It may have been a total relationsh*t and yeah, he was empathetically bankrupt and emotionally unavailable, but who doesn’t have issues? You were the happiest that you had ever been. He made you feel like no one ever had and you know that you’ll never find it again. You literally had everything – you had your person, your soulmate… and now? You’re left picking up the pieces of what was; endlessly stalking while swimming in the toilet of denial, “what if’s,” and searching for any kind of emotional painkiller as you try to figure out how to let him go.

There is something so magical about surrendering. The power of surrender creates immediate transformation for the better. It’s that place in which your emotional shoulders finally descend from your ears. You stop trying to grip the Jello of your fears because surrender always releases the grip in the solidity it provides.

You no longer care to be heard, be “right,” be chosen or “win;” you don’t care as much about being understood because you now have a much deeper understanding of yourself.

When you choose to surrender, you no longer cockblock acceptance & forgiveness because arguing with reality isn’t enticing anymore. Instead of focusing on what life has taken away, you completely surrender to what is.

Yoga not only helped heal my broken heart and my broken body, but it allowed me to surrender – to life, to what was, to what is, and to what will be. Above all, yoga taught me to recognize and surrender to the force within myself and that has been the single most powerful and transformative lesson of my life so far.

But what do you do when you’re completely stuck and no matter what, can’t surrender to the fact that your soulmate is gone?

How do you just accept the one thing that your heart can’t?

Here’s how to let him go, move toward acceptance, extinguish further humiliation and get on the road to indifference (all while remaining on your white horse) in 5 simple & straightforward steps:

Ready to gain some understanding and perspective? Of course you are. Remember: when you’re TRULY ready, that’s when the doors open, the articles appear and the books fly off the shelf. If you weren’t ready, you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

How To Let Him Go:

  1. Understand that relationsh*ts always have the best moments.

    Relationsh*ts can have what seems to be even better moments than healthy and mutual relationships. HOW? When you’re in a relationship with a partner who lacks emotional connectivity, empathy and the ability to be respectful, honest, decent, loving and loyal, you’re always in ESM (emotional starvation mode). ESM (I just made this up), can be defined as: A relationship in which the foundation is comprised of mind f*ckery, hot & cold, competition in the form of triangulation and mixed signals. You become so busy making everything all about your partner and trying to be “good enough,” that when he’s having a good behavior moment, that moment is infinity times more impactful, memorable, ovulation-inducing and irreplaceably intense than anything else because you’ve been on a diet of crumbs, deceit and bullsh*t. I have to admit, I have some really amazing memories from some seriously sh*tty relationsh*ts. The worst relationships have the best moments. But as great as these moments are, guess what? They’re just that… MOMENTS. You deserve a lifetime of consistency and true love, not just some few, far between & sparse MOMENTS with someone that makes Peter Pan look like Confucius.

  2. Learning how to let him go: Hunger vs. Value.

    Remember this for the rest of your life. It will save you time and tears with lovers, friends and even in business: It’s not that this person is that special/valuable, it’s that you’re THAT hungry. If you starved yourself for 5 days and then someone put a half chewed Twinkie in front of you, you’d be all over it. And no matter how many people told you it was just a half eaten Twinkie, you’d say “Yeah, but you guysssss. You don’t understand! You have no IDEA how good it made me feel. It was the best! I don’t even think that was a Twinkie because I’ve never experienced anything like that. I have to spend waste some precious time figuring out what that was. I mean, Twinkies do not taste THAT good! That was a special one. I’ve found a diamond in the rough!” The truth really is such a beautiful weapon in the war against delusion. When we’re really hungry, we’ll eat anything and subsequently overvalue the sh*t out of it. And because we’ve got our own trauma and un-dealt with baggage, we use the fact that the Twinkie satisfied us as a barometer of its value INSTEAD of using it as an indicator of how dangerously starving we were/are. No one can survive on a Twinkie diet. Too many Twinkies and your health will begin to plummet. Remember… you’re the only one that sees filet mignon, we all see something that is supposedly edible with a shelf live superseding that of human life expectancy. If you truly want to know how to let him go, access your hunger first. It will de-pedestal your ex and allow you to operate from a place of reality instead of delusion, insecurity and “please tell me I matter.”

