YOUR year. Starting now.

  1. Less reacting more proACTING.
  2. Don’t ever assume you can thrive with a limited supply of the 3 things that a plant could not live without: sunlight (or this), plenty of water, and fresh air.
  3. Whenever you are faced with the option of folding or explaining yourself to someone who has dishonored you (aka a f*cktard) – FOLD.
  4. If someone was emotionally blind enough to hurt you, cheat on you, ghost you, be a fake friend or deceitful lover, understand that their empathetic vision will NEVER be 20/20, no matter how much you cry and explain. Save your energy, cut your emotional losses and FLUSH.
  5. Know that for this New Year’s Day and beyond – You already have everything that you need to start.
  6. “Eat breakfast like a queen, lunch like a princess and dinner like a pauper.” – Your skin, digestion and quality of sleep will thank you in spades.
  7. You will find the deepest level of empathy, connection, wisdom and healing by spending time with the 3 most wise and undefended beings: children, the elderly, and animals.
  8. Focus less on strenuous exercise and more on MOVEMENT. Continual and constant movement. Physical movement is the laxative to emotional constipation.
  9. Remember – People can’t help but communicate who they are. And who they are is never tied to your perceived lack of value.
  10. Keep your character in tact. Character is defined by the ability to seamlessly, empathetically and without concerted attention, match your words with your actions.
  11. Make your own emotional money. Know the value of your emotional dollar, invest wisely, and never accept or tie your worth to disproportionate returns.
  12. He/she didn’t change. They revealed who they ARE (and were before you/will be after you).
  13. The more you search for an emotional eraser, the more highlighters you’ll find.
  14. If you engage in gossip, you translate to all people involved that you have no problem being gossiped ABOUT.
  15. A private life is a happy life. Guard and protect your privacy. It’s sacred.  Everything that’s found in abundance is always sold at a discount. The more you respect your privacy, the more your value increases to everyone around you.
  16. If you’re struggling with getting over someone who broke your heart, remember this: The SHADOW of the person you end up with with be brighter than your ex’s light at it’s highest amplification. Why? Because we attract what we exude and you are no longer putting up with your light being dimmed – by others or yourself.
  17. Don’t give people credit that they haven’t earned.
  18. Don’t take credit for other people’s behavior – good and bad.
  19. The key to being happy – identify when/where you are making things about you and remind yourself that the only thing “about you” is YOU. Mind your own business and let people own their own.
  20. How to always stand in your power: Own your narrative. Feel your feelings without impulsively acting on them. Use your innate superpower of non-reactiving. When you react on emotional impulse, you give the other person a roadmap to your triggers, pain, insecurities and issues (that they can exploit and use to feel superior).
  21. Stop handing over your position of CEO. YOU are the CEO of Y.O.U. A top New Year’s decision of yours should be to update your terms, conditions and evaluate the people in your life. YOU decide who gets to be fired, promoted or demoted – no one else. And the more you adhere to the terms and conditions that YOU DECIDE to set, the more selective you’ll become (and the more quality you’ll attract. F*ck quantity).
  22. Pay very close attention to how the people in your life respond/react to: your evolution, successes, failures, diagnoses, crisis, good times and bad. It will tell you all that you need to know.
  23. When you first start dating someone, pay close attention to how they treat EVERYONE AROUND THEM (including animals). Of course they’re going to be on the best behavior with you in the beginning.
  24. Only be around people who want you. Needing does not = wanting. Wanting uplifts you, needing drains and doormats you.
  25. You will always be the product of 3 things so be very aware of them: Your thoughts, your level of movement (both mental and physical), and what you choose to consume (literally and emotionally).
  26. Your relationships will ALWAYS be a direct reflection of the relationship that you have with yourself. Distance yourself from toxic people and surround yourself only with those who are a reflection of who you want to be, what you want to do, and how you feel about yourself. Energy is just as contagious as the flu.
  27. When in doubt, remember – Silence is always the best reply to a f*cktard.
  28. Learn to enjoy your own company. Your power lies in the knowingness that you are your own soulmate, savior, healer, leader and best friend. Master the enjoyment of your own company and everyone will want to be in your atmosphere.
  29. If you feel badly about yourself, other people probably will too. When you project an air of gratitude, confidence and self assurance, people will follow suit. Always hold your head high and stay on your white horse. Its okay to fall off.
  30. Make the New Year’s decision to stop superficially judging people. Everyone is fighting an unseen and unheard battle. ALWAYS however, judge the sh*t out of people’s consistent actions toward you and have the self respect to ACT accordingly. This isn’t about your lack of value – it’s about accepting that another person’s emotional deaf and blindness has nothing to do with you. You don’t have the power to emotionally handicap someone into empathetic bankruptcy just by being in a relationship with them.
  31. Just say no to emotional bed sh*tters. True love and being “good enough,” is not defined by the ability to emotionally potty train a grown-up.
  32. Don’t date a version (good or bad) of: Mom, Dad, or an ex. Ever.
  33. Keep your boundaries in tact. They are there to protect you. When you act on your boundaries, you’ll realize the pointlessness of explaining yourself.
  34. Never feel guilty for acting on your boundaries. Recognizing yourself in a healthy manner and having your own back should never induce guilt.
  35. Stay away from people who make your feel immature, guilty or like a drama queen for having boundaries. It’s a window into their mental state, not a mirror reflection of yours. They can’t speak with their actions and because of this, they feel like you shouldn’t be able to either.
  36. Clean up your contradictions. Contradiction is the root of all failure, dis-ease, misery and heartbreak.
  37. Treat others as though you know it’s their last day on earth and they have no clue. Living each day like it’s your last isn’t practical (or most likely legal).
  38. Forgiveness is accepting someone for who they have unfolded to be. Who they are RIGHT NOW (not who they were in high school, who they were 6 months ago or who they were when you were dating).
  39. When you interact with anyone – ALWAYS aim to empathetically connect, never audition. Auditions involve one person being “chosen” and a high possibility of rejection. Make the New Year’s decision to put an end to the auctioning era of your life. The moment you decide to choose yourself is the moment others will want you to choose them. 
  40. Get out a photo of yourself as a child. Look at that photo and ask yourself “who was the adult, badass, boss, Sasha Fierce, big sister,” that little girl needed and didn’t have? Become.That.Person. Be the adult/friend/example you needed when you were younger and didn’t have. Commit to it and you’ll never look for lovers or friends to be your emotional oxygen or see in you what you can’t see in yourself.

