It may have been a total relationsh*t and yeah, he was empathetically bankrupt and emotionally unavailable, but who doesn’t have issues? You were the happiest that you had ever been. He made you feel like no one ever had and you know that you’ll never find it again. You literally had everything – you had your person, your soulmate… and now? You’re left picking up the pieces of what was; endlessly stalking while swimming in the toilet of denial, “what if’s,” and searching for any kind of emotional painkiller as you try to figure out how to let him go.

There is something so magical about surrendering. The power of surrender creates immediate transformation for the better. It’s that place in which your emotional shoulders finally descend from your ears. You stop trying to grip the Jello of your fears because surrender always releases the grip in the solidity it provides.

You no longer care to be heard, be “right,” be chosen or “win;” you don’t care as much about being understood because you now have a much deeper understanding of yourself.

When you choose to surrender, you no longer cockblock acceptance & forgiveness because arguing with reality isn’t enticing anymore. Instead of focusing on what life has taken away, you completely surrender to what is.

Yoga not only helped heal my broken heart and my broken body, but it allowed me to surrender – to life, to what was, to what is, and to what will be. Above all, yoga taught me to recognize and surrender to the force within myself and that has been the single most powerful and transformative lesson of my life so far.

But what do you do when you’re completely stuck and no matter what, can’t surrender to the fact that your soulmate is gone?

How do you just accept the one thing that your heart can’t?

Here’s how to let him go, move toward acceptance, extinguish further humiliation and get on the road to indifference (all while remaining on your white horse) in 5 simple & straightforward steps:

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This year is seriously flying by. I’m still struggling to put away my jean shorts and the holidays are coming up? What? Anyone else feel the same? There’s clearly no particular category that any of these fit into (other than MUST HAVE), so I wanted to give you guys a peek into what’s currently on aggressive rotation in my bathroom & closet as we transition into fall/winter.

The first thing I did so far was brighten up my highlights and cut my hair a few inches shorter. I know… most people like to go darker for the fall and winter, but I actually like to go darker AND lighter (I’ll explain). By brightening my highlights a bit, it contrasts with my natural color even more, so it richens my natural color while framing and brightening my face. Try it! darker and lighter is the way to go and the few inches off feels good too. Okay, so back to the must have stuff…

Here are my current must have items for fall:

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After breaking up, one of the first things I always used to asked myself was “should I call him?” and if so, WHEN??

Everyone would tell me not to and I knew deep down that it probably wasn’t a good idea, but I couldn’t stop with the “should I call him or forget about him?” It had to be one or the other, but I couldn’t commit to either because each option posed its own challenges impossibilities.

It was like there was some magnetic force that even though always resulted in humiliation, was completely unavoidable and justified. I mean, it was all in the name of mature answer-seeking and closure. NBD, right?

And one little detail I left out: no matter how much of a relationsh*t that I (and everyone else) knew it was…

I missed him.

Independent of all the closure that I claimed to be after, closure was the furthest thing from what I truly wanted. I had to tell everyone that I needed to go on a closure expedition because if I told them what I really wanted, they’d write me off as the village idiot and abandon me (& the LAST thing I needed was to activate my abandonment issues even more).

I needed “closure,” in the form of getting my ex’s validation one last time. I wanted to know if he still felt the same way and I needed him to know how much he hurt me.

I couldn’t exercise, party, sleep, date, drink or THINK my ex away.

It was impossible to forget the guy that he was in the beginning: a little red flag ridden (who isn’t?) & hurtful at times yes, (probably due to me being psycho), but when he was good… omg. He was so f*cking ovulation-inducing-irreplaceably-on-point, kind of good.

After the breakup, one of my lowest points was *67-ing my ex JUST to hear him pickup the phone. I’d silently cry as the “hellos?” kept coming. Then when he began to sound like Adele, I’d hang up and cry/social media stalk even more. The most embarrassing was when my ex picked up and after a few unanswered “hellos?” he said, “…Natasha?” I died. I could literally feel whatever dignity I had left exit my body. Was it enough to stop me? Lol, ya right.

I ended up spending a large sum of money on a “how to get your ex boyfriend back” system that my endless Google searching had led me to. The 54 page “answer” basically boiled down to: remain in no contact and play hard to get.

How are you supposed to play hard to get when he doesn’t want anything to do with you?

As the days passed, every second became acknowledging that I hadn’t yet reached out (duhhh), and fighting the urge to mute the “should I call him?” question. This left absolutely no time to check in with or care for myself, let alone heal & deal.

