+ there’s a giveaway at the end of this post + info on my huge $2000 holiday giveaway (!!) coming next week. 

I’ve always ended up finding the best at my worst.

Whether it was in times of heartbreak, breakups, diagnoses, catastrophes with business, school, grief, loss, or failure – Through the fog of desperation associated with those feelings and experiences also came a very bright and clear light.

That light/healing/answer came in the form of unlikely friends, opportunities, lessons, new relationships that would have never happened if x,y & z didn’t, affirmations, life-changing decisions, and in my most recent case… emotional, wellness and beauty hacks that enriched my life to such an extent, I HAD TO share with you all.

In my last post, I talked about how a few weeks back, I came down with the worst case of dermatitis and eczema on my face. It was awful – red, scaly, inflamed skin patches around my eyes, nose and mouth. I had 3 television appearances, a photoshoot, clients that hired me in person and 2 speaking engagements planned for the following weeks to come. I was freaking out, inspecting my face in the magnifying mirror every second, crying, trying to bargain with the universe, putting makeup over it… Nothing worked. In fact, it made it worse.

I also had a prescription for a strong steroid creme + a 2 month course of antibiotics that I knew would get rid of it fast (I stay away from antibiotics unless absolutely necessary and I’ve never been on an antibiotic for more than 7-10 days in my life). What I chose to do isn’t for everyone, but I decided to listen to my gut and go to a naturopath (+ do hours of obsessive research online). I didn’t feel like my condition was bad enough to go down a conventional medicinal route with possible side effects that seemed more serious than what I was currently dealing with.

Your gut is the oldest part of your soul. My gut told me that I could heal this naturally.

I didn’t understand what was wrong – I’m gluten free, eat an anti-inflammatory, organic, anti-candida diet, stay away from dairy, sugar, don’t drink

I ALSO had not been sleeping, was over-worked, over-traveled and over-exerted in every way. This was AFTER spending a few incredible weeks in the mountains working on my book completely unplugged, chaos-free and at peace. The drastic change in pace was too much for my system to catch up with, without skipping a beat.

My body LITERALLY waved a red, scaly flag right on my face. I needed to drown out the surrounding noise and listen to what it was trying to tell me. And to do that, I had to pause.

In the process of the hopelessness, a lot of trial and error (and intermittent mania), I met so many amazing people in support groups online, a phenomenal naturopath here in Los Angeles, and was introduced to amazing skincare products that I’m not only going to include in the upcoming holiday giveaway. So.much.GOOD. came out of so much crap.

Now, not only is my skin literally glowing and better than it has ever been (and that’s saying a lot because my skin was in really good shape thanks to Dr. Lancer up until my schedule sped up to an impossible level), but I found so many amazing emotional, wellness and beauty hacks that healed me from the inside out. Although it was on my skin, this wasn’t a dermatological issue. It was an emotional and internal issue that thorough healing it, radiated the external to a point that I never thought possible.

And the results were immediate – 10 days.

Here are my 10 best emotional, wellness & beauty hacks EVER:

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I will never be able to reiterate enough times the importance, benefit, and impact of knowing exactly what to do in your most painful, desperate, angry and triggered moments: Stay on your white horse.

As I wrote in a past post:

“ALWAYS stay on your white horse. If you ever want anyone who hurt and disrespected you to have one fraction of an idea of the hell, heartbreak, and painful embarrassment that he/she put you through… Cut.them.off.

Let your silence do the talking and always maintain grace under pressure by staying on your white horse.

And don’t worry about the other person forgetting you. They won’t.

Think about it – when it’s a holiday or your birthday, who do you remember more? – The people who wished you a happy birthday/holidays or the one who didn’t?

Be your own knight in shining armor. The only people who are interested in “saving you,” are the ones who feel that by doing so, they’ll be able to secure control over your emotional weather. Emotionally available lovers and friends won’t be turned on by having to “save” you out of your own insecurities. Be the RESPONSIVE class act that everyone is in awe of instead of the REACTIONARY resident psycho who needs a muzzle and a leash. Exhibit grace under pressure when all you want to do is retaliate and react.

A monkey could snap its fingers, flip its hair and throw out a few one-liners that are sharper than a dagger. It takes someone with real power and strength to remain calm, communicate through her actions and move on.

