I have this thing with organization. Not in an over the top, obtrusive and annoying way, but in a “this-is-how-I-maintain-sanity,” kind of way. I understand that my allergy to bullsh*t and clutter is my thing, so I never try to impose it on anyone else. It’s just how I personally like to roll. I’m a very de-cluttery, list-y person. I’d rather read a straightforward, to-the-point list than a novel of what I need to do ANY day of the week. There’s nothing like checking things off of a list, crossing things off (which is even more gratifying after checking something off), and feeling that sense of accomplishment, peace, and open SPACE that comes with de-cluttering. Out of all the coping skills, lists have proven to be extremely helpful for me.

One of my favorite stores is The Container Store. The sheer level of specificity they get into when tackling disorganization and clutter is not only impressive, it’s unmatched.

Every post that I write on this blog is in the hope of providing an emotional container store for us all. Not so that we CONTAIN emotions that need to be expressed, but so that we can better organize our emotions – get easier access to them, process them and then decide for ourselves if we want to express them through our words, actions or both.

Okay so back to LISTS. Here’s why I’m obsessed:

Lists give easy access to the most seemingly inaccessible, intimidating, daunting, “too-much-to-handle,” stuff that our fears are all too eager to brush under the rug.

Under the rug brushing happens due to issues that we ALL have with abandonment, fear, the disease to please, low self-esteem, rejection, heartbreak, FAILURE, anger, jealousy, judgment, resent, etc.

Under the rug brush enough times though, and the moment you get triggered by a toxic f*cktard person, just WATCH how the dust flies everywhere. You won’t be able to see with all the crap flying around (that you thought you had so masterfully contained).

And because you can’t see, you’ll start to rely on others to be your emotional eyes, ears and oxygen. You’ll end up being made to feel like an ineffective, dirty, ‘falsely advertised’ pariah – by no one more than yourself.

Like I’ve said in many posts before – the holidays are great, but they also have a way of highlighting the lack in your life to the point of resurrecting emotional paralysis and impulsive behavior. 

What are the coping skills? How do you deal with holidays that are manufactured to celebrate the joy of togetherness while also passively exploiting your loneliness?

So for this post (the post after this is going to be published this Friday 12/22 and will be announcing my HUGE holiday giveaway !!) and my New Years post, I wanted to keep it simple and write 2 very different LISTS. Lists that provide accessibility and sense amidst the emotional and physical chaos that this time of year brings.

I’ve said this before – the worst advice I’ve ever received: “It’s not that simple Natasha.” 

It really is that simple. You just have to stop allowing holiday triggers to disable your emotional intelligence and sight.

Coping skills, Dilemmas Decoded & Being Alone: Holiday Edition.

Here’s what you need to know…

As far as coping skills, dilemmas, heartbreak and being (or feeling) alone during the holidays and beyond, here are a few things to keep in mind that have helped me not only get through my loneliest holiday moments, but have initiated massive change in my life:

