How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back. I knowwwwww. I never thought I’d write an article on this either, but you know I got a plan 🙂

If you’ve been following the blog, you know I’m not a big fan of using your precious brainpower, energy and time in an effort to try to get someone back into your life that consistently treated you poorly.

I get it and I’ve been there. You miss him, you miss all of his quirks and jokes and the way that he made you feel. You miss the way that YOU felt and the girl that you were when you were with him when the relationship was good. You make an excuse for and justify everything that he did that was wrong, disrespectful and hurtful because you feel like it was you that provoked it and made him act out. You just want him back, no matter what. how to get your ex boyfriend back

I’m sharing this with you because a lot of you have emailed asking me how to get your ex boyfriend back.

Also – I’m telling you this because it does work.

BUT… I’m sharing it with the knowingness (I KNOW because you guys are all so strong and so badass) that, by the time he does come throwing his scraps your way again, you’ll be empowered, healed, self-assured and strong enough to recognize the scraps for what they are and at that point, will have moved on.

So how to get your ex boyfriend back? Let’s get to it…

Your first problem is that through your internal, OCD, one-track, incessant hamster wheel thoughts (and it doesn’t matter if no one knows what you’re thinking. Your thoughts will always seep out into your actions) and through your actions, you are essentially begging for him back. You have to take a step back, take a breath and vow to put an end to the crazy, an END to the insanity. No one likes crazy and it looks pathetic, desperate and awful on anyone that tries it on. Begging for him back is the worst approach possible. Men, no matter what they may claim, are very territorial. Men want what they can’t have. He may scream from the rooftops that he doesn’t want you and never wants to see you again and he may even really think that he doesn’t want you but I can assure you, he won’t sleep well at night wondering why it is that suddenly you appear to not give a flying F*CK and why it is you’ve gone from Desperate Debby to #IDFWU please-forget-my-name Patty.

All of the crying, Instagram stalking, begging, analyzing, gossiping, playing detective, pleading and bargaining will get you nowhere and the pity and empathy that you are after will never happen. It turns men off, WAAYYYY off to know that you have such little confidence and such a minuscule life that you’re obsessed with their every move and obsessed with losing them. Men want to feel wanted, not psychotically needed. Beating yourself up is not going to help you either. Are you listening? Either make the mistakes that I’ve made in the past or wake the hell up and give this emotionally unavailable f*cktard a run for his money.

If you don’t follow what I say, you will act out of desperation and will ultimately humiliate yourself and further decimate any shred of self-esteem you have left. I’m being blunt because there is no time for sugar-coating. You want to know how to get your ex boyfriend back now? Follow what I’m saying and he won’t know what hit him.

And if he never comes back? What do you REALLY have to lose? An idiot to stalk? At least you’ll stop feeling like an obsessive clown that’s allowing him to weaken the power and strength that you have if you choose to have it.

HOW TO GET YOUR EX BOYFRIEND BACK:

  • DO NOT CALL HIM. Don’t text him, don’t “like” his photos, don’t email him, don’t open his Snapchat stories, DON’T.DO.ANYTHING. He doesn’t deserve to know that you have a heartbeat.
  • I know it’s hard, but DON’T ACT JEALOUS.
  • DON’T LET HIM OR ANY OF HIS FRIENDS SEE YOU CRY. 

Simply appear that you do not give a flying f*ck. 

  • GO OUT. I don’t care if it takes all of the strength that you have to get out of that onesie of yours, put the Netflix and the Nutella and the phone away, take a f-ing baby wipe shower if you’re too depressed to shower (yes, I’ve been there) and drag your baby-wiped butt out into the fresh air, get out and BREATHE.

If he hears through the grapevine that you are out, enjoying yourself and NOT pinning and obsessing over him anymore, he will bust his balls trying to figure out what it is that you’re suddenly up to and what’s “distracting” you from obsessing over him.

And that’s just basic logic and human nature of guys being territorial. Right now he knows that he has you under his thumb. In his mind, you are too hung up on him, too broken over the breakup to have a life of your own and he views that as desperate and pathetic weakness. Oh HELL no missy. Back up. We can’t have that.

Stop all of this “I need you,” “I’ll love you till the day I die,” “We’re soulmates” crap. To him, that’s just unnecessary “drama” and it turns him off because this guy lacks empathy. I’m telling you that you absolutely must make him believe that you are completely over him. Care-free, happy-go-lucky!

