Learning how to control your emotions is the most valuable skill you could ever acquire. In the past, it always felt like a “get rich quick” scam to me. The idea of it sounded too good to be true and I knew better. I wasn’t interested in having to forfeit my truth and withhold how I felt just to “win.” This was not a game, this was my life and I wanted to live it authentically. The right people would understand me and where I was coming from.

So, I kept inflating the narcissistic life raft I was on by justifying my emotional reactions, delusional internal dialogue, and convincing myself that my emotions had no control over me.

Continuing to end up abandoned, used, humiliated, rejected, and misunderstood started to poke holes in that raft. Over time, it disenchanted the dysfunction that I kept labeling as authenticity.

There is nothing authentic about allowing anyone or anything to hold you hostage. There’s nothing liberating or sexy or cool about allowing your emotions to control you to the point of acting in ways that devalue and disempower you. The most authentic thing you can do is identify and act on your hunger to be free and experience better – A better quality of life, better standards, better people, better relationships, and better results. 

The times that we feel the most emotionally powerless are the times we will try to convince ourselves that we have the most control.

I couldn’t control the kind of men I was attracted to. If they looked a certain way, that was it. I was immediately blind to red flags, pink flags, and internal ugliness because I was so superficially based. I valued everything that didn’t matter. And because I had no control over my emotions, I had no control over my life.

I always stress the importance of thinking of yourself as a business. You are the C.E.O of Y.O.U. If you automatically bend over every time one of your employees comes into your office, how are you supposed to even hear your employees with your head to the ground, let alone run a successful company that attracts the kind of clientele and investments you deserve? How are you supposed to be taken seriously? How are you supposed to command respect from your employees if you can’t respect yourself and act in accordance with your position as CEO? If you don’t believe it, they’ll never see it.

Your emotions are your employees. The boss of any successful company knows how to manage his/her employees to work for them and the good of the company – Not allow the employees to work over the boss and bankrupt the business.

Your employees will do their job effectively if they feel acknowledged, understood, validated, and directed in an empowering and positive way. Contradiction is the root of all misery and ignorance –  You can’t be so powerless that you allow your employees to run your business but also view yourself as powerful enough to be referred to as a CEO.

There are a lot of CEOs in this world. Some put “CEO” in their online dating profile when in reality, all they have is an idea for a business and not one employee, deal closed, or dollar made. Others are more legit. Allowing your emotions to control you is as reckless and embarrassing as claiming you are the CEO of a company that only exists in the fantasy land of your delusion.

If you are controlled by your emotions, other people will always be able to manipulate and control the state of those emotions.

Knowing how to control your emotions will introduce you to a life you never knew you could call your own. Today, I have the kind of power, confidence, and luck I never thought was possible because I have control over my emotions. I’ve put them in their place as the employees that they are. This doesn’t mean that I don’t have bad days, feel insecure, or that I disrespect or try to micromanage my emotions at all.

It means that I acknowledge and respect the fact that they work for me. I no longer work for them. And if I want them to keep working for and not against me, I have to honor, manage and domesticate them when they get triggered. This is what successful CEOs do.

Because of this ability, I’m no longer attracted to or compatible with people who try to reaction monger. People who get their kicks off of controlling my emotional weather so they can get a cheap ego stroke no longer turn me on. These people hate themselves and are in a state of such pain ignited by such insecurity, they have to go around making everyone else feel as small as they do. If someone in my life tries to control me and my emotional state, they are out. I stay away. Also, I don’t care to control anyone else. I don’t want to gossip, make anyone jealous, or cause any drama. Because my emotions are no longer out of my control, I don’t need validation from anyone but myself. It’s the definition of freedom.

Here’s how to control your emotions and reclaim your freedom…

When it comes to learning how to control your emotions, it was a four-step process for me.

HOW TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS STEP #1: Get Power-Hungry

There is nothing more attractive than a high-value person who confidently stands in his/her own power.

The one thing standing in the way of your power is knowing how to control your emotions. The key to emotional Jedi mastery is learning to fully feel every ounce your emotions while completely restraining from acting on them. When you behave on emotional impulse, you show others how weak your emotional core really is. It translates to others that you don’t know your value and are unsure of who you are.

F*cktard people will see you as an easy target for being manipulated and emotionally available people will not be attracted to you.

