Today I have the honor of introducing a very special guest post written by Lorelle, who has written for PMS before. This topic is something I’ve struggled with my whole life: When things look devastatingly good on paper but in real life, you’re surrounded by red and pink flags. Lorelle, take it away…
We. Have. All. Been. There.
We know it happens not just with relationships, but dream job interviews, looking at a great house for rent or sale, a wonderful vacation package to Heaven on Earth, hotel deals that can’t be missed, that ‘must have’ item of the moment and the two for one offer that just couldn’t be passed up…
We are full of anticipation, excitement, a feeling of abundance and happiness. There we are, floating on a boat, out to a shimmering sea of great expectations and a beautiful view that has us smiling from ear to ear…
Or so it seemed…
SPOILER ALERT: This doesn’t turn out how you thought it would.
Remember that time you met a wonderful someone who seemed to tick all the boxes? That person who was refreshingly half full and not half empty. That person who was so happy to have you float into their sphere. You also felt the same way. A great match.
Life was indeed cruising along, full steam ahead, flags fluttering in the breeze…
Speaking of which, the breeze does seem to have turned rather icy just now. And what color were those flags that caught your eye?
What is that in front of us? Oh my, iceberg ahead?? But this is not the Titanic!
Yes, history can repeat. Your boat is not floating anymore and just so you know, those flags you saw were RED!
How many times has this happened to you? Why does it happen? And how can you get to the fine print sooner than later, to either change course, jump ship or not bother boarding at all?
I think this dilemma is an interesting, multi-faceted one. Everyone, by human nature, wants to project their BEST self to a new love interest. We all do it. It’s part of early romance and getting to know someone new.
Students also do the same thing in the classroom, exhibiting their best behavior at the start of the year, because what anyone is really trying to do is to put their best foot forward. We do it as adults when we start a new job. Make a good first impression and you qualify yourself as a person of quality who is also worthy.
Sometimes this behavior is really sweet. For example, the guy I worked with who asked for a recipe, so he could cook his new girlfriend dinner one night. She was so impressed. It only came out months later about how he pulled it off (cooking lessons at my house), but it was a really sweet tribute to her and said a lot about how he was willing to try new things and wanted to win her over and put effort in to please her. They are married now.
A little different, is the guy who tries to win you over by sending you links to love songs, suggesting he ‘loves the shape of you’ and then mixes signals and disappears for three weeks with no explanation…Um, no one got married.