Because every moment was accounted for with the “should I call him? No, I can’t! I need to forget him!” tug of emotional war, it was impossible for me to see that what I was essentially “fighting off,” was the urge to dumpster dive.

I couldn’t accept that the trash had taken itself out.

And NO, I’m not calling anyone trash. I define trash as something that isn’t useful to a specific person. To me, non-mutual, dishonest, disrespectful relationsh*ts that lack trust, healthy communication, honesty, empathy, connection and love are trash because they aren’t useful to me (even though they used to be). Triangles are trash to me now. They used to be my treasure. Today, I like lines. This is why they say that one person’s trash is another’s treasure. It’s all relative.

If the trash was going to go to the dumpster, I either needed to dump it myself OR it needed to forewarn me. It had to be on my terms. Why? The trash wasn’t supposed to take itself out! It was supposed to be grateful for the fact that I had worked so hard to please it and buff it into what I thought was a bar of gold.

In the end, it wasn’t. I was the crazy girl mistaking trash for gold in the rough; the girl who told everyone she had a barking cat WHILE the cat was meowing around town.

Emotionally unavailable and narcissistic exes are the hardest to get over. They lack the ability to put themselves in other people’s shoes and are unable to subscribe to anything and stick to it (valuing or devaluing you being at the top of that list).

Because of this, they’re extremely hard to read. And my low-self-esteem self LOVED “hard to read” because it gave me permission to not only remain invested, but it justified having to continue living in a triangle.

I used to equate passion, ovulation, compatibility, love & chemistry with triangulation. As long as it was me, him and some other person or entity that I had to compete with, be chosen over and “win,” it was once-in-a-life-time-soulmate-GOLD status. Linear? Snore. ZzzzZzzz.

If you find yourself staring at your phone wondering, “should I call him?” read these 5 steps first and you’ll know what you need to do.

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Guys, this one is so good there’s no way I could keep it to myself. Seriously, the best beauty tip of all time. It’s so simple and effective, I waited a month to make sure that what was happening was actually happening before I shared because honestly, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Although all opinions are always my own, this post is not sponsored in any way. The changes in my skin, hair, waistline, stomach and digestive system have been drastic. This is the best beauty tip I’ve ever adopted. It takes no planning and can be applied right now, anywhere in the world. As always, I’m just sharing what worked for me. Everyone is different!

I’m lucky enough to know and have seen some of the most talented yogis, naturopaths, doctors and dermatologists in the world. And obviously, I like to share everything with you guys because not only is being informed essential for good living and decision making, but if I can save just one of you the time, tears, anxiety and money I’ve spent trying to get out of the proverbial tunnel for good, it’s worth it to me.

We can all agree that getting at least 8 hours of sleep per night, wearing sunscreen, MOVING your body, having a healthy diet that doesn’t contribute to acne causing/hormonal disrupting candida and reducing anxiety will ALL significantly contribute to looking and feeling your best. Right? Yeah, we know that blah blah. It’s easy enough – move your body; tranquility of the mind will follow and don’t eat garbage.

If the above beauty tips are so logical and simple, why was I always scouring the internet, getting more and more in debt by going to appointments I couldn’t afford, and turning Sephora into my own Costco of weekly samples?

I was continually searching for the best beauty tip and giving myself reason to believe that there was always another unknown cause. As long as I “needed” x, y & z to “cure” myself, this meant that I didn’t have to fully commit to the simple (read: duhhh/obvious/boring/ I GET IT) beauty tips above that my Mom cemented into my consciousness from early on.

So why did I only get to 3rd base with the above beauty tips?

Because I figured that if I was spending more money and time doing endless trial and error research on something a celeb was doing, I’d eventually end up uncovering a real diamond in the rough. I was determined to find some miraculous system/cure, as opposed to the wealth in the best beauty tips, AGE OLD beauty tips that were right in front of me all along.

It was a vicious game of follow the follower.

I was taking everything that the city of Los Angeles, advertisements, magazines, media, and “experts” were saying, literally; forgetting that in business, most try to avoid steering you toward the one thing that can never be patented: nature.

I was sleeping alright, eating pretty damn well and gyrating around the gym like a wild banshee more than most. It worked, but only just enough to continue doing it on a half-assed, obligatory level.

And just like all of the above beauty tips, the best beauty tip on the planet that I’m about to share with you is so “duhhhhh!” it’s not even funny (but it kind of is because most people don’t ever REALLY think about it).