You’re no longer a player. You become the self-imposed water boy in the game of life (the “water,” being your energy, spirit, and dignity for others to readily consume when thirsty). Emotional mastery comes from feeling every ounce of your emotions while committing to the superpower that non-reactivity is.

Emotions cloud reason. And if you can’t clearly see what’s going on… You will act on the fear that going blind ignites and the subsequent anger for not being able to see at a cost you will never be able to afford.

Do you want to know how to control your emotions? Be more scared of losing your power than you are of not scratching the mosquito bite of emotional reactivity. This is what your white horse is for.

Patience is the only way out of the prison of your emotions. It is a skill that will protect you from acting on emotional impulse and appearing weak.

Knowing how to control your emotions is more about what you choose NOT TO DO – What you no longer act on, put up with, and get yourself dragged into.

HOW TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS STEP #2: Just FEEL. Stop Getting Down On Yourself.

As I said above, feel every ounce of your emotions.

Being able to feel your way through the most unbearable triggers of pain, loss, embarrassment, abandonment, fear, anger, the need for revenge, doubt, etc., and not act on those feelings is the definition of power.

Stop feeling guilty for your spiteful side being triggered. It’s okay. It’s normal to get angry and have vengeful feelings. The secret to success in life is learning how to use those feelings to your advantage. These are what I call “gasoline emotions.” If you drink gasoline, you’ll get sick. But without it being put in a gas tank, your car won’t go. Stop drinking these emotions and allowing them to use you while making you sick. Feed your emotional gas tank with these feelings and use them to make your car GO. Speak with your actions. Gasoline emotions are rocket fuel.

By the time you’ve felt your way through it all, if you’ve really taken the time to feel, you will see the pointlessness in reacting and the pure gold that responding with your actions is. The more you do this, the more you will respect yourself. You will feel confident knowing that no one can ever mess with you to the point of unlocking your reactivity for their own egoic gain.

When you have your own back, you’ll never need anyone else to have it – You’ll just appreciate it if they do and not take it personally/flush if they don’t.

HOW TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS STEP #3: Looks Don’t Matter.

When it comes to knowing how to control your emotions, I couldn’t control mine when it came to a certain physical type of man I was attracted to. It didn’t matter how many red flags there were, I couldn’t help myself.

I also could not control my emotions to be attracted to good men who didn’t fit this stupid physical ideal I had.

My heart was only open to closed doors and closed to the open ones I claimed to want. I was all about the superficial because I had no substance.

When it comes to looks, keeping yourself up MATTERS. I always try to put my best foot forward and be as healthy as I can. I take pride in caring for myself and my body – superficially and substantially.

There definitely needs to be a physical attraction, but always make sure to take the time to really get to know someone. If you focus on substance and connection instead of physicality, you will find that people show you who they are very fast.

It’s amazing how incredibly attractive someone can become when they are given a chance to show you who they are instead of being judged by the standard of a genetic lottery.

Of course, there are certain physical attributes that you just aren’t attracted to and never will be. And that’s okay.

A few weeks ago, I really surprised myself.

I recently started watching a show that is already a few seasons in. It’s so good and whenever I have any free time, I’m watching it. Obsessively.

Anyway, there is a main character on the show who is the physical embodiment of everything I am simply not attracted to and never have been. He is not some sort of hideous, unhealthy and unhygienic beast, I’ve just never been attracted at all to his look. I’m telling you right now if this person existed in real life and we were both single, I’d date him in a heartbeat. And it would probably surprise everyone and I could care less.

He is a very rich man on the show but I don’t care about the money; I make my own. What attracts me is the ambition. It’s the work ethic, loyalty, empathy, confidence, and power as a result of the humanity that got him there and that he still possesses – Humanity that most would lose with that much success and wealth.

Actions are this man’s first language and words are his second. 

Whether it’s a friend or lover – Dynamic people who are honest, ambitious, and have character are so attractive to me that looks have become secondary.

The same goes for quality members of the opposite sex. Because they are emotionally available and can connect, they will see how interesting, powerful, confident and dimensional you are and you will be the most beautiful person to them. 

This is not about being blind or settling in any way for what physically turns you off. It’s about not settling for a shell.

It’s about learning to be attracted to what’s good for you, instead of what triggers you into becoming a thirsty performing seal.

