Before I even knew what boundaries were – up until a few years ago, really – guilt stood in the way of me honoring my own path and my own voice. Guilt murdered my happiness, my self esteem, my self love, my luck and my truth.

Having the disease to please didn’t help either. People pleasing and guilt go hand-in-hand. By the time I was in my twenties, I had become a professional doormat and under the rug brusher. I was in the doormat business since the age of 6; I became a pro by my late teens. I just always felt so guilty for sticking up for myself. Guilt prevented me from having a voice and from having limits. This is why I always felt so taken advantage of.

So how do you overcome the guilt and fear of setting boundaries? 

  1. Understand that every time you argue with reality and pretend that what actually happened didn’t happen or, you silence your own intuition, you not only deny the beauty, truth and value of who you truly are, but you put yourself on mute, just so you can preserve the egos of others.
  2. When you worry about being a bad person, being immature or being hated for: trying to heal and deal with your own pain, protecting yourself, trying as best as you can to keep to yourself and move on, etc., you’re basically saying that you believe acknowledging yourself in a healthy and loving manner is not good.
  3. One of my favorites, Tony Robbins says that “changes happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” If your pain of staying the same has become unbearable and you’re ready to change, that doesn’t mean that it won’t hurt like hell, feel awkward, painful and unnatural to have boundaries and change. It DOES mean though, that you need to change.
  4. By having boundaries, you’ll earn respect from and attract the right people.
  5. Know that the biggest obstacle in your way when it comes to taking care of yourself is, you guessed it… guilt. I promise you though, consistency is the murderer of guilt. Be consistent and stand your ground by staying on the white horse and being the lady that you are – the one the respects and loves herself first.
  6. Accept that you will feel guilty at first for implementing boundaries and making yourself a priority. The only way that you can overcome the guilt is by facing it head on. Feeling guilt is a sign that you’re on the right track.
  7. Show people that you’re taking care of your needs (that may mean cutting them off).
  8. At the end of your life, I pinky promise you – there’s no way you’re going to wish that you spent more of it feeling guilty and scared.
  9. Realize that the only reason you feel guilty for doing what’s best for you is because of your disease to please and low self esteem.
  10. Own the fact that if you keep putting yourself on mute, you will always be at the mercy of other people’s opinions of you.

Stop feeling guilty for being you. Stop feeling ashamed for doing what the majority of people CAN’T do and start being one of those badass, amazing girls that unapologetically and kindly ALWAYS looks out for and loves herself first.

 If I can do it, I know you can. I believe in you. x, N

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17 comments

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I needed this. So good as always Natasha. Thank you for creating this community <3

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Thank you. Just thank you. xoxo

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This made me so happy when I woke up this morning. Thank you Natasha, it’s perfect. xoxo

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🙂 thank babe xx

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You are perfect Natasha! I struggle with this on and off. Thank you! Please write about embodying being “the one that got away” and a kick-ass way of owning that mentality. Im trying to get like you! LOL

Btw the layout of the site is super sleek! Love it 🙂

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Hi Bria!

Thank YOU so much & remember – it takes one to know one 🙂 You’re amazing. I love that idea! I’ll have a post up on that within the next week.
Yay! I’m so happy that you like the new layout! Thanks beautiful xoxoxoxo

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Yayy! Cannot wait for that post 🙂 xoxo

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I like and needed this. Perfect reading during work 🙂

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Awww thank you so much Paola! Your comments and feedback always make me smile 🙂 xoxo

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I think one big reason I like you Natasha is you are so smart and brave. Most people say go with your heart and do whatever you feel. Problem is is when we do that we suffer the consequences. You are smart enough to realize that our hearts mislead us and brave enough to be different. You are a morally strong woman and I admire that. Us women need you so we can stand up for ourselves ! Thank you again

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Melissa, I am in tears. Thank you for such a beautiful message and for being the light that you are. I’m not going anywhere, ever! 🙂 Thanks for the love sister xoxoxo

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Thank you hun xx.
My ex-boyfriend, who I finally left 2 months ago, was very dominant and took advantage of my kind and fragile soul. He basically used me for 2 years to his own satisfaction and it took me 6 months to break up with him.

Don’t be afraid to break up with someone your soul doesn’t need. Please, if anyone has the same problem I had, follow the inner voice of yourself. Your heart always knows what’s best.

Now reading this I feel like I did the best decision of my live and would become hetrosexual for a soul like your <3

I love you, and your website <3

Xoxo Tony

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Hi Tony!

You are so kind and such a beautiful soul. Thank YOU so much for reading, for the love and for sharing your experience and pain. You did make the best decision of your life – you honored your truth. Love you too and thanks again for your love and support! 🙂 xo

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Thank you for such a great inspiration! My ex broke up with me 2 months ago and your blog helped me a lot in many ways. Here is my question: do you think that ignoring his texts&calls is immature or rude?
He was “confused and not ready for relationship” though he claimed that he still loved me and i wanted to work things out. He said that at this moment he is not ready to have anything serious but he’s saying that i’m still his closest person and he can’t say goodbye to me… Couple of days ago i understood that i can’t do it anymore and just stopped answering him. He called every day and texted that he needs to ask me something (and didn’t tell what exactly).
Now i feel bad because i don’t want to ignore people. But what can i do if it hurts me to talk to him?

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Hi Alex!

Thanks for reading 🙂 Not at all; I don’t think that there’s anything immature or rude about having your own back, recognizing yourself in a healthy manner and allowing not responding, to be your response. You’re speaking with your actions and doing what’s best for you. You don’t need to cater to other people’s feelings at the expense of your own. Take care of you and be good to you. This is how you build your confidence, character, self esteem and empower yourself xoxoxoxo

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Last night, after four months of feeling low after my breakup with my partner of 3.5 years (he cheated on me and dumped me in the same night), I finally decided to un-friend and block both him and one of our mutual friends on social media (the mutual friend was partially involved in the breakup).

Immediately after doing it I felt regret and guilt. I started doubting my decision because I was worried about how my ex would perceive being blocked. But after reading this post I’ve realized that I am standing up for myself, asserting my boundaries and sending the message that I refuse to be treated like a piece of disposable garbage and as someone who compromises himself to make someone else happy that is not worth my time and energy. Furthermore I decided that my ex no longer has the privilige of knowing what I am upto.

Never EVER allow guilt to dictate your actions. Stand up for yourself and assert your boundaries unapologetically. Thank you for posting this Natasha, everyone needs this reminder from time to time.

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Yay! I’m happy it helped 🙂 You did the right thing! XO

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