You’ve just experienced the mind F-ing, kill-me-now-what’s-the-point-of-carrying-on-can’t-stop-thinking-about-him, execution style, emotional murder, loneliness, insecurity, incessant second-guessing of everything that you ever did and death of the prince that was once by your side… BREAKUP.

You wake up every morning feeling like you’re choking. You need to stalk his Instagram like you need air. You can’t get off the hamster wheel of obsessing, reminiscing, crying, depression, analyzing, stalking and back again. You hate being on the hamster wheel but you don’t want to get off because you’ve become accustomed to being in pain, it’s familiar to you. You’re more comfortable being depressed and getting a PhD in the reasons why he did everything he ever did than you are making a decision, committing to it and moving on.

Also, the last little connection that you have to him are the thoughts and the memories and if you commit to moving on and not obsessing, then that REALLY means that it’s over and you’re just too fragile to deal with all that. It’s too heavy. I get it. I’ve been there x 187637 and I’ve done things that are so embarrassing, so humiliating, so desperate that I cringe when I think of my younger, validation-seeking self. I’ve put my mind, health and body under unthinkable damage all under the umbrella of “needing to do this” and it being totally justified because I was under the breakup umbrella.

The thing you want to know like, yesterday? How to get him to regret losing you. You want him, just for one f-ing minute, to think and feel what you’ve been thinking and feeling 24/7. You want him to be the emotionally available, responsible guy that gets it, that sees the error of his ways, that sees what he put you through and can’t believe that you loved him, believed in and stood by him, in spite of him treating you like garbage all along.

Even though you shouldn’t give a crap whether someone that disrespected and hurt you, regrets losing you, it doesn’t matter. That’s what you want and I get it. Guess what? If you didn’t want that, even at some point just for a short period of time, you wouldn’t have blood running through your veins. We’re human, we have emotions, we’re all insecure, we’re all damaged and we are ALL fallible.

Is there really a way for someone to regret losing you? In my experience, yes. So here we go: How to get him to regret losing you,…

First, you need to realize that when you’re dealing with an ex that’s emotionally unavailable, he will never have that “I get it” moment that you so want him to have. He’ll never realize your worth because he can’t realize his own. People that truly know their worth don’t have to cut down other people, let alone the people who they’re supposed to be committed to and love. No matter how highly you believe he thinks of himself, he’s an all-about-me-it’s-my-world-and-you’re-all-just-inhabitants, narcissist that appears to have the confidence of George Clooney. The thing about narcissists though, is that they’re actually the most insecure of the f*cktard species. Emotionally unavailable, narcissistic guys cannot and will not ever be able to empathize with anyone. 

THE ONLY WAY TO GET TO AN EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE NARCISSIST IS THROUGH THEIR EGO.

 You want to know how to get him to regret losing you? cut.him.off.

Let him see how life is without you. Let him wonder what in the hell you’re avoiding him for. Let him miss out on the light that you are. I know you don’t feel like “missing out on you,” is that big of a deal and that you’ve made enough mistakes in the relationship for him to want to move on immediately and forget you, but guess what? You haven’t. Cutting him off and speaking through your actions is the murderer of the ego.

And the ego is the oxygen and the currency with which these guys run on.

As hard as it is to cut someone off that you want to speak to and hop back in bed with, you have to. .

Think about this: If this guy was able to behave with an ounce of integrity, dignity, respect, honesty and loyalty, you wouldn’t be reading this right now. So, WHY do you think cyberstalking him, crying, begging, and explaining to him how much he hurt you is going to do anything? The cat is always going to meow, it’s never going to bark.

You must speak with your actions.

When you speak with your actions 2 amazing things happen:

  • You translate to the world that you are a dynamic character in your own life story.
  • By taking action (even if you have to ‘fake it till’ you make it’ and are a depressed mess at first), you will inevitably end up more confident and start building your self-esteem and self-worth back because by having boundaries and being kindly (not brutally) honest with yourself and others, you will begin to see the benefits of your commitment to yourself because you will empower yourself through the decisions that you make which contribute to your well being first.

Stay on the white horse and be the one that got away instead of the ex gf Instagram-stalking psychopath that needs a guy to validate her.

That’s NOT you.

Yes, cutting a guy like this off will get him thinking. Yes, It will make him think of the ‘good times,’ and yes, he will start to rethink his decisions (because you cut him off and are not giving him any reason to label you as anything needy or negative). He will begin to miss the you that was all too willing to do any and everything for him.

Reintroduce him to who you ARE: The girl who speaks with her actions, the girl who won’t involve herself with anyone that treats her any less than she treats herself and contrary to popular belief, the girl who HAS a backbone, boundaries and limits.

Yes, this will get him thinking, rethinking, regretting and possibly reaching out but… guess what?

When you speak through your actions that you don’t give a rat’s ass and that you’re done, you make him feel out of control. He will most likely panic because these guys are all about being in the driver’s seat. Because he’s feeling a loss of control, he will reach out. NOT because he’s missing you in the way that you want and need him to. He just wants control back. Remember, you’ve taken away his currency and his oxygen.

If you stick to your guns and continue to not engage on any level, regret will kick in. Regret that the girl who put of with all of his crap, is long gone.

And THAT girl doesn’t have time for the bs any longer.

X

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148 comments

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This is SO TRUE. I just need to cut him off and stay on my white horse. I need to read this post every week and commit to it ??

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You and me both!

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This really opened my eyes. It’s so hard to commit to, I am going to print this one out and whenever I feel weak, I’m going to read it or comment on here. Thank you so much Natasha! You are a savior

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Speechless yet again! Amen sista 🙂

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Praise the lord. That article explained what I’ve been through/ did the last 8 months, down to the last paragraph. Just living my happy life now.

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You go girl!! So proud of and happy for you that amid the pain and bs you found your peace and happiness. Thanks for making my night! 🙂 XOXO

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Hi ..I am really trying very hard to get over him..but I don’t know why am I stuck ? I hate and love him at the same time ..I don’t know where to go ..it’s been a month and I ruined everything chance I got ..I’m so hurt and it was all because of me cause I am not nice.

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I woke up so sad and empty and u lifted me while I sit at my work desk praying to God to remove the knot in my stomach thank u

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Sending you love Steph xoxo

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The knot in your stomach may be from fear. I’ve had knots all my life, it’s only recently I’ve discovered I have abandonment issues and feel that I am nothing without a man (needing validation). Lisa A Romano has some helpful YouTube videos.
Good luck

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Anothee great blog. You’re just great

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You are! Thank you so much beautiful XOXO

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Omg. This is amazing. Fake it till you make it.. I’ve been doing that my past couple break ups, and it helps. Cutting off is so hard, but the more friends and things you do to fill the void, the better, and the more you fake it, that faster I happens. You’ve helped me with this immensely ???

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this is just too awesome woow thanks…m going thru a break ryt now and its a painful experience, waking up everyday wit the same feeling of depression! buh this blog just gave me light!!! thank u soo much i know its gonna take time buh i have a feeling i’ll be okay

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🙂 taking it one step at a time, do u mind if i email u like i need some1 to talk too 🙁 🙁

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This is a great blog post. I’m having a really tough time with someone who fits this profile. He’s someone who is my superior at work. He’s smart, handsome, and charming. He took an interest in me, guided me, became almost like my mentor. Then he started to cross the line a little. I’m young and not very experienced and didn’t really know what to do so I just ignored it or tried to just think of it as harmless. I also need this job and I didn’t want him to jeopardize it if I just flat out put my foot down. The attention was flattering and we got along very well at work. The more we worked together the more he was almost like “chasing” me like a guy does when he’s interested in a girl, compliments, gifts, emotional support, etc… He tells me I’m so perfect I’m his type (tall and blonde) and I’m like his right hand person at work and I’m just really good at what I do and who I am. Then a few months down the road he tells me he has feelings for me and he’s in love with me. I didn’t know what to say. I also had realized I got emotionally attached. Nothing else happened besides that. This is the complicated part. A week after he tells me this his wife finds out he has been doing this and forbids him to work with me or she’s divorcing him. So he cuts everything off, but slowly starts to still flirt and try to reel me in again, but on his time, other times he’s cold and almost mean. Almost like this person has an addiction. It totally messed with my head and my emotions in a profound way and he knows that. It felt like I was going through a horrible breakup and I did all the wrong things. I guess since his wife forbid him to work with me I realize he’s going after someone else. I hate to be this way but she just is very very plain and while I’ve been told I’m “striking” I have serious self esteem issues. It’s just messing with me and It hurts. It’s so hard because I wish I never had to see him again. I feel bad for his wife and for whoever else he decides to use. But part of me still cares and I don’t want to care anymore. Even more than that, I want to get at his ego. It’s not from a mean revengeful stance, I just am so hurt and feel so used. He knows he still has an affect on me and knows that him going after someone else is having an affect. I want to win and move on and like I said, do what this article says but is it too late? What do I do? Btw, he’s 53.