Pick ONE friend that you trust or better yet, stop yapping to your friends. Comment on here. You never know which “friend” will go tell the wrong “friend” of his that you’re struggling. No dramatic, long, drawn out depression and good-byes. Let him wonder what in the hell you are avoiding him for.

Either allow your emotions to turn you into a batsh*t psycho that he was glad he got away from or sew him a new butt hole by being the unapologetically graceful, happy, confident girl that you absolutely have to appear to be.

He can make you feel like a fool or you can have piece of mind.

And I don’t care what road kill he starts hanging out with. Do not for any reason whatsoever appear to be jealous, hateful or spiteful. Any chick he turns to is a non-entity in your life. Do not deliberately run into him, but if you happen to see him, be cool. Be sweet as pie and busy enough to cut the convo, asap.

Avoid him like homework and it will get to him soon enough.

The reason most girls don’t do this is because they’re scared of being “mean” or “immature,” but when did having healthy boundaries ever become synonymous with being mean or immature? What’s “mean” about speaking through your dignified actions that you don’t have time for anyone that’s unappreciative of yours?

You’re not being immature at all and any ex that labels you as so for cutting them off? That just means that you got to them.

In the next few weeks, you need to have a new man interested in you. Find one or fabricate one, but by all means you have a new flame according to anyone that he may know. You don’t need to announce it in smoke signals, but if you are asked, smile and discreetly say that yes, you are dating someone. It may sound nuts, but it does help you gain the piece of mind. If you’re not ready to date and still missing him every second of every day, that’s fine. I understand. But HE doesn’t have to know that.

Do not cyber stalk him and do not pass by anywhere he frequents. Stop making these really “necessary” excuses to get in touch with him or ask him some pathetic question that you need to know right now. If you have to break your fingers, do not contact him in any way, avoid it at all costs. No more crying “I miss you, I’m nothing without you” crap. Back up. You are about to give this assbag the ride of his life.

If you want to know how to get your ex boyfriend back, this is how to do it but I highly suggest that you do this for the piece of mind and the confidence, power and self-worth you will receive from establishing healthy boundaries and rejecting hurtful behavior and relationships.

Be sure to look great at all times. Don’t leave the house looking like you feel. Ever, Get a new hairstyle, go buy a dress and prance all over town in that dress. I don’t care if you go to the grocery store, get out and be seen looking better and happier than you have in years. Get your butt out of that funk you’re in and remember: Anything that he can do, you can do better. Remember that. This f*cktard seems like he needs a wakeup call. How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

If he’s out sniffing for a new chick…. by all means, let him have his fill. Ignore him like he is nothing to you and it will not only translate to him that you speak with you actions and that, unlike him, you actually have boundaries and self-esteem, but it will drive his mind up a wall.

If it’s a challenge he’s after, you give him one to remember. You SHOW him that you’re not so desperate that you’ll accept how he treated you and still miss him, obsess over him and pursue him. You SHOW him that you treat yourself well and have no room for anyone that treats you any less than you treat yourself. How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

AND REMEMBER THIS: Guys want what they can’t have, it’s human nature. Recognize that it’s not you he wants, it’s the control that he wants because you’ve disarmed his power source (his ego. Deep down he’s an insecure ninny). You show him what you’re made of and introduce him to the girl that he never got a chance to meet: The one that doesn’t have time for the likes of him or ANYONE that treats her in a less-than manner.

Let the disloyal, bro hoe users drain him dry if that’s what he’s after. But, as long as he has to wonder what you’re up to and why you’re being so avoidant, his curiosity will kick in and the challenge is there. If he thinks there’s a chance of other guys hanging around his front porch, you’re going to see him do a 180 in the attitude department. How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

I just preached like an angry coach but when it comes to keeping ANYONE in your life that broke your heart, was dishonest and disrespected you, I clearly get fired up. I care about you all and If I can help one person avoid the mistakes I’ve made, then writing this was worth it.

If you want to get your ex back, I get it, but he will eventually SHOW you (especially if you take my advice and you’re not responsive to his bs), that the breakup was a good thing. And even if he cheated on you and you feel rejected, guess what? You just rejected HIM.

XOXO

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63 comments

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This had my sorority sisters and I high living each other and LOLing! So true! We love you Natasha!!!