  3. Get out of yourself.

    As much as I genuinely love & appreciate all of the heartfelt compliments I get from the most amazing readers all around the world, I’m not a healer, I’m not a guru, I’m not a messiah, I definitely don’t have all the answers & I’m far from perfect. In fact, you have all healed me more than I could ever begin to help or heal any of you. How? Depression, hopelessness and even having suicidal thoughts (all of which I’ve felt before), are nothing more than having an obsession with yourself. You’re unable to get out of your own head and if you remain consistently trapped in the prison cell of your assumptions, fears and low self esteem… hopelessness and depression will take permanent residency. You have all allowed me to heal because you’ve given me the opportunity to get out of my own head and realize that there’s a whole universe of sisterhood out there that believes in, supports and has my back. You don’t have to be completely healed to help others, but by helping others (and getting outside of your “I’ll-never-be-good-enough” self), you will heal completely. Yes, if you’re fresh off of a breakup and trying to figure out how to let him go, you may think that you’re getting out of your head because you’re not obsessing about yourself, you’re obsessing about your ex… WRONG. You’re obsessing about your ex and trying to figure out how to let him go, through the reverse narcissistic filter of your “must-find-out-what’s-wrong-with-me?” mentality. DO something. Get outside of yourself. Design who YOU want to be. Make sh*t HAPPEN. For me, it was deciding to start a blog that whenever I explained the concept to anyone, they looked at me like I was an Alien. But I DID IT and if I can, SO.CAN.YOU. You CAN get out of your obsessive thoughts.

  4. Know how to let him go WHILE being “the one that got away.”

    Understand that your 2 biggest allies are non-reactivity and making the decision to not provide an opposing force when it comes to your ex and any mutual friends you may have. If you want truly want to let your ex go and reach indifference all while being the girl that every ex girlfriend wants to be (the one that got away), commit to non reactivity. It will build rock solid self respect. React all you want on this blog – It makes my heart so happy to see readers all over the world meeting up, making friends and supporting one other. React here, not out there. Remember: the oxygen of the emotionally unavailable is reactivity. Choose to mind your own business and opt out of the bullsh*t.

  5. How to let him go? Surrender. 

    Surrender means letting go. Letting go of the unanswered questions (that you’ll never get the real answers to) and letting go of the happiness that YOU created through your projections. It’s realizing that relationsh*ts have the best MOMENTS & deciding to let go of just that… MOMENTS. It’s the knowingness that you deserve more than mere flashes of light in an eternal darkness – you deserve the omnipresent bright light that true love will always be defined as. Love is light. Surrender means feeling your feelings and mourning the death of the person that you thought existed. True surrender is making the decision to give it up to a higher power, hug yourself a bit tighter and put one foot in front of the other with the 20/20 vision that hindsight always is. Letting go of a toxic relationsh*t is the best thing that you can for yourself. If you think about it, you’ll realize that the relationship you thought you had was over way before you broke up, let alone figured out how to let him go and surrender to what is.

The universe has taught me time and time again that it will only deliver what I need, exactly when I need it.

Know that the universe, this tribe of badassness and YOU have your back. If you don’t, you will translate that emotional warfare is what you want and so, emotional warfare will be what you keep attracting and manifesting.

The moment you decide to surrender to your existence, to your life and just let go, is the moment you become free to be who you TRULY are, independent of the supporting characters in YOUR life story.

– Natasha x

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81 comments

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I love you Natasha, yet again another amazing piece. It’s definitely hard to let go, see the ex with someone new and overthink about them being happy and whole. Then you remember the true person the bad things they done/said and how it was just a complete mess. The only way a person can save their soul is to surrender , we are all worth so much more! Be the person you want to be 🤗 It’s so much fun 💗 Love liv 🙋🏿

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Exactly! 🙂 Love you Liv! xx

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Natasha, you are maybe not a healer, not a guru or a messiah cause you are an ANGEL on earth!
your blog is the best thing that happened to me!

