Breaking promises in a relationship is devastating.
We are taught from childhood that you get what you put into something and I live by this mantra still today. Whatever I want from other people, from situations, and from life… I try to give and emanate. You invest emotion, time, and trust into a relationship (because that’s what you want back). However, there are guys out there that like to invest in talking a big future game to get what they want in the present.
What do they want in the present?
It could be many things – someone to listen to all of their problems, someone to loan them money, someone to help them get back on their feet, someone to make them feel like they weren’t such a piece of sh*t to their ex, someone to be the president of their narcissistic fan club, someone to make them feel like they’re not defective, etc. And last but certainly not least, someone that’s a good and reliable doormat.
If you’re dealing with someone of the emotionally unavailable species, you have to understand that because of their emotional unavailability (and often narcissism), they need to know that they are regarded highly in the eyes of others because deep down, they are painfully insecure.
As far as breaking promises in a relationship, these guys will talk a big future game because they get off to seeing themselves through the enchanted eyes of who they are faking a future with. They like how we view them. They love the pedestal that we put them on and they love what we reciprocate as a result. It enhances their image and validates that they “still got it.”
When it comes to breaking promises in a relationship, here’s what I’ve learned…
Emotionally unavailable guys LOVE to talk a big future game and make promises that they can’t keep. It allows them to get their present-day needs met (because they’ve secured your belief in a future together) and gives them time to turn your eventual, natural reaction to that future never actualizing, on you.
You are their money tree. And the moment you realize the money is not getting replenished, they dump you because having to account for it would mean they’d have to admit that your money was mishandled. It’s like going to a casino and having a money tree with you. There’s no real risk, it’s not your money. You have a money tree and you get all the benefits of gambling without any consequence. You literally don’t have to invest a thing.
Their words obviously don’t match their actions and remember…
Someone that is commitment (and reality) avoidant will think that just because they said these things, they made a gigantic effort. In their mind, the fact that they even thought about the things that they said and thought about extending themselves, was the commitment.
I’m sorry, but you deserve so much more than some guy who operates on this level of delusion.
It’s like the doctor telling you that you have cancer but refusing to take action and perform any screening tests. No blood work and no scans. Would you just take the doctor’s word for it and shave your head that afternoon?
You MUST stay real about his actions.
The only way to get through to anyone who was breaking promises in a relationship and has now broken your heart: Do the one thing that they are incapable of doing – make the decision to ACT and go no contact with their dysfunction and immaturity.
If any guy were to come on strong and make empty promises to me now, I would honestly get a little weirded out. I’d laugh it off at first but I’d definitely end up taking a step back because my boundaries are in the right place.
When you get to the point of self-validation, proper self-care, and self-love, you won’t look at every situation and every guy as this end-all-be-all holy grail. You won’t be so eager to pedestal these types because you will have your own back and be conscious of what’s actually going on – in reality.
The best way to put an end the bs is by controlling the one and only thing that you will ever be able to control in this lifetime: Yourself.
+ If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here.