It’s about taking one fraction of the time we obsess over looks – our own and others – to focus on making sure that our house is just as beautiful and clean on the inside as it is on the out.

All you need is to be aware of this. Carry this awareness around with you, apply it, and just watch the abundance, connection, and love you attract.

HOW TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS STEP #4: Accept the Gift.

Use your emotions for what they are meant to be – A total gift and invaluable insight into a situation, relationship, and yourself.

When you get triggered, ask yourself why you feel this way and be honest with yourself. This will lessen the need to have to tell others until you process everything and digest. Guard your privacy and respect it always.

You can disempower a lot of triggers, pain, and problems in your life by taking the time to think about your emotional responses instead of reacting based purely on emotional impulse.

One of my favorite people in this world, Tony Robbins says to “take control of your consistent emotions and begin to consciously and deliberately reshape your daily experience of life.”

Know how to control your emotions. Next time you get triggered, stop for a moment and allow yourself to feel every emotion that comes up. Take note of how you feel emotionally and physically. Experience it with yourself first – the one person who has been by your side through it all. Don’t ask yourself if the emotions are constructive. Emotions and feelings are not the main issues here. Ask yourself how reacting in any way to these emotions would be constructive and elevate your reputation instead of destroying it.

If not, you have to drop the rock. There is no need to throw it.

If a rock was thrown at you, whether intentional or not, that doesn’t mean you have to throw it back at the person who threw it at you. It does not mean that you have to throw it at the situation, at yourself, at an innocent bystander, or out into the world in any way – No matter how badly you are bleeding and cut open.

I have learned in the most humiliating and painful ways that it will boomerang back every.single.time.

Most people can’t put the rock down. They don’t know how. This is why those that can are so desired, powerful, emulated and the hardest to forget/get over.

These people are referred to by their ex or anyone who screwed them over as “the one that got away.” They have a level of grace under pressure that exudes a kind of control, class, confidence, and power that’s just as rare as the fulfilling lives they live.

Natasha xx

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26 comments

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Thank you for this today! It’s funny how something you need shows up at the right time. I tend to let my emotions get the best of me and believe that just begin honest and upfront with them serves me well, but I’ve learned that is not the case over and over again. I can’t put that rock down, but I am trying!

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I’m happy that the post helped 🙂 Thanks Adriana! xo

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I can’t thank you enough for this and for saving my life. I love you Natasha 💕

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Every post is a work of art and SO HELPFUL. Seriously. The words and examples and analogies you choose are sublime and really resonate with me.
Love you Natasha! You are a master craftsman of words that give life!

XOXOOOOO

V. Larned

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Wow thank yoy so much V 🙂 That means everything to me. I love you too! xx

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Brilliant as always Natasha!

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Thanks CC 🙂 xoxo

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What a beautiful post, written by a beautiful person.

I needed this today more than anything.

Thank you Natasha I love you.

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Thank you Catherine! I love you too 🙂 xx

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I saw a quote that mentioned “you gotta train your brain to be stronger than your heart otherwise you’ll loose yourself every time” and I thought it’s so powerful and now you write on the very subject it’s like we have some sort of telepathy haha. You’re amazing it makes sense to see it the way you do and put the rock down instead of damaging others around! xxx

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Thanks sister 🙂 I love that quote and YOU. xox

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Hello Natasha. I hope you are well.

This was so helpful for me because I am a very passionate woman. I always have been so it’s hard not to act in my emotions. It has come back to bite me so I am learning to work on that. You are correct though in that people do like to trigger me and have done so but it’s always been strange to me how they will want to contain my emotions at the same time. My ex was a little bit that way, when it gets too real they back away. I find it sad because if you cannot handle your own emotions, how would someone deal with another persons emotions? I guess it is also a sign of maturity.
Your words are a very good tool for me and have brought me clarity today. I sometimes do not like that part of me but after reading this I have more confidence about my emotions. Thank you again!! I love you for sharing and for all you do.
You are not alone. Be well for now. 🦄😘🌸💕

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Hello lovely!

How are you? X
I was reading your words about being a passionate wOman. Me too. But I like to think my passion comes from my soul. Not my emotions.
I think our emotions express passion on a few levels, but as long as your emotions are just tools to express yourself, it’s ok. It’s when they take over and they own the floor that we get hit by that emotional tsunami.