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🙂 I’m so happy that it’s helped! XOXO

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My boyfriend left me for my possessive nature…my insecurity rude behaviour towards him .
He used to lie that’s why I used to get angry.Moreover I wanted him to be with me always . I separated him from his frnds and family.
I had trust issues so I didn’t wanted him to talk with girls or even make any girl frienda in unversites .

But he never explained me anything whatever I said he agreed so I thought it was okay.I broke up with him as a fun for so many time cause I knew my anger won’t last for more than 3days n he will get me back.

But this time it was different he left me for the first time in 2.5 years relationship.It’s being 3months already.I tried a lot but didn’t work out.Even I surprised him on his bday at 12 . I did what I could.

I messaged him 8days ago asking him to forgive me.I said I still want us.
But he replied he can’t he don’t have any feelings .He talks with so many girls .He have friends .He will move on someday.He just can breath now.
He said he don’t have any grudges toward me he wants me to move on .But how’s that even possible I love me so much.
I had the best moments with him.I cant imagine anyone without him either .

I’m blocked from everywhere now. From another account I check his profile.He seems to be so happy.He is hanging out every day..Lot of friends.I think he is having a feeling for someone else as well .

What should I do :(😫😫😫😫😫

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Learn from your mistakes and become someone you would enjoy being friends with.

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Yes! xoxo

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Thank you for writing Natasha. I really wish I had discovered your website when I was younger. I wish I knew back then what I know now. I wish I hadn’t put myself through unnecessary pain that only I understand now. I wish I didn’t take life so seriously.
Thank you for writing ans articulating things that we all want to say but can’t and don’t know how. Thank you for being consistent in writing and to your passion. Thank you for sharing. Thank you.

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Thank YOU sister 🙂 XO

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Perfect timing today. So needed! Thank you!

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Glad it helped! 🙂

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Last night I was driving in my car and reminding myself that “sometimes the trash takes itself out”. I am a few months out of a rough breakup and have vowed to be unapologetically indifferent and stay on my white horse. Even though there are days when I want to jump off and cry/plead for my life to go back to how it was pre-breakup, I stay on, come back to the blog and remember I am not alone. Your message today about surrendering is exactly what I know I need to do, but have been hesitant as, I’m a control freak. Its going to be difficult but I definitely know the rewards to surrendering will be a million times worth it! Sorry for the novel, but thanks for constantly being the kick in the butt I need 🙂

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You go girl. So proud of you 🙂 You’re doing the right thing and are far from alone. You are loved, supported, backed, believed in and understood. XOXO

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Muah!!!!

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🙂 XOXO

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I have found this blog has been a HUGE help in my journey. Almost 2 months since the break-up and I have stayed on that white horse!
Eight month relationship–said I love you–two weeks later his twin moves back to town…and he freaks out and ends it. Trying to exit the “what happened” mind f(*&ery hamster wheel has NOT been fun. What has helped? This BLOG! I literally read or re-read something on here once a day. 🙂 I am also doing the process outlined in Daphne Rose Kingma’s book”Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours.” I also read Brene Brown’s Rising Strong. Both highly recommend.

In reading this blog post today, once thing that I found helpful about having those “moments”? I have a mantra that I say to myself each time a wonderful moment from our relationsh*t pops up. Always a version of “Thank you for reminding me of that lovely memory. I am learning from this experience. I am worthy of true love and joy. I am letting this memory go…I release you”. It has helped, I think. Just thought I would share that.

Here’s to our tribe on our horses!

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Thank you so much for sharing Genevieve & thank you for being a part of this tribe 🙂 XOXO

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YOUR BEST POST EVER. ❤️ You.

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Thanks babe 🙂 xx

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On point to the max. Thank you
❤️ Much love Natasha
Shout out to all my sisters on this blog .
I wish we could organize a big meetup and all go out to lunch
Together .