  • Self-love, self-esteem, and self-care are not just about buying yourself a gift, getting gifts for others, volunteering, getting into the holiday spirit by allowing yourself to indulge in yummy foods, booking a massage/blowout/spray tan and a mani/pedi for yourself. I am a huge fan of all the above, HOWEVER… The root of all coping skills; the foundation of all self-love, self-esteem, self-care, and mastery of your life is about self-awareness. It’s RECOGNIZING who you are, ACCEPTING that good or bad, everything is temporary, and ALLOWING yourself permission to just.f*cking.BE. When you do this, you will finally be able to establish boundaries without the anchor of guilt. You’re then able to say NO through your dignified actions. And because of this, you exclusively stand in your power – you know your worth. The title to the movie of your life is no longer: “Bright Light With Potential Dimmed by F*ckatrds, Holidays, Friendsh*ts & Relationsh*ts.” Yawn. No one wants to see that movie. REMEMBER: You are NOT that thirsty (it’s a bad look). And NO water well is ever as full as your own.
  • The holidays are ALL about nostalgia and that’s great. It’s what makes this time of year so magical. Just make sure you don’t allow emotional nostalgia to infiltrate to the point that you ever condone anyone’s dishonoring of you by re-engaging/responding/gift giving, in light of “the holiday spirit.” Tomorrow won’t be a holiday and you’ll be left with a regret hangover without the life raft of dignity to keep you afloat.
  • There is no need to text, call or send a card/gift to anyone who disrespected you, hurt you, lied to you, broke your trust, and consistently devalued you. It’s JUST a holiday. It will pass. What won’t pass is the fact that they sh*t the emotional bed. Holidays don’t have the power to emotionally potty train f*cktard people nor SHOULD they have the power to give you selective amnesia.
  • I saw this quote on Instagram last week and it stopped me in my tracks. Not because it was some “aha! Moment,” revolutionary concept, but because I think it’s what we all want to believe deep down: “Somewhere, someone is searching for you in every person they meet.” I’d like to add to it if I could? Here’s my version: “Somewhere, someone is searching for you in every person they meet and guess what? They.can’t.find.YOU. Why? Because there’s only ONE of you on this planet. And until you see your value, no one else will see it. They’ll just exploit the fact that you’re blind to it. This year, decide to give yourself the gift of knowing your worth (and acting in accordance with that knowingness).
  • The more you look for an eraser, the more highlighters you’ll find. Especially during the holidays. Feel your feelings without impulsively acting on them and you’ll immediately regain your power. It’s the only way to expedite a pain contraction.
  • Instead of focusing on who’s not texting/calling you, keep your focus on who YOU AREN’T texting/calling and WHY.
  • Use the holidays to take a good look at your family, friends who are like family… any and everyone you love. Think of the person who you love the most in this world. Now, I want you to do this: Think about if that person passed away tomorrow. Who are the people you would be angry at? Who would you be mad at for taking your emotional/physical time away from this person that you love with all your heart? Who would you be upset with for mistreating them or you? Make a list of these people, check it twice and vow to create emotional and/or physical distance from the vampires. My Mother’s cancer taught me to do this and it’s changed my life. It’s also allowed me to separate friendships with what I now call “acquaintance-ships.” I’ve got a hell of a lot more acquaintance-ships because just like true love, true friendship is just as rare.
  • Just because your ex isn’t calling you, it doesn’t mean that they’re not thinking of you. They may know that by reaching out, they would be reasonably expected to do 4 things that goes beyond their emotional range: be honest, accountable, empathetic and responsible. And that’s okay. Remember – they have nothing new to say. And there’s really nothing they could EVER say that would give their actions justification or you better closure than you can provide for yourself. Right now. 
  • You don’t have to text anyone back in the name of holiday cheer. If texting back would cost you in any way or feel like a self-betrayal on ANY level… it’s too expensive. Know when to fold.
  • Holidays, successes, failures, diagnoses, accomplishments, weddings, big events, etc., will truly show you who the people around you are and what they’re about if you allow it. The only way to get the most out of this observation is by recognizing the insanity of making other people’s behavior about you. Never react, ALWAYS respond. The denominator of reactivity is emotion; the denominator of response is ACTION.
  • Understand that true love and a mutual relationship did not hurt you. Someone who didn’t know how to love themselves and who lacked the necessary equipment to be in a mutual relationship hurt you. There’s a difference. Confusing the 2 in the name of emotional holiday nostalgia does nothing more than translate to the universe that the gift you’re most comfortable giving yourself is misery. And what’s more painful (and destructive) than a contradiction? Give yourself the gift of cleaning up the contradictions in your life and just saying no to contradictory people.

Lastly, if you feel alone during the holidays – whether you’re in a crowd of 100 people feeling more alone than ever or if you’re physically alone, just know that you have family right here, reading these words with you right now – All over the world.

ps. THIS FRIDAY (12/22) I’m announcing my big holiday giveaway here on the blog so stay tuned ? It’s insane. I’m already jealous of the winners (yes, there will be multiple).

Love you so.

Natasha x

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87 comments

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Honestly the looking at yourself part has been the hardest for me. After a year cleanse from relationships and healing I can truly say that self love and self empathy is so key. During this holiday season it’s really hard for me because of my family situation so it tends to feel lonely but this is the first year I don’t. I believe it’s the combo of therapy, your blog and self compassion. To anyone that feels alone and broken you’re going to not feel that way and some day soon. ❤️

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That is SO TRUE Lauren 🙂 Thank you for sharing – I am so happy for you, proud of you and honored to have helped. Sending you love soul sis. XO

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Merry Christmas! I read all your blogs.. they’ve helped more than you’ll ever know ❤❤

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Hi Catherine! 🙂 Thank you! I’m so happy that the posts have helped. Your love and support means more than words will ever be able to express. Merry Christmas! xoxo

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I love you! Thank you for another amazing, life changing post. I am forever grateful to you and to the universe for helping me find you.

Happy Holiday’s Guru Natasha. 🙂 Big Hugs to you!

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Thanks Kristie! I love you too!! The gratitude is all mine. Happy Holidays sister 🙂 xx

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@Lauren Well said. I am happy to hear that others already found their way to themselves and what you said is so true. I am far from being confident and loving myself but everytime I do it is an amazing feeling and I know it is THE key!

Natasha I think for many this blogpost was right on time – Still a few days till Christmas but early enough to program the brain not to reach out – for reasons!!
Thank you so much and reminding me that I am not alone!

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You are loved, supported, understood and never, EVER alone Joy. I’m so happy that the post helped 🙂 xx

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Thank you!

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🙂 XO

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Since thanksgiving it has been brutal trying to put the thoughts, emotions, pain and memories in perspective and not lose my shit in the process. Yes, there have been some tears and even anger when I think about all the crap that’s happened this past year. The plans that were made, broken promises, broken heart, etc. But I have somehow managed to keep moving forward and keep my dignity and self respect in tact. I have said this before Natasha that your posts have been a blessing for me and countless others around the world in wanting all of us to see how beautiful and special each one of us is. You are correct, there will only ever be 1 of us in this universe and we deserve to live a life of love and fulfillment with the people that appreciate us for who we are.