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So what happens if I already made the mistake of acting like a desperate lunatic? Will it still work?

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Hi Stephanie!

The only thing you can do is control yourself in the NOW. Reintroduce him to the you that has boundaries, limits and and self respect. You’d be surprised at what a little time can do. Just don’t contact him in any way and go off the radar for a while. Take this time to focus on you and let his curiosity kick in as to why you’re not acting out any longer. xo

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Thanks girl! I definitely have taken a step back and haven’t contacted him but he has contacted me a couple of times about random things. Nothing of importance but I’m maintaining a distant position.
It’s crazy how something like a breakup can flip a switch and make you act like someone you barely recognize.
This article couldn’t be any closer to the truth and knowing I’m not the only one helps so much! <3

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You are so welcome and so not alone. Thanks babe 🙂 xx

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So I dated a guy for a little bit, he didn’t want to put labels and I agreed to that bc I was secretly hoping he would change but he did not. So I finally made it clear to him that we can’t go on and lots of hurtful,words were exchanged. However we are coworkers, we are professional in our interactions but I need help in how I feel. He still has a place in my heart but I know he will never change. He has arranged marriage in his culture, how do I prepare myself for the day he comes to work to announce that wedding?

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My fear is he does change to a better person and I will go crazy wondering why I wasn’t that girl, what did I do wrong?

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Hi babe just remember that people do not change, they unfold. Keep reading the posts and If you need any additional help, you can find me here too: https://postmalesyndrome.com/coaching/

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I love this ! and I have really tried for a long time to do exactly this! But I have tried to cut him off.. more times than I can remember. Its really hard considering that we’ve lived in the same apartment building scince we were 11 we grew up together. He was my first kiss at 13. And took my viginity at 17. The history is very complicated. Im 22 now and his bed room is right above mine.. its like torture to try and ignore him when he’s always around to make up. And we make up just for hom to stay the same. Im thinking of moving out of my moms to keep my distance.

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Hi Rosie! I can only imagine how hard that is. I think keeping your distance is a good option so that you’re not constantly bombarded with memories and with having him so close while you’re in pain and healing. xo

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Well we haven’t spoken in a week now so thats one down! Lol thank you so much for the advice:)

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Proud of you and you are very welcome. Thank you Rosie! 🙂 xoxoxo

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I’m probably really late reading this lol but honestly it’s helped alot. There’s this guy that has played me before n we both been trying to b friends but someone always feels something more n we end up fighting n jus going back n forth well this last time..he kissed me for the first time n we had a awesome nite we actually clicked n tbh I haven’t stopped thinking about him since but he’s been acting rude but won’t stop looking but avoiding being around me or jus saying hi in general ..I still care alot but I’m not gna chase him or anything I’m putting my foot down..n cutting him off if he tries again. .n this blog helped me see things differently so thank you so much and I hope u keep blogging it’s awesome !

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Hi Corina! Thank YOU so much 🙂 I promise to keep writing xoxo

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One question please please please? What if you heard that he has some new girl? But he hides her and told me he ‘needs some time’.. Still cancelled our photo from viber….Will they be happily ever after or is it still possible he will be sorry he lost me some day? He is the type of guy who likes to hunt and does everything for a girl… Just in the beggining… After 3 months… Puf… All gone, ignoring, nasty words… I dont want him back… Just that he regrets.. I did all for him.. All.. And your advices are priceless because I will blindly trust them… Because I am in pain will trust you to lead me..

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Hi Mary!

You answered your own question. They will not live a happily ever after, this guy apparently can’t hold down a mutual relationship after 3 months and remember – people don’t change, they just unfold. The fact that he’s hiding the new girl speaks volumes about his serious lack of character. The best way to get him to regret is by talking care of yourself and doing the one thing he can’t do – speaking with your actions, cutting him off, hugging yourself a little tighter and being done with the nonsense. You deserve so much more. xoxoxox

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Hey dear,

thank you so much for this. I really really needed to read this post. Not only does it offer solid advice, it’s just so darn relatable. I can tell that you’ve gone through the same shit I am going through right now (for what…the 4th time now?) It never fails to make you feel helpless and out of control, no matter how often you survived the same torture in the past. What’s that quote again? Missing you comes in waves….today I am drowning – or something along those lines.

I am at No Contact day 24, was stalking him (blocked me on Instagram but so freaking desperate that I keep track of his post/follower/following count which is still accessible to monitoring even if you’re blocked, continuously freaking out whenever he follows people or posts new stuff) and saw a new picture of him on Whatsapp, which instantly got me all drowned in a sea of tears, despair and sadness. This post, beautifully written, was like the light I needed in these dark hours. All of a sudden, the solitude had a salutary tinge to it. Thank you so so much for this, love. You have no idea how reassurance like this helps a lost soul on the way to detachment and hopefully a life free of BS and douchebaggery – we’re all worth it.

XOXO

Eli

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Hi Eli!

Thank YOU so much. What a beautiful message. I’m so glad that you liked the post and that it served you. Thank you for the love and for opening your heart and sharing your experiences.I know how you’re feeling and the pain of what you’re going through. I’ll have more posts up this week that will help. You are a beautiful soul, you will get through this and you will reach indifference and peace. Keep coming back here to the blog – you’re not alone xoxo

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wow. Loved the article. My boyfriend moved out right before Christmas, ofcourse I acted like a lunatic too and did the texting crazily. We’ve had moments of him saying he wants to come back to he’s still thinking about. All this happened after he had been caught cheating, then said he wanted to fix it with me by doing some things. Ofcourse, I kept asking him when he would take action on his words and it backfired to where he said he had enough and was moving out. Ive done NC sometimes and he seems to after a few days contact me. It’s been a little over a week of me not being a crazed lunatic with anger and texting etc. I did see him the other day and when I clearly asked him if we are over. His answer was NO because I still love you. What in the world does that mean? We go 6 weeks not seeing eachother at all and when I finally see him he says that? He was at the point of thinking marriage before he left. I just get so confused with the things he says ” he loves me”, ” we’re not over” , ” maybe Im coming back home”. But yet he can go days not contacting me, doesnt seem to go out of his way to see me….. I did alot for this guy more than anyone in the 2 years we were together and I really wish I knew what he’s thinking or feeling inside especially saying things he has said. He can even end a phone conversation with ” talk to you later, I love you”. But he so fits this blog profile. I have decided in the past week or so to change myself. He wont see crazed texter, I am going NC, Im not always going to be available….. I just hope we can work this out and he does come back home because with the changes I am instilling in myself, I think I now know exactly how to keep us strong. We own something together and it’s not simple for me to just not want to be a part of what we have together but Im doing the best I can in hopes that if he feels Im not contacting him daily, Im not professing any more love in texts, that I act more secure that he may just regret losing the one he always said was ” the one”.