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Thanks sister! I would LOVE that! I’m thinking of planning something for the holidays in LA 🙂 X

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So perfect and much needed. Love!! Dawn

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Yayyyy. Happy it helped! Love you sister! xx

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This was exactly what I needed today… Going through a break up 3 months ago and still seeing him and hanging out every weekend!! only to find out hes signed up to dating websites and thinks its OK because well ” I wanted to see him and hang out too so its really my fault that I thought something that wasn’t” This has made me realize that he was so selfish and self involved he had no idea I was even there because I cared!! It took me 2 years of being in love with someone who only loves himself to really understand what you write about here. Kuddos!

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I’m so happy it helped! Thanks for the love Christina 🙂 You’re not alone. XOXO

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Thank you so much for this today. It has been one of “those days”. When i got the notification email I knew it would help. And, it did. I appreciate you and your articles. It seems the days that are the worst are when I get something like this that helps me. 10 year relationship and I am healing slowly from the breakup with my fiance. Thank you so much. I am glad I found this site.

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You’re not alone Mia. Thank YOU for the love, support & for being a part of this tribe! XOXO

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Another brilliant post. What you said about moments makes so much sense. And the last step, number five, brought literal tears to my eyes, especially the line, :” It’s the knowingness that you deserve more than mere flashes of light in an eternal darkness – you deserve the omnipresent bright light that true love will always be defined as.” It made me realize that my self-esteem was so low, I didn’t see myself as deserving of a love like that. Your blog has shown me a way to get out of this vicious cycle.

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You’re going to make me cry. Thanks from the bottom of my heart Vanessa! You are loved, supported, backed, believed in & you WILL get through this. You’re not alone. XO

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💕 I was in a relationsh*t for far too long! Thanks for reminding me to surrender. #trusttheuniverse

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Always! xx

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I am 1 month post-break up. It’s been rough. I have fallen of the “The Wagon” more times than I care to say. A week ago I found your blog and I can truly say it has helped to find someone that really understands what I’m going thru. You make me want to be stronger not because I have to but because I want to. I AM worthy to receive the kind of love that I have given. I will continue to fight his memory and surrender myself so I can become the best version of myself I can be. From the bottom of my heart, Thank You!

xoxox, Cely

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Cely, I’m in tears! That’s what it’s all about. Thank you for being a part of this tribe. You are far from alone. All my love to you soul sister. Proud of you. xx

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Loved the Twinkie analogy – genius girl 🙂

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HAHA 🙂 Thx Patricia!! XOXO

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Your best post ever.

No sugarcoating my ex any longer. Now when I think of him, it will only be in the form of a half eaten twinkie!

Thank you for this space Natasha. Sending my love to you, and all of the lovely ladies who read this blog. Stay strong tribe <3

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LOL! Thanks beautiful 🙂 XOXO & thx you for being a part of this tribe!!

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Okay. Just wondering, after a month this Monday reading your fantastic, amazeballs blog posts, can I have an in on this tribe? I loads of your breakup/ EUM etc posts permanently open paged waiting to read on my phone. I’ve been in NC with no lapses a week this coming Monday. I understand about my White Horse, I’m using some pieces of your posts Natasha as mini affirmations to get me through. They’ve helped immensely and you’re so so brilliant! I have one problem though that I can’t seem to overcome, I seem to be in the background, waiting for ” a text “, ” a whatsapp” an email etc.. I have excepted that we are done. I know that the memories and the stomach sinking of Titanic proportions at the random smells, songs , memories in general are just ” moments in the relations*it. I just feel though that if I git a message or something, I would feel like I actually meant something and was not so easily discarded. Why should he not feel the dragging sensation of the memories etc…when I can barely hear a song on the radio without the Titanic sensation? Any advice would be great! Thanks to all the fellow WW’s ( Women Warriors ) , for sharing your thoughts so that I may feel not so alone. Go raibh mile maith agat ( thank you so much ) and Greetings from Ireland. xxx

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Sorry about the typos there. Just to clarify and correct, I meant that if I ” got” as a pose to “git” a text, etc…. also that I’ve been in NC for 1 month this coming Monday. Go raibh mile, #feellikeanumpty 😯