I realized that just like with relationships, I was tying my self esteem to this never ending rat race of finding the perfect lotion, system, answer and “cure.” I avoided the simple & available methods not only because they required more dedication than my social life would allow, but because it was the  same dynamic as my relationsh*ts: I didn’t deem it valuable if I didn’t have to go into emotional debt to achieve it.

The only difference between my relationsh*ts & this never ending search for the best beauty tip/answer, was that I was going into both emotional and financial debt.

& just like my attraction to unavailable partners and friends, I deemed a drop of water from an empty well more valuable than a gallon of water from an abundant well.

So what I have been doing for the past month that has garnered more compliments than ever, restored my sanity and my belief in badassness of the basics?

What is THE BEST beauty tip on the planet?

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We all know what true love is, right? You’ve probably been to a wedding or scrolled through Instagram and either heard or read someone quoting the Corinthians:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

This one of the most beautiful, pure and honest quotes but for me, it was also one of the most impossible.

In the past, whenever I thought that I had (or was in) true love:

  • I rarely felt patient (which resulted in limited no kindness).
  • I social media stalked and would never admit it, but totally envied his ex girlfriends.
  • I had to boast about how wonderful my relationship was (because it was a total relationsh*t).
  • I dishonored everyone and everything that I felt I had to compete with to get his love, respect, validation, attention, loyalty, honesty, empathy, etc.
  • The relationsh*t was self-seeking (mySELF seeking to be chosen, to “win,” and to engage in “please don’t abandon me,” codependency.
  • Insecurity in the relationsh*t = being triggered, which always led to disproportionate (& ultimately humiliating), anger.
  • To say that “I kept no record of wrongs,” is like saying that the sun doesn’t set.
  • Instead of “not delighting in evil and rejoicing with the truth,” I delighted in anything that affirmed my low self esteem, catered to my fears, and increased unnecessary drama. I also avoided the truth at all costs.
  • protected, hoped, trusted in and preserved the image of the relationship that I chose to believe I had.
  • Love ALWAYS failed because I was continually failing myself.

I honestly felt like I was in true love; I knew I was. In fact, I felt like I couldn’t get any deeper in true love. The above bullet points were all normal… right?

I’ve been thinking a lot about true love lately – what it means, how to manifest it, how to attract it and how to maintain it once you find it instead of engaging in self sabotage and becoming bored because you don’t have to work for it.

Is what the Corinthians, Shakespeare, Sinatra, John Keats, Rumi and all of the great poets, musicians and movie makers so beautifully expressed even attainable in life outside of the bliss of a wedding or the delusion of social media?

Are we trying to live up to some unrealistic ideal?

I honestly can’t say that today, I’m free and clear of the above checklist. I have my moments, BELIEVE me. We ALL do. So…

What is true love?

Can it exist beyond the intimidating and seemingly impossible standards that we are so intoxicated with the idea of but fail to embody and apply?

How can you identify, attract & KEEP true love?

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I’ve written about toxic people before and I don’t know what it is, but lately I’ve been hearing a lot from my girlfriends, readers and personally experiencing myself the bs, WTF-ness, pain and insanity associated with toxic friends and toxic family members.

Once you identify that you have a toxic person in your life and you realize why they’re toxic (which has nothing to do with you), it’s easier to create the emotional barrier that you need (read: boundaries) to feel sane, less impacted and rid yourself of the guilt for feeling that you’re somehow to blame for a grown adult continuing to take emotional sh*ts on you.

This helps because once you can correctly identify yourself as independent of the fact that you’re dealing with someone who’s using their fear-mongering, pain inducing toxicity as an adult pacifier for themselves, they no longer have that power over your emotional state. You don’t take how they’re behaving personally anymore because you know that it’s nothing more than a measure of their own pain, immaturity, trauma and avoidance.

In regard to toxic friends, toxic family members & toxic people in general, the emotional impairments of these individuals are self imposed, narcissistic shortcuts to a short-term feeling of pseudo importance & control.

And because that feeling is always short-term and perpetually fleeting, it gives them justification for spin-cycling the toxicity on their people pleasing subjects.

Yes, we’ve all been through trauma, but it’s how we choose to deal and heal that shapes who we become and ultimately dictates our own levels of toxicity – toxicity within and toxicity that we conversely choose to spew. 

But what about when there’s familial ties there (whether they be actual family or friends that are just as close as family)?

It’s one thing if you have a toxic acquaintance, coworker, guy you’re seeing (that you can breakup with if you want), or friendsh*t that deep down, you know you can’t rely on. It’s a totally different animal when you’re related to and deeply invested in toxic friends and toxic family members.