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PREACH!!! This is so so so important. Another amazing post ❤️❤️

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I agree. Loved this! Your writing is so hilarious and so spot on

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Totally agree on all of this. But now I wonder though…what do you do when he does coming reaching back to you?
text back and draw it out only to slam that door shut on him? or……give him absolutely nothing? Would love some ideas on what to do 😉 make that mutha pay!

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I’l have a new post on that up today 🙂 XOXO

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ughhh yessssss. i just got introduced to your blog and I’m hooked. Thank you thank you thank you. <3 xo

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Okay, it’s up. Sorry I kept adding to it. Hope that helps you 🙂

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Well I knew I loved you and with good reason … But this goes above and beyond. I needed this to wake up to … Mornings are the worst, thank god for your blogs to help me through this shit ….

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I have to admit I have been doing all this ever since the last time u email me, not only you but my closest friends told me the same thing and I still didn’t listen until yesterday I had a conversation with two people I trust the most and remember what he said and did and decided that that was it. Sadly I still see him at work but I will listen and follow everyone’s advice. Finally!! ????????

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Hahah this is classic PMS: excellent advice with a good side order of sarcasm. Love it!

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🙂 xxxx

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Hi Natasha! You’re awesome! My boyfriend broke up with me, and I’m feeling terrible… my question is, my bf was not a narcissist.. I made mistakes and I started to pushing him because he lived with his mother, he is 39… and I’m 31 and I didn’t felt his priority, we had plans to get married, I’m applying no contact since he broke up with me, I didn’t begged him and I was calm, that was almost a month ago and he hasn’t reach me…. do you think that this works for a man who is not a narcissist? He is not a bad guy.
Sorry for my English…

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What if you called him out on his cheating and told the other woman (just out of her teens and a real piece of work who lives on another continent) ?

I know, I know-I shouldn’t want him back. I haven’t contacted him in a month (since our big fight). Every time before when we would fight he would come back weeks later.

Don’t date musicians, girls.

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Hi Parker,

If you want someone back that has done that to you, you need to work on your boundaries and self esteem. I’ve totally been there and I know how you feel. I know it’s hard; you’re not alone. What’s done is done but now it’s time to have your own back, speak with your actions and take care of YOU. You deserve so much more and I know you know it 🙂 xoxoxo

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I had been with my guy for about 4 years and got close to his family. During no contact, am I allowed to reach out to his parents on holidays and birthdays? I still care about them but I don’t know if that’s crossing a no contact boundary..

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I would definitely not reach out to anyone associated with him, even family. If they care about you, they will understand and respect you for it <3 There's nothing wrong with taking this time to take care for yourself, heal and deal. Read this if your haven't already: https://postmalesyndrome.com/10-ways-to-overcome-guilt-for-setting-boundaries/

Thx Ally! xx

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I was with my ex for a while and had gotten close to his family. Does no contact include excluding wishing his family members well for their birthdays and holidays?

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Omg ! Thank you so much for your articles, this is what I always needed and I still need. Thank you !

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🙂 xo

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You are so amazing and spot on and absolutely gorgeous! Excellent article!! Want to brief you with my situation. Dated a guy 5 yrs ago went on 6 dates and we connected well but I never had sex with him. He made all the effort but he’s a business guy and I was a student And he ended things since I was demNding for his time. We got back a year after and same situation. Now I’m a working surgeon grown woman. After 5 years he sends me a text on this year Valentine’s. I just got out of a relationship then. We decided to meet and it was my bday that week. He bought me a Chanel bag and took me more shopping. Had dinner at my favourite French place. Stayed in a suite. We had sex for the first time ever. Was nice and intimate. Since then he texts me everyday 3 times a day and made plans to meet me again in 2 weeks. I live 4 hrs away so he came to see me last weekend. I arranged a lovely suite on the beach and we went out for lunch played golf. He texted me saying he appreciated the effort I made and had a good time. After that he’s been distant. Not as much flirting. Btw he has a 2 yr old son he’s busy with. Single dad and has a nanny over the week. Weekends he’s full time dad. Anyways i texted him yesterday we flirted a bit. Made little small talk and he was busy traveling. Asked him he’s been bit mellow and is everything ok with work? He said all good thanks. He did say he hAs a lot of work to be done before his trip next week…No more good morning msgs or night msgs. He’s making a trip to Dubai next week with his son so surely won’t hear from him for a week. But the day before he was leaving I sent a text saying hey just wanted to know as we are adults and be honest with each other. If I’m going to invest on time and according to your busy schedule and being a single dad and if I’m going to wait for you to come back from the trip, do you want to be exclusive and date or date casually as sex buddies? So he answered saying Hey, firstly i’m sorry if my yummy mummy comments upset you – they were never intended that way.