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Hi Jensen! Thanks for reading. I’m glad that you liked the post 🙂 Remember: “characterize people by their actions and your will never be fooled by their words.” You’re doing the right thing by turning inward xoxo

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I was in a relationship with him for six years. It wasn’t the easiest because we both came from different cultures. I tried my best to fit into his lifestyle, be understanding about his work schedule ( he is a business man and work is his priority) but kept feeling that he constantly needed me to change more and more. Somehow in any fight, I’d be the one ending up apologizing every single time even if he was at fault. I feel like I was the only one working on this relationship alone. When he would be consistently late picking me up for movie or dinners over and over again, I’d finally create a scene; he’d ask me to suck it up and be understanding because he is a busy man. When we took a break 3 years ago he took this girl out on a date and since then she won’t leave him alone. She is a regular customer in his famil’s business and keeps trying to add him every where. He was in touch with her for a year until I found it and it really hurt me. He finally manned up and asked her to not try and get in touch but she won’t back off. It really caused a lot of pain in our relationship. I would never be in touch with a man who I went out with during our break, Infact I took our break as a time to look into our relationship and how we could fix it. Long story short, he won’t get rid of her and it’s not that I doubt he is cheating but it’s ethics and self respect I’m talking about. I feel I compromised so much in this relationship to make it work but I saw no efforts on his part. When I decided to finally leave him, I ran back after a week at which point he said he had moved on. He told me I need to fix myself and he wants to give us time. I’ve acted so pathetic for the last four months. Begging him, crying asking him to take me back. And he just laughs, calls me names, puts me down and tells me how he wants to start dating again. I invested so much in this relationship. I’m far from perfect but I have worked so hard to make this work. I feel if I ignore him now, he will just move on and find another girl to go on a date with just like he did 3 years ago. I’m so ashamed of what I’ve become. I’m 25 masters student and gave up my modelling career. Because he didn’t like it. My life seems to have stopped since he was my everything despite our fights and all the hurt.

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Hey Lila, your story is all too familiar. May I ask what the outcome was since its been a number of months since this post? I hope you see this…

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Thanks for the post, I dated a guy who was previously just my friend. We used to talk about my relationships , his relationships then we realized we were attracted to each other. We hooked up, went on dates and trips, but he said friends only. Except when he would drunk call me and confess his love only to pretend it didn’t happen the next day. I fell deeper and deeper with each confession and worked and waited for him to bring it up again. I was his #1 cheerleader and squad, but was constantly frustrated because we never finished our conversations but we kept hanging out, he kept calling. Sex stopped, he said he was tired, erectile dysfunction (@ 43) etc. Then I discover thru tumblr he’s still having sex with his ex wife, they both post nude pictures of themselves..Wow.. At the same time his family tells me the truth about him, he’s still married, in a relationship with his wife and planning on moving out of state with her. He told them i was “just” a friend who he was my relationship coach and style guru??? I told him he was a pathological liar and never contact me again. It’s been a week and I’m depressed and sad because i can’t believe anything of this…and i want him to regret his actions and hurt just like i am.

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Hi Terri!

Thanks for your love and feedback. Omg that is awful. I know that you miss him now and that it’s hard, but you really dodged a nuclear bomb. Keep coming to back here to the blog every time you miss him and if you ever need more concentrated help, I do offer one-on-one sessions. You are not alone. xoxo

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I was with a Guy for 11 months. He was a single father and I was a single mother. We fell in love and became a family. We went out, traveled as a family. He told me he never had a relationship like the one he had with me. He also said that about the love we made. When we became homeless, I invited him to stay with me and my godmom. We went out there to start a new life, but he wasn’t doing anything for us to build a better life. I broke up with him because I felt I was competing with other females, though he never physically seen them. He used to run to them every time we broke up or had an argument, leaving me to deal with the issues. His family LOVED ME, his DAUGHTER called me mom. His daughter and my 2 daughters became best friends. But he was too childish and always accused me of stuff. I broke up with him 11/2015. Since then we have spoken a couple times, and he would pour his heart out one second, then get upset and not want to talk. I miss him, and because we built so much, I want to work things out. What should I do? I’m doing no contact, do you think he will want me back? Does he miss me? Let me know what I should do. Thank you.

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Hi Glenda,

I don’t think that the fact that you built so much with someone is a good enough reason to put yourself in the proverbial line of fire again. If you want to work things out, you need to speak with your actions and translate through those actions that you do not have room for anyone in your life that treats you this way and plays these hot and cold games. You deserve so much more. xo

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I’m staying strong too

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Broke up with my ex and he would constantly call and would reply politely. Then of late he would send me WhatsApp messages that he loves me. Told him can’t pretend that nothing happened to us thus I can’t say I love him back till we talk. Last week he sent another “I love you” message and I didn’t respond. Normally I would say thanx. To be honest him telling me that he loves triggered my love for him and I miss him so much.

He hasn’t contacted me after I ignored his I love u messages (it’s a week now) and it hurts me so much, what must I do? Am hurting and miss him so badly.

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Wow! This is great although I doubt it’ll do anything with the guy I’m hurting over. He made me think he wanted something only to say he wasn’t emotionally available or whatever bs of his it really is. We never got into a relationship but I found reading this to be very encouraging… I really hope to find happiness again and maybe the right guy will find me. Thanks Natasha I’m going to bookmark this to read when I think of him.

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Hi Jeni!

Thank you so much 🙂 I’m so glad that this post was helpful. You will find happiness again and yes – whenever you think of him, just come back here to the blog. You’re not alone <3 xoxo

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Natasha! Thank you for this post. It was just what I needed at this time. I dumped my narcisistic, emotionally unavailable ex a few months back. I cut off all contact and have been working on healing myself. Unfortunately, word on the street (social media) mutual friends let it slip about certain things he’s been doing. This psycho three weeks of me dumping him moved on to this girl that is so not at my level that was always harping on his flirts yet she knew we were together. He started doing things he did with me with her, he even went to the same place we went to a year ago for Valentines weekend and took her this year and if that wasn’t enough he was obsessed with my German Shepard and he recently got himself a German Shepard. Everything we did together he has been doing it with her, like she’s the filler but its our same past relationship pattern. At first I was very upset because he’s putting tooooo much effort on his social media accounts to post life is grand and all pics are coincidences of things we did together but then I realized he’s lashing out and trying to hurt me this way because like you said it, I hurt him where it hurts the most, his ego! He’s trying to get a response out of me but I’ve been on my white horse all this time.Thanks Natasha for always providing the best info!!!!

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Hi Sandy!

Thank you so much 🙂 you’re doing the right thing. xoxo

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Wow!!! Where were you 12 years and 2 months ago? Dating a musician who brought me home, paid bills etc… 3 yrs ago started acting distant and when l would make reference to this avoidance type behavior of course he denied it… Constantly made promises and break them. At beginning of this year, l knew our relationship wasn’t going to make it not mention the BS has taken a tow… long story short we made plans to goto an event together… l found he took someone on the day of my Bday and denied it. Until l texted him the pics. I finally cursed him out for the first time in 12 yrs. He turned it around on me and basically said l didn’t trust, respect and love him anymore and that he couldn’t take it anymore… l agreed and asked him where should l send his belongings. He told me to check on shipping charges and let him know the amount. I called him back with the shipping information and he never responded. I sent him a texted message and told him that l was moving at the end of this month and will not take his belongings with me and that l will no longer attempt to contact him. Tomorrow will be a week and he has not texted and/or called. l honestly feel relieved because l don’t have to deal with broken promises and lies anymore …

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Hi Nola,

I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through all of this. Yes, continue to let his disrespectful actions do the speaking. I know it hurts but you’re doing the right thing. Now it’s time to take care of YOU. xoxo

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what if he cuts you off first? I tried the whole no contact thing when we were arguing but he was just so stubborn and was better at it than me. Then he got a new gf and cut me off completely 🙁

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Hi Helen!

I know that this is a tough situation, but the best thing you can do right now is just stay on the white horse and continue to not contact him at all. xx

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This helps but it also hurts! I was dating a guy in an open marriage where his wife told him he could do whatever he wanted as long as she didn’t know about it. A couple of weeks ago, she flipped out on him and blamed him for cheating and now he’s in limbo, trying to decide between his wife (who was emotionally and sexually unavailable to him) and her kids or me, who fills in everything he’s missing and can offer him his own kids. I got tired of it and told him that I couldn’t be a safety net for him and cut him off. But I also feel like there’s more between us. I cut it off to try and hurt him but I didn’t realize how much it hurts me too.

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I have to agree. I was the type of girlfriend who felt that I loved him more than he loved me and he was the type of man who could have any woman he wants. When I found out that he cheated on me I was obviously hurt and felt disrespected. Mistreated. I told my self I love this man with all my heart but my self-worth is on the line so I initiated the break up. He was shocked that I did it. That I was willing to let him go. I broke up with him and I cut him off. For good. That’s when his friends started all the unplanned visits. I had to tell my housemates to tell his friends that I was not home (I felt bad about asking my housemates to lie for me). But I needed to show my ex what he lost. I thought, he knows my house so if he wants forgiveness, he better ask for it in person! After I cut him off, I suddenly have 50 missed calls in one day from different numbers. When I do answer the call, – nothing. As if the person on the other line was listening to me say ‘hello’ and hear me breathe! Creepy!