Thank you again Natasha and being our inner voice when we need to hear it the most and for sharing your love and light with all of us!!

Namaste beautiful soul sister… my cup runneth over.

xxxxxxx

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Vicki, thank you for sharing your compassion, love, emotions, journey, and light with us ALL. I’m glad that the post helped and as always, sending big love and hugs your way. Happy Holidays to you sister. xx

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The holidays are getting to me. I feel so sad, hollow and alone but I am also feeling an inner strength beginning to brew. I received a nice text from my previous compulsive liar bf yesterday and chose to ignore the man who disrespected and dishonored me 5 years ago. I see no point in engaging with him so that he can feel better. Even still, this time of year is brutal on the broken hearts. I am working hard on not staying in the pity place and self loathing place or even the place of regrets and trying to focus more on gratitude. And I deserve so much more state of mind. The blog propells me and inspires me and I am in such gratitude that I found you Natasha. This blog is a gift. You are honestly saving me in these dark days and for that I thank you.
Happy Holidays. Love and light to you all.

SP

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much love to you too Sonja. may you have a blessed holiday.

xxxxx

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<3 xoxo

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Happy holidays to you too Sonja – You are loved, believed in, backed by us all, and never alone in any of this (or ever!). Thinking of and miss you. xo

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you’re amazing. you’ve helped me out of the hardest, darkest, and most selfish times in my life. your words are beyond wisdom and the knowledge you share is truly life changing. love all your posts so much. CANT WAIT FOR YOUR BOOK
xoxo <3

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Madeline – I am in tears. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m so happy and honored to have helped 🙂 Happy holidays to you sister. XOXO

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Took a break from studying and binge read all of the posts I missed! I don’t know how else to say that you really have instilled such wisdom in me. I’m now able to reject and drop people who have engaged in my disrespecting or dishonoring with no hesitation. *throws deuces* loll You are so amazing at what you do, knowing how to be gentle but also knowing how to PUSH us to face reality while keeping our dignity in tact. Happy Holidays !!! Much love xoxo

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Bria! Thank you 🙂 I love you so much sister and am endlessly grateful for you. Happy Holidays to you too! XOX

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BRIA…..”Binge Read” ….. lol…..I’ve been doing a lot of binge reading here for… for…my sanity and inspiration.

To the rest of you lovely beings….thank you. Obviously I can’t stand that we find ourselves in this place but it is a little comforting to know I am not alone. I wander the streets of LA feeling so broken and discarded. Your healing is helping me. Your strength and positive energy is felt. Thank you all for sharing. It helps.
….Thank you Vicki for you kind words.

Sonja

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Crying my eyes out over here. I love seeing this LOVE and SUPPORT.

Love you ladies xo

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‘This year, decide to give yourself the gift of knowing your worth (and acting in accordance with that knowingness).’

That’s beautiful wisdom. If all people could do this, our world would be a very different place. Such a beautiful quote off you, Natasha. ?

Merry Christmas to the tribe xx Love. Peace. Hugs. Hope. Faith. Blessings. ⭐️?⭐️

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Merry Christmas Lorelle.
Peace. Love and light to you and all the tribe here.
xxxx

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Oh thank you, Vicki! And sending you love back, and wonderful wishes for the new year. Blessings ⭐️?⭐️

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Merry Christmas my beautiful friend 🙂 I’m so happy to have met you this year!

We are all very grateful for the light you have shed with all the compassion, empathy and love in your heart. Love you. XX

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Ohhhh! I’m so lucky to have found you….Merry Christmas to you also and blessings for love and peace.
2018 is going to be YOUR year! The Year of the BOOK!
? ???

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🙂 ditto!

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Oh my goodness I have stumbled across a gem!! I’m so glad I discovered your blog! I found you after I googled “Does he miss me?!” Your article on that was like sitting down with a very close and highly insightful gal pal! You are exactly what I need in my life right now! ?

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Hi Susan! Thank you! I cannot tell you how happy that makes me to hear 🙂 Sending you BIG love and hugs. xoxo

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Natasha, your articles help me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The pain runs so deeply. I have been on the white horse for 6 weeks now. He hasn’t reached out, I haven’t heard one.single.word from him. I know the point of NC is NOT to arouse a reaction and to refocus on yourself but still, it hurts so badly. On our last phone call we made it clear we wouldn’t contact each other for our well being and sanity, he was crying like a baby, claiming all the other girls disgust him. Yet the next day, thanks to my social media stalking skills (that I’m really NOT proud of…) I learn that he’s already seeing another girl. WTF?! The guy who was weeping on the phone and telling me he loved me has ALREADY replaced me? He is a joke. Probably never ever loved me, his ability to discard me from his life and move on with another girl is astonishing. I just wish the love I have for him would fade away…. Anyways, I printed a large number of your posts, I read them every morning, whenever I’m hopeless or even when I’m more positive to keep me going. I cannot thank you enough. You saved me, yes I have been feeling suicidal, I just can’t cope with the abandonment aka my deepest wound. I will survive though, you give me faith.I don’t want to sacrifice my life for a miserable person unworthy of my love. I just think it’s CRAZY how someone pretended they loved you so much when they can walk away so easily. He doesn’t care, never did, it was all lies….
Needless to say, I CANNOT wait for your book.
Thank you so much queen, you’re a role model.

