Hi, my name is Natasha and for nearly 2 decades, I sat on the sidelines of my own life. I always wondered what was so different about the players in the game – the people who were unapologetically confident, happy and seemed to be a magnet for relational, professional and emotional success.
Too afraid to feel the feelings associated with having to address my nonexistent self esteem and get off my emotional ass, I thought the answer was just superficial menutia. Now looking back in 20/20 hindsight, I realize that the level to which I relied on the superficial, was always in direct correlation with my lack of self love, boundaries, substance and awareness. It’s so easy to think that just because someone has x, y & z, was born a genetic and/or financial lottery winner or has access to abundant opportunity, that this is why they’re happy, confident and successful.
FORTUNATELY… Wearing the most put-together, high-end outfit, having money, having every opportunity at your fingertips, persona, charisma, charm, etc., is NOT a precursor to the kind of genuine confidence, badassness, unf*ckwithable happiness and success that not only lights up a room and attracts the quality that it excludes, but makes ALL of the superficial stuff take the “I-don’t-really-need-you-anymore,” back seat.
What I’ve learned:
You don’t have to be the smartest, most talented, prettiest, richest person in the room to be truly confident, happy, successful and as most would call, “lucky.”
You just need to be persistent.
And if you’ve already proven to yourself that you can be persistent in the negative self talk/beliefs, there’s no reason why you can’t be just as persistent in your own evolution.
Here are 15 habits of the most badass, confident, happy & successful people:
They make their own emotional money.
Happy, confident and successful people produce their own emotional currency. They know the value of their emotional dollar and are thus able to invest wisely, never accepting or tying their value to disproportionate returns. And just like with literal dollars, because these people have their own emotional riches, they don’t need to rely on anyone to “foot the bill.” They also opt out of situations and relationships that are exclusively on their emotional dime (non-mutual). This is one of the most attractive, alluring and effective qualities of confident, happy and successful people.
If you’ve ever been to a horse race, you’ll notice that every horse wears blinders. Why? Just like humans, horses have peripheral vision, which means that if they so much as side-eye-GLANCE at any other horse in any other lane, they can get distracted, run off course and get very seriously, domino-effect injured. Blinders allow the horse to remain focused, tunnel visioned and stay in their own lane. The most successful people stay in their own lane, don’t care about the opinions of others, focus on connecting to/creating meaning within the task at hand and don’t get distracted by the surrounding noise. They know the cost of deviating from their lane. These people are horrible at “just sitting on” ideas, hopes and dreams. Successful people are the most comfortable in their own lane because in their own lane, they can commit, execute and focus on THEIR terms. Because of this tunnel vision, these people are never interested in gossip, being right, being chosen, having the last word or winning.
They don’t have a standby mode.
These people never sit around and wait for anyone to call, text, acknowledge their existence or validate them. They have an emotional life of their own, know who they are, know who they’re NOT and most importantly, they know their worth. They don’t need anyone to give them an identity or permission to exist.
They actually USE the superpower that we ALL have.
Non-reactivity is seriously a superpower. It starves the masses from the reaction that their low sense of self needs to feel relevant. Non-reactivity is the only way to retain your power, dignity and stop making it so easy for others to label you as drama obsessed, psycho, immature, etc. Happy, confident and successful people realize that they can’t control other people (nor do they want to). The only thing that they can ever control is their reactions to others. And their non-reactivity is rooted in the knowingness that whether it’s a compliment or criticism… nothing is ever personal.
No auditions allowed.
The happiest, most confident and successful people don’t audition in their interactions with lovers, friends or coworkers. And because there’s no associated paranoia with “am I going to make the cut?” these people are as raw, real and authentic as it gets. For them, auditioning in their interactions is an impossibility because they’re too busy connecting. And if for whatever reason there isn’t a connection… That’s okay too. Because they’re not auditioning, having a disconnect is no longer a personal rejection. It’s merely just that – a lack of connection.
They know how to say no.
These people realize that feeling guilty for recognizing themselves in a health manner (aka having boundaries), is about as pointless as expecting a rose to grow out of dog sh*t. Happy, confident and successful people know how to say no because they are always kind in their honesty, never brutal. And of course, they always remain on the white horse.
No new (or old) games.
These people will never play games with you. It’s not because they think that they’re superior to anyone, it’s because they don’t like the boredom associated with wasting their own time. And because they value their own time to the extent that they do, they value other people’s time as well. The happiest, most confident and successful people are kindly upfront about who they are and what they’re looking for, so playing games bores them. Game playing is totally unnatural for these people. They don’t get excited by or engage in petty drama, being the “gotcha!” police or trying to extract drops of water (validation, acknowledgement, respect) from empty wells (f*cktard people).
NAGGING NO NO.
These people will never nag, beg or try to make others feel guilty/jealous. They refuse to be the emotional training wheels for grown adults and are people of maximum action and minimal words. They expect you to reciprocate the quality in which they treat you. And they won’t feel guilty or apologize for that.
The disease to please is channeled elsewhere.
Some of the most happy, confident and successful people once suffered from the disease to please. However, instead of acquiescing to the role of lifetime doormat, they were able to channel that ability into pleasing the only person that will ever be worth impressing – their younger self. By being the adult that they needed when they were younger, they no longer look to outside sources of approval – only within.
They value their privacy.
There’s a certain level of “I-need-to-know-more,” mystery about them. These people genuinely share more than most and don’t make others feel left out or deprived, yet they are extremely private with certain aspects of their life (more on that here).
They never try to be fearless. They are only described as such.
Happy, confident and successful people understand that striving to be fearless is actually the lowest standard they can hold themselves to. Fearlessness is not only impractical, it’s a form of perfection. It’s not that these people don’t get insecure, triggered or scared… it’s that DESPITE all that, they.do.it.anyway. And that’s how courage is defined. The courageous will always be described as fearless, but they never hold themselves to the impossibility of fearlessness. They USE fear to propel them into action.
They have a genuine interest in other people, but don’t have any interest in reducing their love life to an episode of Dateline.
These people are genuinely interested in connecting with others because they take care of their own emotional needs. They don’t feel the need to play detective in their love lives either. If something comes up, they respectfully address it and speak with their actions.
They have the one thing that most people don’t.
It’s more dangerous to have a false sense of self than to not know who you are. Happy, confident and successful people are extremely self-aware. These are independent, self-sufficient people who have lives of their own and an uncanny INABILITY to argue with reality. They accept what is, don’t tolerate residence in the Land of Limbo and unsubscribe to the delusion of their fears. They also aren’t scared of saying goodbye to people who devalue them, disrespect them or bring any level of nonsense, drama and negativity into their lives.
They take note of pink flags and ACT on red ones.
The happiest, most confident and successful people understand that if their partner is truly capable of connecting with, loving and valuing them… they will know. These people refuse to “investigate” how other people feel about them because they’re too busy enjoying the KNOWINGNESS of reciprocated, emotionally connected love. They don’t tolerate anything less. Happy, confident and successful people also understand that not everyone has the emotional engine/equipment to be in a mutual, empathetic and connected relationship. They don’t tie their value to jumpstarting anyone else’s emotional engine.
They aren’t emotional cutters.
I used to be an emotional cutter. I’d create a very painful, self-inflicted emotional wound in an attempt to detract from the pain of my relationsh*ts. I did this by trying (in the most humiliating of ways), to get those who had hurt me, to heal me. My friend Neil Strauss introduced me to this concept. Happy, confident and successful people understand the pointlessness of filing a complaint with the offender. They create their own Jedi Master closure by understanding that they are (and have always been), their own healer, savior, leader and hero.
BIG love & hugs to you all.