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I keep going back to your post because I decided this guy that I am dating doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with me. It was ok at first. It was going fine…. until the calls lessened… lesser texts too and the worst is he doesn’t plan on seeing me anymore. I brought it up once but he never planned anything. Last weekend, I felt horrible because he told me he was sick but he was just out with his friends. Which is ok but I just don’t get why there’s a need to lie. 🙁 Today, I ended it. I told him I can’t do relationships now and that it’s ok if he changed his mind about me. I told him I’m not gonna talk to him anymore. I also unfriended him on fb so that i won’t see any posts of him commenting to other women’s pictures. I know it’s not that hurtful but I want to be the bigger person and just tell him that i’m going. I never received a reply since. It feels horrible but It’s better this way. I’m coping up. Your post is really helpful. Thank you!!! <3

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You did and are doing the right thing Rose <3 Keep coming back here to the blog, you're not alone. Thanks for the love 🙂 xoxo

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Omg, I love your blog!!
What do you do if you have already acted as a psycho b****, stalked him and begged him to come back? How do I possibly get my pride back and show him and the world that im better than all the s*** I did?

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Thanks Vanessa! I’ll have a post on this topic soon XOXO

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I am so thankful that I came across your blog! I have been involved with an emotionally unavailable man off and on or 2 years, although he claims he hasn’t dated anyone but me. Claimed he couldnt commit, but I hung on because we had alot of fun together even met his entire family on Christmas. Last summer he needed to step back because we were getting too close, but then retunred 125% stronger within 6 weeks.
Early on I found he was addicted to pornography. Then this year he was hiding that he frequented strip clubs. One night he fessed up ( and got caught) paying for a “service” at a strip club. Begged me to forgive him and in return told me he saw us in a relationship and developed feelings for me. I said I would try and move past it ( like an idiot.) And than 3 weeks later he tells me he’s met someone. I am hurt, I am angry. I think about him often…what to do besides slap me and say, Snap outta it!
Thanks so much!

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HELP. me and my boyfriend were together for over 2 years and he broke up with me out of the blue 3 months ago! I bumped into him around a week ago and ignored him as he ignored me also, then around 2 days ago I had a missed call from him on Whatsapp and I messaged back around an hour later asking if he had just called me and he hasn’t even read it. Could this of been accidental? What does it mean? Als I do is over analyse everything !! Help 🙁

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I always come back to this post to give me a reality check when I need it the most. When I’m crying, devastated, heartbroken, confused all over again.

I can’t say I’m all the way there yet, I still have a long way to go. But this post always gives me hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and acceptance, happiness and peace on the other side.

Seriously, thank you, so much, for everything.

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Thanks soul sister 🙂 So glad it has helped! You may have a long way to go, but just remember, you’re not alone Ellie. Thanks for taking the time to reach out you made my day XOXO

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Great blog! Very uplifting and positive! Men always come back!! Usually when you least expect and usually by then, the woman are over it and realize they are deserve much more.. Going on day 5 of no contact after my loser ex dumped me again! This really helped remind me that I am the sh*t and that I’ll get through this, thank you!

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Hell yes! You ARE the sh*t and you WILL get through it! Thanks Melissa 🙂 I’m so glad that the blog has helped! XO

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I’m going through a similar break up except mine was slightly abusive. I stalk his Twitter cause he blocked me on Facebook. However the last few days I haven’t been obsessing about it as much and hanging out with family and friends and working, basically rediscovering myself. As much as I hate seeing him have “fun” I haven’t unblocked his number and kept the shit talking to a minimum cause I’m trying to not be vindictive even after everything he put me through. He did always say I was an amazing girlfriend to him after we broke up but I made the mistake of sticking around after the break up. It’s been a month since I’ve seen or spoken to him and I still dream about him a lot. This article has helped me a lot and I’m not waiting for him to realize but knowing he’ll eventually realize what he did to me, it will be too late and I’ll be stronger because of it. Thank you again for a wonderful article. They have been helping me through my difficult times xoxo

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I’m so glad that it helped! Thanks for the love and for sharing Alicia. You’re not alone and you’re doing the right thing XOXO

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Really enjoyed coming across your article Natasha !!! You also really look like Cheryl Cole …. My hearts been invested in whom I thought was my friend for 7 years, he never gave me what I really wanted but we always stAyed in contact – partly my fault because I always let this happen – I hoped for more and was lost in the friendship I thought we had….but as I’ve learnt love is very blind. In May he went really quiet for five weeks – I was being strong but was also upset in side driving myself mad with why’s. On my birthday last week I messaged him because I missed him, something didn’t feel right I was hugely disappointed in myself too – four days went by and he hadn’t messaged again. Friday morning of that week I got a text to tell me he’s been seeing someone. My friends are all made up I’ve goth closure I deserve, I’ll never contact him again and I hope does regret this one day! Friends have also said it want last with this new girl as he’s very similar to how someone mentioned above a three monther …..he doesn’t deserve it to !!! When he text I wished him well and that it’s good because I can move on too now ( no sorry from him etc for the years of emotional torment) now he has something new I’m yesterday’s chip paper. My day will come #karma

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Hi Justine! I’m glad the article was helpful! And thank you! I wish that I looked like Cheryl, she is a knockout! x Your day WILL come. You’ve got the right attitude now and I’m happy that you’re doing what’s best for YOU. Thanks for the love & support! xxxxxx

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You really do look like her.. It’s been a tough week Natasha.. Waves of emotion .. But nothing is as bad as that limbo feeling ! I’m
Letting it all go I don’t want to waste energy hating him just glad my mind has been made free now ! I’m sure karma will show me how he didn’t have it all easy in the future when I won’t care less then ! Lots of love xxxx

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My name is Jules Justine… Sorry for confusion xxx

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I haven’t heard from the guy I have been seeing for 3.5 years in 11 days. He didn’t end things or ask for a break, just stopped contacting me. I think I overwhelmed him with my feelings for him and he backed off. Will he be wondering why I am not contacting him? Will he come back to me if I continue to not react and stay silent? I realize that I should not want his disrespect but I am hurting. Any thoughts would help.

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Hi Lexy, how was the conversation left ? Give him his space, I understand it hurts, but let him come to you, if it’s meant to be he will return. Remind him of your high value, let him miss you and keep busy : ) it will all be ok xxx

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I’m trying really hard to get over my situation. It’s been a week since I sent him an angry text. We broke up a month ago. We were friends for 5 years and six months ago I realized I had feelings for him and told him but also said I wasn’t sure we should go there. He begged me for months with how he needed me to trust him and he adored me, then as soon as we get involved he tells me he realizes he doesn’t have the feelings he thought he did and is still in love with his ex girlfriend from a year ago, who cheated on him three times in four months!! I’ve been his friend and always there for him, he begged for my love and trust then tells me I was not that important to him after all and he’s hung up on some girl who treated him like dirt instead. I’ve been beside myself ever since. I feel betrayed by a friend and someone I fell head over heels for with him begging me to!!

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What a great post Natasha!!! I should had read it a month ago when this desperate-can’t believe it’s happening to me-heart broken situation started. I have this post in my daily to-do list to rememeber NOT to contact him and remain silent. Not sure if he will ever regret loosing me but I’m sure he lost a good chance to be with someone who was truly in loved with him… bummer….

