Dealing with a breakup sucks.
Breakups are unbearably painful, scary, lonely, stagnation-inducing and addiction igniting.
Insecurity paralyzes us from being able to put one emotional foot in front of the other. So, we STALK, over think, relay the story to anything with a set of ears and obsess over every.little.detail of what was, 24/7.
And of course, we’re only interested in engaging in anything that will ultimately cater to and validate the belief system that got us into the relationsh*t in the first place: “I am not enough.”
As long as we have “proof” that we are indeed “not enough,” it’s a total license renewal to remain invested in the relationsh*t that was.
If you come from a place of emotional lack for yourself, you will ALWAYS attract partners and relationsh*ts that deal-breakingly, LACK.
& then… if you’re like I used to be, you’ll tie YOUR VALUE to THEIR LACK of character, connectivity, empathy, etc. (as if it didn’t exist before you were in the picture).
The most damaging part of addiction – whether it be emotional, behavioral or addiction to substance – is that it hibernates your instinct, disallows logic to be considered and amplifies your fear to the point of option-less, robotic-cruise-control submission.
Breakups are the most fertile ground for emotional addiction.
So HOW do you get clean?
Is there a way to get emotionally sober?
If you’re dealing with a breakup that has evolved into an emotional addiction which you feel completely powerless to, here are 5 steps to reclaim your power and reach emotional sobriety once and for all:
When it comes to emotional sobriety, realizations are KEY.
Dealing with a breakup – STEP #1:
Realize that when you decide to stop equating being needed with being wanted, you’ll no longer be subjected to the role of “emotional training wheels” for a grown adult. This also disallows you from becoming a professional launching pad and being labeled as the crazy psycho ex. Understand that the only way that the relationsh*t could have ever worked is if it was completely on your ex’s terms – and that’s no longer your cup of tea because that’s not MUTUAL.
Dealing with a breakup – STEP #2:
Understand that no breakup, person, circumstance or relationship can activate a belief system in you that you don’t breathe life into everyday. People can ONLY activate what you CHOOSE to give life to. I don’t choose to believe that I have a purple mustache, so if someone came up to me and said that I had an ugly purple mustache, I wouldn’t care to even look in a mirror. However, if there was even a small fraction of me that believed I may have ONE purple hair on my upper lip, I would run to the first mirror I saw after being told that my purple mustache was ugly. Make the choice right now to allow the identification of your ex’s bullsh*t to propel you out of your own.
Dealing with a breakup – STEP #3:
FEEL IT, DON’T FEED IT. It’s not only normal, it’s healthy to feel pain, sadness, heartbreak, anger and all the emotions associated with breaking up and loss. Without owning and feeling our pain, we wouldn’t be able to heal and reach indifference. What isn’t healthy, is allowing those feelings to manifest into poison that feeds the cancer of low self esteem (which sets you up for more poor decision making).
Dealing with a breakup – STEP #4:
Understand that whatever you see yourself as, you’ll become. I only saw myself as happy when I was with my ex and my identity had thus become the relationsh*t. So, after the breakup, my happiness and my identity were gone. You are so much more than a “please-complete-me,” advert whose happiness is solely derived from trying to emotionally resurrect empathetically bankrupt f*cktards.
Dealing with a breakup – STEP #5:
Realize that if you have to explain to a grown adult why their lack of empathy, integrity, respect and honesty was hurtful, they’re not going to EVER understand what you’re saying in the way that your heart hopes they will. If they were capable of that kind of empathetic connection, you wouldn’t be in this position of painful ambiguity, having to explain why something that was hurtful was indeed hurtful. Stop explaining, stop reacting and start realizing that everytime you miss your emotionally unavailable ex, it’s because in that moment, you’re choosing to deny reality for an emotional jerk off session with your projections.
The truth really does set you FREE. You are not alone. You have an entire tribe that GETS YOU, all around the world, reading these very words with you right now.
I’ve got some good posts coming your way this week + giveaways (!!) coming soon 🙂 Been busy working on video content, my book and so much more – ALL thanks to your support, encouragement and love.
I am forever grateful and in awe of your strength, beauty and badassness.
Love to you all.