Before I even knew what boundaries were – up until a few years ago, really – guilt stood in the way of me honoring my own path and my own voice. Guilt murdered my happiness, my self esteem, my self love, my luck and my truth.
Having the disease to please didn’t help either. People pleasing and guilt go hand-in-hand. By the time I was in my twenties, I had become a professional doormat and under the rug brusher. I was in the doormat business since the age of 6; I became a pro by my late teens. I just always felt so guilty for sticking up for myself. Guilt prevented me from having a voice and from having limits. This is why I always felt so taken advantage of.
So how do you overcome the guilt and fear of setting boundaries?
- Understand that every time you argue with reality and pretend that what actually happened didn’t happen or, you silence your own intuition, you not only deny the beauty, truth and value of who you truly are, but you put yourself on mute, just so you can preserve the egos of others.
- When you worry about being a bad person, being immature or being hated for: trying to heal and deal with your own pain, protecting yourself, trying as best as you can to keep to yourself and move on, etc., you’re basically saying that you believe acknowledging yourself in a healthy and loving manner is not good.
- One of my favorites, Tony Robbins says that “changes happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” If your pain of staying the same has become unbearable and you’re ready to change, that doesn’t mean that it won’t hurt like hell, feel awkward, painful and unnatural to have boundaries and change. It DOES mean though, that you need to change.
- By having boundaries, you’ll earn respect from and attract the right people.
- Know that the biggest obstacle in your way when it comes to taking care of yourself is, you guessed it… guilt. I promise you though, consistency is the murderer of guilt. Be consistent and stand your ground by staying on the white horse and being the lady that you are – the one the respects and loves herself first.
- Accept that you will feel guilty at first for implementing boundaries and making yourself a priority. The only way that you can overcome the guilt is by facing it head on. Feeling guilt is a sign that you’re on the right track.
- Show people that you’re taking care of your needs (that may mean cutting them off).
- At the end of your life, I pinky promise you – there’s no way you’re going to wish that you spent more of it feeling guilty and scared.
- Realize that the only reason you feel guilty for doing what’s best for you is because of your disease to please and low self esteem.
- Own the fact that if you keep putting yourself on mute, you will always be at the mercy of other people’s opinions of you.
Stop feeling guilty for being you. Stop feeling ashamed for doing what the majority of people CAN’T do and start being one of those badass, amazing girls that unapologetically and kindly ALWAYS looks out for and loves herself first.
If I can do it, I know you can. I believe in you. x, N