How do you deal with toxic friends & toxic family members?

What if you’re not sure? How do you really know if they’re toxic? Toxic seems like such a harsh word.

Do you have to cut them off? It’s sometimes too painful to have a relationship with them, let alone be in the same room, but you can’t just cut them off or breakup with them. I mean, this is family/BFF territory here.

How do you deal?

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How to get over your ex is something that I could write a million blog posts on and still not be done. Why, because it’s so complicated? Not at all. It’s because after a breakup, when you’re trying to figure out how to get over your ex, there are so many emotions, triggers, insecurities, questions, old wounds that resurface, etc., and THAT can get really complicated.

Looking back, every time after a breakup where I’ve been DEEP in the “shoot-me-now-I-have-no-reason-to-carry-on-why-couldn’t-I-have-just-been-good-enough-for-him?-I’ll-never-move-on-or-get-over-this,” quicksand, it was always a relationsh*t that I was getting over, never a relationship.

I’m not saying that healthy relationships are easy to get over (they’re not and can be very painful too), but when you’re in a mutual relationship that doesn’t work out for whatever reason, you’re still okay despite the heartbreak. Yes, you’ll probably be heartbroken after the breakup, but you have a sense of understanding. You’re not questioning your value, your worth, your sanity, or feeling like you no longer have an identity (we attract what we exude and mutual relationships always involve two connected people that are capable of empathy and healthy communication).

Emotionally unavailable, empathetically bankrupt and narcissistic exes that we entered relationsh*t territory with are the toughest most seemingly IMPOSSIBLE to get over. They not only cater to our worst fears, but they highlight all of our insecurities and mirror the dysfunction in the relationsh*t we have with ourselves.

Your ex’s words and actions consistently fail to match; there’s never any real finality or closure. And unlike a mutual and healthy relationship, the relationsh*t has drained you of any little self esteem, self love, sanity and trust that you had.

You’re left on an emotional driftwood without a compass because you entered the relationsh*t under the assumption that this person was going to be your compass, safe haven, solid ground; “make” you happy, “complete” you, etc. 

Not only is this an unfair burden to put on anyone, but it’s completely unrealistic. If you’re like I used to be and you keep trying to get lovers and friends to see in you what you can’t see in yourself, you will always be chasing after validation that will never be quiet good enough. Your life will be plagued with heartbreak, dissatisfaction, “bad luck,” victimization and never feeling like you’re appreciated, understood or accepted.

At this point in my life, if I had Jerry Maguire himself come into my house crying on bended knee and telling me that I completed him, I would be alarmed. I don’t want that kind of burden nor do I want to ever again place that burden on anyone else. Its our job to live, love, experience joy and evolve during our incredibly short time here on this planet. It’s NOT our job to go around completing people and telling ourselves that we need someone to complete us. If you keep doing this, you’ll drain yourself of your power and be on a constant “I’m-never-good-enough” spin cycle, continuing to waste your time trying to please the unappeasable – yourself & others.

Trying to figure out how to get over your ex can be maddening. Let’s simplify.

Here’s how to get over your ex (& stop emotionally and/or physically waiting around), in 10 steps:

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For a while now, I’ve been wanting to share with you guys 5 books that changed my life.

I LOVE reading but I didn’t always like used to hate it. I started to enjoy reading when I got out of school and could actually choose to read something that wasn’t assigned and later tested on. With the anxiety of “I-need-to-retain-every-word-of-this-info” gone, I ended up absorbing and getting more out of books than ever I did when I was in school. I began to enjoy and see the value in reading. So, my love affair with books began.

& why has this affair been so gratifying and long lasting?

Here’s why…

Reading is the ultimate form of healthy escapism.

Reading allows you to feel as though you’ve escaped, when in actuality, a really good book will do nothing more than hold a mirror up to you until you see the potential, strength, resilience and beauty that the universe sees in you. You feel less alone in your feelings and experiences because you’ve established a connection.

THAT’S what a good book does.

There are SO many books that I want to recommend to you guys, but few books that changed my life to the extent that these have. These are books that I can literally open to any random page and learn something new; books that I find myself constantly going back to and books that have taught me to think, feel and connect on a new level. The impact that these books have had on me not only continues to translate in my own life, luck, business and emotional connectivity, but they have enriched the relationships – both with myself and others – more than anything has.

“Books are a uniquely portable magic.”

– Stephen King

What do these 5 books that changed my life all have in common?

