Long distance relationships are hard, but they’re also exhilarating, passionate and are an integral part of a fairy tale that we’re convinced, HAS TO be right around the corner.

All of the greatest love stories, movies, books and poems involve distance at some point. And it’s always in that distance that emotional wrongs are righted and necessary realizations are made, so that Happily Ever After can ensue in a more solid, connected and enviable way than ever before.

I don’t think The Notebook would have been half as romantic if there wasn’t any distance between Ali and Noah at one point. As humans, we already feel unseen, unappreciated, misunderstood and unheard enough in our everyday lives. To be in a relationship with someone miles and miles away and STILL be heard, understood, empathized with, acknowledged, listen to, longed for and SEEN on such an profound level… that’s the ultimate. Am I right? 

“The scariest thing about distance is that you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you.” – Nicholas Sparks

Although it is indeed scary, if you suffer from the disease to please, validation seeking and low self esteem, you’ll start to equate that never-ending fear factor with “passion.” You then become more invested in expressing your all-knowing existence than taking the time to investigate if a mutual connection and true love even exists.

I know many people who are in long distance relationships and they make it work; they’re really happy. I got lunch with a girlfriend over the weekend who was telling me about her long distance relationship and how it’s the best relationship she’s ever been in.

She asked if I had ever been in a long distance relationship. “One,” I replied.

I was so taken back by my answer, that I don’t remember much of what was said after that.

At that moment, I realized that although I’ve only been in ONE relationship in which distance was between us, nearly EVERY relationship that I’ve ever been in has been long distance.

I was a long distance relationship JUNKIE and didn’t even know it.

How?

In my past relationships, the distance wasn’t in physical miles. It was in emotional ones.

Listening to my girlfriend talk about her emotionally available and MUTUAL long distance relationship, I realized that you could literally be in bed with your partner on top of you and be in more of a long distance relationship than if cities, oceans and countries were in between you.

This got me thinking about long distance relationships – both physical and emotional – who they cater to, how to navigate them and how to ensure that the distance is never emotional.

Here’s what you need to know about long distance relationships…

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So many cultures celebrate holidays, traditions and festivities around the spring equinox – Easter, Holi, Passover, Norooz (the Persian New Year), Hanami (the blossoming of cherry trees in Japan), etc. – Why? Spring is the season of new beginnings. It’s the time of year when everything is in bloom. Animals awaken, the conditions are ideal and everything just comes to life again. The air no longer has the abrasiveness of winter’s chill and everything seems to be in the kind of order that you’re convinced, is how it was always intended to be. So, you commit to and embrace the new beginning, hoping for your heart to forget an ex that has somehow disabled the switch from ever shutting off. And then… it happens: you see him. Not just in your head and heart, but right in front of you. What do you do when you see your ex? 

What do you do when you’re suddenly face to face with the one person who, despite how deeply they broke your heart, you still compare everyone else to? 

When you see your ex, you convince yourself that everything you’ve worked so hard to glue back together is now irreparably unglued… but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Years ago, I dated a man that made me feel like I had never experienced anything before him. He redefined it all and was unlike anyone I had ever been in a relationship with – much older, very successful, an intellectual encyclopedia, well spoken, traveled everywhere, had an infectious sense of humor and a personality that was larger than life. I can still hear his laugh. I made many mistakes in the relationship, but his emotional unavailability and lack of empathy ultimately proved to be a deal breaker that no matter how hard I tried, my disease to please couldn’t salvage. It was one of the most painful breakups I had ever gone through, but after lots of stalking and tears, I finally found a way to put one emotional foot in front of the other (despite terribly missing what was).

Fast forward to about 9 months later. I had just finished having lunch by myself at Spago in Beverly Hills and was waiting for the check. All of a sudden, I.hear.that.laugh. With every antenna up, I turn around and see him in conversation with 2 beautiful women. Before I can look away, we lock eyes. He immediately excuses himself and walks toward me. I don’t remember much of our exchange because there wasn’t much that we exchanged – we said our hellos as quickly as we said our goodbyes. He seemed a bit uneasy, but I was uncharacteristically calm.