Wishing you all a New Year as incredible as you are. I can’t wait to share everything that I’ve been working on with you 🙂

ALSO – if you haven’t entered my $3000 holiday giveaway yet, make sure you do. Details here.

Natasha -xx

if you need further or more personalized help, please look into working with me here.

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44 comments

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Hi Natasha, Thank you for all your writings. They are a joy to read and have helped me through some dark times this last year. I can’t wait to read more. This article was great. I LOVE #16. It’s perfect. I believe you once wrote something like “we shine our light on them and then stare at them in amazement when in reality it’s OUR light we are shining and staring at in awe.” I love how you pointed out in this article that the SHADOW of the one we’re meant for will be brighter than the brightest our ex could be because we attract what we exude and we won’t be dimmed by the ex any longer. These thoughts keep my spirits up. Thank you again and I wish you the best of bests this coming year! xoxo Lisa

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Hi Lisa!

Yes, I did say that. 🙂 So glad that this post served you. Happy New Year sister. Thank you for your love, support and encouragement. It means everything to me. XO

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This is THe list to read on New Year’s Day.

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Thanks Lola 🙂 Happy New Year! xx

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Fold. Fold. Fold. Flush. Flush. Flush.

Number 6. I’m an emotional eater. Cannot believe I admitted that here, but it’s the one thing that disappoints me about myself. I mostly eat very well – but I’ll fall down on this one when I’m emotionally processing something. I find magnesium calm helps and drinking water with lemon or lime juice. I can even look at chocolate and not eat it. But once I start, I’m like a vampire on a feeding frenzy. Sugar is the devil. Know this. Lol. Queen. Princess. Pauper. I can do this.

Number 9. Number 9. Number 9. BINGO!

Number 33. Boundaries! Bless them! If they aren’t strong yet, nurture yourself and they soon will be.

This whole post is beautifully written, Natasha, and you are always giving us gifts. Thank you so very much for this. What a perfect start to the year. You are very special and your heart is full. Happy new year to you and all the tribe. I’ll be printing this one off and putting it in my work diary to be read when needing a little boost. ?

Love xxx ?⭐️?

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Thank you from the bottom of my heart Lorelle. Thank you for being an angel in my life and for so many here who you have connected with. You are loved, appreciated and valued more than you’ll ever know. Happy New Year to you soul sis! xx

PS – Agreed! Magnesium Calm and lemon water are the best 🙂

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And number 7. Yes. Yes. Yes. Life force coming at you in its most pure form. ?❤️?

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🙂 xx

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Amazing as always. <3

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🙂 thanks Leah!