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Hi Sandra! I’m happy that it helped! You are doing the right thing now and that’s all that matters. By doing what you’re doing now, you will be “the one that got away” by default. Keep having your own back and doing what’s best for you. You are not alone, you’re part of a tribe here and are loved and supported XO

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Your blog has helped me SO much. Keep on writing <3

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Thanks Anna! That makes me so happy to hear! I promise that I will! 🙂 XO

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I’m nearly three weeks into a breakup with the only person I have opened my heart to since my last heartbreak 5 years ago. We were together for 10 months, we talked every day, he talked about the future together and we even had a trip overseas planned for November. I always had a feeling that he wasn’t 100% in the relationship like I was, but when I would talk to him he would always say the right thing. I also felt hidden on his social media, especially Instagram, where he loves to look like the single guy traveling the world. I discovered he had maintained contact, and in one case hung out with, several women he met online before me.
I finally confronted him that he wasn’t “in the relationship” and I felt he was shady. He said he was 80-90% in the relationship and loved me very much followed by a laundry list of all the reasons our relationship would make a great lifetime partnership and how amazing I am. He followed it by saying he selfishly wants me in his life as a friend. I told him no and left. He called the next day very upset about our trip and not wanting to lose me from his life etc. I again told him I won’t be his friend. He sent me a long text that night telling me he loves me very much, apologizing for not giving me the affirmation, security, and recognition I deserve. He said he has broken his heart this time and he is sorry to keep apologizing but I’m “much bigger than his ego.” I never replied and have gone NC. I haven’t online stalked or anything. But I’m dying inside and keep blaming myself, questioning if I should have replied and replaying everything. I know I deserve better ( I’m not a 80-90% girl!) so I keep reading your posts to feel empowered and stay strong even if the pathetic side of me wants him to wake up.
I have done a ton of work on myself in the last few years but I feel like the universe sent me the biggest teacher and final lesson in loving myself. This relationship cracked open something huge in me, that I have to get over my insecurities and listen to my gut. Hopefully now the possibilities are endless. I just want to stop missing him.

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You did (& are doing) the right thing. You’re not alone and deserve so much more xoxox

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and YES! You deserve 100% 🙂

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My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue after dating for one year. Our relationship was healthy, exciting, and trusting. It was a long distance relationship, where I’d be traveling to Europe to visit him frequently for long weekends or holidays. A few months before the relationship ended, he had introduced me to his whole family, and then flew me to Europe weeks before breaking up to introduce me to his extended family…

When he told me he wanted to breakup, I was shocked because his actions leading up to the breakup didn’t make any sense to me. It was a non toxic relationship, and I couldn’t figure out what had switched in him. After the breakup, i immediately entered no contact for 30 days. After the 30 days had ended, I texted him asking if he would be available to talk because i wanted to ask him a few questions.

He responded immediately, and was happy to talk, and admitted that he felt very lost during the period of no contact, but was intimidated to reach out because he was unsure how i’d respond after the breakup. He said he missed not talking to me, but I reminded him that i’m reaching out because i wanted to understand the logic behind his actions.

Ultimately he ended the relationship because he feared commitment and his own feelings getting hurt if we continued any farther. I tried to reason why IF he felt this way, why was he eager to introduce me to his family. His family said that he has never brought a girl home (He’s 26) and that this was a side to him they had not seen before. He was unsure in his answers, and assured me that i didn’t do anything to cause his decision. Simply, he admitted that he realizes the breakup was very abrupt but it was for the sake of him not investing more than he already did because he didn’t want to end up hurt in the future. He admitted that there was nothing wrong in the relationship and he was very happy with all of the memories we shared together.

I explained that i support his decision, and I respect his wishes to not date anymore, although i want him to help me understand WHY this seemed like a logical decision for him since we’ve both been happy throughout the whole relationship. I don’t think he was expecting me to ask for logic and reason during this phone call. I think he expected that i would crawl back, cave in and try to bargain for reconciliation. I thanked him for all of the times, and i wished him the best of luck with his career and future.

Before hanging up, he asked me if i’d want to be friends…. He said he wants me to still be a part of his life and still talk. I gracefully explained that since nothing was wrong in the relationship, and his reasons for the breakup don’t make total sense to me, that i would be unable to be friends with him since the breakup wasn’t mutual. He understood…. but I think he was shocked that I denied his offer….

It was hard to say ‘goodbye’ on FaceTime… There was a lot of glossy eye starring and dazed smiles… Before hanging up, mentioned something about his birthday being a few weeks away… I told him I had recently learned to play one of his favorite songs on the piano as a birthday gift…. but have no reason to share it with him anymore…. Immediately, he started crying and said he still wants to hear it, while sobbing hysterically. Of course I began to cry after seeing his reaction… I’ve never seen him cry. It was WERID watching him breakdown at that very moment.

We shared a moment of starring at each other on FaceTime crying together. I realized this was my last straw in making an effort to communicate with him, and it seemed like he realized I am actually respecting and supporting his decision, and NOT crawling back. He said “smile and say goodbye so i can hang up” I continued to tear with him and caved in by responding ” i don’t want to say goodbye to you” I didn’t WANT to say that to him since it was contradicting the whole point of my phone call by asking for answers and not sounding desperate. He replied ” its gonna be goodbye for now” and he hung up the phone.

It was emotionally taxing for both of us, and i think he MAYBE realized that he might have lost a good thing. Where do you think this will all go on fro here? I am re-entering no contact, since I got my answers, and must move forward. I think he offered being friends at some point in the convo because he ACTUALLY realized i was honoring his decision to break up. What are the chances he will regret his decision ?

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tanx for this post.it has helped me a lot.

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XOXO

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Hey,
I have a question I hope you can answer. I recently pushed a guy away. To be honest he and I were part to blame but my boss/friend got involved and threaten him to never talk to me again. Ever since he’s blocked me on everything and deleted my number. I spoke to him after and said that was never suppose to happen, he was never suppose to be involved. He said ”He’s not up for getting himself in danger and doesn’t want to stir my feelings too.” I said ”That’s understandable but do you think we can at least be friends in the future?”
He then says ”I personally believe it’s better not to but we’ll see. Not anytime soon anyways.”
Ever since I found out I currently have depression, hence I acted out the way I did. I miss him as a friend as well as someone I was dating. I had sudden outbursts and wished we could at least try again as friends when I’m emotionally stable. Do you think this strategy could work in the future? After I find myself and live my life… and contact him in say 6months time… he’ll regret leaving me in the first time?

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Hi Reiko!

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this; I know how you feel. I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I can no longer give specific advice in the comments. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

Here is the link to the coaching: https://postmalesyndrome.com/coaching/

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Great article! I dated this guy I met online this past summer. I really liked him and thought he was looking for a long-term relationship. Well, his actions said otherwise. I would only see him once a week, and he blew me off one weekend and then disappeared for a week. He reappeared, as if nothing, and sent me a text. I was beyond upset and finally opened my eyes. This dude is obviously dating multiple women and not looking for a LTR. I ended communication and have not heard from him. My friends say he is a moron for letting me go since I am such a good catch. Something tells me this commitment-phobe narcissist may reach out, but it will be too late. The best revenge is living well!

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Could not agree more! 🙂 Thanks for sharing Nicky!

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Great Article,

My story has the same plot and outcome but a different twist. I have known my ex for 15 years. He always told me how he had a big crush on me since the moment we first locked eyes. Well 7 years ago he went to prison and during his time away he always sent a message to me.
Well during the last few months of his time we got really close. He told me how his ex had broken his heart and moved on without him etc. To get to the point, eventually we started dating before his release in December. Only for him to leave me in May to be with the same ex who broke him down.
Now he calls me every couple of days and threatens me not to move on. We haven’t stopped seeing each other and we still have sex (as recent as a week ago). This is taking an emotional toll on my life right now and desperately looking for a safe way out. Whenever I say I’m done he threatens to kill me. Your article is exactly what I need to do but I can’t find the strength to do it.

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Hi Denise! You are backed, loved, supported, believed in and never alone. XOXO

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Hi Denise, I hope you don’t mind me replying but I felt sad for you when I read your message because it angers me how selfish these men are, I was in a similar situation to you. The man you speak of thought nothing of going to his ex in May and he would think nothing of getting with someone else if it suited him ( remember it’s because He’s selfish this shitty behaviour isn’t about you ) I know you say you can’t find the strength but he is destructing your emotions. Please please please stop sleeping with him and look at the things you love that he’s prevented you from focusing on … surround yourself with family and friends that love you conditionally …because all the time spent in contact with him is giving you false hope and he’s only thinking of himself to keep you within reach. The guy that did this to me it wasn’t short of ten years, same scenario ex broke him bla bla blag we stayed in contact but he neve knew what he wanted. In May of this year he dropped me from a great height no reason, no call, no text. He has moved onto someone else. By September she was pregnant …. I needed that closure and we haven’t spoke since. IF I could have prevented myself from all those years of crumbs but hindsight is an amazing thing even though all my friends were sick him of the whole situation ! But I’m happy, very happy in the fact I got away. You can do this to .. please do this for yourself he’s tearing you apart and I know how that feels … as Natasha says turn inwards you can do this. Lots of love to you Denise Xxxxxxx

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LOVING the sisterhood and support <3 XOXOXO

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Felt so much better after reading this and seeing all thr othet people going through this.