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Nina I am going through something so simlar! I know the pain well and I still havent resolved it somehow.. id love to talk to you!

And Natasha, obviously, you rock girl. ❤️

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I love seeing this LOVE, sisterhood and support 🙂

Right back at you Anja! XO

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Nina, I wish that I could come over, bring you some hot mint tea, give you the biggest hug and tell you how deeply I know where you are at and how you are feeling. We are going to make a deal: I need you to do this for me – take it MINUTE by MINUTE, know that you are never alone, and please know how much I love and believe in you. Believe in my belief in you – because I do – with all of my heart.

If I can get through it, so.can.YOU.

I love you sister – Thank you for being you. I cannot wait for you to read the book, but more importantly, to meet you in person one day. xo

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Nina,

BELIEVE in her belief in you. She means it. Take her deal – minute by minute and I PROMISE YOU, you will not only come out of the fog, you will soar. You are not suicidal (I don’t mean that insensitively, I’m saying I see such light in you, pushing you to see it) …. that’s just not you anymore. You are strong and brave and resilient. If you find yourself desperate COME HERE for support! You are loved, Nina!

To quote the brave beautiful you “I don’t want to sacrifice my life for a miserable person unworthy of my love.” Yes!!! Amazing insight! You know your truth, now you just have to embrace and live in it. I know it’s so hard; but you are miles ahead of where you think you are.

Sounds like his decisions are based on selfishness and impulse …. I think you should consider yourself a SURVIVOR based on his actions. You escaped! I KNOW it’s so hard to see him moving on….. but really…. is he!? He seems empty to me. Like he’s just quickly filling the hole that you left with whomever. I think such a person who has such a deep hole isn’t worthy of the beauty and light that you are. He’s just scrambling to make you jealous; he’s trying to appear to be happy and whole. But you know what…… you have the chance to actually BE happy and whole

What are you gonna DO, girl!?

EVERYTHING that makes you feel like a WHOLE person all by yourself. That’s what.

Your life needs to revolve around growing and nurturing YOURSELF. Forget him for a minute and be the best you you can be, and I PROMISE he will fade into the background of your awesomeness and you willl come to that place where all of this is a “moo point”. It’s like a cow’s opinion mooooo. (Please telll me the Friends jokes still work. I’m showin my age…. ummmm wisdom!? Lol.)

Nina, just be yourself, unapologetically. Let him go. However you can. He is not worth your heart forever…. someone IS. Maybe room in your heart, leave space for that man. Xo

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*Make room in your heart … not maybe…

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<3 xoxo

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Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I just don’t think I can take it anymore. It has now been 9 weeks of NC and the pain is only growing. Christmas passed without a word from him, then NYE…. today was my birthday and crickets…. I know, I know so well I should not be hoping for anything anymore and it’s absurd to do so, I can’t help it though. I have tried to distract my mind, tried to surround myself with positive energy, I travelled to India for a few weeks, but I’m a hot mess I ended up crying in front of my family the other day, which is something I would never do in my normal state. I can’t hold the tears anymore. I can’t pretend anymore. I even sought professional help, I keep coming back to the blog every single day (or more like hour).Yet, I’m becoming a shell of myself. No matter how toxic the relationship and the person were, I was at my happiest with him. I don’t see hope, I don’t want anything for my future. The void he left and the way everything happened are just too much for me. I honestly can’t take it. It has been 8 months since the official breakup. He is still with his new girl, posting pictures taking cocaine with her on Tumblr. how pathetic. and yet I’m there, months later, still waiting for him to show me that I was worth something, so I can start living again. He does not owe me anything as an ex but not hearing from him on my birthday, my special day, has seriously destroyed me. I was secretly waiting for this date for him to come back. I’ve never hated myself so much, I just want this to end.

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I’ve fallen back into my old habits when it comes to feeling lonely/missing my ex and this helped me so! You always know exactly what to say Natasha! <3

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So happy it helped! 🙂 XOXO

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Hello Natasha.
I thank you for you great post because I am in need of coping skills but especially right now. I hate the holidays but his year is the worst. You give me hope and wisdom. You are the best gift anyone could hope to receive anytime of year but the Christmas holiday always compounds and shows me what I do not have. The pain has been very raw but like you say I can’t get caught up in the nostalgia of it all and that because he has not called does not mean he is not thinking of me. As you have said he has no capacity for empathy or compassion and was not capable of love. There is only one me and I will try to remember that. I will read this blog probably 3 times a day for a while to feed myself. Thank you so much for making me not be alone. Thank you also to the tribe. All you ladies write something I am feelin or have felt. The loneliness, the walking around feeling like I am truly alone I this world, the questioning of myself and hating me. It’s so rough but we have this sanctuary thank God!!!!
Nina I have bee no contact since July 31st and I also fail to understand how people can abandon a person and hurt them and just. I’ve on with their lifeI too say WTF??!!! These guys are not worthy of our whole hearted love so too bad for them. Just take a minute at a time and remember all that Natasha gives us. Knowledge and power and encouragement to stay silent on our white horses.
To say Merry Christmas to all of you is a little hard given all of our circumstances so I will say that I appreciate all of your stories and sharing and I hope the holidays are whatever you want them to be. It’s one day ! Make it about you and not about any of these idiots!!! They deserve nothing!!!
Natasha I love you and I wish you a happy Christmas and a New Year full of blessings. ??????