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That photo of you. Drop. dead. gorgeous Literally my jaw was like hanging out.
I don’t know how to tell you how much I love you and owe everything to you.
You’ve helped me more than anyone would ever be willing to help. I love you.

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Awwww it is my pleasure. I love you too Catherine! xx

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always have just the right words to say at just the perfect time. you’re my girl. love you always.
xoxo

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Love you too Madeline 🙂 Happy New Year! XO

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Happy New Year Natasha and tribe! I dont believe in New Years resolutions myself but i do believe that we can learn and grow despite our past pains..mistakes ..heartbreak and disappointments. With the new year brings new hope for me and things i have yet to experince amd learn. I am still a work in progress but having this blog and the love and support from Natasha and the wonderful tribe here i never feel alone.

Natasha you already know how i feel about you sister. You are beautiful inside and out and i am so glad i found you. Maybe this year i will get to meet you for real and give you that big hug my dear. I’m looking forward to it. ?

Happy 2018 to all.
Love…light and peace.
#whitehorsewarriors

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Happy new year beautiful!
Love, light and peace to you too. You are definitely NOT alone Vicki.
❤️☀️?
Keep riding your white horse xxx ?

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Hugs Lorelle! Happy New Year my friend.
xxxxx

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Vicki – Besides being the invaluable gift that your friendship, support and love are, #whitehorsewarriors is something that I’m going to use in a big way this year so THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart.

And YES -!! Please. I can’t wait 🙂

Happy New Year Vicki. XOXO

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And btw… you look gorgeous as always in this pic. 🙂
Love you lots my dear Natasha.
xxxxxx

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Thanks sister. Love you too! x

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Most EMPOWERING list for the New Year out there! Way to nail it, beautiful Natasha (inside and out…. seriously you are radiating in this pic, that smile is everything!) It’s empowering because it calls and draws out the best in us, while simultaneously encouraging us in what we are already working on. And it’s just different, in the best way. Somehow I don’t feel guilt…. even though I have a lot to work on. I feel excited and motivated and like I have answers and tools and gumption (ha! Name that movie!)

I came across this quote “This year, change things up and commit to a character-driven resolution. Think about who you want to “be” versus what you want to “do.” This elevated mindset will help you become the best version of yourself… (in leadership, it said, but I just deleted that part bc I thought it applied to everyone everywhere). Everything you’ve said here is about becoming the best version of ourselves and honestly I think your insight is uniquely life changing! It’s changed mine for sure!

Commenting here bc I feel like I’ve walked my journey with Vicki and Lorelle and both of your comments are always so encouraging and make me laugh and smile and feel known. (I *think the 4 of us agreed to dinner at some point!? ?) Vicki, this year for me has been ab embracing my pain, mistakes, heartbreaks and disappointments, like you said, and I’ve never felt so free and whole!) Natasha, you have been so integral in that shift in my mind and heart.

It IS possible to totally change your mindset and boundaries and perspective. It IS possible to move on, to realign your truth, to no longer accept crumbs and know your worth. It IS possible to shift into light and hope instead of a downward spiral. I know because even though I never EVER thought I could, I did. If I can, you can, I prommmmise. #whitehorsewarriors YES. Genius. Best # ever. We need t-shirts pronto. (No pressure busy Miss keeping our lives afloat!!)

Love to the Tribe! Cheers to making this year – one we look back on as a turning point!

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KP….. I’m crying… happy tears! I love that quote “change things up and commit to a character -driven resolution” I could not agree more. And I have no idea what I have said in my other comments, but if they made you smile then that make me happy 🙂

Dinner would be awesome my friend. Think about the convo at that table between the 4 of us. It could just be the start of a new reality show. Lol 🙂 🙂 God only knows there’s not enough of them already on t.v. Geeze.

Natasha promised to use the #whitehorsewarriors this year lol. I think t-shirts would be cool … in Natasha’s spare time of course. Hahaha.

Sending lots of love and hugs to you KP.
XOXO
#whitehorsewarriors

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You and me both Lorelle. Ha! I am looking so forward to that dinner 🙂

#whitehorsewarriors is the best!

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KP,

I am in tears. Thank you for shining that beautiful healing light of yours on us all and for being a part of this tribe. I am so appreciative and in awe of who you are and all you have accomplished. You are incredible.

I love that quote! YES to dinner and I’m already on it with the t-shirts + more 🙂 xxxx

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Happy New Year Natasha! Thank you for being you and helping people like me.