I’ve also been thinking this week & I think it’s impossible for me right now to have any sort of relationship that’s fair to you.

I have My son, a business, a house to run . . . .

I think you deserve more than me just ‘fitting you in’.

I’m so pleased to have met the new V because you’re truly different to the old one – & someone who I now respect a lot.

As for a relationship, I think it’s best to leave things be whilst we are still on good terms.

Wish you the best of luck & success in what you do next

😘😘

He ended things.. This is a guy who comes back to me and has my number for 5 years. And we were so intimate and shared our past. He said didn’t want to play games this time. He came 4 hrs back and forth to spend time with me. Pursues me. Why? What does he want? Why travel in total 8 hrs to come have sex with me? He like a egotistical narcissistic unemotional prick. Please advice.. Btw I never responded to his message. I left things.

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Natasha, I love your blog! I’m so glad I’ve stumbled upon it. I really enjoy your no sugarcoat straight to the point style of writing. Your articles on boundaries have helped me so much! I’ll be sure to share with my girlfriends when they are going through a rough patch.

Just one question for you. I have the routine you’ve explained above down to a science. But the thing I struggle with is what do I do when he reaches out…because they always do. Do I ignore his messages temporarily? Until he apologizes? Forever? Do I respond politely but indifferently? Just when I want to?

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Thanks Adrienne 🙂 I’m so glad that it has helped and thank you for sharing with your girlfriends!! It depends on the type of guy that you’re ex is. If he’s emotionally unavailable, I would not respond at all until you see a change through his ACTIONS because remember, talk is cheap. XOXO

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Love this! I read your blog like it’s a bible for overcoming the bad break ups. I’m so addicted and I like that it’s enabling me to transfer my addiction from my ex. Just today, an old co worker of mine, we use to flirt a lot back in my previous job had called me not too long ago. I’m wondering if I should respond to his calls and texts. I have been avoiding him for the longest because well, I already know it will only be based on sex. Not sure if I want to indulge in that as I am still very vulnerable since the unofficial break up with my ex. However, I do want to show my ex if I could that I’m no longer crazy and doesn’t need them. So I might want to give this old flame a try. Maybe just casually date. Idfk. Lol. All I know is that I want my ex to see me happy!!!!! So far no contact for about to be a month. But my ex will not know if I’m happy or not being that I’m not on social media like that and plus they unfollowed me and we don’t have mutual friends. So how would my ex know if I’m happy without an “us”? The only glue is my access to their Netflix account which I have been using and now I’m realizing I shouldn’t even use that! My ex will probably view my activity and sees that I have not let go and still need them..even for stupid Netflix. So no more Netflix. I might want to delete the profile that my ex set up for me, but deleting it might give a reaction. Idk what to do.

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Omg I’ve been doing everything the wrong way. I moved out of m bf’s after we got in big argument cause I got home from work late. When I was actually at my therapist office asking for advice how to communicate better with my ex. Long story short, he got mad cause I deleted text messages that day. Ever since moving out he has “trust issue” so it’s been up and down. This is the longest we’ve gone without communicating or hanging out. I feel like he feels he has me so secure. I also have the messages he got so mad that i deleted i tried to show them to him but he won’t see them, I think he knows he over reacted and doesn’t want to see he was wrong. Sometimes i feel like just sending him the messages.. should i?

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I am going through a hard time with a very you g boyfriend. 9 years younger. And i have been crying and texting him and the last i did was called him. He said he was busy playing game and hung up on me when i ask if he still wants us.

I so wanna do this nc thing but when i do say 2 days, he will text me little questions like “do you remember where i put my …” And i have never never ignored him at all. Yes he has signs of a narcissist. And he comes from a broken family. We worked at the same place and thats hard for me. You know people would talk and all. I have been laughed at for being the provider. From money to time to chauffeuring him. And that hurts because i did all that in the name of love. But he didn’t appreciate me. In fact he treats me like kids treating a mom. No calls the whole day, busy with everyone. Only finds me when he needs something. He cheats on me too.

Will he realized that when i cut him off? I know i sound very stupid now but i don’t wish to lose him.

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Natasha, first of all i just want to thank
you for being an absolute life saver recently for me. Your posts are helping me get through every single day. I was just wondering if you had any opinion or any insight into what potentially could have caused my current situation.