My boyfriend and I went out for a year, during which time he got opportunity to move to the states with work. I did the supportive girlfriend bit and backed him all the way. I had my doubts about a long distance relationship but he convinced me it would work and he loved me more than anything. The plan was for me to move out there with him, we agreed I would come out for two week visit in Oct. We booked vegas for the 2nd week and I booked us tickets for couple of events there. 3 weeks before the holiday he broke up with me and said he had developed feelings for someone out there. I was crushed and begged him to give it a go until the holiday as had my flights all booked but his mind was all made up.  He asked me for the event tickets I had booked for vegas and said he was bringing guys from work, i eventually said yes and gave them to him. I removed him as a friend on Facebook after the break up but went on to his page after the holiday to see he had taken the girl he left me for to vegas. My stomach dropped when saw the pics of them together and of the hotel room we picked out together. He knew how important the holiday was to me and had promised he would never take another girl to vegas. I called him on his actions but he couldn’t see the issue as it was me who deleted him from fb and that he had nothing to hide. I have told him never to contact me again and have blocked his number but I don’t think this will effect him at all. He seems to think he has done nothing wrong and I’m starting to doubt that I am justified for being so upset by this. I’m so lost right now and want to believe one day he will know what he has done xxxx

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I’m happy it helped! You are justified in your feelings. My heart broke as I read your story. Keep coming back here to the blog (it WILL help) and thank you so much for sharing Kelly. You’re not alone xxx I do offer coaching if you’d like one on one help with this https://postmalesyndrome.com/coaching/ All my love to you x

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I remember reading your post back in April of 2015 when i found out that my boyfriend 0f 4 years at the time was cheating for several months after my suspicions and his denial. Like the naive person i was i took him back, took blame for his cheating and hoped that my actions further would make him change. Needless to say i never got over the betrayal, i went online looking for help on how to cope and move on. I saw your post but didn’t think i was capable of making such a move. Fast forward to march of this year i found out that he was on an online dating website and had met up one of the girls, who was someone i went to college with. I was devastated, i had so badly wanted this to work but this was too much, i left anyway hoping that he would come and get me and change for good. I searched for your post again and only pretended to be over him, in your own words “fake it until you make”. Anytime i would get weak, i would read it over again so that i don’t budge and give into his weak apologies. Its now October, and i can say leaving the relationship was the best thing that ever happened to me. Hes been begging me to come back,I guess hes sorry and realized what he’s lost but i am not interested in rekindling anything.

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You go girl. It’s a beautiful thing to kindly have your own back. Thanks for being a part of this tribe! 🙂 xo

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Hello,
I have been with my child’s father and I am currently 5 months pregnant for a little over 8 years now, on and off again. The longest we had ever been separated was about four months. We have had a miscarriage and still born. We also have been almost married multiply times ( including getting our marriage license last year). He did cheat on me the first two years of our relationship and now we just break up and he gets with other woman. He would still lie about being with other woman when we were not together. I would find out in various ways. In the 8 year time spam I have not intimately been with another man and he knows that. We our currently broken up and he say does not want a family with me anymore. He says he is a change person and is now being honest about the woman he is talking to. He also keeps saying he sees no future with me but ended up stilling my house key and will not give it back. He is still paying my cell phone bill and I caught him going threw my cell phone this morning. He was questioning me on what he found in my phone. I want to co-parent and have a good relationship for our kids but other times I just want to drop the kids off at his mother house so I don’t have to talk to him period. How do I make him regret not wanting his family? Please help!

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Hi Rosalinde!

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you are interested.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

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This is so true , I have been doing this. But he started blocking me on social media, even though we ended on good terms

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Hi Natasha. I have been in a relationship for 2 years. But i have a habit of talking rudely whenever i get mad. I always take my words back as soon as i get normal and also asked him not to take them on him. But, this time, he is ignoring me and not replying my messages saying that i always do it in spite of the fact that this time i didn’t do any of such things. he also blame me for every little bad thing that happens between us. what should i do? please help me. i really love him but i can’t control myself when i m angry.

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Hi Sophie!

I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. I’ll try to write a post soon that further explains this.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

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Wooow!!! You speak right through my soul. Im in that very situation and thanks for having my back on what to do. Im just wondering I have successfully managed to take away his oxygen but we live together though not sharing bedrooms. I am scared because I thought I did nto see this situation coming and since I live in his apartment, i am scared that he might kick me out even though it was his idea that we live together in the first place. I currently do not have a job so moving out is not on my list right now. How do i go through this. What do i do if he decides to kick me out for completely ignoring him.

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Hi Lavender!

I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. I’ll try to write a post soon that further explains this.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

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My ex is already dating someone else, the someone else is the girl he cheated on me with. (Bastard.) For all intents & purposes – he appears happy with her, is posting Facebook & Instagram stuff with her (when in the 2 years we were together he never did that with me) so I’m not entirely certain he’s even thinking about me. I don’t want him back, I mean who would want a cruel & narcissistic sociopath back after everything that he’s done. But I do want him to feel regret about what he did to me & how he’s portrayed me. I was a really good girlfriend & truthfully I’m not entirely certain why I stayed with him when he was such a douche bag. Either way when you say “cut him off” do you mean “unfriend” him so he can’t see my stuff or “block” him so he can’t find me at all via social media???

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gotta get this out, i didn’t tell anyone abt this and my heart is just hurting, i’m friends with my ex, i love him to the moon and back, we’ve been through a lot, he recently asked me to be his gf again, i said i don’t think it would work, so he said that when he thinks i’m ready he will ask me out again, anyway, we were friends, no struggling to be friends, at least i was yet we talked as if we were dating, then he asked my friend out and didn’t tell me abt it, i saw them together, asked her she told me that he aactually wants to date her, i saw them often together it hurt, i started ignoring him bc i was hurt so he didn’t call or text or anything, then i saw him with different girls each day, i’m hurt, i feel weak when i see him, i want to slap him, did i do the right thing by ignoring him, what should i do ?

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Hi Eleona!

I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. I’ll try to write a post soon that further explains this.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

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Hi I got married August 20 th this year after our honeymoon I got really involved in my work it kinda took over my life my husband wanted me to drop days and would moan about me being on the phone there seemed to be problems. We had a huge argument where he said he was packing his stuff and going the next morning I actually told him to leave as this was not the 1 st time he’d said this. I rang him the next day and for 6 weeks I have begged for my marriage I’ve changed my work admitted I did some things wrong but he will not meet me to talk or let us try there is always an exscuses but he says he misses me.he had been in dating sites I just want my husband back xx

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Sorry to hear everyone going through the same thing I am..I’ve done the crazy nonstop calling and texting and pleading with him to give us another chance, only for him to continue to “control” when he feels we can work things out, and according to him it’s only when I change, not him. Anyways, I read your blog and have decided it’s time to not contact him anymore. I’m pretty sure he will call me again, I just don’t know how long to go about ignoring him. I have tried that in the past, and after a few days of not answering any of his calls he just stops trying to reach out! My mind goes into a panic, and when I return his calls, he’a nice for about a minute until he realizes I cared enough to call back and then he goes back to trying to putting me down and trying to control the situation again and it sends me back into panic mode. It’s like he only wants me to give in just so he can go back to being in control again. So again I’m just curious as to how long is long enough to ignore him to make him realize that I do care, but I don’t want to be treated badly anymore, and only if he cares enough to change and seriously work things out should he even bother calling anymore?

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Love this post! From my own experiences, every guy who I have ever cut off in this way has ALWAYS come back in some way, shape, or form. Luckily, by the time they come running back I’m so over them that I barely give them the time of day! Now I am dealing with a guy that I fell hard for despite KNOWING he is not the one for me and never will be. Using this post to remind myself to let go of him too because I will be so much happier and FREE!

