The good news: this is the END. The end of the holiday season that highlights being single, heartbroken, feeling insignificant and alone.
The bad news: (as if New Years Eve wasn’t hard enough), it ends on the one holiday dedicated to completed hearts and happy couples.
I think the commercial aspect of Valentine’s Day does a better job of highlighting the heartbroken and heightening the “I am not enough” factor, than it does in celebrating the most rare of all rarities: true love.
Whether you’re single, just broken up or in a relationship, it doesn’t matter. I’ve been in relationships before where I’ve felt more alone than if I were to be physically alone in a cardboard box. Yoga really helped facilitate this awareness for me. You could be in a crowd of hundreds of people and if you’re heartbroken, lacking connection and emotionally isolated, you will feel more alone than physical isolation.
Big events, holidays, friendsh*ts and relationsh*ts can heighten our alone factor to an extent that supersedes the physical.
With physical aloneness, there’s this black and white, concrete evidence that supports the mentality of “I am alone.” With emotional aloneness, you become grey-zoned; a circumstance-imposed pariah, the Dumbo (one of my favorite movies of all time), in the middle of the three-ring circus. You may be immersed in surrounding company and “connection,” but if theres no emotional one, the circus you’re in will only highlight the pain and heartbreak associated with emotional isolation.
This is why big cities can be some of the loneliest places to inhabit.
& this is why Valentine’s Day can be so difficult when you’re heartbroken.
Feeling that heartbroken aloneness 24/7 is tough enough. Having to go through a day that’s KNOWN for its grandiosity in celebrating the very antithesis of your current emotional state? No Thanks.
If you find yourself heartbroken on Valentine’s Day, here are 3 things to keep in mind…
Valentine’s Day is about LOVE. Nowhere in fine print does it state that it’s not worth celebrating unless it’s in the form of “please-allow-me-to-be-the-exception-to-your-unavailable-rule,” passionate and/or romantic love. Valentine’s Day, a holiday that I used to dread and that always brought up a lot of insecurity, is now one of my favorite holidays.
I choose to celebrate by GIVING what I always wanted to receive – unfiltered love – to myself and others. I let my family and the people in my life know how much I love and appreciate them (myself being at the top of that list). The wildest, most intimate, exciting, evolving, secret-keeping, never-abandoning-depite-constant-rejection-and-punnishment, loyal and fascinating relationship that you’ll ever have is the one that you have with yourself. Celebrate that FIRST.
Gratitude for what you DON’T have.
If you’re heartbroken missing your ex, wishing you weren’t single and feeling like the Happily to your Ever After has come and gone, focus on being grateful for what you no longer have.
Be grateful that you don’t have anyone in your life lying to you this Valentine’s Day.
Be grateful that you don’t have anyone manipulating you.
Be grateful that you’re no longer inhabiting a triangle; that you don’t have to compete with anyone or anything for basic relational necessities like clear communication, love, value, honesty and respect.
Be grateful that on this Valentine’s Day, you don’t have anyone making you feel guilty for having a human reaction to empathetic bankruptcy, disrespect, disloyalty and hurtful “forgetfulness.”
Be grateful that you don’t have the wool pulled over your eyes any longer.
Be grateful that you don’t have anyone in your life blaming their disconnection on you not being enough.
Be grateful that you know now what you’re no longer willing to tolerate.
Be grateful for your ex’s dysfunction because it has helped propel you out of your own.
Be grateful for the pain. Be grateful for being heartbroken and decide that today, you’re ready prove to the universe how significant of a teacher and how powerful of a propellant that heartbreak truly is.
Remember your track record.
While you may be heartbroken dealing with relationship failure, trauma, pain and feelings associated with emotional isolation, remember that your track record is impeccable.
That’s right, you heard me… your track record for overcoming emotional and physical obstacles is 110%.
You’ve been through rejection, devastation, heartbreak, adversity, humiliation, pain, abandonment… and guess what? You’ve GOTTEN THROUGH IT (or you wouldn’t be reading this right now). Your low self esteem may try to make you feel like you haven’t gotten through it, yet here you are, still standing.
Despite the nuclear bombs that life has thrown your way, you’ve emerged from the wreckage and proven that the scars and broken emotional bones incurred are not The End to YOUR story.
You’re STILL here. You’re STILL standing and you got through it.
That ALONE is reason enough to take a day to celebrate and recognize the soulmate that got you through it all and never once let you down: YOU.
Wishing you all the happiest Valentine’s Day. It’s a happy day no matter what because we have each other. Thank you all for being my Valentines and for being the best readers in the world. There is so much love here on this blog and in this tribe, we give Valentine’s Day a run for its money 🙂 LOVE you all!
PS (!!!) I’m doing a little low-key giveaway for Valentines Day as a thank you for all of your love, sisterhood and support.