Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot about how to “live your best life.” It’s everywhere right now. #livingmybestlife and #bestlife are popular hashtags on social media. I’m listening to “Best Life,” as I type this by the pool.

So what does it really mean to live your best life?

And how do you go about even knowing how to live your best life?

I never write from any kind of an “I-am-your-guru,” psychological high horse. I write to help people out of pain, insecurity, and suffering that I have gone through and still go through. I write to navigate men and women away from the magnetic pull of f*cktards and the bs/darkness associated with it all. I write with the hope of affirmation that I’m not alone.

I also write to remember and solidify my own advice.

Sometimes when I write a longer post (like the last one), it allows me to come to very simple realizations/answers to issues that thrive on complication. The complication of these issues perpetuate mediocrity to such an extent, we become reduced to thinking that “live your best life,” means proving haters wrong, getting a certain number of likes/comments, making him/her burn in regret, living a life based more on impressing others than impressing ourselves, and being “good enough,” for a pig to turn into a puppy.

As far as knowing how to live your best life, I’ve come to a very simple realization that I know works.

How am I so sure?

  • It has transformed and attracted mutuality, value, and quality in my professional, personal, romantic, and familial relationships that I never thought was possible.
  • It has allowed me to go from being labeled as “too sensitive” and “too much,” to me being my own white horse, rider, and ride.
  • It has allowed others to recognize that I have limits and standards without me having to verbalize or write them out in smoke signals.
  • It has allowed me to actually STICK to those limits and standards with a complete absence of guilt for implementing them.
  • It has allowed me to define my own identity instead of adopting a personal identity of reluctant f*cktard creation.

And most significant of all – It has built the most unshakeable, unf*ckwithable confidence, self-love, and self-respect. 

The worst advice I have ever got in my life: “Natasha, it’s not  that simple.” I think that it really IS that simple. Our fears and insecurities are prone to complication creation so that we don’t have to do the scariest thing: accept, adjust/implement boundaries, and take action in our own lives.

Looking back – Every moment that I spent investigating if the weeds in my life would turn into a rose garden, came at the expense of my ability to recognize my own roses. I then weed-labeled myself and as much as I claimed to want a fellow rose… ALL I attracted were more weeds who either couldn’t see the rose in me because I couldn’t see it in myself, or saw the rose and exploited my own blindness for their benefit.

When it comes to knowing how to live your best life, it’s stupid simple.

Here’s the one realization that you need to live your best life NOW…

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With so much tragedy in the news lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about life, death, and life lessons. I’ve also been thinking a lot about what saved my physical life and resurrected my emotional, relational, and spiritual life from a depth I didn’t know how I would ever get out of and to a reality today that I never thought was possible.

What exactly was it that changed the quality of my life, my self esteem, connection to myself, and the relationships that I subsequently attracted, so quickly?

Even though I still fail, make mistakes, get depressed, stressed, insecure, unsure, heartbroken, and feel crippling anxiety at times… How come it doesn’t permeate anymore to “what’s-the-point-of-carrying-on-or-putting-up-with-anything-other-than-crumbs-from-myself-and-others” paralysis as it once did?  

There have been times in my life where I wanted to die. I didn’t want to carry on; there was no reason to. All I had done was try way too hard, fail epically, get crucified for things other people got a slap on the wrist for, and then get even more rejected, humiliated, made to feel psycho, judged, and abandoned as a result (by no one more than myself). There were no life lessons to learn. I had already written myself off.

I hated who I was. I hated that I was so desperate for crumbs from f*cktards. And I was so ashamed for being ungratefully avoidant of/not attracted to the people in my life who not only had entire loafs to give, but tried to get me to see that I had my own too.

I hated myself to the core.

I had no self-respect, hope, direction or compass and just felt like “what’s the use?” You know? 

And as much as I wanted to die, I didn’t want to and couldn’t kill myself, if that makes any sense. I was too scared of failing at that too and risking a life of extreme pain and debilitation. I was too scared to do anything but there was no way I could carry on. The only way I can explain it is that I wanted to “end.” I could not articulate exactly what I wanted to end, I just felt like I needed an “ending.”

And because my self esteem was so low, I wanted me to end.

I committed emotional and spiritual suicide as a result and adopted habits that allowed me to contribute to my own physical death gradually.

I was a dead woman walking until I realized what really needed to be killed off.

And then I murdered it.

(more about all that here).

Life on my own terms started for me after that point.

Looking back, this is what I now know:

When I wanted to die, I wasn’t implementing any of these life lessons.