The one thing that I remember more vividly than anything though, was that for the first time in my life, I was INDIFFERENT. It was the weirdest thing. I went about my day after that and didn’t think about it at all. I didn’t even feel the need to tell any of my girlfriends that I had run into him. I didn’t spend the next month comparing myself to the women he was engaged in conversation with, trying to find them on social media or obsessing over how I looked and what I said. Pigs were officially flying.

That night, I got a text from him saying how great it was to see me. I didn’t respond, deleted it and never heard from him again. There was absolutely no ill will, just pure indifference.

SO, with it being Easter today and the start of a season that’s known for new beginnings, I wanted to share with you how to emotionally navigate when you see your ex.

Here’s what to do when you see your ex (& how to not let it unravel you):

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“Why do I miss him?” is something that I’ve continued to ask myself WAY after relationsh*ts have ended and breakups ensued. I’d even find myself wondering “why do I miss him (??!)” when I’d be on a date – sitting across from a totally nice guy in a beautiful restaurant; my mind thousands of miles away.

Even worse… I’d wonder “why do I miss him?” when I was  IN A RELATIONSHIP with someone new.

Someone who had no idea how unfinished my emotional business truly was.

Every song that came on, everything that happened or didn’t happen… every.single.moment catered to highlighting the absence of what was.

So, I acquiesced to an existence of someone at the end of their emotional life – always reverting back to the loss of my soulmate, “the one.” My only shot at Happily Ever After that had come and gone.

What do you do when you can’t breakup with your memory?

Will the heartbreak, thoughts and obsessive actions EVER end?

How do you deal with going through the motions of life while your heart is with someone that never gave you closure?

If you’re still wondering “why do I miss him?” here’s why + the one thing you need to know:

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+ (doing a little giveaway! details at the end of this post xx)

Self sabotage is the one thing that will destroy your chances of ever fully experiencing the relationships, luck, confidence, fulfillment, happiness, success and life that you want more than anything.

Self love and self sabotage can never coexist. If you self sabotage, it means that you embody the enemy while making it your life’s mission to take down the enemy.

“God said ‘Love Your Enemy,’ and so I obeyed Him and loved myself.” – Khalil Gibran

When you self sabotage, you make a subconscious agreement with yourself to get off the road of life and onto that attractive and fancy treadmill. The treadmill comforts you because it not only provides PROOF that you’re going the distance and burning calories, it secures proof of productivity as well.

And if you’re in a destructive pattern like this, proof will always supersede feeling. The treadmill also guarantees the same terrain, weather and outcome every time.

The problem with running on emotional treadmills is that no matter how hard you run (& try to convince yourself that it’ll be different THIS time), you never actually get anywhere. You always end up back at square one.

Self Sabotage? Same.

Certainty = Safety and as humans, we will risk our own values, goals, best interests and moral compasses to secure a feeling of the kind of safety that certainty provides. Even if that certainty is our own misery.

Self sabotage is nothing more than an inability to get out of your own way. It’s that hidden mechanism that pulls the rug out from under your life, proving that happiness is never to be trusted – always chased.

Self sabotage murders who you could become – the Sasha Fierce badbass that your instinct is hungry to birth.

No matter what you’ve gone through in life, self sabotage is the only way that your destiny can ever be hijacked.

And because you can’t get out of your own way, you end up getting bulldozed every time – surrounded by a manifested environment that does nothing but affirm the necessity of you having to live on your emotional knees – now and forevermore. The End.

I’ve self sabotaged my relationships, opportunities, experiences and life for way longer than I’ve been lucky enough to live without the “bad luck,” that I would always tell myself I suffered from (due to the superficial of course: not being pretty, smart, sexy, cool, interesting enough, etc).

Here’s how to know if you self sabotage, why you self sabotage & 3 ways to put an end to it NOW…

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An easy and EFFECTIVE everyday detox tea? Yes please.