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It is my absolute please Mari. Thank you for affirming that I was never alone in so many thoughts and feelings that for a long time, I was convinced that I was alone in. Thank you for connecting to me and my work. Love you 🙂 Happy New Year! x

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Natasha, thank you for sharing this!!! This was awesome!! #27 made me laugh out loud because of its truth and because it reminded me about someone and how I chose to stay silent instead of having the last word. Have a wonderful 2018!! Can’t wait to see what you share with us in this new fresh year!

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Hhahah glad I could make you laugh! Laughter is everything.

You too Sandy! Happy New Year! I can’t wait either 🙂 Thank you for your love, support, and for just being YOU. xo

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Perfect, Natasha! I loved this whole post so much. Thank you for all you have done to help me and so many others. Happy New Year to you and all the amazing, strong, intelligent people in this tribe! Looking forward to 2018 and all the positive changes that will come. Love and light to you!! <3 XOXO

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Thank YOU Lori – for your sisterhood, love and support. Happy New Year 🙂 XO

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Finding you, Queen Natasha, and this entire tribe, has been the greatest gift I received in 2017. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the countless, immeasurable ways you have saved / changed /inspired me. xoxo

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It is my pleasure. I’m so happy and honored to have helped 🙂 Thank you for being a part of this tribe Emma. Happy New Year to you. Sending you love. xx

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Brilliant! as are the many articles I have binge-read until I now am almost cross-eyed. Truly wise + witty + empowering – a fast track to relationsh*t recovery, all while sitting pretty on a bold + beautiful white horse. A million thanks!

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Awww I love this! 🙂 Thanks from the bottom of my heart Brenda. Happy New Year soul sister. XO

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Hello Natasha. Thank you for this priceless list. They all apply to me. I will keep them close by this year.
I hope your New Year is starting out happy. Miss you and patiently waiting for your book and all other gifts you speak of.
????

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Happy New Year Linda! 🙂 I’m so happy it helped. Love and miss you too.

Thank you for being you. XOXO

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Not only did you encourage me to launch Beauty With Paralysis when I was consumed by the spirit of fear and uncertainty, you connected me with an incredible person who helped with this creation. Because in your heart, you believed in me, my passion and my calling. I will forever be eternally grateful for you and I don’t think I genuinely thanked you for that. At the time, I was still in a really weak place mentally/emotionally and took you for granted so thank you for all that you’ve done for me. You are an incredible person, I can only hope to become half the woman you are one day. My personal experience that I shared with you during coaching will always warm my heart. Whenever I’m feeling weak, I still refer to your site and continuously recommend friends to come here whenever they question their worth. I just wanted you to know this and although we went our separate ways, I hope you realize the positive impact you’ve made in my life.

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This made me tear up <3 Thanks Carson. You are missed, loved, adored, looked up to, and always believed in. XOXO

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I am a little late in wishing you a Happy New Year and giving you a heartfelt ‘Thank You’ full of gratitude.
You, along with my close friends and my children are the reason I am no longer drowning in that black pit in which I felt trapped and if it were not for the beautiful light that you’ve kindly held to guide me out – I’d probably still be there. This post is wonderful, all your posts are and for sharing with all of us – you are amazing. I am almost there. Not only do I want to be back to myself again, I want to become a much better and stronger version of myself. You are a living proof among many amazing people, that it is possible.
Thank you.

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Michelle – I am in tears as I type this. Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for seeing your own pain in mine and affirming that I am not and was never alone in my feelings, emotions and experiences. You are incredible. Love you soul sis. xx

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Hi Natasha,
One little week ago I had the realisation that I had been involved for over a year with someone I didn’t even know (narcissist, sociopath or psychopath… whatever). Although I have tried to PUSH ON THROUGH, today has been pretty dark. Finding your blog tonight is like a little gift to give me the motivation to pick myself up, dust myself off and be better than I was before the big fat lie that hijacked my life. THANK YOU. Love your writing. x

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Hi Lisa!

I am so incredibly honored to have helped. Thank you for taking the time to comment and for being a part of this tribe. You are understood, supported, backed, believed in, loved and never alone. All my love to you soul sister. xx

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Hi Natasha, Beautiful post.Love how you’re so deep and how you use simple examples to explain complicated issues.(e.g Kitchen and ingredient explanation). I didn’t get 32, Mum/Dad, why?. 40 was a beautiful summary.

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Hi Chichi! So glad that the post was helpful! 🙂

Wish I had the time to further explain here on the comments but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. Thank you for you love, support, understanding, and for being a part of this tribe. It means the world to me. XOXO

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