Fear, resent, hopelessness, anger, insecurity, jealousy, comparison, obsessing, stalking, an inability to let go, low self esteem, and reverse narcissism… All of these things nearly robbed me of a life. The only thing that murdered the extent to which these destructive emotions/actions dictated my decisions, relationships, and destiny? Gratitude. 

It’s not that I no longer feel those emotions or engage in the above actions. I totally do. I’m human. The only difference is that those emotions and actions are not what I call “home” anymore. Gratitude is.

I don’t like talking about gratitude because it seems so cliché. I think the term is overused, outplayed, and in many ways, like forgiveness, it can have this stigma of being almost unattainably “zen.”

I can’t NOT talk about gratitude though. It saved my life.

James Altucher wrote an amazing post on why gratitude is the ultimate miracle and how to exercise your gratitude muscle. I listened to his podcast this morning while I was getting ready. James was interviewing Elizabeth Smart. When she was just 14 years old, Elizabeth was kidnapped. She was taken from her own home at knifepoint and held captive for 9 months. Elizabeth was terrorized, abused and traumatized in unimaginable ways. However, the interview didn’t focus on every horrific detail of what she went through. It focused on exactly how she survived. 

What stood out to me the most was the fact that even in the most horrific circumstances, Elizabeth realized that in order to mentally, physically and emotionally survive, she had to focus on whatever microscopic thing she could to be grateful for.

In the scariest, most hopeless moments Elizabeth was able to find gratitude.

She discussed how gratitude was the only way she could create meaning, tap into strength that she never knew she had, survive the trauma and ultimately, thrive

Today is Thanksgiving and although it’s not celebrated everywhere in the world, this is the start of the holiday season.

The holidays are great, until they’re not.

Yeah, it’s the best time of the year but it can also be the most gut-wrenching.

Nothing highlights your breakup, heartbreak, loneliness, single-status, insecurities and disfunction more than the holidays.

And when it comes to gratitude, the holidays do a really good job of making us feel guilty for not exuding it in the merriest way possible.

If you’re alone, broken up with, heartbroken, scared, hopeless, powerless, option-less… whatever it may be, I wanted to write out a list of things to be grateful for so that you can create meaning, stand tall in your power, emotionally survive and ultimately thrive.

Gratitude. It really is THAT simple.

Here are 20 things to be grateful for no matter how alone you are or feel…

Gratitude List:

  • #1: If you’re alone, be grateful that you don’t have anyone cheating on you, lying to you, pulling the wool over your eyes, mind f*cking you, mixed-signaling you, drunk/high texting you or deflecting blame.

  • #2: Be thankful for the fact that you make your own emotional money. You are a person of high value and you produce your own emotional currency now. And because you know the value of your emotional dollar, you’re able to invest wisely. You never accept nor tie your value to disproportionate returns. And just like with literal dollars, because you have your own emotional riches, you don’t need to rely on anyone to “foot the bill.” Be grateful that you also know when to fold. You opt out of situations and relationships that are exclusively on your emotional dime (non-mutual).

  • #3: Even if you don’t have any true friendships, be grateful that you no longer have any more friendsh*ts. You’ve decided to flush the toilet instead of wasting your time spraying air freshener that never lasts over the crap that is a fake friend. Also, be grateful that you actually have the ability to flush and are no longer a slave to your disease to please.

  • #4: Give thanks for the knowingness that you are a person of high value. Be thankful that because you know how high your value is, you have no problem making a dignified exit on your white horse when you find yourself in friendsh*ts, relationsh*ts and situations that devalue you.

  • #5: Be grateful that you can you feel your feelings independent of reactivity. Feel a deep sense of gratitude for the fact that you’re a responder, never a batsh*t reactor. Response is rooted in action, reactivity is rooted in emotional impulse. 

  • #6: Be grateful for the f*cktards and the pain they have caused. I mean… it lead you here. You’re in a tribe made up of love, understanding, soul sisterhood, support and badassness.

  • #7: Be grateful that you aren’t the new girl he’s with because he will end up doing the same thing with her. Be grateful that you respect yourself enough to not engage in communication with anyone who participated in your dishonoring – whether it’s the holidays, a birthday or whatever it may be.

  • #8: Be grateful for the fact that you now allow people to own their own behavior, words and actions independent of your perceived lack of value. Thinking that it has something to do with you is not only reverse narcissistic, it negates reality – reality that you no longer choose to argue with.

  • #9: Be grateful that you can do the one thing your ex can’t: Speak with your actions.

  • #10: Be thankful for making the decision to be the adult you needed when you were younger and didn’t have.