I’m a tea junkie. I can’t say enough about the importance of tea and the calm it gives me. Whether it’s hot or cold, tea is basically a liquid hug that aids in digestion, eliminates toxins, clears the skin and is one of the best kept skinny secrets out there (besides this).

I down about 3-5 cups a day. I’ve been drinking tea since I was 6 years old (my Mom is Persian and tea is a big part of the culture/cuisine, so she would always make me fresh herbal tea as a kid).

I don’t drink caffeine. It gives me horrible anxiety for whatever reason, so that cuts out a lot of options. I also don’t drink teas that are dark unless I have one of these straws (I know I’m weird but trust me, it prevents stains, preserves your tooth enamel and helps keep your smile white).

I’m all about NATURALLY detoxifying, de-bloating, flushing, regulating, digesting and keeping things “moving along,” on a daily basis (both physically AND emotionally. Ha!), through my diet and staying fit.

Every morning, I start off with hot lemon water and throughout the day, I drink fresh mint tea and lots of water.

Although I’m very selective with dried teas, I do drink tea with dried teabags on occasion, but really – there’s just no comparison to fresh tea.

When it comes to flavor and quality, you always want to go fresh whenever possible. Why? Some dried tea leaves can be overly acidic (which could disrupt your pH), dehydrating (no thanks), and can taste very bitter (so you end up adding sugar that you don’t need; sugar that causes inflammation, candida overgrowth and dis-ease within your body).

With freshly brewed tea, there’s a natural sweetness – no bitter taste.

When you use fresh mint leaves to brew tea, it allows the essential oil from the leaves to release into the water (& you get so many more added benefits).

Here’s the everyday detox tea that I drink…

Get ready to say bye to indigestion, reflux, bloat and inflammation of the gut. 

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Emotional investment seems like the most no-brainer, autopilot investment because it comes from the heart. If we aren’t self aware, we buy into the bullsh*t that “what our heart wants,” is in no way convoluted by our negative belief system, childhood, un-dealt-with trauma, insecurities, triggers and fears.

So what do we do? Approve the investment and go with our heart.

Unlike financial investments which have disclosures, the “disclosure” of emotional investment is never really disclosed until the cost has already been incurred.

A few years ago, Bernie Madoff was all over the news. Madoff was the self-admitted operator of a Ponzi scheme that is considered to this day, to be the single largest financial fraud in United States history. Madoff’s unknowing investors were some of the most well-known, accomplished, talented and intelligent people.

So why did some continue to invest despite dwindling returns?

Why did many invest even when there were whisperings of corruption?

Talent, intelligence, notoriety and accomplishment do not make you immune to emotional investment without returns.

I’m not going to speak for anyone because I don’t want to, it’s not my place to and I’m not educated enough on the matter. So many lives were destroyed and are destroyed everyday in Ponzi schemes – financial and emotional.

What I can do, is offer my opinion on why investment continues, despite conditions which make a return impossible.

When the environment surrounding the investor is no longer conducive to the security and solidity that she/he was initially promised and assured, any continued investments thereafter HAVE TO be emotionally based.

Why?

Because reality-based logic can no longer stand a chance; security now needs to be concocted. The mechanism itself is now the illogical nucleus of something that’s too painful and unbelievable to face.

I feel like at this point, many of us will continue to invest (despite not seeing promised returns), because by continuing to invest, it shows that we still believe in the investment (and aren’t going to invest our attention in any of the “hearsay” or “haters”).

You see everything capsizing around you in slow motion. So, instead of folding, you go for a strong right hook in the name of emotional investment.

You think to yourself: “If I show through my actions that no matter what, I won’t give up and I AM going to continue to invest (no matter how sh*t the return)… I have to, at SOME POINT, be noticed, appreciated and see a return… Right?”

I’ve experienced this time and time again in my life – never knowing when to fold and only folding when circumstances, relationsh*ts, LIFE, etc., folded for me.

Here’s my experience with emotional investment – how to know when to hold’em & how to Jedi master the art of folding:

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