There’s no need to be the moral police or anyone’s emotional training wheels here. You don’t need to show grown adults “the right way to behave,” or lose your cool and get crazy labeled. It’s not your job. Don’t allow people set off your triggers and push your buttons. Only YOU know the combination to that lock. Not them.

If you want someone to know how you truly feel and have an idea of what they have done: Stay calm and never lower yourself to a level in which you attempt to re-package and throw back pain and/or drama that they caused, just so you can feel like you’re in control for a hot minute. It will boomerang right back every time.”

And while that could make all of the logical sense in the world…

Our insecurities, fears, and emotions negate logic. They also negate reality and disable our ability to see the long-term, unf*ckwithable confidence and power that is attained by staying on our white horse and NOT pursuing short-term satisfaction.

Short-term action is always taken very quickly on emotional impulse after being triggered. It could be a social media post, a “like” on his photo from someone you don’t know, a song… anything.

And there you are with the biggest wave crashing down on you. Instead of grasping to the knowingness that this wave, like all waves, will pass and you WILL survive, you frantically look for a life raft to grasp in the form of re-engaging, blocking, unfollowing, contacting his Mother, etc. And the “life raft” that you are convinced will keep you afloat only proves to do so as long as you expend your dignity, reputation, power and self-esteem to inflate it.

For the last 8 days, I’ve been dealing with the worst case on dermatitis/eczema ON MY FACE and cannot tell you how many times I’ve inspected my skin in the mirror while crying my eyes out.

There were so many times I got in my car to go pick up the prescription for a strong steroid creme waiting for me at the pharmacy. I knew that the creme would knock it out in 2 seconds, but then what? I’ve tried the cremes before and although it does remedy the cosmetic issue, it creates a whole host of others.

This time, I was more scared of the consequences of acting on impulse than I was of having it for however long it would take to heal the internal dis-ease/inflammation that was causing the eczema. I didn’t want to create a dependency on the creme or damage my skin further in the name of a “must-fix-this-now” freak out. So, I went to a naturopath (not for everybody, this is just what I chose to do), and healed the problem from within. For once in my life, I’m not worried at all about it returning because I am now in control. My skin is not only back to normal, it looks better than it ever has.

And that’s the thing… You can never be standing in the control and light of your own power WHILE being emotionally impulsive. And because control/power and impulse cannot coexist, they always come at an emotional cost that we convince ourselves we can afford in the moment, but are never quite able to. None of us will ever have the emotional currency for that.

It’s tough enough living in a society that feeds on cracking our impulse codes and draining our wallets. Why do we submit to cracking our own? 

Whether it’s with a fake friend, an ex, a family member or in business, I have found myself reengaging because of these Armageddon-type waves that would come crashing down. I like to call them pain contractions. I was triggered, hurt, I needed closure and deep down, I needed the validation that I wasn’t as forgettable and discardable as the other person’s actions made me feel.

It never worked. It just depleted me of my power, made me look crazy and destroyed my chances of ever being “the one that got away,” because I couldn’t leave well enough alone. Even after the initial fall from my white horse.

I’ve gotten off of my white horse many times in the name of what I thought in the heat of the emotional moment was “sticking up for myself.” It wasn’t. It was my own reverse narcissism at its zenith. I didn’t know what to do.

There is truly no one in my life who’s ever f*cked with and hurt me more than I’ve f*cked with and hurt myself.

So…

How do you know what to do when you give into your fears, insecurities, pain, triggers and (willingly) fall right off of your white horse?

HOW do you deal when you were doing SO WELL and in a weak moment, broke no contact and now everything has gone to complete sh*t?

How do you clean the mess you just made? Is there any hope of ever getting your power back?

Is there a way to fix this kind of conscious/under-a-spell subconscious f*ckup?

There is. And it’s simple. Here’s what to do…

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Fear, resent, hopelessness, anger, insecurity, jealousy, comparison, obsessing, stalking, an inability to let go, low self esteem, and reverse narcissism… All of these things nearly robbed me of a life. The only thing that murdered the extent to which these destructive emotions/actions dictated my decisions, relationships, and destiny? Gratitude. 

It’s not that I no longer feel those emotions or engage in the above actions. I totally do. I’m human. The only difference is that those emotions and actions are not what I call “home” anymore. Gratitude is.

