The good news: this is the END. The end of the holiday season that highlights being single, heartbroken, feeling insignificant and alone.

The bad news: (as if New Years Eve wasn’t hard enough), it ends on the one holiday dedicated to completed hearts and happy couples.

I think the commercial aspect of Valentine’s Day does a better job of highlighting the heartbroken and heightening the “I am not enough” factor, than it does in celebrating the most rare of all rarities: true love.

Whether you’re single, just broken up or in a relationship, it doesn’t matter. I’ve been in relationships before where I’ve felt more alone than if I were to be physically alone in a cardboard box. Yoga really helped facilitate this awareness for me. You could be in a crowd of hundreds of people and if you’re heartbroken, lacking connection and emotionally isolated, you will feel more alone than physical isolation.

Big events, holidays, friendsh*ts and relationsh*ts can heighten our alone factor to an extent that supersedes the physical.

With physical aloneness, there’s this black and white, concrete evidence that supports the mentality of “I am alone.” With emotional aloneness, you become grey-zoned; a circumstance-imposed pariah, the Dumbo (one of my favorite movies of all time), in the middle of the three-ring circus. You may be immersed in surrounding company and “connection,” but if theres no emotional one, the circus you’re in will only highlight the pain and heartbreak associated with emotional isolation.

This is why big cities can be some of the loneliest places to inhabit.

& this is why Valentine’s Day can be so difficult when you’re heartbroken.

Feeling that heartbroken aloneness 24/7 is tough enough. Having to go through a day that’s KNOWN for its grandiosity in celebrating the very antithesis of your current emotional state? No Thanks. 

If you find yourself heartbroken on Valentine’s Day, here are 3 things to keep in mind…

  1. L-O-V-E.

    Valentine’s Day is about LOVE. Nowhere in fine print does it state that it’s not worth celebrating unless it’s in the form of “please-allow-me-to-be-the-exception-to-your-unavailable-rule,” passionate and/or romantic love. Valentine’s Day, a holiday that I used to dread and that always brought up a lot of insecurity, is now one of my favorite holidays.

    Why?

    I choose to celebrate by GIVING what I always wanted to receive – unfiltered love – to myself and others. I let my family and the people in my life know how much I love and appreciate them (myself being at the top of that list). The wildest, most intimate, exciting, evolving, secret-keeping, never-abandoning-depite-constant-rejection-and-punnishment, loyal and fascinating relationship that you’ll ever have is the one that you have with yourself. Celebrate that FIRST.

  2. Gratitude for what you DON’T have.

    If you’re heartbroken missing your ex, wishing you weren’t single and feeling like the Happily to your Ever After has come and gone, focus on being grateful for what you no longer have.

    Be grateful that you don’t have anyone in your life lying to you this Valentine’s Day.

    Be grateful that you don’t have anyone manipulating you.

    Be grateful that you’re no longer inhabiting a triangle; that you don’t have to compete with anyone or anything for basic relational necessities like clear communication, love, value, honesty and respect.

    Be grateful that on this Valentine’s Day, you don’t have anyone making you feel guilty for having a human reaction to empathetic bankruptcy, disrespect, disloyalty and hurtful “forgetfulness.”

    Be grateful that you don’t have the wool pulled over your eyes any longer.

    Be grateful that you don’t have anyone in your life blaming their disconnection on you not being enough.

    Be grateful that you know now what you’re no longer willing to tolerate.

    Be grateful for your ex’s dysfunction because it has helped propel you out of your own.

    Be grateful for the pain. Be grateful for being heartbroken and decide that today, you’re ready prove to the universe how significant of a teacher and how powerful of a propellant that heartbreak truly is.

    Be grateful that you have your own white horse to ride off into the sunset on (and by default be the one that got away).

  3. Remember your track record.

    While you may be heartbroken dealing with relationship failure, trauma, pain and feelings associated with emotional isolation, remember that your track record is impeccable.

    That’s right, you heard me… your track record for overcoming emotional and physical obstacles is 110%.

    You’ve been through rejection, devastation, heartbreak, adversity, humiliation, pain, abandonment… and guess what? You’ve GOTTEN THROUGH IT (or you wouldn’t be reading this right now). Your low self esteem may try to make you  feel like you haven’t gotten through it, yet here you are, still standing.