My ex had consistently chased me for 6 years throughout the whole of school and after, we were always really close friends and i was always too afraid to progress further incase that friendship got ruined. Even in his one other long term relationship he admitted to still always wanting to be with me and even throughout the good times with his ex he still imagined doing those things with me instead. Then after going through a hard time with a previous ex myself and having him support me we began to get close again and eventually ended up starting a relationship. And while at first i was slightly unsure about it, it quickly became clear it was the best decision i’d ever made, he was so madly in love with me and for the first time i felt so confident that someone felt like the luckiest person alive to be with me. He absolutely adored me and treated me like a queen. 2 and a half years later, and only just coming back off a wonderful week long holiday together with his family.. out of the blue, it’s over. Seeming in a bit of a bad mood one day i asked him if he was okay or if i’d done something and got the ‘we need to talk’ text. My stomach immediately dropped and i felt sick, but didn’t want to jump to conclusions and assume the worst. He came over that evening and told me he thought things had changed and that for weeks he’d had this feeling of that ‘sometimes’ he just wants to be my friend. Sometimes?! Even though that morning he’d commented on how it was our anniversary and 2 days previously we had even been on a date night where he’d complained because i had red lipstick on meaning he couldn’t kiss me and asked me to sit next to him in the bar instead of opposite him so he could put his arm around me, not really ‘i just want to be your friend behaviour’ right?

I’m just so confused because there was absolutely no sign that anything had changed. If anything i thought we seemed happier than ever. He text me a few times after the relationship ended 3 weeks ago but since our last conversation there has been zero contact for about 13 days now. And i don’t know how to deal with what’s happened so suddenly or to even try make sense of it. How can we have such a huge history and such a loving relationship then him just seem so cold and be able to cut me off so easy? No body that knows him or us as a couple can believe it. Any advice or thoughts would be hugely appreciated and how should i go about trying to reconcile with him. Thank you xxx

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How long does it take for him to contact you. Me and my Ex of four ex broke up three weeks ago bc of constant fighting even though we both admitted we still loved each other and one week after the fight he starts hanging out and dating this troll. i contacted once to be a psycho path and then after I apologized and I told him I was happy for him and I hope he gets to be happy.
If I follow no contact and everything you just said after that, how long till I see him begging for mercy?

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Four years ***

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Reading your blog makes me feel so much stronger to survive each day and to heal after being in a emotionally hot-and-cold relationship with a person (who was clearly a narcissist!) and has hurt me so much. Love this, your words have truly healed a traumatic year xx

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Thanks JD! You’re not alone. You are part of a tribe here and are loved, supported and believed in 🙂 xx

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Recently found your blog after going through some weird “fwb to dating to him getting himself a gf” kinda situation for over a year now. Even tho I loved him I now realize I love myself more and I won’t put myself in this situation again. Thank you for putting things in a different perspective for me. It’s helped me out greatly and I’ve been more focused on myself now. Thank you!

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You go girl. Proud of you! Thanks sister xoxo

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Broke up with my ex after 6 years, he was manipulative, a liar and a cheat. As soon as we split up he started dating another girl. I asked him about it and he denied it. Anyway, it’s been 7 weeks now and he has been in constant contact with me. Last week it all come out that he was dating that girl all along. He admitted it all to me and told me he wanted me back, I foolishly told him that we could sort things out. He then decided he didn’t want me back and has now run back to that girl. It’s been a week since this happened and I haven’t heard off him since. I know I should not want a person like that back in my life. But I just want him to regret what he’s done and come begging for me back. Will he be sorry? And Is this girl just a rebound or does he really like her? I can’t stop obsessing over him. Every minute of the day he’s on my mind and I constantly stalk him and her on social media.

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Hi Katie:
Your story is very similar to mine. He was dating another girl but i didnt know it. He came back to me several times but didnt want to work things out so i blocked him from social media. that was three months ago. He has been dating that girl for several months even when when he was trying to convince me that he still loved me and missed me but because of my shortcomings he couldnt be with me. Now they are a couple and he hasnt tried to reach out. i changed my number though.