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You go girl! Thanks for sharing Sarah 🙂 You are loved, supported, backed & believed in. XOXO

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You are like an amazing girlfriend who gives the absolute BEST pep talks! They really resonate with me. THANK YOU NATASHA!!

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Thanks girlfriend! 🙂 You made my day. XO

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Idk how I came across your site but I’m glad that I did. I struggle with dealing with my ex boyfriend cause he may say that he cares and that he wants to get back together but I’m so tired emotionally and physically from being the only one to make any effort. Then I get upset and angry and that’s not even who I am. We were together for 5 years and this whole last year I’ve been single. Your post reminds me of my ex exactly….guess today’s a good day to just cut him out. I’m so tired of being sad over someone who makes no effort and try’s to manipulate me and the situation. 🙁

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My Ex left me when I was pregnant, he never told me and just refused to be there for me throughout the pregnancy and actually abandoned me on my labor bed to go be with this woman. He lived out of state and had gone on to engage her whil I was pregnant, bought a house living together and they just had a ban together. I found out about all this when this woman was about 8months pregnant. He kept me in the dark all along. He broke up with me after I found their baby registry online and was so devastated. I confronted the girl and told her about my story.

He’s angry with me for contacting the girl, he told me he wants nothing to do with me anymore and living together with her having a beautiful family. I’m so devastated because we have a child together and I have to take care of my child alone. I don’t think he will ever regret leaving me because he had basically moved on for over a year and a half and I’m just now finding out about everything. He’s still with her and I have no one. I’m heart broken, struggling everyday . This has been going on since September.

Do you all think he will ever regret leaving me or at least hurting me so much? He treated me like a piece of garbage just so the lady will not find out about my son and I. I know he’s relieved the lady now knows about us,broke off our relationship officially and living happily with her. He’s happy to have me out of his life so he can concentrate on his relationship with this woman. I feel so hurt, rejected and abandoned. He doesn’t even check on our son and makes me sad.

Will he ever regret his actions although he’s long moved on and happily married with another woman and had a new baby with her?

Also this is the same guy who while with me for over two and a half years had two other kids he never told me about. He told me he had just one child and wanted to have a family. I found out after having my baby he actually has 3 kids from 3 different women. I am the 4th woman having his 4th child. This now woman he’s with now is his 5th woman and she just had his 5th child.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the hurt and abandonment and pain. He’s shown no regrets, no remorse and wants nothing to do with me. He is with her and building a family with her. My heart hurts everyday.

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Hi Lynda!

I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog.

You’re not alone XOXO

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I’m so glad I read this, I read through the comments as well and its so crazy how I can relate to alot of them. I just want to tell all the women on here that you are all beautiful and to stay strong. Getting out of love depression has been one of the craziest hardest most painful experience of my life and I must say that although it hurts to cut him off and no matter how much u think about him and want to talk to him, stick to your guns like the article says. Be strong minded and know that silence is golden. I loved this article because it works, don’t be afraid to fall allllllllllll the way back.

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!! YES !! 🙂 Thanks Misty xoxo

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Hey Natasha!

I just recently went through a “break up” and am SO glad I happened to stumble upon your blog after of course googling all the ways I could potentially get this guy back. So essentially I was set up by a friend of mine.. this guy pursued me and showed a lot of interest. By nature he is more shy and lacked confidence so eventually I started taking more of the initiative. We talked everyday and hung out every weekend for about 3 ‘months. Everything seemed to be going well we laughed we smiled it seemed like he was opening up more. Sometimes I felt he wasn’t making enough effort but I used his insecurities as an excuse. However one night seemingly out of the blue he told me he no longer wanted to see me because right now he’s just not interested in a relationship. He said it wasn’t my fault and I didn’t do anything wrong he just feels wrong continuing this if he didn’t have the intention of going any farther. (He has just moved to Chicago and said he wasn’t expecting to dive into something so fast in the city) He wasn’t perfect but here I am left absolutely heartbroken. We talked about it in person and he said he would miss me, talk to me soon, and see me soon.. but for right now we just needed “a little break” since then we have made no contact, I haven’t been viewing his snapchat stories or instagrams.. I’m cutting him off. However I’m nervous he will text me soon or attempt to reconnect.. if he reaches out should I ignore him completely? Or maybe give short responses? I don’t want to sit around waiting and I’m trying my best to focus on myself, but I feel like I’d be lying if I said right now I wasn’t hoping he’ll realize he’s made a big mistake. How do you think I should approach this?

Your blog has gotten me through the past 2 days. Thank YOU.

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Hi Ashley!

I’m so happy the posts have helped! 🙂 I wish that I could advise, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments. I do offer coaching if you are interested. The link is at the top of the home page!

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding.

You’re not alone XOXO

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This is so true thank you i just need to cut him off. I need to let him know im not his liytle puppy dog willing to do what he wants me too thank you for the advice

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So happy it helped 🙂 xo

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My heart is grateful to all you that have shared your vulnerabilities. Like all of you that appreciate Natasha’s articulation of the pain and the path to healing, my soul is less lonely and motivated to move towards a healthier self in all ways.
I sincerely thank everyone who has written.

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This made me cry. Thank you dlw. My heart is just as grateful. You are a loved, believed in, supported and never, ever alone. xoxo

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Amazing article,

I have a question, how long should the no contact last? It’s been a week, and he hasn’t stopped texting me how sorry he is and how much he misses me, it’s still not good enough. It’s been maybe 5 days or 6 and he’s texted me every day and calls atleast once a day. Do you think he’s starting to realize he lost me for good? When is the right time to reintroduce myself and show him what he really lost and is not getting back

Lucy

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Hi Lucy! Thank you 🙂

I wish that I could help, but I have too much to say to type it all out and not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details of the relationship/situation. This is why I cannot give specific advice in the comments.

Thanks for the love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog.

You’re not alone XOXO

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After dating pretty much exactly *this* exact piece of work guy for a year and a half, I had to do exactly this back in October, Natasha. He was making me definitionally neurotic with his use of charm and control, and cutting him off was the only way to recover my mental and emotional comfort. My exact words: I’m blocking your number until I forget I have it. It hurt to say it but I am glad I finally treated myself like a friend. And then I went horse shopping. I bought a dapple grey, but she will turn white :).

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LOVE you Diane!! 🙂 So proud of you sister.

I think she’s already turned white 🙂

You are loved, empathized with, understood, believed in and never, ever alone. XOXO

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My narcissist ex broke up with me about 4 months ago. I cut him off completely after the break up. No contact what so ever. He hasn’t reach out to me at all. Not sure that he ever will. But at the same time why would I want this guy to reach out to me after breaking my heart like this? I know I deserve better. Perhaps I will be “the one that got away” but regardless, I know I will continue to stay on the white horse because its the only thing that has kept me going. My self-dignity and respect. And hopefully someday he will regret it and think man “I lost something really great” but by then I will be long gone.

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Exactly 🙂 xoxo

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Does this apply even if he is he one who broke up with you. A few weeks back I ended things after catching him in a lie and he acted like it was life or death if I didn’t respond to him. BecuSe of an unfortunate family circumstance, no contact ended after only a week. Two weeks later he was the one breaking things off with me. Will he still regret it if he’s the one who ended the relationship?

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Hi Brittany!

I wish that I could answer your questions, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice/answers in the comments.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog. I do offer coaching if you’re interested.

All my love to you soul sister.

You’re not alone XOXO

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This post is a post I have been reading everyday since my breakup with the man I was (am) head over heels with for the last 4 years. It is saving the last ounce of dignity that I may have, TRULY. A 4 year relationship with the best of highs and the WORST of lows… I was cheated on 5 times within those 4 years and every time I would leave he would use his child that I adore as leverage or he would blame his actions on his alcoholism or anything other than taking responsibility. I must say my codependency was really not serving me, however I wanted with every fiber of my being for him to finally wake up and live up to that man he initially showed me in the first 8 months of our relationship.
The last time he cheated was 6 months ago and the only reason I went back is because he actually hurt himself (this man is 29 by the way, not that I condone hurting yourself at ANY age) however, after that last time something in him did seem to change- as in he actually apologized and even said that he cheated because he is insecure with himself and it had nothing to do with me… with that being said Natasha, 5 days ago I just lost it— as if it all caught up to me and I just went absolutely psychotic on him and told him that he doesn’t deserve a single ounce of me, and that this is what he gets for putting me second to all these women. I just couldn’t get the images of how he may have touched them and kissed them out of my head, it all just came rushing. I did everything for that man. First woman to ever give him foot massages, or stay up until 5 am running to the nearest drug store when he had a toothache.
I guess what I feel is that I may have acted very emotionally unstable in that instance especially since I just blew up. I wanted to at least LEAVE with some ounce of maturity and self respect. I wish I would have just walked out quietly so that I don’t have to look back and think that I was the one who said hurtful things when he was attempting to mend our “relationship”.
Any advice on how to come to peace with myself eventually? And perhaps forgiveness…. eventually? I really do hope that he regrets what he has done to a woman who genuinely opened her heart to him.