    Despite the nuclear bombs that life has thrown your way, you’ve emerged from the wreckage and proven that the scars and broken emotional bones incurred are not The End to YOUR story.

    You’re STILL here. You’re STILL standing and you got through it.

    That ALONE is reason enough to take a day to celebrate and recognize the soulmate that got you through it all and never once let you down: YOU.

Wishing you all the happiest Valentine’s Day. It’s a happy day no matter what because we have each other. Thank you all for being my Valentines and for being the best readers in the world. There is so much love here on this blog and in this tribe, we give Valentine’s Day a run for its money 🙂 LOVE you all!

PS (!!!) I’m doing a little low-key giveaway for Valentines Day as a thank you for all of your love, sisterhood and support.

Since it was so popular last time (& it’s my current go-to palette), I’m giving away another Kylie Cosmetics Burgundy Eyeshadow Palette!

TO ENTER:

All you have to do is comment on this post on my Instagram what you love about PMS, be following me and you’re entered! I’ll DM the winner on 2/15/17! Anyone anywhere can enter. xo

shop the look

You May Also Like

27 comments

Reply

You don’t know how much I needed this post, thank you so much.

I love that PMS always tells me exactly what I need to hear.

Happy Valentines Day, Natasha!

Reply

Happy Valentine’s Day Vanessa! I’m so happy it helped 🙂 Thank YOU for your support, love and for being a part of this tribe. XOXO

Reply

Your blog has helped me more than years of counseling ever did! Thank you! Xoxo Happy Valentines Day!

Reply

Thanks Sarah!! It was, is and will always be my pleasure to help. Happy Valentine’s Day to you too! 🙂 xx

Reply

Happy Valentine’s Day to the whole TRIBE! I’ll be thinking of all of you today..and tomorrow. We’ve got this! (Gets on her white horse and trots off 😉

Reply

YAAAA! Thanks Genevieve 🙂 Happy Valentine’s Day! XOXO

Reply

I am three weeks out of a relationship with a guy who had 0 empathy and respect for me and our relationship. Your blog has helped me put things into perspective and feel empowered with my decision to free myself from this situation. This article was especially timely. LOVE LOVE LOVE the reminder about having gratitude for what I DON’T have. I felt so weak and vulnerable in that relationship, and it is nice to be reminded of my strength in overcoming it.

Happy Valentines Day to You : )

Reply

I’m honored and so happy to have helped with your healing & realizations. Thanks soul sister!

Happy Valentine’s Day to you too Meghan! You are loved, supported, understood, believed in, empathized with and never, ever alone. XOXO

Reply

This, as all your other wise words,. was timely. I have been struggling all morning knowing my ex fiancé took his girlfriend and probably soon to be fiancé on a romantic getaway. Although I am dating a nice guy now, the thought of my past love makes me want to vomit. I go back and forth from hating him to hating myself and really wanted to send him a letter today. Are we still supposed to have no contact when we know if our hearts they tried and our unhealthy habits soured the love? I feel like never telling him how I feel will eat me alive forever. The guilt and shame I feel for not being the girlfriend he deserved is killing me and learning for the future isn’t enough to make peace with. What do we do when it appears when they really have seemed to find their soulmate and you’re left with immense regret?? A new loving partner is great, but the regret and shame from ruining the most exciting relationship of my life is intolerable….especially with tomorrow approaching.

Reply

Hi Liz! I’m happy that the post helped. I wish that I had more hands to type and hours in the day because I have a lot to say regarding your questions. I do offer coaching if you are interested. Keep coming back here to the blog and just know that you’re never alone. Thank you for your love and support! XO

Reply

“Remember your track record -we made it through 110%.” So true……it’s amazing to read your articles in a much different place than I was when I first met you 🙂

There is still the occasional bad day – but then I reread quite of a few of your emails/blog posts and it gets me back on track. As always, you are amazing Natasha.