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What if he changed his number but you’ve totally stayed away and haven’t emailed him since June but are good friends with his sister who really likes you and is currently barely speaking to him due to mistakes he made with her ..(which by the way he hates that I’m friends with her and wanted me to cut her off )- Something I refuse to cut her off bc she’s genuinely my friend and I care about her and she’s been good to me in the mix of this nightmare )
I’ve managed to stay off his radar for my own sanity but sometimes wonder if we will ever speak again /

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Natasha!!!
Your posts give me life. (yes, I have been binge reading your posts)

Don’t stop what you’re doing. You are a blessing!

xoxo

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Thanks sister! 🙂 I promise to keep going XOXO

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Thank you Natasha, really appreciate all of your posts.

Any advice on what to do when they do get in contact? I haven’t spoken to my ex in months, but he recently got in touch to say that he wants to be a part of my life again (whatever the heck that means). I want him back, but I’m fairly certain he is only looking for friendship.

Would love a post about this subject xoxo

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Will write a post about this soon! Thank you so much 🙂 xo

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hi natasha! i’m glad i found this blog! i just broke up with my ex last night, he decided to leave me bc i often threatened him if he messed up n hurt me. he said a lot of bad things about me last night and i threatened him back and we agreed to made a silly and stupid agreement, that he will do EVERYTHING that i ask from him till the end of this year then i promised i’m the one who will dumb him and he agreed with that (because i threatened him of course). and if he mess up he will add 1 more month for me to stay with him. i feel confused now, i want to get back with him bc to be honest i was the one who always overreacted but at the same time i don’t think he wants me anymore, he really hates me. what should i do?? i decided not to contact him for the next few weeks but seriously i have no idea what should i do next.. ps: we are in a long distance relationship and before we broke up, he still listened to me when i told him to get home early from his friend’s place. he hates me but at the same time he always do what i say to him even if i didn’t threaten him. also his friends told him to leave me. please help me i need some advices from you! thanks a lot natasha!! xoxo

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Hi!

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this; I know how you feel. I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I can no longer give specific advice in the comments. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

Here is the link to the coaching: https://postmalesyndrome.com/coaching/

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I begged and pleaded with my ex to not let me go the day he broke up with me. Even told him I couldn’t live without him. W-T-F!!!!!! But when I finally got in my car to leave (for the second time), I was in shock (disgust, humiliated, sick…) that I could have done that. To give you perspective on why I was in shock: during the breakup he said, and I quote, “It was your actions that led us to this.” “YOU ARE HERE TO HELP ME! AND I HAVE TWO KIDS!” (Adult kids mind you. This was responding to the fact that I stopped being their f-ING maid). “You don’t even take very good care of your dogs.” All of these things were said with the, all too familiar, condescending, disgusted, nasty look on his face, twisting words and making everything my fault. Oh, there were a lot more comments like that during our breakup (and consistent throughout our relationship) but those have stayed with me the most.

I still obsess (2 months) about the relationship. I miss being a part of a family, I miss having dinner with him, the sex was mindblowing, sleeping next to him, the lazy weekends and the busy doing things together weekends, waiting for him to come home from work, I miss “our” home, his daughters, his family, Sunday afternoon cookouts at his moms…. I still have the most horrible days when I believe it was all my fault and I was just not good enough and will never be good enough for anyone. I let him do that to me. And yes, I sometimes want that back, him back… Yet, somehow I know that, eventually I will be ok, better than ever. Wish it would get here faster!

I work on myself everyday (some days I fail). Trying to extract my self-esteem, self-respect and dignity from what seems like the other side of the universe. I go to therapy every week. I stay in most nights, I’M starting to get out more. But most importantly, I DO NOT AND WILL NOT contact him in anyway shape or form. He doesn’t deserve contact from me.

I don’t know why we let people rob us of ourselves (or why someone would want to) and it totally escapes my mind why we would even miss people like that for even 1 second. But I am determined to find out why I do and fix it.

That was my rant…lol. I needed to get that off my chest tonight. And to all of you faced with heartbreak; stay strong, know that you are loved and you are AWESOME just as you are!

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Thank you SO much for sharing LMC! You’re doing the right thing by having your own back and taking care of yourself. You are loved, believed in, supported and never alone XOXO

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Commenting here instead of texting/calling my ex. All I wanted was to talk to him like “normal” but I know better. It’s been one of those days where reaching for the phone seems like a quick fix!

