For part 2 of my 3-part series on narcissism, I want to explore a question that I’ve gotten asked a lot since posting part 1. It’s a question that I’ve often wondered myself up until my last relationship, which was a PhD-level, mortal combat masterclass in emotional unavailability, f*cktard-ery and narcissism. EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE
So, you’re dating a guy that you’re inexplicably drawn to and in love with in so many ways; you just can’t get enough. You start to notice though that as much as you love to be with him, you’re feeling more hurt, disrespected and unhappy than you are actually happy and secure in your relationship.
You feel like the relationship is no longer mutual and you start to question if it ever was mutual, but
part of you every ounce of your being, would sooo much rather not have to think of this crap reality, and just continue to be an inhabitant in his “me-me-me” world, than be alone, again.
You’re pretty sure he’s emotionally unavailable, but he also kinda falls under a lot of the traits of a narcissist. F*cktard? Established. But which one is he? Emotionally Unavailable? Narcissist? Is it possible that he can be both??
Where does emotional unavailability end and narcissism begin?
Does emotionally unavailable = narcissist?
Help plz, thx.
Okay so we’ve already defined what a narcissist is. Got it.
In my grossly non-professional (I have a degree in English and have never taken one psych class in my life, so ya, TOTAL non-professional here), super duper “street cred,” opinion, I think that a lot of the traits associated with both a narcissist and an emotionally unavailable guy do indeed overlap, BUT… I do think there is a distinction.
YES. A lot of emotionally unavailable men are narcissists, but not all. The 2 don’t go so ‘peanut butter-and-jelly,’ as they would seem to.
Emotionally unavailable guys operate, date and live their lives so that they can do exactly as they please, while still maintaining an emotional distance that will not only drive you crazy, it will make you question your worth. They also have zero empathy; they’re unable to put themselves in other people’s shoes and they love being the victim.
Emotionally unavailable guys definitely possess narcissistic qualities, but not all.
Can you be both? Yes, but you can also be one and not the other. Stay with me, this is like the calculous portion of PMS.
Unlike a full-blown narcissist, emotionally unavailable guys aren’t really making it known how important they are every second, but just like narcissism, both are entirely ego driven.
Emotionally unavailable dudes rely strictly on triangulating women and using them as ego strokes. When they have to be accountable or responsible in the relationsh*t, they disappear, go cold for no reason or make such a change that you’ll be scouring Google like I was, trying to make sense out of his actions.
Bottom line: Emotionally unavailable guys ALWAYS make sure to have to have a few women around (whether they be friends or lovers or both), that they can use as options and attain validation from; that’s the most important thing to them.
The narcissist ALWAYS makes it known that you’re just lucky to be blessed with their presence.
Narcissists, in my opinion, are in their own species of delusion. “Reality,” is not in their vocab. Both emotionally unavailables and narcissists are, at the core, just as validation hungry and insecure as the people that they attract.
The moment that you recognize this is the moment that the dark cloud hanging over your head will disappear and the spell is broken. You will literally disempower your own bad luck.
This leads me into my the final post that I’ll have up on this issue, where I’ll talk about my own narcissism. Yikes.
I’m off to my hometown, San Diego, to be with my family and friends for Christmas!
Winners for the giveaway will be announced tonight. The Brow Gal & I are going to draw the winners from a bowl before I head out. We also decided to add on some extras for the runners-up because it’s the best time of year and you deserve it.
Ciao for now, N