Reply

Heidi!! Hi! I’m so happy to hear that and think of you often. It takes one to know one – you are a gem. Would love to catch up soon 🙂 XOXO

Reply

Thank you, Natasha. I remember my soul oozing out of my body, feeling so distraught. I scoured the internet for any relief. I remember feeling like I’d hit the jackpot when I found your site. Stayed up way late reading so many articles, saying, “Yes, that’s it! Exactly! Boy does she have not only the insight, but especially the way to express it that mirrors my heart!” I began to take the advice, bit by bit, piece by piece, and work on that alien idea of putting myself first, that I, I alone was As Worthy and Good as He Was! I allowed myself to accept that making excuses for the lies and broken promises made me an accomplice in the whole problem. Yes, liars are thieves who steal your trust; but accepting and overlooking that was me allowing myself to feel “less than”, and a doormat, and there is something inherently very wrong with that. I have begun telling myself that I AM a wonderful person– I do a lot of good– and that I — alone– am Enough. And that I was in love with whom I WANTED him to be– not who he was. I’m learning. Thanks, Natasha ♥

Reply

YES!!

Jen, I’m in tears. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to share. I’m honored to have played a part in your healing and realizations. You go girl. All my love to you soul sister.

XOXO

Reply

I have dreaded the past few holiday day months and Valentine’s Day has been the straw that almost broke the camel’s back – my ex proposed on Valentine’s Day last year. Months later he abruptly broke up with me, and I later found out that it was to rekindle a relationship with his college sweetheart. Thanks for helping me find perspective. I needed this!

Reply

So happy it helped! 🙂 Thanks Kimberly. I know the pain you’re in; just know that you’re not alone. You’ve got a whole tribe behind you – loving, supporting, understanding and believing in you always. XOXO

Reply

Happy Valentine’s Day. I just texted someone that I’m not really a fan of this day. I then saw your blog. I really see it in a different light now. I’m finally loving ME! I do love people. I will celebrate with the one who never lets me down. ME!!

Thank you so much!

Reply

YAYYY!! Thanks Ricki 🙂 I’m glad it helped and so happy to hear that. Happy Valentine’s Day! XOXO

Reply

Natasha, your blog has become a daily visit for me! Whether it’s because I’m feeling sad and missing *him* or just because I want some inspiration to keep being a powerful woman who gets sh*t done, I come here and get a boost.

Thank you for taking your time and energy to communicate to others that we are not alone! ❤

Reply

Thank you Natasha! I am 8 months out of a breakup and recently found your blog. I am really grateful for your posts and the way you advise without judgment. After reading what you have to say, I feel I know what I deserve and don’t miss settling for less than that. I want to say I would love to see a post with tips for the general loneliness that comes along with losing someone who would oftentimes be your company. In particular when I am doing stressful work or if I am eating at home by myself, it can get hard not to wish you had a supportive partner there. I have hobbies and friends for when I need them, but there are times where I inevitably have to be alone either because I just don’t have plans or I have to get things done. The hardest part is definitely learning to love and value yourself, and I know there is a lot out there about staying busy with people and things you enjoy, but I feel there isn’t much advice on how to just actually BE by yourself in a literal, physical sense without getting distracted or overwhelmed by your thoughts.

Anyway, happy Valentines Day to you! Thank you for all the love you have spread to us.

Reply

Hi Emily! Thanks for the recommendation 🙂 I love the topic and will try to write about it soon. Happy Valentine’s Day to you as well & thank YOU for the support, love and for your sisterhood. XO

Reply

Another masterpiece my sister! Happy Valentine’s Day to me! xoxo

Reply

YES! Thanks soul sis 🙂 xx

Reply

I have just happened upon your site and i feel as though I’ve just walked into the warmest hug I never had. My relationship ended on Valentines Day after I received gorgeous (expensive) orchids. It was just another narcissistic, “get online & order some mind f*ckery”, that will yank the yoyo (me) from the pits to the top. Rather than gush, cry and forgive, I gave the orchids to a dear friend, threw the attached obligatory note in the trash and sent one final goodbye text. And then of course, spent the night curled in the floor crying and confusing my cat. I’ve been miserable and second guessing myself and trying to read everything on line and texting my therapist to try to convince myself I did the right thing. Then I found this blog and this site and I’m smiling over my choice – finally after 10 years of stuff you would never believe I did to try and be “enough” for this man, I’m going to start my new relationship with me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Reply

YES !! 🙂

Teresa – Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart. I’m happy that the post helped and sending you a big hug. You are loved, understood, empathized with, looked up to, supported, believed in and never, ever alone. Keep coming back here to the blog. I believe in you; you’re doing the right thing. XO soul sister.

Reply

GAT DANG THIS ONE KNOCKED IT OUT THE PARK, GIRL!!!!!!!!

Reply

LOL thanks babe!! XOXO

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *