How to get your ex boyfriend back. I know, I never thought that I would write about this either, but it’s something I have both struggled with and wanted in the past. If you’ve been following my work, you know I’m not a big fan of using your precious brainpower, energy, and time (that you will never get back) in an effort to try to get someone back into your life who consistently treated you poorly.
I get it though. You miss him and the way he made you feel. You miss the way that you felt and the person you were when you were with him and the relationship was good. You made excuses for everything he did that was wrong, disrespectful, and hurtful because you feel like it was you that provoked it and made him act out. You just want him back, no matter what.
I’m sharing this with you because a lot of you have emailed asking me how to get your ex boyfriend back.
Also – I’m telling you this because it does work.
BUT… I’m sharing it with the knowingness (I KNOW because you guys are all so strong and so badass) that, by the time he does come throwing his crumbs your way again, you will be empowered, healed, self-assured, and strong enough to recognize the crumbs for what they are and at that point, will be indifferent and moved on.
So, how to get your ex boyfriend back? Let’s get to it…
Your first problem is that through your internal, OCD, one-track, incessant hamster wheel thoughts (and it doesn’t matter if no one knows what you’re thinking. Your thoughts will always seep out into your actions) and through your actions, you are essentially begging for him back. You have to take a step back, take a breath and vow to put an end to the crazy, an END to the insanity. No one likes crazy. It looks pathetic, desperate, and awful on anyone that tries it on. Begging for him back is the worst approach possible. Men, no matter what they may claim, are very territorial. Men want what they can’t have. He may scream from the rooftops that he doesn’t want you and never wants to see you again. He may really think that he doesn’t want you but I can assure you, he won’t sleep well at night wondering why it is that suddenly you appear to not give a flying F*CK and why it is you’ve gone from receptive and desperate to indifferent and moved on.
All of the crying, social media stalking, begging, analyzing, and bargaining will get you nowhere and the pity and empathy that you are after will never happen. It turns men off, way off to know that you have such little confidence and such a minuscule life that you’re obsessed with their every move and obsessed with losing them. Men want to feel wanted, not psychotically needed. Beating yourself up is not going to help you either. Are you listening? Either make the mistakes that I’ve made in the past or wake the hell up and give this him a run for his money.
If you don’t follow what I say, you will act out of desperation and will ultimately, humiliate yourself and further decimate any shred of self-esteem you have left. I’m being blunt because there is no time for sugar-coating. Do you want to know how to get your ex boyfriend back now? Follow what I’m saying and he won’t know what hit him.
And if he never comes back? What do you REALLY have to lose? An idiot to stalk? At least you’ll stop feeling like an obsessive clown that’s allowing him to weaken the power and strength that you have if you choose to have it.
How to get your ex boyfriend back…
- Do not call him. Don’t text him, don’t “like” his photos, don’t call him from a blocked number and hang up, don’t drive by his house. DON’T DO ANYTHING. He doesn’t deserve to know that you have a heartbeat.
- I know it’s hard, but do not act jealous.
- Do not let him or any of his friends see you cry.
Simply appear that you do not give a flying f*ck.
- Go out. I don’t care if it takes all of the strength that you have to get out of that onesie of yours, put the Netflix and the Nutella and the phone away, take a f-ing baby wipe shower if you’re too depressed to shower (yes, I’ve been there) and drag your baby-wiped butt out into the fresh air, get out and BREATHE.
If he hears through the grapevine that you are out, enjoying yourself and NOT pinning and obsessing over him anymore, he will bust his balls trying to figure out what it is that you’re suddenly up to and what’s “distracting” you from obsessing over him.
And that’s just basic logic, human nature of men being territorial, and exactly how to get your ex boyfriend back. Right now, he knows that he has you under his thumb. In his mind, you are too hung up on him and too broken over the breakup to have a life of your own. He views this as a desperate and pathetic weakness. Oh HELL no. Back up. We can’t have that.
Stop all of this “I need you,” “I’ll love you till the day I die,” “We’re soulmates” crap. To him, that’s just unnecessary “drama” and it turns him off because this guy lacks empathy. I’m telling you that you absolutely must make him believe that you are completely over him. Care-free and happy-go-lucky.
Pick ONE friend that you trust or better yet, stop yapping to your friends. Comment on here. You never know which “friend” will go tell the wrong friend of his that you’re struggling. No dramatic, long, drawn-out depression and good-byes. Let him wonder what in the hell you are avoiding him for.
Either allow your emotions to turn you into a psycho that he was glad he got away from, or sew him a new butt hole by being the unapologetically graceful, happy, confident girl that you absolutely have to appear to be.
He can make you feel like a fool or you can have peace of mind.
And I don’t care who he starts hanging out with. Do not for any reason whatsoever appear to be jealous, hateful or spiteful. Any girl he turns to is a non-entity in your life. Do not deliberately run into him, but if you happen to see him, be cool. Be sweet as pie and busy enough to cut the conversation as soon as possible.
Avoid him like the plague and it will get to him soon enough.
The reason most girls don’t do this is that they are scared of being “mean” or “immature.” But when did having healthy boundaries ever become synonymous with being mean or immature? What’s “mean” about speaking through dignified actions that you don’t have the time for anyone who is unappreciative of yours?
You’re not being immature at all. And any ex that labels you as such for cutting him off? That just means you got to him.
In the next few weeks, you need to have a new man interested in you. Find one or fabricate one, but by all means, you have a new flame according to anyone that he may know. You don’t need to announce it in smoke signals, but if you are asked, smile and discreetly say that yes, you are dating someone. It may sound nuts, but it does help you gain peace of mind. If you’re not ready to date and still missing him every second of every day, that’s fine. I understand. But HE doesn’t have to know that.
Do not pass by anywhere he frequents. Stop making excuses to get in touch with him or ask him some pathetic question that you need to know right now. Do not contact him in any way. Avoid it at all costs. No more crying “I miss you, I’m nothing without you” crap. You are about to give this guy the ride of his life.
Be sure to look great at all times. Don’t leave the house looking like you feel, ever. Get a new hairstyle, go buy a dress and prance all over town in that dress. I don’t care if you go to the grocery store, get out and be seen looking better and happier than you have in years. Get your butt out of that funk you’re in and remember… anything that he can do, you can do better. Remember that. This guy seems like he needs a wakeup call.
If he’s out sniffing for a new flame…. by all means, let him have his fill. Ignore him like he is nothing to you and it will not only translate to him that you are confident and that, unlike him, you actually have standards, but it will drive his mind up a wall.
If it’s a challenge he’s after, you give him one to remember. Show him that you’re not that desperate. Show him that you will never accept how he treated you and still miss him, obsess over him, and pursue him. SHOW him that you treat yourself well and have no room for anyone who treats you any less than you treat yourself.
And remember this…
When it comes to knowing how to get your ex boyfriend back… men want what they can’t have. It’s human nature. Recognize that it’s not you that he wants – it’s the regained access and control he is after because you’ve disempowered his power source (his ego). You show him what you’re made of and introduce him to the girl that he never got a chance to meet.
Let the disloyal, bro-hoe users drain him dry if that’s what he’s after. But, as long as he has to wonder what you’re up to and why you’re being so avoidant… his curiosity will kick in and the challenge is there. If he thinks there’s a chance of other guys hanging around, you’re going to see him do a 180 in the attitude department.
If you want to get your ex back, I get it, but he will eventually SHOW you (especially if you take my advice and you’re not responsive to his bs), that the breakup was a bullet dodged. And even if he cheated on you and you feel rejected, guess what? You just rejected HIM.
+ If you need further and more personalized help with your breakup, please look into working with me here.