You’ve just experienced the mind F-ing, kill-me-now-what’s-the-point-of-carrying-on-can’t-stop-thinking-about-him, execution style, emotional murder, loneliness, insecurity, incessant second-guessing of everything that you ever did and death of the prince that was once by your side… BREAKUP.
You wake up every morning feeling like you’re choking. You need to stalk his Instagram like you need air. You can’t get off the hamster wheel of obsessing, reminiscing, crying, depression, analyzing, stalking and back again. You hate being on the hamster wheel but you don’t want to get off because you’ve become accustomed to being in pain, it’s familiar to you. You’re more comfortable being depressed and getting a PhD in the reasons why he did everything he ever did than you are making a decision, committing to it and moving on.
Also, the last little connection that you have to him are the thoughts and the memories and if you commit to moving on and not obsessing, then that REALLY means that it’s over and you’re just too fragile to deal with all that. It’s too heavy. I get it. I’ve been there x 187637 and I’ve done things that are so embarrassing, so humiliating, so desperate that I cringe when I think of my younger, validation-seeking self. I’ve put my mind, health and body under unthinkable damage all under the umbrella of “needing to do this” and it being totally justified because I was under the breakup umbrella.
The thing you want to know like, yesterday? How to get him to regret losing you. You want him, just for one f-ing minute, to think and feel what you’ve been thinking and feeling 24/7. You want him to be the emotionally available, responsible guy that gets it, that sees the error of his ways, that sees what he put you through and can’t believe that you loved him, believed in and stood by him, in spite of him treating you like garbage all along.
Even though you shouldn’t give a crap whether someone that disrespected and hurt you, regrets losing you, it doesn’t matter. That’s what you want and I get it. Guess what? If you didn’t want that, even at some point just for a short period of time, you wouldn’t have blood running through your veins. We’re human, we have emotions, we’re all insecure, we’re all damaged and we are ALL fallible.
Is there really a way for someone to regret losing you? In my experience, yes. So here we go: How to get him to regret losing you,…
First, you need to realize that when you’re dealing with an ex that’s emotionally unavailable, he will never have that “I get it” moment that you so want him to have. He’ll never realize your worth because he can’t realize his own. People that truly know their worth don’t have to cut down other people, let alone the people who they’re supposed to be committed to and love. No matter how highly you believe he thinks of himself, he’s an all-about-me-it’s-my-world-and-you’re-all-just-inhabitants, narcissist that appears to have the confidence of George Clooney. The thing about narcissists though, is that they’re actually the most insecure of the f*cktard species. Emotionally unavailable, narcissistic guys cannot and will not ever be able to empathize with anyone.
THE ONLY WAY TO GET TO AN EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE NARCISSIST IS THROUGH THEIR EGO.
You want to know how to get him to regret losing you? cut.him.off.
Let him see how life is without you. Let him wonder what in the hell you’re avoiding him for. Let him miss out on the light that you are. I know you don’t feel like “missing out on you,” is that big of a deal and that you’ve made enough mistakes in the relationship for him to want to move on immediately and forget you, but guess what? You haven’t. Cutting him off and speaking through your actions is the murderer of the ego.
And the ego is the oxygen and the currency with which these guys run on.
As hard as it is to cut someone off that you want to speak to and hop back in bed with, you have to. .
Think about this: If this guy was able to behave with an ounce of integrity, dignity, respect, honesty and loyalty, you wouldn’t be reading this right now. So, WHY do you think cyberstalking him, crying, begging, and explaining to him how much he hurt you is going to do anything? The cat is always going to meow, it’s never going to bark.
You must speak with your actions.
When you speak with your actions 2 amazing things happen:
- You translate to the world that you are a dynamic character in your own life story.
- By taking action (even if you have to ‘fake it till’ you make it’ and are a depressed mess at first), you will inevitably end up more confident and start building your self-esteem and self-worth back because by having boundaries and being kindly (not brutally) honest with yourself and others, you will begin to see the benefits of your commitment to yourself because you will empower yourself through the decisions that you make which contribute to your well being first.
That’s NOT you.
Yes, cutting a guy like this off will get him thinking. Yes, It will make him think of the ‘good times,’ and yes, he will start to rethink his decisions (because you cut him off and are not giving him any reason to label you as anything needy or negative). He will begin to miss the you that was all too willing to do any and everything for him.
Reintroduce him to who you ARE: The girl who speaks with her actions, the girl who won’t involve herself with anyone that treats her any less than she treats herself and contrary to popular belief, the girl who HAS a backbone, boundaries and limits.
Yes, this will get him thinking, rethinking, regretting and possibly reaching out but… guess what?
When you speak through your actions that you don’t give a rat’s ass and that you’re done, you make him feel out of control. He will most likely panic because these guys are all about being in the driver’s seat. Because he’s feeling a loss of control, he will reach out. NOT because he’s missing you in the way that you want and need him to. He just wants control back. Remember, you’ve taken away his currency and his oxygen.
If you stick to your guns and continue to not engage on any level, regret will kick in. Regret that the girl who put of with all of his crap, is long gone.
And THAT girl doesn’t have time for the bs any longer.