I’ve written about emotional unavailability and narcissism, but there’s a certain species out there that I haven’t yet discussed. In many ways, this species is embedded in and yet completely independent of the other two. These are people that you may think you know very well. You may be dating one, friends with one, working with or even related to one. They don’t look any different or stand out in any kind of obtrusive way.
They definitely stand out though, in the most magnetic and emotionally vampiric way. A way that often leaves the “audience” at their emotional, a*s kissing knees. These people call their own shots, always get what they want, and never seem to experience any of the consequences that life is all too willing to hand our way. The blueprint in which this species operates is never noticed or revealed – until they inevitably unfold. That unfolding point, however, is nearly impossible to act upon or accept.
At that point, our value, identity, and boundaries have already been bartered down to the point of no return. We have way too much to lose because we’ve given them everything. Without them, our “investment” is gone.
Investing in someone of this species, on any level, is an investment in the most f*cked up emotional Ponzi scheme there is.
Who are these people?
What is a Sociopath?
Sociopaths are people who, through their passive agenda of manipulation, deceit, deflection and emotional vampirism, seek to destroy the very foundation of the people that they claim to cherish because, well, they can. Although there are many different sociopath symptoms and varying definitions, the core attribute of sociopathy is having no conscience.
Having no conscience whatsoever is impossible for you and I to fully wrap our heads around because we have a conscience. We don’t know any other way. The reason why we invest as long as we do with sociopaths is because it’s hard to imagine (and nearly impossible to accept), how someone could be void of a moral compass that we assume, is the common denominator of humanity. I used to think that no matter what, everyone had a conscience deep down. Life has taught me that as far as sociopaths and sociopath symptoms go, this is not true.
If you don’t have a conscience, you’re not only incapable of being aware of your actions, but you are incapable of responsibility, empathy, accountability and… LOVE.
And without any of these make-or-break attributes that are essential for healthy and mutual relationships, the only option that the sociopath has left is that of game playing, manipulation and gaslighting.
“Sociopaths can charm the birds out of the trees and tell you black is white, and have you believing it.”
What are the tell-tale sociopath symptoms?
Are sociopaths also emotionally unavailable, narcissistic or both?
The question you may be asking is “Am I dating a sociopath?” and if so, “what do I do?”
First, I want to address questions that I know I definitely had in regard to the connection between emotional unavailability, narcissism, and sociopathy:
In my non-professional opinion… not all emotionally unavailable people are narcissists, but all narcissists are emotionally unavailable.
As far as sociopathy goes… not all narcissists are sociopaths, but all sociopaths are narcissistic.
You could Google “sociopath symptoms,” and millions of identifying characteristics would pop up. I wanted to provide you guys with what I’ve personally experienced as far as sociopath symptoms go.
What are the 5 Sociopath Symptoms?
Signs You are Dating a Sociopath
They deserve an Academy Award for the emotional orgasms that they fake.
As far as sociopath symptoms in males (or females) go, this is by far one of the hardest to accept because they are incredibly convincing. And if our self-esteem is low enough, we’ll feel GUILTY for even reasonably QUESTIONING their authenticity.
Sociopaths are masters at faking intense moral outrage, portraying a false facade of being caring and empathetic, and pity mongering. This is done to paint a picture; to create a persona that is so solid and convincing, it will make anyone who ever dares to question them feel, look and sound completely baseless.
Another huge one is fearlessness. NOTHING scares a sociopath except very primal fears like dying, becoming terminally ill, etc. They hide fear at all costs. If they get “found out,” it jeopardizes their ability to con and manipulate further (in which case they disconnect, get “bored,” discard you and move onto another victim/audience. They then deflect the knowingness that you have of them by crazy labeling you to any willing audience).
Sociopaths have absolutely no fear in doing and saying the most asinine, outrageous things and then when the aftermath sets in, they act completely oblivious; like nothing ever happened. They don’t care at all about the opinions of others or what other people think of them.
Sociopath symptoms can all be marked with an outrageous factor. They are grandiose in their emotional perpetration and always, unapologetic. They lie about their experiences and are “shock factor” junkies.
Sociopaths thrive in running smear campaigns and turning “everyone” against someone. Yes, they know the difference between right and wrong, but they don’t feel that gnawing feeling of empathy, guilt, remorse, shame or a need to apologize. Sociopaths are only capable of selfish regret, which they attempt to package as genuine remorse.
Sociopaths truly believe that whatever they say is FACT.
It will never occur to a sociopath that you (and everyone else) have your own needs, wants, FEELINGS, thoughts, and rights. There’s no point in ever trying to express it either. Sociopaths engage in an “eat-chew-spit” policy when it comes to lovers and friends. Because they can’t ever move on in a conventional way, they have to dispose of and spit people out (only after they chew them up).
They’ll pedestal you like no one ever has and then, devalue you in the coldest ways. The highs are very high and the lows are extremely low.
Sociopaths will never apologize because they truly believe that they are never wrong. If they do apologize, it’s only to make you feel guilty and to re-secure your trust.
They don’t feel guilty about anything and if you present them with evidence that they are indeed wrong, they’ll never admit that you’re right. Instead, they’ll get hostile, go on the attack, deflect and often start a convincing campaign against you. This is how they get people to do what they want – through emotional blackmail.
Because they lack any kind of conscience, they will use your OWN conscience against you.
How? by reminding you of “what’s morally right” and repeating back basic morals to you when you innocently complain about something trivial. They love telling you what you “should” be doing with your life, money, time, etc.
And because they have a need for constant stimulation, when they get bored, they will all of a sudden bombard you with some grandiose “good” news/information/plan so that when you have any kind of question or concern about it all, they can accuse you of “not being on board,” not caring and failing to listen/follow along.
What to Do If You’re Dating a Sociopath
Strategize an exit plan. Speak calming and kindly with your ACTIONS and realize that you never were with the person that they portray themselves to be. That person does not exist.
Why do sociopaths change all of a sudden and go so quickly from hot to cold? This is not “intensity,” “passion” or “change.” This is them REVEALING their scheme.
If anyone in your life exudes these sociopath symptoms, the best thing you can do is understand that there will never be any reasoning or “winning” with these people. Do not try to explain and do not antagonize. Get away.
It’s time to create your own closure. Allow your awareness to be louder than their delusion.
+ If you need further and more personalized help with your relationship, please look into working with me here.