When I failed and blamed myself to the point of adopting an impossibly negative and self-sabotaging identity, I wasn’t implementing any of these life lessons.

When I was emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and financially broke (a few years ago, I was Uber driving and taking out payday loans on my Uber checks just to make ends meet. I ultimately sunk even deeper financially)… I wasn’t implementing any of these life lessons.

In my early twenties, when I was boundary-less, confrontationally avoidant, smoking cigarettes, needing a cocktail just to have enough confidence to carry a basic conversation, and not taking care of my health, I wasn’t implementing any of these life lessons.

When I was involved in friendsh*ts, situations*ts, and relationsh*ts, I wasn’t implementing any of these life lessons.

When I would engage in petty gossip, need an opposing force/a reluctant f*cktard/haters just to feel motivated enough to take action, continuously lie to compensate for my lack of value, and create drama just to feel significant for a hot minute… I wasn’t implementing any of these life lessons.

When I got knocked down by any negative comment/criticism; when I felt worthless, ugly, unlucky, inferior, and completely powerless, I wasn’t implementing any of these life lessons.

When I blamed myself for being emotionally orphaned by a well-intended yet emotionally unavailable parent, yup… I wasn’t implementing any of these life lessons.

None of the above ever turned out well or felt good. Obviously.

So why did I continue? 

I kept engaging and wash-rinse-repeating not because I was crazy, but because I was an emotional cutter. I had been burned too many times to bank on the unpredictability of happiness again. Every time I ever had, the other shoe always dropped.

My own misery was at the very least, predictable.

And amidst so much unpredictability, insecurity, fear, and pain, my oxygen became the security of predictability. Even if it was the predictability of my own suffering.

So here they are – life lessons that saved me from robbing myself of my own life. I would be dead if I hadn’t implemented and acted on these.

15 life lessons that literally saved my life.

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Today I have the honor of introducing a very special guest post written by Lorelle, who has written for PMS before. This topic is something I’ve struggled with my whole life: When things look devastatingly good on paper but in real life, you’re surrounded by red and pink flags. Lorelle, take it away…

We. Have. All. Been. There.

We know it happens not just with relationships, but dream job interviews, looking at a great house for rent or sale, a wonderful vacation package to Heaven on Earth, hotel deals that can’t be missed, that ‘must have’ item of the moment and the two for one offer that just couldn’t be passed up…

We are full of anticipation, excitement, a feeling of abundance and happiness. There we are, floating on a boat, out to a shimmering sea of great expectations and a beautiful view that has us smiling from ear to ear…

Or so it seemed…

SPOILER ALERT: This doesn’t turn out how you thought it would.

Remember that time you met a wonderful someone who seemed to tick all the boxes? That person who was refreshingly half full and not half empty. That person who was so happy to have you float into their sphere. You also felt the same way. A great match.

Life was indeed cruising along, full steam ahead, flags fluttering in the breeze…

Speaking of which, the breeze does seem to have turned rather icy just now. And what color were those flags that caught your eye?

What is that in front of us?  Oh my, iceberg ahead??  But this is not the Titanic!

Yes, history can repeat. Your boat is not floating anymore and just so you know, those flags you saw were RED!

How many times has this happened to you? Why does it happen? And how can you get to the fine print sooner than later, to either change course, jump ship or not bother boarding at all?

READ ON:

I think this dilemma is an interesting, multi-faceted one. Everyone, by human nature, wants to project their BEST self to a new love interest. We all do it. It’s part of early romance and getting to know someone new.

Students also do the same thing in the classroom, exhibiting their best behavior at the start of the year, because what anyone is really trying to do is to put their best foot forward. We do it as adults when we start a new job.  Make a good first impression and you qualify yourself as a person of quality who is also worthy.

Sometimes this behavior is really sweet. For example, the guy I worked with who asked for a recipe, so he could cook his new girlfriend dinner one night. She was so impressed. It only came out months later about how he pulled it off (cooking lessons at my house), but it was a really sweet tribute to her and said a lot about how he was willing to try new things and wanted to win her over and put effort in to please her. They are married now.

A little different, is the guy who tries to win you over by sending you links to love songs, suggesting he ‘loves the shape of you’ and then mixes signals and disappears for three weeks with no explanation…Um, no one got married.

So! Here we go… Since we can’t get a movie style preview of how someone will be three months down the road, we will instead look at the varying reasons something that looked so good on paper, can actually turn out to be a dead set case of “NEXT!”

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