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Of course you can! Thank you so much for your love, sisterhood, support and for being a part of this tribe Nickie. I’m honored to have played a small part in your healing and realizations. You are far from alone. All my love to you soul sister! Hope to be in Ireland one day soon 🙂 xx

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I opened pms to read one of your posts because I needed some mental strength which only your posts can provide. And I see a new post and I feel stronger and happier instantly. And I haven’t even begun to read it. And you don’t call yourself a healer, guru, messiah 🙂

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Thanks Meg! Love you soul sister xoxo

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Great post! Love “ESM” -been there too much and working on surrender thanks to you 😄 Thank you for going forward when everyone told you were crazy to do this blog. It’s a life saver. Luv you!

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🙂 Thx sister! Love you too! X

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Natasha, I feel like I comment on every post, but I can’t help it! You truly truly save me. My heart has never hurt more than it has with this break up, and you have said everything right to give me the strength to put myself first and start to move on. I never looked at the term “surrendering” as a positive thing until now! Thank you for the bottom of my heart for giving so many of us a place to go for guidance and support. We are all stronger than we think. You are an absolute angel.

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This made my day Justine! (as do all of your comments). Thank YOU for being the light that you are and for being a part of this tribe. Love to you soul sis! xx

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I haven’t been sleeping well these past few nights, over-thinking a lot. I am learning to heal, time is my best friend and finding this blog was the best thing that could have happened to me. Thank you so much for your words, they are beautiful.

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Thanks from the bottom of my heart Hilda. I’m so happy it has helped! XOXO

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Natasha ❤ everything you say makes so much sense to me. I love your idea of surrendering. True happiness comes from within and manifests on the outside. I love you!

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Happy it helped 🙂 I love you too sister! xo

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2 months out of a 2 year relationship. My ex and I lived together and everything seemed fine. I went on holiday at the end of august and retuned one week later to my full world being turned upside down. Not only had he slept with someone in our bed , he no longer wanted a relationship? I was complete blindsided by this and had no clue this was how he felt. No warning signs ( distancing himself, lack of interest) he was very much still the same loving , caring person in my eyes. Whilst I was on holiday I had a miscarriage which I told him about when I returned home, I couldn’t reach him on the phone when it happend. I was in a foreign hospital loosing our baby whilst he slept with another woman in our bed. He has now completely cut me out of his life, blocked me on all social media. This has maybe helped me more though as I can’t see anything. I begged and pleaded for him to stay in my life but that’s not what he wanted. It’s just so hard to see him move on when I’m left here picking up all the broken pieces. I am depressed and I’ve seen the doctor. He referred me to a psychologist. It just doesn’t seem to be getting any easier. I just can’t understand how someone can be so cruel. I really thought he was my “forever person” as cheesy as that sounds I know. We had a great relationship. He’s now out every weekend with his so called friends who he constantly tries to fit in with. He can’t be himself around them as he’s scared they won’t accept him. I loved him for who he was and accepted all his quirks and flaws. To me that’s what made him so beautiful. I would love to hear back from someone anyone who isn’t my mum, sisters or friends. I feel they are constantly tired of me speaking about it but my heart is hurting so much.

Thank you ❤️

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Hi Linzi – I’m so sorry that you’re going through this; I know the kind of pain you’re in. You are loved, supported and are not alone. I wish that I could write more, but I cannot on this platform. I do offer one on one coaching if you are interested. Keeping coming back here to the blog. I know it’s hard. xxxxx

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Broke up for a month and still heart broken.. The broke up was a sudden one without any sign.
One day I felt better, the other day I was dragged back to the unknown darkness.
I found this website and I am so grateful that it brought me peace and clarity.
Thanks so much for the post. I keep coming back every time I felt the darkness returned.
This site is especially helpful to remind myself of all the delusion and unrealistic projection that trapped me.
I feel so much better and less heavy after reading your posts.
It’s so true that “best moments” are just moments , they are not real happiness.
Thanks so much Natasha

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Hi Lune! Thanks for the love. I’m so happy that it helped 🙂 xx

