Emotional vampires are some of the most toxic people you will ever encounter.
Most emotional vampires are extremely passive through the way in which they withdraw your emotional blood.
Some do it subconsciously.
Just like with gaslighting, emotional vampires often do their work gradually. This way, they can reap the benefits of the cheapest means of manipulation, control, and a pseudo feeling of significance amidst an internal insecurity that is so deep, their emotional body cannot manufacture its own blood.
If it could, they wouldn’t need yours.
Looking back, it’s weird because no matter what the avenue of “blood withdrawal” was in past relationships, my instinct was conscious of the how emotionally drained, exhausted, depleted, and “not enough,” I always felt.
The problem was, I reverse-narcissistically took those feelings of depletion to mean that there was something wrong with me; that I had to work harder to be “good enough.” This disabled my ability to acknowledge that I was not only running on fumes, but that I had allowed the withdrawal/depletion in the name of my own delusion – seeing what I wanted to see.
I get frustrated when I see articles breaking down the obvious characteristics of emotional vampires. Not only is it pretty self-explanatory, but breaking down the obvious makes you that much more dumbfounded as to why you EVER got in the position of exposing your emotional neck to these people.
It’s okay though. We all have.
If you struggle with self-esteem and confidence, emotionally vampiric friends, lovers, family members, and co-workers will push your buttons and emotionally paralyze you while they de-pedestal you into their own personal doormat. As this happens, you feel more lifted, turned on, and special than ever before. Why? Remember, the worst relationships have the best MOMENTS because that’s all they can ever have – moments that are only elevated because of all the bullsh*t they are surrounded by.
If you eat moldy food every day and then once in a while, get a beautiful little macaron from Paris, the moment that you have that little macaron is going to be monumental. Not because it means that your diet is now balanced, but because the crap that you constantly eat surrounding the macaron moment, renders you THAT much more hungry for and appreciative of any little crumb that gets thrown your way.
I was talking to my Mom about some emotionally vampiric acquaintances and exes recently. She brought up a fantastic point:
Emotional vampires can be so appealing because they tap into your innate attraction to Hunter-Gatherers. The only problem is, they are hunting YOU. Don’t be the deer that feels special just because the hunter has its red laser light on it. Hunters HUNT. If they could connect and empathize with their prey, they wouldn’t shoot. The fact that the red laser light is on you has nothing to do with you being that much more noticeable or special than the other deer. It has everything to do with you STICKING AROUND LONG ENOUGH for the light to remain on YOU.
They say that sunlight will kill a literal vampire and I believe that this true for emotional ones. The only thing that will disable and disinterest emotional vampires is your light. And only you know where your amplifier is.
But how about when you find yourself in the darkness of your triggers?
What should you do when an emotionally vampiric fake friend or ex comes back into your life and apologizes?
Here’s what you need to know about emotional vampires and how to replenish your emotional blood…
Once you know the makeup of something, it’s much easier to disable the power that it has over you – whether it be your own triggers, fears, beliefs, getting over an ex, toxic people, weird relationships your partner may have, fake friends, addiction, failures, need for validation, lies, etc.
As far as emotional vampires go, I’m going to quickly break down the anatomy of their operation:
- Emotional vampires are one of the most insecure beings of the entire toxic species.
- Because they are so insecure, they have a never-ending need for validation, acknowledgment, and attention.
- Emotional vampires are masters at attention mongering. As they seek the validation that they so desperately need, they drain and invalidate others.
- Emotional vampires turn into convenient victims only when it selfishly serves them and propels their agenda.
- Their ass is literally jealous of the sh*t that comes out of their mouth.
- These people not only believe that they are not to blame for anything, but they truly feel that they can do no wrong and that there should not be any consequences for their actions.
- They feed off of the reactivity that they can elicit.
- They don’t know what to do when their ex does the one thing that they can’t – speaks with his/her actions and cuts his/her emotional costs.
- Emotional vampires are narcissistic and emotionally disconnected. Some can even be sociopathic.
- I always say that it’s better to have no idea who you are than to have a false sense of who you are. Emotional vampires have zero self-awareness and because of this, they lack connectivity, the ability to express true love, and are empathetically bankrupt.
- They are bullsh*t artists.
- Amidst their insecurities, emotional vampires are, at the core, extremely entitled. They feel like they have a right to your emotional blood – which is made up of your energy, spirit, soul, health, security, boundaries, and unique light.
I can honestly say that I have embodied nearly all of the above bullet points at one time or another in my life.
The only difference is, I had empathy and suffered from reverse narcissism (making the actions of the narcissistic person I was in a relationship with, all about how I wasn’t enough. However you slice and dice it, I was still making everything all about me).
And just like the emotional vampires felt entitled to drain my emotional blood, I felt “entitled” to allowing the drainage because I didn’t think highly enough of myself.
Here’s how to replenish your emotional blood and disable emotional vampires from busting your boundaries ever again:
– Understand that emotional vampires are just as thirsty for validation as the people they draw emotional blood from. Once you take the time to observe THEIR level of thirst, you’ll be able to quench your own.
– When you retaliate against your own abandonment issues and fear of being alone by cutting an emotionally vampiric lover/friend/ex off, understand that ALL you are losing is an illusion. This person will NEVER be able to empathize nor be aware of your pain, needs, and position. Remember who you are and what you are worth.
– If they ever do apologize, their apologies never include bringing up specifically what they did wrong. Most of the time, they don’t know exactly what you know. So instead of risking it, they just use whatever you’ve expressed in the past to make it seem like they understand.
– Emotional vampires are just a projection surface. And because they are never who they present themselves to be, they lack the ability to be authentic or real. Without authenticity, there is no trust and without trust, there.is.no.R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
– Emotional vampires have nothing that you want, need, or that would provide any real value or enrichment to your life.
– Just like you can’t turn a cat into a lion, you CANNOT change these people.
– Remember: we are ALL suffering from a terminal condition. It’s called LIFE. Always be aware that your time on this planet is limited. Your time is not a given, it’s a privilege. Focus on how you want to spend your life evolving, kicking ass, and delivering your unique gifts in the light of gratitude from lessons learned.
– Make the decision to stop wasting your time on people who embody nothing that you deserve, want or need. Yes, It will take time to heal, but you’re already on your way to healing or you wouldn’t still be reading this post.
That’s the replenishment of your emotional blood supply.
+ If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here.