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Linda, despite hurting and feeling so emotionally vulnerable right now, you come here and wish beautiful things for others, give thanks and show gratitude and you also displayed what great wisdom you have learned from this beautiful blog of Natasha’s. ?

You’re pure love! Keep the faith and keep reading these articles over the coming days. It’s just ONE day. ( even if it feels like one F***ing never ending day!)

Buy yourself some treats. Practise self love. Stay on your beautiful white horse ….you will not fall off and send or reply to texts from people who aren’t good enough for you.
Keep coming here. This IS a tribe. You’ll find solace, love, wisdom and people who genuinely care. ?

The best thing about what you wrote, was you can identify where you’re at – acknowledge and FEEL it. That’s powerful because it’s clarity personified. You accept yourself. You respect yourself. You are in the moment. That’s powerful stuff.

Keep the faith. You have been through the worst of it. Stay on your horse. Just TRUST. You’ll get through it. All of it. Believe. In yourself. You are worth believing in. Oh my, you came here to send love! Not everyone can give when they are feeling lonely, in pain and vulnerable. ?

You and your white horse will travel through that one day. It will be like riding quietly in the soft moonlight. You’ll see the dawn wake up the new day and as you see the sunlight wake up the world, you’ll know darkness never really existed. Because YOU are pure light. You have nothing to be afraid of. You are shining because you stand in your own power.

Much love to you, and I’m sending you some summer sunshine from Australia. Hugs xx ?❤️?

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Preach Lorelle. Right on soul sister!! Couldnt agree more with everything you said. YOU are also light and love and bring your wisdom and blessings to this tribe here.
Respect and love.
xxxx

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Awww thank you so much, Vicki!!!! ?. You are sending so much love to the tribe on this thread. What a sweet, loving and kind soul you are! You GET it!
You are full of self empowerment and you are able to empathise with others. That’s a beautiful and nurturing quality. ❤️

It’s Christmas Eve here in Australia – I’m going to come here tomorrow and message everyone! We should all do it.
So come here tomorrow – I’ll be sending Australian Christmas sunshine to you all!

Love and hugs to you sweet Vicki. Bless xx ❤️?❤️

Lorelle you are a gem and beautiful soul. Thank you for those kind words… i was in tears. Its amazing how so many of us from all over the world were brought here to this site.. looking for answers to our pain and broken hearts. So many of the answers we seek were already inside us. The love was always there deep within us even when we forgot for awhile. People like you and Natasha remind us of that. ❤❤
Have a blessed holiday my friend.
Love..hugs and prayers.
xxxxx ?❤?❤

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Vicki – you, Lorelle and I NEED to get dinner on me someday soon 🙂 x

I would love that! Just yell me when. I honestly hope i do get to meet you both one day soon. Natasha even though we’e never met somehow feel as if i have known you my whole life based on so many of your posts. I could have written them myself. The universe truly does give you back what you put out there..and it gave us you Natasha. You opened your heart and soul to us and shared your experiences with us. Good or bad you brought us together on this blog to be there for esch other and share our love and light around the world. This blog has been a gift my sister. Truly.
When i do get to meet you im going to give you the biggest hug ever. I hope you have a beautiful holiday with loved ones my friend. Your mom must be so proud of you. Blessings to you both.
Love you girl. ❤❤??

I look so forward to that day 🙂 I’m once again crying tears of such appreciation, joy and gratitude for you and this tribe. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Vicki. I showed my Mom your beautiful comment and it was the best gift you could have given us both. BIGGEST HIG EVER right back at you sister. Love you. xx

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Thank you Lorelei so very much for your beautiful words of encouragement. I am wiping my tears away. I am very touched that you took the time to comment and speak so kindly. Me and my horse are trying. It is a long journey but I know I cannot turn back. I have read your replies to Natasha many times and your light shines bright. You are always so right on target. I hope we all grow stronger and can continue to give to each other. I think we will remain powerful if we do so.
You are right about the holiday being one day and truly the next day all goes back to what it was in the world. There is always dark chocolate and working out to depend on as well?
Thank you for your warm thoughts. I am freezing in Sacramento California. It was 32 this morning. Not my time of year. Have a wonderful holiday and peaceful NewYear. I will continue to read your comments as well. Thank you again and I wish you all good things. ???☀️

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Hello Linda! Oh wow 32 degrees! Does that mean snow? ?❄️☃️
Ohhh! That would be awesome- like a white Christmas. A ‘movie’ Christmas! Can you tell I’ve never had a white Christmas? We have summer, barbecues, beaches, long hot days and balmy nights at Christmas time here. And we cook these big traditional turkeys, roasts and ham dinners and eat hot plum pudding with custard for dessert even though it’s already hot outside – lol!

