We’ve all done it. We go on Instagram and what we convince ourselves is going to be just a “quick check,” turns into a full on stalker-zoom-in-screen-shot-wtf-FML jealousy session. We see everyone doing what we wish we could – living their dreams, creating, traveling, making money, going out, dating our exes, getting engaged, looking flawless, procreating, evolving, progressing, doing SOMETHING… while we’re paralyzed in the cement of our wash, rinse, repeat life. We’re too scared to make a move because our existence has become that of distrust, “what if’s,” anger & undetectable self esteem. The anger arises because we’re stagnant and unable to kick the fear. This provides a very fertile ground for a complete lack of self love, which then leads us on a lifetime search for friends & lovers to “complete” us; to see in us what we are unable to see in ourselves. Allowing others to doormat us thus becomes a way of life. We no longer wonder how to be fearless because fearlessness is about as attainable as getting sun tan in the middle of the night.
I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret…
my ENTIRE LIFE I’ve lived in fear.
I didn’t accomplish an echo of what I could have. I was scared sh*tless and wasted so much time convincing myself that a, b & c needed to happen before I could take action.
I was scared of rejection, scared of abandonment, scared of failure, scared of success & happiness (I couldn’t fully trust either; I’d always be waiting for the other shoe to drop), scared of being “found out” (because I lied about everything to compensate for not feeling like I was enough). I was scared of being heard, scared of being judged, scared of speaking up, scared of getting into trouble, scared of getting dumped, scared of creating and scared to bank on a self that I had no like, love or respect for.
And because I was so scared, I could never make a move in my life. Everything was plagued with indecision. The pen was then willingly handed over for others to write my life story (and of course, they’d write whatever fulfilled their personal agenda/needs).
I was the girl that relied on relationsh*ts to make the moves for her.
If I ever had any little inclination of interest, passion or inspiration, the cynical audience in my head would immediately murder it.
I didn’t know how to be fearless because I had developed a codependent relationship with fear.
I was essentially scared of the world doing to me what I had been doing to myself my entire life. I had abandoned, failed, judged, silenced & dumped MYSELF.
Ohhh and did I try. I can’t tell you how hard I tried. I tried so embarrassingly hard to appear fearless and confident; convinced that the attainment of superficial matter would somehow provide it for real.
I was exhausted from emotionally running and obsessed with telling everyone how far I had gone.
Yeah, I may have ran a very far distance, but I was on an emotional treadmill. While I had definitely ran a distance, I hadn’t actually gone anywhere. I was too scared to run on the emotional ROAD because the road was scary – I could fall, the weather conditions could worsen in an instant, the road could be uneven, I may get lost, I may be wearing the wrong clothing, etc. So, I became an emotional treadmill runner – someone that was way too proud to show everyone the distance she had gone and lament about how tired she was (even though she hadn’t reached any real destination).
This gave me a license to remain in a state of fear based paralysis, hopelessness and dissuade myself from ever investigating how to be fearless.
Bottom Line: No matter how hard you try, if fear, anger & a lack of confidence reside within you, you’ll never have a chance at truly realizing and living your dreams. Never.
You’ll just continue to run on that self imposed treadmill until one day when you’re too old to do so anymore, you’ll be so riddled with regret, that dis-ease will manifest within your body from thinking about the life that you robbed yourself of.
The moment that I figured out how to be fearless was the moment that I started building upon my dreams, realizing them and living them in the most gratifying, magnificent & wildest way.
Here’s how to be fearless, confident & start living your dreams.
(Not for the New Year, not for the holidays, not when you lose the weight or get that job or buy those pair of heels… NOW)
All people who have achieved greatness are fearless. I used to think that certain people were just born fearless or had mastered how to be fearless early on. Or maybe they were just born with a talent that was so good, they never had to be fearful because they were that good or that beautiful or that rich.
I was wrong.
EVERYONE experiences fear. I’m honored and fortunate enough to coach some of the most well-known people in the world and I can assure you, they have as many fears as the next person.
One of my favorite quotes: “The richest place on earth is not Dubai, it’s not Beverly Hills or the Hamptons, it’s the graveyard. The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.”
If you want to know how to be fearless, here’s the propellant you’re after:
- Realize that we are ALL dying of a terminal illness. It’s called LIFE and to my knowledge, not one of us is going to make it out alive. Think about it – within a matter of decades (which will fly by faster than you can blink), everyone you know is going to either be ashes or 6 feet under. What’s not going to matter: that you got knocked down. What’s going to matter: that you got back UP and RAN with what you learned on the way down.
- I promise you – you’ll never be on your deathbed one day, wishing that you would have taken LESS action. I’ve dealt with a lot of loss in my life and take it from me, don’t let something as devastating as a diagnosis or an accident propel you into action. We are ALL terminal. YOU are terminal, right now. Make the decision now to RUN on the ROAD of life, not the treadmill of your f*cking fears.
- Whatever you get and achieve in this life will always be in DIRECT proportion to what you’re willing to tolerate. Guess what? YOU are the CEO of YOU. Treat yourself like you’re running the most important business because YOU ARE. Start minding your own business and let others mind theirs. Tighten up your terms & conditions. Decide what needs to go and what needs to stay. Construct a code of ethics for your business. Remember – EVERYTHING that you’re scared of the world doing to you is everything that you’re ALREADY doing to yourself. Make the decision to delete the self-sabotage from YOUR business mantra. You are the only one who has access to that eraser.
- Since you’re the boss/CEO of YOU, make the decision to fire the enemy. There’s an old African proverb that says, “If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm.”
- Realize that the “right time” to take action will NEVER come. Get off your emotional ass and CREATE the right time by acknowledging that the present moment is the ONLY time that we are ever guaranteed. USE IT. I promise you, I have epically failed at SO many things, but you know what? I took action. I tried and I used what I learned and what I felt in defeat to propel me into a burning desire for MORE.
- How to be fearless: OWN and HONOR your hunger; get rid of the entitlement. It wasn’t until I honored the feeling that I could never have a boss, that I got hungry enough to CREATE and become my own. “Entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won’t, so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can’t.” I can’t tell you how much I’ve given up, passed on and bowed out of because I’ve been too busy building my brand. The reason why I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this is because I truly don’t feel like I’ve passed on anything. Why? I finally stopped passing on MYSELF.
- Understand that by making the decision to face your fears and ACT upon the discomfort of stagnation, you will achieve that unapologetic confidence by default. Confidence will no longer be this unattainable “project” that you have to keep working toward (and failing at). You’ll just HAVE it.
How to become fearless =’s getting to the point where you’re more afraid of staying where you’re at (& repeating the same patterns), than you are of getting OFF that emotional treadmill and on the road of ACTION.
When you look back on your life, you’re not going to remember that one day long ago when you were reading this blog post.
You’re going to remember this moment, this monumental moment where you put your mind to something and took massive action (that the fear of staying in this bullsh*t misery propelled you into).
You’re going to remember THAT.
I don’t want you to remember me and what I wrote, I want you to remember the one person that’s been forgotten for far too long: YOU.
The only thing that can disempower fear is using the emotion of fear against itself.
USE that feeling to motivate you into hunger for BETTER.
You have the opportunity of a lifetime: it’s called LIFE.
Decide to take positive advantage of your life before allowing the next person to come in and again, take advantage of it in a negative way.
You CAN do this. It’s a decision away.
Let’s support one another and do this together. If I can do it, so.can.YOU.