  • #11: Be thankful that you’re never going to be anyone’s emotional training wheels ever again (!!).

  • #12: Be grateful that you no longer miss your wet bathing suit. You wore this bathing suit all day – you sweat in it, went to the pool in it, the ocean, the bar, the club… you went everywhere it in. When you finally got home, you realized how dirty it was, hung it up and decided to shower. Just because someone else came along while you were getting clean and mistook your wet bathing suit for it being new/fresh out of the wash, she/he is STILL wearing your wet, dirty, used, sweat-in bathing suit (the bathing suit = your ex). Been there, done that, unbothered.

  • #13: Be thankful for knowing that no matter what anyone does/says to you – good or bad – it’s a window into their perceived shortcomings, dysfunction and pain, not a knife into yours.

  • #14: Give thanks for your allergy to f*cktards, bullsh*t and petty gossip/drama.

  • #15: Be grateful for the red and pink flags. Even if you didn’t act on them right away, it’s better to be alone now than to be in a relationsh*t where you feel more isolated than literal aloneness.

  • #16: Be grateful for your privacy and your health. They are sacred.

  • #17: Be thankful that you’re using the disfunction of others to motivate you out of your own.

  • #18: Be thankful that you were his karma and he was your northern star.

  • #19: Be thankful that you are no longer wasting time shining your light on f*cktards and marveling at their illumination (as if they came to the relational table glowing).

  • #20: Be thankful for other people’s allergic reactions to your evolution. It’s a sign that you’re on the right path. Keep evolving and be kind along the way. The world will adjust.

Choose gratitude because gratitude is the only true emotional life raft there is.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you who celebrate! I am forever grateful for each and every one of you, all around the world.

Thank you for being a part of this tribe. Love you.

Keep a lookout for a big holiday giveaway coming soon 🙂

Natasha XOXO

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34 comments

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Was just thinking of you. I was hoping you were going to post another Thanksgiving post! AND YOU DID <3 Happy Thanksgiving Natasha.
So grateful to have come across your blog last year and I am grateful for every post this year that has helped me out.

xoxo

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Happy Thanksgiving, Natasha!!

I am so grateful for where I am today, and I can only imagine where I will be one, five, ten years from now!

You rock. xo

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I meant to say, where I am emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically….. I have been working tirelessly for the past 2 years to truly enlighten myself (not bullshit buzzword enlightenment — real, chain-breaking freedom), and I feel like I’m inhabiting another person’s body. That is how much progress I’ve made. And you have certainly helped me.

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I’m smiling from ear to ear and honored to have played even the smallest part in your healing <3 You are incredible Dana. Love you.

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Dana! Happy Thanksgiving 🙂 I’m so grateful for YOU.

Right back at you sister. Hope that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! xoxo

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Thank you again for this today. A year and a half and I still have my days. But, I’m getting stronger and learning how to be alone and okay with it. I never thought I would be at this point in my life but grateful for my blessings and knowing I will be okay alone no matter which route my life now takes me either in a relationship or just myself traveling.

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Hi Mia! I’m happy that the post helped 🙂 Isn’t that the best? Knowing that no matter what, you’ll be okay. I know that you will be MORE than okay. You’re never alone. It will continue to get better and better.

Your love, support and sisterhood mean everything to me. Sending you big love. XOX

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Happy Thanksgiving Tribe! Thankful to have found this site. It’s been a blessing.

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Happy Thanksgiving Ricki! I’m so thankful that you’re a part of it 🙂 XOXO

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I just wanted to say thank you for your honest, frank, kick ass blog, it’s helping me rediscover my self respect and dignity! You have no idea how much that means to me!

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Hi Paula! You have no idea how much your love and support mean to ME 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to comment and for being a part of this tribe! XO

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Very grateful for you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for teaching me how to be a strong woman. I know that I don’t know you and we have never met but I adore you.

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Kristie, the feeling is mutual 🙂 Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart for your sisterhood, support and love.

Thank you for affirming that I was/am never alone in feelings, thoughts and experiences that for so long, I felt extremely alone in.

Love to you soul sister. XOXO

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You are a blessing Natasha. On a day when I felt so lonely I am thankful for you and the tribe. 🌸😍

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Likewise 🙂 I am so grateful for you and your love. Thanks Linda! XOXO

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Wow! I felt like you were speaking straight to me! This has lifted me up at the end of a rough day! You are such a blessing! I’m learning so much about myself and starting to feel empowered by reading your posts!
I’m extra thankful for you and your willingness to share your wisdom on this Thanksgiving Day! My life is shifting because of you 😉

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Hi Janna! I’m so happy that the post served you and honored to help 🙂

I am just as grateful for you, your love, support, and for being a part of this tribe.