I’m so happy you read my reply to you. I know you are going to get through everything and you’ll be like a beautiful rose bush at the end of it. New growth everywhere, branches shooting out that are strong and covered in heavenly roses. You’ll bloom and people will look at you and say ‘what a beautiful girl – she’s gorgeous’ (cause you ARE!)

You’re growing stronger everyday. Did you know that when a bone breaks it becomes stronger when it heals?
That’s what’s happens to broken hearts too. ❤️ Practice self love. It is insurance for the soul. It helps protect you.

I’ll message again tomorrow. Big hugs to you Linda. You’re a rose. Remember that!!!! ???

Merry Christmas Lorelle!! Oh my gosh. Was s happy to come here today and see your comment?
It Christmas Eve and I. Counting the minutes until It is all over. I did retail therapy today and it was good.
I hope your holiday is turning out wonderful. I wish you all good things. Thank you again for your touch g words. I wish I could say it’s warm here too but still cold and gloomy but I have Natasha and all of the kind words on this blog to wam my heart.
Merry Christmas to the beautiful tribe ?☃️? May you all be blessed with amazing things next year. ?

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I love this.

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Seeing this kind of support and love is what I live for. XOXO

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Cheers cheers to the Tribe! Where else can one find such solidarity and encouragement online these days!? Natasha, you have created such a safe and yet free space here. LOVE this post, love you ladies from afar, and love this positive energy. You are NOT ALONE. And you WILL get out of this hole if you follow Natasha’s advice. Even if it’s just baby steps. Just do the next right thing or if that’s too much, just resist the next moment of weakness …. you are strong, you will grow in strength and resilience with every single step forward and you’ve got this sister.

This part….

They may know that by reaching out, they would be reasonably expected to do 4 things that goes beyond their emotional range: be honest, accountable, empathetic and responsible. And that’s okay. Remember – they have nothing new to say. And there’s really nothing they could EVER say that would give their actions justification or you better closure than you can provide for yourself. Right now.

Ya know, that’s my closure I’ve been waiting for, for a whole year. That is the WHY I’ve been stifling and trying to ignore/ figure out and just get past and forget while reading your amazing posts (why did he disappear, why hasn’t he reached out, how could he just FORGET ME after telling me I’m like sunshine, light he wanted to absorb (red flag in hindsight – he was a dark hole) and he doesn’t spark with anyone else like he does with me…. I believe that line but that says more ab HIM and what he attracts. You taught me that.)

So back to WHY!? Why did I suffer in silence for a whole year (stayed on my white horse sometimes only by sheer grit, reading your posts late at night)!? Because he CANNOT do 1,2,3, OR 4. Ohhhhhh! I mean you’ve said it before Natasha, but the way you said it here just totally freed me. He will never be able to do this, even as a halfa$$ “I’ve moved on” apology. EVER. Bye!!!! (I think my white horse just started galloping lol). I’m laughing…. !? This is new.

I hope this gives someone HOPE. Xo

KP,

I am crying the best kind of tears – tears of endless joy, appreciation and gratitude for you and the light that you are. Your words are healing and will help more people than you could imagine. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You go girl.

Sending you so much love. XOXO

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Linda, I am speechless. Your love is the gift that truly keeps on giving. Thank you so much for taking the time to share and shine your beautiful, HEALING light.

You are loved, adored, missed, supported and not alone in any of these emotions – I love you with all my heart.

Wishing you a warm, peaceful Christmas. You are appreciated beyond measure. XO

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Merry Christmas to the beautiful angel Natasha ? I thank you for EVERYTHING you have put forth here. Your experiences of emotional pain and wisdom brought us all here. You should be so proud of yourself and be at peace knowing that you give us all hope and inspiration and strength. Anyone can start a blog or write to no end but not everyone can give it meaning and truth as you have. I have questioned many of the books and other literature out there and stopped reading in the middle more times than not. NEVER with your words and I doubt I will. May you be blessed always. Thank you because I think I would be much sadder and hurt without this place. Especially today. No nostalgia just the tribe for me.
I love you Natasha sending you big hugs ? and hope someday we can share tea and good conversation. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year??????

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Hi Natasha,

I found you at the beginning of 2017 when I was at my lowest and read and reread close to all of your blogs. They helped instill so much of what I didn’t understand or even know, such as the difference between reacting and responding and their affects. Your words are so crystal clear that I had one aha moment after another. You have gift that gives so much. I have turned my life around with the help of your words, a life coach, and EMDR therapy. I put responding (not reacting) in practice today, however, not the first time, as it will be ongoing. Thought I might be in the clear of holiday drama, but no. Holidays give my ex all the reason to create it (we share a daughter). So, it seems I will be alone most of the weekend now and to take care of myself (self love), I literally just purchased 4 of your beauty hacks all on Amazon. Should be here Sat. and I can’t wait to try them out (I have a major dry skin issue) and read the book, When Things Fall Apart. Thank you for making me feel that I’m not alone and helping to keep me on my white horse. Happy holidays.