Stay passionate and stay who you are, Linda. You’re beautiful and strong and triggers set us off less when we identify them. Just follow your gut. It never lies. Your essence is powerful stuff.

Much love to you, sweet little passion fruit woman!!
♥️

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I could not agree with or love either of you any more <3 xo

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Hello my friend! I miss you!
Thank you so much for your reply to me. I think what you said is important. I’m learning a lot and as I get older I’m learning what to be passionate about and what to let go. You are correct in that I cannot let them control too much. I’m picking and choosing.
It’s a life lesson. Thank you Lorelle. I so appreciate you and your wisdom. I know I am not the same person I was a while ago because of all the information I have gained here.
Thank you again and I really hope you are well. I look forward to meeting you someday.
Stay well my friend. 😘🌸💕🦄

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Hi Linda 🙂 I’m happy that the post helped <3 I too have felt the same way.

Anyone who tries to contain your emotions most likely lacks empathy, emotional connectivity, and control over their own. Thank YOU for your love, support, and for sharing in a way that makes us all know we aren't alone and in this together. I love and appreciate you endlessly. xo

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Hello hello! This is a great post, Thankyou so much. I’ve visited this site since May of this year and it’s been such a good source of information with regards to relationships. What I’m curious about is: how to discern between someone telling you they are being ‘conscious’ by telling me my faults and issues and someone just being abusive and insecure. If there is an article already written I’d love to be directed to it as I know that you (Natasha) cannot answer anything directly in this format. My previous partner (the one that got married in June after meeting his new girl in March!) said similar things that this new ‘friend’ is saying. Both Aries. I’m aware that this being human is a constant unfoldment and work is to be done, however, am I getting a message from the universe or am I attracting arseholes??😂 Any insights and comments appreciated. With thanks and as always love to all 💜✌️

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Hi Tara!

I’m so happy that the posts have helped 🙂 I am an Aries too LOL! You will know someone is being “conscious” as you say if they are kind in that consciousness/honesty and not brutal in its delivery. I hope that helps and I will definitely write about this more very soon. Thank you for your love, support, and for being a sister Tara. xxx

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Thankyou Natasha ❤️

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I loved this – thanks Natasha! I think you touched on some very fundamental, powerful themes here…in fact, so fundamental that it felt like you were describing the Newtonian mechanics of our emotions. The idea that emotional Jedi mastery involves feeling every ounce of an emotion while refraining from acting on them felt like a new Principle of Inertia. That is – when we learn to avoid acting on our emotions we increase our emotional inertia. And that gives us greater power when we decide on a course of action, because our greater inertia makes us resistant to the effect of outside forces.

Greater emotional inertia means greater emotional mass. And when combined with the accelerative powers of “gasoline emotions”, you get Newton’s 2nd law (Force=(mass)*(acceleration)).

So too it goes with the metaphor you used about dropping the rock. When you throw the rock, it boomerangs back every single time. Newton’s 3rd law says that “for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.” Hence, throwing the rock means we can only expect to get hit with it again, which will only hurt ourselves more.

It’s a nerdy way to look at what you wrote…merely trying to highlight that it felt like you really got to the fundamental laws of nature with this post. And you can’t argue with physics.

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Brandon, I re-read your post 3 times. Yes! Today, I felt a pull to something, a scenario, a person, a feeling, I resisted the pull to gravitate, to reach out, to get my ‘hit’. Today, by resisting, by being aware of patterns, referring to content that’s been helpful (Natasha amongst others) I feel like I upped my emotional mass through my ‘inertia’. You are fabulous, big thanks n love 👌

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So glad you empowered yourself Tara! Thanks for the kind words.

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Same here 🙂 Thank you Brandon that comment was beyond.

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Brandon, I never thought I’d say this because every one of your comments are so amazing and spot-on, but this is my favorite comment of yours. WOW. Thank you so much for sharing and for being here. I wish I could put into words just how loved and appreciated you are. xoxo

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Learning to accept your feelings is a big power move. Usually we’re trained to surpress our emotions or expedite the recovery process when something hurts us. But you are so right – owning the feelings and triggers makes us much more powerful in the end. You write from the heart, thank you.

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🤗♥️😘 thanks soul sis xo

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