Even if you don’t know exactly where to start, you will always know when you need to raise your standards.
Standards, boundaries, and mental health go hand-in-hand. You can’t have one without the others.
Your life is a direct reflection of the standards that you have for yourself and for other people. Most people who have impossibly high standards for others have very little for themselves. This used to be me. My intuition kept saying “raise your standards,” but I was frozen in my fears, triggers, and insecurities.
The scariest but most life-changing and rewarding thing you can do for yourself is to implement standards. This isn’t about “he/she has to make X amount of money” or look a certain way or whatever other superficial bs. Those aren’t standards. Those are conditions that rob your life of substance and meaning.
When you have real, substantial standards, the quality of your life will increase because you are finally able to ACT on the realization that your mental health is more important than:
- Your job.
- The expectations/hopes/dreams/plans that your family and friends have for you.
- Your relationships with them.
- Your romantic relationship.
- People pleasing.
No matter who they are or what it is, your mental health is more important than anyone or anything. Without it, you have nothing. However, raising your standards can be scary.
It’s scary to go no contact with someone that you still love and miss.
It’s scary to commit to non-reactivity.
It’s scary to block them.
It’s scary to let people live with the consequences of decisions that they chose to make.
It’s scary to experience the first symptom of standard setting which is loneliness.
It’s scary to ACT on “I will lose anyone and anything before I will lose my mind.”
But it’s worth it.
Prioritizing my mental health cost me friends I never thought I’d lose and family that I was convinced, would always be there.
And I’m not a failure for still missing them.
If prioritizing your mental health means disappointing them, then, by all means, disappoint them. You will finally stop being a disappointment to yourself and be able to reclaim this life as your own.