Love,

April

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Hi April! Thank you for taking the time to share. I’m all smiles – so grateful for you and honored to have helped. Please let me know how you like the products! 🙂 Happy Holidays to you too fellow white horse rider/soul sister. XOXO

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I needed this today. Natasha, you have helped more than you will ever know…until I found your blog, I was letting a toxic guy and the fact that he moved on to a new girl a few weeks after we broke up control how I felt about myself.

I’ve been doing well, but Christmas break and the holidays brought back a lot of emotions and missing who I thought he was. Thank you for the reminders- he won’t reach out because he isn’t capable of doing anything but running from his problems – he wouldn’t want to actually change himself, after all!

Merry Christmas!! Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for all you do. I’ve been able to stay on my white horse this college semester and not give in. That wouldn’t have happened if not for you. So much love.

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Hi Hannah! Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart for your love and support. I’m so happy to have helped 🙂 You are loved and believed in – YOU GOT THIS!

Merry Christmas sister! XO

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This has been a horrible year for me. Recently, with an unforeseen breakup, it put me over the edge. Everything bad that happened in 2017 came crashing down on me and I lost it. And at the top of everything was the fact that I had lost him. I didn’t get out of bed for two days. I have a teenage daughter and couldn’t even keep it together in front of her….something I’m not proud of. I’m still trying to cope. Still trying to get through the holidays without thinking of “him” with “her”. It’s very hard. I googled ways to help heal quickly and how to get over a broken heart. I came upon you. I can’t explain it….but you have helped me more than I could even imagine. Granted, I’m definitely no where being completely healed. It just happened. I wish I could fast forward time to make it easier for me. But until I can get through a day without having a breakdown, I have your blog that I can go to at any time and read. In that moment, I feel better and feel as if I can beat this. Thank you for that.

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Hi Gina! 🙂 I’m so glad that you ended up here – you are loved, supported, backed, believed in, and never alone. I am honored to have helped. Thank YOU for taking the time to share. xx

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“Understand that true love and a mutual relationship did not hurt you. Someone who didn’t know how to love themselves and who lacked the necessary equipment to be in a mutual relationship hurt you. There’s a difference.”

Thank you. I really, really needed to hear this.

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That’s a great quote, I agree, Tom.
There aren’t many men who comment here. It’s great you did though. We all read what others write. It’s a collective, shared wisdom.

Keep the faith, Tom. You are a man who knows what he wants. Somewhere, out there, right now, is a beautiful soul who will cross your path in the future. She will love you back, the way you deserve. The world needs good men like you. Thank you!

Don’t change, you are setting the standard. Xxx ????

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🙂 YES. Thanks Lorelle! x

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Why thank you. I know that the pain will subside in time -it’s just that when you want the world with someone and all you get is a grain of sand, it’s hard not to feel like the skies have crashed down upon your head. Patience is a valuable skill, as is the understanding that YOU aren’t over just because the relationship is.
Thank you again, ladies. Trust me when I tell you that men go through the same things you do when it comes to matters of the heart. Stay strong.

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I could not agree more. Thank you so much for sharing Tom, and for being a part of this tribe. I have more male clients right now than I do female. Thank you for reminding us and affirming that these kind of experiences, emotions and feelings don’t discriminate. You are loved, supported, believed in and appreciated.

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Of course. I’m so happy to help 🙂 Thanks Tom.

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Merry Christmas to all my fellow tribe mates here. I wish I could hug every one of you … all of your stories make me sad, but also brings me some comfort knowing I am never alone with my thoughts and feelings. We have all been thru our own pain in our lives and I can relate to each one of you…. sending you all love, light and peace this holiday.
Cheers!!
#whitehorsewarriors
xxxxx

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THAT HASHTAG IS EVERYTHING!! We so ARE 🙂

I could not have said it any better – Merry Christmas 🙂 xxxx

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Your blog has been a real gift for me! my boyfriend and father of our two children broke up with me this year. It’s was all about me lacking qualities in his eyes. But when I think about the past year: all the things he did and -above all – didn’t do also played a huge role in the development of our relationship. I’m working on my issues, he says his only flaw is that he couldn’t cope with mine (lol). After three months he already found another girl. Posts things on instagram with #truelove and he has even invited her over when OUR children were home. It was hard enough coping when it was just us, but now it’s even more complicated. The other girl also has a child and -according to social media (i plead guilty)- just got out of an relationship of more than 7 years. Is it just me or does this have rebound written all over it? The thing that bothers me the most though is that i still make it about me..It hurts me so much that it seams like he just doesn’t care about losing me and our family. Why was i not enough? Why didn’t he fight for us? How can he just choose another girl and portrait that as love? Your blogs are teaching me that i need to have more self love, see him for who he really is and that i need to get on my white horse and stay on it. It’s so tempting to jump off and to ask him questions, tell him what i think and how he is hurting me (i must confess: i have done that more than once, the FBI would be proud of my skills). It’s all a learning experience and i’m getting more and more aware of the fact that this lesson is a blessing is disguise. Otherwise i wouldn’t have been able to stop the negativity and now i’m so much more aware of all the positivity there is if you choose to see it. So thank you for helping me heal, i wish you all the best for the holidays! Love, Daniëlle