All my love to you soul sister. xx

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W O W. Out of all the amazing posts you have written, THIS one hit me right in the heart, to where I had to put my phone down and say a thankful prayer. Just earlier, I had a painful breakdown, tears streaming down my face as I clutched my baby. Seeing all the happy couples on thanksgiving, and even baby announcements, and here I am, a single mother, trying to heal. I felt hopeless, and unworthy, and replaceable. I’ll never understand how some people are so capable of inflicting so much pain, and not even think twice about it, but you’re right: it’s totally a projection and a reflection of the garbage human they are inside. Thank you, thank you, so so much for this, because I can lay down and sleep in peace tonight on this Thanksgiving night, with so much to be grateful for. God bless.

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Priscilla,

I am in tears. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to share. I’m happy that the post served you. Please know that you are loved, supported, understood, backed, believed in and never, ever alone. I am endlessly grateful for you sister. Sending you love and a big giant hug. XOXO

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This is beautiful, Natasha! There is true power in simplicity. These awesome things to be grateful for, that you write about, are sparkling jewels. Not a paper crown.
Love you xxx

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🙂 You are a gem. Thank you. I love you Lorelle! xxxx

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And I am forever grateful for you. My relationsh*t led me to you & your amazing tribe. Love you soul sister 💕

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Rebecca! My gratitude is endless for your relationsh*t – it allowed for us to meet, for you to realize your worth and to flush the sh*t that wasn’t serving you. I love you so much soul sis.

Grateful for you everyday. XX

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The tribe is eternally grateful for Natasha Adamo. Thank you for sharing your strength & wisdom, especially during the holiday season.

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In tears. My gratitude for you is limitless.

Hope that you had a Thanksgiving as wonderful as you are.

Love you sis. xx

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Hello again!
I commented yesterday but have just re read this when I woke up.
Although written in the spirit of Thanksgiving and in the holiday season that is upon us ( agreed! This time of the year is so good at magnifying the sadness and loneliness in life) – what really hit me is the way this article carries weight all year round.

It’s so illuminating to the fact, that, there’s a bright side to everything. Even on the daily.

Heartbroken because you were with someone who sucked you dry? VS isn’t it great to wake up and know you’ll never be emotionally run over again because you know your worth and have moved on.

Got some passively bitchy ‘friends ‘ who only like to talk about themselves unless it’s to subtly put you down? VS I’m so grateful my boundaries have a sensor system tha goes off to let me know when I’m with someone who doesn’t really care about me. (So I limit my exposure around them b3cause I know I deserve better and refuse to accept this low grade treatment).

Holidays give us space from everyday life, and therefore time to think and refocus. I think that we need to find a moment like that each day for ourselves too. On the ordinary days. And if in that moment, you feel sad, lonely, rejected, lost, hurt, used or ridiculed, realise that’s the gift. Find the other side of your pain, and illuminate that. Find the blessing, and illuminate that. It’s still hard some days, but most days in life are the ordinary kind. And you’re extradinary, so turn that pain on it’s head and GLOW. Bask in what you can appreciate. Self love rules all.

That’s what I got out of this post.
Thanks so much, Natasha !

💌🌹💌

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YES, YES, YES! I could not agree more or say it any better. Thank YOU for ILLUMINATING my posts with your love, light, wisdom and wonderfully old, incredibly beautiful soul. Love you Lorelle! XX

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Awwww xx you say such beautiful things, Natasha xx thank you xx ❤️

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I like to think of gratitude (along with non-reactivity) as the secret weapon of the white horse rider 😉

So thankful I get to add you and this beautiful tribe to my list of reasons to be grateful this year!

All my love,
Amy xx 💕

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I love that! could not have said it any better 🙂 Thanks Amy!

I feel the same way! So grateful for you, your love, compassion, empathy, sisterhood, friendship, kindness and support.

Love you soul sis! XO

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All I have to say is wow and thank you for always jerking me see things so Clear. I’m so grateful my pain led me to such an inspiring uplifting page with so much insite. I’m thankful to be on my own white horse now. I love you.

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Hi Natalie!! I’m so happy that the blog has helped 🙂 It’s such a great feeling when you can be grateful for the pain propelling you into healing, evolving, connecting with yourself and people who value you.

You are loved, valued, appreciated, empathized with, understood and never, ever alone. Thank you for being the light that you are and for being a part of this tribe. XOXO

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Thank you for filling me up today 🌷🌷🌷🌷

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Thank YOU Nicole – for your love, support, for being a part of this tribe and for being the light that you are. Sending you love sister. <3 xx

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