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I think I finally turned a corner thanks in big part to you and to my “tribe” of wonderful girlfriends. Your article on that is also excellent — but that’s not surprising since all of your blog entries are fantastic and I come back here many times when I have a weak moment for some bolstering! I am a smart, attractive, wealthy, kind, successful professional women but I’ve still managed to let a man make me feel small and worthless — ridiculous. I have successfully ignored my ex-F*&%tard for the last few weeks after his last round of hurtful behavior — not easy since we work together — and yesterday he started to contact me again (which I ignored) and today he invited me out for dinner. I confidently said “no, thank you” for the first time — and did it without waffling or feeling bad about myself. He doesn’t get to drop in and out of my life anymore and his issues have not gone away so nothing would be different this time — I am instead going to have a super fun evening out with friends and enjoy every minute. Like you said before, the consequence to him breaking my heart is my eternal absence — which I will show with actions moving forward. I needed some reinforcement from the wise women in my life on this one, and they include you, and feel like I made a major breakthrough today. Feeling good for the first time in months. Thank you!

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You go girl! So proud of and happy for you Shelly 🙂 I’m honored to have had a small part in your healing and realizations. You are supported, believed in and backed. Thanks for being a part of this tribe! XO

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I can’t wait to be like you!!!! I work with mine also!

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Love the sisterhood! 🙂 xo

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I’m having a very bad day and while I’m about to go to bed still feeling like crap, I will fall asleep after having read your words of wisdom, saying a prayer and with the hope that tomorrow will be better. Thanks for the encouragement and support!

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You are not alone XO

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Omgosh I just saw your reply and it made me cry because it’s like you knew I was feeling alone, sigh, thank you xo

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xoxo

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I’m so frustrated! I left my ex for his controlling, dishonest bs but naturally that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him. Well we engaged in a few email exchanges, as he promised to change, and asked me back multiple times. I was baited into consistently saying no, while also letting a bit of the crazy out (basically listing all the reasons he sucks l because he wouldn’t let it go). How could I have let him push me like that? I didn’t want to be a bitch and not respond… well now he stopped responding. And this once in-control, on-the-white-horse girl is now another crazy ex. I feel pretty low right now. And I don’t know if it’s just because he stoooed repsonding? I mean, that is what I wanted! I feel triggered to double email and back peddle… but that’s insanity! I WANT to move on! I WANT to stop engaging in this back and forth. Of course I miss him but he’s awful most of the time. Help!

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Hi Sara!

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this; I know how you feel. I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

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So I have gotten on & fallen off, under & been trampled by my white horse!

I know what I need to do & I can’t seem to get there. I recognize how pathetically cliche I am – I mean crazy cliche. Look up cliche & Webster would have my mug pasted next to the word.

I am even sick of hearing myself talk about my ex. I know I control my happiness & why I still need him in any way in my life is confusing to me. I mean we broke up 3 years after being together for 7 years. Last year, he got sick, knew he had to make a change in his life & knew he wanted me back in his life.. like a fool I believed this time, this time he meant it. He loved me, missed me, regretted how things ended, I was who he wanted …well here we are 365 days later & oh my god, SHOCKER, nothing has changed. He lives with her but he is miserable, there relationship is not like ours, it’s not like what I think…which I don’t even know what that means! I have been willingly listening to this for the three years he has been with her…phone calls on vacation, drunk, crying, I have listened to him & been there for him. I was always the giver & boy did he take!! Even now, telling him I can’t deal with this, that if he wanted to be with me he would & that I feel I pretty much have him 365 chances to come back….his response “sorry.” Wow! Put a lot of effort & emotion into that one!

I have read your posts & so many of them hit home. I want to be strong. Your blog on actions speaking louder than words was like you were speaking to me. Like Meredith pull your big girl panties up & move the f*ck on!! He has made his choice & you deserve better. I cry because I don’t know how to get myself to recognize he isn’t worth it. No man that is willing to do this, to lie, string me along & then say sorry….is worth it!! I am not a priority & I have to believe if he loved me he would have made me one.

I am ready to move on, get on the horse & stay on it this time. Part of me feels at my age (44) nobody is going to want me. It was so easy (like a month) for him to start over after 7 years with me, i could barely get out of bed & he never skipped a beat.. There has to be someone out there for me, when I’m ready, right?!! I hope otherwise I’m going to be the ladies with the dogs (I don’t do cats)!!

I may be screwed up forever by this jerk I give to much power & control to but I will keep reading & maybe one day all of your inspirational posts will sink through my fat head!

You are like no other & I know I’m part of this tribe & happy to belong…..thanks for being you! Now only if you could get in my head & fix it… hahaha

Thanks for being you & being here for me. xoxo

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Thank YOU Meredith! You WILL get past this and you are NOT forevermore damaged. We have your back and believe in you! 🙂 xo

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I have been reading your page for couple of days bow and I love each article that you have. However, everyday it still kills me that I still cant forget my ex who dumped me more than a month ago after everything, as in everything that I did for him. I want to move on as I am already getting sick because of stress, loneliness and depression (I guess). :'(

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IThank you. I just found your page today, I was searching for help of how to survive daily. I wanted to do more than just make it through a day. It has been a few weeks since my break up and your posts made me realize exactly what I was going through, the first person to truly understand. It sems I had ESM, I am a strong, independent woman so I don’t think I ever realized that was my desire at all until your site. Thank you. Hopefully now I can somehow try to let go and move on.

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Glad it helped! Thanks Allison 🙂 XO

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I love your blog, funny, witty, clever and most helpful. Dealing with a break up right now and it’s a struggle to find a balance between looking back to examine patterns of codependency and obsessing over my ex. I know you found yoga helped you get out of your head and into your body, I’ve been doing Taekwondo, again I have to watch out that it doesn’t become an addiction. I’ve also been eating healthy but I’m concerned that I’m just trying to exercise control over my eating habits now that I’m not longer trying to control my relationship.
I’m struggling with going no contact, letting go is really hard… Knowing that others are dealing with the same struggles has been a huge relief, I feel a little less crazy 🙂

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Thanks Chantal! You are far from alone or crazy. You are loved and supported. I’ve been wanting to try Taekwondo! 🙂 xx

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Does anyone else just feel anxious a lot of the time? I’m doing well in “no contact” after my ex left me and three weeks later went to Paris with another girl. He wants to be friends and saysand love this blog and the advice but I can’t shake the anxiety – any tips from the tribe much appreciated! X

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I have a few posts on anxiety! What you’re feeling is normal Annie. Just search “anxiety” on the search bar. Thank you for being a part of this tribe sister! xx

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Hey Annie
Wondering how the NC is going for you? Has it eased at all? I must do the no contact thing but can’t get up the nerve for fear of being seen as “oh she’s angry again”. Like his selfish feelings matter anyway.
Just wanted you to know you’re not alone in this struggle but hope things have turned right side up for you
💕
Lori
(No need to reply if you’re not feeling it😉)

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I broke up with EM fiance 7 months ago and thanks to your posts I have saddled up and held a firm grip on them reins! Oh it’s not been easy jumping the hurdles of raw pain and yearning…accepting the loss of a man I thought was my soul mate…seeing the disappointment etched on the faces of all who were sold on our love story…but oh how I jumped those hurdles…the momemt i called him on on his commitment backtracking and he conceeded..I cut contact immediately, social media, stuff sent back everything. Now I’m exactly where I was longing to be..firmly in the saddle, focused and totally in love with the person I neglected. .ME! no longer do I yearn for me heart integrated this loss and healed enough to never ever doubt myself again..I will trust me everything. Many many thanks for getting me through some tough times Natasha x

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Mary, your comment brought me to tears. I am so incredibly proud of and inspired by you. It is an honored to have played a small part in your healing and realizations. Thank you for taking the time to share & thank you for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you soul sister 🙂 xxxx

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I am really struggling. It has been 6 months in and I am starting to get concerned about what I feel like the lack of progress moving towards indifference and letting go. I have started a small support group for others, I go to therapy, I joined a gym – I feel like I am no better off than I was the 1st day. I read to inspire myself to let go and it works for a moment and then it stops – the waves just crash into each other. Maybe it’s because I saw none of this dissolution coming? One day he likes where we are and where we are going, three days later he is “unhappy and doesn’t feel he can make me happy long term”. It’s like a baseball bat to the side of the head that I can’t seem to recover from. I don’t understand, in the past I’ve always managed to push forward and move on. It’s not happening this time.