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Hi Danielle,

Your comment made me think of a quote I came across recently: You are never “not enough.” You are always “so much more than.” Sending you much love this holiday season. xx

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Thank you Amy for sharing that beautiful quote! xx

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Such a beautiful quote. Thanks for sharing 🙂 Happy holidays to you sister. xx

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Danielle- YOU ARE ENOUGH. ❤️
Yes, this has got ‘rebound’ written all over it. I cannot believe those things he said to you. What an egotistical piece of work.
I’m struggling to write to you here, I’m quite lost for words. I’m so glad you found this blog though. You will LOVE what you find here.
YOU ARE ENOUGH, Danielle. Too good for him. You’re a good mother too, that is #truelove. No need to instagram true love – it’s what you DO and GIVE. Not what pic you image craft for Instagram.
Don’t let his words stay with you. What a narcissistic person he is. YOU ARE ENOUGH. ❤️

Go to search on this blog. Type in ‘narcissist’ you’ll learn so much.
Type in ‘white horse’ so you can ride yours.?

Ohhhhh I just want to hug you right now. Lots of us here do. You came to a very safe place. Full of love and support and wisdom. Keep reading. It will help so much.

YOU ARE ENOUGH. Know this. ❤️

Xxx much love to you, Danielle. ?

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Thank you so much for sharing – for your love, support and light. I would need more details, but it does sound like a rebound.

Sending you big love. Happy Holidays beautiful 🙂 xx

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Danielle, I agree with everyone. My heart goes out to you. It takes an adult man to stay and raise children and be a good father and partner. Selfish, narcissistic infants run away and blame others while they are running. He does not have what it takes to be a responsible human being. Believe me, he will experience his own lesson in the future. Children don’t forget and he will have to deal with that when the time comes.
Stay on your white horse, be good to you and your children and keep reading the wisdom that Natasha gives all of us. It is good medicine. I understand abandonment feelings all too well. I am struggling myself but at least we are dealing in reality and not some cartoon. Stay positive.
May the New Year be one full of fantastic things for you and a time of healing for you and your children. Be well. ???

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Merry Christmas Eve to the tribe!! Its snowing here in Chicago as i type this. ☃️⛄❄❄??
As always my tradition i am having my coffee and going to be watching Its a wonderful life. My favorite Christmas movie of all time. ❤ This movie is a reminder of all the things i am thankful for and blessed to have. If you have never seen this movie please watch it. There is a reason its a classic. ?
Love to all. ⛄?❄??
#whitehorsewarriors

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Thinking of you in the snow, Vicki! Love and hugs xxx happy happy holidays.
White horse warriors indeed! ❄️???❄️

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Same! – I’m watching it tonight after I watch Charlie Brown and the I Love Lucy Christmas special 🙂

I’m going to start using that hashtag in a major way. LOVE IT and LOVE YOU Vicki.

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⭐️?Merry Christmas to everyone here! It’s already happening on this side of the world. Many blessings and love to you all. I wish for peace in everyone’s hearts.?⭐️

There was a quote I saw on Instagram and I love it so I’m sharing it with you all.

“Stay close to people who feel like sunlight”

☀️☀️???????????☀️☀️

Yes! Happy holidays xxxx

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🙂 !!! Agreed. Merry Christmas Lorelle! xx

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Merry Christmas, Lorelle! Thank you so much for being the warm beam of sunlight you are. Always love reading your comments to the tribe ❤️

Blessings to all of you! May 2018 bring us all more healing, growth, self-love, and joy ✨?✨?

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Thank you all so much for your lovely words! In The Netherlands it’s already Christmas, wishing you all a very happy holiday! Love, Daniëlle

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Natasha I honestly can’t tell you how incredible your blog articles are. I just got out of a relationship with an EUM and it took the breakup for me to even see it. My instinct kept telling me something was off, I often felt lonely with him not realising I was being deprived of emotional intimacy. My heart still hurts (literally) but my mind clearly sees him for who he is/isn’t and I recognise that going forward I need to better protect myself from letting someone who isn’t worthy so close. I know it’s his loss (I am very proud of the person I am) and never doubted that, I gave him every opportunity to step up but that’s exactly the problem. I wanted to think he was worthy but I was banking on his potential not who he is.

Your advice is great at helping refocus your mindset and at making sure those boundaries are firm and non-negotiable, something I have to learn to actually act on. It stems from a fear of not finding someone who is truly worthwhile, I think.

So thank you so much for sharing all your knowledge, it’s helping others in more ways than you may even know!

Isabelle xo

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Hi Isabelle!

I’m so happy and honored to help 🙂 Thank you so much for taking the time to share and for being a part of this tribe. All my love to you sister. XOXO

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