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Good job Willow! Proud of you sister xoxo

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Hi Natasha , amazing blog!
Here’s my story, I would love to hear your insight and advice. I was with my bf , he’s 23, I’m 19, for a few months and I fell in love for the first time. After all the guys I’ve dated I’ve never ever felt this way with someone and the feelings were mutual, he told me loved me, wanted to marry me and have a family with me one day, he too said he has never felt this way before with anyone . It was genuine and loving and I saw a future with this guy which I’ve never seen with anyone and he the same. We spent a lot of time together, got to know each other, but he was insecure at times, worried about other guys which he didn’t have to do. At moments he pulled away, which I know guys do sometime, but the problem for me was they he would blow me off for his friends when we had plans, he just wouldn’t think and was in the moment. I told him on several occasions, it wasn’t cool, we’re together and you just can’t ditch me, he’d apologize, say he was wrong, etc. tbh, I felt like he was testing me, to see how much I’d put up with, but after speaking with him several times, he did it again. So after a week of him trying to see me, ( I put him off) I broke up with him, on the phone, I know I shouldn’t have done it that way, it was impulsive and stupid, but I was fed up. I felt like he was taking me for granted and I wasn’t going to put up with it. I have it together, I’m going to school full time, working full time, im smart, fun, good looking & athletic, I’m not trying to be arrogant and sound full of myself, it’s not my intent, but I’m secure and confident and I know my worth. In hind sight, I should’ve talked to him in person, I was wrong to do it that way. I’m not going to lie, it’s been hard, I do care about him and miss him but we had no contact for 4 weeks, until I saw him at work one day, I was surprised to see him as we wouldn’t normally run into each other. He came right up to me and hugged me, he was so warm affectionate, I couldn’t believe it, he wouldn’t leave my side, hugged me from behind, any excuse to touch me or talk to me. We did talk for a bit, he apologized again to me for treating me the way he did, and was def remorseful. I apologized too for breaking up with him the way I did, and said I was wrong to do that to you. And that I didn’t break up because I didn’t love him or have feelings for him but because I felt he didn’t respect my time or value me. He also asked me if I was dating and was bold enough to asked if I hooked up with anyone,(which I have not) he was annoyed thinking about it. I told him I did not, and that I cared about him. I prob made a mistake saying that, even if it was true, it gave him peace of mind I def don’t have. I am asked out and dating but didn’t tell him, another mistake . He said he wanted to get together and talk more, but couldn’t after work because he had a meeting.that evening. So we went our separate ways. I texted him a few days later saying it was good to see him and let’s get together soon, we texted back and forth a bit, but never went anywhere . So that’s a little over 2 weeks ago, and I have not texted him, not looked at social media, nothing, fell off the earth. I felt he was avoiding me or not sure, I just don’t know. I felt he still cares about me based on when I saw him, but he’s not tried to see me. I heard he’s dating someone too. As much as it hurts and I still care about him, I care about myself more and won’t put up with not being treated right. In the mean time, I’m living my life, focusing on myself, school, work, friends & family. I’m also continuing to date. I would love your help and opinion on what to do, I would love to work things out but we are at a stand still. Thank you 🙂

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Hi Courtney!

I wish that I could advise, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

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Love this blog. I’ve been broken up with my ex for 2 years and he really is who I’ve loved this whole time and not sure why we ever broke up. After all this time, I heard from him on Christmas Eve and we got together. It was a start but of course we aren’t together but I’m glad we’re talking. Things can only go up from here, right especially since we to no communication at all?

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Hey Natasha!
My boyfriend broke up with me last week and pretty much out of no where. I’m pretty devastated and having a hard time accepting it. I kinda went bat sh!t crazy texting him 2 days after we broke up. The day after, he would respond and such. The 2nd day he didn’t respond at all and I kinda went crazy, but I don’t think i went over the edge or the limit. 3rd day I didn’t not bother to text him nor attempting in the future. Do you think the 2 days I attempt to contact him will make me like a crazy ex gf? Yesterday, I saw he unfollow me on snapchat, but still have me on FB and IG. Hope you can reply back!

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Hi Sandy!