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Give yourself time and keep coming back here to the blog. 6 months is not a long time. You’re not alone – you are loved and supported. XOXO

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I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. I thought my on-again-off-again guy and I were getting back together. We were talking and texting and flirting and making plans to get together. Then, he disappeared for a few days. So, I went for a drive one day and found him at another woman’s apartment. The woman he swore was just a friend and nothing more. He told me he was there to talk her into taking a pregnancy test “but it was only one time.” BS. I feel ill, not so much because it’s really over for good but because I let myself be treated so terribly and put up with so many hurtful things waiting on the promise of better days that were never, ever going to come. I used to be strong and confident but being with him wrecked that. I don’t feel like me at all anymore. This blog has been the rock I’ve needed. Thank you.

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Happy it helped ❤ you’re not alone J. XO

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I just wanted to say thank you Natasha. I am so glad I found you. I was pursued by my ex in May of 2015 on social media. I was taking me time after an 11 break up. We went to high school together 25 years ago but I can’t recall him too much. We just chatted for a few months because he said he was just recently separated and that is just a red flag for me..So, we were just good friends. His wife and their 12 year old daughter moved out of the house and he was in the process of selling the home. We got closer but never intimate. Our souls connected and he said he loved but I still wanted to wait a year until the divorce was final. Well, after confessing our love in September 2015, we talked about our future. I told him he can move into my home after he sells his, it’s big enough and he could have had his own room an space. We were extremely close so I thought. Well, he got really sick due to some stomach issues and he had minor surgery. While he was recovering, I took him groceries and his medicine, just kind of looked after him for a couple of weeks. Well, his house finally sold in December 2015 and he was going to move in and he just disappeared he ghosted me for a month. I believe in the No Contact rule so, I was never going to contact him. He had a gambling problem for the past 25 years playing black jack that he told me about He apologized, said everything was moving so fast and that he missed seeing his daughter every night. He is a mans man but he does have an old fashioned side. So, he moved in February, well, that lasted a month. I came home after work and his stuff was gone. No Contact again, 2nd time. Again, he contacted me a week later this time, said the same thing, he is not good enough for me that I have everything together. His was not happy with his current position. His work life has not been the same since his company downsized in 2010. So, he basically had to start over with company after company until he found one that he like and making much less than he did so, he had financial issues but I knew he would start saving soon once we were together because that’s the right thing to do. When he was with his ex, they never saved anything. All she did was spend, spend ,spend and never helped with their home. I have a great career and I can spend and save..Yay to me for being self reliant. Well, he came home again. Fast forward and why I always took him back he left I think about 5 or 6 times throughout 2016. I just chalked it up to everything he was going thru and I was not going to nag him. That’s not my style. Here is where I am shocked. After all of this in the past year, we decided we were going to move closer to our jobs so, we both moved in with family to pay off all of our credit card debt so we could start our future in the summer of 2017, look for a house. I put all of my furniture in storage. Well on January 29 he disappeared again, it has 17 days of No Contact. I will not contact him and I believe this is it. His divorce was in the final stages of being finalized and I am thinking he went back to his wife and daughter. I am just shocked at how much of a coward this man is to not tell me to my face after this rollercoaster ride that in the beginning I did not want to get on. I knew back when we first started talking in 2015 that I should have said contact me after your divorced and are emotionally available. Now, I am left to pick up the pieces and he is gone almost 3 weeks of No Contact. I am a very strong woman but geez, this has done it foe me. The feeling of being deserted is awful. He has showed me the kind of guy he is. I believe now he was a liar and he was having more issues than he let on. I fell for all of it. It was all a pipedream. Nightmare is more like it.

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