They all create a unique movement in hopeless stagnation and allow you to feel less alone and more understood. Also, they do not read like “don’t jump!” boringly texty textbooks (snore). They read like “WTF?!-it’s-2am-and-I-have-to-be-up-in-4-hours-where-did-the-time-go?!” 🙂

Here are 5 books that changed my life:

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I’ve written about empathy before – the consequences of having no empathy and why empathy is the ultimate game changer. Empathy is the ultimate game changer because the level of happiness, understanding, fulfillment, security, appreciation and CONNECTION that you feel in your relationships will always be directly linked to the level of empathy that both you and the other person have.

Same goes for the relationship that you have with yourself. The level of self esteem, gratitude, love, connectedness, relationship luck and confidence that you feel is 100% of the time, linked to the level of empathy that you have for yourself.

& if you have no empathy for yourself, you’ll keep chasing after the love, acceptance and validation of those that cannot empathize with you either (but that you somehow, despite their disconnectivity, continue to have an abundance of empathy for). 

Friendsh*ts and relationsh*ts are always built upon a foundation of empathetic bankruptcy. 

Where there is no empathy, there is no connection, depth or understanding.

Okay so CLEARLY, empathy is an integral in having a healthy relationship, but what do you do when you’re in a relationship with someone that has no empathy?

How do you deal?

Is it even POSSIBLE to date (or have any kind of relationship with) someone that has no empathy?


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“How to overcome social anxiety,” is something that I never thought I’d be able to answer, let alone conquer. Up until a few years ago, I had been dealing with crippling, humiliating and cringe-worthy social anxiety on a daily basis. I had become a punching bag; the self imposed sacrificial lamb of every social interaction. I was a nervous wreck and consistently inconsistent because I couldn’t keep up with the lies I had told, just to elevate my coolness and mask the utter uncool that my truth had become. I didn’t stand for anything because I had acquiesced to a lifetime subscription of the “trying but always failing,” self sabotage and attracting relationships, circumstances and situations that catered to the my fears.

Have you ever watched someone dance at a wedding and they’re so incredibly bad, you can’t even enjoy having a laugh as they gyrate around like a banshee in heat because you’re too embarrassed just WATCHING them? It literally hurts to watch it all go down. That person recreating some sort of asexual, “I-just-walked-into-a-spider-web” gyration around the dance floor, pretending to come across like they’re an extra in a Drake video but looking like they’re going through some kind of convulsatory “don’t-ever-have-sex-with-me” fit, was ME.

The only difference was that the dance floor was my everyday life.

To make matters worse, this was pre laser hair removal and I looked like an ape with braces who couldn’t fill out a training bra (still can’t). I hated the way I looked, but I also subconsciously convinced myself that I was decent enough to go after men and friends that always ended up highlighting the very attributes I tried to conceal with all my might.

I’d always hash and rehash every conversation, interaction, occasion and relationship I had. As I grew up and inevitably accumulated more abandonments, rejections, friendsh*ts, relationsh*ts and breakups (as we ALL do), it only got worse. Whenever I’d approach any social situation, I would start sweating profusely.

As if my mind wasn’t f*cking me hard enough, my body had to now chime in as well.

Years passed and it must have started to effect me on a hormonal level because my skin would get hot, red, and breakout – all while my armpits morphed into faucets and I tried to keep it all together. I would sweat if I was standing in the snow. It got so bad, I wouldn’t wear certain colors because of my sweating problem. I had no idea how to overcome social anxiety – anxiety that had now taken over my life.

Whenever I knew a certain social situation/event was approaching, I would disproportionately value the event and overly “prepare” every day leading up to it so I could really, this time, WOW everyone and prove them (& my low self esteem self), “wrong.” I would ultimately always FAIL/disappoint/breakout into a beard of zits the morning of, etc. I then began to rely on having to have a few drinks just to feel like I could carry a conversation with someone.

This ended up robbing me of ever having relationships with emotional intimacy because I was always “auditioning,” and never listening – to my gut or the other person.

Then one day, I got so sick of the bullsh*t that I decided enough was enough. I couldn’t take it any longer. I needed to know how to overcome social anxiety. It was stupid and it wasn’t good for my well being. I decided right then and there that I was done. Something needed to change, I just didn’t know what.

Today, I thankfully don’t need a drop of alcohol, 167351 deodorants in my purse, or any kind of pep talk to enter whatever social situation life throws at me. HOW?

Here’s what you need to know about how to overcome social anxiety:

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