I don’t like talking about gratitude because it seems so cliché. I think the term is overused, outplayed, and in many ways, like forgiveness, it can have this stigma of being almost unattainably “zen.”

I can’t NOT talk about gratitude though. It saved my life.

James Altucher wrote an amazing post on why gratitude is the ultimate miracle and how to exercise your gratitude muscle. I listened to his podcast this morning while I was getting ready. James was interviewing Elizabeth Smart. When she was just 14 years old, Elizabeth was kidnapped. She was taken from her own home at knifepoint and held captive for 9 months. Elizabeth was terrorized, abused and traumatized in unimaginable ways. However, the interview didn’t focus on every horrific detail of what she went through. It focused on exactly how she survived. 

What stood out to me the most was the fact that even in the most horrific circumstances, Elizabeth realized that in order to mentally, physically and emotionally survive, she had to focus on whatever microscopic thing she could to be grateful for.

In the scariest, most hopeless moments Elizabeth was able to find gratitude.

She discussed how gratitude was the only way she could create meaning, tap into strength that she never knew she had, survive the trauma and ultimately, thrive

Today is Thanksgiving and although it’s not celebrated everywhere in the world, this is the start of the holiday season.

The holidays are great, until they’re not.

Yeah, it’s the best time of the year but it can also be the most gut-wrenching.

Nothing highlights your breakup, heartbreak, loneliness, single-status, insecurities and disfunction more than the holidays.

And when it comes to gratitude, the holidays do a really good job of making us feel guilty for not exuding it in the merriest way possible.

If you’re alone, broken up with, heartbroken, scared, hopeless, powerless, option-less… whatever it may be, I wanted to write out a list of things to be grateful for so that you can create meaning, stand tall in your power, emotionally survive and ultimately thrive.

Gratitude. It really is THAT simple.

Here are 20 things to be grateful for no matter how alone you are or feel…

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Commitment is a funny thing. We allow our desire for it and other people’s promises of it, to blind and paralyze us from seeing and acting upon red/pink flags that are often, right in front of our face from the get-go. “How to get him to commit to a serious relationship,” is something I’ve Googled too many times to count. I ended up finding the answer through life-living, mistake-making, time-wasting decisions that sabotaged the chances of anyone ever wanting to commit to me in any regard.

Whether it’s in business, friendship or in your romantic relationships, getting someone to commit to you, your ideas, your shared like-mindedness, your vision, etc., is the holy grail of emotional accomplishments.

No matter what, people will always be the most hungry for and pursue with an unapologetic, “have-to-have-it” mentality, that which they feel is a rarity. “Missing out” is no longer an option. It’s basic human nature.

Whenever the supply is perceived as limited… hunger, desire and pursuit will always kick in.

In the past, I used to be extremely desperate and at the the mercy of others for a fairy tale, Happily Ever After commitment that I was convinced, HAD TO come in the initial package of a toad for it to “mean” anything.

We are hungry for commitment, especially from those who are self-proclaimed “commitment phobes.”

Locking down a commitment is the ultimate “I must be a person of high value,” affirmation.

True commitment involves another entity, party or person recognizing a value in us that they believe is not only worth investing in, but that is often worth giving up something they used to value before you came into the picture.

And what’s more ovulation-inducing that someone who you’re attracted to viewing you as “special enough” to not only give up something that they value, but to choose you and only you – over and over again – every day – in the process of that forfeit?

This is why trying to figure out how to get him to commit to a serious relationship can be.so.addicting.

Is there a way to get someone to commit to a serious relationship? I don’t know. Maybe. I highly doubt it. Even if there was some magical way to passively mind control someone to commit to me, I wouldn’t be interested.

We want someone to commit to us for who we are, not because we followed some how-to guide and carrot-dangled our way into a wedding we’re still in debt over with no substance to show for it.

Looking back in 20/20 hindsight, I realize that whether it be in business, with friends or with lovers, there are ways to make yourself not only more of a rarity, but more of what I like to call “commitment assessable.”

There are definitely ways to make others more inclined to genuinely want to commit to you. And THAT’S what you deserve.

In this post, I’m going to discuss it in the context of a romantic relationship, but it can be applied in any area of your life.

Here’s how to get him to commit to a serious relationship…

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