I’ve written about toxic people before and I don’t know what it is, but lately I’ve been hearing a lot from my girlfriends, readers and personally experiencing myself the bs, WTF-ness, pain and insanity associated with toxic friends and toxic family members.
Once you identify that you have a toxic person in your life and you realize why they’re toxic (which has nothing to do with you), it’s easier to create the emotional barrier that you need (read: boundaries) to feel sane, less impacted and rid yourself of the guilt for feeling that you’re somehow to blame for a grown adult continuing to take emotional sh*ts on you.
This helps because once you can correctly identify yourself as independent of the fact that you’re dealing with someone who’s using their fear-mongering, pain inducing toxicity as an adult pacifier for themselves, they no longer have that power over your emotional state. You don’t take how they’re behaving personally anymore because you know that it’s nothing more than a measure of their own pain, immaturity, trauma and avoidance.
In regard to toxic friends, toxic family members & toxic people in general, the emotional impairments of these individuals are self imposed, narcissistic shortcuts to a short-term feeling of pseudo importance & control.
And because that feeling is always short-term and perpetually fleeting, it gives them justification for spin-cycling the toxicity on their people pleasing subjects.
Yes, we’ve all been through trauma, but it’s how we choose to deal and heal that shapes who we become and ultimately dictates our own levels of toxicity – toxicity within and toxicity that we conversely choose to spew.
But what about when there’s familial ties there (whether they be actual family or friends that are just as close as family)?
It’s one thing if you have a toxic acquaintance, coworker, guy you’re seeing (that you can breakup with if you want), or friendsh*t that deep down, you know you can’t rely on. It’s a totally different animal when you’re related to and deeply invested in toxic friends and toxic family members.
How do you deal with toxic friends & toxic family members?
What if you’re not sure? How do you really know if they’re toxic? Toxic seems like such a harsh word.
Do you have to cut them off? It’s sometimes too painful to have a relationship with them, let alone be in the same room, but you can’t just cut them off or breakup with them. I mean, this is family/BFF territory here.