I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I also do not know all of the details. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

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First thank you so much for this website!!! I found it the other day and it has already helped so much with helping me feel empowered again and work on my own self-care. I love the way you describe everything, even though I am still having a hard time, your posts bring me back to reality and help me to focus on myself and know I deserve better. So the short story is I was friends with my ex for over a year at the same undergrad and we went on a service trip together. We started dating during the summer and it was long distance for about 6 months. All of my friends and I agreed that he was such a respectful, kind, and all around great guy. I thought things were going well, he would tell me how much he cared about me and how he was lucky and glad he met me. I was supposed to go to his friends NYE wedding with him. Two days before the wedding he called and said the military is more important to him, he can’t do long distance, and he hasn’t liked me for the past month and a half even when he came to my family’s house. I was heartbroken and it felt unreal because of all the plans he’d been making and things he’d been saying to me. I didn’t think he was the kind of guy who could lie to me. My friends are saying he could just be confused and nervous about having to start different schooling with the military. It feels like he didn’t even try to fix things and give it a chance. I hate how much he hurt me but I do still love and care about him. It hurts because it has only been 2 weeks and on Monday he sent me a song title (because he used to send me a song of the week) but nothing else. Then the other night he sent me a message on Snapchat but I’m trying really hard not to open it since he would see that I did. I am doing no contact and reading your article has helped convince me that I need to do it for myself and focus on myself not to get him back. I deserve a guy that truly loves me and will chase after me even if times get tough. Thank you for helping me realize this!

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YES! Thanks so much for sharing Cat. I’m honored to have played a part in this realization and in your healing. You are not alone. All my love to you sister. XOXO

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I am still so heartbroken after 4 months since our break up. We spoken last week, mostly always me initiating contact. I’ve decided to stop now.
I would like to know if no contact works on older (late 40’s) divorced men who are lacking in emotion?

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No contact does not discriminate against age or gender. xoxo

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Great article with damn good advice. What I am confused about and the article doesn’t really state is the following:
What happens if you are not contacting the ex and you are “trying” to move on and then he texts you.
Do you ignore or do you respond? If you ignore how long are you suppose to?

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Thanks Elizabeth! 🙂 It depends on the relationship that you had and other details that were not delineated. I will try to write a post on this subject soon! Thank you! xoxo

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So, my ex boyfriend had a friend who killed himself just about 3 weeks ago. It hit my boyfriend really hard and he started to change. He got quieter and quieter and soon wasn’t even the person I had been dating for a year. I finally asked him if he even wanted to be with me, and he replied “Its not that I don’t want to be with you, I just feel empty”. He ended the relationship saying he needs to figure out how to fix himself and fill the hole he has inside him, but he wants to do that alone. I really do not know what to do at this point. He messaged me twice. Once was asking how I was doing, and the other was him telling me I was welcome to see the cats if i ever wanted to (we owned cats together) so I guess I want to know if this advise you have given in this article is going to work. Because I honestly think he is really confused and doesn’t know what he feels. I would appreciate any advise!

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Hi Breanna!

I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. I do offer coaching if you’re looking for specific help.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog.

You’re not alone XOXO

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My god, you have described men to a ‘t’! Any man that’s rotunda having had a lot of ego & the truth is they are pussycsts underneath! Thankyou for this – it’s saved my heart as it’s reminded me of everything I already know but sealed it, no empathy and heart break after being left with our tiny baby after being very in love or atleast I thought we were! Apparently he wants to ‘be free’ and not be ‘ tied down’! Says he doesn’t love me, never did but tried! I’m a fairly ok attractive woman (just so you don’t think he pulled out bcs I have one leg or something) so much so that he begged me to get a tattoo of his initials as he loved me so much! but I pulled out. How does that work then????am mans madly in love with you, sees you vulnerable and kegs it! Nice 😊

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Legs it (sorry). I need To be best fiends with you to advise me in life 😊 Good luck ladies it’s hard out there as we’re doing it alone and continuing the human race while we’re at it. My only advice is keep your cards close to your chest and always be the one who he’s living for not like me as I seem to pick the big egos & their ego rules their life! Once your vulnerable your finished!
Much love and good luck I’ll neee it but I’m stronger and better off without a man who’s got no character, decency or responsibility
(Not hurt at all) :)) take care xxx

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All my love to you Jayne. You’ve got a soul sister in me 🙂 Thanks for the love, sisterhood and support. xxxxx

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We broke up a month ago and we aren’t in contact for almost 3 weeks.. I unfollowed him on Instagram a few days ago..
Do you think I can start posting photos of myself? I still want him back.. I first broke up with him regret it and now he is over it. We had lots of fights during the end..
I still think a lot about how he would react or what he’d think if I post a photo.. what do you think?

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Hi Melanie!

I wish that I could advise and answer your questions, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice/answers in the comments.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog.

I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested.

All my love to you soul sister.

You’re not alone XOXO

(the coaching form needs to be filled out first and then I will get back to you with the details).

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