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Hi Rana!

I wish that I could answer your questions, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice/answers in the comments.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested.

All my love to you soul sister.

You’re not alone XOXO

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Hey Natasha ,
Great post .just broke up with my ex who I’ve been dating with for the pst 1.5 years and I really want to get him back . One day I throw my anger at him and he snapped n asked for break up . he told me he has been dealing with my attitude and he could not take it any longer. I tried NC for one week n he didn’t respond n acted normally by keep sharing funny videos on Facebook . and then I texted him, he just ignored my text competely . But he did text my friend and told her our problems and what is his thoughts . Should I apply NC again and post some great pic of me hanging out with frens , gym and show him I’m not affected by him anymore ? Need ur advise

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Hi Karen!

I wish that I could answer your questions, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice/answers in the comments.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested.

All my love to you soul sister.

You’re not alone XOXO

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My guy broke it off with me last night, he IS under a lot of stress, I’ll give him that, and I have been very needy and desperate to make it work… so when he told me last night he didn’t want a relationship with anyone right now, but still cares for me and I am “such a great girl”, but he needs to do this on his own… I was devastated, I immediately told him I was gonna delete him, he said “but I want to stay friends with you” I started to cry but told him no, that wasn’t an option for me… it went back and forth a little and then I told him goodbye , disconnected and deleted him everywhere, even his number.

I’ve been a hot mess crying all day and eating pizza, because I love and miss him so much and the thought of never seeing him again makes me want to die. But this finally makes me feel like I am on the right track, thank you!!!

InWILL come back and read this everytime I feel like cracking and send him messages…m THANK YOU so much, you might just drag me through this

Love,
Sam

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Sam,

I’m crying as I type this because I’ve been there and I truly feel your pain. You are loved, supported, understood, believed in and never, ever alone. Keep coming back here to the blog, it will help. Thank you for being a part of this tribe. You’ve got me and you’ve got soul sisters, all over the world, reading this right now and sending you love. Thank you so much for sharing. You’re doing the right thing – taking care of the one who needs the most love and attention – YOU.

XOXO – N

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Ok so a guy I have been dating for 3 years went on a trip to with his friends, who are also good friends of mine. We got into a txt argument while he was out of town and he decided to shut me out for 2 days (he does not like arguments) he has been holding this against me for over 2 weeks now, when we spoke on the phone we stayed on the phone for 4 hours, I did most of the talking and all he could say was that he loves me but his heart is lost, he works offshore so I have not been able to contact him like im used to. He has however sent me txt but the conversation is very little. I did tell him how I feel and that I love him dearly, he even accepted my apology from the argument but he still says his heart isnt there. I need advice before I overreact. Should I cut him off for awhile? Im so lost

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Hi Londyn!

I wish that I could advise, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice/answers in the comments.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog. I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested.

All my love to you soul sister.

You’re not alone XOXO

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I’m looking at my packed bags as I type. He broke up with me 3 months ago and I have been begging for 3 months, lingering hoping he changed his mind. I’ve beyond humiliated myself by staying. Yet, I still love him. Its been 3 months of hell. I’m leaving today but hoping for us to work eventually….because me staying clearly isn’t working. The man he is to me RIGHT NOW, is undeserving of my love. Ironically, I’m not leaving because I know that. I’m leaving because I was left with no choice. Thanks for your blog. I will try to be strong even though I feel I am nothing right now. I feel like I have lost a limb.

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You are loved, supported, believed in, understood and never, ever alone. MariBee, you are so much stronger than you know. We’re here for you; thanks for being a part of this tribe 🙂 XOXO

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Thank you so much for this article. This is exactly what I need it to read. WOW!

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Glad it helped!! 🙂 Thanks Maria! XO

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Good morning, my name is Omoy and I just want to say thank you very much for this post. It just gave me another reason to move on. But I just want to know because yes I still care for him. We broke up for the very last time now because we cannot gree and he is selfish. But here’s what I got from him”I want us to be friend’s thou” I told him I don’t want any involvement with him anymore. And he then asked”so what?, your gonna cut me off completely? He knows I can. But we aren’t in love anymore so why is he asking that? He was waiting on me for 2yrs but every time I thought of giving myself to him, his moodiness kicks in out of the blues. I realize he started to look outside of our r ship. Began commenting on other women’s pictures and probably more. I asked why he did it he says”when ur unhappy with certain things you look else where for it. We can’t gree and no sex. I said you know thats cheating right? His first response”you and I think differently to me its not cheating”. So I knocked some sense in him and said”how selfish you are to have done such thing’s cause even when I had to put up with ur moods I didnt look elsewhere. I realized he was using his ego so I said “deep down u know ur wrong”. He said”dam it! Fine ur right OK. My question is when I completely cut him off will this work on him even thou We weren’t intimate??? Just seems like once he becomes one with some one he’ll forget me so I want to know. Thank you

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Hi Omoy!

I’m so happy that the post helped 🙂 I know how hard it is.

I wish that I could advise and answer your question, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice/answers in the comments.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog.

I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested.

All my love to you.

You’re not alone XO

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What do you when you are going NO CONTACT, but he contacts you via text a couple times…. just ignore it? Backstory… the guy is separated, emotionally unavailable… and f-ed with my head for a while… playing games… mixed messages… not wanting a GF, but acting like I was his GF. We have kids. He let them meet each other. I was so smitten I went along. Unfortunately, we have to work together a bit (I am actually his client in the real estate biz) so I communicate very professionally via email. But as far as texts, I have been ignoring completely, while he goes about liking all my instagram posts. He ended it with me leaving me super heartbroken because he did not have the emotional bandwidth to continue…. *due to divorce? Keep on ignoring his texts? What do you think ladies and Natasha?

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what if he has a new gf will this work and what if you already made the mistakes of reaching out?

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Hi Samantha!

I wish that I could advise and answer, but I have too much to say to type it all out not enough hands to type or hours in the day. I would also need more details. This is why I cannot give specific advice/answers in the comments.

Thanks for your love, for reading and for your understanding. Keep coming back here to the blog.

I do offer one-on-one coaching if you’re interested and would be happy to help further 🙂 The link to it is on the homepage!

All my love to you soul sister.

You’re not alone xo

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Hi Natasha,

Thank you very much for your advice!!! I am Tanya from Canada.
There is a guy that I had known for almost half a year, we were colleagues before but we kept contact after I left my job.
We go drinking like every 2 weeks and he showed his affection to me
We had sex and it went well until I left his place the next day
He did not contact me for the rest of the week and I was scared to initiate the talk about our relationship
But guess what? I initiated the talk and told him I miss him and his replied I was being sarcastic… it just… devastating
At that moment I knew I was used and played
I told him I am not happy to be someone as a target for one night stand
He replied me “That’s not one night stand! We had been knowing each other for a pretty long time!” (At that time I was being persuaded but now I know I am manipulated by his words) at the same time he is trying to avoid being called a cad or jerk.
So horrible… after reading this I know I need to distance myself from this kind of toxic people.
He contacted me but I am totally “clean” now by cutting him off
I still feel bad and wanted to reply him but I know I shouldn’t. I hope my feelings for him can be gone asap

I wish every girls here love and stay strong.
Again, thanks Natasha for the courage!

Yours,
Tanya

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Hi Tanya!

Thank you so much for sharing 🙂 I’m proud of you and honored to be a part of your healing and realizations. You are loved, understood, appreciated, backed, believed in and never, EVER alone. Thank you for being a part of this tribe. xx

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